One-line aphorisms, part 3 of 4

[Alan Silverstein]

h Nothing is ever a total loss; it can always serve as a bad example.
h Nothing is finished until the paperwork is done.
h Nothing is impossible or impassable if you have enough nails.
h Nothing recedes like success. -- Walter Winchell
h Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. -- Mark Twain
h Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee. -- Kim Hubbard
h Now and then an innocent person is sent to the Legislature.
h Now it's time to say goodbye, to all our company... M-I-C, K-E-Y, M-O-U-S-E.
h Nuclear war would really set back cable. -- Ted Turner
h Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
h Nugloo: Single continuous eyebrow that covers the entire forehead.
h Of all our privileges, the license to breed is most grossly abused. -- Abbey
h Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable. -- Plato
h Of course I am happily married -- she's happy, and I'm married.
h Often it is fatal to live too long. -- Racine
h Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to conceive. -- Herold
h Oh, Aunty Em, it's so good to be home!
h Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
h Old skiers never die; they just go downhill.
h Omniscience: Talking only about things you know about.
h On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia. -- W. C. Fields's epitaph
h Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
h Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Thrice is enemy action.
h Once the trust goes out of a relationship, it's no fun lying to them anymore.
h Once upon a time, charity was a virtue and not an organization.
h One Bell System -- it sometimes works.
h One bit of advice: Don't give it.
h One child is not enough, but two children are far too many.
h One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
h One good turn usually gets most of the blanket.
h One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
h One size fits all: Doesn't fit anyone.
h One thing leads to another, and usually does.
h One way to make your old car run better is to look up the price of a new model.
h Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
h Only fools are quoted. -- Anonymous
h Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer.
h Only two groups of people fall for flattery: Men and women.
h Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment. -- Ducharme
h Our parents were never our age.
h Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing. -- Roy Ash
h Our problems are mostly behind us. Now we have to fight the solutions.
h Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it. -- Alex Schure
h Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal.
h Outpatient: A person who has fainted.
h Oversteer is when the passenger is scared; understeer when the driver is scared.
h Ow: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.
h Packrat's credo: "I have no use for it, but I hate to see it go to waste."
h Paper is always strongest at the perforations. -- Corry
h Paradise is exactly like where you are, only MUCH, MUCH better. -- Anderson
h Paradox: An assistant to PhDs.
h Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them.
h Paranoia: A healthy understanding of the nature of the universe.
h Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies at least two to one.
h Patience is counting down without blasting off.
h Pedlock: When a bicycle pedal wedges itself against the kickstand.
h People accept an idea more readily if you say Benjamin Franklin said it first.
h People have one thing in common: They are all different.
h People usually get what's coming to them... unless it was mailed.
h People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw parties.
h People who take cat naps usually don't sleep in a cat's cradle.
h People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
h People will buy anything that is one to a customer. -- Lewis
h Perfect guest: One who makes his host feel at home.
h Perfect paranoia is perfect awareness.
h Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
h Phasers locked on target, Captain.
h Philosophy: Unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.
h Phoenix is an oasis of ugliness in the midst of a beautiful wasteland. -- Abbey
h Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the Earth. -- Don Marquis
h Pity the poor egg; it only gets laid once.
h Politics consists of deals and ideals.
h Politics: The art of turning influence into affluence.
h Positive: Being mistaken at the top of your voice.
h Possessions increase to fill the space available for their storage. -- Ryan
h Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on Earth.
h Power means not having to respond.
h Predestination was doomed from the start.
h Prejudice doesn't have a Chinaman's chance in Chicago. -- Richard Daley
h Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning: It's on the other side.
h Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.
h Proctologist: A doctor who puts in a hard day at the orifice.
h Professor: One who talks in someone else's sleep. -- W.H. Auden
h Progress means replacing a theory that is wrong with one more subtly wrong.
h Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long. -- Nash
h Proofreading is more effective after publication. -- Barker
h Proximity isn't everything, but it comes close.
h Puritan: Someone who is deathly afraid that someone somewhere is having fun.
h Pushing 40 is exercise enough.
h Quack!
h Quality assurance doesn't.
h Quantity is no substitute for quality, but it is the only one we have.
h Quark! Quark! Beware the quantum duck!
h Question Authority... and the Authorities will question you!
h Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur. (Anything in Latin sounds profound.)
h Quinine is the bark of a tree; canine is the bark of a dog.
h Quit working and play for once!
h Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
h Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
h Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.
h Reality -- what a concept! -- Robin Williams
h Reality is for people who can't deal with drugs. -- Lily Tomlin
h Reality is for people who lack imagination.
h Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity. -- Alvy Smith
h Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. -- Dick
h Refrain means don't do it. A refrain in music is the part you better not sing.
h Refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
h Reputation: What others are not thinking about you.
h Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing. -- von Braun
h Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. -- Wright
h Rignition: Trying to start the car when the engine is already running.
h Rugged: Too heavy to lift.
h Rumper sticker on a horse: "Get off my tail, because shit happens."
h Russia has abolished God, but so far God has been more tolerant. -- Swayze
h Sacred cows make great hamburger.
h Saddam Hussein is the father of the mother of all cliches.
h Sagan: The international unit of humility.
h Sailing is a form of mast transit.
h Satisfaction guaranteed, or twice your load back. -- sign on septic tank truck
h Schroedinger's cat might have died for your sins.
h Science is material. Religion is immaterial.
h Scotty, beam me up a double!
h Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
h Seeing is deceiving. It's eating that's believing. -- James Thurber
h Seek simplicity -- and distrust it. -- Alfred Whitehead
h Serendipity: The process by which human knowledge is advanced.
h Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.
h Sex is dirty only when it's done right. -- Woody Allen
h Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. -- Swami X
h Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
h She walks as if balancing the family tree on her nose.
h Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.
h Sign on bank: "FREE BOTTLE OF CHIVAS WITH EVERY MILLION-DOLLAR DEPOSIT."
h Silly is a state of mind. Stupid is a way of life.
h Smile! You're on Candid Camera.
h Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. -- Fletcher Knebel
h Snackmosphere: The 95% air inside bags of potato chips.
h Snow and adolescence are problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.
h So long, and thanks for all the fish. -- Douglas Adams
h Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even.
h Some is good, more is better, too much is just right.
h Some make things happen; some watch what happens; some wonder what happened.
h Some men are discovered; others are found out.
h Some people cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
h Some people who can, should not.
h Some people would not recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head.
h Some prefer the happiness of pursuit to the pursuit of happiness.
h Someday you will get your big chance -- or have you already had it?
h Someday you will look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.
h Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. -- Sigmund Freud
h Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
h Spare no expense to save money on this one. -- Samuel Goldwyn
h Speed is n subsittute fo accurancy.
h Spelling is a lossed art.
h Spinster: A bachelor's wife.
h Spirobits: The frayed bits of left-behind paper in a spiral notebook.
h Spock: We suffered 23 casualties in that attack, Captain.
h Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.
h Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. -- W.C. Fields
h Statisticians do it with 95 percent confidence.
h Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly.
h Stock item: We shipped it once before and we can do it again.
h Stop committing useless mistakes. Make your next mistake count!
h Strategy is when you keep firing so the enemy doesn't know you're out of ammo.
h Stupid: Losing $25 on the game, and $25 more on the instant replay.
h Stupidity is a renewable resource.
h Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
h Success is something I will dress for when I get there, and not until.
h Success: The ability to go from failure to failure without being discouraged.
h Suicide is the sincerest form of self-criticism. -- Donald Kaul
h Sweater: A garment worn by a child when his parent feels chilly.
h System-independent: Works equally poorly on all systems.
h Tact is the unsaid part of what you are thinking.
h Take everything in stride. Trample anyone who gets in your way.
h Talent does what it can; genius does what it must; I do what I am paid to do.
