Mary had a little Lamb...
Mike Miller
Mary had a little lamb
she tied it to a pylon
10,000 volt's went up it's arse
and turned it into nylon.
--
Mike Miller. " The Quicker This World Stop's Spinning
The Quicker I Can Get Off "
T Bingham
-> Mary had a little lamb
->
-> she tied it to a pylon
->
-> 10,000 volt's went up it's arse
->
-> and turned it into nylon.
->
->
-> --
->
-> Mike Miller. " The Quicker This World Stop's Spinning
Now you asked for it. These are a bunch of "Mary" rhymes my friends and I
made up. Some are very sick. We don't have real lives.
Mary had a little lamb,
They had a little tiff.
So Mary took the little lamb,
And threw it off a cliff.
Mary had a little lamb,
She taught him how to count.
And every time she got to three,
The little lamb would mount.
Mary had a little lamb.
It was no laughing matter,
When Mary gave it Exlaxed food,
And walls it then did splatter.
Mary had a little lamb,
But then he started ruttin'.
So Mary killed the stupid thing,
And for her dinner ate mutton.
Mary had a little lamb,
He sometimes liked to bite
Mary liked that little lamb,
And slept with him at night.
Mary had a little lamb,
He followed her to Mass.
But Father William knocked it out,
When he passed some silent gas.
Mary had a little lamb,
The one her father got her.
But Mary did most like the lamb
At dinner after slaughter.
Mary had a little pony
She rode him round and round.
Everywhere the pony went,
He left a little mound.
Mary had a little lamb,
And sometimes in bad weather
She took the lamb into the house
Where they played with lace and leather.
Mary had a little dog.
He couldn't find a tree.
And so he used poor Mary's leg,
Each time he had to pee.
Mary had an open wound,
The pus did spew when pressing.
So Mary got a restaurant job,
Making salads with "House Dressing".
Mary had a little lamb
And boy, did she sure hate him.
But soon she learned to love the lamb
At dinner when she ate him.
Mary had a little lamb
She killed him cause he welched.
She never missed the little lamb.
She could taste him when she belched.
Mary had a little lamb.
A lamb she loved to tease.
Then once the small lamb bit the girl,
And laughed as she died from disease.
Mary had a little lamb.
It was not very happy.
Because it was molested, you see,
By Mary's swarthy pappy.
<<Terry Bingham>> | Never believe anything until
| it has been officially denied.
Kristin S. Dahl
: Mary had a little lamb
: she tied it to a pylon
: 10,000 volt's went up it's arse
: and turned it into nylon.
How about:
Mary had a little lamb,
the doctors were suprised
there's also:
When April showers,
she doesn't pull the curtains
The hills are alive,
and the thought is frightning
David Quakenbush
: Mary had a little lamb
: she tied it to a pylon
: 10,000 volt's went up it's arse
: and turned it into nylon.
: --
:
: Mike Miller. " The Quicker This World Stop's Spinning
:
I think this is close enough to be considered on topic...
Little Bo Peep
has lost her sheep
and Radar has failed to find them,
They meet face to face
in paralell space
preceeding their leaders behind them.
(Borrowed without permission from "mother goose in space")
frank....@chessboard.com
Subject: Re: Mary had a little Lamb...
T Bingham wrote on 03-29-95 08:04:
TB> Mary had a little lamb,
The doctor almost fainted.
Or
Mary had a little lamb
A little bread, a little jam,
A chocolate soda topped with fizz.
My, how sick our Mary is.
____________________________________________________________
|frank....@chessboard.com| I don't feel like |
| | hunting Giraffes today. |
| All opinions expressed | |
| are strictly my own. | Can I just spear a |
| That's what ".com" means. | Newt??? |
| | |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12
Elizabeth Burrelli
Mary had a little lamb,
It's fleece was white as snow,
And everywhere that Mary went,
The lamb was sure to go.
It followed her to school one day,
***and the kids killed it!***
or
Mary had a little lamb,
that'll teach her not to sleep in the barn again.
Robert V. Grizzard
: Mike Miller (mi...@mmiller.demon.co.uk) wrote:
: : Mary had a little lamb
: : she tied it to a pylon
: : 10,000 volt's went up it's arse
: : and turned it into nylon.
: How about:
: Mary had a little lamb,
: the doctors were suprised
: there's also:
: When April showers,
: she doesn't pull the curtains
: The hills are alive,
: and the thought is frightning
and:
Mary had a little sheep
With which she was wont to sleep.
The sheep turned out to be a ram;
Now Mary has a little lamb.
or:
Mary had a little lamb
(You've heard this one before)
When she was done she passed her plate
And had a little more
U58...@uicvm.uic.edu
Mamie, in a manner placid,
fed the cat boracic acid.
Whereupon the cat grew frantic,
and executed many an antic.
Ah, cried Mamie, overjoyed:
"Pussy is an alkaloid!"
mav2
Now Mary takes the lamb to school
Between two slices of bread.
Matthew D. Mains
Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a bear.
I've often seen Mary's lamb,
I've never seen her bear(bare).
This one is much better spoken than seen, but since I can't talk over
this thing it'll do.
--
============================================================================
| |
| "Hold my head, we'll trampoline." |
| Pixies |
Tony Flury
Mary had a little Lamb,
she also had a Bear,
we often saw her little Lamb,
but we never saw her bear (bare).
and again:
Mary had a little bike,
she rode it round the grass,
and every time the wheel went round,
the spoke went up her ......
Tony Flury.
John J Smith
>frank....@chessboard.com
> Subject: Re: Mary had a little Lamb...
>
>Mary had a little lamb
>A chocolate soda topped with fizz.
>My, how sick our Mary is.
(Apologies if a similar posting has expired)
Mary had a little lamb,
I was always grunting,
She tied it to a five bar gate,
and kicked its little cunt in.
