dirtiest line in tv history
Richard Farr
Say Ward, weren't you a little hard on the beaver last night.
richard branham
like to play with my pussy?" to which he replied, "I'd love to if you'd move
that damn cat!" (paraphrasing)
Mark Gouge
prit...@oissvr.ColumbiaSC.NCR.COM (news account) writes:
> How about:
> Hey Beaver, grab this rod and help me pitch a tent!
or
"Ward, you were awfully hard on the Beaver last night!"
Jim Aites
: like to play with my pussy?" to which he replied, "I'd love to if you'd move
: that damn cat!" (paraphrasing)
CUTE!
How about the urban clasic with Bob Ubanks and the NewlyWed Show?
Q: Where's the strangest place you've ever had sex?"
After a moments thought she replies, "I'd have to say, in the butt, Bob."
Paul D Evans
Mickey Mouse: "Let's SNATCH that PUSSY and put her in the BOX!"
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John Collin
>CUTE!
My favorite line from that show:
Bob: I think you have a very beautiful wife.
Contestant: Want 'er?
John Collin
Joseph Allen
Johnny: So do you do anything to give arnold luck before he plays?
Mrs P: Yes, i kiss his balls
Johnny: I bet that makes his putter stand up......
Richard Cotenas
a guest on his show one night, and when he asked her what she did to give
him good luck the day before a tournament, she said "I play with his balls."
Of course, a few people started to laugh, and she became embarassed when
she recognized the possible misinterpretation of this line. But before she
could say anything, Carson said, "I'll bet that makes his putter rise."
John Collin (jco...@phakt.usc.edu) wrote:
Ronald Gruber
: I didn't see this myself, but I heard that Carson had a golfer's wife as
Dave Clark
>From: Joseph Allen <all...@server.uwindsor.ca>
>Subject: Re: dirtiest line in tv history
>Date: Tue, 7 Mar 1995 15:39:47 GMT
The classic UL Groucho Marx line on You Bet Your Life that never really
happened:
Groucho: So tell me do you have any children?
Lady: Why yes Groucho, we have 13.
Groucho: 13? How do you explain that?
Lady: I guess my husband really loves me.
Groucho: Lady, I love cigars, but even I take them out once in awhile.
--------------------
Dave Clark - Data General Corp. Westboro, MA
dcl...@wellspring.us.dg.com
Opinions expressed are my own. Any resemblance to other opinions
living or dead are purely coincidental.
--------------------
Charlie Mullins
where he said "Meet me in front of the pawnshop, and
you can kiss me under the balls."?
---
--
Charlie Mullins
M. GAUVREAU
>From: cmul...@cwa.com (Charlie Mullins)
>Subject: Re: dirtiest line in tv history
>---
>--
>Charlie Mullins
And how about poor little Beaver Cleaver when the mother said
"Ward you were a little hard on the beaver last night"
Eric L.H. Amundsen
>
> r how about on the old Groucho Marx show? I'm drawing a blank on the
> name ( say the secret word and split 50 bucks between you. ).
>
> Groucho has a lady put her hand in his pocket and as it is in there, he
> asks, "Do you feel silly?". She says "Yes". He says (while wiggling
> the eyebrows) "Well, feel a little lower and you'll feel nuts.".
>
> Tom
> Who hasn't had 50 bucks to split in a long time.
>
>
I seem to remember hearing somewhere that the line that finally got
Groucho cancelled went something like this:
Groucho had a man and women on his show who had a bunch of kids
(like 14 or something)
Groucho : Why do you have so many children?
Woman : Because I love my husband.
Groucho : Well, I love my cigar, but I take it out once in a while.
This is all from memory from something I read a few years ago.
So don't flame any inaccuracies - I can't even vouch for its validity.
--
Eric L.H. Amundsen
Special Purpose Processor Development Group
Department of Physiology, Mayo Foundation
Rochester, Minnesota (507) 284-1843 Fax : (507) 284-9171
http://www.mayo.edu/sppdg/sppdg_home_page.html
E Michael Acklin
following way:
Camera keeps cutting out to a couple making out in
the stands, then back to the pitcher, batter, pitcher,
batter, then back to the couple again.
Diz:Y'know Pewee, I figgered out what they're doin out there!
Pewee Reese:What's that Diz?
Diz:He's a'kissin her on the strikes and she's a'kissin him on the
balls.
M.Acklin
Once loved Baseball...
Steven P. Gustafson
that got him kicked off the air....
On his childrens show, he said "When me and my wife go to baseball games,
we play a little game of our own. I kiss her between the strikes, and she
kisses me between the balls!" It was adios Soupy after that
g...@pipeline.com
Dennis W. Watson
writting his book and reads outloud what he has written, to the effect:
"The maid came in and asked where she should put the flowers she brought
in. I told her,'put your roses on my piano and your tulips on my organ.'"
--
Dennis Watson SMED Division Chair
Scott Bettis
remember how many) that is credited for getting "you bet your life" off
the air?
