15/3 Puns
Tim Bruening
Ascending: Rising bell.
Descending: Falling bell.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:405ECB5B...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Confer: Against hair.
> >
> > Defer: To remove one's hair.
> >
> > Lucifer: Hair of the Devil.
> >
> > Prefer: Before you grow hair.
> >
> > Refer: To grow hair again.
> >
> > Transfer: To move hair to another person.
>
> Furrier: Hairy backside.
Ferment: I ment to get a fur coat!
Tim Bruening
Kidney Bean: The site of a generous organ doughnation.
Artichoke: An over-flamboyant strangling.
Brussels Sprout: A small Belgian child.
Lettuce get some more puns!
Don't cast asparagus on your opponents!
Tim Bruening
mike wheeEler wrote:
> In article <vnchp51...@corp.supernews.com>, jblv...@yahoo.com, Sy Knight
> was looking at the world oddly when:
> >
> >
> >Flatulent Dingo wrote ...
> >>
> >> Hello Nick,
> >>
> >> On Thu, 25 Sep 2003, at 13:57:43 [GMT-0700] (which was Fri, 6:57:43
> >> Australian Eastern Time) you wrote:
> >> > Aye, they are a brogish lot. One was seen aubergine.
> >>
> >> I am green with envy.
> >>
> >>
> >She was well, red.
> >
> That happened when she noticed she was showing pink.
Pinker: Light red dog.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:3F9CF51E...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Hiku: Revolution in the mountains.
> >
> Ditto - curry flavoured:
>
> To the tune of the tune . . .
>
> She'll be cummin round the mountain when she comes.
Fortune: In favor of rich music.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:3F9765FC...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Subscribe: Underwater clerk.
> >
> Sublime: Underwater fruit tree.
Sublimate: Underwater citrus tree sex.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41822F1D...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > RJH <ancho...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> > > news:2a2566aa.04102...@posting.google.com...
> > > > The Japanese chef Quo caused a good deal of controversy at this year's
> > > > Kalamari Cook-Off Competition when he made a secret deal to split the
> > > > winnings with the head judge. It was a case of Squid Pro Quo.
> > > >
> > >
> > > Why was there a head judge? Was somebody cooking them?
> >
> > Cooking the head judge?
> >
> > Cooking the books?
> >
> Cooking heads of course. Perfectly normal ewe sedge.
>
> Used by very versatile prostitutes: Double Entry Bookkeeping.
Why would anyone want to cook lettuce?
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41822A1F...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Ceasing: Computerized song.
> >
> > Circuit: Electrical knight.
>
> . . . or a set of components and instructions for building a knight.
> >
> > Easing: Song on the Internet.
> >
> > Icing: Another Internet song.
> >
> > Transistor: A daughter of the Mother Board.
>
> . . or a cross-dressing nun!
Airing: Ring worn by astronauts to supply them with oxygen.
Bearing: Ring worn by ursines for navigation.
Intent: Where campers sleep.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41822A1F...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Ceasing: Computerized song.
> >
> > Circuit: Electrical knight.
>
> . . . or a set of components and instructions for building a knight.
> >
> > Easing: Song on the Internet.
> >
> > Icing: Another Internet song.
> >
> > Transistor: A daughter of the Mother Board.
>
> . . or a cross-dressing nun!
Inundate: During a non romantic encounter.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:402B0F6E...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Diaper: Price of coloring.
> >
> > Hyper: Price of exaggerated advertisements.
> >
> > Perversion: Price for each kind.
> >
> > Pervert: Price of green.
> >
> > Super: Price of soup.
>
> Cheap soup: Minestrone.
>
> Expensive soup: Maxistrone.
Alphabet Soup: Soup with lots of letters.
Chicken Soup: Soup that runs away.
Pea Soup: Soup you wouldn't want to eat.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41822E6D...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:3F9765FC...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Subscribe: Underwater clerk.
> > > >
> BTW. A scribes is calligraphers, usually religious, like what done all those
> illuminated books like the Book of Kells etc. Don't demote 'em.