h Taxes are going up so fast, the government might price itself out of the market.
h Taxes: The one of life's two certainties for which you can get an extension.
h Teamwork is essential; it allows you to blame someone else.
h Technique: A trick that works.
h Teenagers are two year olds with hormones and wheels. -- Will Limon
h Telepathy: Knowing what people think when really they don't think at all.
h Terrorists blow up celluloid factory... No film at 11.
h Texas remains our largest unfrozen state. -- Edward Abbey
h Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
h That must be wonderful; I don't understand it at all. -- Moliere
h That that is is that that is not is not.
h The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech. -- Clifton Fadiman
h The best cure for insomnia is a Monday morning. -- Sandy Cooley
h The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. -- W. C. Fields
h The best laid plans of mice and men are usually about equal. -- Blair
h The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
h The best way to inspire fresh thoughts is to seal the envelope.
h The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
h The bureaucracy expands to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
h The chief cause of problems is solutions.
h The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
h The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco. -- Mark Twain
h The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
h The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down.
h The covers of this book are too far apart. -- Ambrose Bierce
h The cow is a machine that makes grass fit for us people to eat. -- John McNulty
h The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other, milk. -- Ogden Nash
h The day will happen whether or not you get up. -- John Ciardi
h The death rate on Earth is: One per person.
h The decision does not have to be logical; it was unanimous.
h The difference between a good haircut and a bad one is seven days.
h The difficult we do today; the impossible takes a little longer.
h The dog's life is a good life, for a dog. -- Edward Abbey
h The early worm gets the late bird.
h The essence of being human is not understanding the opposite sex.
h The fact that it works is immaterial. -- Ogborn
h The famous politician was trying to save both his faces.
h The fastest way to discover all your bad habits is to move in with your lover.
h The fewer the data points, the smoother the curve. -- May
h The first myth of management is that it exists. -- Heller
h The first piece of luggage out of the chute does not belong to anyone, ever.
h The first rule of gun fighting is -- bring a gun.
h The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts. -- Ehrlich
h The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
h The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. -- Shakespeare
h The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization. -- Alan Coult
h The following statement is not true...
h The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.
h The future is a myth created by insurance salesmen and high school counselors.
h The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
h The grass is always greener on the other side of your sunglasses.
h The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax. -- Einstein
h The highway of life is always under construction.
h The idea is to die young as late as possible. -- Ashley Montague
h The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
h The law of gravity was enacted by the British Parliament.
h The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
h The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
h The meek shall inherit the Earth -- they are too weak to refuse.
h The meek shall inherit the Earth after we are done with it.
h The more keys you have, the more likely to be you are locked out.
h The more things change, the more they stay insane. -- Tom Weller
h The more things change, the more they will never be the same again.
h The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey. -- Andy Warhol
h The most dangerous part about playing cymbals is near the nose.
h The most enjoyable form of sex education is the Braille method.
h The moving finger having writ... gestures.
h The next thing I say will be true. The last thing I said was false.
h The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.
h The number watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
h The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please multiply by i and dial again.
h The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
h The one who says it can't be done should never interrupt the one doing it.
h The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. -- Oscar Wilde
h The only tools some people are competent to use are a pen and a checkbook.
h The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. -- Oscar Wilde
h The optimum committee has no members. -- Norman Augustine
h The other line always moves faster.
h The past is another country; they do things differently there.
h The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum. -- Finagle
h The plural of "musical instrument" is "orchestra".
h The prairies are vast plains covered by treeless forests.
h The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
h The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
h The race is not always to the swift... but that's the way to bet. -- Runyon
h The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi.
h The reason that sex is so popular is that it's centrally located.
h The richer your friends, the more they will cost you.
h The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography.
h The second best policy is dishonesty.
h The secret of life is to look good at a distance. -- Snoopy
h The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you have it made.
h The sex act is the funniest thing on the face of this Earth. -- Diana Rigg
h The shortest distance between two points is through hell. -- Brian Clark
h The shortest distance between two points is under construction. -- Altito
h The sixth shiek's sixth sheep's sick.
h The Society of Independent People has no members.
h The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up. -- Ogden
h The stapler runs out of staples only while you are trying to staple something.
h The supernova makes Mt. St. Helens and Krakatoa look puny. -- Time Magazine
h The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made men think.
h The things that interest people most are usually none of their business.
h The three stages of sex in marriage: tri-weekly; try-weekly; try-weakly.
h The total intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
h The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit, but noble fruit tastes bad.
h The trouble with a kitten is that, when it grows up, it is always a cat. -- Nash
h The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
h The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected.
h The two kinds of egotists: Those who admit it, and the rest of us.
h The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
h The universe is surrounded by whatever it is that surrounds universes.
h The weather at home improves as soon as you go away. -- Gomme
h The wind blows harder in the summer so the sun sets later.
h The word today is legs... Spread the word.
h The world is run by C students.
h The world isn't any worse. It's just that the news coverage is so much better.
h The world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. -- Sean O'Casey
h The worst you can say about God is that he's an underachiever. -- Woody Allen
h The zebra is chiefly used to illustrate the letter Z.
h Theft from a single author is plagiarism. Theft from three or more is research.
h There are many excuses for being late, but there are none for being early.
h There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
h There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
h There are more things in heaven and Earth than anyplace else. -- Tom Weller
h There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. -- Kissinger
h There is a 20% chance of tomorrow.
h There is a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence.
h There is a green, multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder. -- Spock
h There is a vas deferens between men and women.
h There is always more hell that needs raising. -- Lauren Leveut
h There is an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.
h There is an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.
h There is at least one fool in every married couple.
h There is exactly one true categorical statement. -- John Kessenich
h There is intelligent life on Earth, but I am just visiting.
h There is no future in time travel.
h There is no problem a good miracle can't solve. -- Shick
h There is no room in the drug world for amateurs. -- Raoul Duke
h There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.
h There is no time like the pleasant.
h There is nothing more permanent than a temporary tax.
h There is nothing wrong with abstinence, in moderation.
h There is nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't aggravate.
h There is nothing you can do that can't be done.
h There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad. -- Dali
h There is so much to say, but your eyes keep interrupting me.
h There is very little future in being right when your boss is wrong.
h There must be more to life than sitting wondering if there is more to life.
h They also surf who only stand on waves.
h They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist... -- last words of General Sedgwick
h They took some of the Van Goghs, most of the jewels, and all of the Chivas!
h Things are more like they are today then they ever were before. -- Eisenhower
h Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
h Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
h Things will get better despite our efforts to improve them. -- Will Rogers
h Think honk if you are telepathic.
h Think how much fun you could have with the doctor's wife and a bucket of apples.
h This aphorism would be seven words long if it were six words shorter.
h This book fills a much-needed gap. -- Moses Hadas
h This fortune is encrypted -- get your decoder rings ready!
h This fortune is inoperative. Please try another.
h This fortune was brought to you by the people at Hewlett-Packard.
h This is a crude version of a more advanced joke that has never been written.
h This is a good time to punt work.
h This is a recording.
h This is National Non-Dairy Creamer Week.
h This is the sort of English up with which I will not put. -- Winston Churchill
h This isn't right. This isn't even wrong. -- Wolfgang Pauli, on physics paper
h This may not be the best of all worlds, but it is certainly the most expensive.
h This sentence no verb.
h This statement is in no way to be construed as a disclaimer.
h This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
h Those who can, do; those who can't, simulate.
h Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address. -- Olinghouse
h Those who like sausages and the law had better not watch either one being made.
h Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead. -- Ben Franklin
h Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything... -- Sartre
h Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
h Time flies when you don't know what you are doing.
h Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
h Time is an illusion; lunchtime doubly so. -- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
h Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.
h Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students.
h Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in LA. -- Wright
h To attract a vegetarian, make a noise like a wounded vegetable.
h To be safe, make a copy of everything before you destroy it.
h To err is human. To admit it is a blunder.
h To err is human. To blame someone else for your errors is even more human.
h To err is human. To forgive is unusual.
h To err is human; to forgive is Not Company Policy.
h To generalize is to be an idiot. -- William Blake
h To get it done: Do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
h To hell with deep thoughts, this is the mating process. -- Kevin Keirn
h To keep milk from turning sour, you should keep it in the cow.
h To know recursion, you must first know recursion.
h To make a small fortune in the commodities market, start with a large fortune.
h To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
h To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
h To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question... or is it?
h To YOU I am an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. -- Woody Allen
h Today is a good day to bribe a high ranking public official.
h Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
h Today is the last day of the past of your life.
h Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
h Toe: A part of the foot used to find furniture in the dark. -- Rilla May
h Tomorrow looks like a good day to sleep in.
h Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
h Too much is not enough.
h Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL. -- Mae West
h Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore. -- Judy Garland
h Tragedy: A busload of lawyers driving off a cliff with three empty seats.
h Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy. -- Han Solo
h Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level.
h Truth is the most valuable thing we have -- so let us economize it. -- Twain
h Truthful: Dumb and illiterate.
h Try the Moo Shu Pork. It is especially good today.
h Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
h Tuesday After Lunch is the cosmic time of the week.
h TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
h Twenty percent of zero is better than nothing. -- Walt Kelly
h Two can live as cheaply as one for half as long. -- Howard Kandel
h Two cars in every pot and a chicken in every garage.
h Two heads are more numerous than one. -- Tom Weller
h Two is not equal to 3, not even for large values of 2. -- Grabel
h Two wrongs are only the beginning. -- Kohn
h Unauthorized fornication with this equipment is disallowed.
h Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it is just the opposite.
h Under every stone lurks a politician. -- Aristophanes
h Under-Achievers Anonymous has an 11-step program.
h Unmatched: Almost as good as the competition.
h Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
h Vital papers demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving.
h Volcano: A mountain with hiccups.
h Vote anarchist.
h Vuja De: The feeling that none of this has happened before.
h Wagner's music is better than it sounds. -- Mark Twain
h Waste not, get your budget cut next year.
h We are all politicians. Some of us are just honest enough to admit it.
h We are all self-made, but only the rich will admit it.
h We are living in a golden age. All you need is gold. -- Robertson
h We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one. -- John Fisher
h We are so fond of each other because our ailments are the same. -- Swift
h We are sorry. We cannot complete your call as dialed.
h We are the people our parents warned us about. -- Jimmy Buffet
h We aren't sure how clouds form. But they know, that is what counts.
h We can loan you enough money to get you completely out of debt. -- sign in bank
h We could do that, but it would be wrong, that's for sure. -- Richard Nixon
h We don't have to protect the environment; the Second Coming is at hand. -- Watt
h We have 64 arm bones but only 62 leg bones. The mistake is yet to be found.
h We have the best politicians that money can buy. -- Edward Abbey
h We have them just where they want us. -- James Kirk
h We interrupt this fortune for an important announcement...
h We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
h We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
h We will cross out that bridge when we come back to it later.
h We will get along fine as soon as you realize I am God.
h We will have solar energy when the power companies develop a sunbeam meter.
h Wealth: The ability to support debt.
h Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise. -- John Heywood
h Well adjusted: Makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous.
h Well-adjusted: Able to play bridge or golf as if they were games.
h What can't be said, can't be said. And it can't be whistled, either. -- Tirtha
h What did you bring the book I want to be read to out of about Down Under up for?
h What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
h What do you call a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand? Not enough sand.
h What happens when you cut back the jungle? It recedes.
h What if there were no hypothetical situations?
h What is an atheist's favorite movie? "Coincidence on 34th Street"
h What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind. -- Thomas Key
h What is orange and goes "click, click"? A ball point carrot.
h What is research but a blind date with knowledge? -- Will Harvey
h What is the difference between a duck? One of its legs is both the same.
h What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking someone to do.
h What orators lack in depth they make up in length.
h What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy? -- Ursula LeGuin
h What scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch? -- J. D. Farley
h What this country needs is more leaders who know what this country needs.
h What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn? -- Peter Beagle
h What! Me worry? -- Alfred E. Newman
h What's the difference between a viola and a violin? A violin burns faster.
h What, after all, is a halo? It's only one more thing to keep clean. -- Fry
h Whatever you want to do, you have to do something else first.
h When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. -- Edward Abbey
h When a person brags about his ancestors, the best part of him is underground.
h When angry, count four; when very angry, swear. -- Mark Twain
h When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.
h When God created two sexes, he might have been overdoing it. -- Charles Smith
h When I look at my children, I often wish I had remained a virgin. -- L. Carter
h When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad, I'm better. -- Mae West
h When in charge, ponder. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
h When in doubt, lead trump.
h When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
h When it comes to helping you, some people stop at nothing.
h When it's you against the world, bet on the world.
h When management wants your opinion, they will give it to you.
h When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
h When Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years. -- Tom Lehrer
h When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes. -- Dylan Thomas
h When pigs back into an electric fence, there is a short circus.
h When someone says, "It ain't the money, but the principle," it's the money.
h When the going gets tough, everyone leaves. -- Lynch
h When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. -- Hunter Thompson
h When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
h When working hard, be sure to get up and retch every so often.
h When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
h When you breathe you inspire. When you do not breathe you expire.
h When you dial a wrong number you never get a busy signal.
h When you feel terrific, notify your face. -- H. Jackson Brown
h When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.
h When you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. -- LBJ
h When you've seen one non-sequitar, the price of tea in China.
h When your memory goes, forget it!
h Whenever anyone says, "theoretically", they really mean, "not really". -- Parnas
h Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
h Where ever you go, there you are.
h Where is Denver? Denver is just below the O in Colorado.
h Where there is a will, there is an Inheritance Tax.
h Where there's a whip there's a way.
h Where there's a will, there's a relative.
h Whether you can hear it or not, the universe is laughing behind your back.
h Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither, it was the rooster.
h Which is worse, ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?
h While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
h White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship.
h Who cares about procreation, as long as it tickles?
h Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"? -- Hattie McDaniel
h Who needs astrology? The wise man gets by on fortune cookies. -- Edward Abbey
h Who was that masked man?
h Who's on first?
h Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop.
h Why be difficult when, with a bit of effort, you could be impossible?
h Why bother building any more nuclear warheads until we use the ones we have?
h Why did the chicken cross the road? He was giving it last rites.
h Why did the chicken cross the road? The rooster was on the other side.
h Why did the politician cross the road? To get to the middle.
h Why did the tachyon cross the road? Because it was on the other side.
h Why doesn't life come with subtitles?
h Why don't "minimalists" find a shorter name for themselves?
h Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
h Why is "palindrome" spelled "palindrome" and not "palindromeemordnilap"?
h Why is it that there are so many more horses' asses than horses? -- Liddy
h Why isn't "phonetic" spelled the way it's said?
h Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet? -- Lily Tomlin
h Why was I born with such contemporaries? -- Oscar Wilde
h Why would anyone want to be called Later?
h Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything.
h With a rubber duck, one's never alone.
h Without life, Biology itself would be impossible.
h Women fake orgasm because men fake foreplay.
h Women speak in estrogen but men listen in testosterone.
h Women truly are better than men. Otherwise, they'd be intolerable. -- Ed Abbey
h Women want one man to meet every need; men want every woman to meet one need.
h Women who desire to be like men, lack ambition.
h Women who love only women may have a good point. -- Edward Abbey
h Women: We cannot love them all. But we must try. -- Edward Abbey
h Work is the curse of the drinking class.
h Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.
h Yawning is an orgasm for your face. -- Gunvar Ingeborg
h Years of development: We finally got one to work.
h Yesterday was the deadline on all complaints.
h Yield to temptation; it might not pass your way again.
h Yo-yo: Something occasionally up but normally down (see also "computer").
h You are here. But you are not all there.
h You are in a maze of little twisting passages, all alike.
h You are in a maze of little twisting passages, all different.
h You are not paranoid if they're really after you...
h You are ugly and your mother dresses you funny.
h You are warm and giving toward others. What are you after?
h You aren't a real engineer until you make one $50,000 mistake.
h You can fool some of the people some of the time, and that is sufficient.
h You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word.
h You can learn many things from children... like how much patience you have.
h You can observe a lot just by watchin'. -- Yogi Berra
h You can rent this profound space for only $5 a week.
h You can't belay a man who's falling in love. -- Edward Abbey
h You can't feel as bad as you look. Or look as bad as you feel. -- Edward Abbey
h You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
h You can't have Kate and Edith too!
h You cannot buy beer; you can only rent it.
h You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
h You could be playing a video game instead.
h You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them.
h You have been selected for a secret mission.
h You have the body of a 19 year old. Please return it before it gets wrinkled.
h You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You will learn a lot today.
h You know you are a little fat if you have stretch marks on your car. -- Cyrus
h You know you are over the hill when work is less fun and fun is more work.
h You know you have landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.
h You look like a million dollars... All green and wrinkled.
h You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach.
h You never know who is right, but you always know who is in charge. -- Whistler
h You now have Asian Flu.
h You will be reincarnated as a toad; and you will be much happier.
h You will be surprised by a loud noise.
h You will feel hungry again in another hour.
h You will live a long full life and gradually decay into a useless blob.
h You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money.
h You will never hit your finger if you hold the hammer with both hands.
h You will pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please disregard.
h You will soon forget this.
h You will step on the night soil of many countries.
h You won't skid if you stay in a rut. -- Frank Hubbard
h You would if you could but you can't so you won't (and probably shouldn't).
h You'll find it all at Greeley Mall. -- Radio advertisement
h You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. -- Dean Martin
h Your chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to... uh...
h Your check is in the mail.
h Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now).
h Your love life will be... interesting.
h Your lucky number has been disconnected.
h Your lucky number is 364958674928. Watch for it everywhere.
h Your reasoning is silly and irrational but it is beginning to make sense.
h Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
h Your weight is perfect for your height -- which varies.
h Youth is too good to be wasted on the young. -- G. B. Shaw
h Zenophobia: The irrational fear of convergent sequences.
h [He] has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. -- Churchill
h [Nuclear war]... may not be desirable. -- Edwin Meese III
p "For example" is not proof. -- Yiddish proverb
p "Know thyself"? If I knew myself, I'd run away. -- Goethe
p ...all progress depends on the unreasonable man. -- George Shaw
p ...context... -- Manny Farber
p ...every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. -- Oscar Wilde
p ...it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score. -- Henry Tyroon
p ...men behave wisely once they have exhausted all alternatives. -- Abba Eban
p ...no rules around here. We're trying to accomplish something. -- Edison
p ...nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. -- Oscar Wilde
p ...take your own thoughts seriously, for they will shape you. -- Einstein
p ...the future is not what it used to be. -- Paul Valery (It never was.)
p ...there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. -- Russell
p ...this nuclear arms race... [will only] make the rubble bounce. -- Churchill
p ...those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. -- G. B. Shaw
p ...World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. -- Albert Einstein
p A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on. -- Carl Sandburg
p A boy gets to be a man when a man is needed. -- John Steinbeck
p A city is a large community where people are lonesome together. -- Prochnow
p A clash of doctrine is not a disaster; it is an opportunity.
p A clever prophet makes sure of the event first.
p A closed mouth gathers no foot.
p A company is known by the people it keeps.
p A compliment is something like a kiss through a veil. -- Victor Hugo
p A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper. -- Dyer
p A critic is to an author as a fungus to an oak. -- Edward Abbey
p A drastic change to stay where you are always puts you in a different place.
p A dream that is not interpreted is like a letter that is not read. -- Talmud
p A drill is a tool. A hole is a solution.
p A flood of words over a desert of thought. -- Simon Bolivar
p A fool and his money are soon parted.
p A fool and his words are soon parted. -- William Shenstone
p A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. -- Ralph Emerson
p A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular. -- Adlai Stevenson
p A genius is always on duty; even his dreams are tax deductible. -- Edward Abbey
p A good example is the best sermon. -- H. Jackson Brown
p A good memory does not equal pale ink.
p A good philosopher is one who does not take ideas seriously. -- Edward Abbey
p A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow. -- Patton
p A good supervisor can step on your toes without messing up your shine.
p A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on Paul's support.
p A great person never reminds us of others.
p A hammer sometimes misses its mark; a bouquet, never.
p A handful of friends is worth more than a wagon of gold.
p A handful of sand is an anthology of the universe. -- David McCord
p A hermit is a deserter from the army of humanity.
p A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. -- Lao Tsu
p A life without tragedy would not be worth living. -- Edward Abbey
p A little experience often upsets a lot of theory.
p A little sunlight is the best disinfectant. -- Justice Louis Brandeis
p A log may float in a river, but that does not make it a crocodile.
p A man can only be young once, but he can be immature forever. -- Catherine Aird
p A man does not look behind the door unless he has stood there himself.
p A man must not swallow more beliefs than he can digest. -- Havelock Ellis
p A man who cannot seduce men cannot save them either. -- Soren Kierkegaard
p A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
p A man's envy alludes to where his ambition fails. -- William Wall
p A mathematician knows how to solve a problem, but can't do it. -- Milne
p A mind that is stretched by an idea will never return to its original size.
p A mushroom cloud has no silver lining.
p A nuclear war cannot be won and must never be fought. -- Ronald Reagan
p A page of history is worth a volume of logic.
p A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.
p A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space. -- Gloria Steinem
p A pencil with no point needs no eraser.
p A person forgives only when he is in the wrong.
p A person is just about as big as the things that make him angry.
p A person paints with his brains and not with his hands.
p A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms. -- George Wald
p A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
p A pound of salt will not sweeten a single cup of tea.
p A pragmatist is one who's ideology/theology has failed. -- Herbert Schlossberg
p A problem found by appraisal must be found and fixed each time it occurs.
p A problem found by solution is gone forever.
p A productive drunk is the bane of moralists.
p A prudent question is one-half of wisdom. -- Bacon
p A relationship cannot be healther than both people.
p A rolling stone gathers no moss. -- Publilius Syrus
p A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. -- Clive James
p A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic. -- Joseph Stalin
p A standard that no one follows is worse than useless; it is a waste of time.
p A stitch in time saves nine.
p A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows. -- O'Henry
p A system meant for common use should rarely need uncommon knowledge. -- Redford
p A teacher affects eternity. -- Henry Adams
p A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent. -- Blake
p A violent man will die a violent death. -- Lao Tsu
p A witty saying proves nothing. -- Voltaire
p A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. -- Gloria Steinem
p A word to the wise is enough. -- Miguel de Cervantes
p A [person] without religion is like a fish without pajamas. -- J. Powers
p Above all things, reverence yourself.
p Absence makes the heart grow fonder. -- Sextus Propertius
p Abstraction is representing the whole by a part of the whole.
p Accept forgiveness as a way of life.
p Accept loneliness as normal, merely a sign that action is required. -- Limon
p Ad astra per aspera. (To the stars through hardships.)
p Adde parvum parvo magnus acervus erit. (Add little to little, get big pile.)
p Advice from an old carpenter: Measure twice, saw once.