Smid
Terry Hewitt
How about:
Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a duck,
She put them on the window ledge
To see if they would ... fall off.
--
Terry John Hewitt
Clayton L. Scott
Later,
Clayton L. "TEX" Scott
Carleton Engineering II "Civil is my stream...
Co-Director of CSES Publications not necessarily my disposition"
cls...@chat.carleton.ca
---------------------------------------------------------------------->
Paul
when she took her panties off
his woolly dick got hard.
Andrew Dice Clay - from the video 'The Diceman Cometh'
--
Don't end up as Road Kill along the Information Super Highway
Duncan Jurisic
: Mary had a little lamb
: Her father shot it dead
: Now Mary takes the lamb to school
: Between two slices of bread.
When Mary had a little lamb,
The doctor was surprised,
But when Old McDonald had a farm,
He couldn't beleive his eyes!
Duncan
Smo...@smoer01.bah.com
> Mary had a little lamb,
>
>
> Or
> Mary had a little lamb
> A chocolate soda topped with fizz.
> My, how sick our Mary is.
>
Mary had a little lamb,
the doctor was surprized;
but when Old MacDonald had a farm,
the doctor almost died.
Smokey
Michael Reedich
Little Miss Muffit
sat on a tuffit
eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider and
sat down besid her
so she beat the shit out of him with the spoon.
WACK!
WACK!
WACK!
SPLAT!
John Beard
: Mary had a little lamb
Mary had a litle lamb
and tied it to a heater
every time it turned around
it burnt its little seater
--
/\ \/ \/\ /\ <>< \/ "Clouds are not spheres, mountains are not
< >< /\/ \ <\/\__/ cones, coastlines are not circles, and bark
\/ / < \ \/ \__/> is not smooth, nor does lightning travel in
/\_/ >-<\/ /\ / a straight line." -Benoit Mendelbrot
C.G. Williams
Maty had a little lamb,
But in an act of violence,
She ate its liver with some wine
Now there's no bleats, just silence.
.,_. ,.
,$P""'$b $P "I am a PhD student, so there is
.$" no one to take responsibility
J$' ,db. for my actions"
$$ d$ '$ c ee
$$. $$ $' .$$ d$F"$b
?$b .e $$" .$'b*' $F"' Ceri Williams
"?$$F '"$zzF' ,., Dept of Geology
,_ed$$FFFFF$$ Leicester University
b, ,_ed$$$F**"' * Leicester LE1 7RH
?$$F**"' UK
Clodfelter - James H.
Mary had a little lamb,
A little pork, a little ham,
A little egg, a little toast,
Some pickles, and a great big roast,
A chocolate soda topped with fizz,
And boy, how sick our Mary is!
--
-----------------------
Jim Clodfelter
jam...@umd5.umd.edu ".Sig files are a conceit."
U.S.A. Maryland
Baltimore County
Lansdowne Middle School
Taz Team
Dennis Schindler
*** Forrest Gump's First Hump ***
Mary had a little lamb
A bullseye on it's rump,
She took it to the county fair
and sold it to Forrest Gump.
Forrest never had a lamb
Mama Gump told him what to do
"Aim for the bullseye" she told him,
"and use your weenee like a corkscrew".
"Sodom is as Sodom does"
- Mama Gump
Eoin Carroll, ADC
D D Ginsberg
She gave it brandy twice a day
And now it's alcoholic.
Mary had a little lamb
It gambolled round in hops
It frollicked in the road one day
And ended up as chops.
--
Is reality, in reality, real?
Olierv Hippel
Julie M. Kulcsar
Mary had a little sheep.
With each night she went to sleep.
Then one day she had a lamb.
And that sheep turned out a ram.
Thought you might like it.
--
Julie Marie Kulcsar
Internet Address: jkul...@ashland.edu
Chat Line Id: Einstein
You only exist here once, use the time wisely. For when you must go you
will not get another chance. The decisions you make today will stay with
you for the rest of your life.
Jerald Jurgens
Kulcsar) writes:
>
>Guys try this one!!!!!
>
>Mary had a little sheep.
>With each night she went to sleep.
>Then one day she had a lamb.
>And that sheep turned out a ram.
>
>
Mary had a little lamb, it's fleece was white as snow.
And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go.
Then Mary saw the rising cost of meat, and the incline didn't please her.
So now she's having leg of lamb, and the rest is in the freezer!
--
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
[] The wages of sin are DEATH! Of course, after taxes, its just kind []
[] of a tired feeling really..... []
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Chris.B...@massey.ac.nz
> She gave it brandy twice a day
> And now it's alcoholic.
>
> It frollicked in the road one day
> And ended up as chops.
>
> --
> Is reality, in reality, real?
Mary had a little lamb
She kept it in a bucket
'Cause every time she took it out
Her brother used to...
#include "Chris.B...@uni.massey.ac.nz"
RiCH
>From: cs...@freenet.vancouver.bc.ca (Terry Hewitt)
>Subject: Re: Mary had a little Lamb...
>How about:
>Mary had a little lamb,
>She also had a duck,
>She put them on the window ledge
>To see if they would ... fall off.
>--
>Terry John Hewitt
Mary had a little lamb,
its fleece had gone all red,
she'd taken it down the garden path
and took a pick-axe to it's head.
RiCH
J RODNEY MAC LEOD
she set them on the window sill
to see if they'd fall off
don connors
: #include "Chris.B...@uni.massey.ac.nz"
Mary had a liitle lamb
She kept it in the yard
But every time she bent over
his wooly dick got hard
Blaise Goodpaster
: >How about:
: >--
: >Terry John Hewitt
: RiCH
she kept it in a closet.
Every time she took it out,
it left a little deposit.
--Blaise __0
--goodp...@bcl.santarosa.edu (work) `\<,_
--bgoo...@nermal.santarosa.edu (play) (*)/ (*)
Peter M. Bennett
When the b*astard wouldn't sing
She kicked its f*cking head in.
