Martial Art Humor
Richard Desaulniers
know of sites having such material.
I have been given the task of publishing the newsletter of our
organization and looking for filler material to inject a
little levity{;)}
Thanks.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Richard W. Desaulniers InterNet : desa...@mprgate.mpr.ca
MPR Teltech Ltd. "Creating New Ways to Communicate"
Ph. 604-293-5424
Fax. 604-293-5787 http://www.mpr.ca/
Cheryl Nishikawara
>From: Richard Desaulniers <desa...@mprgate.mpr.ca>
>Subject: Martial Art Humor
>Date: 26 Jun 1995 20:52:03 GMT
>Anyone out there have any good martial arts jokes, etc, or
>know of sites having such material.
>I have been given the task of publishing the newsletter of our
>organization and looking for filler material to inject a
>little levity{;)}
You could have a little simple line drawing of a guy doing a side-kick
or something, with a really big foot. The opponent would be falling over
but have a big smile on his face and the caption would read, "I got
a real kick out of that!"
Too stupid? Oh, well ...
Dick Knight
Richard Desaulniers <desa...@mprgate.mpr.ca> wrote:
>Anyone out there have any good martial arts jokes, etc, or
>know of sites having such material.
A man goes to the doctor's complaining of deafness. On arrival, he finds
that his doctor is on holiday and a locum is temporarily running the
practice. The locum turns out to be a man of Japanese origin, with an
active interest in Martial Arts.
"What seems to be tlouble?" he asks.
"Pardon?" says the man. Eventually the doctor works out that deafness is
the problem.
"HOW RONG AGO DID THIS FIRST START?" asks the doctor.
"About 2 or 3 months ago"
"Good. TAKE OUT YOUR WIRRY"
"WHAT," says the man, appalled. "Get my willy out?"
"_Y_ _E_ _S_ -- T A K E O U T Y O U R W I R R Y."
"That's ridiculous - I don't listen with my willy!" retorts the man.
"NEVERRESS TAKE OUT WIRRY AND PRACE ON TABLE"
Eventually the man decides to play along and unzips his fly, whips out
his todger and lays it out on the table. He then tries to look
nonchalant, without much success. While he is looking the other way, the
small doctor comes screaming across the road and places a well aimed
karate chop in the centre of the man's penis.
"AAAAAAAAAARRRGGGHH!" He screams (amongst other things).
And the wax in his ears goes "Phrooomp" and hits the walls on either
side of his head.
-----
Dick Knight
"With is a word that you should not begin or end a sentence with."
Don Wagner
writes:
>In article <3sn6lj$7...@viking.mpr.ca>,
> Richard Desaulniers <desa...@mprgate.mpr.ca> wrote:
>>Anyone out there have any good martial arts jokes, etc, or
>>know of sites having such material.
>
"None...Ninjas aren't afraid of the dark!"
Brian Carey
: Dick Knight (r...@geatland.bt.co.uk) wrote:
: : "With is a word that you should not begin or end a sentence with."
: It is imperative to always, always avoid splitting infinitives.
Also, always avoid academic or affected alliteration.
--
Brian M. Carey --> car...@netaxs.com
"Our curiosity is naturally prompted to inquire by what means the
Christian faith obtained so remarkable a victory over the established
religions of the earth. To this inquiry, an obvious but satisfactory
answer may be returned; that it was owing to the convincing evidence of
the doctrine itself, and to the ruling providence of its great Author."
-- Edward Gibbon, _The Decline And Fall Of The Roman Empire_, ch. XV
Dick Knight
ad...@crl.com (Stuart A. Bronstein) wrote:
>I wrote:
>
>: "With is a word that you should not begin or end a sentence
with."
>
>It is imperative to always, always avoid splitting infinitives.
I know, I know. But infinity is so large, its easier to split it
than go around.
---
Dick Knight
"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist" Last words of General
Sedgewick
Jae Kim
: Anyone out there have any good martial arts jokes, etc, or
: know of sites having such material.
Here is one of my favorite jokes, told to me by my fathea :)
***********
Long ago, in ancient Japan, there were 3 samurai who were famed for
their swordsmanship. However, since the emperor treasured them too much,
he forbade them from dueling each other.
Finally, they decided that they had to find out, and went to the emperor
so that he could decide who was the best swordsman.
The emperor gathers them in to a closed room, and has them sit down.
He points to the first samurai. The samurai bows and gets in to his ready
position with his hand on his sword.
The emperor reaches in to a box and releases a fly. The sword flashes
once - so fast it could barely be seen. The fly drops in 2 pieces to
the mat.
The emperor nods at the job well done.
He points to the second samurai. That samurai bows and stands in his
ready position. The emperor once again reaches in to the box and releases
a fly. The sword flashed twice, almost before the emperor can blink his
eye. The fly drops in 4 pieces on the mat.
"Ahh," breathes the emperor.
He points to the 3rd samurai. That samurai bows and stands in his ready
position. For the third time, the emperor reaches in to the box and
releases a fly.
The sword flashes once, then is put away. However, much to the
emperor's annoyance, the fly is still buzzing around.
"You are supposed to be one of the best swordsman in all of Japan," the
emperor says, "and yet, you cannot even kill a simple fly?"
"The fly may fly," replies the third samurai, "but he will never
reproduce again."
Jae Kim
Brad Webb
for my own amusement.
I've tried to keep the posters name/email address... please refer
to them for permission.
====================================================================
From: ab...@detroit.freenet.org (Timothy J. Schutte)
Subject: Re: Smoking and martial arts
Date: 7 Nov 1994 05:23:25 GMT
In a previous article, wil...@gpu.srv.ualberta.ca (Len Wilson) says:
>SMOKING AND KARATE DO NOT MIX!! At least not for me; my cigarettes always
>go out when I'm doing kata.
People insist on trying to kick my pipe out of my mouth--very irritating!
>I keep spilling my beer during the jump kicks, too.
Messy, isn't it?
>Think of it as Iron Lung practice.
But the oxygen tank will get in the way...
--
Timothy J. Schutte | "A Person's Heart is the same as
ab...@detroit.freenet.org | Heaven and Earth."
KC8HR@WB8ZPN.#SEMI.MI.USA.NA | --1st Code of Isshinryu Karatedo
===================================================================
From: Michael Weishaar <weis...@cig.mot.com>
Subject: Should we kill the Buddha?
Date: 2 Dec 1994 15:06:16 GMT
OK, there is the old phrase "If you see the Buddha along the side of the
road, kill him."
Since it is Friday, and the end of the work week, I was trying to interpret
this, but the week's worth of radiation from my monitor has fried my brain.
1) If your car breaks down, hope that no Buddhists drive by and think
that you are the Buddha and try to kill you.
2) There is another sentence to add to the end of the first one:
"You may then collect the $10,000 bounty offered by the Catholic church
for the head of any other religion's God."
3) But say something cool before you kill him, like "You'll be back."
-Michael
"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it."
==================================================================
From: gray...@crl.com (Eugene Lin)
Subject: The Bracie Challenge
Date: 8 Dec 1994 20:20:16 -0800
Hello, fellow martial artists. My name is Gorion Bracie, son of Felio
Bracie, the founder of Bracie JuJu. Bracie JuJu has been unbeaten for
69 years. We have an open challenge to fight any person. However, if
you wish to fight us, you must first enter the Penultimate Fighting
Championship (P.F.C.). You must first fight many other people who you
have no desire to fight. If you are lucky, you might get to fight
a Bracie brother in the PFC. Now, some people have said that my
brother, Boyce Bracie, winner of PFC I and II, was injured in his
first fight in PFC III and could not continue. Even though Boyce's
face was an unrecognizable mess, his arm was bent the other way, and
he was vomiting blood after the first fight at PFC III, he was not
injured at all in the fight. Even though the ring doctor said that
Boyce was injured in the fight, he was not. You see, Boyce contracted
a strange virus before the fight, which caused to look like he was
injured. Because of this strange virus, he could not continue. No
one could really harm Boyce. My student, Michael Bash, says that
we Bracies are the best. Bash told me he used my techniques to win
a streetfight. I am glad to have students like Michael Bash.
Sometimes, when Bash looks at me with that worshipful, adoring look,
it makes me feel as if I am a god. Now some people say that the
PFC is a Bracie event. Now, the PFC is run by me and Bart Babie,
who was the first Bracie JuJu student in the U.S.. However, even
though the PFC is run by a Bracie and the first Bracie student,
it has nothing to do with the Bracies. Michael Bash will tell you
that this is true. Would I lie to you?
Gorion Bracie
==================================================================
From: iv5...@tntech.edu (Ivan Vasilev)
Subject: THE OFFICIAL GJJ NEWS UPDATE (part II)
Date: 12 Dec 94 14:39:03 -0600
* * * * * *
Sister Macy (Macy's Catholic Academy Of The Divine Mothers)
has challenged Brother Gracie (Gracie's Jujutsu Academy Of The Gracie
Brothers) to a fight. On why Sister Macy would issue a fighting challenge,
the venerable nun replied: "The Catholic Academy can use sixty gran and I
sure as hell could use some exercise." On the question of what would she
do if Gracie puts a choke on her, she said: "My Lord, the Christ, was
nailed to a cross, but he still managed to get out of it. What is a choke
compared to that, uh? It will be a piece of cake. ...But I'll have some holy
water on hand, to drive the evil forces away, if the need arises!"
Brother Gracie has declined the challenge, so now the venerable
sisters are suing the Gracie Academy for sex discrimination. Sister Macy:
"One way or another, them sixty gran are mine!"
* * * * * *
Undertaker was asked what he things about Gracie and about the
fact that all fights end on the ground. "His fights may end on the ground.
My opponents end up under it. After all, it is my trade!"
It is known for sure that the Gracies have never challenged
Undertaker to a fight. This is significant in itself!
* * * * * *
Rumor has it that the Gracies have used a spiritual adviser (Sri
Babahirji Deva) in order to challenge the spirit of O-Sensei.The spirit of
O-Sensei have said: "All is Love, I'm Love, I'm all. I love too much them
fools - I can't possibly fight them." At that point, a Gracie has lost
control and attempted to punch the spirit. However, the spirit has evaided
the attack by turning (tenkan) away from the punch. Gracie: "If I can only
take you to the ground... then you'll see!!!" Spirit: "All is Love, sugar,
rejoice!"
Sri Babahirji Deva have told the Gracies though, that the spirit of
Sokaku Takeda has appeared to enquire about a possible fight. The
Gracies have declined that challenge.
* * * * * *
Helio has scheduled a mach against Judo Gene LaBelle. In this
mach, the use of artificial teeth has been forbiden.
In a conference the two have met to discuss the fight. Helio:"I'll
beat the hell outa you with my cane!" LaBelle: "How you gonna do that,
dummy? You won't be able to stay on your feet without that cane." Helio:
"I don't need to stand on my feet, asshole, all fights end on the ground".
LaBelle: "Who are you calling an asshole, asshole?" at which point
LaBelle has attmepted a punch, but in the middle of it he had ran out of
breath, so a break was called (as to prevent possible cardio-vascular arrest).
This will be one interesting mach!
-= Swami Mama =-
[special UFC correspondent]
==================================================================
From: iv5...@tntech.edu (Ivan Vasilev)
Subject: THE OFFICIAL GJJ NEWS UPDATE
Date: 10 Dec 94 23:11:36 -0600
* * * * * *
It has been made official. Rocky V *will* participate in the UFC
VI!
* * * * * *
GJJ is the only jiujitsu style in the world that has no concept of
atemi waza. Here's what the official GJJ spokeperson, M. Dash said in
responce: "We don't know what atemi is, but if it isn't a choke, it's no
good and we have no use for it. Besides, all fights end on the ground.
Karate sucks. Thank you."
* * * * * *
In an exhibition match, Yokozuna managed to pass Gracie's guard
and sat right on top of him. After 20 minutes of high suspense, the Gracies
management threw in the white towel and the honest and impartial judge
declared the fight a tie. After the match our reporter asked Yokozuna if it
wasn't too cruel to sit on top of somebody for twenty minutes. Yokozuna
replied: "Was he under me?? Gosh, I didn't even know it. I was tired, so I
was sitting there, resting, waiting for him to come back to me from
wherever he was hiding."
Gracie's comment: "I was just practicing the old ninjutsu trick of
being invisible. The fat slob was confused. He was ready to give up. I won!
We'd take that judge off the payroll as soon as possible!"
* * * * * *
It has been commented that Spartacus fought lions and Mas
Oyama fought bulls. How come Gracie has not fought an animal yet?
Hellio responded: "Lions bite. That's againts UFC rules!"
* * * * * *
The public at large has been curious about Kimo's tattoo and why
does it say "JESUS". Kimo's personal response was:"Go fuck yourself!"
