Feb 29 Puns
Tim Bruening
Submarines: Underwater troops.
Submit: Worn by underwater Baseball player.
Suborn: Two of these on the head of an underwater bull.
Subsaline: Unterzeeboot on surface and being driven by the wind.
Submariner: Brand of outboard motor that fell off and sunk.
Sub: Teacher in a fish school.
Subclass: What the Sub teaches at the fish school
Tim Bruening
pregnant.
Tim Bruening
Checker: Inspector dog.
Checkers: Board game playing dog.
Jerker: Obnoxious dog.
Masker: Dog of many faces.
Pecker: Dog who pokes holes in wood.
Thicker: Fat dog.
Thinker: Intelligent dog.
Treker: Dog on the Starship Enterprise.
Tricker: Halloween dog.
Tim Bruening
Caper: Price of an escapade.
Draper: Price of a curtain.
Esper: Price of telepathy.
Jeeper: Price of a military vehicle.
Keeper: Price of a locksmith.
Vesper: Price of a religious vest.
Tim Bruening
Waker: Dog not asleep.
Waker: Dog at a funeral.
Wracker: Destructive dog.
Wrecker: Another destructive dog.
Tim Bruening
Caster: Spinning splint for a broken limb.
Coaster: Rotating water/land interface.
Mister: Female at a mixing bowl.
Shyster: Spinning con man.
Rooster: Spinning kangaroo.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Cuba: Line of sheep.
Tuba: Two sheep.
Yuba: You are a sheep.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
You are a grape human bean.
Tim Bruening
Artichoke: An over-flamboyant strangling.
Brussels Sprout: A small Belgian child.
Lettuce get some more puns!
Don't cast asparagus on your opponents!
Tim Bruening
slither away.
Reptile: Floor coverings in Congress.
Tim Bruening
Dinosaurs 10 Points: Headline about the soaring stock of the Dino
company.
Tim Bruening
Box Elder: What they made gramps casket out of.
Karl Marx Roses: First Red Roses.
Redwood: Very tall trees much loved by environmentalists.
Readwood: A book.
Statice: Very high ranking flowers.
Sycamore: Don't want another bite.
Sycamore: What Valerie Harper said about reuniting with Mary Tyler
Moore.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
I think that our nation is losing its Seoul in the fight against
terrorism.
Tim Bruening
Every two weeks, I get a Czech at the Davis Enterprise.
Checker: Dog from the Czech Republic.
Tim Bruening
Hungary: What they did to cattle rustler Gary.
Washington: How much laundry they'll be doing in Chinatown today.
Lapland: The name of a bordello.
Finland: Best place for a fish fry.
Tim Bruening
Netherlands: Where people expose their nethers.
Russian: In a hurry to get there.
Eurpoean: What you do when you get there.
Finnish: When you're done.
Oregon: Nothing left to mine.
Idaho: What the pimp's girl told her johns.
Illinois: the sound sicl people make.
Wisconsin: When a Wiscon goes bad.
Arkansas: Used to slice up your arkan.
Tim Bruening
Lapland: Country of thirsty cats.
Lapland: Land of sit-downs.
Bolivia: Where Bo Derek made her home.
Slovenia: Where the people all have low blood-pressure.
Poland: Where Chamber Pots are made.
Ghana: Populated by very acquisitive people.
Kuwait: Where people have to stand in line for everything.
Netherlands: Country with no airports.
Netherlands: Land of the asses.
Tim Bruening
Swedish: What Swedes eat off of in their Swedens.
Kurdish: Dish of Kurds and Whey, eaten by Little Miss Muffet as she
awaited a spider.
Tim Bruening
Iraq: An electronic coat rack.
Ukraine: A U-shaped bird.
Romania: crazy about kayaking.
Scandinavia: read the bar code on your stomach.
Finland: currency limited to five dollar bills.
Germany: loads of bacteria.
Calcutta: go on a diet.
Amsterdam: like a beaver dam, only 'amsters.
Iran: What the jogger said to his wife.
Bombay: Explosive body of water.
Tim Bruening
Barking letters: B-eagles and K-9s.
Felines: Lions who charge.
Flying letters: C-Gulls, E-Gulls, Blue-Js.
Rambo: Decoration for a male sheep.
