A Chattering Leg
Larry Krzewinski
Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!"
The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear,
"Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks."
"I've never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has this
been going on?" asked the doctor.
"That's nothing Doc. Put your ear to my knee."
The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say, "Man, I
really need 10 dollars, just lend me 10 bucks!!"
"Sir," said the dumbfounded Doctor, "I really don't know what to tell
you. I've never encountered anything like this before."
"Wait Doc, that's not it. There's more, just put your ear up to my
ankle," the man urged.
The doctor did as the man said and heard the ankle plead, "Please, I
just need 5 dollars. Lend me 5 bucks if you will."
"I have no idea what to tell you," the doctor said. "There's nothing
about it in my books," he said. "However, I can make a well educated
guess though. Based on life experience I can tell you that your leg
seems to be broke in three places."
MosZibby
Mos asks: Can we really do that here?
Greg Evans
Nope. God'll get him for that.
Alan
wrote:
>Larry Krzewinski wrote: A humourous joke.
>
>Mos asks: Can we really do that here?
>
Yes, please.
Where did Nancy Carson go?
MosZibby
Which pantheism? I don't want the wrong
one stuck with him.
Greg Evans
All of 'em. Larry's an equal-opportunity blasphemer.
ynotssor
news:105a7ht...@corp.supernews.com
>>>> A humourous joke.
>>>
>>> Mos asks: Can we really do that here?
>>
>> Nope. God'll get him for that.
>
> Which pantheism? I don't want the wrong
> one stuck with him.
I hate it when those pantyisms stick.
--
use hotmail for any email replies
Larry Krzewinski
And damn proud of it!
Larry Krzewinski
wrote:
>Larry Krzewinski wrote: A humourous joke.
>
>Mos asks: Can we really do that here?
It's against the bylaws and counts as ten demerits but who the heck is
gonna enforce it?
Tim Bruening
Larry Krzewinski wrote:
Chattering: Ring that talks as much as the donkey on Shrek.
MosZibby
> "MosZibby" <Naked@YourHouse> quoted and wrote in message
> news:105a7ht...@corp.supernews.com
>
>>>>> A humourous joke.
>>>>
>>>> Mos asks: Can we really do that here?
>>>
>>> Nope. God'll get him for that.
>>
>> Which pantheism? I don't want the wrong
>> one stuck with him.
>
> I hate it when those pantyisms stick.
Free floss with a unique flavour.
MosZibby
Well, Mel thinks he runs usenet......
Larry Krzewinski
wrote:
>>> Larry Krzewinski wrote: A humourous joke.
>>>
>>> Mos asks: Can we really do that here?
>>
>> It's against the bylaws and counts as ten demerits but who the heck is
>> gonna enforce it?
>
>Well, Mel thinks he runs usenet......
Mel is a legend in his own mind.
headdr
"Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:4055739E...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
Tittering: ouch
Dickering: double ouch
MosZibby
Wish he was just a rumour in our time.
Tim Bruening
headdr wrote:
Buffering: A ring that slays vampires.
Tim Bruening
headdr wrote:
Buffering: A ring that slays vampires.
Tim Bruening
Admitting: Bell confessional.
Admitting: Add another bell glove.
Gliding: Flying bell.
Granting: Bell that gives you money.
Griping: Complaining bell.
Looping: Bell that goes in circles.
Permitting: Price of a bell glove.
Planting: Green growing bell.
Plating: Dish bell.
Tim Bruening
Reverting: To ring the green bell again.
Sliding: Slippery bell.
Standing: Bell on two legs.
Submitting: Glove bell under water.
Subverting: Green bell under water.
Tasting: Food bell.
Tormenting: Pain bell.
Updating: Bell that gives you new information.
Wielding: Bell that can use a sword.
Welding: Bell that closes metal cracks.
Welding: Healthy bell.
Yielding: Bell that gives way.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Biplane: Flying homosexual with fixed wings.
Blimp: Flying obese person.
Intelligence: Smart insects.
Tim Bruening
Cer Ramic: Male sheep knight.
Tim Bruening
Submit: Very wet glove.
Subrosa: Underwater flowers.
Subtract: Underwater math.
Subvert: Green Submarine.