--
Kind Regards,
Pete Bennett (pm...@futureim.demon.co.uk)
Future Implications Japanese Language Services - Surrey, England
Telephone +44 (0)181 661 7699 : Facsimile +44 (0)181 395 3545
jjones
And everywhere that Mary went
His sooty foot he put.
George Dau
silly
So she chucked it up in the air
And caught it by its
Willy was a watch dog
Hiding in the grass
Along came a bumble bee
And stung him up the
Ask no questions
Tell no lies
And don't watch policemand doing up their
Flies are bad,
Mosquitoes are worse
And that's the end of my silly little verse.
Unicorn
The sheep turned out to be a ram,
and Mary had a little lamb.
Unicorn
Andrew Morty (bis2D)
she took the sheep to bed to sleep
the sheep turned out to be a ram
Doug Walker
Mary had a little watch
she swallowed it one day
Mary took a laxative
to pass the time away
The laxative it did not work
the time refused to pass
so if you need to know the time
just look up Mary's...............SISTER,
she has one just like it.
Jon Steinhart
the sheep turned out to be a ram,
so Mary had a little lamb!
--
,,,
( *--< caw
| |
Dennis Schindler
AM(>Mary had a little sheep
AM(>she took the sheep to bed to sleep
AM(>the sheep turned out to be a ram
AM(>and Mary had a little lamb.
Mary had a little sheep
she showed it her naked front
and found a little wooly thing
being shoved up her cunt.
Dennis Schindler
JS>Mary had a little sheep
JS>and with this sheep she went to sleep
JS>the sheep turned out to be a ram,
JS>so Mary had a little lamb!
JS>--
Mary drank a little wine
and started feeling tipsy,
She whispered to her little lamb
"if you're a ram you'd screw me"
Chris.B...@massey.ac.nz
>
> Mary had a little sheep.
> With this sheep did Mary sleep.
> and Mary had a little lamb.
>
Mary had a little lamb
And it was always gruntin'
She tied it to a five-bar gate
And kicked it's little c*nt in
#include "idiotic.signiture.line"
Dennis Schindler
ER>Mary had a little lamb
ER>the doctor was suprised;
ER>but when McDonald had a farm,
ER>you shoulda seen his eyes!
We've heard all the Mary jokes
how's about somethin' new?
A pig in the poke
An addition to the crew
Here, take a toke
This one's for you:
Mary was a piece of ass
her sister was hot too
but when Eric tryed to get some
They both said "F*ck You!"
Jans Steyn
>From: bgoo...@nermal.santarosa.edu (Blaise Goodpaster)
>Subject: Re: Mary had a little Lamb...
>: >How about:
>: >--
>: >Terry John Hewitt
>: RiCH
it had a touch of colic.
She gave it whiskey twice a day,
and now it's alcoholic.
-- Jans Steyn
Narendra Karambelkar
Mary Had a little lamb
the doctor was surprised ....
Mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead
now it gows to school with her
between two pieces of bread
Kevin Driscoll
>>: >How about:
>>: >--
>>: >Terry John Hewitt
>>: RiCH
>-- Jans Steyn
tired of being a follower
started a revolution
so mary did a swallow her
-Kevin
DENNIS E. CAMPBELL
Soup
ROLL TIDE ROLL
Dennis Schindler
KD>Mary had a little lamb,
KD>tired of being a follower
KD>started a revolution
KD>so mary did a swallow her
Mary had a little dog
she loved it like a toy
and when she felt it's weenie
she knew it was a boy.
You can call me Terry
or you can call me Justin
but call me a Fairy
and I'll bash your head in.
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but a .38 will kill me."
-From a tombstone in east L.A.
"Tits and ass may give me a boner but whipped creme excites me."
- Mr. Roberts from the adult movie "Mr. Roberts' Bedtime Stories".
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
"I'm not a racist. I hate everybody, black, white, yellow, red, pink,
brown, mullato, albino, spick, jap, chink, frog, kraut, limey, yank,
ozzie, irish, polack, canuck, wetback, hick, wog, arab, nigger, dike,
queer, republican, democrat, old, young, women, men, kids, jew, hindu,
catholic, protestant, rednecks, hippies, bikers, punks, jesus-freaks,
hare-krishnas, moonies, byu, ucla, harvard. If you aren't on this list,
don't worry, I hate you too! Go fuck yourself!! I hate you all!!!
Why don't you all get off the fucking planet and leave me alone!!!!"
-Hermit the Frog (Kermit's half-brother)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Adam Constabaris
: Mary had a little lamb.
: Boy was the doctor surprised!
She followed up the lamb with a nice Shiraz, and a lime sorbet.
AC
Gobble
David Gelfand
Mary had a little lamb,
Some carrots and some peas.
She ate like a pig,
And got really big,
And couldn't fit into her jeans.
Neversober
But when old MacDonald had a farm
The doctor damn near died. (not to mention poor old
MacDonald!)
Pat 'Cousin It' Savino
Then there's:
Mary had a little lamb
She tied him to a heater
And every time he turned around
He burned his little seater
kxp...@vaxb.isc.rit.edu
>jst...@dos-lan.cs.up.ac.za (Jans Steyn) wrote:
>
>>In article <3mkgst$4...@floyd.santarosa.edu> bgoo...@nermal.santarosa.edu (Blaise Goodpaster) writes:
>>>From: bgoo...@nermal.santarosa.edu (Blaise Goodpaster)
>>>Subject: Re: Mary had a little Lamb...
>>>Date: 14 Apr 1995 00:50:37 GMT
>
>>>RiCH (ss...@silsoe.cranfield.ac.uk) wrote:
>>>: In article <3lqfio$c...@freenet.vancouver.bc.ca> cs...@freenet.vancouver.bc.ca
>>>(Terry Hewitt) writes:
>>>: >From: cs...@freenet.vancouver.bc.ca (Terry Hewitt)
>>>: >Subject: Re: Mary had a little Lamb...