Tabby: Cross between a cat and a bee.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
The pony with a cold was a little hoarse.
Rodent: Make a dent with your oar.
Zebra: The 26th bra in the alphbra.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Pok Chops: Spotty Prigs cutting down trees!
>
> Porcine? Notice outside an Old English Workhouse.
>
> Kidney Bean: The site of a generous organ doughnation.
>
> Artichoke: An over-flamboyant strangling.
This reminds me of the story about Arthur being paid $1 to strangle 3
people in
a market, and the resulting headling: Arti Chokes 3 for a dollar in the
marketplace!
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Hamster: Spinning pig meat.
Hamster: A pig in jail.
Hamster: A spinning actor.
Hamster: An actor in jail.
Prok Chops: Pigs cutting down trees.
Pygmy: Turn me into a porcine.
Tim Bruening
Row V Wade: A choice between canoeing and walking in the water.
Wildebeest gets home from a hard day at the swamp and his wife, who has
just discovered she's pregnant, says to him, "I've got Gnus for you!"
Macaque: Monkey most probably from Mars, if that ridiculous film Mars
Attack is anything to go by!
Tim Bruening
Double: Two bulls.
Parable: Two more bulls.
Treble: Three bulls.
Noble: Zero bulls.
Label: Sex with a bull.
Labor: Sex with a wild pig.
Bearable: To be pregnant with a baby bull.
Tim Bruening
Save Hugh Manatee and his wife Sally Womatee.
See the sea horse graze on the subranch.
Tim Bruening
Porcupine: Cross between a pig and a tree.
Dolphin: What a doll fish needs to swim in the doll sea.
nemo
Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:4041DFBA...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> Beaker: Glass lab container dog.
>
> Checker: Inspector dog.
>
> Checkers: Board game playing dog.
>
> Jerker: Obnoxious dog.
>
> Masker: Dog of many faces.
>
> Pecker: Dog who pokes holes in wood.
>
> Thicker: Fat dog.
>
> Thinker: Intelligent dog.
>
> Treker: Dog on the Starship Enterprise.
The tribble with those is they breed like mad!
>
> Tricker: Halloween dog.
Ticker: Ancient form of alphanumeric telegraph and a dog that hunts fleas.
nemo
> Beeper: Price of buzzing insects.
>
> Caper: Price of an escapade.
>
> Draper: Price of a curtain.
>
> Esper: Price of telepathy.
>
> Jeeper: Price of a military vehicle.
>
> Keeper: Price of a locksmith.
>
> Vesper: Price of a religious vest.
A vest with a sting in its tale. Look it up.
And Monteverdi's 1610 Vespers indicate that Motor Scooters are much older
than first thought. Vespasian even had one!
nemo
> Bahrain: Sheep precipitation.
>
> Cuba: Line of sheep.
>
> Tuba: Two sheep.
>
> Yuba: You are a sheep.
Euphonium: Imitation of a Eugenuinium.
nemo
> Therapy: A pea you eat to feel better.
>
> You are a grape human bean.
A nabsulute bounder got a girl drunk on wine once and then had his wicked
way with her. She later went to the police station and reported that she'd
been graped!
nemo
> Kidney Bean: The site of a generous organ doughnation.
>
> Artichoke: An over-flamboyant strangling.
>
>
>
> Don't cast asparagus on your opponents!
Again:
Avacado!
No thanks. I'm trying to give them up!
Dad finally gets circumcised: Pa's snip.
Dad dislocates his femur: Turn hip.
Someone ties dad to a rocket and sets it off: "Boy!! See that mango!!"
nemo
> Bush's policy on Iraq is a real croc, IMHO. I think that he should
> slither away.
>
> Reptile: Floor coverings in Congress.
Lie-nolium: Floor coverings in 10 Downing Street!
nemo
> Adders: Used for solving math problems in snake school.
>
> Dinosaurs 10 Points: Headline about the soaring stock of the Dino
> company.
Fred Flintstone's dog is a businessman???
nemo
> Beechwood: Sandy trees.
>
> Box Elder: What they made gramps casket out of.
>
> Karl Marx Roses: First Red Roses.
>
> Redwood: Very tall trees much loved by environmentalists.
>
> Readwood: A book.
>
> Statice: Very high ranking flowers.
>
> Sycamore: Don't want another bite.