Tim Bruening
Donation: Nation with lots of female deer.
nemo
headdr <tmac...@tampabay.rr.com> wrote in message
news:nPs5c.267383$jH.33...@twister.tampabay.rr.com...
Lady Chatterley's Lover. He must have been deaf!
Tim Bruening
Larry Krzewinski wrote:
Chattering: Ring that talks as much as the donkey on Shrek.
Tim Bruening
Countryside. Murder of the environment.
Tim Bruening
Larry Krzewinski wrote:
Chattering: Ring that talks as much as the donkey on Shrek.
Tim Bruening
headdr wrote:
Buffering: A ring that slays vampires.
Tim Bruening
Larry Krzewinski wrote:
Chattering: Ring that talks as much as the donkey on Shrek.
Tim Bruening
headdr wrote:
Buffering: A ring that slays vampires.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Palema wrote:
> My daughter gave me this:
>
> "Mortar, morter everywhere and not a rock to chink!"
This pun is Da Bomb!
Tim Bruening
J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
news:a39b6017ln6tcl59t...@4ax.com...
> On 27 Mar 2004 10:53:13 GMT, johnnai...@aol.com (Johnnaishwerner)
found
> these unused words floating about:
>
> >A musician was recently hospitalized with a bad case of scherzophrenia.
> They administered too much medication and he lay in a coda for days.
Coda: Husband of Coma.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Soft fruit grown for quick profit: Convertible Currant-cy.
> (The Good Life)
How Sub Lime.
Tim Bruening
Probable: A likely male cow.
Probate: In favor of fishing.
Proceed: In favor of farming, or vases at a distance.
Proceeding: In favor of ocean bells, or farming bells.
Proclaim: In favor of taking possession of a homestead.
Proclaiming: In favor of taking possession of a Chinese vase.
Proclimax: In favor of orgasms.
Procure: In favor of medical care.
Procurable: In favor of healing sick male cows.
Prorate: In favor of movie rating systems.
Prorate: Price of hookers.
Tim Bruening
Product: In favor of pipes.
Proface: In favor of heads.
Profit: In favor of tailors.
Profitable: A male cow that makes money.
Profound: We have located a prostitute.
Profuse: In favor of bombs.
Prognostic: In favor of Gothic buildings.
Prograde: In favor of education.
Program: In favor of the metric system.
Tim Bruening
Projectile: Flying floor covering.
Prolate: In favor of tardiness.
Prologue: In favor of timber.
Prolong: In favor of objects of great length.
Promote: In favor of water around a castle.
Propane: In favor of windows.
Propane: In favor of sadism.
Propine: In favor of fir trees.
Propose: In favor of standing up straight.
Tim Bruening
Protestant: Non-Catholic ant.
Proto: In favor of the digits at the ends of feet.
Prototype: In favor of typing with said digits.
Protractor: In favor of farm machinery.
Provine: In favor of plants that cling to walls.
Provision: In favor of eyesight.
Tim Bruening
Content: Against camping.
Contrail: Against hiking.
Contour: Against French bicycle races.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Sritk <sr...@aol.com> wrote in message
> news:20040228003013...@mb-m27.aol.com...
> > Hate crime-how I feel about lawbreaking.
> > Hate speech-why I don't talk much.
> > Hate groups-why I don't belong to any clubs.
>
> Hateable: Why I eat on the floor.
> Hatefulness: Why I don't eat much.
Haiti: I don't like that drink.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Colleen sat on Max's pet rat and squashed it.
>
> The doc managed to resuscitate it with his thumb. Somebody said at least he
> didn't have to use mouth to mouth - and Sally chimed in: "Or mouse to
> mouse!"
Mouse to mouse: How to revive a computer.
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On 02 May 2004 22:05:41 GMT, johnnai...@aol.com (Johnnaishwerner) found
> these unused words floating about:
>
> >Question (on the telephone): Are you in Thailand?
> >Answer: Yes, Siam.
> Q: Bank OK?
Bangkok: Violent sex.
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> For many years the various sections of the Tate family were scattered far
> and wide. Finally, with the advent of cheap travel, they decided to get
> together enmasse. What no one forsaw was that they were all extremely
> amorous in nature.
>
> Soon they had all paired off and the hall resounded with shouts, calls and
> grunts. Forevermore it became known as the united Tate's congress.
