Pope Joke
yba...@sunset.sedd.trw.com
all over the world, but no one could diagnose his illness. Finally a
Doctor hit upon the cause. He told the Pope, "Your Holiness, because you
have lived all your life in a celebate state all your seminal fluids have
built up and are choking you to death. There is only one cure. You must
have sex with a woman." The Pope said , I can't do that. The doctor said
well, if you don't you will condemn yourself to death and that is a sin.
So the Pope went to his room and prayed and came out with a decision. I
will have sex with a woman, but be sure she has big tits!.....
---
John Greene
>The Pope has been sick for many months and experts were called in from
>all over the world, but no one could diagnose his illness. Finally a
>Doctor hit upon the cause. He told the Pope, "Your Holiness, because you
>have lived all your life in a celebate state all your seminal fluids have
>built up and are choking you to death. There is only one cure. You must
>have sex with a woman." The Pope said , I can't do that. The doctor said
>well, if you don't you will condemn yourself to death and that is a sin.
>So the Pope went to his room and prayed and came out with a decision. I
I think that you are missing a few lines here......
The pope agrees to have sex with a woman but she must meet four requirements.
The pope says that the woman must be blind so that she cannot see what is
happening. She must also be deaf so that she will not hear the sounds of
this deed. Third, she must be mute so she cannot tell of this activity.
(the pope pauses) and the forth requirement?, asks the doctor. To which the
pope replies, 'she must have big tits!'.
--
John E. Greene "People are just like frankfurters....You have to decide
if you're going to be a hot dog or just another wiener" DLR
TRW Systems Engineering and Development Division
INTERNET: gre...@venice.sedd.TRW.COM USENET: ..trwrb!venice!greene
k...@attcc.uucp
/* Written 4:54 pm Feb 28, 1990 by gre...@venice.SEDD.TRW.COM in attcc.UUCP:rec.humor */
In article <128.25...@sunset.sedd.trw.com> yba...@sunset.sedd.trw.com writes:
(the pope pauses) and the forth requirement?, asks the doctor. To which the
pope replies, 'she must have big tits!'.
Still have it wrong! Last line: She musta hava bigga titts, abooma, booma
Bruce Smith
>I think that you are missing a few lines here......
>
>The pope agrees to have sex with a woman but she must meet four requirements.
>The pope says that the woman must be blind so that she cannot see what is
>happening. She must also be deaf so that she will not hear the sounds of
>this deed. Third, she must be mute so she cannot tell of this activity.
>(the pope pauses) and the forth requirement?, asks the doctor. To which the
>pope replies, 'she must have big tits!'.
>--
You're getting warmer, John, but the way I heard it is:
After the pope says "she must have big tits!," the doctor, puzzled,
asks why.
The pope replies "that's just the way I like 'em!"
Bruce Smith
{Darkavich}
One day Bill and his friend where talking and Bill said "I know everybody
in the world". His friend said "No, you don't, that is impossible".
Bill: "yea, I do."
Friend: "I don't believe you"
Bill: "It's true."
Friend "Naw!"
this went on for some time.
Friend: "I bet you don't know the queen of England!!"
Bill: "Oh, Liz and I are good friends, hey we are not to far from
England, lets hop on a plane and head over there."
Friend: "We, cann't do that!"
Bill: "sure let's go"
They hop on a plane and fly to England. They get to Buckingham Palace and
the guard there says "Hi Bill!, Her majesty is waiting to see you".
Well, Bill's friend is real impressed. So, Bill goes in to the palace and
comes out and hour later.
Friend: "Well, what happend??"
Bill: "Oh, Liz and I had some tea and chatted about old times."
Friend: "Well that was real impressive, but I still do not believe you know
everyone.
Bill: "Yea, I know everyone."
Friend: "No you don't, I bet you don't know the Pope!"
Bill: "Yes, the Pope and I are good friends. We are not that far from
Rome, let's hop on a plane and fly down there"
Friend: "Nah! I don't Believe you."
So they get on a plane and fly to Rome. They get to the Vatican and catch
the last part of the Pope's sermon.
Friend: "Ah come on you don't know the Pope."
Bill: "Yes I do, watch I will go in and see him, ... better yet next time
the Pope comes out I will come out with him.
Friend: "You cann't do that! That's sacride (sp?)"
Bill: "just watch"
Well, Bill's friend waited in the crowd and the next time the Pope came out
on the balcony sure enough standing next to the Pope was Bill.
Well, he couldn't believe it when a person standing next to him in the
crowd turned to him and said, "Hey, who is that standing next to Bill?"
Steve Misrack
st...@ucsd.edu
Michael Katzmann
promote sales. Change the words of the lords prayer to read:
"Give us this day our daily CHICKEN..."
They arrange an audience with the Pope to propose the change. Naturally
the pope is luke-warm to the idea, so to sweeten the deal the Kentucky
Fried representative offers to make a large contribution to the catholic
church.
The Pope once again considers the proposal and rejects it. The Kentucky
Fried rep now proposes to feed the starving millions and make an even
larger contribution to the church. Now the Pope is interested but
that he must get the approval of the vatican council first.
So at the next meeting of the bishops the Pope starts off the meeting:
"I have some good news, and some bad news."
"The bad news is that we will be loosing the Wonder Bread account....."
goren yoram
No, no, no !
