New bird?

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Martha

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Jan 12, 1995, 2:06:00 PM1/12/95
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Debbi, YES these creatures are fascinating! Every day is a new deal for us.
Just think: Everywhere, this same thing is happening in homes all across the
land...birds are saying cute stuff, and parents are proud. Gee, nice to be in
such a good company! Vincent is a blast! Thanks for the reply.

--- Where Friends Meet!!
* Origin: The Recovery Corner *RecoverNet* [817] 447-1619 (1:130/911)

Jim Harrison

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Jan 12, 1995, 2:32:00 PM1/12/95
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DM>He whistles "Dixie", and will "wolf whistle" at you,
DM>as well as say Pretty Bird, and then sometimes gets stuck
DM>on just the Pretty part.

Chez also does a mean "wolf whistle". Is there anyway to attach WAV files
to our mail so we can compare?

DM>And when you
DM>say "Do Eagle" will spread his wings out like an eagle.
DM>These little creatures are a trip.

I agree. I just want to know why your bird will do stuff like that, and
mine won't. The only way I can get him to do that trick is when I take
him into the shower with me (he hate's the spray bottle technique)

DM>My Conure (Neffie) will make kissing noises at you, and we
DM>haven't figured out if he learned that from us, or from
DM>Roady because Roady will also make kissing noises at you,
DM>and will also imitate my daughter sneezing.

Chez has also learned the kissing noise, although most people wouldn't
recognize it. He's also learned to imitate *our* imitations of *him*..
most notably his "dir-dip" chirp as we call it. It's hysterical.

___ WinQwk 2.0b#0

--- Maximus/2 2.01wb
* Origin: AviTechnic BBS (1:261/662)

William J. Evans

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Jan 13, 1995, 12:35:18 AM1/13/95
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mar...@bigbird.com (Martha) wrote:
: Every day is a new deal for us.

Hear that, Newt?

--
Bill Evans P.O. Box 4829 Irvine, CA 92716 (714)551-2766 _ /| ACK!
Email-To: w...@acm.org -- PGP encrypted mail preferred. -- \`o_O' /
Finger w...@netcom.com for public key (and Geek code). =( )=
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Yumi

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Jan 16, 1995, 11:01:34 PM1/16/95
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Hi;

Can someone send me a list of Yo' mama jokes please?

The only one I remember is: Yo' mama's so fat that when she cuts
herself, she bleeds cottage cheese (or
something like that)

Thanks.

Yumi

Margaret Chatfield

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Jan 17, 1995, 7:36:00 PM1/17/95
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Yumi writes:
>
> Hi;
>
> Can someone send me a list of Yo' mama jokes please?
>
Tried, but yo' mail bounced...

T. E. Wemlinger

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Jan 17, 1995, 11:41:10 PM1/17/95
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Yumi (al...@oci.utoronto.ca) wrote:
: Can someone send me a list of Yo' mama jokes please?

(Here we go again . . .)

Yo' mama so fat it say on her driver's license "Picture continued on back"
Yo' mama so fat she think a balanced meal is a ham in each hand
Yo' mama so stupid she think "innuendo" is an Italian suppository

