BIBLE HUMOUR
Russell Coleman
Anyone know any of those corny Bible jokes such as:
When was the first cricket match held in the Bible? When Peter stood up with
the eleven.
When was the first motor car race? When Moses tore up the desert in his
triumph.
That's the sort of thing I'm chasing, so if you can help it would be greatly
appreciated.
Thanks
Russell
Stuart A. Bronstein
: Anyone know any of those corny Bible jokes such as:
: When was the first cricket match held in the Bible? When Peter stood up with
: the eleven.
: When was the first motor car race? When Moses tore up the desert in his
: triumph.
My favorite is a two parter. The first part is the world's oldest doctor
joke. The second is the worlds oldest lawyer joke.
After Moses led his people out of Egypt, the people became unhappy. The
desert was hot, everyone was tired and hungry, and they had been out for
a long time without any indication of when they would get where they were
going.
Finally they came to Mr. Sinai. Moses went up the mountain, just to get
away from his bitching hordes. He sat down on a rock, held his head in
his hands, and murmured to himself, "My god! Sometimes these people give
me such a headache!"
After a while, Moses heard a booming voice from the heavens. It said,
"Moses. I am here to help you. Take these two tablets. And call me in
the morning."
The next day Moses went down the mountain. His people all shouted,
asking what happened. Moses responded,
"I have good news and bad news. The good news is, I've negotiated him
down from 40 to 10. The bad news is, adultery is still one of them."
Arie Den Hollander
Q Who was the "stretchiest" man in the Bible?
A Abraham, he tied his ass to a tree and walked up a mountain.
Q Who was the shortest person in the Bible?
A The Shuhite woman (shoe height).
Bossler Sam
: G'day
: Anyone know any of those corny Bible jokes such as:
: When was the first cricket match held in the Bible? When Peter stood up with
: the eleven.
: When was the first motor car race? When Moses tore up the desert in his
: triumph.
: That's the sort of thing I'm chasing, so if you can help it would be greatly
: appreciated.
Here's one told to me by my minister. Where is baseball talked about in
the bible?
"In the begining" (big inning)
Sam
--
Sam Bossler |This life is a test. It is only a test.
Senior Systems Engineer |If it were a real life you would
Quantel Engineering |have been given instructions on where
Charles Cranford
Sports are mentioned in the Bible: "David served in King Saul's courts"
Kids are a great sources for this type of humor...as the child prayed "Our
Father, Who art in heaved, Howard be thy name..."
I appreciate the "corny" humor...thanks for starting it!!! 8-)
c2
Gary Arkoff
A doctor, an architect and a politician sitting around in a bar, arguing
theology. The doctor claims that the first proffesion was a doctor. 'After
all, the Almighty created Adam and then made Eve from his rib.'
'Good point,' agrees the architect, 'but before that, the Almighty created
the world out of chaos.'
'Ah,' said the politician, 'who do you think created the chaos?'
-Gary
--
Life is too short to drink bad beer.
Gary L. Arkoff ark...@lclark.edu
Frank Reid
the way to Jerusalem."
Robert Hoy
: G'day
: Anyone know any of those corny Bible jokes such as:
: When was the first cricket match held in the Bible? When Peter stood up with
: the eleven.
: When was the first motor car race? When Moses tore up the desert in his
: triumph.
: That's the sort of thing I'm chasing, so if you can help it would be greatly
: appreciated.
: Thanks
: Russell
I have the "The complete book of Bible Trivia" with me at work. It's witty
to read. Here are some of the jokes taken from the book:
Q: Why was Moses the most wicked man?
A: He broke all Ten Commandments at once.
Q: Who was the greatest speaker?
A: Samson -- he brought the house down even though it was filled with his
enemies.
Q: What Bible character may have only been a foot tall?
A: Nicodemus, since he was a ruler.
Q: Who was the fastest runner in the Bible?
A: Adam--he was first in the human race.
Q: What city was named after something you find on a car?
A: Tyre.
Q: What prophet was a space traveler?
A: Elijah--he went up in a fiery chariot.
And here are a few Trivias
1 Q: What is the first commandement in the Bible?
2 Q: Saul was the first king of Israel. Who was second? (Hint: it wasn't
David.)
