HALLOWEEN (Long)

[Nancy Carson]

What should you say when you meet a ghost?
"How do you boo, sir. How do you boo."
What's a ghost's favorite breakfast?
Ghost toasties with booberries.
What do little ghosts drink?
Evaporated milk.
Why do cemeteries have fences around them?
Because people are dying to get in.
What's soft, moldy and flies?
A spoiled bat.
What did the policeman say when a black widow spider ran down his back?
"You're under a vest!"
When do ghosts usually appear?
Just before someone screams.
What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?
A holy terror.
What happened to the monster that took the five o'clock train home?
He had to give it back.
Why did the monster salute his vegetable soup?
He looked in his bowl and saw a kernel of corn.
Why do witches think they're funny?
Every time they look in the mirror, it cracks up.
How do mummies hide?
They wear masking tape.
What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer.
What did Dracula say then he saw a giraffe for the first time?
I'd like to get to gnaw you.
What would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand witch.
Who has a broom and flies?
A jelly-covered janitor.
Which story do all little witches love to hear at bedtime?
"Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares."
Why do dragons sleep during the day?
So they can fight knights.
What time would it be if five demons were chasing you?
Five after one.
Why don't skeletons like parties?
They have no body to dance with.
Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
In a blood bank.
How does a witch tell time?
She looks at her witch watch.
What did the bat say to the witch's hat?
You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
What if you crossed a rabbit with a wolf?
You'd get a harewolf.
Where can you see a real ugly monster?
In the mirror.
When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
When you're a mouse.
What happens when a flying witch breaks the sound barrier?
You hear the broom boom.
What goes "Oob, oob!"
A witch in reverse.
How do you make a milkshake?
You sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell "Boo!"
Why did the monster eat the caboose?
The locomotive told him to "Choo, choo."
What's the best place for a mirror?
In a graveyard. It can double your mummy.
What happens to a fast witch on a slow broom?
She flies off the handle.
What do you call a roomful of ghosts?
A bunch of boo-boos.
Why are so few ghosts arrested?
It's hard to pin anything on them.
What happened to the witch who hooked her broom to a space shuttle?
She got spaced out.
Why don't skeletons ski?
They don't have the guts.
What are a vampire's favorite snacks?
Adam's apples and nectarines.
When a witch lands, Where does she park?
In a broom closet.
Do witches stay home on weekends?
No. They go away for a spell.
What type of music do ghosts prefer?
Spirituals, of course.
What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
"Don't spook until you're spooken to."
How does a monster count to 21?
On his fingers.
What do you say to a 2-headed monster?
Hello, hello.
What's a mummy's favorite music?
Ragtime.
What do you get if you cross a vampire bat and a mummy?
A flying band-aid, or a gift-wrapped bat.
What do you get if you cross Jessee James and Dracula?
A robbery at the blood bank.
Why do demons and ghouls always hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
What would you get if you crossed a wolf with a polyester jacket?
A wash-and-wearwolf.

Credit to John Molloy for the following:
Why do demons hang out with ghouls?
Because demons are a ghouls best friend.
Why did the other kids have to let the vampire play baseball?
It was his bat.
What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
Put your boos and shocks on.
Mother vampire to son:
Hurry up and eat your breakfast before it clots.
Mommy, Mommy, the kids all call me a werewolf.
Never mind, dear, now go and comb your face.

Credit to Melanie Aultman <afn1...@afn.org> rec.humor 10-10-96;
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
NECKtarine
How does a witch fix her hair?
With SCAREspray.

.......
Nancy

[Russ Conway]

How about:

Why can't ghosts have babies?
Because they have hollow-weenies.

Nancy Carson wrote:
<lots of halloween jokes deleted>