>
> > > Sublime: Underwater fruit tree.
> >
> > Sublimate: Underwater citrus tree sex.
>
> Fertiliser used on citrus plants: Lemonaid.
Abut: One arse.
Douglas D. Anderson
"Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote
>
> Ascending: Rising bell.
>
> Descending: Falling bell.
>
nemo
>
> Ascending: Rising bell.
>
> Descending: Falling bell.
>
>
Both at once: Lower limbs of a gullible person: Dupe Legs!
nemo
Reel people wear fake furs! - especailly anglers.
Watch out for ALF when you're wearing it!
nemo
Rust: Car-rot.
Someone who arrives and joins a line: Queue Cumber.
Face of someone who arrives and joins a line and who has high blood
pressure: A little radish!
Eye eye! That shallot!
Nemo.
Numbo One Punster!
(remembered!)
nemo
Pin King: A monarch's car whose engine is suffering from pre-ignition.
Lean mixture: What you get if your car biretta is at a jaunty angle.
nemo
Rich music . . . .
Iyyyy stroll along the boir de Bologne with my prick up in the air -
You can hear the gals declare - he's got a biggun there . . .
nemo
I got some metallic Iodine that's been re-sublimed.
I know. Let's rattle Echelon!!! Earwig "O" . . .
It's amazing what you get when you mix metallic Iodine with 120% Ammonia!
You can make some really vicious fly-paper!
nemo
I've tried it in a curry. It works quite well. The Perchlorate in it gives
it quite a tang.
nemo
Camp fire: The heat was intents!
Marquee de Sade: Torture tent.
nemo
Peace Hoop. Ahhhh! If only someone could invent one!
US soldier, Lorry O'Pantano's has just been charged with murder twice - on
the same day that one of our (UK) soldiers has been given the Victoria
Cross! - the highest award the UK military has - and the first time it's
been awarded to a live hero in 70 years!
Says something I think!
nemo
"Douglas D. Anderson" <d...@rr.rochester.com> wrote in message
news:c_TZd.82994$vK5....@twister.nyroc.rr.com...
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo
nemo
Tim Bruening
Bombard: Explosive poet.
Bombay: Explosive body of water.
Surrender: A Butcher Knight.
Surveil: A curtain Knight.
Tim Bruening
"Vanilla Gorilla (Monkey Boy)" <vgor...@pobox.alaska.net> wrote in
message news:<7407e0hl76c2l81fl...@4ax.com>...
>
> I'm only as bad as Hitler on Fridays. Monday through Thursday, I'm
> only as bad as Himmler, and on weekends, I'm only as bad as Goehring.
Do you follow the Designated Hitler Rule?
Lockheed: Beware the Lochness Monster!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
"Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:42EC4352...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:407A3C7B...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > Absently: Missing Korean penny.
> > >
> > > Arrogantly: Bold, aggressive Korean.
> > >
> > > Decently: Nice Korean penny.
> > >
> > > Presently: A Korean is here.
> > >
> > > Recently: A Korean penny in the near past.
> > >
> >
> > Yor really makin a Korea outa this, aincha!?
>
> A Huntington's Korea.
>
> Musical furniture: Bedding, Chairing, Lighting, and Seating.
And too much interviewing can bring on Parkinson's Disease!
Parkinson's Disease: Makes golfers' muscles lose control.
Tim Bruening
"Milton J. Smuthworthy, I" wrote:
> So then Larry Krzewinski <Feerles...@madmagazine.com> said:
> >>So then "nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> said:
> >>>> So then Alan <bogf...@hotmail.com> said:
> >>>> >On Sat, 24 Apr 2004 15:40:57 -0700, Tim Bruening
> >
> >>>> >>Why didn't Noah do any fishing?
> >>>> >>Because he had only two worms.
> >>>> >Why didn't Noah play cards?
> >>>> >The elephants were sitting on the deck.
> >>>> Ivory much doubt that.
> >>>If it were (sub junk tiff) the poop deck, they'd have been shitting on
> >>>the deck instead.
> >>Then they'd cook up their calfs in a baby elephant wok.