p Advice is a dangerous gift; be cautious about giving and receiving it.
p After enlightenment, do the laundry. -- Zen proverb
p After the game, the king and the pawn go in the same box. -- Italian proverb
p Age before beauty; and pearls before swine. -- Dorothy Parker
p All forms of government are pernicious, including good government. -- Ed Abbey
p All gold is fool's gold. -- Edward Abbey
p All governments need enemies. How else to justify their existence? -- Ed Abbey
p All great discoveries are made by mistake. -- Young
p All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time.
p All great truths begin as blasphemies. -- George Bernard Shaw
p All hope abandon, ye who enter here! -- Dante Alighieri
p All I ask of you is forever to remember me as loving you.
p All in all, it's just another brick in the wall.
p All is well that ends well. -- John Heywood
p All laws are simulations of reality. -- John C. Lilly
p All life evolves by the differential survival of replicating entities. - Dawkins
p All my life I wanted to be someone; I should have been more specific. -- Wagner
p All obstacles not foreseen will be tripped over.
p All that we may see or seem, is but a dream within a dream. -- Edgar Allan Poe
p All wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers... -- Francois Fenelon
p All we learn from history is that we learn nothing from history. -- Hegel
p Allow others to make educational mistakes.
p Allow your children to face the consequences of their actions. -- Brown
p Almost everything looks better after a good night's sleep. -- H. Jackson Brown
p Always do what you are afraid to do. -- Emerson
p America's best buy for a nickel is a telephone call to the right person.
p Americans are people who insist on living in the present, tense.
p An American is a man with two arms and four wheels. -- A Chinese child
p An armed society is a polite society.
p An army is nothing but a well-organized lynch mob. -- Edward Abbey
p An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.
p An easy answer to every human problem: neat, plausible, and wrong. -- Mencken
p An empty man is full of himself. -- Edward Abbey
p An expert is a person who knows his limitations.
p An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
p An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest. -- Benjamin Franklin
p An open auction extracts the highest price from any seller.
p An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction. -- Booker
p An ounce of clear truth is worth a pound of obfuscation.
p An ounce of vanity can ruin a ton of merit.
p And malt does more than Milton can to justify God's ways to man. -- Housman
p And that's the way it is... -- Walter Cronkite
p And tomorrow will be like today, only more so. -- Isaiah 56:12 [NSV]
p Anger kills as surely as the other vices.
p Another such victory over the Romans, and we are undone. -- Pyrrhus
p Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art. -- Charles McCabe
p Any difference that makes a difference is information. -- Gregory Bateson
p Any excuse will serve a tyrant. -- Aesop
p Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain -- and most fools do. -- Carnegie
p Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise person to be able to sell it.
p Any illusion requires both time and space to be experienced.
p Any new tax law must exempt enough voters to win the next election.
p Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there. -- Harris
p Any smoothly functioning technology will have the appearance of magic. -- Clarke
p Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm. -- Publilius Syrus
p Anyone can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error. -- Cicero
p Anything free comes with no guarantee.
p Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
p Anything is easy if you can assimilate it to your collection of models. - Papert
p Anything is possible, but only a few things actually happen. -- Rich Rosen
p Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.
p Appearance VERSUS reality? Appearance IS reality... -- Edward Abbey
p Appearances often are deceiving. -- Aesop
p Apply good consumerism to your love relationships. -- Will Limon
p Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they are yours. -- Richard Bach
p As goatherd learns his trade by goat, so writer learns his trade by wrote.
p As others hurt and betray us, so are we the perpetrators of pain. -- Limon
p Ashes to ashes, dust to dust; if God won't have you, the devil must.
p Ask a self-answering question; get a self-questioning answer. -- John Flagg
p Ask not what's inside your head, but what your head's inside of. -- Gibson
p Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so. -- John Mill
p Assertiveness is essential to a healthy relationship.
p Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups. -- Wethern
p At either end of the social spectrum there lies a leisure class.
p At four we know all the questions. At eighteen we know all the answers.
p Attack the problem, not each other. -- Limon
p Auribus teneo lupum. (I hold a wolf by the ears.)
p Authority should command respect, not demand respect.
p Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
p Avoidable complexity should indeed be avoided.
p Be an expert on what's strong, not on what's wrong. -- Will Limon
p Be bold in what you stand for and careful what you fall for. -- Mary Webb
p Be both a speaker of words and a doer of deeds. -- Homer
p Be careful about what you teach your children. They might believe you.
p Be conservative in what you generate, but liberal in what you accept.
p Be not anxious about what you have, but about what you are. -- St. Gregory I
p Be sure your ladder of success is leaning against the right wall. -- Dobson
p Be willing to lead your life, not just follow it.
p Beauty is one of the rare things which do not lead to doubt of God. -- Anouilh
p Because we don't think about future generations, they will never forget us.
p Become famous for finishing important, difficult tasks. -- H. Jackson Brown
p Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more. -- Hallock
p Before buying a piece of property, walk around its perimeter.
p Before thirty, men seek disease; after thirty, diseases seek men. -- Chinese
p Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anyone's ego.
p Behaviors don't continue unless we get something for them, even just attention.
p Being deserving of praise blinds us to flattery. -- William Wall
p Being flexible is how you exercise your adult part.
p Being right is seldom enough. Even the best ideas must be packaged and sold.
p Belief in God? An afterlife? I believe in rock... -- Edward Abbey
p Belief in the supernatural reflects a failure of the imagination. -- Ed Abbey
p Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge. -- Goethe
p Better a cruel truth than a comfortable delusion. -- Edward Abbey
p Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without. -- Chinese proverb
p Better clean death than dirty life. -- Frank Herbert
p Better is the enemy of done.
p Better late than never. -- Titus Livius
p Better living a beggar than buried an emperor.
p Better to be ignorant of a matter than half know it. -- Publilius Syrus
p Better to be patient on the road than a patient in the hospital. -- C. Jenkins
p Better to reign in Hell then serve in Heaven. -- Milton
p Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes... -- Henry Thoreau
p Beware of the man who has no enemies. -- Edward Abbey
p Beware of the man who knows the answer before he understands the question.
p Beware of your wishes: They will probably come true. -- Edward Abbey
p Beware the wrath of a patient person.
p Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl. -- Mike Adams
p Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed. -- Pope
p Blessings on him that invented sleep! -- Cervantes
p Blinding speed can compensate for a lot of deficiencies. -- David Nichols
p Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.
p Build a system any fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
p Building a better mousetrap merely results in smarter mice.
p But it does move! -- Galileo Galilei
p By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
p By the time everyone agrees, it is too late.
p By the yard, life is hard. By the inch, it's a cinch.
p Call on God, but row away from the rocks. -- Indian proverb
p Can anyone remember when the times were not hard, and money not scarce?
p Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished? Yes, work never begun.
p Capability does not imply intent.
p Capitalism is the exploitation of one man by another; socialism is the reverse.
p Cats, no less liquid than their shadows, offer no angles to the wind.
p Change your thoughts and you change your world.
p Character is the power to change the face of things.
p Charity should be spontaneous. Calculated altruism is an affront. -- Abbey
p Chastity and virtue are their own punishment.
p Chastity is more a state of mind than of anatomy. -- Edward Abbey
p Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.
p Children become ready for toilet training and independence at the same time.
p Choose happiness for yourself regardless of what others do.
p Christianity might be a good thing if anyone ever tried it. -- George Shaw
p Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances. -- Herodotus
p Civilization is limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities. -- Twain
p Civilization remains a remote ideal. -- Edward Abbey
p Cleverness is not wisdom. -- Euripides
p Collective responsibility brings a lowering of moral standards. -- Freeman Dyson
p College is a refuge from hasty judgment. -- Robert Frost
p Comfort zones are most often expanded through discomfort. -- McWilliams
p Commit random kindness and senseless acts of beauty.
