humorous toasts

[mulb...@triton.unm.edu]

Does anybody know any humorous and, maybe,bawdy
drinking "toasts"?

An example would be:

Here's to heat!
Not the devastating kind that burns down shanties,
but the tantalizing kind that pulls down panties!

[James A Demes]

Here's one:

Here's to you, here's to me
May we never disagree
But it we do, FUCK YOU
Here's to me.

--
UU UU Jim Demes (de...@brahms.udel.edu or de...@freezer.cns.udel.edu)
UU UU 1106 Christiana West Tower /----------------------------------|
UU DDDDDDD Newark, DE 19717-7814 / |
UUUUUUUU DD (302) 837-1736 / FOR RENT - CALL NOW! |
DD DD / |
DDDDDDD /--------------------------------------|

[BRENT COLE PERRY]

mulb...@triton.unm.edu writes:

>Does anybody know any humorous and, maybe,bawdy
>drinking "toasts"?

How about this one from Anton Jackson (the homeless character on "In Living
Color"):

May yo' whiskey be cold,
An' yo' women be hot,
An' all yo' problems slide right off;
Jes' like snot!

Brent

"Dere it iz!"

[Joe Fleming]

>Does anybody know any humorous and, maybe,bawdy
>drinking "toasts"?
>

One of my favorites:

Here's to good friends... (pause so all will think about the beer commercial)
...and to you guys too!

Joe Fleming

[Phil Batey]

Here's to honor...
Get on her and stay on her.
--
Phil

[Michael Branciforte]

Here's to the heat ...
Not the heat that heats shacks and shanties,
but the heat that drops bras and panties.

also

Here's to it ...
Birds do it, Bees do it and die,
Dog's do it and get hung to it
So why don't you and I?
--

Disclaimer: "If I don't know I don't know, I think I know.
If I don't know I know, I think I don't know." - R.D. Laing

This of course constitutes no agreement between myself and my employer.

[Jeff Johnson]

In article <bwx...@lynx.unm.edu> mulb...@triton.unm.edu writes:

=>Does anybody know any humorous and, maybe,bawdy
=>drinking "toasts"?
=>
=>An example would be:
=>
=>Here's to heat!
=>Not the devastating kind that burns down shanties,
=>but the tantalizing kind that pulls down panties!

From my fraternity days...

Here's to space!
When God made man, He made him out of string.
He had a little left, so He left a little "thing"
When God made woman, He made her out of lace.
He didn't have quite enough, so He left a little "space"
Here's to space!
--
Jeff Johnson | Ultra Network Technologies | voice: (408) 922-0100 x284
je...@ultra.com | 101 Daggett Drive | fax: (408) 433-9287
...ames!ultra!jeffj | San Jose, CA 95134 | sex: (900) 976-4825
The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care

[clifford anthony bailey]

To the three F's of life:
Fame Fortune and Fast women

[Ilana Stern]

Or the military (Army?) toast:

Here's to our wives and our girlfriends --
May they never meet!

Maybe we need a PC version, though.

Here's to our spouses and our SO's --

Naah.

--
/\ Ilana Stern DOD#009|"I can say from experience that I've never been
\_][ il...@ncar.ucar.edu|killed while not wearing a helmet, nor while
\______________________|wearing one." Tod Johnson, tjoh...@prime.com

[Maurice E. Suhre]

Many many years ago, Playboy had a whole bunch of them. I remember one.

Here's to those who wish us well.
Those who don't can go to blazes.

(or hell, if you prefer).
--
Maurice Suhre
su...@trwrb.dsd.trw.com

[Robert Andracsek]

Here's to you and here's to me,
May we never disagree,
But if we do,
Here's to me.

R. Andracsek

[Paul A. Karlin]

In article <bwx...@lynx.unm.edu> mulb...@triton.unm.edu () writes:
>Does anybody know any humorous and, maybe,bawdy
>drinking "toasts"?

Well, I have a friend who everyone calls Toast. He's kind of humorous
and he does drink occasionally (so he's a drinking Toast)... Does that
count?

:-)

--Paul Karlin

*******************************************************************************
Carnegie Mellon University -- Pittsburgh, PA -- Undergraduate Class of 1994

[hart...@vxd.mdcbbs.com]

Here's to Wars and Revolution
Here's to Whore's and Prostitution
Here's to horses that don't quit buckin
and them good old gals that don't quit....
--
*******************************************************************************
* Disclaimer: *
* That's my story and I'm stickin to it! *
* *
*******************************************************************************
* | *
* Tom Hartnett - VMS Platform | Laissez le bon temps roulez *
* EDS - Unigraphics | (Let the good times roll) *
* Cypress, Ca. 90630 | Stolen from Edwin Edwards *
* hart...@mdcbbs.com | *
*******************************************************************************

[mcswe...@memstvx1.memst.edu]

In article <1992Jan29.1...@ncsu.edu>, bcp...@eos.ncsu.edu (BRENT COLE PERRY) writes:
> mulb...@triton.unm.edu writes:
>
>>Does anybody know any humorous and, maybe,bawdy
>>drinking "toasts"?
>

> This is one that is written on a plaque at my grandmothers house.

I drank to your health at my wedding,
I drank to your health in my home,
I've drank to your health so many damn times,
I've almost ruined my own.

[Bruce Hayek]

In the right conditions, this one's good to bust a crowd up:

The dew may kiss the morning grass,
The clock may kiss the hours past,
A Knight may kiss a maiden lass,
And you my friends... drink hardy!

[Sam Crivello]

Here's to Birthdays!
Birthdays come once a year.
Aren't you glad your not a birthday!

If you survive that one...

