True story: I got a fortune cookie a few months back that gave me this
ominous advice: "Enjoy yourself while you can."
Now, I'm not a superstitious fellow...but let's just say I'm not
investing in any slow-maturing bonds.
At a Vietnamese restaurant, my fortune once read: "You just love Chinese
food!"
If I was you, I wouldn't even buy ripe bananas.
>> True story: I got a fortune cookie a few months back that gave me
>> this ominous advice: "Enjoy yourself while you can."
>>
>> Now, I'm not a superstitious fellow...but let's just say I'm not
>> investing in any slow-maturing bonds.
>
> If I was you, I wouldn't even buy ripe bananas.
Something vaguely Groucho Marxist suggests itself, but I can't quite recall
it.
>> If I was you, I wouldn't even buy ripe bananas.
>
> Something vaguely Groucho Marxist suggests itself, but I
> can't quite recall it.
"I once shot an elephant in my bananas...how he got into them, I'll
never know." ?
Perhaps he slipped into them?
>>> True story: I got a fortune cookie a few months back that gave me
>>> this ominous advice: "Enjoy yourself while you can."
>>>
>>> Now, I'm not a superstitious fellow...but let's just say I'm not
>>> investing in any slow-maturing bonds.
>>
>> If I was you, I wouldn't even buy ripe bananas.
>
>Something vaguely Groucho Marxist suggests itself, but I can't quite recall
>it.
I was somewhat paraphrasing Agnes Skinner from "The Simpsons" episode
"Worst Episode Ever". Maybe Groucho told it to her.
>> "I once shot an elephant in my bananas...how he got
>> into them, I'll never know." ?
>
> Perhaps he slipped into them?
That's an apeeling notion.
Daylight come and he want go roam.
>It was great, really. The only drawback was the contents of the traditional
>fortune cookie, which was probably manufactured in Omaha Nebraska: "Give
>your very best today. Heaven knows it's little enough."
"Traditional" fortune cookie, I don't think so. I spent a month in
China this spring and ate in many different Chinese restaurants all
across China and didn't ever see one fortune cookie. A furtune cookie
is an American invention and has no relation to traditional Chinese
cooking.
>> It was great, really. The only drawback was the contents of the
>> traditional fortune cookie, which was probably manufactured in Omaha
>> Nebraska: "Give your very best today. Heaven knows it's little
>> enough."
>
> "Traditional" fortune cookie, I don't think so. I spent a month in
> China this spring and ate in many different Chinese restaurants all
> across China and didn't ever see one fortune cookie. A furtune cookie
> is an American invention and has no relation to traditional Chinese
> cooking.
No one mentioned anything about "traditional Chinese cooking", dimbulb.
Here, let me help you: "traditional fortune cookie". You'll get a fortune
cookie at any and all Chinese restaurants in America. It's a tradition.
Why do elephants appeal to you? You know they can carry a lot of
baggage with them.
Oh, I wouldn't say a lot. It's just the one trunk
Chinese people are lucky to eat Chinese food every day....
....junk in the trunk....
....junk in the trunk....
>>>>>"I once shot an elephant in my bananas...how he got
>>>>>into them, I'll never know." ?
>>>>
>>>>Perhaps he slipped into them?
>>>
>>>That's an apeeling notion.
>>
>> Why do elephants appeal to you? You know they can carry a lot of
>> baggage with them.
>
> Oh, I wouldn't say a lot. It's just the one trunk
LOL
I never thought I'd get away with that.
I know a full truck is a LOT Of baggage by man standards. Every guy I
know figures a gym bag is enough to pack a month's worth of clothes.
That's absolutely right. In fact, my gym bag is a two suiter: bathing
and tuxedo.
> In fact, my gym bag is a two suiter: bathing and tuxedo.
That's because your "tuxedo" consists of your swim trunks, a Hawaiian shirt,
and flip-flops!
... and a fish hung around his neck.
Yes, but you forgot the cummerbund.
>>> In fact, my gym bag is a two suiter: bathing and tuxedo.
>>
>> That's because your "tuxedo" consists of your swim trunks, a Hawaiian
>> shirt, and flip-flops!
>
>... and a fish hung around his neck.
Well, it is a formal occasion.
Larry, Larry, Larry . . . how many times do you have to be told - take the
tooth *outa* the fish to wear it around your neck
Do you have any idea how difficult it is to shake Greg off once he
gets his tooth in something?