>>>: >Date: 4 Apr 1995 03:48:40 GMT
>
>
>>>: >How about:
>
>>>: >Mary had a little lamb,
>>>: >She also had a duck,
>>>: >She put them on the window ledge
>>>: >To see if they would ... fall off.
>
>
>>>: >--
>>>: >Terry John Hewitt
>
>
>>>: Mary had a little lamb,
>>>: its fleece had gone all red,
>>>: she'd taken it down the garden path
>>>: and took a pick-axe to it's head.
>
>>>: RiCH
>
>>>Every time she took it out,
>>>it left a little deposit.
>
>>>--Blaise __0
>>>--goodp...@bcl.santarosa.edu (work) `\<,_
>>>--bgoo...@nermal.santarosa.edu (play) (*)/ (*)
>
>
>>She gave it whiskey twice a day,
>>and now it's alcoholic.
>
>>-- Jans Steyn
>
>so mary did a swallow her
>
>
>
>
Mary had a little lamb,
farmers are the least,
needed job for the next,
century?
-Yeah, but *I* wrote it
Dion M Wiggins
: dgin...@cs.uct.ac.za (D D Ginsberg) wrote:
: >
: > Mary had a little lamb
: > It had a touch of colic
: > She gave it brandy twice a day
: > And now it's alcoholic.
: >
: > Mary had a little lamb
: > It gambolled round in hops
: > It frollicked in the road one day
: > And ended up as chops.
: >
: > --
: > Is reality, in reality, real?
: Mary had a little lamb
: She kept it in a bucket
: 'Cause every time she took it out
: Her brother used to...
MAry had a little bike,
she rode it back to front,
every time she used the brakes,
the seat went up her ....
--
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
di...@asiaonline.net Web: http://www.asiaonline.net
Dion Wiggins Address: Asia On-Line Limited
Chief Operating Officer Suite 501, Gitic Centre,
Phone (852) 2866-6018 28 Queens Road East, Wan Chai
Fax (852) 2520-5463 Hong Kong.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bunny Master (Alex Uloth)
To sell it to the butcher shop,
And make a little money :-P
Alex Uloth.
Aldorain the BUNNY master. \\__/(\
Q Q \)
,--_|\ ul...@iinet.com.au =(_T_)=
/ Oz \ ul...@DIALix.com.au
\_,--\_/
v
===========================================================================
"When I die, I want to go like my grandfather, peacefully, in his sleep...
not screaming and yelling, like his passengers."
============================================================================
Peter Cox
In response to a thread I forward this...
But be warned - it's fairly long so you might wanna read it offline..
(Just thinkin' about the old phone bill)
In response to a thread I forward this...
But be warned - it's fairly long so you might wanna read it offline..
(Just thinkin' about the old phone bill)
*************************************************************************
* *
* THE MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB COMPENDIUM *
* ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ *
* *
* Dedicated to the memory of Mary Hall. *
* *
*************************************************************************
******************
* Introduction *
******************
After a conventional upbringing and squandered youth Mary Hall made her
mark on the world when she wrote the inspirational poem 'Mary had a Little
Lamb'; she dedicated her life to the advancement of the poem and dreamed
that it would someday be told the world over. Tragically even such a
peaceful pursuit has its dangers and Mary's murder at the hands of a
crazed schizophrenic poet shocked the world.
Larry 'The Lamb' Zhaga had spent many years following the progress of
the MHALL poem and had developed an obsessive fascination. Following the
death of his mother in an bizarre fishing accident Larry shrank into a
world of his own and spent his time writing to Mary in the hope that
'everywhere that Mary went, he could go too'. When he realised that his
dreams would never be fulfilled he took his revenge; Mary's body was found
after a climber reported almost being killed when Larry jumped contentedly
off a cliff (he had also had an earlier interest in lemmings).
This compendium has been produced as a tribute to Mary Hall.
****************************************************************************
******************
* The Prologue *
******************
Mary was a curious girl,
She had not a single friend;
Some say she brought upon herself,
Her own tragic end .....
PAL
Mary had some time to spare,
And wrote a little poem;
She based it on a lamb she`d seen,
But didn't even know him .....
NWT
Mary's poem did the rounds,
Achieving world-wide fame;
The problem with it now is that,
It just seems rather lame.
PAL
Mary led a quiet life,
At least until she died;
Her one success the poem,
That triggered her suicide.
PAL
**************
* The Poem *
**************
" Mary had a little lamb,
It's fleece was white as snow;
And everywhere that Mary went,
The lamb was sure to go. "
Mary Hall
********************
* The Compendium *
********************
Mary had a little lamb,
She couldn't stop it crying;
She kicked it up the arse one day,
And sent it f**king flying.
CJ
Mary had a little lamb,
Forever it was gluing.
Making models of its friends,
In strange positions, screwing.
CJ
Mary had a little lamb,
But she wasn't really sure;
Was she quite full enough,
or should she have some more.
PAL
Mary had a little lamb,
It used to chew her slippers;
So Mary chopped off all it's legs,
With a pair of clippers.
PDC
Mary had a little lamb,
She got it rather pissed;
Then she gave it what it liked,
A quick one off the wrist.
NWT
Mary had a little lamb,
Which slept throughout the day,
Mary woke it up in the barn,
By igniting all the hay.
CJ
Mary had a little lamb,
It didn't have a willy.
Mary made a big mistake,
In calling this lamb Billy.
CJ
Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was ever so white;
She took it to France on holiday,
Where farmers set it alight.
PAL
Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a duck.
She put them on the mantlepiece,
To see if they would fall off.
CJ
Mary had a little lamb,
She liked it very much.
Until she caught it smoking dope,
When she kicked it in the crutch.