Leading to the Baby Boom.
Baby Boom: Very loud infants.
nemo
Lady Chattering's Lover: Novel by DH Lawrence where when the heroine is not
bonking the gamekeeper, she's a right yakhneh!
Lady Chitterling's Lover: A gamekeeper who folows a truly offal diet of
pigs' guts.
nemo
Opera Buffo: Staged at the end of railway line.
nemo
> Concreate: Against a certain island disputed by Greece and Turkey.
That's Cypress! Just look for a West Indian called Cy with a flat head!
nemo
Sounds like an Italian High Scream, probably from one of the faygelekh who
mince around Sicily!
nemo
CODEC: Floor or platform on a ship where the Enigma machine was used.
nemo
nemo
Probate: A punter with a fat wallet.
nemo
Profuse: In favour of electrical protection devices.
nemo
Promise: In favour of the appauling.
nemo
Proatlas: Hates headgear.
http://www.onelook.com/?w=proatlas
Probed: Very lazy indeed.
nemo
I've never ridden a French bicycle.
Raleigh?
That's right.
nemo
nemo
defibrillator.
nemo
Bangor: What's thrown all over the place when someone's abdomen explodes.
nemo
Narr. Infant travelling across the delivery room at >760MPH.
That mum must have had *some* muscles!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Hatred: Don't like the color of stop lights and stop signs.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Is that the baby of Superman?
nemo
nemo
Hateful: An anorexic.
>
Tim Bruening
But Superman is invulnerable to everything but Kryptonite, so
shouldn't his baby also be invulnerable, and go right through the
wall?
nemo
Tim Bruening <tsbr...@dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:a69c46fe.04070...@posting.google.com...
There was a trace of Krypton in the mum's gas-and-air mixture. They wouldn't
give her an epiderailleur because she wasn't a cyclist.
They stopped adding Neon because the babies kept coming out bright orange.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Hte Trasme wrote:
> On 26 Jan 2004 02:21:13 GMT, johnnai...@aol.com (Johnnaishwerner)
> wrote:
>
> >Did you hear about the furniture maker who sent his daughter to finishing
> >school?
>
> If not, wooden you like to?
Finishing: End of the song.
Tim Bruening
"Cybe R. Wizard" wrote:
> On Mon, 26 Jan 2004 08:14:39 +0000
> SFA <bat_ou...@velo.com> wrote:
>
> > Cybe R. Wizard typed::
> > > On Mon, 26 Jan 2004 02:57:38 GMT
> > > "Cybe R. Wizard" <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> wrote:
> > >
> > >
> > >>On 26 Jan 2004 02:21:13 GMT
> > >>johnnai...@aol.com (Johnnaishwerner) wrote:
> > >>
> > >>>Did you hear about the furniture maker who sent his daughter to
> > >>>finishing school?
> > >>
> > >>He was hoping she would varnish for good.
> > >>
> > >>Cybe R. Wizard
> > >
> > > He never expected that she'd lacquer requirements, even though her
> > > name was Lindsey Doyle. Plus, at her interview, she rubbed the
> > > board wrong, a permanent stain on the family name.
> > >
> > > Cybe R. Wizard
> > >
> > Better stop before you go completely against the grain, Cybe.
>
> > SFA.
>
> Greetings and salutations! Did you come to steel? Wool you stay?
Steel Wool: Comes from iron sheep.
Tim Bruening
Ireland: An angry nation.
Poland: Land of the public opinion polls.
Tim Bruening
Thailand: Nation of neck wear.
Burma: A Chile female parent.
nemo
Bye laws: Consumer rights legislation.
nemo
That'd be finish sing. By the same Tolkien . .
Finistere: Ceasing to gaze intently upon someone.
nemo
And a mixture of aluminum powder and iron oxide comes from Thermit the Frog!
nemo
> China: The dinnerware nation.
>
> Thailand: Nation of neck wear.
>
> Burma: A Chile female parent.
Neckwear is one word.
Chad: Nation of corrupt voting.
Chile: Cold country.