> >
> >Did you know that Noah was Japanese? After it was all over he
> >committed Hatari-kari.
>
> One of the cattle drown due to his clumsiness, so he had to do the
> honor a bull thing.
How Terri Bull!
nemo
>
> Bombard: Explosive poet.
>
> Bombay: Explosive body of water.
>
> Surrender: A Butcher Knight.
. . or one who extracts the water from corpses in Dune.
>
> Surveil: A curtain Knight.
nemo
>
> "Vanilla Gorilla (Monkey Boy)" <vgor...@pobox.alaska.net> wrote in
> message news:<7407e0hl76c2l81fl...@4ax.com>...
> >
> > I'm only as bad as Hitler on Fridays. Monday through Thursday, I'm
> > only as bad as Himmler, and on weekends, I'm only as bad as Goehring.
And when he eats turkey, he Goebbels it up very quickly.
nemo
Dimbleby: A very dumb apine that thinks it's a male bovine that interviews
people on the telly.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
"Vanilla Gorilla (Monkey Boy)" <vgor...@pobox.alaska.net> wrote in
message news:<7407e0hl76c2l81fl...@4ax.com>...
>
> I'm only as bad as Hitler on Fridays. Monday through Thursday, I'm
> only as bad as Himmler, and on weekends, I'm only as bad as Goehring.
Do you follow the Designated Hitler Rule?
Tim Bruening
Bombard: Explosive poet.
Bombay: Explosive body of water.
Surrender: A Butcher Knight.
Surveil: A curtain Knight.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41EEF81F...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > dougal wrote:
> >
> > > On Mon, 15 Mar 2004 21:47:44 +1000, "Pollywolly"
> <po...@atjfaq.com>
> > > wrote:
> > >
> > > >There used to be a weatherman called Jim Hickey on the Channel
> One
> > News back
> > > >in NZ. One night the visuals for the weather maps didn't come
> up.
> > So when
> > > >he turned to talk about the night's forecast there was a black
> > screen. He
> > > >started off with "And tonight it's going to
> be...............<turns
> > to look
> > > >at the side screen, sees nothing and turns back to the
> > audience>..........a
> > > >very dark night.
> > >
> > > I watched one of those blooper shows once. The best bit was a
> Aussie
> > > game show host who mistakenly asked a male contestant if he had a
> > > boyfriend. The contestant replied "No, but I am gay". <audience
>
> > > laughs>
> >
> > Blooper: Price of blue.
>
> . . . or the price of Bletty Bloop - or Hlelen Klane!
Beddy: Sleeping demon, or demon that induces sleep.
Tim Bruening
B-Flat: Apine under a steamroller.
B-Sharp: A smart apine.
Tim Bruening
Bim Truening wrote:
> Flapping: King faints a golf conscious.
>
> Megabytes: Comedian vampire horse cow.
>
> Deploy: Demon.
Megabytes: A vampire computer.
I have heard of zombie computers (computers taken over by virus programs
and used to spread said viruses).
I've also heard of electric vampires (machines that use electricity even
when not operating).
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Innacurate: The state of an altar boy taking his revenge by buggering the
> priest instead!
Buggering: Insect ring.
Tim Bruening
Perfecting: Bell with no flaws.
Petting: Companion animal bell.
Plotting: Bell in a play.
Presenting: Bell at Christmas.
Preventing: Bell that avoids accidents.
Tim Bruening
Person: Price of male offspring.
Peaty: Tea drunk by Peter.
Pedant: Boring ant.
Petulant: Fussy pet ant, possibly a Pet Tard.
Petty: Tea drunk by pets.
Tim Bruening
Salting: Musical sodium cloride.
Saluting: A bell giving respect to the flag.
Showing: Flying play, fair, movie, or TV episode.
Shouting: Loud bell.
Shutting: Closing bell.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:44191B4E...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:42EC4352...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:407A3C7B...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > Absently: Missing Korean penny.
> > > > >
> > > > > Arrogantly: Bold, aggressive Korean.
> > > > >
> > > > > Decently: Nice Korean penny.