3 Q: What prophet was trapped against a wall by an angel with a drawn sword?
Answers to above trivias.
1 A: "Be fruitful and multiply" Genesis 1:28
2 A: Ishbosheth. 2 Samuel 2:8-10
3 A: Elisha. 2 Kings 13:17
--
***Robert Hoy***h...@solaria.hac.com***h...@sal.dnet.hac.com***
Jamin A Brown
the Old Testament?
He got laid in between....
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Jamin Brown jbro...@maine.maine.edu
"I'm a 21st century digital boy/I don't know how to live, but I've
got a lot of toys/My Daddy's a lazy middle class intellectual/My
Mommy's on Valium, so ineffectual/Ain't life a mystery?"-Bad Religion
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Lee Backstrom
: G'day
: Anyone know any of those corny Bible jokes such as:
: When was the first cricket match held in the Bible? When Peter stood up with
: the eleven.
: When was the first motor car race? When Moses tore up the desert in his
: triumph.
: That's the sort of thing I'm chasing, so if you can help it would be greatly
: appreciated.
: Thanks
: Russell
The first words in the Bible talk about baseball:
"In the big inning ........."
Dennis Schindler
CC>Cars were mentioned in the Bible: "The apostles were in one ACCORD"
CC>Sports are mentioned in the Bible: "David served in King Saul's courts"
CC>Kids are a great sources for this type of humor...as the child prayed "Our
CC>Father, Who art in heaved, Howard be thy name..."
CC>I appreciate the "corny" humor...thanks for starting it!!! 8-)
Our Father,
who farts in Heaven
Shallow be thy brain
Thy king-size condom
thy pop-tarts are done
in thy waterbed or in thy car
Give us a break today
No McMuffins with stale bread
and feed us not with the Temptations
but deliver us some Pizza
for thine is the Condominium
the Tower and the Gory
Whatever..
Ah man!
CC>c2
ARCHANGEL
> G'day
>
> Anyone know any of those corny Bible jokes such as:
>
> Russell
Where is baseball mentioned in the Bible?
Genisis 1:1 "In the big inning..."
Smell ya Later,
Archangel
lynda tracy f
Noah-- he floated a limited company when the world was in liquidation!
Julia Ryden
"He shall send His comforters."
--
JR
VERITATIS SIMPLEX ORATIO EST
Julia Ryden
Silent night, Holy night.
All is calm. All is bright.
Round John Virgin, mother and child...
--
An original by a six-year-old child in my Sunday school class.
Michel Rottmann
this popped up:
FR>In Article <3n4imh$q...@pipe1.nyc.pipeline.com> "ccra...@nyc.pipeline.com
>(Charles Cranford)" says:
>> Cars were mentioned in the Bible: "The apostles were in one ACCORD"
>>
>> Sports are mentioned in the Bible: "David served in King Saul's courts"
>>
>> Kids are a great sources for this type of humor...as the child
>>prayed "Our Father, Who art in heaved, Howard be thy name..."
^^^^^^
Hmmmmmm...... :-)
-®< R O T >¯-
---
þ 1st 1.11 #2645 þ Oxymoron: Loose tights.
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Jean B. Babcock
: Cars were mentioned in the Bible: "The apostles were in one ACCORD"
In the Old Testament, "God drove them out in his fury"
: Sports are mentioned in the Bible: "David served in King Saul's courts"
And baseball "In the beginning" {big inning}
Michael Carpenter
>Here's one told to me by my minister. Where is baseball talked about in
>the bible?
>
>"In the begining" (big inning)
That's the first time. The second time baseball is mentioned is
when Eve stole first, Adam stole second and the Lord threw them
out.
Tennis? When Joseph served in Pharoah's court.
Dr. Ron Peterson
>
> Cars were mentioned in the Bible: "The apostles were in one ACCORD"
>
>
>
Women smoking was also in the Bible:
Genesis 25:64 -- "... she lighted off the camel."
Ron Peterson
still .sig-less after all these years
Ray Zuniga
As long as he was Able!
Ray Zuniga
frank....@chessboard.com
LTF> Has anyone mentioned the greatest financier in the Bible?