That seems to be the case. Fortune cookies are not a feature in South
African Chinese restaurants.
Tony is a rude little liar.
Not sure I follow this one. Liked peachie's trunk quip, though. :)
Yeah, he's frequently rude, and it's rh, we are all liars.
But in this instance he's right. Sorry.
I think Tony's fortune cookie was accurate:
Only because your short life expectancy doesn't warrant a prediction of your
future.
--
"Anybody can have more birthdays; but it takes
balls to get old!"
LMFAO
I got one of those, minus the necklace.
Oh re-e-e-e-eally?
Hey Larry! You're gonna hafta stop buggin' Greg-Bob about his one tooth
smile . . . it's MOSNOT that has it . . . which leaves Greg as downright
toothy, like he claims!
> Do you have any idea how difficult it is to shake Greg off
> once he gets his tooth in something?
They don't call me Greg "Pit Bull" Evans for nothing, you know!
Greg
it usually costs me $1.25 per citation, with a $15 daily cap
Hiya Greg "Pit Bull" Evans!
How you doing today, "Pit Bull"?
> Hiya Greg "Pit Bull" Evans!
> How you doing today, "Pit Bull"?
I hope you don't actually expect to get paid in, like, actual money or
anything.
Greg
who hangs on to his money with a dogged grip
*sigh* I had to try, now didn't I?
What else are you offering to pay me in?
Any last requests, Earthling, before I vaporize your ass?
Having your little fantasy dreams again Dicky?
>
You are such a fibber! Now tell us the tooth and nothing but the
tooth.
>>> Hiya Greg "Pit Bull" Evans!
>>> How you doing today, "Pit Bull"?
>>
>> I hope you don't actually expect to get paid in, like, actual money or
>> anything.
>>
>> Greg
>> who hangs on to his money with a dogged grip
>
> *sigh* I had to try, now didn't I?
>
> What else are you offering to pay me in?
Careful, Peachy. Greg will offer to pay you in small bills, usually 5
three dollar bills or 2 six dollar bills and a three dollar bill.
Believe it or not, that is legal currency in Possum Junction.
Hell, Summer, I'll just bug them both about it.
Talk about my fossilized shark tooth all you want.
>>> Do you have any idea how difficult it is to shake Greg off
>>> once he gets his tooth in something?
>> They don't call me Greg "Pit Bull" Evans for nothing, you
>> know!
>> it usually costs me $1.25 per citation, with a $15 daily cap
>
> You are such a fibber! Now tell us the tooth and nothing but
> the tooth.
That's my story, and I'm hangin' on to it!
> What else are you offering to pay me in?
In due time.
Is vaporize your new word for suck, Dick?
ooooooh - Greg's just volunteered with peachy for FREE BABYSITTING !!
And she was all concerned about daycare
Personal note // I will take advantage of the time comment to note . . .
it's time for me to be leaving for a bit or two . . . don't all celebrate at
once! \\ end note
Probably I will be able to buy my way OUT of Possum Junction then. :)
Hurry back - you get to help babysit!
> ooooooh - Greg's just volunteered with peachy for FREE
> BABYSITTING !!
Wow, I thought Peachy had better sense than that.
Greg
breaking out the rat poison and sharp objects
Peachy, don't you understand: there is no way out of Possum
Junction!!!
>>> What else are you offering to pay me in?
>>
>> In due time.
>
>ooooooh - Greg's just volunteered with peachy for FREE BABYSITTING !!
>
>And she was all concerned about daycare
>
>Personal note // I will take advantage of the time comment to note . . .
>it's time for me to be leaving for a bit or two . . . don't all celebrate at
>once! \\ end note
We'll miss you, kiddo. Have a good vacation!
Only your dentist knows for sure.
>>>>> http://tinyurl.com/272m63
>>>>
>>>> I got one of those, minus the necklace.
>>>
>>>Oh re-e-e-e-eally?
>>>
>>>Hey Larry! You're gonna hafta stop buggin' Greg-Bob about his one tooth
>>>smile . . . it's MOSNOT that has it . . . which leaves Greg as downright
>>>toothy, like he claims!
>>
>> Hell, Summer, I'll just bug them both about it.
>
>Talk about my fossilized shark tooth all you want.
Did you get Greg's dentist to implant it for you?
Trust me, You'll want those for yourself before an hour is up.
