NEW thread! Punchlines without jokes.
9143...@vax1.dcu.ie
was to come up the wierdest / funniest punch-line to a non-existant
joke. It can be quite funny, even when played with innocent (or semi
innocent ) children. How much funnier, I wonder, with the people
on this group?
To start off, this one I remember from years back. It was so good
I thought there *must* be a joke behind it, but if there was, my
friend never told it.
"That wasn't Mohammed" said the rabbi to the priest, "It was the
mouse with a dildo!"
Anyone else out there want to have a go???
J.
beaur...@hannah.enet.dec.com
sounds good to me....someone better keep these for the Canoical list :)
how about.....
"i've heard of being stuck in the thistle, but this is ridiculous"
Kidd Thunder
CHARLES EDWARD JAMES
--
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| Lehigh University | 1994 AL CENTRAL CHAMPIONS!!!! |
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#John Kirk
Ron Kalmbacher
>Cockrobin
>
>
What Lorena Bobbitt did?
Larry Fishbach
> Cockrobin
>
>
>
Batman, is that the gearshift of the batmobile up my behind? No -
--
*******************************************************************************
ma...@hercules.lerc.nasa.gov Larry Fishbach @ NASA Lewis Cleveland Ohio
"Everything here is my own opinion" Quoth the Maven "Evermore"
*******************************************************************************
Brian Breton
Elephantitis
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" All opinions are mine!
What's up, doc? - B. Bunny
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Carle Amyotte
I think I can get use to this... Check this out ...!
" So the duck looks straight in the eyes of the hunter
and says... Hey ! .... I'll suck the buffalo.
"Never moon a werewolf"
Carle "Ace" Amyotte
--
oliver myra
ta-daa!
( h r i s t o p h e r
Smile (Cynthia Lux)
And then the doctor said, "I am sorry, lady, turns out you were just constipated."
Bev Ashley
- Bev
ZURWAN NAVROZE AMARIA
your favorite word for a law enforcement constable here>, "<insert your
favorite expletive here>!!!"
I kinda like this.
-ZNA
9143...@vax1.dcu.ie
Excellent! I love it! How long did it take you to come up with that one?
Oh, and have you noticed that it works equally well depending on where you
place the emphasis???
e.g.
Hey! ... *I'll* suck the buffalo.
OR
Hey! ... I'll *suck* the buffalo!
What do you think about that?
John
Carle Amyotte
John.... How can I put this.... You need help, man....
maybe you *should* suck the buffalo....
JUST KIDDING !!
"Never moon a werewolf.... (suck a buffalo instead)"
Carle "Ace" Amyotte
--
)
furry gnats.
This space intentionally left blank
> "Weevil? I thought you said EVIL!"
"And the priest survived, but the goat had to have his leg off!!"
-- Mike "will work for punchlines" Bartman --
==============================================================================
| I didn't really say all the things that I said. You probably didn't read |
| what you thought you read. Statistics show that this whole thing is more |
| than likely just a hideous misunderstanding. |
==============================================================================
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Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able to get out.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HOWARD JOHNSON
--
! !
HoJo
e-mail: Howard.J...@uwrf.edu
"There can be only one"
-Highlander
! !
Gavin On Jones
Here they are:
1) Three guys walk into a small town. The priest was well known for his
meatloaf.
2) How do you get a half ton rabbit out of your volkswagon?
3) There was this guy, see? And he got this box in the mail, right? And,
like, he opened it, okay? And do you know what was in it?
4) A travelling salesman stays at a barber shop for the night. When he
wakes up, he finds his head completly shaved. He asks the barber what
happened, to which the barber replies, "
I'm not sure which punchline goes with which joke, so I'll leave it to
someone else to figure out. -Jonathan
Dan Hawkins
... "Nobody eats parsley!"
--
____________________________________________________________________
|Dan Hawkins | |
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Larry Fishbach
An oldie !
What is the difference betweem pussy and parsley?
Checked for speling errors
Ed, the envelope please....
What's the diff between pussy and parsley.
Sparky
"How do you think I rang the bell?"
.