>
> Sycamore: What Valerie Harper said about reuniting with Mary Tyler
> Moore.
Hornbeam: Wife's expression when she sees the results of her husband taking
Viagra!
nemo
> I feel CHILE enough to wear a KASHMIR sweater and an AFGHAN.
If you go out driving with that lot on, don't be surprised if a cop tells
you to pullover!
nemo
> I don't look forward to swimming in a Liverpool.
I'm quite symp-hepatic to that idea.
>
> I think that our nation is losing its Seoul in the fight against
> terrorism.
IRAte that a rather pessimistic pun.
nemo
> How many of you Haiti? How many of you hate coffee?
>
> Every two weeks, I get a Czech at the Davis Enterprise.
>
> Checker: Dog from the Czech Republic.
A very low-powered Hoover: Slovac.
nemo
And whey not?
And you could tell it was a big and computer-literate spider by the web's
height.
nemo
I ain't gonna do the Irishmen one again.
What the customer said to the waiter:
"Hey you! This turkey fried in greece is off. It's gone all black, see? Get
the bosphorus!"
nemo
Felines: Columns on a spreadsheet showing earned income.
nemo
> What's Gnu with Ewe? Will the Antelope? Will things get Hare-y?
And if they do - are they likely to be wilderbeestes?
nemo
> The Bi Polar monkey was a little ape.
>
> The pony with a cold was a little hoarse.
And the pony with diarrhoea was a Shitland Pony!
>
> Rodent: Make a dent with your oar.
>
> Zebra: The 26th bra in the alphbra.
Alephant: Big grey ant at the begining of the Hebrew Alef-Bays.
nemo
And when he got fed up with these silly reports:
Articles time on false newspaper stories.
nemo
> Ground Hog's Day: A day to celebrate ground pork.
>
> Hamster: Spinning pig meat.
>
> Hamster: A pig in jail.
>
> Hamster: A spinning actor.
>
> Hamster: An actor in jail.
>
> Prok Chops: Pigs cutting down trees.
Shoud't that be dyslexic pigs cutting down trees?
Pig explaining why he's limping: "Dyslexic. De other three are OK though!"
>
> Pygmy: Turn me into a porcine.
Porcine: Work of a drunken lettering artist. A Porcine Writer.
nemo
Bearubble: What's left of your house after a rabid ersine's got at it!
nemo
> Sea lion. See lion run.
>
> Save Hugh Manatee and his wife Sally Womatee.
>
> See the sea horse graze on the subranch.
Cowardly diver's motto: Sea Anemony? - Run like f*ck!
nemo
> I hope to have a whale of a time with this thread, and I'm not lion.
>
> Porcupine: Cross between a pig and a tree.
>
> Dolphin: What a doll fish needs to swim in the doll sea.
Red colour in the sand that disappears as your foot comes down? It's just
one of those tube effects.
nemo
> Vicar: Canine religious leader.
>
> Waker: Dog not asleep.
>
> Waker: Dog at a funeral.
>
> Wracker: Destructive dog.
>
> Wrecker: Another destructive dog.
Wayne Kerr: Makers of electronic gear that people are frightened to ask for!
nemo
> Booster: Spinning ghost.
>
> Caster: Spinning splint for a broken limb.
>
> Coaster: Rotating water/land interface.
>
> Mister: Female at a mixing bowl.
>
> Shyster: Spinning con man.
>
> Rooster: Spinning kangaroo.
Keyster: Locksmith with a fat arse!
nemo
> Weaker: Not a strong dog.
Beaker: A bird dog.
nemo
> Tuba 4: A wooden horned musical instrument.
It plays cords with an unusual timber.
nemo
> Submachine Gun Wedding: What happened when the sailor got the mermaid
> pregnant.
Her dad hit him with an accumulator: It was a salt and battery!
nemo
> Tuba 4: A wooden horned musical instrument.
It plays cords with an unusual timber.
(2nd try. Didn't seem to get through at first.)
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4041DFBA...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Beaker: Glass lab container dog.
> >
> > Checker: Inspector dog.
> >
> > Checkers: Board game playing dog.
Checkers: Dogs from the Czech Republic.
Checkers: Checks written by dogs.
>
> >
> > Jerker: Obnoxious dog.
> >
> > Masker: Dog of many faces.