> Personal note // I will take advantage of the time comment to note
> . . . it's time for me to be leaving for a bit or two . . . don't all
> celebrate at once! \\ end note
If you find religion there, they might let you out early "on good
behaviour".
Even the Greyhound bus is up on blocks in Greg's yard ... right behind the
locomotive.
If I can pay the toll, they might let me walk out.
>> breaking out the rat poison and sharp objects
>
> Trust me, You'll want those for yourself before an hour is
> up.
Hey, I got TWO boys through their teenage years and lived to tell about it
(they did too, darn it)! I ain't afeared.
Greg
annoyed and nauseous at the very idea, yes - but not afraid
> Even the Greyhound bus is up on blocks in Greg's yard ...
> right behind the locomotive.
Those are, respectively, the guest cottage and the emergency generator.
Oh, you should be. Trust me.
Teenage boys are easier.
> Teenage boys are easier.
In a word: HA.
Greg
and again I say HA
It's The Hotel California of the east ?
Greg owns a dentist ?
Insurance rates are higher, but the clothing cost is less.
A girl can dream, of the bright lights and big city. Even in Possum
Junction, a girl can dream.
>>>> Careful, Peachy. Greg will offer to pay you in small bills, usually 5
>>>> three dollar bills or 2 six dollar bills and a three dollar bill.
>>>> Believe it or not, that is legal currency in Possum Junction.
>>>
>>> Probably I will be able to buy my way OUT of Possum Junction then. :)
>>
>> Peachy, don't you understand: there is no way out of Possum
>> Junction!!!
>
>It's The Hotel California of the east ?
Welcome to the Hotel Possum Junction...
Wow! I haven't seen a wood-fired generator in a long time!
The toll taker accepts exact change only. Make sure you take a 37
cent piece with you.
Were you able to trade in the empty acne cream bottles for a refund?
>> Hey, I got TWO boys through their teenage years and lived to tell about it
>> (they did too, darn it)! I ain't afeared.
>>
>> Greg
>> annoyed and nauseous at the very idea, yes - but not afraid
>
> Oh, you should be. Trust me.
>
> Teenage boys are easier.
ROTFL!
Signed,
Larry
Father of twin 18 year old sons
>> Teenage boys are easier.
>
> the clothing cost is less.
Again I say, ROTFL!
Signed,
Larry
Father of 18 year old twin sons
>>>>>>> http://tinyurl.com/272m63
>>>>>>
>>>>>> I got one of those, minus the necklace.
>>>>>
>>>>>Oh re-e-e-e-eally?
>>>>>
>>>>>Hey Larry! You're gonna hafta stop buggin' Greg-Bob about his one tooth
>>>>>smile . . . it's MOSNOT that has it . . . which leaves Greg as downright
>>>>>toothy, like he claims!
>>>>
>>>> Hell, Summer, I'll just bug them both about it.
>>>
>>>Talk about my fossilized shark tooth all you want.
>>
>> Did you get Greg's dentist to implant it for you?
>
>Greg owns a dentist ?
Sort of. It's actually a 14 volt Makita cordless drill with a 3/8
inch bit.
Girls in Possum Junction usually dream of teeth and their male first
cousins.
....what a lovely place....
It also doubles as the boiler room, hot water heater, and sauna.
Least you don't have to worry about them coming
home pregnant from some date they had with a dork.
>>>>>> Careful, Peachy. Greg will offer to pay you in small bills, usually 5
>>>>>> three dollar bills or 2 six dollar bills and a three dollar bill.
>>>>>> Believe it or not, that is legal currency in Possum Junction.
>>>>>
>>>>> Probably I will be able to buy my way OUT of Possum Junction then.
>>>>> :)
>>>>
>>>> Peachy, don't you understand: there is no way out of Possum
>>>> Junction!!!
>>>
>>>It's The Hotel California of the east ?
>>
>> Welcome to the Hotel Possum Junction...
>
>....what a lovely place....
I wouldn't say that an old Greyhound bus up on blocks is a lovely
place.
>>>> Even the Greyhound bus is up on blocks in Greg's yard ...
>>>> right behind the locomotive.
>>>
>>>Those are, respectively, the guest cottage and the emergency generator.
>>
>> Wow! I haven't seen a wood-fired generator in a long time!
>
>It also doubles as the boiler room, hot water heater, and sauna.
No holler should be without one.
>>>> Teenage boys are easier.
