NEW thread! Punchlines without jokes.

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9143...@vax1.dcu.ie

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Apr 12, 1994, 4:55:17 PM4/12/94
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A game that used to played in my area (when I was much younger)
was to come up the wierdest / funniest punch-line to a non-existant
joke. It can be quite funny, even when played with innocent (or semi
innocent ) children. How much funnier, I wonder, with the people
on this group?

To start off, this one I remember from years back. It was so good
I thought there *must* be a joke behind it, but if there was, my
friend never told it.

"That wasn't Mohammed" said the rabbi to the priest, "It was the
mouse with a dildo!"

Anyone else out there want to have a go???
J.

beaur...@hannah.enet.dec.com

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Apr 13, 1994, 10:50:24 AM4/13/94
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sounds good to me....someone better keep these for the Canoical list :)

how about.....

"i've heard of being stuck in the thistle, but this is ridiculous"


Kidd Thunder

CHARLES EDWARD JAMES

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Apr 14, 1994, 10:18:45 PM4/14/94
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Wait a minute that's not a duck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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#John Kirk

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Apr 15, 1994, 8:48:02 AM4/15/94
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Cockrobin

Ron Kalmbacher

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Apr 15, 1994, 1:06:31 PM4/15/94
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In article <1994Apr15....@crosfield.co.uk>, j...@crosfield.co.uk (#John Kirk) writes:
>Cockrobin
>
>
What Lorena Bobbitt did?

Larry Fishbach

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Apr 15, 1994, 2:59:03 PM4/15/94
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In article <1994Apr15....@crosfield.co.uk>, j...@crosfield.co.uk (#John Kirk) writes:
> Cockrobin
>
>
>

Batman, is that the gearshift of the batmobile up my behind? No -

--
*******************************************************************************
ma...@hercules.lerc.nasa.gov Larry Fishbach @ NASA Lewis Cleveland Ohio
"Everything here is my own opinion" Quoth the Maven "Evermore"
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Brian Breton

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Apr 17, 1994, 11:57:25 AM4/17/94
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> Cockrobin

Elephantitis


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Carle Amyotte

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Apr 19, 1994, 9:38:50 PM4/19/94
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I think I can get use to this... Check this out ...!

" So the duck looks straight in the eyes of the hunter
and says... Hey ! .... I'll suck the buffalo.


"Never moon a werewolf"
Carle "Ace" Amyotte

--

oliver myra

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Apr 20, 1994, 12:14:31 AM4/20/94
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...And so the nun says,"20 bucks... just like in town."

ta-daa!
( h r i s t o p h e r

Smile (Cynthia Lux)

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Apr 20, 1994, 1:02:45 AM4/20/94
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And then the doctor said, "I am sorry, lady, turns out you were just constipated."

Bev Ashley

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Apr 20, 1994, 10:37:40 AM4/20/94
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"Weevil? I thought you said EVIL!"

- Bev

ZURWAN NAVROZE AMARIA

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Apr 20, 1994, 3:31:16 PM4/20/94
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....so the <insert your favorite type of person here> says to the <insert
your favorite word for a law enforcement constable here>, "<insert your
favorite expletive here>!!!"

I kinda like this.

-ZNA


9143...@vax1.dcu.ie

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Apr 20, 1994, 6:20:49 PM4/20/94
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In article <CoJB8...@freenet.carleton.ca>, ar...@FreeNet.Carleton.CA

Excellent! I love it! How long did it take you to come up with that one?

Oh, and have you noticed that it works equally well depending on where you
place the emphasis???
e.g.
Hey! ... *I'll* suck the buffalo.
OR
Hey! ... I'll *suck* the buffalo!

What do you think about that?
John

Carle Amyotte

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Apr 21, 1994, 12:18:39 AM4/21/94
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John.... How can I put this.... You need help, man....
maybe you *should* suck the buffalo....

JUST KIDDING !!



"Never moon a werewolf.... (suck a buffalo instead)"
Carle "Ace" Amyotte

--

)

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Apr 21, 1994, 3:05:02 PM4/21/94
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furry gnats.

This space intentionally left blank

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Apr 21, 1994, 5:15:23 PM4/21/94
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In article <2p3enk$t...@eis.calstate.edu>, bas...@eis.calstate.edu (Bev Ashley) writes:
> "Weevil? I thought you said EVIL!"

"And the priest survived, but the goat had to have his leg off!!"