> >
> > Pecker: Dog who pokes holes in wood.
> >
> > Thicker: Fat dog.
> >
> > Thinker: Intelligent dog.
> >
> > Treker: Dog on the Starship Enterprise.
>
> The tribble with those is they breed like mad!
> >
> > Tricker: Halloween dog.
>
> Ticker: Ancient form of alphanumeric telegraph and a dog that hunts fleas.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4041E291...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Bahrain: Sheep precipitation.
> >
> > Cuba: Line of sheep.
> >
> > Tuba: Two sheep.
> >
> > Yuba: You are a sheep.
>
> Euphonium: Imitation of a Eugenuinium.
Reba: Sheep again.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4041E326...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Therapy: A pea you eat to feel better.
> >
> > You are a grape human bean.
>
> A nabsulute bounder got a girl drunk on wine once and then had his wicked
> way with her. She later went to the police station and reported that she'd
> been graped!
Wicker: Dog on food stamps.
Wicker: Evil dog.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Hawthorne: Laughing prickly plants.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Irate: Internet price.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Roper: Price of oars.
Tim Bruening
Green Bay Packers: Football playing dogs.
Tim Bruening
Balancing: Singing scale.
Chalker: Blackboard dog.
Choosing: Decision making song.
Decreasing: Falling song.
Divorcing: Split-up song.
Enticing: Seduction song.
Hosing: Singing waterier.
Nosing: Can't carry a tune.
Oozing: Muddy song.
Tim Bruening
Pleasing: Song that makes you feel good.
Prancing: Reindeer song.
Seducing: Love song.
Sensing: Song of feeling, seeing, hearing, and tasting.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Fee male: Price of male gigolo.
Fee Bull: Price of weak male cow.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Wanker: Masturbating dog.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Bankster: Spinning financial institution.
Banister: Spinning stairs.
Barrister: Spinning lawyer.
Gangster: Spinning organized crime.
Runester: Spinning ancient writings.
Tankster: Spinning weapons system.
Tim Bruening
Wincing: Victory song.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Beaker: Glass lab container dog.
Accessing: Song of entry.
Tim Bruening
Bester: Spinning Psi Cop on Babylon 5.
Vaccuming: Vase that sucks.
Zooming: Fast moving Chinese vase.
Zooming: Vase with lots of animals inside.
Tim Bruening
Becoming: Vase that stimulates bees.
Humming: Vase that doesn't know the words.
Looming: An approaching vase.
Roaming: Wandering vase.
Summing: Vase that does math.
Tim Bruening
Administer: Spinning bureaucrats.
Administering: Ring used by bosses.
Minister: Small spinning objects.
Ministering: Ring worn by religious leaders.
Tim Bruening
Buster: Spinning mass transit vehicle.
Chester: Spinning front of upper body.
Lister: Spinning group of tasks or words.
Marsters: Spinning Spike actor.
Meister: Spinning German leader.
Moister: Spinning dampness.
nemo
nemo
> Pincing: crab song
>
> Wincing: Victory song.
>
nemo
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:4041E218...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > Weaker: Not a strong dog.
> >
> > Beaker: A bird dog.
>
> Beaker: Glass lab container dog.
That's a good retort!
>
> Accessing: Song of entry.
>
Breaker: Cross between a dog and a donkey.
Hee Whore: Male prostitute.
nemo
Beaming: Vase full of apines.
Charming: Vase that does the housework or makes the tea in a factory.
Deeming: Vase containing the ashes of a character from "Neighbours" who
drowned because the car wasn't waterproof!
Fuming: Not many vases left.
Disclaiming: Vase made of something else.
Exhuming: Vase that used to belong to Hubert.
Foaming: Vase containing one's enemy's ashes!
nemo
> > > Bahrain: Sheep precipitation.
> > >
> > > Cuba: Line of sheep.
> > >
> > > Tuba: Two sheep.
> > >
> > > Yuba: You are a sheep.
> >
> > Euphonium: Imitation of a Eugenuinium.
>
> Reba: Sheep again.
>
nemo
nemo
nemo
(There's a magic one in the highly naughty film Fabodyantan. I'll say no
more butt you won't beleive it!)
nemo
Tim Bruening
Aquatic: Underwater tic.
Arctic: Very cold tic.
Arithmetic: Tic that does math.