CJ
Mary had a little lamb,
Her wool was black as night;
During nuclear holocaust,
It soon turned into white.
TDS
Mary had a little lamb,
His wool was black as night;
It used to sing soprano,
Cos it's jeans were rather tight.
PDC
Mary had a little lamb,
It caused her lots of strife;
But a lamb is not just for Christmas,
A lamb is for life.
PAL
Mary had a little lamb,
She shaved it every day.
She did this as she found her husband
Liked it more this way.
CJ
Mary had a little lamb,
She knew just what to do;
She gave it paper and a pen,
Upon which it drew,
A picture of a pussy cat
And said "look this is mine"
And Mary said "bugger me, a talking sheep"
TDS & NWT
Mary had a little lamb,
Her man was from Llandudno;
She thought she knew him well enough,
Until she found the Velcro.
PAL
Mary had a little lamb,
That had a little tail.
Until she caught it smoking dope,
And locked it in the jail
CJ
Mary had a little lamb,
But surely you must know that;
And if you really didn't,
You're a complete and utter prat.
PAL
Mary had a little lamb,
With carrots and with peas.
A little mint sauce on the top,
And stuffing in its knees.
CJ
Mary had a little lamb,
But didn't know what for;
She thought maybe for stopping draughts,
And shoved it under the door.
PAL
Mary had a little lamb,
She liked to stroke it's head.
Until one day she found her husband
Screwing it in her bed.
CJ
Mary had a little lamb,
But knew not whence it came;
She was feeling a little peckish,
Now the lamb is lame.
PAL
Mary had a little lamb,
she kept it at the bank;
In embalmed darkness,
pickled in a tank.
PE
Mary had a little lamb,
With big horns and sharp teeth,
When ot turned out to be the Devil,
It came as some relief.
CJ
Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was white as snow.
And everywhere that Mary went,
The lamb didn't, because Mary was an annoying bitch.
CJ
Mary had a little lamb,
So take a tip from me:
If it has fleas as white as snow,
Then use some DDT.
MG
Mary had a little lamb,
Which acted rather crazily;
But soon enough she found the fault,
She'd programmed it in C.
MG
Mary had a little lamb,
She didn't know what for;
So she stuck it on a handle,
And used it to mop the floor.
PAL
Mary had a little lamb,
It was short and sweet.
With seven ears and twenty mouths,
And forteen-thousand feet,
Mary had a deformed lamb,
But it could not be healed.
Coz Mary, in her innocence,
Lived next to Sellafield.
CJ
Mary had a little lamb,
Cause she couldn't find a man.
CJ
Mary had a little lamb,
She tied it to a pylon;
2,000 volts went up it's tail,
and turned the wool to nylon.
PDC
Mary had a little lamb,
It made a horrid mess;
And when her mum came into clean,
She could not even guess.
TDS
Mary had a little lamb,
't was as beautiful as day.
Until the little lamb was captured
By the I.R.A.
CJ
And Mary had a second lamb,
Which she put with the other.
She left them alone through the night,
And one became a mother.
CJ
And Mary had a little lamb,
A sweet and harmless beast.
And Mary left it and it died,
But she didn't care in the least.
CJ
Mary had a little lamb,
It's life was such a doss;
She gave it half a joint one day,
And it couldn't give a toss.
PAL
Mary had a little lamb,
It had a few convulsions;
She tried out all the possible cures,
But then used jet-propulsion.
PAL
Mary had a little lamb,
It's fleece was sodden red;
The reason for it was you see,
It had a pick-axe through its head.
MKT
Mary had a little lamb,
And boy did the lamb enjoy it.
MKT
Mary had a little lamb,
It's fleece was black as soot;
And every where that Mary went,
It's sooty foot it put.
NWT
Mary had a little lamb,
She thought it awfully quaint;
She didn't like the colour much,
So she covered it with paint.
NWT
Mary had a little pony,
She rode it to the town;
Where she bore a child,
Who was to wear a crown.
(does this sound familiar?)
TDS
Mary had a little lamb,
The lamb was very sick;
She thought this was just because,
He had not grown a dick.
TDS
Mary had a little lamb,
It created some division;
It was not what she'd expected,
And shocked the obstetrician.
PAL
Mary had a little lamb,
It was always in a hurry;
It slipped while crossing over the road,
And ended up as curry.
REG
Mary had a little lamb,
It had a touch of colic;
She gave it brandy twice a day,
And now it's alcoholic.
REG (The old one's are the best ???? - Ed)
Mary had a little lamb,
It's fleece was all a quiver;
She drowned it slowly in a stream,
And sent it down the river.
NWT
Mary had a little lamb,
It used to cough all day;
So Mary took it too the vet,
Who blew it's head away.
PDC
Mary had a little lamb,
It's fleece was ever so black;
She left it in a cave one day,
And never got it back.
PDC & PAL
Mary had a little lamb,
It's fleece smelt rather rank;
Perhaps it was due to her husband,
Who used it when having a ..... (surely 'ride in his tank' ? - Ed)
NWT
Mary had a little lamb,
But one day it turned savage.
So she shot it in the head
And served it up with cabbage.
REG
Mary had a little lamb.
It ate out of her pocket.
Then NASA bought it from her
And sent it on a rocket.
REG
Mary had a little lamb
It's fleece was very fuzzy
She'd tried to wire it up you see,
But it didn't work as SCSI.
REG
Mary had a little lamb
Which beat up all its brothers
Hence proving that some animals
Are more equal than others
MG
Mary had a little lamb;
She did Psychology.
The lamb bleated at her one day
And she was immediately requested to write a 1000-word report on the
origins and environmental basis of this spontaneous auditory response,
with particular attention to a possible reinforcer received during the
lamb's early life.