Nicaragua: Where women wear rags instead of panties and keep them in a large
decorated pitcher. What team he plays for, I've no eye deer.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Thermit: A hot glove.
nemo
It's what they weld railway lines together with, using a sort of steel and
ceramic funnel-shaped crucible that bolts onto the track. They pour in the
powder, set it off with an Ox Eye Ass ETA Lean torch and stand back and
watch the fireworks!
One chap got some in his boot, and he had to run hot-foot to the fire
station to get it put out!
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
headdr wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4055739E...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> Buffering: A naked ring.
>
> Tittering: ouch
>
> Dickering: double ouch
Buffering: A ring that slays vampires.
Tim Bruening
J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
news:a39b6017ln6tcl59t...@4ax.com...
> On 27 Mar 2004 10:53:13 GMT, johnnai...@aol.com (Johnnaishwerner)
found
> these unused words floating about:
>
> They administered too much medication and he lay in a coda for days.
Coda: Husband of Coma.
Tim Bruening
JHines7734 wrote:
> A comedian has developed a new perfume, SCENTS OF HUMOR.
Can I buy it for a penny?
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Soft fruit grown for quick profit: Convertible Currant-cy.
> (The Good Life)
How Sub Lime.
Tim Bruening
Probable: A likely male cow.
Probate: In favor of fishing.
Proceed: In favor of farming, or vases at a distance.
Proceeding: In favor of ocean bells, or farming bells.
Proclaim: In favor of taking possession of a homestead.
Proclaiming: In favor of taking possession of a Chinese vase.
Proclimax: In favor of orgasms.
Procure: In favor of medical care.
Procurable: In favor of healing sick male cows.
Prorate: In favor of movie rating systems.
Prorate: Price of hookers.
Tim Bruening
Product: In favor of pipes.
Proface: In favor of heads.
Profit: In favor of tailors.
Profitable: A male cow that makes money.
Profound: We have located a prostitute.
Profuse: In favor of bombs.
Prognostic: In favor of Gothic buildings.
Prograde: In favor of education.
Program: In favor of the metric system.
Tim Bruening
Projectile: Flying floor covering.
Prolate: In favor of tardiness.
Prologue: In favor of timber.
Prolong: In favor of objects of great length.
Promote: In favor of water around a castle.
Propane: In favor of windows.
Propane: In favor of sadism.
Propine: In favor of fir trees.
Propose: In favor of standing up straight.
Tim Bruening
Protestant: Non-Catholic ant.
Proto: In favor of the digits at the ends of feet.
Prototype: In favor of typing with said digits.
Protractor: In favor of farm machinery.
Provine: In favor of plants that cling to walls.
Provision: In favor of eyesight.
nemo
Verbose: Hi-Fi that talks too much.
(It's crap, actually.)
nemo
Buffalo: Greeting used by Naturists.
nemo
What a sad tail.
nemo
>
>
> JHines7734 wrote:
>
> > A comedian has developed a new perfume, SCENTS OF HUMOR.
>
> Can I buy it for a penny?
The medical profession have lost their sense of humour. They just call the
fluids in the eye the Aqueous and the Vitreous now.
nemo
. . . and quite exstrawberry!
nemo
Semipro: Half a hooker.
Pro Bono: The result of a hooker stripping off.
nemo
Proceeding: In favour of sewing.
nemo
Prospect: The result of hookers plying their trade too close to some
seagulls' nests.
nemo
Process: In favour of crude, old-fashioned sewerage disposal systems.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Verbal: Male bovine that talks like the Shrek donkey.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Like in Zimbabwe?
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Why wasn't there water standing by?
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Thermit: A hot glove.
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On 11 Aug 2004 08:41:50 GMT, Hauke Reddmann <fc3...@uni-hamburg.de> found
> these unused words floating about:
>
> >Hauke Reddmann <fc3...@uni-hamburg.de> wrote:
> >> Hauke Reddmann <fc3...@uni-hamburg.de> wrote:
> >>> I bought a book on the theme. It's published by
> >>> Random House.
> >
> >> On second thought, I get "Antarctica Touring" by Penguin Books.
> >
> >Boss cancelled the holidays. So now it's "Trips for Weekends"
> >by Doubleday.
>
> Be careful ... pretty soon it'll be "Out To Pasture" by Barns & Noble at
> that!
Tora, Tora by Tor Books?
nemo
Aha! The Pentateuch in stereo!