*...............Sparky
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Larry Fishbach
THESE ARE NOT CHALLENGING AT ALL YET.
A quadruple amputee shows up at a house of ill repute. The madam
opens the door and sees him limbless. What makes you think you
can use our services she asks.
shawn kresal
...so one lesbian says to another "Ohhh, I thought you said 'couscous'!"
Sam Volchenboum
>
> Re: NEW thread! Punchlines without jokes.
>
> "How do you think I rang the bell?"
>
>
Also an oldie...about the guy with no arms and legs looking for a job...
9143...@vax1.dcu.ie
Obviously, some people have misunderstood the original post here.
The idea is *NOT* repeat *NOT* to give the punchlines to jokes , and then
have someone give the whole joke later...
The idea is *supposed* to be, to come up with a funny/witty
punchline, for a joke which *DOESN'T EXIST!!!!!*
So far, I have seen only 1 that qualifies. (At least, I am unaware
of any joke attached to it.)
So the duck looks at the hunter straight in the eye, and says..
"Hey... I'll suck the buffalo!"
I am quite sure that my original post was not ambiguous about
this.
Another example comes from Beavis & Butthead,
So the Doctor says, "Rectum? It nearly killed him!"
Rectum = Wrecked him, for those lacking any common sense.
I don't know of any joke with *that* as a punchline, so it
qualifies. It also happens to be funny.
Nit-Nit-Nit-Nit-Nit-Nit-Nit pick.
Mary Ellen Foster
>
> The idea is *supposed* to be, to come up with a funny/witty
>punchline, for a joke which *DOESN'T EXIST!!!!!*
>
Steve Martin, if I remember correctly).
"... but the wallpaper tasted great!"
MEF
--
Mary Ellen Foster, BNR co-op student (disregard any other name in header)
Send all mail to: ao...@freenet.carleton.ca (or via BNR COCOS)
PDF Brown
>> Teacher: And what did you do on Guy Fawkes night Tommy?
>> Tommy: I stuck a firework up our cat's arse miss!
>> Teacher: Rectum Tommy!
>> You can guess the rest, mind you I don't know where doctors come into it
>> Neil
>> tb...@festival.ed.ac.uk
>
Herre de Jonge
Mike Czaplinski
(courtesy Jeff Ventimilia, circa 1985, Rutgers University).
Just keeping things legal.
Mike Czaplinski
mcc<at>nsscmail.att.com
David Lee Brown
What is ...
The man gets out of jail after twenty years. The warden gives
him five bucks and wished him good luck. Since he hasn't been
laid in twenty years, he decides to get a hooker. The only one
that will work for only five bucks is eighty years old. But
since he's son horny, he decides to go for it. He starts in,
but it hurts. The old lady's twat is all dried up. He tells
the old woman, "Hey this sucks. Your cunt's too dry." "Well
what do you expect, sonny," she replies ...
THE_EVIL_ONE
....No! I said someone's FUDGED the television antenna!
Westerner
Funniest joke I've ever heard, write if you want to hear the whole thing,
X rated.
Ed
ANONYMOUS
"That thing better have numbers on it when you pull it out!"
or, better yet
"A fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck and 100 bucks for a fucked up duck!"
Enjoy.
James Stanton
"Punchlines without jokes".
Matthew Stanton
matthew...@morris.lakeside.sea.wa.us
--
___________________________________________________________________________
Jim Stanton ji...@eskimo.com
Seattle, WA
Randy Patton
"We would, but his hooks scratch the piano keys."
=========================================================================
H. Randy Patton = "We need variety to keep life from
Technical Coordinator = becoming dull and monogamous."
Virginia Tech English Dept. =
Randy....@vt.edu = -- One of my freshman writing students
=========================================================================
Roberta Richards
<smirk>
Christine Lowe
"Wrong hole! Wrong hole!'
Actually there *was* a joke that went with this punch line
but I can't remember it. I believe it was slightly obscene
and very funny but that's all I remember about it.
Aaron Weintraub
"No soap, Radio!"