LTF> Noah-- he floated a limited company when the world was in liquidation!
Do you know the name of Jesus' dog?
Physician
__________________________________________________________
|frank....@chessboard.com| What do you call a |
| All opinions expressed | small |
| are strictly my own. | slimy |
| That's what ".com" means. | salamander? |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12
G.T. Currie
Dr. Ron Peterson <r...@icarus.weber.edu> wrote:
>
>Women smoking was also in the Bible:
> Genesis 25:64 -- "... she lighted off the camel."
The bible also recognizes how strange relationships really
are (or is it promoting homosexuality??):
"Love is a queer thing. Who can understand it?"
Hey! If it's in the bible it must be true!
G.
Charles Cranford
>There is a thread going along in one of the Internet newsgroups and
>this popped up:
>
>FR>In Article <3n4imh$q...@pipe1.nyc.pipeline.com>
"ccra...@nyc.pipeline.com
> >(Charles Cranford)" says:
> >>
> >> Sports are mentioned in the Bible: "David served in King Saul's
courts"
> >>
> >> Kids are a great sources for this type of humor...as the child
> >>prayed "Our Father, Who art in heaved, Howard be thy name..."
> ^^^^^^
>Hmmmmmm...... :-)
c2 responds: mia kulpa, meya kuulpha, i kant spel very welle...('specially
at 2 a.m.....)
Tri-State Entertainment CUT RADIO
The first P.A. system was invented in the book of Genesis...
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4244 W Tennessee St #234 | New Rock / Cool Faves / Regional & Unsigned
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Son of Christ
Right Honourable Digweed Thrimble MP <kon...@liverpool.ac.uk> wrote:
>Charles Cranford (ccra...@nyc.pipeline.com) wrote:
>
>> > Cars were mentioned in the Bible: "The apostles were in one ACCORD"
>>
>
>
> "The sound of his triumph was heard across the land!"
>
>> > Sports are mentioned in the Bible: "David served in King Saul's courts"
>
>
> "... and Jesus cleared the temple!"
You are all going to HELL!!!
- and they don't accept American Express there! :)
-t
--
"Believe in me and thou shalt earn extra gold stars." -- Jesus, jr.
Jan de Groot
She sang her children's hymn:
I know a king who rides a donkey,
And his name was Piglet!
Right Honourable Digweed Thrimble MP
Tim Dugan
Reminds me...a couple of xmas's ago, my then 2YO daughter got a box
in the mail and, because I had great difficulty pulling the contents out,
I said "JESUS!" Now, upon seeing that I had pulled out a humanoid
object roughly the size of a baby, Molly exclaimed "It's Baby Jesus!"
Ever since then, she has called her sock monkey Baby Jesus. Somehow,
to me, it is very ironic...
-t
--
"A point in every direction is the same as no point at all!"
Jans Steyn
>From: kon...@liverpool.ac.uk (Right Honourable Digweed Thrimble MP)
>Subject: Re: BIBLE HUMOUR
>Date: Fri, 5 May 1995 14:23:15 GMT
>Charles Cranford (ccra...@nyc.pipeline.com) wrote:
>And pole vaulting:
And someone drinking himself to death:
"...and Able was killed by CANE!" or something like that.
Charles Cranford
said:
>Charles Cranford (ccra...@nyc.pipeline.com) wrote:
>
>> > Cars were mentioned in the Bible: "The apostles were in one ACCORD"
>>
>> In the Old Testament, "God drove them out in his fury"
>
>Also it was said of Moses:
>
> "The sound of his triumph was heard across the land!"
>
>> > Sports are mentioned in the Bible: "David served in King Saul's
courts"
>
>And pole vaulting:
>
> "... and Jesus cleared the temple!"
^^^^
If not, talk to an "old fogie" who remembers what a Fury is (which truly
could be considered
a Humorous Car...thanks for the memories...8-)
James D. Davis
politics:
A1.: Adam was a rough draft.
A2.: If God had made Eve first, she'd have told him how to make
everything else.
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James Davis (ji...@gate.net)
My opinions are my own, not my company's. If I am caught or
killed, the secretary will disavow...
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