Later on, his aunt, Jemima Kimomi explained: "He has always been a very
religious and spiritually inclined boy and the sufferings of Christ left a deep
impression on his tender soul. Few months ago he became a born again
Christian".
* * * * * *
Gracie was asked how would he fight a weapon, say a numchak,
if he had to. The answer was as follows: "I would be cautious at first, but
then suddenly I would surge forward and close the distance. I would grab
it tightly, take it to the ground and choke it to death. Then I would deal
with whoever was holding it in a similar manner."
==================================================================
From: iv5...@tntech.edu (Ivan Vasilev)
Subject: THE OFFICIAL GJJ NEWS UPDATE (part III)
Date: 13 Dec 94 09:46:20 -0600
* * * * * *
The Dirty Dozen have given up on the Seagall challenge, so now
they've turned to the Gracies. Superfoot Bill Wallace: "I hear that the
Gracies have bad mouthed Chuck Norris. Chuck is an old friend of mine
and a very sweet person. He hasn't harmed anyone in his entire life and he
hasn't said a bad word about anyone either. Bad mouthing Chuck is like
spitting on the icon of the Virgin Mary. We take a personal offence in that.
We will fight them to the death." Gracie: "Well, there are only 10 of them,
but 12 of us. We only ask them to find themselves two more people so
that we can make it a true family event."
* * * * * *
Rickson was asked if he is not intimidated by Superfoot Wallace.
After all, Superfoot is the best kicker of all times. Rickson: "Not really.
They call me Superchoke Rickson".
* * * * * *
Toys R Us have come up with a gracie-doll that is to be
distributed at the UFC. The doll is dressed in a white pajama with a black
belt and when you put it in the horizontal position, it says "Choke him,
choke him!"
There is also a kimo-doll that talks as well, when in the horizontal
position. The doll is X-rated and we're not at liberty to say what is that the
kimo-doll says. In order to hear it, you must be 21 or older. The doll also
scratches his crotch.
* * * * * *
The newest member of the Gracie family, Pueblo Gracie, was
born early Saturday morning. His mother has attempted to breast-feed
him, but little Pueblo has wondered off the breast, grabbed his mother's
throat and alsmost choked her to death. Mariossa Gracie is in critical, but
stable condition. Helio has gone to visit the lucky mother and he have told
her: "Mariossa, you've done well. We're so proud of you! Wash him up,
find him a gi and send him to me. He needs to train".
It is reported that by late Monday night, little Pueblo has mastered
all of the family fighting techniques and is in a top physical condition. Since
Arnold Shwarzeneger is scheduled to give birth (at the movies) to a little
Terminator babe, Rorion has plans. UFC IV will open with a special
exhibition fight between Pueblo Gracie and Terminator Jr. The fighters will
be provided with free diapers by HugSoft, which will sponsor the fight.
-= Swami Mama =-
==================================================================
From: jo...@snugbug.cts.com (Joan Tine)
Subject: Re: fighting women
Michael Dash (das...@earthlink.net) wrote:
: The akwardness in grappling a woman is that you're bound to touch something
: you're not supposed to. Certain moves require planting your hands firmly on
: the chest. So what's the protocol? Should the male grappler not worry about
: it or should he go out of his way to avoid contact with her "private parts"?
: I only ask becuase I'm sure some of the garabbing can seem intentional. The
: few times I've sparred with women, I find myself putting a lot of concetration
: in not touching anything I'm not supposed to, which makes things awkward.
: M. Dash
Excuse me, Michael, but I almost sprayed my coffee on an expensive monitor!
(And I was taught never to dunk a monitor!)
Suffice to say that you aquit yourself as a gentleman (I'm still
near hysterics!) but the solution is really simple: fiberglass bras.
You only need to get tagged once before they end up on your
shopping list. After aquiring the proper equipment, any inadvertent
touching will have all the erotic appeal of groping the bumper on
a '57 De Soto:). Any woman who doesn't wear proper equipment _should_.
Would you rollerblade without knee and wrist guards? Shoot without
eye and ear protection? Order Kim Chee without a HMO?
More to the point, if the woman you're sparring with has your best
interests at heart, she'll likely kick you around sufficiently
that you have too much to worry about in the basic combat mode to
worry overmuch about social awkwardness...in the nicest possible
way, nacherly.
Joan
--
There are so few things capable of provoking a really
enjoyable sense of shame anymore...sigh.
==================================================================
From: nob...@aol.com (NoBrute)
Subject: Re: fighting women
Flame Review-- Radner Delights Fans With Latest Effort
Lauren Radner's highly awaited latest flame, recently posted on the "Re:
fighting women" thread, is sure to enthrall, engage, and energize even her
most demanding fans. Directed at the newly renamed "InSensate" Paul, her
newest work unfurls in an organized, methodical fashion, comprehensively
blanketing all possible areas in the unique style that has already
established her name among the top flamers practicing the craft anywhere.
From the start, after a moment of indecisiveness in the style of Hamlet,
Ms.
Radner then joyously launches into her latest masterpiece with her
trademark
directness; "Dammit, yes I will."
A series of questions follow that answer more than they ask, making her
point
better than most of today's flamers could do in a complete tome. With her
point already enshrined in stone, Ms. Radner then takes the reader through
a numbered
list of points, discussing and illuminating diverse yet connected points
on
everything from comparative human sexual anatomy to "rank dropping" to
correct English language usage to the correct size of the flamees lines.
A notable departure for Ms. Radner is the use of vernacular that might be
characterized as distracting for a lesser flamer. The word "asshole" is
used
no less than three times, prefaced once with the adjective "ignorant".
There
is another memorable passage where Ms. Radner advises her readers of
imminent
projectile vomit.
These minor complications aside, Ms. Radner's latest masterpiece is sure
to
provoke positive thought among all her fans. Reading, for example, her
physiological comparison of the body's considerable protection afforded
the
female reproductive organs vs their virtually unprotected male
counterparts,
one stops to consider any possible Darwinian explanation. To any of this
author's fans, the obvious answer is that males were made that way so that
discerning women like Ms. Radner would have an easier time kicking in the
"Baby Factory" of men that, for the betterment of us all, should not be
taking any dips in the gene pool.
==================================================================
From: Trevor...@f514.n229.z1.fidonet.org (Trevor Warren)
Date: 28 Dec 94 16:00:00 -0500
Subject: The Ten Commandments...
Iver Wt Wrote:
IW> From: ive...@aol.com (Iver WT)
IW> Date: 14 Dec 1994 13:15:07 -0500
IW> Message-Id: <3cncnb$f...@newsbf01.news.aol.com>
IW>
IW> Hi All,
IW> I found this on the rec.scuba newsgroup. For those of you who
IW> haven't spent time in that group, they often spend as much time flaming
IW> each other as we do. I am reposting this piece by Ron Throw since much
IW> of it seems pertinent to rec.ma as well. Enjoy.
IW>
IW> 1) Thou shalt harangue others into submission until they stop
IW> experimenting,
IW> for then shall you feel righteous in ignorance.
IW>
IW> 2) Thou shalt argue endlessly about the merits of different dive
IW> schools for
IW> that wastes time and achieves nothing.
IW>
IW> 3) Thou shalt exhibit no sense of humour, for that can lead only to
IW> enjoying
IW> diving and diving is a Serious Thing.
IW>
IW> 4) Thou shalt consider 40m to be the bottom of the ocean, any who say
IW> the ocean extends below it are heretics and shall be fed to the sharks.
IW>
IW> 5) Thou shalt feel obliged to render an opinion on Absolutely
IW> Everything, even when you don't have one.
IW>
IW> 6) Thou shalt consider dive computers to be the One True Way and not
IW> use Tables as they require thinking and are thusly uncool.
IW>
IW> 7) Thou shalt have colour-coordinated dive gear and look
IW> disapprovingly upon
IW> those who don't for they will not be pleasing to the fish.
IW>
IW> 8) Thou shalt chastise and vilify those who drink and smoke and dive,
IW> despite the fact that they've been doing it for 30 years and are
IW> perfectly happy.
IW>
IW> 9) An individual cannot be trusted to take responsibility for their
IW> own actions and must be told What To Do, especially by divers who are
IW> less experienced and still follow their instructors around like lost
IW> guppies.
IW> 10) Thou shalt chastise and vilify those who Dive Alone, for they mus
IW> be Wrong
IW> because someone once said so.
IW>
Absolutely perfect!!!
==================================================================
From: gcham...@bt-sys.bt.co.uk (Giles Chamberlin)
Subject: Re: sitting in seiza ??
Date: 23 Jan 1995 16:27:53 GMT
I used to think I was pretty good at sitting in seiza. One of our
instructors used to start the class with a simple wrist release from
seiza. Every week. For thirty or forty minutes. On a pine floor.
Then I went to a moon watching ceremony near Kyoto. Sitting outside on
stone slabs for about an hour. As one of the few gaijin (foreigners)
there I was not going to give in! It was fine when everything went dead,
but then it was time to get up. What made it worse was the two sprightly
70 year old nuns behind me getting up without any fuss!
The headmaster at the local Japanese boarding school came across 3 kids
fooling around after lights out. He duly marched them off to the school
hall/temple, sat them in seiza and sat facing them. Time passed.
Eventually, punishment over he dismissed them. They rolled on to their
backs moaning at their ankles and eventually limped off, the headmaster
still sternly watching. As soon as they were out of the door, he rolled
over and wimpered at the state of his ankles! He told us this story with
an impish grin after a particularly long siza session.
Moral: no one's immune - gambatta kudasai as the nuns said (roughly
translated - good luck/ go for it!)
==================================================================
From: wra...@ee.duke.edu (William T. Rankin)
Subject: Re: Someone is on my wavelength (NOT!)
Date: 30 Jan 1995 20:24:41 GMT
We staunch traditionalists know that appearence is everything.
Technique is nowhere near as important as having your pleats straight
when you die
- Steve Gombosi
===============================================================================
Article: 79287 of rec.martial-arts
Path: crchh327.bnr.ca!corpgate!bcarh189.bnr.ca!nott!torn!howland.reston.ans.net!news2.near.net!das-news2.harvard.edu!casaba.srv.cs.cmu.edu!rochester!udel!ssnet.com!ssnet.com!not-for-mail
From: wei...@marlin.ssnet.com (Steve Weigand)
Newsgroups: rec.martial-arts
Subject: Boot to the head!
Date: 16 Feb 1995 04:18:29 -0500
Organization: SSNet, Inc. Public Internet Access in DE (302) 378-1386
Lines: 172
Message-ID: <3hv595$p...@marlin.ssnet.com>
Reply-To: wei...@udel.edu
NNTP-Posting-Host: marlin.ssnet.com
Posted for comic relief!
- Steve Weigand
(wei...@udel.edu)
==========================================================================
BOOT TO THE HEAD
performed by the Frantics
PART I : THE LESSON
MASTER: Approach student, close the circle at the feet of the master. You
have come to me asking that I be your guide along the path of Tae Kwon
Leap. But, be warned: To learn its ways, you must learn the ways of your
own soul. Let us meditate on this wisdom now. So: Ohhhhmmmmm...
STUDENT1 (Ed Gruberman): Uh, sir! Sir! (Oo!, Oo!) Sir!
MASTER: Who disturbs our meditation, as a pebble disturbs the stillness of
the pond?
EG: Me! Ed Gruberman!
MASTER: E-Ed Gruberman.
EG: Yeah, uh, no disrespect or nuthin', but, uh, how long is this gonna take?
MASTER: Tae Kwon Leap is not a path to a door, but a road leading
forever towards the horizon.
EG: So like, what, an hour or so?
MASTER: No, no, we have not even begun upon the path. Ed Gruberman, you
must learn patience.
EG: Yeah yeah yeah, patience. How long will that take?
MASTER: Time has no meaning. To a true student, a year is as a day.
EG: A YEAR??? I wanna beat people up right now! I got the pajamas! Yah
yah yah hwoom!
MASTER: 'Beat people up'...
EG: Yeah! Just show me all those nifty moves so I can start trashing
bozos! That's all I came here for! YO ASTA STA STA!!! Pretty good, ey?
MASTER: The only use of Tae Kwon Leap is self-defense. Do you know who
said that? Ki Lo Ni, the great teacher.
EG: Yeah? Well the best defense is a good offense, you know who said
that? Mel, the cook on 'Alice'.
MASTER: Tae Kwon Leap is the wine of purity, not the vinegar of
hostility. Meditate upon this truth with us. Ohmmmmmm.....
EG: Listen, shrimp! Now are you gonna show me some fancy moves, or am I
gonna start wipin' the walls with you?
MASTER: Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Tae Kwon Leap. Approach me that
you might see.
EG: All right! Finally some action!
MASTER: Observe closely, class. Boot to the Head! (SH-ZOOMP!)
EG (drunkenly): Owww! You booted me in the head!