. . . ad nauseam

Margaret Chatfield

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Jan 18, 1995, 4:48:44 PM1/18/95
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From: d...@uiuc.edu (Ted Liu)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: yo momma! (1/2)
Date: Mon, 5 Dec 1994 13:11:43 -0600
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>Yo momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up
>Yo momma so fat her nickname is "DAMN"
>Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
>Yo momma so fat were in her right now
>Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise
>Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone
>Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors
>Yo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her...
>Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then
new world
>Yo momma so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy
>Yo momma so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
>Yo momma so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions!
>Yo momma so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
>Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
>Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
>Yo momma so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway
>Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
>Yo momma so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
>Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
>Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
>Yo momma so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
>Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
>Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"
>Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
>Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.
>Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
>Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.
>Yo momma so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!
>Yo momma so fat she's got her own area code!
>Yo momma so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!
>Yo momma so fat God couldn't light Earth till she moved!
>Yo momma so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
>Yo momma so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
>Yo momma so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...
>Yo momma so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.
>Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
>Yo momma so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!
>Yo momma so fat you have to roll her ass in flour and look for the wet spot
to fuck her!
>Yo momma so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the
bitches good side!
>Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections!
>Yo momma so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
>Yo momma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george
washington's nose.
>Yo momma so fat she was mistaken for God's bowling ball!
>Yo momma so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!
>Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
>Yo momma so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!
>Yo momma so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!
>Yo momma so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
>Yo momma so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!
>Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family!
>Yo momma so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!
>Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
>Yo momma so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!
>Yo momma so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!
>Yo momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
>Yo momma so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!
>Yo momma so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!
>Yo momma so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
>Yo momma so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's
wearin tights!
>Yo momma so fat she got hit by a parked car!
>Yo momma so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
>Yo momma so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!
>Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
>Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"
>Yo momma so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway!
>Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!
>Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th
>Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps she pulls down the bridge too
>Yo momma so fat she steps on a scale & it goes one at a time please
>Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it!
>Yo momma so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck!
>Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.
>Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
>Yo momma so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping
>Yo momma so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping,
they hit the ground.
>Yo momma so fat when she back up she beep.
>Yo momma so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
>Yo momma so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
>Yo momma so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get
up again.
>Yo momma so fat she influences the tides.
>Yo momma so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
>Yo momma so fat she broke her leg and gravy fell out.
>Yo momma so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
>Yo momma so fat she was baptized at Marine World.
>Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family!
>Yo momma so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
>Yo momma so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her
>Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones.
>Yo momma so fat I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.
>Yo momma so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she
had on flip flops.
>Yo momma so fat shes on both sides of the family
>Yo momma so fat it takes her two trips to haul ass
>Yo momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the
other side just to get her through
>Yo momma so fat when the bitch goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have
to install speed bumps.
>Yo momma so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.
>Yo momma so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.
>Yo momma so fat she cant reach her back pocket.
>Yo momma so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to
land on her back!
>Yo momma so fat her college graduation picture was an airial.
>Yo momma so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back
in the water
>Yo momma so fat she broke her leg and gravy poured out
>Yo momma so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth
>Yo momma so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures
>Yo momma so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.
>Yo momma so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her
waist they spelled out boulevard.
>Yo momma so fat she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George
Washington's nose.
>Yo momma so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.
>Yo momma so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
>Yo momma so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and
tries to tow her back into the ocean.....
>Yo momma so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the
bike across the moon, the bitch caused an eclipse.
>Yo momma so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.
>Yo momma so fat she was baptised in the ocean.
>Yo momma so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway.
>Yo momma so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a
tunnel when they want to clean it.
>Yo momma so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"
>Yo momma so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green
arrow!
>Yo momma so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
>Yo momma so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her
farts!!!
>Yo momma so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we
dressed her as a Chevrolet.
>
>=-> SO STUPID,
>Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
>Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she
went home and got 16 friends
>Yo momma so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran
outside with a spoon
>Yo momma so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because
she couldn't read
>Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind
>Yo momma so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl
>Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!
>Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
>Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!
>Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!
>Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!
>Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!
>Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
>Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
>Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.
>Yo momma so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.
>Yo momma so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911"
>Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
>Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below
the dotted line she put "O.K."
>Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.
>Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread.
>Yo momma so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.
>Yo momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.
>Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
>Yo momma so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize
winners.
>Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
>Yo momma so stupid when asked on an application, "Sex?", she marked, "M, F
and sometimes Wednesday too."
>Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
>Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!
>Yo momma so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl
>Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
>Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!
>Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!
>Yo momma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
>Yo momma so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.
>Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice
instead.
>Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.
>Yo momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.
>Yo momma so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.
>Yo momma so stupid that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put
"Hooked on Phonics."
>Yo momma so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.
>Yo momma so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead, talking about she was
trying to makeup her mind.
>Yo momma so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.
>
>=-> SO UGLY,
>Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no
professionals."
>Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
>Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a
treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
>Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
>Yo momma so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower
>Yo momma so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star
Wars.
>Yo momma so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they
put it around her neck
>Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
>Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence
cameras
>Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
>Yo momma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs
to play with her.
>Yo momma so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say
"Damn, is it Halloween already?"
>Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
>Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
>Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
>Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.
>Yo momma so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower!
>Yo momma so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. .
.for a quote!
>Yo momma so ugly they put her in dough and made monster cookies!


--
I'm me, you're you
email d...@uiuc.edu
finger for PGP key

Margaret Chatfield

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Jan 18, 1995, 4:50:07 PM1/18/95
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From: d...@uiuc.edu (Ted Liu)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: yo momma (2/2)

Date: Mon, 5 Dec 1994 13:12:24 -0600
Organization: .
Lines: 271
Message-ID: <dcn.13....@uiuc.edu>

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>Yo momma so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
>Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!
>Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
>Yo momma so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn't date her!
>Yo momma so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
>Yo momma so ugly she had to get her baby drunk to breastfeed it!
>Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
>Yo momma so ugly The NHL banned her for life
>Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!
>Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday!
>Yo momma so ugly if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects!

>Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints

>Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry!
>Yo momma so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
>Yo momma so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to
bury her.
>Yo momma so ugly she scares the roaches away.
>Yo momma so ugly we have to tie a steak around your neck so the dog will
play with her!
>Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

>Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.

>Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he
doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
>
>=-> SO OLD,
>Yo momma so old I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.
>Yo momma so old she has Jesus' beeper number!
>Yo momma so old her social security number is 1!
>Yo momma so old that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch'
>Yo momma so old that when she was in school there was no history class.
>Yo momma so old she owes Jesus 3 bucks!
>Yo momma so old she's in Jesus's yearbook!
>Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
>Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it.
>Yo momma so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
>Yo momma so old she owes Jesus a nickel.
>Yo momma so old when God said "Let their be light", she flipped the switch.
>Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
>Yo momma so old she ran track with dinosaurs.
>Yo momma so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
>Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
>Yo momma so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.
>Yo momma so old and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and
said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything".
>
>=-> SO POOR,
>Yo momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her
what she was doing, she said "Moving."
>Yo momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention!
>Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!
>Yo momma so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's
fingers!!!
>Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"
>Yo momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.
>Yo momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.
>Yo momma so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.
>Yo momma so poor she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's
fingers.
>Yo momma so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp.
>Yo momma so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What
ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."
>Yo momma so poor she drives a peanut.
>Yo momma so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air
conditioning.
>
>=-> SO DARK,
>Yo momma so dark she went to night school and was marked absent!
>Yo momma so dark she spits chocolate milk!
>Yo momma so dark she went to night school and was marked absent.
>Yo momma so dark that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.
>Yo momma so dark she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls
to keep from eating her fingers.
>
>=-> SO DIRTY,
>Yo momma so dirty she has to creep up on bathwater.
>
>=-> SO SHORT,
>Yo momma so short she poses for trophies!
>Yo momma so short you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!
>Yo momma so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
>Yo momma so short she can play handball on the curb.
>Yo momma so short she does backflips under the bed.
>Yo momma so short she models for trophys.
>
>=-> SO NASTY,
>Yo momma so nasty when she goes to a hair salon, she told the stylist to
cut her hair and she opened up her shirt
>Yo momma so nasty She gotta put ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh!
>Yo momma so nasty she made speed stick slow down.
>Yo momma so nasty she brings crabs to the beach
>Yo momma so nasty she made right guard turn left.
>Yo momma so nasty the fishery be paying her to leave
>Yo momma so nasty she has to creep up on bathwater.
>Yo momma so nasty that her sh*t is glad to escape.
>Yo momma so nasty Ozzie Ozbourne refused to bite her head off
>Yo momma so nasty that pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs
fresh.
>Yo momma so nasty I called her for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.
>
>=-> IS LIKE,
>Yo momma like potato chips-- Fri-to Lay
>Yo momma like a screen door, after a couple bangs she tends to loosen up!
>Yo momma like the pillbury doughboy - everyone gets a poke!
>Yo momma like a doorknob - everyone gets a turn!
>Yo momma like a T.V. set, even a three year old can turn her on!
>Yo momma like a doorknob, everyone gets a turn!
>Yo momma like a bus, fifty cents and she's ready to ride!
>Yo momma like a golf course, everyone GETS a hole in one!
>Yo momma like the railway system, she gets laid all over the country!
>Yo momma like a tomato source bottle, everyone gets a squeeze out of her!
>Yo momma like a shotgun: one cock and she blows!
>Yo momma like a hardware store: 4 cents a screw!
>Yo momma like Domino's pizza-- Something for nothing
>Yo momma like a refridgerator: everyone likes to put their meat in her!
>Yo momma like cake mix, 15 servings per package!
>Yo momma like a rifle... four cocks and she's loaded.
>Yo momma like a bowling ball. She's picked up, fingered, and then thrown
in the gutter.
>Yo momma like a bus: Guys climb on and off her all day long.
>Yo momma like a Toyota: "Oh what a feelin'!"
>Yo momma like Orange Crush: "Good Vibrations!"
>Yo momma like a bubble-gum machine... five cents a blow.
>Yo momma like chinese food: sweet, sour and cheap!
>Yo momma like a vaccuum cleaner.....a real good suck.
>
>=-> SO HAIRY,
>Yo momma so hairy you almost died of rugburn at birth!
>Yo momma so hairy she's got afros on her nipples!
>Yo momma so hairy she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.
>Yo momma so hairy Bigfoot is taking her picture!