"I like a good cigar, but i take it out once in a while."
scott
<my opinions are my own since no self-respecting person would want them>
RichardBus
think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night"
Tom Grant
I remember Dick Martin on Laugh-In once saying, "Big Dick here..."
==========================================
"De l'audace, de l'audace, toujours de l'audace."
--Napoleon
---------------------------------------- --
Tom Grant Senior Tech Writer
CSSD
Oracle Corporation
tgr...@us.oracle.com
415-506-8481
===========================================
Marisa Cardoni
I was told this one by a friend, who'd said her mother had seen it on
TV, so I can't vouch for its authenticity.
In the UK there is a famous cook called Fanny Craddok, who had her own
cookery show. (Remember, fanny has a different meaning in Britain than
in the US).
One of the presenters closed off one show which had showed how to make
doughnuts with the words: 'I hope all your doughnuts turn out like
Fanny's....'
Elvis ate my hamster
>From: g...@nyc.pipeline.com (Steven P. Gustafson)
>Subject: Re: dirtiest line in tv history
Zig+Zag on MTV got banned off Irish TV for a month when they hosted a
childrens show with this joke.
Zig: "Whats Grey and comes in pints?"
Zag: "An elephant?"
GARCIA
: In the UK there is a famous cook called Fanny Craddok, who had her own
: cookery show. (Remember, fanny has a different meaning in Britain than
: in the US).
: One of the presenters closed off one show which had showed how to make
: doughnuts with the words: 'I hope all your doughnuts turn out like
: Fanny's....'
I'm sorry, I don't know that much English, I know it's very similar to
American but with some VERY important differences such as Bill Maher,
host of Politically Incorrect (That is his name isn't it?), points out:
"Won't you come around and knock me up?" means something COMPLETELY
different!(So don't show up naked) There is the connotation of "fanny" being
something to sit on
rather than name your child over here. Did it mean something else or am I
just expecting that joke to be funnier?
Long live Monty Python re-runs and Douglas Addams!!
Nathen
--
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
"Johnny Ringo! What do you think darlin', should I hate him?"
"You hardly know him."
"I don't know...something about him...something around the
eyes...reminds me of...me! Yep, I'm sure of it! I hate him!"
[Exchange of nasty cursing]
"Now, that's Latin darlin'. It appears as though Mr. Ringo is an
educated man. Now I really hate him."
-Val Kilmer as Doc Holiday in Tombstone
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*PPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFBT!*
> : In the UK there is a famous cook called Fanny Craddok, who had her own
> : cookery show. (Remember, fanny has a different meaning in Britain than
> : in the US).
[ Munch ]
> I'm sorry, I don't know that much English, I know it's very similar to
> American but with some VERY important differences such as Bill Maher,
> host of Politically Incorrect (That is his name isn't it?), points out:
> "Won't you come around and knock me up?" means something COMPLETELY
> different!(So don't show up naked) There is the connotation of "fanny" being
> something to sit on
> rather than name your child over here. Did it mean something else or am I
> just expecting that joke to be funnier?
There was a quote recently used in a series of ads ( commercials )
which went something along the lines of "America and England are two
countries kept apart by the same language" ... quite apt I think. ^_^
As to what fanny means, well, it ain't your butt ( as I believe the
American implication of the word means ), but a certain piece of female
genitalia ... ^_^
OBCrapJoke:
Why did the chicken take the stairs ?
Because the lift was out ...
( Substitute 'elevator' for 'lift' if your stupi-- er ... American. )
--
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Bill Coyne
character said, "But first, I have to leave the room." He then bent
forward and backed out through a doorway.
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Jim Bird
Show, and Johnny asked her about Arnold's success on the course. She replied
that she kissed his balls before each tournament. Johnny came back with "I
bet that makes his putter, flutter"
Any verification of this?
Jim Bird
JB...@CID.ORG
Brian McInturff
been reported but one of the best has to be from
the "Leave it to Beaver" show when June says,
"Gee Ward, you were a little hard on the Beaver
last night."
turf
Darian Brookes
Groucho met a woman with 15 kids.
He asked her why does she have so many.
She responded that she loves her husband.
To which he responded:
"I love my cigar, but i take it out once in a while."
It was cut from the movie by the studio!
GARCIA
Distribution:
Darian Brookes (dar...@aladdin.co.il) wrote:
: Groucho met a woman with 15 kids.
: He asked her why does she have so many.
: She responded that she loves her husband.
: To which he responded:
: "I love my cigar, but i take it out of my mouth once in a while."
: It was cut from the movie by the studio!
I have SEEN this!! I don't know where it would be available but I do know
I saw it on some network special about Groucho. Judging from his reaction
at the audience uproar I don't think he realized what he said until after
the laughter began. His next line was something like " I don't believe
this, no matter what I say it always comes out dirty" which led to
another bit of laughter.
Thanks for the info on "fanny". Of course it's going to be very difficult
for me to keep a straight face while watching Kevin Costner's Robin Hood
now.