Aaron
--
Nervous about flying? I could be pursuing an untamed Antidae
Yes.. without cause-- Data: Star Trek:TNG
Is this your first time? Aar...@wam.umd.edu EE major (I hope)
No, I've been nervous lots of times.<--Airplane I
GEE d? p c++ l u+ e+ m--- s+/ n-- h !f-- g+ w t++ r+ y?
Christopher Sean Jackson
...And if cucumbers mowed lawns, we wouldn't need you
either!
+--------------------------------------------------------+
| Christopher Jackson | Where your eyes don't go, |
| jac...@decster.uta.edu | A part of you is hovering. |
| | It's a nightmare that you'll |
| | Never be discovering... |
| | -They Might Be Giants |
+--------------------------------------------------------+
GSS -d+ p+ c+/++++ l? u+ e+(*) m--- s++/+++ !n h-- f+
g+ w+ r++(+++) !y
burn...@vmsmail.gov.bc.ca
>
> ...And if cucumbers mowed lawns, we wouldn't need you
> either!
>
<I can feel the flames now...>
>
--
Disclaimer: The opinions and statements contained in this posting are the sole
responsibility of the author and have not in any way been reviewed or approved
by my employer or any network service.
Dave Donaghy
: In article <1994May5.2...@news.uta.edu>, jac...@news.uta.edu (Christopher Sean Jackson) writes:
: >
: > ...And if cucumbers mowed lawns, we wouldn't need you
: > either!
: >
: If sheep could cook, we wouldn't need wymmin.
"And then the Bishop said 'No, but I'd like to see him try!'"
Dave
Barry Gunn
Keep the tip.
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
"Not too bad for a Pastor in a small town with no car."
Snow White's cherry
Mace.
"I can see your house from up here"
So you can carry 'em like a sixpack.
You'd think the second guy would've seen it comming.
"If she ain't good enough for her own family, then she ain't good enough
for ours."
Stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.
"It's a lot better than pork, isn't it"
"I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell."
A good start!
"Oh, it's just like a cock...only smaller."
"frayed knot"
Arty chokes two for a dollar at the supermarket
SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE
Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.
"If I'm gonna BE impotent, I wanna LOOK impotent."
His Dick tastes like shit
"I didn't say she was crazy..I said that she was fucking Goofy!"
He worked it out with a pencil.
"I forgot, I already gave your brother the car."
Making an obscene clone fall.
"My name's Bruce, and I'm going to a costume party"
NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS
"Why not just use a vase"
"OK, I'll do the dishes tonight"
There's liquid paper all over the screen!
"Come on DAD are you going to mess around or play golf?"
"About five minutes after mommy leaves."
"No, he thinks he's Arnold Palmer"
"Why do you ask, Two-dogs-fucking?"
The other two drowned; they couldn't get the tailgate down.
Who cares. What's she doin' out of the kitchen?
"Some people just can't tell a joke"/"thats one we haven't heard"
"Thalidomide; I don't know how to knit sleeves."
"No, you're going to EAT ME like the book says"
Kids don't eat broccoli.
"My sisters' a hoe, and she don't look nuthin' like that."
"Mama Mia!"
One's a good year and the other's a great year.
"It was Hillary's handwriting"
He took off the blindfold, and there was a room full of people.
--
_
[o] Barry Gunn -> Hewlett Packard Co
/|\ bar...@lsid.hp.com
Troy Podbury
writes:
>His Dick tastes like shit
No, it's "I wondered why jis dick tastes like shit"
DMitchell2
<tpod...@abare.gov.au> writes:
How about.....
1. Hot buttered corncobs
2. Why don't you get a vase?
Jonathan Haas
>
>How about.....
>
>2. Why don't you get a vase?
So the woman says to her friend, "Shit, my husband brought home a bouqet
of flowers. I'm going to have to spend the whole weekend with my legs
in the air."
--
__/\__ Jonathan S. Haas | Jake liked his women the way he liked
\ / Mission Critical Software | his kiwi fruit: sweet yet tart, firm-
/_ _\ posi...@neosoft.com | fleshed yet yielding to the touch, and
\/ Finger for PGP 2.3 key | covered with short brown fuzzy hair.