p Commitment is making time when there is none.
p Commitment is the stuff character is made of.
p Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality.
p Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius. -- Josh Billings
p Common sense is not so common. -- Voltaire
p Communication is next to impossible with someone who has no doubts. -- Limon
p Communications are the lifeblood of a relationship, carrying the nutrients.
p Conceit causes more conversation than wit. -- LaRouchefoucauld
p Concrete is heavy; iron is hard -- but the grass will prevail. -- Edward Abbey
p Conformity is the refuge of the unimaginative.
p Conscience makes egotists of us all. -- Oscar Wilde
p Consider all outcomes before taking a step, and spend your life on one leg.
p Consistency is always easier to defend than correctness.
p Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative. -- Oscar Wilde
p Constant reorganization is the hallmark of a dynamic organization.
p Contentment is the smother of invention. -- Laura Watson
p Correlation does not imply causation.
p Courage is grace under pressure.
p Cream rises to the top, but so does scum.
p Creation is a mighty joke, but the laugh is at my own expense. -- Meher Baba
p Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you are doing.
p Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
p Crisis is a motivator for change.
p Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship. -- Zeuxis
p Culture is the habit of being pleased with the best and knowing why.
p Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth. -- Lillian Hellman
p Data isn't information; information isn't knowledge; knowledge isn't wisdom.
p Death is every man's final critic. To die well you must live bravely. -- Abbey
p Death is just nature's way of telling you to slow down.
p Death is the one experience that we cannot put in perspective afterwards.
p Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat.
p Delay is preferable to error. -- Thomas Jefferson
p Delay is the deadliest form of denial. -- Parkinson
p Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse. -- Nehru
p Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
p Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.
p Desire for greatness prevents its achievement.
p Desire unacted is corruption. -- Ursula LeGuin
p Desires and longings are the root cause of all suffering. -- Meher Baba
p Devil's advocacy is an honorable profession.
p Discouragement is simply the despair of wounded self-love. -- De Fenelon
p Discussions of morality must inevitably lead to immoral statements. -- Bradshaw
p Divorce can be a creative experience. -- Will Limon
p Do more than anyone expects, and pretty soon everyone will expect more.
p Do not be angry with me if I tell you the truth. -- Socrates
p Do not be intimidated by reality.
p Do not beg trouble from the future. -- Nancy Kirkwood
p Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.
p Do not count your chickens before they are hatched. -- Aesop
p Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy. -- Robert Heinlein
p Do not seek answers that cannot be given; you would not be able to live them.
p Do not stoop to tie your laces in your neighbor's melon patch.
p Do not think by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
p Do not try to live forever. You will not succeed. -- George Shaw
p Do not worry about which side your bread is buttered on: You eat BOTH sides.
p Do unto others as they would have you do unto them. -- Haley
p Do unto yourself as you would have others do unto you.
p Do you wish people to think well of you? Don't speak well of yourself. - Pascal
p Doing is demonstrating that you know something.
p Doing what you love is freedom. Loving what you do is happiness.
p Don't be ashamed to say what you are not afraid to think. -- Montaigne
p Don't be so afraid of making a mistake that you can't make a decision.
p Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want. -- Brown
p Don't compare your insides with other people's outsides.
p Don't confuse mere inconveniences with real problems. -- H. Jackson Brown
p Don't confuse things that need action with those that take care of themselves.
p Don't ever slam a door; you might want to go back.
p Don't expect drastic changes fast. Good practices require practice. -- Hanson
p Don't find fault, find a remedy; anyone can complain.
p Don't have good ideas if you aren't willing to be responsible for them.
p Don't keep going to the well when the well is dry.
p Don't kid yourself. Little is relevant, and nothing lasts forever.
p Don't look for the right person; be the right person. -- Will Limon
p Don't make a big deal out of everything; just deal with everything.
p Don't outlive your money. -- H. Jackson Brown
p Don't put anything in writing that you wouldn't want to see in print. -- Young
p Don't run from love. There is no other direction.
p Don't speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.
p Don't take anything seriously except happiness. -- Albert Camus
p Don't teach your children what to think; just teach them to think. -- Tannenbaum
p Don't try to have the last word -- you might get it. -- Lazarus Long
p Don't try to pitch from third base.
p Don't Worry, Be Happy. -- Meher Baba
p Draw a circle around your love and hate will walk the line. -- Hugh Prather
p Draw your salary before spending it.
p Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
p Each man is his own prisoner, in solitary confinement for life.
p Each of us bears his own Hell. -- Publius Maro
p Earth is the cradle of mankind, but we cannot live in the cradle forever.
p Education is a weapon. -- Josef Stalin
p Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine. -- Edman
p Education makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook. -- Thoreau
p Eighty percent of success is showing up. -- Woody Allen
p Emotion: Energy in motion.
p Emotions honestly tell what is your investment and what are your expectations.
p Endurance is not toleration.
p Ensure your mind makes contracts your body can meet.
p Established technology tends to persist in spite of new technology. -- Blaauw
p Eureka! -- Archimedes
p Even a cabbage can look at a king.
p Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
p Even if a marriage is made in heaven the maintenance must be done on Earth.
p Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
p Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral. -- Kehlog Albran
p Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion.
p Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
p Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.
p Every cubic inch in space is a miracle. -- Walt Whitman
p Every erroneous inference involves admitting insufficient evidence as data.
p Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new.
p Every man has two vocations: His own and philosophy. -- Edward Abbey
p Every man loves what he is good at. -- Shadwell
p Every moment is precious. And precarious. -- Edward Abbey
p Every nation has the government it deserves. -- Joseph De Maistre
p Every new generation is a fresh invasion of savages. -- Harvey Allen
p Every now and then, bite off more than you can chew. -- H. Jackson Brown
p Every purchase has its price.
p Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness. -- Beckett
p Everybody has something to conceal. -- Humphrey Bogart
p Everybody ought to have a friend.
p Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
p Everyone is ignorant -- only on different subjects. -- Will Rogers
p Everyone is in the best seat. -- John Cage
p Everyone is partly man and partly woman. -- Virginia Woolf
p Everyone loves praise. Look hard for ways to give it to them. -- Brown
p Everyone stays busy keeping other people busy.
p Everything changes but change itself. -- John F. Kennedy
p Everything expands to fill the available space.
p Everything has some value -- if you use the right currency.
p Everything I did in my life that was worthwhile I caught hell for. -- Warren
p Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. -- Heinlein
p Everything is negotiable.
p Everything should be built top-down, except the first time.
p Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. -- Einstein
p Everything takes longer than you think it will. -- Murphy
p Examine what is said, not him who speaks. -- Arab proverb
p Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing.
p Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last. -- Marcus Aurelius
p Expansion means complexity; and complexity decay.
p Experience is a hard teacher for it gives the test first and the lesson later.
p Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want. -- Bob Niland
p Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other. -- Franklin
p Expert advice is a great comfort, even when it is wrong. -- Ellen Currie
p Expressing anger is a form of public littering. -- Gaylin
p Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. -- Carl Sagan
p Extraordinary people use their wisdom to avoid the need for their skill.
p e^(i*pi) + 1 = 0
p Facts are stubborn things. -- Tobias Smollett
p Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. -- Aldous Huxley
p Facts, apart from their relationships, are like labels on empty bottles.
p Failure is more frequently from want of energy than want of capital.
p Faith is believing what you know ain't so.
p Faith: That quality which enables us to believe what we know to be untrue.
p Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
p Fear is interest paid on a debt you may not owe. -- McWilliams
p Fear teaches us in the most graphic terms just what it is we value. -- Limon
p Fear: False Expectations About Reality.
p Feelings are neither good nor bad; they are just indicators. -- Will Limon
p Few people recover from having had a childhood. -- Bob Niland
p Few, if any, survive their teens. -- Maya Angelou
p Fields with the word "Science" in their names usually aren't.