MASTER: You are lucky, Ed Gruberman. Few novices experience so much of
Tae Kwon Leap so soon.
EG (quietly, to himself): Ow, oh, my head!
MASTER: Now we continue. Ohhhmmmmm...
EG: Hey! I wasn't ready! Come and get me now shorty, hah? Come on, are
ya chicken?
MASTER: Boot to the head! (SH-ZOOMP!)
EG (again, drunkenly): Oww! Okay, now I'm ready, okay, now, come on, try it
now.
MASTER: Boot to the head! (SH-ZOOMP!)
EG: Mind if I just lie down here for a minute?
MASTER: Now class, we shall return to our..
STUDENT2: Master?
MASTER: It is wrong to tip the vessel of knowledge, student.
STUDENT2: Many apologies, master. But I feel Ed Gruberman is not wholly wrong.
MASTER: What do you mean?
STUDENT2: I want to boot some head, too.
MASTER: Have you learned nothing from the lesson of Ed Gruberman?
STUDENT2: Yes, master. I have learned two things. First, that anger
is a weapon only to one's opponent.
MASTER: Very good.
STUDENT2: And secondly, get in the first shot. Boot to the head. (SH-ZOOMP!)
MASTER: You missed.
STUDENT2: Yeah. Well...
MASTER: You too shall be honored to learn a lesson...
STUDENT2: You don't have to, you know. I gotta be going...
MASTER: Boot to the head! (SH-ZOOMP!)
STUDENT2 (agonizing pain): Oyyy oy oyyyy.... Oh....
MASTER: Can anyone tell us what lesson has been learned here?
STUDENT3: Yes, master. Not a single one of us could defeat you.
MASTER: You gain wisdom, child.
STUDENT3: So we'll hafta gang up on ya! Get 'im guys!
(Master throws many Boot-to-the-head's and SH-ZOOMP's, and people are groaning
in pain)
MASTER: And now class, let us rejoin the mind to the body and gaze into
the heart of the candle of meditation.
UNISON: Ohhhmmmm....
MASTER: Very good, class.
PART II : THE SONG
Yi yi yai yi....
People talking in movie shows,
People smoking in bed!
People voting Republican,
Give them a boot to the head!
Boot to the Head! Yah, yah...
Boot to the Head! Yah, yah...
Boot to the Head! Yah, yah...
Boot to the Head! Yah yah yah.. yah. yah yah yah...
Mechanics who can't fix a car,
Politicians who can't think!
The salesman who won't leave me alone,
The waiter who forgot my drink!
(Refrain)
Boot to the head! Yah, yah..
Boot to the head! Yah, yah..
Boot to the head! Yah, yah..
BOOT TO THE HEAD!!
Article: 87584 of rec.martial-arts
Newsgroups: rec.martial-arts
Path: crchh327.bnr.ca!corpgate!bcarh189.bnr.ca!nott!dgbt!netfs.dnd.ca!ub!dsinc!newsfeed.pitt.edu!godot.cc.duq.edu!news.duke.edu!hookup!uwm.edu!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!ix.netcom.com!netcom.com!dlw
From: d...@netcom.com (David L. Williams)
Subject: Re: Royce's Black Belt article on Emin Boztepe
Message-ID: <dlwD6D...@netcom.com>
Organization: NETCOM On-line Communication Services (408 261-4700 guest)
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL1]
References: <3lfmfg$m...@mars.earthlink.net>
Date: Sun, 2 Apr 1995 02:30:57 GMT
Lines: 34
Sender: d...@netcom20.netcom.com
Michael Dash (das...@earthlink.net) wrote:
: The following is a draft of an article that Royce Gracie is going to
: have in the next issue of Black belt magazine. It addresses his
: feelings towards Emin Boztepe :) Score one for Royce!
Emin counters Mike Dashs post with an appearance at the Oscars, and
a photograph of himself with his date Jacequeline Bisset in People
magazine.
Royce appears in the UFC an event watched by a million+ people.
Emin appears at the Oscars an event watched by a billion people.
Royce appears in Black Belt magazine.
Emin appears in People magazine.
Its Emin 2-0 over Royce!
Hee Hee!
Mike Dash CRUSHED by this turn of events, renounces GJJ, quitting his
job as internet PR man for Gracie Ju-Jitsu(TM) and becomes.........
Michelle MOUSE Krasnoo's press agent!
Eugene Lin, furious, announces a public no-rules "groundfighting"
challenge to MOUSE at the Madonna Inn in California!
Pandemonium reigns!
Oh the humanity...
Article: 88618 of rec.martial-arts
Newsgroups: rec.martial-arts
Path: crchh327.bnr.ca!corpgate!bcarh189.bnr.ca!nott!cunews!freenet.carleton.ca!FreeNet.Carleton.CA!ay855
From: ay...@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Frank James)
Subject: Re: re:my favorite threat
Message-ID: <D6Mvt...@freenet.carleton.ca>
Sender: ay...@freenet2.carleton.ca (Frank James)
Reply-To: ay...@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Frank James)
Organization: The National Capital FreeNet
References: <3m1eg5$8...@src-news.pa.dec.com> <fergal.17...@niagara.com>
Date: Thu, 6 Apr 1995 22:00:38 GMT
Lines: 37
In a previous posting, Dean Reimer (rei...@src.dec.com) writes:
> I'll slap you into next Tuesday! :-)
My favorites include :
-"I'd hate to be YOU if I was ME !"
-"You're gonna look pretty funny picking up your teeth with two broken arms"
-"If I was half your size I'd be twice as tough as you"
-"I'll kick ya in the balls so f$#*ing hard-people think you be eating grapes"
When someone says "Got a problem buddy ?"
-"Ya, I'm late for a rendez-vous with your mother"
or simply
-"Not much of one..."
I've seen all these used for comedic value, but the talk never wins a fight.
Frank
--
Frank James
ay...@freenet.carleton.ca
Article: 98231 of rec.martial-arts
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From: Shane <spa...@zookeeper.zoo.uga.edu>
Newsgroups: rec.martial-arts
Subject: Re: ARYAN ARTS
Date: Thu, 25 May 1995 16:15:22 -0400 (EDT)
Organization: University of Georgia, Athens
Lines: 22
Message-ID: <Pine.SUN.3.90.950525...@zookeeper.zoo.uga.edu>
NNTP-Posting-Host: zookeeper.zoo.uga.edu
Mime-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII
In-Reply-To: <1995052520...@sirius.cs.pdx.edu>
On Thu, 25 May 1995, Todd D. Ellner wrote:
> In article <Pine.SUN.3.90.950525...@zookeeper.zoo.uga.edu> you write:
> >Hitler was really hooked on the Nordic ideal...blond hair, blue
> >eyes...kind of funny for a "Master Race" to be led by such physical
> >wrecks (won't even discuss the mental side) as Hitler, Goering,
> >Himmler, Goebbels, etc...
> Remember,
>
> The ideal Aryan is
>
> As blond as Hitler
>
> As slim as Goering
>
> As tall as Goebbels
>
> Todd
Thanks, Todd...that was the saying I was trying and failing to remember.
Shane
THE LIGHTER SIDE
TOP TEN SIGNS THAT YOUR A MIDDLE-AGED MARTIAL ARTIST
by Kevin Quinley
(resident geezer in his TaeKwonDo Dojang in Fairfax, Va.
10: You savor the flavor of Nuprin.
9: You Kia and your dentures hit the person in front of you in class.
8: Your training partner begins each move with the statement, "I really
don't want to hurt you..."
7: You mail-order the prune scented Dit Dat Jow.
6: You ask Sensei about the use of a walker in Kuboda training.
5: Like a toothache, it feels so good when you stop!
4: You discover that sweat really is the fountain of youth.
3: You tire of swapping lies about golf and instead enjoy discussing
your favorite kata
2: You rent a forklift to help you out of your easy chair.
and, the number 1 reason
Your family nickname is "Rice Crispy," because when you get out of bed
in the morning, there's a deafening sound of snap, crackle and pop!
====================================================================
From: rad...@bushido.cray.com ()
Subject: Re: old satirical kyudo post request
Lines: 125
Date: 26 May 95 11:04:53 CDT
From the sadly missed "Col. Sicherman", both a "Kyudo" and a "Gun Fu"
workshop announcement....
>From: g...@odyssey.att.com (Col. G. L. Sicherman)
Subject: Special Announcement
Organization: Save the Dodoes Foundation
* * * SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT * * *
* * * ONE-DAY WORKSHOP IN * * *
* * * K Y U D O * * *
On September 31 the Col. Sicherman School of Martial Arts & Crafts
(formerly Sicherman's Pool Hall) will present a one-time workshop
and demonstration of KYUDO, the Japanese art of defending yourself
with a billiard cue.
Techniques to be taught include:
kyubonku - the attack to the crown of the head;
kyuwakku - the attack to the side of the head;
kyupoku - the attack to the eye;
kyupikku - the attack to the nostril;
kyugusu - the attack between the legs;
karomu - the ricochet attack off the side wall of the dojo.
Also how to make a bridge, apply poisoned billiard chalk, and keep score.
Following the workshop, Col. Sicherman will demonstrate how to balance a
billiard cue on your nose. Do not believe any rumors you may hear that
he uses stickum! Remember, KYUDO masters are subtle and quick to anger.
You can pay now or at the door.
-:-
Col. G. L. Sicherman
g...@odyssey.att.COM
------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: g...@hrmso.ATT.COM (Col. Sicherman)
Subject: Special Announcement
Date: 31 Jul 91 18:11:43 GMT
Sender: g...@cbnewsh.cb.att.com (Col. G. L. Sicherman)
Organization: Save the Dodoes Foundation
The Col. Sicherman School of Pocket Billiards
and Martial Arts Proudly Announces
a NEW Workshop Series:
==============
G U N F U
==============
Taught by Ultimate Supreme Large Bore Gun Master
COLONEL SICHERMAN
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
WORKSHOP 1 (4 days): DISCIPLINE OF GUN FU
You will learn how to
-- effectively conceal a gun in your street clothes
-- effectively conceal a gun in your nightclothes
-- distinguish new bullets from used bullets
-- distinguish good guys from bad guys
-- employ superior strategy at Russian Roulette (NOTE:
in this session we use ONLY rubber bullets.)
WORKSHOP 2 (3 days): GUN FU SCHOOL OF WEAPONRY
You will learn how to
-- wave a gun at an attacker
-- throw a gun at an attacker
-- throw a gun so it comes back to you
-- balance a gun on your nose
WORKSHOP 3 (3 days): WHOLE-BODY GUN FU
You will learn how to
-- shoot a gun off with your elbow
-- shoot a gun off with your mouth
-- shoot a gun off with your foot
-- shoot your foot off with a gun
WORKSHOP 4 (2 days): GUN FU PERFORMANCE ART
You will learn how to
-- shoot in time to music
-- decorate walls with bullet holes
-- dance while somebody shoots at your feet
All workshops will be conducted under the PERSONAL supervision of Colonel
Sicherman, except when he goes to the bathroom. Register now! The first
15 entrants will receive a FREE heirloom oriental Gun Rack made of durable
styrofoam. All major cards accepted, including Midnight Express, Liar's
Club, and Get Out of Jail Free.
--
Col. G. L. Sicherman
g...@hrmso.att.COM
========================================================================
From: hart...@ac.dal.ca (Sean Hartigan)
Subject: The most unbeatablest art of ALL!
Date: 27 Jun 95 04:55:07 -0300
Lines: 130
Having made the mistake of subscribing to a MA rag in my youth,
I still, years later, receive assorted tidbits in the mail. Many of
us here on r.m-a still fry in the raging fires of our lust for the
ultimate in martial perfection, it seems, and so I thought I'd post
this latest gem for any interested parties.
------ GRUNGIE WINGJITSU (tm) ------
------ TWO GREAT ARTS THAT TASTE GREAT TOGETHER ------
Joe was just an ordinary karate student. Maybe just like you.
His sensei told him that his karate skills would make him safe
on the street.
Joe found out the truth one Saturday night.
It was at a local bar. Joe and some of his karate friends were
having a couple of drinks after class. "Harvey Makiwara-bangers,"
but not enough to make them tipsy. They were good students.
But not good enough.
A stranger entered the bar. Silence fell. A group of steroid-using,
PCP-abusing, face-contusin' Middle-Aged Mutant Biker Bruisers
got up from their game of "Old Maid" and approached the stranger.
The air was thick with menace.
"Back off! I know Wing Chun!" hissed the stranger. The Bikers were
unimpressed. As one, they whipped out their chainsaws.
"Yew wuz doin' `sticky hands' with mah sister," snarled the
Biker Boss. "I'm a-gonna moiderize yah!"
Disaster seemed imminent. But suddenly, another stranger stood up. Joe
watched in awe as the second stranger strode across the silent bar-room
and faced the Wing Chun man.