> > > > >
> > > > > Presently: A Korean is here.
> > > > >
> > > > > Recently: A Korean penny in the near past.
> > > > >
> > > >
> > > > Yor really makin a Korea outa this, aincha!?
> > >
> > > A Huntington's Korea.
> > >
> > > Musical furniture: Bedding, Chairing, Lighting, and Seating.
> >
> > And too much interviewing can bring on Parkinson's Disease!
> >
> > Parkinson's Disease: Makes golfers' muscles lose control.
>
> Dimbleby: A very dumb apine that thinks it's a male bovine that interviews
> people on the telly.
On the BBC?
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:44191B4E...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:42EC4352...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:407A3C7B...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > Absently: Missing Korean penny.
> > > > >
> > > > > Arrogantly: Bold, aggressive Korean.
> > > > >
> > > > > Decently: Nice Korean penny.
> > > > >
> > > > > Presently: A Korean is here.
> > > > >
> > > > > Recently: A Korean penny in the near past.
> > > > >
> > > >
> > > > Yor really makin a Korea outa this, aincha!?
> > >
> > > A Huntington's Korea.
> > >
> > > Musical furniture: Bedding, Chairing, Lighting, and Seating.
> >
> > And too much interviewing can bring on Parkinson's Disease!
> >
> > Parkinson's Disease: Makes golfers' muscles lose control.
>
> Dimbleby: A very dumb apine that thinks it's a male bovine that interviews
> people on the telly.
On the BBC?
Tim Bruening
Adoring: Ring that loves.
Boring: Ring that makes holes.
Boring: Ring of male pigs.
Fleecing: Singing parasites.
Roaring: Ring of lions.
Searing: A very hot ring.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41EE69EF...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41EB7500...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Milton: 2,000 pound grain grinder.
> > > >
> > > > Juicy: An Israeli ocean.
> > > >
> > > > Secrecy: Ocean no one knows about.
> > >
> > > Mediciterranean: If they'd have owned the whole thing.
> >
> > Also an ocean of doctors.
> >
> Or a lake of quacks.
Quacking: King of waterfowl.
Waterfowl: Polluted H2O.
Tim Bruening
Slow Lee: Not a fast Korean.
Sprit Lee: Energetic Korean.
Swift Lee: Fast Korean.
Verdant: Green ant.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41142CE8...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Lyme Disease: Turns people into green citrus fruit.
> >
> > Sublime: Underwater citrus fruit.
>
> Substandard: Underwater flag - or soggy UK newspaper!
Subpar: Underwater golf.
Tim Bruening
Aiming: Chinese vase #1.
Aping: Bell #1.
Beaming: Chinese vase #2. Contains buzzing insects.
Beating, Beeping: Bells #2: Contains buzzing insects.
C-Ming: A vase that seems to have lots of salt water.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41EE69EF...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
Tim Bruening
nemo
Stee Ming: A Chinese Turkish Bath.
nemo
Subparine: Unter zee boot whose captain has a terrible cold in the head!
SONAR but so far!
nemo
I got four of them on my stove. That tree minds me - hide better go and have
a taste of Mike Hurry!
It's fine. A little too much chilli but never mind. I'm having it with pasta
for a change and that'll dilute the taste. As long as I don't get chilli
willie in the morning! (^!^)
Mooring: The circular metal device through a bull's nose to make it come
quietly onto a boat.
Earing Aid: Electronic gadget that helps women get their auricular jewellery
through the little holes on their lobes!
Food for the ears: Lobes of bread.
Diesel doopher nough.
nemo
Man Derain Duck: Male waterfowl that swims in the sewers.
Tough Ted Duck: A waterfowl you don't argue with!!
Mallard: Mouldy pig-fat.
nemo
Verdent: A green tooth!
Hooker's Green: The prostitute is jealous.
Permanent Green: Grassy area with a huge fence around it.
Sap Green: Pigment bought by idiots.
Ox Hide of Crow Me Yum: Green leather bag with a delicious lunch inside made
of roast scavenging bird.