A toast for a female:
I'm not much of a drinker,
usually two at the most.
Ater one I'm under the table,
after two I'm under the host.

cheers!

[Rick Scherer]

Friends may come, and friends may go.
Friends may peter out, you know.
But I'll be yours through thick or thin,
Peter out or peter in.

[John Yurchevich]

I heard this one many years ago:

Here's to you,
And here's to me.
If by chance we disagree,
Screw you,
And here's to me.

[Arthur Bernard Byrne]

In article <1992Feb4.1...@miavx1.acs.muohio.edu> ammi...@miavx1.acs.muohio.edu (Peaches!) writes:

>In article <1992Jan31....@memstvx1.memst.edu>, mcswe...@memstvx1.memst.edu writes:
>> In article <1992Jan29.1...@ncsu.edu>, bcp...@eos.ncsu.edu (BRENT COLE PERRY) writes:
>>> mulb...@triton.unm.edu writes:
>>>>Does anybody know any humorous and, maybe,bawdy
>>>>drinking "toasts"?

>here are a couple more you might enjoy:
>(remeber, gender is interchangeable)
>
> Here's to the men that we love
> Here's to the men that love us
> Since the men that we love aren't the men that love us
> F*** them all and here's to us!!!!!!
>
>also:
>
> Here's to what we want
> Here's to what we need
> s'long as we don't get what we deserve!!!!!
>
>
>any more? we are always looking for new credible reasons to drink...not that
>we need them!! :*)

*HIC*
Pleash, no mohhh. Ihm ghettim sick of the inkahal. (HIC!)

AB^2

o
o
o o
\ /
\-------/
\ /
\ /
\ /
V
|
|
|
____A____

>
>~~~~~Peaches

[joev dubach]

In article <kohbp...@maggie.cs.widener.edu> an...@cs.widener.edu (Robert Andracsek) writes:

Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.0-3 14/03/90 VAX/VMS V5.4; site husc3.harvard.edu
Path: husc-news.harvard.edu!hsdndev!wupost!uunet!hela.iti.org!widener!news
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: humorous toasts
Message-ID: <kohbp...@maggie.cs.widener.edu>
From: an...@cs.widener.edu (Robert Andracsek)
Date: 31 Jan 92 02:06:32 GMT
References: <bwx...@lynx.unm.edu> <1992Jan29.1...@auto-trol.com> <1992Jan29....@gumby.dsd.TRW.COM>
Distribution: usa
Organization: Widener University Department of Computer Science, Chester PA
NNTP-Posting-Host: maggie.cs.widener.edu
Lines: 18

R. Andracsek

Here's to you and me,
Good friends we shall always be,
But if in the future we should ever disagree,
Well, fuck you, here's to me.

(not original)
J. Dubach

--
_____________________________________________________
DDDDDDDDD JJJJJJ | Joev Dubach
D J J | dub...@husc.harvard.edu
D J J | North House
D D J J | Harvard University
DDDDD * JJJJJJ * | Cambridge, MA 02138

[Peaches!]

In article <1992Jan31....@memstvx1.memst.edu>, mcswe...@memstvx1.memst.edu writes:

> In article <1992Jan29.1...@ncsu.edu>, bcp...@eos.ncsu.edu (BRENT COLE PERRY) writes:
>> mulb...@triton.unm.edu writes:
>>
>>>Does anybody know any humorous and, maybe,bawdy
>>>drinking "toasts"?
>>

here are a couple more you might enjoy:
(remeber, gender is interchangeable)

Here's to the men that we love
Here's to the men that love us
Since the men that we love aren't the men that love us
F*** them all and here's to us!!!!!!

also:

Here's to what we want
Here's to what we need
s'long as we don't get what we deserve!!!!!

any more? we are always looking for new credible reasons to drink...not that
we need them!! :*)

~~~~~Peaches

[loose cannon]

Heard this in Australia, it seems typical of the spare
and pithy humorous style often encountered there:

(Lifting pint glass high) Up yours, up everybody's!

Mysti

[00me...@bsu-ucs.uucp]

Birds do it and fly.
Bee's do it and die.
Dog's do it and stick to it.
So why shouldn't you and I ?

--
== Michael E. White
== UUCP: <backbones>!{iuvax,pur-ee,uunet}!bsu-cs!mewhite
== UUCP: <backbones>!{iuvax,pur-ee,uunet}!bsu-ucs!00mewhite
== BITNET: 00ME...@BSUVAX1.BITNET
== INET: 00ME...@LEO.BSUVC.BSU.EDU
== Ball State University / University Computing Services, Muncie, Indiana 47306

[Thomas Kimball]

In a previous article, mulb...@triton.unm.edu () says:

>Does anybody know any humorous and, maybe,bawdy
>drinking "toasts"?
>

For those private occasions . . .

Here's to the Virgin Mary, who conceived without sinning;
Here's to you, my dear, may you sin without conceiving !!

--

* * * * * * * * * * *
Qvid, me anxivs svm?

[Ecology Center Fund]

How about:
Here's wishing for champagne for my real friends,
And real pain to my sham friends!

chris

[ke_le...@vax.muskingum.edu]

Here's a great batchlor party toast:

Here's to the hole that never heals,
the more you rub it the better it feels.
And all of the soap and water in hell
can never wash away that fishy smell.

Kevin

[Wicked Witch Of The West]

Ah, when the weather is hot and sticky
tis not the time to be dunkin' Dicky.
Ah, but when the frost is on the pumpkin
that's the time for Dicky Dunkin'.

The school of hard knocks is an accelerated curriculum. (Menander)

Disclaimer? Why? Who cares anyway?.

"jea...@scri1.scri.fsu.edu"