"Run along, son," he smiled. "I'll handle these geeks."
Joe and his friends glanced at each other. The man's overpowering
aura of Latin American _machismo_ could only mean one thing. He was
a student of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Possibly even... GJJ (tm).
"Hey, I was here first," said the WC man. "Find your own
horde of enraged homicidal maniacs."
"Don't make me laugh," smirked the GJJ (tm) man.
"Look, I'm serious. Buzz off!"
"Are you gonna make me??"
"Clown!"
"Bozo!"
Bellowing like wounded wildebeest, the two strangers launched themselves
at each other! The action was too fast for mortal eye to follow,
but an instant later, the two men lay motionless on the floor!
After a long moment, they sat up, rubbing their heads. Joe leaned forward
breathlessly, straining to catch their next, history-making words.
"Hey," the WC man whined, "You got Gracie JiuJitsu (tm) in my Wing Chun!"
"And you got Wing Chun in my Gracie JiuJitsu! (tm)"
"Wait!" they cried in unison. "This is GREAT!"
With a joyful laugh, they sprang to their feet! The Biker Boss and
his gang powered up their chainsaws, and the battle was joined!
The mayhem began. Joe and his friends watched in sheer awe as the Bikers
fell, one by one, like the hopes for the human race of a rec.martial-arts
reader without a kill-file.
As the last Biker exploded into micro-particles from a combination
chain-punch to the breadbasket/ "Americana" arm-bar, Joe leapt forward
to throw himself at the strangers' feet.
"Teach me!" he cried. "Let me lick the dust off your dojo, er,
academy/kwoon floor!"
"Do you repent your evil karate-studying ways, you grovelling worm?"
"Oh, yes, yes, YES!"
"Us, too!" cried Joe's friends, prostrating themselves alongside him.
"Very well!" said the new founders of the Mightiest Art Known
to Man or Woman. "You shall be our first students. We shall build
us an academy/kwoon, and verily, it shall be good!"
"Yes, masters!"
"And we shall people it with many people of divers styles, and they
shall become the butt-kicking-est bunch of badasses on two feet!"
"Yes, masters!"
"And it shall have a new name, for it hath come from two arts, and
from these two arts shall it take its name!"
"Yes, masters!"
"And it because it hath come from Wing Chun, and it hath come from
Gracie JiuJitsu (tm), it shall be be known as ...
.... GRUNGIE WINGJITSU! (tm)"
Now YOU TOO can learn the ass-kicking ways of GRUNGIE WINGJITSU (tm)!
You thought Wing Chun and GJJ (tm) were unbeatable...well, they are!
But GRUNGIE WINGJITSU is even MORE unbeatable! It's so unbeatable,
well, well...it's so unbeatable, it beggars description! So
send TODAY for your first 17 videotapes: "Introduction to GRUNGIE
WINGJITSU," for the low, low price of $2,499.00, plus shipping
and handling....
-------------------------------------------------------------------
The rest is just more promotional stuff and merchandising.
Grungie WingJitsu lunchboxes, action figures, etc. plus a
few training aids like the GWJ Official Blow-Up Dummy, stuff like
that. If you're interested, post here and I'll post the
address. Don't e-mail me... um, my account will be broken or
something. :)
-- Sean H.
===============================================================
--
Brad Webb, reply to:erw...@rwasic33.aud.alcatel.com (mine bounces)
Japan Shotokan Dallas,TX. Nortel, Inc. (214)684-1737
(214) 231-4922 My opinions != NT opinions
Seek perfection of character.
Brad Webb
collected over the last several years... again I have tried
to keep the original poster and thought behind it.
PS. I know that there will be some repeats, sigh.
=============BEGIN UPLINK===========================================
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
--Johann W. Von Goethe--
--------------------------------------------------------------
One day it was announced by Master Joshu that the young monk Kyogen had
reached an enlightened state. Much impressed by this news, several of his
peers went to speak to him.
"We have heard that you are enlightened. Is this true?" his fellow
students inquired.
"It is," Kyogen answered.
"Tell us," said a friend, "how do you feel?"
"As miserable as ever," replied the enlightened Kyogen.
--ANONYMOUS--
-----------------------------------------------------------
Show me a man of violence that came to a good end,
and I will take him for my teacher.
--Lao tzu--
-----------------------------------------------------------
The enemy is fear.
We think it is hate;
but, it is fear.
--Gandhi--
----------------------------------------------------------
If I am not for myself,
Then who can be for me?
But if I am only for myself,
Then what am I?
--Hillel--
-------------------------------------------------------
Two monks on pilgrimage came to a river which they must ford. There
they saw a girl, dressed in all her finery. She was apparently at a loss
as to how to cross the river, as it was high and she did not want her
clothes ruined. One of the monks took her on his back, carried her across
and set her on dry ground. As the monks continued on their way, the
second monk began to complain.
"Surely," he said, "it is not right to touch a woman; it is against
the commandements to have close contact with women. How can you act
contrary to the rules for monks?"
The first monk simply walked on in silence for awhile. Then he
remarked quietly, "I set her down by the river. But you are still
carrying her."
--Quoted from _The Making of a Martial Artist_ by Sang Kyu Shim--
------------------------------------------------------------------
People say that what we're all seeking is a meaning for life. I don't think
that's what we're really seeking. I think that what we're seeking is an
experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely
physical plane will have resonances within our own innermost being and
reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.
-- Joseph Campbell from The Power of Myth
-------------------------------------------------------
Softness triumphs over hardness,
feebleness over strength. What is more
malleable is always superior over that which is
immoveable. This is the principle of
controlling things by going along with them,
of mastery through adaptation.
--Lao tzu--
-----------------------------------------------------------
You and your opponent are one.
There is a coexisting relationship between
you. You coexist with your opponent
and become his complement, absorbing his attack
and using his force to overcome him.
--Bruce Lee--
-----------------------------------------------------------
1. A person's heart is the same as heaven and earth.
2. The blood circulating is similar to the Sun and the Moon.
3. A manner of spitting and drinking is either hard or soft.
*4. A person's Unbalance is the same as Weight.
5. The time to strike is when opportunity presents.
6. The body should be able to change directions at any time.
7. The eye must see all sides.
8. The ear must listen in all directions.
--Isshinryu code.
Note: order may be wrong, but it's all here.
----------------------------------------------------------
Prince Hui's cook was cutting up a bullock. Every blow of his hand,
every heave of his shoulders, every tread of his foot, every thrust of his
knee, every _whshh_ of rent flesh, every _chhk_ of the chopper, was in
perfect harmony--rhythmical like a dance of the Mulberry Grove,
simultaneous like the chords of the Ching Sou.
"Well done!" cried the Prince, "Yours is skill indeed."
"Sire," replied the cook, "I have always devoted myself to Tao. It
is better than skill. When I first began to cut up bullocks, I saw before
me simply whole bullocks. After three years' practice, I saw no more whole
animals. And now I work with my mind and not with my eye. When my senses
bid me stop but my mind urges me on, I fall back upon eternal principles.
I follow such openings or cavities as there may be according to the
natural constitution of the animal. I do not attempt to cut through
joints, still less through large bones.
"A good cook changes his chopper once a year--because he cuts. An
ordinary cook, once a month--because he hacks. But I have had this
chopper nineteen years, and although I have cut up many thousand
bullocks, its edge is as if fresh from the whetstone. For at the joints
there are always interstices, and the edge of the chopper being without
thickness, it remains only to insert that which is without thickness into
such an interstice. By these means the interstice will be enlarged, and
the blade will find plenty of room. It is thus that I have kept my chopper
for nineteen years as though fresh from the whetstone.
"Nevertheless, when I come upon a hard part where the blade meets
with a difficulty, I am all caution. I fix my eye on it. I stay my hand,
and gently apply my blade, until with a _hwah_ the part yields like
earth crumbling to ground. Then I take out my chopper, and stand up, and
look around, and pause, until with an air of triumph I wipe my chopper
and put it carefully away."
"Bravo!" cried the Prince. "From the words of this cook I have
learned how to take care of my life."
--Lao tzu--
----------------------------------------------------
My dreams are worthless,
my plans are dust,
my goals are impossible:
all are of no value
unless they are followed by action.
--O.G. Mandino--
-----------------------------------------------
Tao abides in non-action,
Yet nothing is left undone.
If kinds and lords observed this,
The ten thousand things would develop naturally.
If they still desired to act,
They would return to the simplicity of formless substance.
Without form there is no desire.
Without desire there is tranquillity.
And in this way all things would be at peace.
Lao Tsu (Tao Te Ching, 37, trans. Gia-Fu Feng and Jane English)
---------------------------------------------------------
Lord, give me the serenity to accept the
things I cannot change, the courage to
change the things I can, and the wisdom
to know the difference.
--Old Irish Saying--
Lord, give me the serenity to accept the
things I cannot change, the courage to
change the things I can, and the ammunition
to make the difference.
-- A favorite variation --
--------------------------------------------------------
No wind blows in favor of the ship
that has no port of destination.
--Montaigne--
------------------------------------------------------
Mind and body are but two aspects of the one reality: energy. One
informs the other. The "informing" is found in the combined exercise of
meditation flowing into concentration flowing into focus. This is the
martial arts' _ch'i_
--Sang Kyu Shim--
----------------------------------------------------
If you don't care where you are,
You can't get lost.
--------------------------------------------------------------
The truth in combat is different for each individual
1. Research your own experiences for the truth
2. Absorb what is useful
3. Reject what is useless
4. Add specifically what is your own
--Bruce Lee--
------------------------------------------------------------
"If you don't know where you're going, any road will do."
- Chinese proverb
"Oh, we know where we're going, but we've don't know where we've been."
- Talking Heads
Wherever you go, there you are.
-Buckaroo Banzai
If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research!
-Bumper sticker in lab
------------------------------------------------------------
This reminded me of a saying:
"Know the enemy and know yourself; in a hundred battles you will never be in peril.
When you are ignorate of the enemy but know yourself, your chances of winning or loosing are equal.
If ignorant both of your enemy and of yourself, you are certain in every battle to be in peril."
------------------------------------------------------------
It is wisdom to know others;
It is enlightenment to know one's self.
The conqueror of men is powerful;
the master of himself is strong.
--Tao Te Ching--
-------------------------------------------------------------
Know yourself and know your enemy
and you will always be victorious.
-Sun Tsu
--------------------------------------------------------------
When people want me to play zen master, the one I usually use is :
A belief is ONLY a belief.
Bill Knittle (Ven. An Tzu)
-------------------------------------------------------------
"Some people are extremely dangerous even
when they are armed with a spoon, others
aren't capable of doing much damage even
if they've got two baseball bats in their
backpockets." --du...@losers.hacktic.nl
------------------------------------------------------------
Know then thyself; presume not God to scan.
The proper study of mankind is man.
--Alexander Pope--
--------------------------------------------------------
.. begin at the beginning ....
--the Red Queen said to Alice, _Alice in Wonderland_--
Wasn't it from the old king?
"Begin at the beginning. Then go on until you reach the end.
Then stop."
--------------------------------------------------------
this reminds me of a scroll that hangs in our dojo:
Do not covet illustrious titles and certificates; practice your
technique and adhere to the Way, for the wind will not read.
--F. L. Lovret
--------------------------------------------------------------
Me:
Terry "Anyone wanna see my koan collection?" Chan
"I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
So I took his shoes."
-- Dave Barry
Who am I to argue with Sifu Dave?
--------------------------------------------------------------
No matter what a man's frailties may be, if he is willing to risk death, and
still more if he suffer it heroically in the service he has chosen, the fact
consecrates him forever. Inferior to ourselves in this or that way, if yet
we cling to life and he is able to 'fling it away like a flower,' as caring
nothing for it, we account him in the deepest way our born superior.
--William James--
-------------------------------------------------------------
That which does not destroy us,
makes us stronger.
--Nietzsche--
That which does not kill us, leaves lots of scar tissue.
-- Somebody or other
That which does not kill us, sets up a counterpunch.
-----------------------------------------------------
Powerful men are well advised not to use violence,
For violence has a habit of returning;
Thorns and weeds grow wherever an army goes,
And lean years follow a great war.
-- Lao-tzu --
------------------------------------------------------
"The difference between a
successful person and others
is not a lack of strength,
not a lack of knowledge,
but rather in a lack of will."
Vincent T. Lombardi
---------------------------------------------------------
************************************************************************
Use anger to throw them into disarray.
--Sun Tzu--
Use disarray to throw them into anger
--Reg Foulkes--
-----------------------------------------------
Use humility to make them haughty.
--Sun Tzu--
Be supercilious to make them weak with humility.
--Reg Foulkes--
----------------------------------------------------------
Tire them by flight.