MG
Mary had a little lamb
She tied it to a tree
She whipped it hard, she whipped it long
It baa'd and baa'd with glee
GRM
Mary had a little lamb
It then became a goat
So she fattened it up for christmas
And slit it's goaty throat
RJP
Mary had a little lamb,
That sometimes got quite randy;
So it went into the local pub,
And asked for a hand shandy.
SDB
Mary had a little lamb,
So bright it was in MENSA
But it met a very sticky end
When fed through a Liebig condensor
REG
Mary had a little lamb,
She taught it how to fly.
Well how was Mary to have known
The little lamb would die.
She took it to a mountain top,
Where the ground was good and flat.
She pushed it off, and listened closely....
Yes, there came the "Splat".
CJ
Mary had a little lamb,
It was short and squat;
Despite its ugliness and smell
She liked it quite a lot.
CJ
Mary had a little lamb,
She took it shopping in a trolly;
It ate too much, and didn`t pay,
So she impailed it on her brolly.
NWT
Mary has a little lamb,
It had the cutest hide;
But when she told it how she felt,
It commited suicide.
MA
Mary had a little lamb,
It's butt was awfully raw;
So she stuck it on the stove,
And it wasn't any more.
NWT
Mary had a greedy lamb,
It ate and ate all day;
Eventually she stopped it,
By poisoning the hay.
NWT
Mary had a new born lamb,
It's eyes were still closed;
Mary cuddled and nursed the creature;
So it could later be exposed.
TDS
Mary had a greedy lamb,
It 'ate' and 'ate' all day;
And when she tried to up and leave,
It tried to make her stay!
MA & NWT (PS this one IS rude!)
Mary had a head-ache,
And the lamb was feeling sad;
So it waited 'til she'd gone to sleep -
It said she wasn't bad.
NWT
Paul had a little lamb
One or two I guessed
Until I saw his cellar-full
And I deduced the rest
MA & NWT
(Please don't refer to the Compendium as my cellar; it's very confusing! Ed.)
Mary tried to train her lamb,
Rewarding it with hay;
She taught it lots of clever things,
But what I cannot say!
MA & NWT
Mary had a little lamb,
Two electrodes and a saw;
We used to see the lamb a lot,
But we don't see it any more.
NWT & MA
Mary had a little lamb,
She took it to the river;
She set its paws in concrete,
And it did more than shiver.
NWT & MA (Do sheep have PAWS ??? - Ed.)
Mary had a little lamb,
A budgie and a frog;
Then one day she cooked them all,
And fed them to the dog.
NWT
Mary had a little lamb,
She put it on all fours;
She was looking for the buttons,
But all she found was pause.
NWT
Mary had a rubber lamb,
Six battries and some jelly;
She read the manual front to back,
But still prefered the telly.
MA & NWT
Mary had a little lamb,
Some rubber gloves and oil;
She had her wicked way with it,
And covered him with foil -
She considered it protection,
But her fun was soon to spoil -
She found out she was pregnant,
She should have used a coil.
NWT & TDS & MA & PAL
Mary and her little lamb,
Made friends with Nigel Thorne;
But it didn't last that long, you see -
Something about little boys and porn.
MKT
Mary had a little lmab,
She also couldn't type;
Some say she rides like Sharon Stone,
.. But don't believe the hype.
MKT
Mary had a little lamb,
It was running low on luck;
Whenever someone sheared it's arse,
It couldn't give a fuck.
MKT
Mary had a little lamb,
She found it rather sweet;
It played all kinds of games with her,
Then died, abruptly, at her feet.
MKT
Mary had a little lamb
And now I've had enough
Of this stupid girl called Mary
And her wooly bit of fluff..
MKT
Mary had a little lamb,
Her fleece was white snow;
Quite how this is origional,
I really do not know.
TDS
Little lamb had Mary,
Just for a change.
TDS+MKT
Mary had a little lamb,
She called it Ronald Clump;
She used it to help clean herself,
When she'd had a dump.
NWT
Mary was had by a little lamb,
It must have seen her comeing.
NWT
Timmy had a little lamb,
He thought that he was Mary;
But as he was in the wrong rhyme,
He thought it quite contrary.
TDS & PAL
Mary had a little lamb,
So cute it was untrue;
And so all the other ugly lambs,
Stuck it down with glue.
CJ
Mary had a little lamb,
With a warped and twisted mind;
It used to sing and dance all night,
With a spike up its behind.
CJ
Mary had a little lamb,
Its wool was black and tangled.
She took it to a sheep shearer,
Where it got well and truly mangled.
CJ
Mary had a little lamb,
Just for fun, she said;
But she didn't half enjoy it,
When it climbed into her bed.
CJ
Have you noticed that most of the poems contributed are about sexual
acts between Mary and the lamb? I mean, what the fuck is wrong with
everyone? (and the rest of them are about Mary eating the lamb) - CJ
Mary had a little lamb,
She neither ate nor screwed it;
She did not boil or saute it,
She didn't cut or glue it.
Mary kept the lamb quite well,
In a little barn on a farm;
Out of the way of anyone,
Where it could not do any harm.
CJ
I've just worked out why Mary MUST fuck or eat (or both) the lamb. It's
piss boring otherwise. - CJ
Mary had a little lamb,
She screwed it for Michael Winner;
And afterwards, when they were tired,
They chopped it up for dinner.
CJ
Mary had a little lamb,
With an enormous chopper;
And everywhere that that lamb went,
They'd cry "Cor, what a whopper!".
CJ
Mary had a little lamb,
It used to play with ducks;
Mary got quite worried, but
She thought that she should not discriminate against it just because of its
sexual preferences. After all, she'd screw anything with two or more (or
frequently less) legs, as long as it had the required components. And even
if he/she/it didn't, Mary was a very inventive girl.
CJ
Mary had a little lamb,
She thought it rather fetching;
Then she plied it with lots of booze,
And couldn't stop it wretching.