>Yo momma so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls
her Hair Jordan.
>
>=-> SO SLUTTY,
>Yo momma so slutty she could suck-start a Harley!
>Yo momma so slutty she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball!
>Yo momma so slutty when she got a new mini skirt, everyone commented on her
nice belt!
>Yo momma so slutty she was on the cover of wheaties, with her legs open,
and it said "breakfast of the champs"
>Yo momma so slutty that I could've been your daddy, but the guy in line
behind me had the correct change.
>Yo momma so slutty she had her own "Hands across her ass" charity drive
>Yo momma so slutty that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO she thought
she was getting it three times.
>Yo momma so slutty I fucked her and I's a chick!
>Yo momma so slutty she blind and seeing another man.
>
>=-> NOSE SO BIG,
>Yo momma nose so big you can go bowling with her boogers!
>Yo momma nose so big she makes Pinochio look like a cat!
>
>=-> SO GREASY,
>Yo momma so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid!
>Yo momma so greasy she sweats Crisco!
>Yo momma so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her
>
>=-> TEETH SO YELLOW,
>Yo momma teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!
>Yo momma teeth are so yellow she spits butter!
>
>=-> SO LAZY,
>Yo momma so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two
jobs.
>
>=-> SO SKINNY,
>Yo momma so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio
>Yo momma so skinny she has to wear a belt with spandex.
>Yo momma so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared.
>
>=-> SO BALD,
>Yo momma so bald even a wig wouldn't help!
>Yo momma so bald you can see whats on her mind
>Yo momma so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed.
>
>=-> SO TALL,
>Yo momma so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.
>Yo momma so tall she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.
>Yo momma so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.
>
>=-> SO FLAT,
>Yo momma so flat she's jealous of the wall!
>
>=-> GLASSES SO THICK,
>Yo momma's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can see
people waving.
>Yo momma's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.
>
>=-> HAS,
>Yo momma has an afro with a chin strap.
>Yo momma has one leg and a bicycle.
>Yo momma has 4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses.
>Yo momma has so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.
>Yo momma has one hand and a Clapper.
>Yo momma has a wooden afro with an "X" carved in the back.
>Yo momma has green hair and thinks she's a tree.
>Yo momma has one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying.
>Yo momma has a 'fro with warning lights.
>Yo momma has 10 fingers--all on the same hand.
>Yo momma has a glass eye with a fish in it.
>Yo momma has a short leg and walks in circles.
>Yo momma has a short arm and can't applaude.
>
>=-> GOT,
>Yo momma got so many freckles she looks like a hamburger!
>Yo momma got two wooden legs and one is one backward.
>Yo momma got three fingers and a banjo.
>Yo momma got a wooden leg with a kickstand on it.
>Yo momma got a bald head with a part and sideburns.
>Yo momma got a' afro, wit' a chin strap!!!!
>Yo momma got a wooden leg with branches.
>Yo momma got so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.
>Yo momma got a metal afro with rusty sideburns.
>
>=-> HOUSE SO SMALL,
>Yo momma house so small that when she orders a large pizza she had to go
outside to eat it.
>Yo momma house so small she has to go outside to eat a large pizza.
>Yo momma house so small you have to go outside to change your mind.
>
>=-> HOUSE SO DIRTY,
>Yo momma house so dirty roaches ride around on dune buggies!
>Yo momma house so dirty she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.
>
>=-> HAIR SO SHORT,
>Yo momma hair so short when she braided it they looked like stiches.
>Yo momma hair so short she curls it with rice.
>
>=-> HEAD SO BIG,
>Yo momma head so big she has to step into her shirts.
>Yo momma head so big it shows up on radar.
>
>=-> HEAD SO SMALL,
>Yo momma head so small she use a tea-bag as a pillow.
>Yo momma head so small that she got her ear pierced and died.
>
>=-> MISC,
>Yo momma wears knee-pads and yells "Curb Service!"
>Yo momma feet are so big her shoes have to have license plates!
>Yo momma aint so bad...she would give you the hair off of her back!
>Yo momma lips so big, Chap Stick had to invent a spray.
>It took yo momma 10 tries to get her drivers license, she couldnt get used
to the front seat!
>You were born out of your mother's arse 'cos her cunt was too busy.
>Yo momma hips are so big, people set their drinks on them.
>Yo momma hair so nappy she has to take Tylenol just to comb it.
>Yo momma so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone.
>Yo momma so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on.
>Yo momma twice the man you are.
>Yo momma cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo.
>Yo momma is missing a finger and can't count past 9.
>Yo momma arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.
>Yo momma middle name is Rambo.
>Yo momma in a wheelchair and says, "You ain't gonna puch me 'round no more."
>Yo momma rouchy, the McDonalds she works in doesn't even serve Happy Meals.
>Yo momma so stupid was born on Independence Day and can't remember her
birthday.
>If my dog had a face as ugly as your momma's, I'd shave his ass and make
him walk backwards.
>Yo momma mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound.
>Yo momma gums are so black she spits Yoo-hoo.
>Yo momma breath smell so bad when she yawns her teeth duck.
>I saw your momma at the freak show petting the world's largest turtle.
>I saw your momma kicking a can down the street. I asked her what she was
doing, and she said "Moving."
>Yo momma teeth are so rotten, when she smiles they look like dice.