--Sun Tzu--
Let them tire themselves out by flight.
--Reg Foulkes--
---------------------------------------------------------
David White Talk is cheap, pain says so much more..............
d...@sei.cmu.edu ---Old bugei proverb
---------------------------------------------------------
Comparing candy to fish to karate....
If you give a child a piece of candy they will ask you for another
piece.
Sensei will *give* you the first fish,
but if you ask for more,
he'll give you a fishing pole.
-----------------------------------------------
"You Americans are a funny people... Either you act without thought
of consequences or you remain paralyzed with fear of them." -- Karl Kaufeld
"Those who fear change are controlled by it. Those who resist change
are destroyed by it. Those who embrace change are enriched by it.
Those who engineer change are enlightened by it." -- Karl Evander Kaufeld
=========================================================
From: bert...@db.erau.edu (Casca)
Date: 11 Nov 1993 13:58:40 -0500
"No one holds command over me. No man. No god. No Prince. What is a claim of
age for ones who are immortal? What is a claim of power for ones who defy death?
Call your damnable hunt. We shall see who I drag screaming to hell with me."
-- Gunter Dorn, DAS UNGEHEUER DARIN
********************************************************************************
========================================================
From: tper...@Mr-Hyde.aoc.nrao.edu (Adept Array Op)
Date: Mon, 15 Nov 93 22:08:17 GMT
"Tribbles are the only love money can buy." Uhuru
"Da - the rest you rent by the hour..." Chekov
===============================================================================
From: fli...@novalink.com (Flint D McGlaughlin)
Date: Wed, 8 Dec 93 20:13:10 EST
"Strategy is better than skill."
Flint McGlaughlin
Chief Instructor Strategic Combat Systems
===============================================================
Hit something hard with something soft,
Hit something soft with something hard.
Brian Fitzgerald, Pacific Judo Academy, 1982
================================================================
Life is a stool with three legs: Home; Work; Health.
The loss of any one leg drastically effects the stability of the
stool and the other legs.
Michael Werner, circa 1978
=========================================================
... Troubleshooting shortcut #1: Shoot the trouble.
===================================================================
... Vulcan logic, Ferengi greed, Klingon honor...Humans have it all.
===================================================================
From: dea...@wyvern.wyvern.com (Owen (Doug) Holland)
Date: Sun, 2 Jan 1994 04:22:11 GMT
Some are born to greatness, the rest of us have to bust our chops to get
there!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
From: ja...@skyler.arc.ab.ca (Greg James)
Date: Tue, 4 Jan 1994 20:45:31 GMT
"Morals just ruin your weekend."
==================================================================
From: sl...@cec2.wustl.edu (Sandra L. Licklider)
Date: 3 Jan 1994 19:21:30 GMT
"What I love most about deadlines is the whooshing sound
they make as they go by." Douglas Adams
===============================================================
Darren Stone __/\
Vancouver, B.C. It may be that your sole purpose in life _o / \ \_
is to serve as a warning to others. __O>O__/ \
===============================================================
The last and holiest of commandments ...
It should be Interesting, Informative, and FUN!
===============================================================
This is the product of a mind that was not only twisted,
but actually sprained. Douglas Adams.
==============================================================
A rose by any other name would likely be:
"A Deadly thorn bearing Assault Vegitation"!
==============================================================
Never feed your cat anything that does not match the carpet.
==============================================================
An Armed society is a polite society.
==============================================================
Will you be roadkill on the Information Superhighway???
==============================================================
* "A government that is big enough to give you all
* you want is big enough to take it all away."
* - Barry Goldwater -
============================================================
"Wars do not make one great." - Yoda
===========================================================
"Those who win one hundred triumphs in one hundred conflicts
Do not have supreme skill.
Those who have supreme skill,
Use strategy to bend others without coming to conflict." - Sun Tzu
===========================================================
"In true budo there is no enemy or opponent. True budo is to
become one with the universe, not train to become powerful or to
throw down some opponent. Rather we train in hopes of being
of some use, however small our role may be, in the task of
bringing peace to mankind around the world." - Morihei Ueshiba
============================================================
"Many people wish to achieve immortality
through their works or descendants. I
prefer to achieve immortality by not dying."
============================================================
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Rules of Fighting:
1. No Be There.
2. Be a Truck.
================================================================
It is not the critic who counts,...the credit belongs to the man who is
actually in the arena...and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, if he
wins, knows the triumph of high achievements; and who, if he fails, at
least fails while daring greatly.... T.Roosevelt
===================================================================
history is made at night ...
character is what you are in the dark...
==================================================================
some people are dangerous dudes when cornered...
they go to pieces so fast others are hit by the schrapnel...
=================================================================
ALL the people I know do what they do for EXACTLY the same reasons...
"IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME."
================================================================
You can't legislate morality or intelligence!
Corrollary: You can,however, shoot the stupid!!!
===============================================================
From: que...@u.washington.edu (J. Travis Lauricella)
Date: 17 Apr 1994 21:47:11 GMT
"When judges twist the meaning of
words, [the public] loses faith in
the judicial system."
-Thomas v. Depaoli,
778 S.W.2d 745, 751
==============================================================
From: mck...@server.uwindsor.ca (McKay, Terrence Shawn)
Date: Thu, 28 Apr 1994 22:44:12 GMT
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Time is the greatest of teachers, unfortunately, it is in the habit of
killing all of it's students." - Unknown
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
================================================================
From: apmi...@quads.uchicago.edu (Adam Michaud)
Date: Mon, 9 May 1994 18:43:18 GMT
"In times of peace, a warlike man fights
himself." -- source unknown
==================================================================
--
Michael Cornelius | Heedless of a person's intentions, the mouth acts
| like a tiger which bites the speaker's own body and
m...@csealumni.unl.edu | the tongue turns into a sword which cuts short its
mic...@dsndata.uucp | owner's life. -- Ihara Saikaku
====================================================================
Fortunately:
a fool and his open mouth are soon shut. Permanently.
====================================================================
From: w...@po.CWRU.Edu (W.charles Simciak)
Subject: Re: You know the duel is gonna suck when
Date: 21 Jul 1994 15:29:45 GMT
Chuck Simciak !"Live steady. Don't fuck around. Give anything weird
w...@po.cwru.edu ! a wide berth - including people. It's not worth it.
sim...@ccsmtp.ccf.org! I learned this the hard way, through brutal
WRUW 91.1 FM Cleveland! overindulgence." - Hunter S. Thompson
====================================================================
From: mcke...@netcom.com (Weasel Boy)
Subject: Jyhad...
Date: Thu, 21 Jul 1994 16:57:12 GMT
"Potence : Thrown Car -- 'The car could stop on a dime. Unfortunately,
the dime was in Mr. Lodin's pocket.' Or something like that. Please don't
sue me, WotC guys.
===============================================================
From: bri...@wpi.edu (Michael Scot Briggs)
Date: 5 Aug 1994 13:48:18 GMT
--
"We study the way to protect rather than destroy. Avoid rather
than check; check rather than hurt; hurt rather than maim; maim rather
than kill; for all life is precious, nor can any be replaced"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
| If you follow the pack, the view never changes. If you
Mike Briggs | follow the river, in time, all the splendor of the
bri...@wpi.wpi.edu | world will come to you. Which is much nicer than
| looking at the same old rear ends.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
====================================================================
From: TED.B...@spock.org (TED BRENGLE)
Subject: TNG Episode Review: IMHO - "Gambit, Part II"
Date: Mon, 08 Aug 1994 11:04:22 -0400
IMHO:"Gambit II" review
==========================================
madness takes it's toll, EXACT CHANGE PLEASE....
==========================================
DOING MY PART TO PISS OFF THE RELIGIOUS RIGHT!!!!
==========================================
DID SOMEONE PASS WIND OR IS THAT RUSH LIMBAUGH AGAIN...
==========================================
JUST BECAUSE NO-ONE UNDERSTANDS YOU DOESN'T MAKE YOU AN ARTIST.
==========================================
A FANATIC IS ONE WHO CAN'T CHANGE HER MIND,
AND WON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT.
Winston Churchill.
====================================================================
From: ste...@access4.digex.net (Steve Brinich)
Date: 2 Oct 1994 23:36:28 -0400
--
Steve Brinich <ste...@access.digex.net> | If the government wants us
GEnie: S.BRINICH1 CI$: 74157,2226 | to respect the law
PGPrint 89B992BBE67F7B2F64FDF2EA14374C65 | it should set a better example
====================================================================
From: pm...@bmerhbec.bnr.ca (Peter Macleod)
Date: 11 Oct 1994 13:18:18 GMT
------------------------------------------------------------------------
| Peter D. MacLeod | "Though the human tongue weighs
| Bell Northern Research | practically nothing, surprisingly
| Ottawa, Canada | few are able to hold it"
| | -stolen from unknown
------------------------------------------------------------------------
====================================================================
From: cor...@helium.gas.uug.arizona.edu (Jason D Corley)
Date: 30 Nov 1994 07:44:11 GMT
--
"Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations
and other organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot
actually masturbate."-------Dave Barry
Jason "cor...@gas.uug.arizona.edu" Corley is Wanted for Impersonating a Student
====================================================================
From: rte...@cup.hp.com (Ray Terry)
Date: Thu, 1 Dec 1994 20:08:34 GMT
The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be
properly armed.
--- Alexander Hamilton, The Federalist Papers at 184-188
That the said Constitution shall never be construed to authorize Congress to
infringe the just liberty of the press or the rights of conscience; or to
prevent the people of the United states who are peaceable citizens from
keeping their own arms...
--- Samuel Adams
No freeman shall ever be debarred the use of arms.
--- Thomas Jefferson, proposal Virginia Constitution, June 1776,
1 T. Jefferson Papers, 334
Ray
rte...@cup.hp.com
====================================================================
From: scum...@panix.com (Scuminus Dregg)
Date: 19 Jan 1995 23:38:05 -0500
"Don't answer the riddle; kill the sphinx."
"That which does not kill me had better be able to run away damn fast."
====================================================================
From: wra...@ee.duke.edu (William T. Rankin)
Date: 30 Jan 1995 20:24:41 GMT
We staunch traditionalists know that appearence is everything.
Technique is nowhere near as important as having your pleats straight
when you die
- Steve Gombosi
====================================================================
From: jwal...@clark.net (Jim Walters)
Newsgroups: rec.martial-arts
To help develop your center, to teach economy of motion, and because
Sensei will get really pissed if you refuse to do it...
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
% Jim Walters % Never argue with a fool, people may not be able %
% jwal...@clark.net % able to tell the difference. %
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
===================================================================
Newsgroups: rec.martial-arts
Subject: How Long To Black Belt?
From: mark.w...@wdn.com (Mark Wheeler)
Date: Wed, 1 Feb 95 05:33:00 -0500
* A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
===================================================================
From: ecl...@ultranet.com (Mark Urbin)
Newsgroups: rec.martial-arts
Subject: MA sig quotes
Date: Sun, 5 Feb 1995 22:44:32 LOCAL
Here is a list of MA releated signature quotes I have collected over the
years. Share and Enjoy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The FAQ that can be read is not the True FAQ
The answers that can be posted are not the True Answers.
The Superior Man hears not the whining of newbies
and is not singed by the flames of the Net.
Belts do not bind him, nor trophies burden him.
Discarding all, he gains all, and follows the Way.
Got any spare change, pal?
-- Lao-tzu, as paraphrased on rec.martial-arts
===================================================================
Aikido is not a defensive martial art. Being defensive is a terrible
way to go through life." -quote on a dojo wall. This means be proactive.
It does not mean hit first.
===================================================================
"An unwillingness to deal forcibly with violence does not equate to moral
rectitude." -- Mary Malmros
===================================================================
"If you meet the Buddha on the net, put him in your kill file"
-- Robert Firth
===================================================================
"It should be easy to spot a black belt in a crowd, s/he should walk like a
Marine on roller skates" - Fredrick Lovret
===================================================================
"The people of the various provinces are strictly forbidden to have in their
possession any swords, bows, spears, firearms, or other types of arms. The
possession of these elements make difficult the collection of taxes and dues,
and tends to permit uprising. Therefore, the heads of provinces, official
agents, and deputies are ordered to collect all the weapons mentioned above
and turn them over to the government."
Toyotomi Hideyoshi, Shogun
29 August 1558
===================================================================
"Traditionalists often study what is taught, not what there is to create."
- Ed Parker, Grandmaster, American Kenpo.
===================================================================
"If you don't realize you can kill someone with a bokken, I don't want
you using one in *MY* dojo..." - Frederick J. Lovret
===================================================================
"The fastest draw is when the sword never leaves the scabbard,
The strongest way to block, is never to provoke a blow,
And the cleanest cut is the one withheld."
===================================================================
"Oh My God, He's got a cane!"