RJP
Mary stopped having little lambs,
Cos she'd had an operation;
This was a messy procedure,
Now sex is her only concelation.
TDS
Mary had a little lamb,
A giraffe and zebra too,
By the time she'd finished,
She'd fucked the whole damn zoo.
GRM
*********************************************
******************
* The Epilogue *
******************
Mary had a little lamb,
That gets me every time;
I can never work out what to say,
Or how to make it rhyme.
NWT & TDS
Mary had a little lamb,
Well what a bloody fuss;
Its not as if we really care,
So why the hell tell us.
PAL
Mary had a little lamb,
This rhyme is getting boring;
With all these crap variations,
Someone stop me snoring.
TDS
***************************************************************************
*******************
* CONTRIBUTORS: *
*******************
CJ Chris Jeans
PAL Paul A Lindfield
PE From 'Private Eye'
TDS Tim Saxton
PDC Peter Cox
MKT Mark Thompson
NWT Nigel Thorne
REG Richard George
MG Mark Green
GRM Graeme Maclean
RJP Rob Powell
SDB Steve Brinton
MA Merlyn Albery
*************************************
This space intentionally left blank
>
>In response to a thread I forward this...
>
> * *
> * THE MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB COMPENDIUM *
> * ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ *
> * *
> * Dedicated to the memory of Mary Hall. *
> * *
> *************************************************************************
They left out:
Mary had a little lamb,
Some lobster and some prunes,
A glass of milk,
A piece of pie,
And then some macaroons.
It made the naughty waiters grin,
To see her order so,
And when they carried Mary out,
Her face was white as snow!
-- Mike "don't know who wrote it" Bartman --
==============================================================================
| I didn't really say all the things that I said. You probably didn't read |
| what you thought you read. Statistics show that this whole thing is more |
| than likely just a hideous misunderstanding. |
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Hors d'oeuvres--a ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Steve Hitch
The sheep turned out to be a ram,
--
Steve Hitch
INTERNET: Steve...@itd.sterling.com
Richard Davey
When Old Mac Donald had a farm,
The Midwife nearly died.
Mary had a little lamb,
She tied it to a pylon.
10,000 volts shot up its bum,
And turned its wool to nylon!
Mary had a little lamb,
She took it to a wedding.
She tied it to a near by tree,
And Kicked its f*****g head in!
Jester
<jes...@bs47c.staffs.ac.uk>
Charles Martin
JOHN AMSLER
: Mary had a little lamb,
: Jester
: <jes...@bs47c.staffs.ac.uk>
OK; here's some more mutton for nuttin':
Mary had a little lamb,
And then she had some more.
But after 15 helpings,
She threw up on the floor!
or
Mary had a little sheep
She took to bed to warm her feet.
The sheep turned out to be a ram;
Mary had a little lamb!
- John J. Amsler
"I bought a portable cable TV."
- Steven Wright
Dennis Schindler
MA>but her companion had the Sirloin Tips...
Mary had a little lamb
her constant source of joy
it fucked her the whole night long
and did it better than any boy.
Crash
*Mary had a little lamb,
*She thought it would be funny,
*To sell it to the butcher shop,
*And make a little money :-P
Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a bear,
I often saw her little lamb,
I never saw her bare.
--
\~~~~\ ~|~ |~~~~\ Michael J. Carman
\ /|\ | car...@badlands.NoDak.edu
) | | | |-- car...@plains.NoDak.edu
/ \|/ | mca...@caen.eng.und.NoDak.edu
/____/ _|_ |____/ IL Delta, Founding Father ND Alpha!
Mark Whitmer
and every time it turned around,
it left a small deposit.
Mary had a little lamb,
and now the lamb is dead;
it goes with her to school each day
between two hunks of bread.
And an extra bonus poem (not Mary had a little lamb):
A man may kiss his wife goodbye,
the rose may kiss the butterfly,
the wine may kiss the frosted glass,
and you, my friend, may kiss my ...
See ya'
Mark Whitmer
whit...@netcom.com
Dennis Schindler
Mary had a little lamb
I know that sounds corny
but stuff like that happens
when a sheep gets horny.
Mary had a little lamb
its fleece was white as snow
till her drunk old dad took a piss
and now it looks all yellow.
Mary had a little lamb
She took it for a walk,
and when no one was looking
she sucked its little cock.
Mary had a little lamb
she also had a duck
she snuck out every night
just to watch them fuck.
Mary had a little lamb
her mother wondered how
but when Mary had kittens
her mother had a cow.
Mary had some lambs
they grew up in her yard
one day they knocked her down
and fucked her really hard.
Mary had a little lamb
it kept her warm in bed
and as it grew into a ram
she learned to give it head.
Mary had a little lamb
she thought it was so cute
that his thing would get so big
whenever she wore her birthday suit.
Mary had a little lamb
with a bullseye on its rump
She sold it for twenty bucks
to that retard Forrest Gump.
Oisin Curtin
cause mary with her long sharp teeth
gave the lamb a hicky.
thor...@husc3.harvard.edu
Mary's Little Lamb
Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white as snow,
And everywhere that Mary went
The lamb was sure to go.
It followed her to the barn one day,
For eggs she was to hunt.
He put his nose under her clothes
To get a whiff of cunt.
Now, Mary was a naughty girl.
She didn't give a damn.
She let him have another sniff
Which killed that fucking lamb.
John Thornton
thor...@husc3.harvard.edu
Henderson-Thynne M
Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a duck.
She put them on the mantlepiece,
To see if they would get on well together.
>Alex Uloth.
Jeremy Erwen.
Vaughn Fritts
She carried it to school next day
Between two slabs of bread.
--
Address: CompuServe 74663,465
Yippikiyo
And everywhere that Mary went
The lamb was sure to go.
It followed her to school one day
A terrible thing to do.
For now the school cafeteria
Serves Mary's little lamb stew.