Ken Lieck
> I always heard the story when Mrs Arnold Palmer was a guest on The Tonight
> Show, and Johnny asked her about Arnold's success on the course. She replied
> that she kissed his balls before each tournament. Johnny came back with "I
> bet that makes his putter, flutter"
And of course the famous line that got Carson sued by Zsa Zsa Gabor (who
was definitely asking for it): She asked, referring to the feline
companion she'd brought along to the show, if Johnny would like to pet her
pussy. He replied, "Sure, If you move that damn cat."
All quotes approximate. Actual results may vary.
Jon Heaton
: > I always heard the story when Mrs Arnold Palmer was a guest on The Tonight
: > Show, and Johnny asked her about Arnold's success on the course. She replied
: > that she kissed his balls before each tournament. Johnny came back with "I
: > bet that makes his putter, flutter"
Actually, I believe it went, "I'll bet that really stiffens his putter!"
Or so the urban legend that I have heard goes.
: And of course the famous line that got Carson sued by Zsa Zsa Gabor (who
: was definitely asking for it): She asked, referring to the feline
: companion she'd brought along to the show, if Johnny would like to pet her
: pussy. He replied, "Sure, If you move that damn cat."
: All quotes approximate. Actual results may vary.
--
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Jon Heaton n...@umich.edu * What would the world be, once bereft
Save the country from the * Of wet and wildness? Let them be left,
Contract _on_ America... * O let them be left, wildness and wet;
Shoot a Conservative! * Long live the weeds and the wilderness yet.
Que me ves, buey? * Gerard Manley Hopkins
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Marian Hughes
I took my girl friend to the baseball game. We made a deal.
I got to kiss her between the strikes and she got to kiss
me between the balls.
My girl friend makes the best pies. She makes apple, pumpkin,
but she really knows how to make my banana cream.
Rich Davis
: The dirtiest line in TV history must be from Leave it to Beaver. " Ward I
: think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night"
Adding to the list of famous _Leave it to Beaver_ quotes:
Eddie Haskel to June Cleaver
"Hello Mrs. Cleaver, how's the Beaver?"
Kevin Alexander James Nugent
: different!(So don't show up naked) There is the connotation of "fanny" being
: something to sit on
Actually, in England I think 'fanny' means vagina.
--
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
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Board member, Metro [Halifax] Community Access Network Society.
Board member, Telecommunaute's Canada/Telecommunities Canada.
Chebucto Community Net running Chebucto Suite.
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SEAN GREEN
Kevin Alexander Posted: Re: dirtiest line in tv h On 04/19/95 18:38
=-
KAJN> GARCIA (gga...@ucsub.Colorado.EDU) wrote:
KAJN> : different!(So don't show up naked) There is the connotation of
KAJN> "fanny" being : something to sit on
KAJN> Actually, in England I think 'fanny' means vagina.
Yup... here in blighty <g>.... fanny means vagina... but the funny
thing is I was just reading a mens (not a porn) mag called Maxim and
some women were discussing oral sex, and one said 'We've been
sitting on this thing all day and all of a sudden a man wants to
lick it!'.
**%**%**%**%**%**%**%**%**%**.--.**%**%*.-.*%**%**%**%**%**%**%**%**
,;;``;;-;,,..___.,,.-/ `;_//,.' ) :|
.' ;; `; :; `;; ;; `. '/ .' :| Sean Green
,; `; ; ` `; `; ,` /\ ' /\`; :|
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/ / .,;;) ', ( .' __\` :|
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___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12
Steven P. Gustafson
BET YOUR LIFE". The line wasn't cut, as the show was done live. However,
like most of the lines, it was planned, and rehearsed.
Gus
Michael Reuss
> when he wrote:
>
> OBCrapJoke:
>
> Why did the chicken take the stairs ?
> Because the lift was out ...
>
^^^^
I think in all varieties of English this contraction is spelled "you're". You must be stupi - er ...
Americ - er ... a hi skool grad-yoo-ate.
ObJoke:
Tonto bends down, puts his ear to the ground and reports: "Hm-m-m-m, Buffalo come, Kemosabe."
The Lone Ranger says: "That's amazing Tonto, how can you tell?"
Tonto replies: "Ear full of sticky white goo!"
Mike Reuss
Honorary Kid
Nathen D. Garcia jr
Steven P. Gustafson (g...@nyc.pipeline.com) wrote:
: The line was not from a movie, it was from Groucho's television show, "YOU
: BET YOUR LIFE". The line wasn't cut, as the show was done live. However,
: like most of the lines, it was planned, and rehearsed.
:
: Gus
Thank you for that input. I had previously assumed that but I wasn't sure
because it's been a while since I've seen that special. Does anyone know
if this is available somewhere on video?
--
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"As I entered the room they crossed their legs and turned their
heads as though they were part of some feminist drill team..."
-Prudence in Hollywood, short story
"Vince: Its not a date. I'm not going to be a bad boy.
Jules: Bitch is gonna kill more [men] than time."
-John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson,
Pulp Fiction (Complete script)
"I have had people walk out on me before, but not when I was
being so charming."
-Harrison Ford as Deckard in Blade Runner
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