>>>
>>> the clothing cost is less.
>>
>> Again I say, ROTFL!
>>
>> Signed,
>> Larry
>> Father of 18 year old twin sons
>
>Least you don't have to worry about them coming
>home pregnant from some date they had with a dork.
No, I have to worry about them bringing their pregnant girlfriends
home to live with them.
I always wondered who the tooth faeries were.
>>> A girl can dream, of the bright lights and big city. Even in Possum
>>>Junction, a girl can dream.
>>
>> Girls in Possum Junction usually dream of teeth and their male first
>> cousins.
>
>I always wondered who the tooth faeries were.
I thought everyone already knew they were atj cross-dressers.
You'd be surprised what a bit of paint can do.
....or a six pack of beer....
Tax deductions.
They shouldn't be mad since they chose the clothes.
>>>> Careful, Peachy. Greg will offer to pay you in small bills,
>>>> usually 5 three dollar bills or 2 six dollar bills and a three
>>>> dollar bill. Believe it or not, that is legal currency in Possum
>>>> Junction.
>>> Probably I will be able to buy my way OUT of Possum Junction
>>> then. :)
>>
>> Peachy, don't you understand: there is no way out of Possum
>> Junction!!!
>
> A girl can dream, of the bright lights and big city. Even in
> Possum Junction, a girl can dream.
Sure she can ... but the most attainable is Christmas lights and the latest
8-tracks.
>>> Even the Greyhound bus is up on blocks in Greg's yard ...
>>> right behind the locomotive.
>>
>> Those are, respectively, the guest cottage and the emergency
>> generator.
>
> Wow! I haven't seen a wood-fired generator in a long time!
There is a plastic jug under every engine block in the neighborhood,
catching the drippings to marinate the wood.
>> Oh, you should be. Trust me. Teenage boys are easier.
>
> ROTFL! Signed, Larry Father of twin 18 year old sons
She wasn't talking about parenting.
>> I wouldn't say that an old Greyhound bus up on blocks is a lovely
>> place.
>
>You'd be surprised what a bit of paint can do.
>....or a six pack of beer....
I imagine that I would.
>>>>> A girl can dream, of the bright lights and big city. Even in Possum
>>>>>Junction, a girl can dream.
>>>>
>>>> Girls in Possum Junction usually dream of teeth and their male first
>>>> cousins.
>>>
>>>I always wondered who the tooth faeries were.
>>
>> I thought everyone already knew they were atj cross-dressers.
>
>They shouldn't be mad since they chose the clothes.
I wish they'd quit playing with their "wands" so much, though.
>>>> Even the Greyhound bus is up on blocks in Greg's yard ...
>>>> right behind the locomotive.
>>>
>>> Those are, respectively, the guest cottage and the emergency
>>> generator.
>>
>> Wow! I haven't seen a wood-fired generator in a long time!
>
>There is a plastic jug under every engine block in the neighborhood,
>catching the drippings to marinate the wood.
Ugh. I can just imagine the menu at the Possum Junction Roadkill
Diner!
>>>>>> Teenage boys are easier.
>>>>>
>>>>> the clothing cost is less.
>>>>
>>>> Again I say, ROTFL!
>>>>
>>>> Signed,
>>>> Larry
>>>> Father of 18 year old twin sons
>>>
>>>Least you don't have to worry about them coming
>>>home pregnant from some date they had with a dork.
>>
>> No, I have to worry about them bringing their pregnant girlfriends
>> home to live with them.
>
>Tax deductions.
Nope. They're all over the age of 18 and not disabled. Yet.
>>> Oh, you should be. Trust me. Teenage boys are easier.
>>
>> ROTFL! Signed, Larry Father of twin 18 year old sons
>
>She wasn't talking about parenting.
Why Peachy, you little devil, you!
>>>>> Even the Greyhound bus is up on blocks in Greg's yard ...
>>>>> right behind the locomotive.
>>>> Those are, respectively, the guest cottage and the emergency
>>>> generator.
>>> Wow! I haven't seen a wood-fired generator in a long time!
>>
>> There is a plastic jug under every engine block in the neighborhood,
>> catching the drippings to marinate the wood.
>
> Ugh. I can just imagine the menu at the Possum Junction Roadkill
> Diner!
Ask for the "special" ... "You rike it I PROMISE!"
Yeah, but if you drink, don't paint.
Ok, barbeque, then.