-radio statement of two police officers assaulting a blind man. They thought
his collapsible cane was an illegal martial arts weapon. One of the officers
was injured after the blind man, thinking he was being mugged, fought back.
===================================================================
"Karate is a defensive art from beginning to end" - Gichin Funakoshi
===================================================================
"We staunch traditionalists know that appearence is everything.
Technique is nowhere near as important as having your pleats straight
when you die" - Steve Gombosi
===================================================================
I am a Cobra And these Words are my Venom And through My Magickal Lore
I shall capture your Mind And Spew My Poison into Your Eyes Then My world
will become Your world And You Shall Die
-- Some Twit on rec.martial-arts who let his prozac perscription run out.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brad "Hey, don't you do KROTTY.." Webb was seen fleeing the scene. Be
on the look-out for a male,5'10,curly brown hair, making grunting noises,
executing punching,kicking,sweeping and other odd motions.
======================================================================
From: ol...@fwi.uva.nl (Equalizer)
Date: 14 Feb 1995 14:47:30 +0100
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
- "Live in Peace, or Rest in It" - Faculty of Mathematics and
Computer Science, Univ. of Amsterdam =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
From: Tien-chih Lin <tc...@jove.acs.unt.edu>
| It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers. |
| - James Thurber |
+========================================================================+
From: b14...@vaxb.phx1.aro.allied.com
Date: 13 Feb 95 09:11:39 MST
He who hesitates, meditates in the horizontal position. Edmund K. Parker
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: eva...@bnr.ca (Etienne Vallee)
Date: Tue, 14 Feb 1995 14:40:24 GMT
"A few months in the lab can often save a few hours in the library."
- seen on the Net -
============================================================================
From: bran...@wfu.edu (jon larr branham)
Date: 17 Feb 1995 06:47:12 GMT
Use your weapons with prudence
employing them only when
the cosmos demands it.
Use your creativity as the first means
of preventing danger.
When you cannot prevent, avoid.
When you cannot avoid, confuse.
When you cannot confuse, dissuade.
When you cannot dissuade, hurt.
When you cannot hurt, injure.
When you cannot injure, maim.
Only when the scheme of totality
demands you to be its messenger,
kill.
=============================================================================
From: sra...@gabriel.resudox.net (Steve Radulovich)
Date: Sat, 18 Feb 1995 23:04:46
Interviewer: Have you ever been exposed to American fighters? I
know that your dojo always welcomes foreigners so this dojo
would probably be on their list to see?
Sensei: Two years ago some of the top American fighters came
from the U.S. They were champions of the USKA Association. They
found out that they were not champions here. If people come to
learn we teach them but if they come to fight -- then we teach
them the hard way. Either way is acceptable. Either way is hard.
Kanei Uechi, 1987
Upon Soken Sensei's return from Argentina to Okinawa:
"..I found that there were two kinds of students - one was a
dedicated and motivated student who wants to learn the Okinawan
martial arts. The other is an individual who only wants to say
he is learning karate. There are more of the latter. It is the
latter that you see everywhere. They say that they "know" karate
or that they "use to" practice karate - these are worthless
individuals. "
The date of the interview is September 10, 1978
From the book "The Interviews" by Ernest J. Estrada, Kyoshi 8-Dan
Shorin-ryu Shorin-kan
"In the old days we trained at karate as a martial art, but now
they train at karate as a gymnastic sport. I think we must avoid
treating karate as a sport - it must be a martial art at all
times! Your fingers and the tips of your toes must be like
arrows, your arms must be like iron. You have to think that if
you kick, you try to kick the enemy dead. If you punch, you must
thrust to kill. If you strike, then you strike to kill the
enemy. This is the spirit you need in order to progress in your
training. The effort required is great, and you can strain the
body by doing too much. So keep in mind your own physical
condition and train accordingly."
Choshin Chibana (1885-1969)
from the book "History and Traditions of Okianwa Karate-do"
Ernest J. Estrada, Kyoshi 8-dan, Shorin-ryu Shorin-kan
Doing research and knowing your martial arts history is very
important in Okinawan karate. Without this you are nothing more
than an amateur practitioner with no ties to the past and nothing
in your future.
- Yagi Meitatsu
Kyoshi, 9-Dan, President Internatational Gojyu-ryu Meibu-kan
Gojyu-ryu Meibu-kan
"Budo karate can include a little bit of sport in it, and that is
okay -- a little is okay, but those that practice only sport
karate find a distaste for the budo aspect. There is also a
danger in that many practitioners say they practice budo karate
but their training does not reflect that -- they only think they
practice budo karate, in some cases they even hope that they are
practicing budo karate. They do not know because they may have
never been exposed to it.
Let us sit down and talk about budo karate and sport karate. Many
students love to practice sport karate. Sometimes they ask me
what I think of their methods of sport. I say that sport karate
is bullshit karate. They never ask me that question again. That
is okay -- if they do not want to hear the truth.
....Winning and making others losers -- to me this is the real
heart of bullshit karate. In budo karate we all train to make
ourselves a better person. The only competition is within
yourself. In this way we are all striving to be winners and
champions. We strive to be better human beings, better people --
this is a far more worthy goal then having a tin trophy. Others
will argue over this but that is okay. It is okay for them to
practice bullshit karate but for me, it is only budo karate. If
they show me their bullshit karate I say that it is good -- it is
good for them but it is not real karate and it is not for me.
- Kanei Uechi
1987
"Sometimes karate training can be called training as a
tiger or training as a sheep. If you train as a tiger -- hard
training and body conditioning -- you can always train with
tigers. Other tigers will also recognize you and you can
train in peace with them. They know that when two tigers
really fight that one will die of injuries today and the other
will die of injuries tomorrow. Both will die, so they have
nothing to prove.
If you train like a sheep -- no contact and no two man
conditioning -- then you can only train with sheep. A tiger
can train with tigers and he can also train with sheep. He
just has to be careful not to hurt them. A sheep cannot train
with tigers. Sheep see tigers as being very frightening and
their conditioning, he says, will cause cancer. A sheep
training with tigers will get eaten up.
Sometimes you see a sheep who sees the truth of tiger training
and changes. In reality this sheep was actually a tiger in
sheep's clothing waiting to come out.
Watch people training. Look at how they act and how they
behave. A tiger can be like a little kitty but dangerous even
though he is friendly. They are quiet and watch everything.
They listen and watch. They know who they are and they have
nothing to prove -- they are at peace.
Sheep, on the other hand, make all kinds of noises and demand
to be heard. They run around and seem to crave attention.
They are easily hurt and easily scared. They always group
together for their own protection. When danger approaches
they look towards the group for protection because they cannot
defend themselves. They are easy prey for the tigers --
whether it is one sheep or several, sheep are still sheep.
Ryuko Tomoyose
Uechi-ryu
"The purpose of a fish trap is to catch fish, and when the fish
are caught, the trap is forgotten.
The purpose of a rabbit snare is to catch rabbits. When the
rabbits are caught, the snare is forgotten.
The purpose of words is to convey ideas. When the ideas are
grasped, the words are forgotten.
Where can I find a man who has forgotten words? He is the one I
would like to talk to."
-- Chuang Tzu
Domo arigato gozaimashta.
GAMBATE KUDASAI!!
Steven Radulovich
Gojyu-ryu Meibu-kan
I would like to thank Mr. Ernest Estrada for his invaluable
support in teaching me how to uphold the ideals of karate-do.
These quotes were compiled through his hard work and dedication.
====================================================================
From: s...@craycos.com (Steve Gombosi)
Date: 21 Feb 1995 11:52:02 -0700
>My personnal favorite :
>"When in doubt, knock 'em out" - "Big" Vinny Girolamo - NY Hell's Angels
On a similar note, two of my favorites are:
When in trouble or in doubt,
Cut down all who move about.
- Frederick J. Lovret
Never leave an enemy standing.
- Shaka Zulu (the original one, King of the Zulu Nation...
not the American karate instructor who
appropriated his name)
Steve
=================================================================
From: nag...@u.washington.edu (Karen Nagai)
Date: 21 Feb 1995 23:24:48 GMT
Todd D. Ellner <tel...@cs.pdx.edu> wrote:
>I've always been partial to:
> When in danger or in doubt,
> Run in circles, scream and shout.
>
I prefer:
Don't fry bacon naked.
karen
=================================================================
From: judos...@aol.com (JudoSensei)
Subject: Re: Reaching Total Enlightenment (humor)
Date: 22 Feb 1995 11:58:53 -0500
If dogs take over the world and choose a ruler I hope they don't just go
by size, because I bet there's some chihuahuas out there with good ideas.
--Jack Handy
I wonder why doves are the symbol of peace? Pillows have more feathers and
they don't have that dangerous beak.
--Jack Handey
=====================================================================
From: ti...@rasputin.megatek.com (Tim Scott)
Date: 24 Feb 1995 14:38:18 -0800
ObProfoudQuote: ~When you wrestle with a pig, all you get is muddy.~
=-==================================================================
From: ke...@kbbs.com
Date: Sun, 26 Feb 95 03:21:43 PST
dishonesty is it's own reward
===================================================================
From: ti...@hotlan.ho.att.com (-A.TINO)
Subject: Rocky Mt. Combat Applcations Training
Date: Mon, 27 Feb 1995 01:57:55 GMT
"Most real fights last less than eight seconds and the outcome is
decided most often in the first few seconds. How many techniques
can you execute effectively in that time? The correct answer is
not many, and you really don't need a lot of techniques for effective
self-defense. What you do need are basic movements that get you
off the attack line and strikes that impact with real disabling
power. Anyone can learn to put up more of a fight than most thugs
can, or are willing to engage. It's difficult for many people to
understand this, but the physical skills necessary can be learned
by most people fairly quickly. It's getting your mind right that's
the challenge." - Peyton Quinn
===================================================================
From: ayl...@ti.com (Phil B. Aylward, Jr.)
Date: Thu, 02 Mar 95 15:59:47 GMT
:
:it was once said by someone whose name i do not recall...
:"the black belt is not a mark or symbol of the end of the journey to ones
:mastery of the arts; rather it is the mark that one is done packing for
:their journey and may now take the first step in their true journey. This
:a journey which can not ever be complete, only traveled..."
:
--
#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#
# Phil B. Aylward || aylward@.ti.com #
# "The singular form of data is *not* || work: (214) 462-2466 #
# anecdote" || home: (214) 443-9248 #
#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#
From: la...@ai.sri.com (Kenneth I. Laws)
Subject: Palo Alto/Los Altos Karate
Date: 9 Mar 95 11:39:10
Admire those who seek the truth; avoid those who find it -- Marcel Proust.
===================================================================
Each person has a mental picture of his or her ideal self. Moving towards
that mental picture is what makes people feel good about themselves.
-- Harry Levinson.
===================================================================
The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect
and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of the same family
grow up under the same roof. -- Richard Bach, "Illusions."
===================================================================
The ego-fiction is in no way essential to the individual, to the total human
organism, in fulfilling and expressing his individuality. For every individual
is a unique manifestation of the Whole, as every branch is a particular
outreaching of the tree. To manifest individuality, every branch must have a
sensitive connection with the tree. ... Differentiation is not separation.
-- Alan Watts, "The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are,"
(Pantheon Books, NY, 1966).
===================================================================
What joy to awake every morning in a world so filled with things to learn.
-- Harry M. Kriz (harry_...@vt.edu), 10/94.
===================================================================
What man actually needs is not a tensionless state, but rather the striving
and struggling for a worthwhile goal, a freely chosen task.
-- Viktor E. Frankl, "Man's Search for Meaning."
===================================================================
While one person hesitates because he feels inferior, the other is busy
making mistakes and becoming superior. -- Henry C. Link.
===================================================================
Anyone can become ANGRY. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person,
to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right
way -- that is not easy. -- Aristotle.
===================================================================
May you live all the days of your life. -- Jonathan Swift.
===================================================================
Don't take life so serious, son... It ain't NOHOW permanent.
===================================================================
The lyf so short, the craft so long to lerne. -- Chaucer.
===================================================================
Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument
as one goes on. -- Samuel Butler.
===================================================================
Enjoyment is _not_ a goal, it is a feeling that accompanies important
on-going activity. -- Paul Goodman.
===================================================================
If people knew how hard I worked to get my mastery, it wouldn't seem so
wonderful after all. -- Michelangelo.
===================================================================
The measure of a man is not where he began or ended, but how far he traveled.
===================================================================
"Rabbit's clever," said Pooh thoughtfully. "Yes," said Piglet. "Rabbit's
clever." "And he has Brain." "Yes," said Piglet. "Rabbit has Brain."
"I suppose," said Pooh, "that that's why he never understands anything."