-- Mike "will work for punchlines" Bartman --

==============================================================================
| I didn't really say all the things that I said. You probably didn't read |
| what you thought you read. Statistics show that this whole thing is more |
| than likely just a hideous misunderstanding. |
==============================================================================

==============================================================================
Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able to get out.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HOWARD JOHNSON

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Apr 22, 1994, 1:19:37 AM4/22/94
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"So thats what you do with a sheep" said the little boy to the priest.

--
! !
HoJo
e-mail: Howard.J...@uwrf.edu

"There can be only one"
-Highlander
! !

Gavin On Jones

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Apr 22, 1994, 2:46:44 AM4/22/94
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All of the punchlines in this thread *do* have a joke to go with them....
Here they are:
1) Three guys walk into a small town. The priest was well known for his
meatloaf.
2) How do you get a half ton rabbit out of your volkswagon?
3) There was this guy, see? And he got this box in the mail, right? And,
like, he opened it, okay? And do you know what was in it?
4) A travelling salesman stays at a barber shop for the night. When he
wakes up, he finds his head completly shaved. He asks the barber what
happened, to which the barber replies, "

I'm not sure which punchline goes with which joke, so I'll leave it to
someone else to figure out. -Jonathan

Dan Hawkins

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Apr 22, 1994, 8:45:51 AM4/22/94
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... "Nobody eats parsley!"


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Larry Fishbach

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Apr 22, 1994, 9:03:09 AM4/22/94
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An oldie !
What is the difference betweem pussy and parsley?

Checked for speling errors

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Apr 22, 1994, 3:08:23 PM4/22/94
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In article <2p8gtv$5...@meaddata.meaddata.com>,
dhaw...@meaddata.com (Dan Hawkins) writes:
>
>.... "Nobody eats parsley!"

Ed, the envelope please....
What's the diff between pussy and parsley.

Sparky

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Apr 22, 1994, 3:41:36 PM4/22/94
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Re: NEW thread! Punchlines without jokes.

"How do you think I rang the bell?"

.
*...............Sparky
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Larry Fishbach

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Apr 22, 1994, 4:25:23 PM4/22/94
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THESE ARE NOT CHALLENGING AT ALL YET.

A quadruple amputee shows up at a house of ill repute. The madam
opens the door and sees him limbless. What makes you think you
can use our services she asks.

shawn kresal

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Apr 24, 1994, 6:17:42 PM4/24/94
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...so one lesbian says to another "Ohhh, I thought you said 'couscous'!"

Sam Volchenboum

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Apr 24, 1994, 6:20:05 PM4/24/94
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In article <2p999g$g...@newswire.etdesg.TRW.COM>, Sparky
<spa...@strikebase.feast_of_vultures.com> wrote:
>
> Re: NEW thread! Punchlines without jokes.
>
> "How do you think I rang the bell?"
>
>

Also an oldie...about the guy with no arms and legs looking for a job...

9143...@vax1.dcu.ie

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Apr 25, 1994, 1:42:00 PM4/25/94
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People!
Obviously, some people have misunderstood the original post here.
The idea is *NOT* repeat *NOT* to give the punchlines to jokes , and then
have someone give the whole joke later...

The idea is *supposed* to be, to come up with a funny/witty
punchline, for a joke which *DOESN'T EXIST!!!!!*

So far, I have seen only 1 that qualifies. (At least, I am unaware
of any joke attached to it.)

So the duck looks at the hunter straight in the eye, and says..
"Hey... I'll suck the buffalo!"

I am quite sure that my original post was not ambiguous about
this.

Another example comes from Beavis & Butthead,

So the Doctor says, "Rectum? It nearly killed him!"

Rectum = Wrecked him, for those lacking any common sense.

I don't know of any joke with *that* as a punchline, so it
qualifies. It also happens to be funny.

Nit-Nit-Nit-Nit-Nit-Nit-Nit pick.


Mary Ellen Foster

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Apr 25, 1994, 1:39:17 PM4/25/94
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In article <1994Apr25....@vax1.dcu.ie> 9143...@vax1.dcu.ie writes:
>
> The idea is *supposed* to be, to come up with a funny/witty
>punchline, for a joke which *DOESN'T EXIST!!!!!*
>
Okay, how about this one (it's from the episode of the Muppet Show with
Steve Martin, if I remember correctly).

"... but the wallpaper tasted great!"