p Fighting for peace is like making love for virginity.
p Find an aim in life before you run out of ammunition. -- Arnold Glasow
p Find time to work smarter.
p Fix the problem, not the blame.
p Flattery is like cologne: To be smelled, but not swallowed. -- Josh Billings
p Follow your bliss. -- Joseph Campbell
p Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing. -- Walt Kelly
p Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. -- Scotti
p Fools are always at the bottom of the food chain. -- Cesare
p Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
p For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill. -- R. Clopton
p For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.
p For life to have meaning, one must have something significant yet to do.
p For thee the wonder-working Earth puts forth sweet flowers. -- Titus Carus
p Force has no place where there is need of skill. -- Herodotus
p Forget what you know and learn. -- Roger von Oech
p Forget your troubles as easily as you do your blessings. -- NRTA Journal
p Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. -- John F. Kennedy
p Freedom begins between the ears. -- Edward Abbey
p Freedom is its own punishment. -- P.J. O'Rourke
p Freedom is nothing else but the chance to do better. -- Camus
p Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength. War is peace. -- George Orwell
p Freedom is the recognition of necessity. -- Spinoza
p Freedom of the press belongs to he who owns one.
p Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. -- Jones
p From error to error, one discovers the entire truth. -- Sigmund Freud
p From fanaticism to barbarism is only one step. -- Denis Diderot
p Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. -- H. H. Williams
p Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. -- Thomas Edison
p Genius is seeing origins.
p Genius is the talent of a person who is dead.
p Get up one time more than you are knocked down. -- Peter
p Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief. -- William Faulkner
p Given sufficient time, what you put off doing today will get done by itself.
p Giving away your personal power is an explosive fuel for power struggles.
p Goals... Plans... they're fantasies, part of a dream world... -- Wally Shawn
p God does not play dice with the universe. -- Albert Einstein
p God gives burdens; also shoulders.
p God is a comic playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh.
p God is an artist who paints with broad strokes.
p God is the tangential point between zero and infinity. -- Alfred Jarry
p God made the integers; all else is the work of Man. -- Kronecker
p God may be subtle, but he isn't plain mean. -- Albert Einstein
p Good behavior is the last refuge of mediocrity. -- Henry Haskins
p Good judgement comes from experience, which comes from bad judgement. -- Horning
p Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed.
p Good manuals are not written. They are rewritten.
p Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater. -- Godwin
p Governments lie; newspapers lie; but in a democracy they are different lies.
p Great acts are made up of small deeds. -- Lao Tsu
p Great art is indefinable but that's all right; it exists anyway. -- Abbey
p Great art is never perfect; perfect art is never great. -- Edward Abbey
p Great love and great achievements involve great risk. -- H. Jackson Brown
p Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
p Greatness is a transitory experience. It is never consistent.
p Grown men do not need leaders. -- Edward Abbey
p Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell. -- Ed Abbey
p Happiness adds and multiplies as we divide it with others.
p Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember. -- Levant
p Happy-go-lucky people can only be happy when they are lucky.
p Hard facts are hard to beat.
p Hard reality has a way of cramping your style. -- Daniel Dennett
p Hate the sin and love the sinner. -- Mahatma Gandhi
p Have no fear of perfection -- you'll never reach it. -- Salvador Dali
p Have no friends not equal to yourself. -- Confucius
p Having no security is better than thinking you have security when you don't.
p Having nothing, nothing can he lose. -- Shakespeare
p Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods. -- Socrates
p He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him. -- Bion
p He is the best of men who dislikes power. -- Mohammed
p He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
p He jests at scars who never felt a wound. -- Shakespeare
p He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow. -- Richard Burton
p He or she who would gather roses must not fear thorns. -- Dutch proverb
p He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open. -- Scottish proverb
p He that is giddy thinks the world turns round. -- Shakespeare
p He that would govern others, first should be the master of himself.
p He who asks is a fool for five minutes; he who does not remains a fool forever.
p He who defines the terms wins the argument. -- Chinese proverb
p He who dies with the most toys has missed the point of the game.
p He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.
p He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside. -- Sinbad
p He who fights and runs away -- lives to fight another day.
p He who foresees calamities suffers them twice over.
p He who has a WHY to live for can bear with almost any HOW. -- Nietzsche
p He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
p He who has the gold makes the rules.
p He who hates vices hates mankind.
p He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
p He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
p He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened. -- Lao Tsu
p He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough. -- Lao Tsu
p He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know. -- Lao Tsu
p He who laughs, lasts.
p He who lives without folly is less wise than he believes.
p He who opens a school door, closes a prison. -- Victor Hugo
p He who slings mud generally loses ground. -- Adlai Stevenson
p He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder. -- Escher
p Here comes the orator, with his flood of words and his drop of reason.
p Hey, everything goes wrong every minute. What you do is fix it. -- Gus Pagnois
p Hindsight is an exact science.
p History is written by the survivors. -- Max Lerner
p History usually clarifies stupidity.
p Home is the sailor, home from the sea... -- Kipling
p Homo sapiens is the greatest catastrophe since the Cretaceous extinction.
p Honest, smart, effective: Choose at most one.
p Honesty is better than lying.
p Houston, Tranquillity Base here. The Eagle has landed. -- Neil Armstrong
p How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterward. -- Spanish proverb
p How can so many take The Amazing Journey and not be amazed? -- Steve Hug
p How complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness.
p How do we acquire wisdom along with all these shiny things? -- David Brin
p How old would you feel if you didn't know how old you were?
p How you look depends on where you go.
p Humans are communications junkies. We just can't get enough. -- Alan Kay
p Humans are not rational beings; they are rationalizing beings.
p Humility is a virtue when you have no other. -- Edward Abbey
p Hurting yourself is not sinful -- just stupid. -- Robert Heinlein
p I am an enemy of the State. But isn't everyone? -- Edward Abbey
p I am convinced the desire to formulate truths is a virulent disease. -- James
p I am glad I will not be young in a future without wilderness. -- Leopold
p I am looking for an honest man. -- Diogenes the Cynic
p I am two fools, I know, for loving, and for saying so. -- John Donne
p I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. -- G. K. Chesterton
p I believe in nothing that I cannot touch, kiss, embrace... -- Edward Abbey
p I can believe anything, provided it is incredible. -- Oscar Wilde
p I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions. -- Hellman
p I do not believe in personal immortality; it seems so unnecessary. -- Abbey
p I do not know myself and God forbid that I should. -- von Goethe
p I do not take drugs -- I am drugs. -- Salvador Dali
p I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference. -- Jack Kerouac
p I don't make much sense because the rest of the world doesn't either.
p I don't make the rules, Gil, I only play the game. -- Cash McCall
p I dream things that never were; and I say "Why not?" -- George Shaw
p I found Rome a city of bricks and left it a city of marble. -- Augustus Caesar
p I have become me without my consent.
p I have been a lucky man. But someone has to be. -- Edward Abbey
p I have never been hurt by anything I didn't say. -- Calvin Coolidge
p I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. -- Mark Twain
p I have nothing to say, and I am saying it. -- John Cage
p I have often regretted my speech, never my silence. -- Publilius Syrus
p I have seen farther than others because I have stood on the shoulders of giants.