===================================================================
The goal of training in the martial arts is to overcome six kinds of disease:
the desire for victory, the desire for technical cunning, the desire to show
off, the desire to psychologically overwhelm the opponent, the desire to remain
passive in order to wait for an opening, and the desire to become free of these
diseases. -- Yagyu Munenori, 17th Century. [Morihei Ueshiba, 1984. Carrie
Wingate, J. Asian Martial Arts, V2 N3, 1993.]
--
===========================================================================
From: 3k...@qlink.queensu.ca (Kenny Cheetah Chan)
Subject: Gracie Jiu-Jitsu Text
Date: 10 Mar 1995 13:38:24 GMT
" Tell me and I'll forget...
Show me and I may remember...
But involve me and I'll understand. "
=====================================================================
From: st94...@post.drexel.edu (Christophe P. Otmani)
Date: Sat, 11 Mar 1995 15:35:20 -0400
> : --
> : WaccoWarner "I never get to get it!"
> : ARTHUR JOHNSON JNT...@prodigy.com
--
"Ability is something we create through our own efforts."
===================================================================
"Life unfolds as one great sheet called Time, and once finnished it is gone forever" - Chinese Adage
===================================================================
From: sti...@freenet.vcu.edu
Date: 10 Mar 1995 17:13:52 -0500
Life is crazy, Reality is hell, Death's a bitch, and then
you're Reincarnated.
==================================================================
From: m...@osuunx.ucc.okstate.edu (Molly Bowling)
Subject: Re: It's a shame about girls
Date: 14 Mar 1995 05:56:10 GMT
[X] M Bowling
m...@osuunx.ucc.okstate.edu
Always there's that space between what you feel and what you do, and in
that gap all human sadness lies.
=======================================================================
From: gr...@antizen.ebay.sun.com (Yes, I'm still here...)
Date: 23 Mar 1995 19:51:29 GMT
My favorite fight scenes in movies are;
1. The fight at the end of Lethal Weapon (I) between Gary Bussie (sp?)
and Mel Gibson.
2. The fencing dual in the begining of "The Princess Bride"
"Who are you?"
"No one of consequence..."
"I must know!"
"Get used to disappointment..."
<shrug>
=========================================================
From: ell...@duke.poly.edu (Elliot Smorodinsky)
Date: Fri, 24 Mar 1995 14:12:57 GMT
"I'm not outnumbered -- I'm just in a target-enriched environment!"
-- Anonymous
=========================================================
From: jed.h...@fantasy.brainerd.mn.us (Jed Hanson)
Newsgroups: rec.martial-arts
Subject: Re: POLL: Have You Ever Used Your Martial Art?
Date: Thu, 30 Mar 1995 03:03:10 GMT
-> From: wr...@unisql.unisql.com (wharfie)
-> In article <3l6o8v$n...@uncle.calvin.edu> jhul...@news.calvin.edu (Jo
-> And as soon as we convince the bad guys of this the
->world will be a better place. Until then we'd better keep our
->powder dry.
->
=============================================================
***He who makes no mistakes is not trying hard enough***
Genghis Khan
===========================================================
From: mur...@viis.shr.dec.com (Mark Urbin)
Subject: Re: Gay & Lesbian Martial Artists
Date: Fri, 31 Mar 95 14:35:50 GMT
NNTP-Posting-Host: murbin.viis.shr.dec.com
X-Newsreader: News Xpress Version 1.0 Beta #2
>In article <40.479...@channel1.com> joj...@channel1.com (Joji G) writes:
>>If you don't agree with me, that's proves my point.
==========================================================
www: Words of Wisdom and Wit
"There is no product that some man can not make a little worse
and sell a little cheaper; those who
buy on price alone are this man's lawful prey." John Ruskin
==========================================================
"Courage is the price life exacts for granting peace." Amelia Earhart
==========================================================
"You want to know how to make a million dollars in the diving business?
Start with two..." reported by Paul Tzimoulis
==========================================================
"This life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for
those who feel." Horace Walpole
==========================================================
"History teaches us that men and nations behave well when
they have exhausted all other possibilities." Abba Eban
==========================================================
"What's the difference between six divers in the water and
twenty people in the water: You may not notice, but the fish do..." Carl Roessler
==========================================================
"Time is a great teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its pupils." Hector Berlioz
==========================================================
"Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events,
small minds discuss people." Hyman Rickover
==========================================================
"You pay the same airfare whether you get two dives each day
or five; most people don't realize that half the cost of every
tropical dive can be driven by your airfare. That's why we invented
live-aboard diving." Carl Roessler
==========================================================
"I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days
attack me at once." Ashley Brilliant
==========================================================
"Diplomacy without arms is like music without instruments." Frederick the Great
==========================================================
"You can't do much about the length of your life, but you can
do a lot about its width and its depth." Anonymous
==========================================================
"I am a great believer in luck, and I find that the harder I
work the more I have of it." Stephen Leacock
==========================================================
"Doing the right thing is easy; knowing what the right thing
to do is, is hard." Harry S. Truman
==========================================================
"Love is what goes on between a man and a .45 that doesn't jam." Alan Ladd
==========================================================
"Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in light so dim he
would not have chosen a suit by it." Maurice Chevalier
==========================================================
"If a nation expects to be ignorant and free... it expects what
never was and never can be." Thomas Jefferson
==========================================================
"See & Sea does not take gratuitous slaps at destinations or
operators whose standards are lower than ours. However, we do know
where a lot of the bodies are buried in this industry, and that makes
our opinions vital for divers planning vacations." Carl Roessler
==========================================================
"If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come
sit next to me." Alice Roosevelt Longworth
Michael Weishaar
>
> Anyone out there have any good martial arts jokes, etc, or
> know of sites having such material.
>
> organization and looking for filler material to inject a
> little levity{;)}
>
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------
> Richard W. Desaulniers InterNet : desa...@mprgate.mpr.ca
> MPR Teltech Ltd. "Creating New Ways to Communicate"
> Ph. 604-293-5424
> Fax. 604-293-5787 http://www.mpr.ca/
>
>
I had an idea for a T-shirt.
In very small letters, it reads:
"If you can read this you are in grappling range."
I don't know how it fits into a newsletter, but it was my attempt.
-Michael
Kevin Craig
>Anyone out there have any good martial arts jokes, etc, or
>know of sites having such material.
>I have been given the task of publishing the newsletter of our
>organization and looking for filler material to inject a
>little levity{;)}
Q: How many MA instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but mine does it better than yours.
Kevin
- All opinions expressed are solely those of the author -
The Injured Rollerblader
: Anyone out there have any good martial arts jokes, etc, or
: know of sites having such material.
: I have been given the task of publishing the newsletter of our
: organization and looking for filler material to inject a
: little levity{;)}
There was a Far-Side cartoon:
Shows a karate school, with 3 grandmaster types breaking an impossibly large
number of boards.
You can see outside the window: a UFO is landing, and aggressive alien beings,
shaped like bricks, are racing out.
The caption:
"Finally, they had a chance to demonstrate their skill and save the world at
the same side"
Hmm... doesn't sound too funny in words - was funny as a picture. OF course,
you have to have Larson's knack for drawing funny-looking expressions. Or
Don Martin's.
Oz
Susan J Kiehne
|> Richard Desaulniers (desa...@mprgate.mpr.ca) wrote:
|> : Anyone out there have any good martial arts jokes, etc, or
|> : know of sites having such material.
|>
|> : I have been given the task of publishing the newsletter of our
|> : organization and looking for filler material to inject a
|> : little levity{;)}
The "Dave" comic strip had one of dojo sceen, several people sitting around
formal like on the mats. Dave,doubled over, was telling his girlfriend that
she was co-dependent; the girlfriend, standing above him said, "Yeah. I kneed
you." ;-)
There was a humorous thread running through tai chi, if you like I could email it
to you.
Susan
--
Susan J. Kiehne
Time flies like arrows;
Fruit flies like bananas.
---Groucho Marx
Stuart A. Bronstein
Steve Olson
>Subject: Martial Art Humor
>Date: 26 Jun 1995 20:52:03 GMT
>Anyone out there have any good martial arts jokes, etc, or
>know of sites having such material.
>I have been given the task of publishing the newsletter of our
>organization and looking for filler material to inject a
>little levity{;)}
>Thanks.
>----------------------------------------------------------------
>Richard W. Desaulniers InterNet : desa...@mprgate.mpr.ca
>MPR Teltech Ltd. "Creating New Ways to Communicate"
>Ph. 604-293-5424
>Fax. 604-293-5787 http://www.mpr.ca/
Kicks and throws
Will break my nose,
But names will never hurt me.
SteveO.
Andrew Davis
Dick, you are a strange, strange, seedy man :)
Andy
On Tue, 27 Jun 1995, Dick Knight wrote:
> In article <3sn6lj$7...@viking.mpr.ca>,
> Richard Desaulniers <desa...@mprgate.mpr.ca> wrote:
> >Anyone out there have any good martial arts jokes, etc, or
> >know of sites having such material.
>
> A man goes to the doctor's complaining of deafness. On arrival, he finds
> that his doctor is on holiday and a locum is temporarily running the
> practice. The locum turns out to be a man of Japanese origin, with an
> active interest in Martial Arts.
> "What seems to be tlouble?" he asks.
> "Pardon?" says the man. Eventually the doctor works out that deafness is
> the problem.
> "HOW RONG AGO DID THIS FIRST START?" asks the doctor.
> "About 2 or 3 months ago"
> "Good. TAKE OUT YOUR WIRRY"
> "WHAT," says the man, appalled. "Get my willy out?"
> "_Y_ _E_ _S_ -- T A K E O U T Y O U R W I R R Y."
> "That's ridiculous - I don't listen with my willy!" retorts the man.
> "NEVERRESS TAKE OUT WIRRY AND PRACE ON TABLE"
> Eventually the man decides to play along and unzips his fly, whips out
> his todger and lays it out on the table. He then tries to look
> nonchalant, without much success. While he is looking the other way, the
> small doctor comes screaming across the road and places a well aimed
> karate chop in the centre of the man's penis.
> "AAAAAAAAAARRRGGGHH!" He screams (amongst other things).
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> And the wax in his ears goes "Phrooomp" and hits the walls on either
> side of his head.
>
> -----
> Dick Knight
Jeff Pipitone
yielded three finalists. The final test consisted of the referee releasing a
fly from a container for the samarai to cut with his sword. When the fly was
released for the first samarai he made one slicing pass at the fly and
behold on the ground was the fly in two pieces. The fly was then released for
the second samarai who made a quick vertical and horizontal swipe with his
sword and behold on the ground was the fly disected into four pieces. The
third samarai approached nervously and took one swipe at the fly and it flew
away. The referee said, "You have missed!" to which the third samarai replied,
"No, that fly will never reproduce again!".
William P. Welty
>Dick Knight (r...@geatland.bt.co.uk) wrote:
>
>"With is a word that you should not begin or end a sentence with."
>
>It is imperative to always, always avoid splitting infinitives.
Ending sentences with prepositions is a behavior up with which
I shall not put.
Regards,
William
Michael Weishaar
didn't have the following in your list.
-Michael
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Rec.Martial-Arts Doublespeak Guide
gold...@uwwvax.uww.edu (Marty)
28 Oct 1994 22:07:43 GMT
Information & Media Technologies, University of Wisconsin - Milwaukee
Posted to: rec.martial-arts
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know this posting will probably get me in trouble with my own
words in future posts, but this was to good to pass up.
This is freely adapted from a similar article in a 1984 issue of
Inside Kung Fu.
The Newbie Guide to
Rec.Martial-Arts
Doublespeak
When posters say.. They reall mean...
------------------------------------------------------------
Japanese martial arts are I practice a Japanese martial
the best. art.
This art is thousands of This style is decades old.
years old.
The martial arts are about The martial arts are about
building better people. sweat, bruises and money.
Chinese marital arts are I practice a Chinese martial
the best. art.
High kicks are stupid. I can't do high kicks.
Sparring is extremely important. I'm good at fighting and I like
it and I can't do much of
anything else.
The martial arts are about The martial arts are about
building better people. beating people up if they
lay a finger on you.
Korean martial arts are the best. I practice a Korean martial
art.
Breaking techniques are very We do a lot of breaking
important. techniques.
I don't believe in grades. Nobody ever gave me a high
grade.
The martial arts are about Like me.
building better evolved
characters.
Filipino martial arts are the I practice a Filipino
best. martial art.
Sophisticated arts like Tai Chi Sparring frightens me.
and Aikido are far superior.
He's a good martial arts teacher. He's in my organization.
He's a lousy martial arts teacher. He used to be in my
organization but he broke
away and I don't get any
money out of him anymore.
My style is the best. I don't know anything about
any other styles.
Grades are not important. There's a grading coming up
and it's important.
Breaking techniques are useless. I can't do breaking techniques.