Ken Appell
} In article <whitmermD...@netcom.com>, whit...@netcom.com (Mark Whitmer) writes:
} }Mary had a little lamb,
} }and every time it turned around,
} }it left a small deposit.
} }
} }it goes with her to school each day
} }between two hunks of bread.
} }
} }
} Mary had a little lamb,
} She loved it very well;
} She fed it six sticks of dynamite
} And blew it all to . . . bits.
} or
} Mary had a little lamb,
} and some mashed potatos
Mary had a little lamb,
with mint jelly.
-=kEn=-
Mark Cain
Mary had a little lamb,
and asked for 17 other offences to be taken
into consideration
Mary had a little lamb,
the midwife died of shock
-------------------------------------------
| Mark Cain EMail ca...@lmhs.demon.co.uk
-------------------------------------------
Geraldo
Appell) wrote:
> I noticed on Tue, 16 May 1995 06:09:37 GMT, Eric W. Crabtree wrote:
> } In article <whitmermD...@netcom.com>, whit...@netcom.com (Mark
Whitmer) writes:
> } }Mary had a little lamb,
> } }she locked it in the closet,
> } }and every time it turned around,
> } }it left a small deposit.
> } }
> } }Mary had a little lamb,
> } }and now the lamb is dead;
> } }it goes with her to school each day
> } }between two hunks of bread.
> } }
> } }
>
> } Mary had a little lamb,
> } She loved it very well;
> } She fed it six sticks of dynamite
> } And blew it all to . . . bits.
>
> } or
>
> } Mary had a little lamb,
> } and some mashed potatos
>
> Mary had a little lamb,
> with mint jelly.
>
> -=kEn=-
Mary had a little lamb,
Full of leaps and frollics,
Everytime she through it up,
She caught it by the bolox.
Chris Rovers
Mary had a little lamb
She also had a duck
She put them on a windowsill
To see if they would................Fall
and its partner
Mary had a little lamb
She also had a doll
She put them on a windowsill
To see if they would................Fuck
Regards
Chris "I have a weird family" Rovers
--
----------------------------------------------------------
Chris Rovers cdro...@undergrad.math.uwaterloo.ca
Dion M Wiggins
: My sisters favorite (she goes around singing this one at times)
: Mary had a little lamb
: She also had a duck
: She put them on a windowsill
: To see if they would................Fall
: and its partner
: Mary had a little lamb
: She also had a doll
: She put them on a windowsill
: To see if they would................Fuck
Mary had a little drum,
She swallowed it, its gone!
Now everywhere that Mary goes,
The band goes marching on!!!
KAT...@ukcc.uky.edu
Mary had a little sheep,
And with this sheep she went to sleep.
She then found out it was a ram,
And Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb...
Nikk Katzman
University of Kentucky
130A Tobacco & Health Research Institute
Lexington, KY 40546-0236
e-mail: kat...@ukcc.uky.edu
My opinions are my own. Nobody else wants them.
=> May I be granted the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the vocal cords to gripe about it either way.
Brian J. Dooley
It had a willie.
--
***** BRIAN J. DOOLEY ***** 45 Aylesford St., Christchurch, NEW ZEALAND
email: Brian_...@equinox.gen.nz CompuServe: 75146,3212
phone (64) (3) 385-1367 mobile: (64) (25) 344-547
FAX: (NZ 2am to 8:30am, USA (Eastern) 10am to 2:30pm) (64) (3) 385-1367
Prisoner No. 73242318A
Mary had a little lamb
She tied it to a pylon
10,000 volts shot up its arse
And turned its wool to nylon
On Tue, 16 May 1995, Eric W. Crabtree wrote:
> In article <whitmermD...@netcom.com>, whit...@netcom.com (Mark Whitmer) writes:
> }Mary had a little lamb,
> }she locked it in the closet,
> }and every time it turned around,
> }it left a small deposit.
> }
> }Mary had a little lamb,
> }and now the lamb is dead;
> }it goes with her to school each day
> }between two hunks of bread.
> }
> }
>
> Mary had a little lamb,
> She loved it very well;
> She fed it six sticks of dynamite
> And blew it all to . . . bits.
>
> or
>
> Mary had a little lamb,
> and some mashed potatos
>
> --
> E. W. Crabtree (' ))`)
> "Try and I try but I don't understand, //`
> never seems to work out the way I have it planned" _//,._
> -- J. Buffett ---'------`---
>
>
>
>
>
Mimi Refici
How about......
Mary had a little lamb
She tied it to the heater
Everytime he turned around
he burned his little peter........
:
: Mary had a little sheep,
: And with this sheep she went to sleep.
: She then found out it was a ram,
: And Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb...
:
:
: Nikk Katzman
: University of Kentucky
: 130A Tobacco & Health Research Institute
: Lexington, KY 40546-0236
: e-mail: kat...@ukcc.uky.edu
:
: My opinions are my own. Nobody else wants them.
:
: => May I be granted the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
: Courage to change the things I can,
: And the vocal cords to gripe about it either way.
--
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
\ Life is like photography: What you lack in exposure, you make up /
/ for in development...... \
\ /
/ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ \
\ @@ @@ @@ @@ @@ @@ @@ /
/ \__/ \__/ \__/ \__/ \__/ \__/ \__/ \
\ /
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ryan Wilson
A chocolate soda topped with fizz
And oh how sick our Mary is.
--
Ryan Wilson
Portland, OR
uncle pervy
So she took it down the garden path
And kicked its little cunt in
Bill Keesing
10024...@CompuServe.COM says...
Heres my contribution
Mary had a little lamp,
It stood beneath a pylon.
Ten thousand volts shot up it's arse
and turned it's wool to nylon.
--
Bill Keesing
Auckland, New Zealand. The home of the America's Cup
Don't take life too seriously ... It's only a temporary situation :-)
See ya later