p I have with me two gods, Persuasion and Compulsion. -- Themistocles
p I like being single. I am always there when I need me. -- Art Leo
p I might make you feel, but I can't make you think. -- Gerald Bostock
p I never know how much of what I say is true. -- Bette Midler
p I only know what I read in the papers. -- Will Rogers
p I put up my thumb... and it blotted out the planet Earth. -- Neil Armstrong
p I realized something about perfection... It comes only with time. -- Collymore
p I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. -- Wilson Mizner
p I seem to be a verb. -- Buckminster Fuller
p I strive to be brief but I become obscure. -- Horace
p I think time is a merciless thing. -- Tennessee Williams
p I touch the future. I teach. -- Christa McAuliffe
p I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just. -- Thomas Jefferson
p I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity. -- Bill Veeck
p I understand why you are confused. You're thinking too much. -- Carole Wallach
p I used to be disgusted, now I find I am just amused. -- Costello
p I wanted to do it just as he did; so I began to learn. -- Cesar Chavez
p I wasted time and now doth time waste me. -- Shakespeare
p I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then. -- Bob Seeger
p I would like to know what I was fencing in and what I was fencing out. -- Frost
p I'll meet you... on the dark side... of the moon... -- Pink Floyd
p I've finally become what I had merely intended to seem. -- Ludwig von Humboldt
p Idealism increases in direct proportion to your distance from the problem.
p Ideals are like the stars; we never reach them, but chart our course by them.
p If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far. -- Paul White
p If A fool persists in his folly he shall become wise. -- William Blake
p If a guy is over 25% jerk, he's in trouble. -- Lee Iacocca
p If a man has talent and cannot use it, he has failed. -- Thomas Wolfe
p If a man hears much that a woman says, she is not beautiful. -- Haskins
p If a person can't communicate, the very least he can do is to shut up! -- Lehrer
p If a string has one end, then it has another end. -- Miksch
p If an inch represents one AU, then a light year is one mile, within 1%.
p If anything can go wrong, it will. -- Murphy
p If either religion or science were infallible, it would incorporate the other.
p If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.
p If God made us in His image, we have certainly returned the compliment.
p If guns are outlawed, only the government will have guns. -- Edward Abbey
p If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry. -- Chinese proverb
p If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell. -- Virgil
p If I had finished this sentence. -- Hofstadter
p If it can't bite you, it can't kiss you.
p If it happens, it must be possible.
p If it works, don't fix it. -- Sam Rayburn
p If it's not necessary to make a decision, it's necessary not to make a decision.
p If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
p If life is merely a joke, the question still remains: For whose amusement?
p If men could become pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.
p If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker. -- Albert Einstein
p If someone truly loves you, they ask how to make you happy; they don't guess.
p If the end does not justify the means -- what can? -- Edward Abbey
p If the master dies and the disciple grieves, the lives of both have been wasted.
p If the universe is the answer, what is the question? -- Leon Lederman
p If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
p If there is a wrong way to do something, then someone will do it. -- Murphy
p If there is no wind, row. -- Polish proverb
p If we don't survive, we don't do anything else. -- John Sinclair
p If what you're doing doesn't work, try something different.
p If wilderness is outlawed, only outlaws can save wilderness. -- Edward Abbey
p If you accept yesterday and love today, you will not be afraid of tomorrow.
p If you aim at nothing, you are bound to hit it.
p If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry. -- Chekhov
p If you are careful enough, nothing bad or good will ever happen to you.
p If you are too busy to read, then you are too busy.
p If you can distinguish between good and bad advice, you don't need advice.
p If you can dream it, you can do it. -- Walt Disney
p If you can't tell the difference, there is no difference.
p If you can't write it right, you can't think it right.
p If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one. -- John Galsworthy
p If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.
p If you don't deal with anger, it will deal with you. -- Will Limon
p If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there.
p If you don't make mistakes, you aren't really trying. -- Coleman Hawkins
p If you don't strike oil in twenty minutes, stop boring. -- Andrew Carnegie
p If you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of your arm.
p If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish. -- Darrell Royal
p If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't go anywhere.
p If you have a job without aggravations, you don't have a job.
p If you have to ask what jazz is, you will never know. -- Louis Armstrong
p If you have to walk on thin ice... you might as well dance!
p If you haven't time to do it right now, how will you redo it right later?
p If you knew what you were doing you would probably be bored. -- Fresco
p If you make demands, you are trapped in others's actions. -- Limon
p If you must fail, fail early.
p If you must hate, hate gently.
p If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. -- Maslow
p If you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.
p If you seem to know what you are doing, you will be given more to do.
p If you suspect a person, don't employ him.
p If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. -- Derek Bok
p If you trim yourself to suit others, soon you will whittle yourself away.
p If you try to please everybody, somebody is not going to like it.
p If you want a place in the sun, you must leave the shade of the family tree.
p If you want a quality, act as if you already had it. -- William James
p If you want divine justice, die. -- Nick Seldon
p If you want to cheer up, cheer someone else up.
p If you want to test a man's character, give him power. -- Abraham Lincoln
p If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
p If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend.
p If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some. -- Ben Franklin
p If you're happy, you're successful.
p If youth but knew, if old age but could. -- Henri Estienne
p Ignorance doesn't kill you, but it makes you sweat a lot. -- Haitian proverb
p Ignorance is the first guarantee of poverty and peonage. -- Pancho Villa
p Illusion is the first of all pleasures. -- Voltaire
p Imagination is more important than knowledge. -- Albert Einstein
p Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. -- Jules de Gaultier
p Imagine there's no heaven... it's easy if you try. -- John Lennon
p Immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. -- John Galbraith
p In a hierarchy every employee rises to his level of incompetence. -- Dr. Peter
p In a nation of sheep, one brave man forms a majority. -- Edward Abbey
p In all labor there is profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty. -- Proverbs
p In art as in life, form and subject, body and soul, are one. -- Edward Abbey
p In charity there is no excess. -- Francis Bacon
p In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable. -- Churchill, on Montgomery
p In giving advice seek to help, not to please your friend. -- Solon
p In life, some people get "shipped and handled" more than others. -- Will Limon
p In most instances, all an argument proves is that two people are present.
p In nature there are no rewards or punishments, only actions and consequences.
p In success there's a tendency to keep on doing what you were doing. -- Alan Kay
p In the country of the blind, the one eye'd man is king.
p In vino veritas. (In wine there is truth.) -- Pliny
p In war, truth is the first casualty. -- U Thant
p In writing, fidelity to fact leads eventually to the poetry of truth. -- Abbey
p Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
p Information is the inverse of entropy.
p Information that is hard to access is worth less than none at all.
p Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. -- Martin King Jr.
p Innovation is hard to schedule. -- Dan Fylstra
p Insanity is expecting different results from repeating the same behavior.
p Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out. -- Hoare
p Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better. -- Howe
p Integrity has no need of rules. -- Albert Camus
p Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free. -- Ralph Emerson
p Intelligence without character is a dangerous thing. -- Gloria Steinem
p Intention is not action.
p Intimacy comes from the resolution of conflict, not the lack of it. -- Limon
p Intimacy is the exchange of vulnerabilities. -- Masters and Johnson
p Intimacy: Two trees growing close together, but not in each other's shadow.
p Intolerance is a state no tolerant man can tolerate. -- McGinley
p Is a mirage real? Well, it's a real mirage. -- Edward Abbey
p Is this true or only clever? -- Augustine Birrell
p Isn't fun the best thing to have?
p It doesn't matter who you marry; next morning you will find it was someone else.
p It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. -- Clarke
p It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. -- Albert Einstein
p It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize.
p It is a poor workman who blames his tools.
p It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish. -- Aeschylus
p It is a short way from the penthouse to the outhouse. -- (coach) Dan Reeves
p It is all a game; play it to have fun. -- Price
p It is amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too tired. -- Heinlein
p It is amazing how much one person can do, little by little, over time.
p It is amusing that a virtue is made of the vice of chastity... -- Voltaire
p It is annoying to be honest to no purpose. -- Ovid
p It is better to be a coward for a minute than dead the rest of your life.
p It is better to be wanted for murder that not to be wanted at all. - Marty Winch