The correct version is:
"I will have sex with a woman, but she must be - blind, deaf, and
have big tits".
"Why blind ?" The doctor asked.
"Because she won't see whom she does it with, and can't tell the press."
"Why deaf ?"
"If I would say something, she won't be able to know who it was be the
voice."
"Why big tits ?"
"Because that's the way I like them!"
That's a better one (I think).
--
BITNET goren@bimacs
Arpanet goren%bimacs...@cunyvm.cuny.edu
UUCP ...!psuvax1!bimacs.bitnet!goren or:
...!uunet!go...@bimacs.bitnet
william.e.anderson
> In article <128.25...@sunset.sedd.trw.com> yba...@sunset.sedd.trw.com writes:
> >The Pope has been sick for many months and experts were called in from
> >all over the world, but no one could diagnose his illness. Finally a
> >Doctor hit upon the cause. He told the Pope, "Your Holiness, because you
>
> The correct version is:
> The Pope has been sick for many months and experts were called in from
> all over the world, but no one could diagnose his illness. Finally a
The version I heard was off of the first (I believe) Cheech & Chong album
about 19 or 20 years ago. Seems he did it because the Mafia was going
to kill him or something.
Sigs in the header.
Andrew R Komonchak
>No, no, no !
>The correct version is:
>The Pope has been sick for many months and experts were called in from
>all over the world, but no one could diagnose his illness. Finally a
>Doctor hit upon the cause. He told the Pope, "Your Holiness, because you
>have lived all your life in a celebate state all your seminal fluids have
>built up and are choking you to death. There is only one cure. You must
>have sex with a woman." The Pope said , I can't do that. The doctor said
>well, if you don't you will condemn yourself to death and that is a sin.
>So the Pope went to his room and prayed and came out with a decision.
>"I will have sex with a woman, but she must be - blind, deaf, and
>have big tits".
>"Why blind ?" The doctor asked.
>"Because she won't see whom she does it with, and can't tell the press."
>"Why deaf ?"
>"If I would say something, she won't be able to know who it was be the
>voice."
>"Why big tits ?"
>"Because that's the way I like them!"
>
>That's a better one (I think).
Not necessarily THE CORRECT version but the one I laughed at went:
<Insert above joke up until>
Well, if you don't you will condemn yourself to death and that is a sin.
So the Pope is being appealled to by all the cardinals and priests
to have sex and save his life.
After much praying and reflection the Pope comes to a decision.
He says to his papal subordinates:
"I will have sex with a woman, but only under 3 conditions."
"Yes, your Holiness?", say the cardinals.
"First, she must be blind so that she may not look upon my holy
personage committing this sin."
"This will be so, your Holiness."
"Second, she must be mute so that she will never speak of this
forbidden union to anyone."
"This also will be done, your Holiness."
"And lastly..."
"Yes, your Holiness?"
"She's gotta have REALLY big tits!"
Sorry about the repost, but this can be a really funny joke if told well.
Keep your nose clean! And any other bodily orifice which collects dust.
--
__ /\_/\ Send mail to: ako...@csserv1.ic.sunysb.edu
/| .\ The ARKtic Wolf | , , |"Bud, let me tell you something about men and
| o\ |A.R.Komonchak Jr. \| |/ women. We're all liars and you're all idiots."
\__|/ \-/ -Kelly Bundy
D'Arcy J.M. Cain
maximum funny you have to make the punch line as suprising as possible.
here is the joke with the punch 'punched' up.
The Pope has been sick for many months and experts were called in from
all over the world, but no one could diagnose his illness. Finally a
Doctor hit upon the cause. He told the Pope, "Your Holiness, because you
have lived all your life in a celebate state all your seminal fluids have
built up and are choking you to death. There is only one cure. You must
have sex with a woman." The Pope said , I can't do that. The doctor said
well, if you don't you will condemn yourself to death and that is a sin.
So the Pope went to his room and prayed and came out with a decision.
"I will have sex with a woman, but there are three thing that I require."
"And what are they?" asks the doctor. "First she must be blind so that she
cannot see this awful thing I do to her," says the pope. "Second she must
be deaf so she cannot hear any moans of pleasure that may escape from my
lips." he says.
"And the third requirement?" asks the doctor.
The pope says "She's gotta have big tits."
Note I even kept the punchiest word to the very last.
--
D'Arcy J.M. Cain (darcy@druid) | Thank goodness we don't get all
D'Arcy Cain Consulting | the government we pay for.
West Hill, Ontario, Canada |
(416) 281-6094 |
Zippy
> In article <128.25...@sunset.sedd.trw.com> ybarra writes:
> >The Pope has been sick for many months and experts were called in from
> No, no, no !
> The correct version is:
> The Pope has been sick for many months and experts were called in from
> >all over the world, but no one ...
> ... "Because that's the way I like them!"
> That's a better one (I think).
For all you other Freshmen types who haven't heard the original, find a copy
of Cheech and Chong's first album [circa 1972]. The cut is called "The Pope,
Live From the Vatican".
It starts out with a line like:
"Domini Domini Domini - Hey! Alla you wops! Get offa da lawn!"
Actually, I would surmise that goren and ybarra are trying to out-minasize
each other.
Zippy - .signature
tpbry...@gmail.com
Hiyo!