Lars Friend

unread,
Jan 20, 1995, 4:30:45 PM1/20/95
to
Ok. Here are some:

Your mama is so ugly that when she looks at a glass of milk, it turns to
cheese.

Your mama is so ugly that when she jumped off the diving board, the pool
got out of the way.

Your mama is so fat that when she takes a walk, it measures 2.7 on the
Richter scale.

Your mama is so stupid thatif she fell off a bridge she's have to ask
directions on the way down.

Your mama smells so bad that not even a dog would go near her.

Your mama is so ugly she couldn't get laid in a prison with a fist full
of pardons.

Your mama is so fat that the only way your dad managed to fuck her was to
slap her ass and ride the waves...

Oh wel. Those are all that I remember currently...

Justiss

unread,
Jan 25, 1995, 4:37:55 PM1/25/95
to
In article <XLX9yc...@color.ithaca.ny.us>, lars...@color.ithaca.ny.us (Lars Friend) says:
>
>Yumi <al...@oci.utoronto.ca> writes:
>> Hi;
>> Can someone send me a list of Yo' mama jokes please?
Yo mama is so dumb, she asked me what letter came after x and I said y
and she said cuz she wanted to know!

Yo mama teeth is so yellow, when she close her mouth, her stomach lights
up.

Yo mama's butt is SO hairy, she has to part the crack to crap.

v070...@ubvms.cc.buffalo.edu

unread,
Jan 26, 1995, 1:30:11 PM1/26/95
to
>Here's one that I love,
>
>Your mama's breath is so bad, 9 out of 10 dentists recommend that she rinse
with Summer's Eve.

swi...@delphi.com

unread,
Jan 27, 1995, 11:44:27 PM1/27/95
to
your mama's so fat in school she would stand up , turn around
and erase all the black boards.
your mama's so skinney she has to run around in the shower to
get wet
your mama's so skinney she got a run in her hose an dshe fell
out

if you're looking for jokes talk to a drummer in a highschool
band!

Marguerite Schmidt

unread,
Feb 1, 1995, 5:54:34 PM2/1/95
to
Here is some yo' mama jokes....

yo' mama is so...

...fat that when she wakes up in the morning and tries to get out of be,
she rocks herself back to bed.

...fat that she was baptised at Seaworld.

...fat that she jumped up and got stuck.

...fat she's on BOTH sides of the family.

...fat she has more chins than chinatown.(sorry to offend, I am a quarter
chinese myself.)

STELLLLAAAA!!!!

unread,
Feb 1, 1995, 10:42:08 PM2/1/95
to
On 25 Jan 1995, Justiss wrote:

> In article <XLX9yc...@color.ithaca.ny.us>, lars...@color.ithaca.ny.us (Lars Friend) says:


yo mama's teeth's so yellow i can't believe it's not butter>

DR. ROCKET

unread,
Feb 4, 1995, 5:00:49 PM2/4/95
to

<scal...@minerva.cis.yale.edu> writes:
> yo mama's teeth's so yellow i can't believe it's not butter


YO' MAMA SMELLS SO FISHY I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT TUNA.


- DR. ROCKET
free-lance gynecologist.

GREENE, ERWIN EDGAR

unread,
Feb 5, 1995, 6:26:00 PM2/5/95
to

Yo mama is so black, when she puts on vaseline, she looks like patent
leather.
>.


ERWIN E. GREENE
COMPUTER LAB TECH.

*********************************************
* EDUCATION IS OUR PASSPORT TO THE FUTURE, *
* FOR TOMORROW BELONGS TO THE PEOPLE WHO *
* PREPARE FOR IT TODAY. *
* EL-HAJJ MALIK EL-SHABAZZ (MALCOLM X) *
*********************************************

klh...@umiami.ir.miami.edu

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Feb 7, 1995, 4:14:28 AM2/7/95
to
Your mama is so ungy, she had to tie a steak around her neck so that
the dog would play with her!
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