I'm an innovative, free- I'm more interested in teaching
thinking, modern Western martial than learning; and the
arts teacher, doing my own non- Orientals ignore me because
classical thing. they know how ignorant I am.
Martial arts politics are the I belong to a large, well-
necessary result of official established organization.
recognition by respectable
associations to protect the public.
I hate martial arts politics. None of the large, well-
established organizations
recognize me or have the
slightest interest in my
existence.
In this system, we make the art In this system, we make the
fit the person. person fit the art.
Competitions are a waste of time. I never won any competitions.
Forms or kata are the highest I read that somewhere -- and
expression of the inner essence I've had enough of tournaments.
of the martial arts.
Forms or kata are useless. Bruce Lee said forms are
useless and this relieves me of
a lot of effort, so go argue
with him.
One style is not better than Don't go to another school --
another -- it's the individual it's the style we teach here
that counts. that counts.
The techniques aren't important. The technqiues are important.
The principles are important. I wouldn't know what else to
do with the principles so it's
the techniques that are
important.
Bruce Lee didn't know what I don't know what Bruce Lee
he was talking about. was talking about.
Size and strength are not Size and strength are
important. important, especially if
you're fighting somebody
who's bigger and stronger
than you are.
Science and leverage will always Except when he's bigger and
win out over bruce force. stronger than you are.
The purpose of the martial arts I'm so humble and wise, it's
is spiritual development and terrific.
liberation from the ego.
---------------
That's it. Hope some of them brought a smile to your face. Enjoy!
Marty
-----------------------------------
World Wing Chun Kung Fu Association
===================================
--
Perry Lea CSD USER -> part no. A17998 - B
boot...@csd4.csd.uwm.edu SKU: R9 Revision: 4a.1 bbUa
DT 7777 Omaha release XXXXXXXXX
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rob Monaco
>Anyone out there have any good martial arts jokes, etc, or
>know of sites having such material.
>
>organization and looking for filler material to inject a
>little levity{;)}
>
>Thanks.
>
>----------------------------------------------------------------
>Richard W. Desaulniers InterNet : desa...@mprgate.mpr.ca
>MPR Teltech Ltd. "Creating New Ways to Communicate"
>Ph. 604-293-5424
>Fax. 604-293-5787 http://www.mpr.ca/
>
>
How many Martial Artists does it take to change a lightbulb?
10...1 to change the bulb and 9 to tell him he's doing it wrong.
Ferret Smith
> In article <3sn6lj$7...@viking.mpr.ca> Richard Desaulniers <desa...@mprgate.mpr.ca> writes:
> >From: Richard Desaulniers <desa...@mprgate.mpr.ca>
> >Subject: Martial Art Humor
> >Date: 26 Jun 1995 20:52:03 GMT
> >Anyone out there have any good martial arts jokes, etc, or
> >know of sites having such material.
> >I have been given the task of publishing the newsletter of our
> >organization and looking for filler material to inject a
> >little levity{;)}
How many martial artists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Six. One to screw it in and five to say "we have that technique too,
but we do it a little differently."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ferret Smith Is that a Monkey or
fsm...@chat.carleton.ca a Ferret on my back?
ah...@freenet.carleton.ca - Ferret
WWW http://chat.carleton.ca/~fsmith/
----------------------------------------------------------------------
drd_...@alpha.unisa.ac.za
>From: jk...@boi.hp.com (Jae Kim)
>Subject: Re: Martial Art Humor
>Date: Tue, 27 Jun 1995 16:51:37 GMT
>Richard Desaulniers (desa...@mprgate.mpr.ca) wrote:
>: Anyone out there have any good martial arts jokes, etc, or
>: know of sites having such material.
What's Bruce Lee's favourite drink?
Wataaaa!!!!!!!
John Lindsey
>How many ninjas does it take to change a light bulb?
5, one to change it, and 4 to write books about it.........
David Hanley
: There was a contest for the world's greatest samarai in which the competition
Better punchline:
The referee : "Your fly still lives!"
Third Samauri : "Yes, but he will no longer reproduce."
--
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
| David James Hanley, KSC--d...@lac.eecs.uic.edu -- C++, OOD, martial arts|
| Laboratory for advanced computing | My employer barely KNOWS me. |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Member:Oduro Tempalis Orientalis.
Brad Webb
= The Newbie Guide to
= Rec.Martial-Arts
= Doublespeak
=
Actually I have this, I just saved it outside my humor file :).
Thanks for the reminder, this was damn funny, so it's be added to the humor list.
Brad.
Danny Abramovitch
to rec.humor.funny (the Ultimate Internet Joketelling Championship). -- Danny
Top 10 reasons for studying martial arts
10) Broken masonry makes great drainage for potted plants.
9) Get beaten up by people half your size and twice your age.
8) Never run out of kindling wood again.
7) No need to wonder what belt to wear.
6) Get to be on first name basis with the Emergency Room staff.
5) These uniforms make nice pijamas.
4) Never need to wonder why it's hard to get up in the morning.
3) Get to appreciate the finer points of Chuck Norris' acting.
2) Learn to count to 10 in 3 different Asian languages.
And the top reason for studying martial arts:
1) (Tie) Get to star in Ginsu commercials. /
Three words: free nose job.
-- Danny
--
_________________________________________________________________________
Danny Abramovitch da...@hpldya.hpl.hp.com
_________________________________________________________________________
Michel Rottmann
WP>>Dick Knight (r...@geatland.bt.co.uk) wrote:
>>
>>"With is a word that you should not begin or end a sentence with."
>>
>>It is imperative to always, always avoid splitting infinitives.
WP>Ending sentences with prepositions is a behavior up with which
>I shall not put.
Quick joke:
A Texas Aggie was strolling across the Harvard campus and stopped a
student that was walking by and asked, "Excuse me. Could you please
tell me where the library is at?".
The Harvard-ite said in a bit of an arrogant tone, "At Harvard, we
NEVER end a sentance with a preposition."
The Aggie replied, "OK, Can you tell me where the library is at,
asshole?"ÿ
Well, it's always been one of my favorites. :-)
-®< R O T >¯-
---
þ 1st 1.11 #2645 þ Math illiteracy affects eight of every five people
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Internet: michel....@megasystem.com (Michel Rottmann)
This message was processed by NetXpress from Merlin Systems Inc.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Derek Zumsteg
2) A tie for first makes the next-best third-best
3) I read the list and thought 'this is as about as humor-free as
modern technology allows', and then I read that it made it to
rec.humor.funny, and I understood.
Danny Abramovitch (da...@hpldya.hpl.hp.com) wrote:
: I published this a while ago, but it seemed funny at the time. Even made it
: to rec.humor.funny (the Ultimate Internet Joketelling Championship). -- Danny
: Top 10 reasons for studying martial arts
[snip]
: 3) Get to appreciate the finer points of Chuck Norris' acting.
: 2) Learn to count to 10 in 3 different Asian languages.
: And the top reason for studying martial arts:
: 1) (Tie) Get to star in Ginsu commercials. /
: Three words: free nose job.
--
Derek Zumsteg
der...@cac.washington.edu
Mike Kolesnik
>Dick Knight (r...@geatland.bt.co.uk) wrote:
>: "With is a word that you should not begin or end a sentence with."
>It is imperative to always, always avoid splitting infinitives.
Always remember to never forget.
Thomas B Valesky
: >Dick Knight (r...@geatland.bt.co.uk) wrote:
One should always avoid sweeping generalizations.
--
===========================================================================
Tom Valesky -- tval...@osf1.gmu.edu -- tval...@site.gmu.edu
Programmer/Analyst C/C++/SQL/Visual Basic
(I don't work for GMU; I'm a part-time grad student)
Stuart A. Bronstein
: WP>ad...@crl.com (Stuart A. Bronstein) wrote:
: WP>>Dick Knight (r...@geatland.bt.co.uk) wrote:
: A Texas Aggie was strolling across the Harvard campus and stopped a
: student that was walking by and asked, "Excuse me. Could you please
: tell me where the library is at?".
: The Harvard-ite said in a bit of an arrogant tone, "At Harvard, we
: NEVER end a sentance with a preposition."
: The Aggie replied, "OK, Can you tell me where the library is at,
: asshole?"я
: Well, it's always been one of my favorites. :-)
Mine, too. I'd heard it before, but still laughed out loud. Thanks.
Stu
Lee Scheele
writes:
>Mike Kolesnik (kole...@gn2.getnet.com) wrote:
>: ad...@crl.com (Stuart A. Bronstein) wrote:
>
>: >Dick Knight (r...@geatland.bt.co.uk) wrote:
>
>: >: "With is a word that you should not begin or end a sentence
with."
>
>: >It is imperative to always, always avoid splitting infinitives.
>
>: Always remember to never forget.
>
>One should always avoid sweeping generalizations.
>
Yeah! I hate all generalizations!
Lee
you know who
: Thomas Valesky (tval...@osf1.gmu.edu) wrote:
: >Mike Kolesnik (kole...@gn2.getnet.com) wrote:
: >: Stuart A. Bronstein (ad...@crl.com) wrote:
: >: >Dick Knight (r...@geatland.bt.co.uk) wrote:
: >:
: >: >: "With is a word that you should not begin or end a sentence
: >: >: with."
: >:
: >: >It is imperative to always, always avoid splitting infinitives.
: >:
: >: Always remember to never forget.
: >
: >One should always avoid sweeping generalizations.
: >
: Yeah! I hate all generalizations!
'scuuz me, but just what does any of this have to do with martial
arts??!?
Schuegraf
: And the top reason for studying martial arts:
: 1) (Tie) Get to star in Ginsu commercials. /
Hmmm... 'the top reason for studying martial arts' was also the top
reason for an in/famous _someone_ to slice his wife.
Phil B. Aylward, Jr.
lsch...@ix.netcom.com (Lee Scheele) wrote:
:In <3t3i6s$2...@portal.gmu.edu> tval...@osf1.gmu.edu (Thomas B Valesky)
:>
:>: >Dick Knight (r...@geatland.bt.co.uk) wrote:
:>
:>: >: "With is a word that you should not begin or end a sentence
:with."
:>
:>: >It is imperative to always, always avoid splitting infinitives.
:>
:>: Always remember to never forget.
:>
:>One should always avoid sweeping generalizations.
:>
:
:Yeah! I hate all generalizations!
Also, let's stamp out all intolerance!!!
--
#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#
# Phil B. Aylward || ayl...@ti.com #
# Does anal retentive have a hyphen? || work: (214) 462-2466 #
# || home: (214) 443-9248 #
#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#
Stuart A. Bronstein
: Lee Scheele (lsch...@ix.netcom.com) wrote:
: : Thomas Valesky (tval...@osf1.gmu.edu) wrote:
: : >Mike Kolesnik (kole...@gn2.getnet.com) wrote:
: : >: >Dick Knight (r...@geatland.bt.co.uk) wrote:
: : >:
: : >: >: "With is a word that you should not begin or end a sentence
: : >: >: with."
: : >:
: : >: >It is imperative to always, always avoid splitting infinitives.
: : >:
: : >: Always remember to never forget.
: : >
: : >One should always avoid sweeping generalizations.
: : >
: : Yeah! I hate all generalizations!
: 'scuuz me, but just what does any of this have to do with martial
: arts??!?
Silly me. I thought it said, MARITAL arts. When I was married we would
always fight over whose grammar was better.
- Avoid cliches like the plague.
- Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
- Exaggeration is a billion times worse than comparisons.
Stu
Boris
>
>Susan J. Kiehne
>Time flies like arrows;
>Fruit flies like bananas.
> ---Groucho Marx
Times fun when you're havin' flies!
--- Kermit The Frog
LaryH94579
your posting these things.
root
: Jeff Pipitone (pipi...@nicmad.uucp) wrote:
: : away. The referee said, "You have missed!" to which the third samarai
: Better punchline:
: The referee : "Your fly still lives!"
: Third Samauri : "Yes, but he will no longer reproduce."
Even better: "Yes, but now he is circumcised."
Marc
--
Marc Goldberg
Information Systems Specialist
GWU Engineering Computing Facilities
RobertH131
>: >: "With is a word that you should not begin or end a sentence
with."
>
>: >It is imperative to always, always avoid splitting infinitives.
>
>: Always remember to never forget.
>
>One should always avoid sweeping generalizations.
>
Yeah! I hate all generalizations!
Lee
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------
The passive voice should not be used.
Schuegraf
: Geesh__one can get flamed for anything, it seems. I for one appreciate
: your posting these things.
Just what is your point here? Are you esoterically asking to be flamed?
Geesh...
Stuart A. Bronstein
: >
: >: >: "With is a word that you should not begin or end a sentence
: with."
: >
: >: >It is imperative to always, always avoid splitting infinitives.
: >
: Yeah! I hate all generalizations!
All generalizations are false. Yes, _all_ of them!