MEF
--
Mary Ellen Foster, BNR co-op student (disregard any other name in header)
Send all mail to: ao...@freenet.carleton.ca (or via BNR COCOS)

PDF Brown

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Apr 25, 1994, 4:03:46 PM4/25/94
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>> This is an old one.

>> Teacher: And what did you do on Guy Fawkes night Tommy?
>> Tommy: I stuck a firework up our cat's arse miss!
>> Teacher: Rectum Tommy!
>> You can guess the rest, mind you I don't know where doctors come into it

>> Neil
>> tb...@festival.ed.ac.uk
>

Herre de Jonge

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Apr 26, 1994, 9:59:01 AM4/26/94
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... You have to break the crust before you get to the pus.

Mike Czaplinski

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Apr 26, 1994, 2:17:17 PM4/26/94
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....So the guy sez 'Yeah. But you shoulda seen the DUCK! Ha ha ha ha ha....'

(courtesy Jeff Ventimilia, circa 1985, Rutgers University).

Just keeping things legal.

Mike Czaplinski
mcc<at>nsscmail.att.com

David Lee Brown

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Apr 26, 1994, 2:46:46 PM4/26/94
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he...@warns.et.tudelft.nl writes:
> ... You have to break the crust before you get to the pus.
Hey! this is like jeopardy, right?

What is ...

The man gets out of jail after twenty years. The warden gives
him five bucks and wished him good luck. Since he hasn't been
laid in twenty years, he decides to get a hooker. The only one
that will work for only five bucks is eighty years old. But
since he's son horny, he decides to go for it. He starts in,
but it hurts. The old lady's twat is all dried up. He tells
the old woman, "Hey this sucks. Your cunt's too dry." "Well
what do you expect, sonny," she replies ...

THE_EVIL_ONE

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Apr 26, 1994, 11:36:19 PM4/26/94
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....No! I said someone's FUDGED the television antenna!

Westerner

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Apr 27, 1994, 2:18:08 AM4/27/94
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"That reminds me, I just lent the car to your brother"
Funniest joke I've ever heard, write if you want to hear the whole thing,
X rated.
Ed

ANONYMOUS

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Apr 29, 1994, 9:37:45 AM4/29/94
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Okay, how about,

"That thing better have numbers on it when you pull it out!"

or, better yet

"A fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck and 100 bucks for a fucked up duck!"

Enjoy.

James Stanton

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Apr 30, 1994, 1:50:21 AM4/30/94
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<2p2a77...@umbc8.umbc.edu> <90...@falcon.ukc.ac.uk>
I've heard the jokes for both of those, so they're not exactly
"Punchlines without jokes".

Matthew Stanton
matthew...@morris.lakeside.sea.wa.us
--
___________________________________________________________________________
Jim Stanton ji...@eskimo.com
Seattle, WA

Randy Patton

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Apr 29, 1994, 4:10:33 PM4/29/94
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"We would, but his hooks scratch the piano keys."


=========================================================================
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Technical Coordinator = becoming dull and monogamous."
Virginia Tech English Dept. =
Randy....@vt.edu = -- One of my freshman writing students
=========================================================================

Roberta Richards

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Apr 30, 1994, 2:12:24 AM4/30/94
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...Von Braun slaps his forehead and shouts, "Vow! I could haff had a V-8!"

<smirk>

Christine Lowe

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May 3, 1994, 12:52:46 PM5/3/94
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"Wrong hole! Wrong hole!'


Actually there *was* a joke that went with this punch line
but I can't remember it. I believe it was slightly obscene
and very funny but that's all I remember about it.

Aaron Weintraub

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May 3, 1994, 3:56:40 PM5/3/94
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And the ever popular...

"No soap, Radio!"
Aaron

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Nervous about flying? I could be pursuing an untamed Antidae
Yes.. without cause-- Data: Star Trek:TNG
Is this your first time? Aar...@wam.umd.edu EE major (I hope)
No, I've been nervous lots of times.<--Airplane I
GEE d? p c++ l u+ e+ m--- s+/ n-- h !f-- g+ w t++ r+ y?

