How do you catch a unique rabbit?
You 'neek up on it.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way, you 'neek up on it.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
What do you get when you cross a cow and a dog?
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
How do you recognize a dogwood tree?
By its bark.
What goes up and never goes down?
What gets bigger the more you take from it?
Why do firemen wear RED suspenders?
To hold up their pants.
What did the judge say when a skunk came into the courtroom?
Oder in the court. Oder in the court.
Silly Sally won the sweepstakes, so she decided that she
would treat herself to some of the finer things in life.
One day she decided to treat herself to a milk bath.
She called up her milkman and said, "I would like 30 gallons
of milk." The milkman asked, "Will that be pasteurized?"
Sally replied, "No, just to the middle of my back."
A guy is standing outside the surgery room where his wife is having
surgery. He hears the surgeon say, "Hammer." Then he hears him say,
"Hacksaw." Then he hears him say, "Wrench." The guy can't stand it
any more, so he runs into the room and says, "Doctor, doctor, what's
the matter with my wife? The surgeon replies, "I don't know. I can't
get my bag open!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To prove to the armadillo that it could be done.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the
road twice without taking a bath?
A dirty double crosser.
Why did the chicken only cross the road halfway?
It wanted to lay it on the line.
Why did the fox cross the road?
It was after that chicken!
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kid's don't eat broccoli.
How do you keep an elephant from charging?
Take away his credit cards.
You: Why do elephants wear red tennis shoes?
Them: I DON'T KNOW.
You: So they can hide in cherry trees.
You: Did you ever see an elephant hide in a cherry tree?
You: See, it works.
Why did the elephant wear pink tennis shoes?
Because his red ones were in the wash.
Orange you glad I didn't say banana again?
Two farmers were discussing who had the meanest dog. One who had a
very mean looking Doberman insisted that his was the meanest and that
it could lick any other dog in the county. The second just looked at
his mangy old yellow dog and said that he would wager his against any
dog in the country. Well after a heated argument they finally decided
to let the dogs fight it out.
After a very short snarling match, the old yellow dog leaped on the
Doberman and killed it outright. The first farmer was shocked. His
dog had been beating other dogs for years and had never had more than
a small scratch or two. He turned to the second farmer and asked "What
kind of dog did you say that was?"
The second farmer replied "Well before he lost his tail we called
him a Mountain Lion!"
Where does a Horse go when he gets sick?
What did the monkey say when he put his tail on the Railroad tracks?
It won't be long now!
What goes "ooo, oooo, oooo?"
A cow with no lips.
Why did the bicycle fall down?
It was two-tired. (too tired)
First Person, running around frantically waving arms:
"It's all around me, it's all around me!"
Second Person watching First Person: "What's all around you?"
First Person, calmly: "My belt, of course!"
What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
Nothing, it just gave a little wine!
What's black and white and red all over?
1. A zebra with a sunburn.
2. A newspaper.
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence.
Where does an 800-pound gorilla sleep?
Anywhere he wants.
Where did the sheep go to get a hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist?
Well, you don't have to cry about it!
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Gee, I didn't know you could yodel.
Matthew laces are untied.
Dewayne the bathtub I'm dwounding!
Let's do a knock knock joke, you start.
(Giggles as the person realizes they have no joke).
What does a 200 pound canary say?
(Use a really deep voice and say), "Tweet!"
What does a 300 pound canary say?
(Use a really deep voice and say), "Here, Kitty Kitty!"
A policeman is sitting by the side of the road in Southern California
when he sees a car speeding by. He gives pursuit, pulls the car over,
and sees that there is a man driving with three penquins in the back
seat. The man hastily explains that he is taking the penquins to the
zoo, so the policeman lets him go. The next day the trooper spots the
same car speeding, and pulls it over again. The same man is driving, and
he still has the penquins in the back, which are all wearing sunglasses.
"Hey," the trooper says, "I thought you said you were taking those
penguins to the zoo?" "I did!" the man exclaims, "They loved it! Today
we're going to the beach!"
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