Why....

[Newsmaster]

Has anyone else noticed that when a new paper towel ad appears, the
older paper towel is suddenly less absorbent than when it was new?
How come the maker of 2000 Flushes Blue never came out with 2000 Flushes
Yellow? (George 18MAY97)
How come the posters advertising the Psychic Fair need the place and
time?
How come washing powders were 'Whiter than white' 30 years ago, and have
been improving ever since?
How come you never hear about gruntled employee's?
How do they get the Caramilk in the Caramilk bar?
How do they unclog mail chutes in skyscrapers?
How do you know if a certificate of authenticity is real? What do they
do, send you another one to prove it? How do you know THAT one's any
good?
How does Kraft get the five ounces of milk into every slice of Cheese?
How many licks does it really take to get to the center of a Tootsie
Pop?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, why do they have locks on the door?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
If a train station is where a train stops and a bus station is where a
bus stops, what's a workstation?
If all employees in a company are supposed to think in the same
direction, why do you need more than one employee?
If crime doesn't pay, does that mean my job is a crime? (Vanbooven
24JUN97)
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the
pan?
If you wish to make an improved product, does that mean you must already
be engaged in making an inferior one? (Don Woods 23MAY97)
If you work in a paperless office, what do you do if you have to take a
dump?
In Canada, all products being sold are required by law to have all
wording on the product in both English and French. So why doesn't this
apply to automobiles?
In New Mexico a long-established dry cleaner business is displaying a
sign that reads 38 years on the same spot. If you dropped off some
clothes to get dry cleaned, just when would you expect to get them back?
Is Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse? (Vanbooven 24JUN97)
Is it possible to get insurance on insurance? (Gayen Miller 17JUN97)
Is it true that a camel is only a horse that has been put together by a
committee? (Neil Enns 24JUN97)
Is the reason we call them SEMINARS (from the words 'semi' and 'arse')
because it implies any half-assed discussion?
Just how is it possible to get clothes Whiter Than White?
Nissan says their cars are Built For The Human Race. Just who else would
they build them for?
On Earth, packages are commonly labeled "This Side Up". Would it make
any difference out in space?
On the label of a bottle of Mott's Apple Juice, why does it says
"Plastic Bottle Excellent Source of Vitamin C"? (Lynn S 21JUN97)
The mouth wash commercial asks "Is your mouth a steamy 98.6 degrees?"
Which part of your body isn't 98.6 degrees?
We have all seen those signs "New and Used Antiques". What qualifies as
a "new antique"? (Lynn S 21JUN97)
What happened to the first 6 "UP"s?
What is the purpose of those signs that read Sale 50% Off Now On? Does
this mean that all items are regular price?
When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
When we fill out a form, why do we say we fill it in?
Where are preparations A through G?
Who decided "Hotpoint" would be a good name for a company that sells
refrigerators?
Who took the bite out of the apple logo?
Why is it that when someone knows more and more about less and less
until they know absolutely everything about nothing, are called experts?
Why are there so many ads for the Yellow Pages in the Yellow Pages?
Why can't I find any illegal-sized paper? (Steven 17MAY97)
Why did they call it Coca-Cola when it contains neither coca nor cola?
(D.Cashman 28MAY97)
Why do Antique Shops have signs in their windows reading "New Items
Arriving Daily"?
Why do Bookstores advertise "Rare, Out-of-Print, and Non-Existent
Books"? If this is the case, can you use non-existent money to buy them?
(Frank S 21JUN97)
Why do hair shampoo instructions say "Lather. Rinse. Repeat"? If you did
this, would you ever be able to stop?
Why do most bosses tell you to not think just do what your told? How is
this possible?
Why do new hammers have a sticker that says "Caution - Do not use this
hammer to strike any solid object"?
Why do people, after giving a presentation, ask if there are any
questions? They must have missed this web site.
Why do Real Estate companies advertise Classic New Homes? If its a
Classic then it must be old...Right?
Why do some advertisements say "Free with Purchase"? If you have to
purchase something then its not free is it?
Why do some advertisements tell us not to attempt it at home? If we
can't do it, then why bother showing us in the first place?
Why do some clothing stores advertise Wonderful bargains for men with 16
and 17 necks? Do they really expect a lot of customers?
Why do some restaurants have a sign by the entrance that reads Please
wait for hostess to be seated? Aren't we the ones that want to sit down
