Call for One-Liners
Joseph Douglas McLain
The trouble with liberal politicians is that they get elected.
The truth is the one thing that nobody wants to believe.
The truth, however, is not pertinent to the issue.
The two great tragedies in life: Not getting what one wants and getting it.
The two most common elements hydrogen and stupidity.
The ultimate multitasking: Two computers!
The wages of sin go unreported.
The war on poverty is over. Poverty won.
The warranty: Bold print giveth and fine print taketh away.
The way to a man's heart is through the left ventricle.
The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
The weather is here...wish you were beautiful.
The word processor is mightier than the sword.
The words we use can compound our problems.
The words we use can end up compounding our problems.
The world is coming to an end, please log off.
The world is coming to an end. Please log off promptly.
The world isn't really any worse, it's just that the news coverage is so much better.
The worst case scenario is that you may have to buy it.
The worst form of failure is the failure to try.
The worst prison is a closed heart.
The worst prison would be a closed heart.
The worst thing about censorship is *****.
The worst vice of a fanatic is his sincerity.
The worst vice of a fanatic is his sincerity.
The written word preserves the wonders of the human mind.
The wrong way always seems the more reasonable.
The wrong way often seems the more reasonable.
The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions.
The young wish to give their elders the full benefits of their inexperience.
There are many ways to show affection.
There are more dead than living and they are increasing.
There are more horses' asses in this world than there are horses.
There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.
There are no skeptics in hell.
There are only two emotions on Wall Street: Fear and greed.
There are three kinds of lies: White lies, whoppers, and statistics.
There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself, employ someone else, or forbid your children to do it.
There are two kinds of egotists: Those who admit it and the rest of us.
There are two sides to a question and politicians take both.
There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
There go my people. I must go for I am their leader.
There is no man so blind as he who will not see.
There's never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
Thesaurus: Ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.
These are no limits for journeys of the mind.
These aren't my shorts; they bend!
These new facts do not coincide with my preconceived idea.
They can't fire me, slaves have to be sold.
They looked one another over with microscopic carelesness.
They may be smarter, but no one is crazier than me.
They tried to kiss in the fog but they mist.
Things worth having are worth cheating for.
Think while it's still legal!
Haim Forgacs
elected (all over the world)
Andy
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Ignorance can be fixed... Stupidity is forever.
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Joseph Douglas McLain
This round is dedicated to Schehezarade...
(Thanks again for the cheery e-mail!)
Stipulation #1: There will be no stipulations.
Stop discrimination - hate everyone equally.
Stop searching forever, happiness is right next to you.
Stop trying to change the things you can't accept.
Streakers repent; your end is in sight!
Stress: What you get when you buy a computer.
Stress: When your gut says no and your mouth says yes.
Stress: When your gut says no and your mouth says yes.
Strike any user when ready.
Strip mining prevents forest fires.
Strive for the impossible or you shall wither.
Strong willpower: Eating only one Lay's potato chip.
Study as though life is eternal, knowing that tomorrow you may die.
Stupid: Being unable to find your own butt in the dark.
Stupidity got us into this mess, why can't it get us out?
Stupidity is an equal opportunity employer.
Stupidity is no excuse for not thinking.
Stupidity is not a handicap; park elsewhere!
Stupidity is not a handicap; park elsewhere!
Stupidity, like virtue, is its won reward.
Success comes in a can. Failure comes in a cannot.
Success is a journey, not a destination.
Success isn't permanent; nor is failure.
Success often comes from not knowing you limitations.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Suicide is the most sincere form of self criticism.
Super Collider (n): Particle accelerator. See Amtrak.
Superior firepower is invaluable when negotiations start.
Superior firepower is invaluable when negotiations start.
Support free software: Write it yourself.
Support free trade: Smuggle!
Support National Motherhood Week - make one today!
Support Pacifism - get out and fight for what you believe in.
Support the Mental Health Program or I'll kill you.
Support your local police force; your life may one day depend on it.
Sure I can copy a disk! Where's the Xerox machine?
Surly to be and surly to rise.
Surrender now or I'll have to offer you better terms.
Surrender now, before I have to offer you better terms.
Sushi (n): Bait.
Swallowing your pride is a sure fire diet.
Swelled head: Nature's frantic effort to fill a vacuum.
Swing hard in case they throw the ball where you're swinging.
Synonym: A word you use when you can't spell the one you're looking for.
Synonym: Word you use when you can't spell the other one.
Syntax? Why not, they tax everything else!
Sysop: The guy laughing at your typing.
Sysoping. More fun than being beaten with a sledgehammer.
System Error; press F13 to continue.
Tabloid: A newspaper with a permanent crime wave.
Taco Bell is not the Mexican National Telephone Company.
Tact is for weenies.
Tact is knowing how far to go in going too far.
Tact is rubbing out another's mistake instead of rubbing it in.
Tact is the intelligence of the heart.
NAA
>Humour is fatal! I died laughing last week but the bastard brought me back. Shite face, where are you?