Attic: Tic at the top of a house.
Baltic: Spherical tic in the Northwestern former USSR.
Bombastic: Annoying tic that drops bombs.
Characteristic: Tic used to find out the nature of the other tics.
Climatic: Weather tic.
Climactic: Tic that effects great events.
Critic: Tic that lambastes everyone for the slightest perceived flaw.
Tim Bruening
Drastic: Tic that takes desperate measures.
Ecstatic: Joyful tic.
Elastic: Tic that stretches.
Emphatic: Another tic that won't calm down.
Enigmatic: Tic that is hard to figure out.
Esthetic: Tic that appreciates art.
Fantastic: A very interesting tic.
Frantic: Tic that's always rushing around and feeling lots of stress.
Related to Drastic.
Tim Bruening
Gymnastic: Another nimble tic.
Heretic: Tic that dissents from standard Church policy.
Lunatic: Insane tic.
Orgiastic: Tic that engages in wild sex.
Optic: All seeing tic.
Pedantic: Boring tic.
Politic: Ambitious tic.
Problematic: Hard tic to deal with.
Romantic: Tic in love.
Rustic: Tic in the countryside.
Spastic: Tic in convulsions.
Static: Tic that stays still and gives electric shocks.
Tim Bruening
Aster: Spinning flower.
Asster: Spinning donkey.
Baster: Spinning kitchen tool.
Blaster: Spinning ray gun.
Caster: Spinning actors.
Disaster: Spinning catastrophe..
Easter: Mixing bowl sold on the Internet.
Easter: Computerized Mixing bowl.
Easter: Spinning religious holiday.
Tim Bruening
Fester: Spinning rot.
Jester: Spinning comedian.
Kister: Spinning rear end.
Master: Spinning boss.
Mister: Spinning woman.
Nester: Spinning bird home.
Pastor: Spinning church leader.
Pester: Spinning annoying life form.
Rester: Spinning sleeper.
Tim Bruening
Semester: Spinning part of a school year.
Slyvester: Spinning cartoon cat.
Sister: Spinning sibling.
Tester: Spinning exam.
Twister: Spinning storm.
Vaster: Large spinning object.
Vester: Spinning clothes.
Wester: Opposite of Easter.
Yeaster: Spinning bacteria.
Tim Bruening
Creaming: Tasty vase.
Seaming: Sewing machine vase.
Steaming: Hot vase.
Storming: Rainy vase.
Tim Bruening
B-4: A bee in front.
B-9: Kind bee.
B-10: Defeated bee.
B-12: Very strong bee.
Bedevil: Bee in Hell.
Before: Bee #4.
Befoul: Dirty bee.
Befowl: Bird-bee.
Behind: A bee-deer crossbreed in back.
Tim Bruening
Behold: Bee that sees the light.
Believe: Bee with religion.
Beneath: Bee underground.
Bereave: Bee in mourning.
Beseech: Begging bee.
Beset: Bees in trouble.
Besiege: Bees attacking a city.
Beside: Bee that's next to.
Bestir: Spinning buzzing insect.
Between: Bee with two bees to either side.
Bewail: Screaming bee.
Bewhale: Very large bee in the sea.
Bewilder: Confused bee.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Booby: Buzzing insect that bombs.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Forming: In favor of Chinese vases.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4046C565...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4041E326...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Therapy: A pea you eat to feel better.
> > > >
> > > > You are a grape human bean.
> > >
> > > A nabsulute bounder got a girl drunk on wine once and then had his
> wicked
> > > way with her. She later went to the police station and reported that
> she'd
> > > been graped!
> >
> > Wicker: Dog on food stamps.
> >
> > Wicker: Evil dog.
> >
> Wicker Man: Edward Woodward wouldn't!
Whisker: Long thin dog.
Whisper: Price of small light remnant.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4046C5FF...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4041E4F5...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > I don't look forward to swimming in a Liverpool.
> > >
> > > I'm quite symp-hepatic to that idea.
> > > >
> > > > I think that our nation is losing its Seoul in the fight against
> > > > terrorism.
> > >
> > > IRAte that a rather pessimistic pun.
> >
> > Irate: Internet price.
> >
> Ireland: Nation of angry people.
Berate: Price of angry bee.
Tim Bruening
Swimming: Vase in a pool.