Christopher Sean Jackson

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May 5, 1994, 4:57:53 PM5/5/94
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...And if cucumbers mowed lawns, we wouldn't need you
either!
+--------------------------------------------------------+
| Christopher Jackson | Where your eyes don't go, |
| jac...@decster.uta.edu | A part of you is hovering. |
| | It's a nightmare that you'll |
| | Never be discovering... |
| | -They Might Be Giants |
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g+ w+ r++(+++) !y


burn...@vmsmail.gov.bc.ca

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May 10, 1994, 8:51:16 PM5/10/94
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In article <1994May5.2...@news.uta.edu>, jac...@news.uta.edu (Christopher Sean Jackson) writes:
>
> ...And if cucumbers mowed lawns, we wouldn't need you
> either!
>
If sheep could cook, we wouldn't need wymmin.

<I can feel the flames now...>

>
--
Disclaimer: The opinions and statements contained in this posting are the sole
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by my employer or any network service.

Dave Donaghy

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May 15, 1994, 9:59:58 AM5/15/94
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burn...@vmsmail.gov.bc.ca wrote:

: In article <1994May5.2...@news.uta.edu>, jac...@news.uta.edu (Christopher Sean Jackson) writes:
: >
: > ...And if cucumbers mowed lawns, we wouldn't need you
: > either!
: >
: If sheep could cook, we wouldn't need wymmin.

"And then the Bishop said 'No, but I'd like to see him try!'"

Dave

Barry Gunn

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May 16, 1994, 6:54:30 PM5/16/94
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"Is the bar tender here?"
Keep the tip.
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
"Not too bad for a Pastor in a small town with no car."
Snow White's cherry
Mace.
"I can see your house from up here"
So you can carry 'em like a sixpack.
You'd think the second guy would've seen it comming.
"If she ain't good enough for her own family, then she ain't good enough
for ours."
Stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.
"It's a lot better than pork, isn't it"
"I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell."
A good start!
"Oh, it's just like a cock...only smaller."
"frayed knot"
Arty chokes two for a dollar at the supermarket
SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE
Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.
"If I'm gonna BE impotent, I wanna LOOK impotent."
His Dick tastes like shit
"I didn't say she was crazy..I said that she was fucking Goofy!"
He worked it out with a pencil.
"I forgot, I already gave your brother the car."
Making an obscene clone fall.
"My name's Bruce, and I'm going to a costume party"
NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS
"Why not just use a vase"
"OK, I'll do the dishes tonight"
There's liquid paper all over the screen!
"Come on DAD are you going to mess around or play golf?"
"About five minutes after mommy leaves."
"No, he thinks he's Arnold Palmer"
"Why do you ask, Two-dogs-fucking?"
The other two drowned; they couldn't get the tailgate down.
Who cares. What's she doin' out of the kitchen?
"Some people just can't tell a joke"/"thats one we haven't heard"
"Thalidomide; I don't know how to knit sleeves."
"No, you're going to EAT ME like the book says"
Kids don't eat broccoli.
"My sisters' a hoe, and she don't look nuthin' like that."
"Mama Mia!"
One's a good year and the other's a great year.
"It was Hillary's handwriting"
He took off the blindfold, and there was a room full of people.

--
_
[o] Barry Gunn -> Hewlett Packard Co
/|\ bar...@lsid.hp.com

Troy Podbury

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May 19, 1994, 6:59:19 PM5/19/94
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In article <Cpx3M...@hpcvsnz.cv.hp.com> Barry Gunn, bar...@lsid.hp.com
writes:

>His Dick tastes like shit

No, it's "I wondered why jis dick tastes like shit"

DMitchell2

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Jun 30, 1994, 12:23:02 AM6/30/94
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In article <2rgr07$h...@falcon.abare.gov.au>, Troy Podbury
<tpod...@abare.gov.au> writes:

How about.....

1. Hot buttered corncobs
2. Why don't you get a vase?

Jonathan Haas

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Jun 30, 1994, 4:00:50 PM6/30/94
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DMitchell2 <dmitc...@aol.com> wrote:
>
>How about.....

>
>2. Why don't you get a vase?

So the woman says to her friend, "Shit, my husband brought home a bouqet
of flowers. I'm going to have to spend the whole weekend with my legs
in the air."

--
__/\__ Jonathan S. Haas | Jake liked his women the way he liked
\ / Mission Critical Software | his kiwi fruit: sweet yet tart, firm-
/_ _\ posi...@neosoft.com | fleshed yet yielding to the touch, and
\/ Finger for PGP 2.3 key | covered with short brown fuzzy hair.

MrSpankMan

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Sep 30, 2020, 12:15:40 AM9/30/20
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