to eat?
Why do some stores offer the service "Ears pierced free while you wait"?
Where else are you going to go? (Lynn S 21JUN97)
Why do some stores, when having a sale, display a sign that reads Entire
store 25% Off? Do you have to buy the whole store, or can you just pick
out a few items of interest?
Why do the instructions on bottles of deodorant say "Rub onto
underarms"? Where else are you going to put it? In your hair?
Why do the little washer towels that some restaurants provide you with
after you have had something messy to eat say "Open, unfold and use"?
What else would you do with them?
Why do they advertise Cordless Screwdrivers? Have you ever seen a
screwdriver with a cord? (jd 05JUN97)
Why do they advertise the "World Famous, Secret Caverns"? Which is it,
Famous or Secret? (Lynn S 21JUN97)
Why do they call them briefings when they take so long?
Why do they call themselves Attorneys at Law? What other kind are there?
Attorneys at Painting...Attorneys at Garbage Collecting. (BoogieMan
21JUN97)
Why do they have the label on milk carton's saying "Open here"? Why do
you have to open there? Why can't you open it on say, the other side?
Why do they mark containers "This end up?" If you can read the marking,
isn't that end already up?
Why do they put a warning on the outside of a box of light sensitive
photographic paper that reads "OPEN ONLY IN TOTAL DARKNESS. SEE FURTHER
INSTRUCTIONS INSIDE"? (Lynn S 21JUN97)
Why do they say "New and Improved"? How can it be new if it was
improved?
Why do they tell you not to eat the plastic wrapping on the fruit roll
ups package? (Sarah 21JUN97)
Why do we say Former Experience on our Resume's? How can we have
experience thats not former?
Why do women's restroom toilets have liftable seats?
Why does McDonalds call it a drive thru when you have to drive AROUND
the building?
Why does McDonalds have Parking for Drive-Thru Customers Only? If they
are driving thru then they don't need to park...Right? (Lynn S 21JUN97)
Why does the AT&T logo look like the Death Star?
Why does the Otis Elevator Company in Albany, NY only have one floor?
(Bill Wemple 05JUN97)
Why don't they just call 7-11 stores 18's?
Why is a store that's open 24 hours a day called 7-11?
Why is it if you steal from one resource it's called plagiarism, but if
you steal from two it's called research? (Kouly 23MAY97)
Why is it that at a meeting, minutes are kept but the hours are lost?
(Ken Booth 16MAY97)
Why is it that every time you go through the drive-thru window at
McDonalds you can understand everything those people say, except how
much it's gonna cost? (peter 20JUN97)
Why is it that if a package says Easy open package then its almost
assured that it is not easy to open? (Chatzie Massey 17JUN97)
Why is it that in prison they spend the majority of their time in a 8' x
10'cell and at work, I spend most of my time in a 6' x 8' pod?
Why is it that Insurance always seems to cover everything except what
happens?
Why is it that international magazines that advertise products will have
the same description of something in different languages, but the
description of each language is written in english? Who's that supposed
to benefit?
Why is it that no amount of planning will ever replace dumb luck?
Why is it that the less important you are in a company, the more your
tardiness or absence is noticed?
Why is it that the speaker with the most monotonous voice speaks after
the big meal?
Why is it that those whose approval you seek the most give you the
least? (Don Woods 23MAY97)
Why is it that truck deliveries that normally take one day will take
five when you are waiting for the truck? (Don Woods 23MAY97)
Why is it that when a person says that, in the interest of saving time,
he will summarize his prepared statement, he winds up talking three
times as long as if he had read the statement in the first place? (Don
Woods 23MAY97)
Why is it that when they show a computer ad they show computers and when
they show a car ad they show cars but when they show a condom ad they
show people playing tennis?
Why is it that whenever you set out to do something, something else must
always be done first? (Joel 16MAY97)
Why is it that you always meet your boss in the stairwell when you try
to sneak away from work early?
Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies,
and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you
get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?
Why is the Hooked on Phonics number 1-800-abcdefg? How are you supposed
to call that if you can't read?
Why is there a mailbox in front of the post office?
Why is there only one company making the game Monopoly?
Why is toilet paper advertised as "facial quality"? Do you really intend
to use it on your face?
You know how most packages say Open here. What is the protocol if the
package says, Open somewhere else?

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