Mary and her lamb
Marquita Yvette Thomas
Her father shot it dead
Now she carries it to school each day
Between two pieces of bread!
-Darrin Nottingham
Mary had a little sheep
With the sheep she went to sleep
The sheep turned out to be a ram
Mary had a little lamb.
-M.Thomas
Any more?
Oke S
She also had a cat.
But Tommy Cooper came along,
And killed it "just like that".
Mary had a little bike,
She rode it on the grass,
And every time the wheels went round
The spokes went up her arse.
Simon.
Shivanand Sawant
OH Yes!!!
Mary had a little sheep
With the sheep she went to sleep
The sheep turned out to be a ram
Mary had a little lamb.
Then the midwife was treated for a shock!!
-Kirti Prabhu
James Lamunyon
I had always thought it went like:
Mary had a little lamb,
Whose fleece was white as snow.
Everywhere that Mary went,
The lamb was sure to go.
Then one day the price of meat went up,
Which did not quite please her.
Tonight Mary is having leg of lamb,
The rest is in the freezer.
-Author unknown (to me)
Disclaimer: Jokes are like farts, everyone likes their own best!!
fram...@skitzo.dseg.ti.com
She tied it to a heater
and everytime it turned around
it burned his little peter.
Samuel Stoddard
>Her father shot it dead
>Now she carries it to school each day
>Between two pieces of bread!
> -Darrin Nottingham
Along similar lines:
Mary had a little lamb,
You've heard this story before.
But did you know she passed her plate,
And had a little more?
--
***** The Rink ***** GEEZ Mahn, I surrounded by amateurs! -- Sebastian
*** ***
* s...@kepler.unh.edu * I sure think this e-mail is slick; I don't even
*** *** have to taste the stamp! -- Troy Ames Young
***** Cheers!! *****
Jason Zarin
Path: jade.tufts.edu!bu.edu!olivea!apple!netcomsv!shiva
From: sh...@netcom.COM (Shivanand Sawant)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Date: 22 Jan 92 17:11:01 GMT
References: <205...@tiger.oxy.edu>
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Lines: 21
Here's Another One
------------------
When Mary had a little lamb,
The Doctor was surprised.
But when Old MacDonald had a farm.
The Doctor nearly died!
--
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jason Zarin !
jza...@jade.tufts.edu ! "The problem with being middle-of-the-road is
"GO JUMBOS!!!" ! you tend to get run over!" -- me
Sandy Walsh
Then she stuck out her plate again,
and had a little more.
---
Sandy Walsh - Memorial University of Newfoundland - CS Dept
I've been carving you, to see what form you take.
You were hiding in ivory, I just wanted to free your shape.
- The Tragically Hip (sa...@garfield.cs.mun.ca)
Andrew_-_...@cup.portal.com
> Her father shot it dead
> Now she carries it to school each day
> Between two pieces of bread!
> -Darrin Nottingham
>
> Mary had a little sheep
> With the sheep she went to sleep
> The sheep turned out to be a ram
> Mary had a little lamb.
> -M.Thomas
: Mary had a little lamb
: She tied it to a heater
: and everytime it turned around
: it burned his little peter.
Mary had a little lamb
She fed it beans and buns
It broke the land speed record
With jet-propulsion runs.
- lord snooty
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
| lord snooty @the giant | crazy AIDS, crazy cigarette taxes, crazy DUI |
| poisoned electric head | penalties, crazy 55 mph; welcome to the 90s. |
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. J.J. Willmott
Hello,
Here is another Mary and Her Little Lamb verse.
Mary had a little lamb,
It was full of fun and frolicks,
It tried to jump a six foot fence,
And landed on its elbows.
============================================================================
|Name:Jamie "WeirdWolf" Willmott | " Smoke me a kipper, |
|Deg :Comp.sci with French | I'll be back for breakfast! " |
|Coll:University of Liverpool |========================================|
|Mail:scs...@uk.ac.liv.uxa |Be Bodacious..Be Awesome..Be EX-CEL-ENT!|
============================================================================
Stephen Lambie
OK here we go.
Mary had a little lamb
She tied it to a pylon
Four thousand volts went up its bum
And turned its wool to nylon
+----------------------------+------------------------------------------------+
| Stephen Lambie | |
| s...@dcs.ed.ac.uk | "If somebody laughed you got quite big bits." |
| step...@castle.ed.ac.uk | Ivor Cutler |
| Juge...@ed.ac.uk | |
| | |
+----------------------------+------------------------------------------------+
Walter R Trachim
>>Mary had a little lamb
>>Her father shot it dead
>>Now she carries it to school each day
>>Between two pieces of bread!
>> -Darrin Nottingham
>
>
>Along similar lines:
>
>Mary had a little lamb,
>You've heard this story before.
>But did you know she passed her plate,
>And had a little more?
I've heard modified versions of this in the cheering sections of sporting
events:
Mary had a little lamb
She also had a duck
She put them on the window sill
To see if they would f**k
--
|wa...@unhsst.unh.edu |Walter R. Trachim == University of New Hampshire |
|w...@kepler.unh.edu |Network Services, Durham, NH 03824 |
|w_tr...@unhh.unh.edu|Voice: (603)862-4742 Fax: (603)862-2030 |
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"When you're up to your ass in alligators, it's hard to remember that your
initial objective was to drain the swamp." --Marine Corps Proverb
CIS 860 Student
Okay, you asked. A "poem" from 1983...
MINDSETS I
----------
Wench Mary hadda lamb
Sheared its wool off, fed it Spam
Kilt it, ate it, belched.
'Twas there once Maid Mary Fair
With lamb which wore white-wooly-hair
Thewy both would frolic without care
And lived quite happily after-ere.
Sleazy trollop Mary with her reamed and rancid sheep
Either one will bed you, but you won't be there to sleep!
Wonder which is cleaner?
O Mary-2-4-6-8-10
Wind your lamb-bot up again!
I yearn to hear the programmed bleat
Of your new model 'lectric sheep.
---
Remember, you asked.
Phil Weingart
Mary had a little lamb
She fed it kerosene
One day it got close to the fire
Since then it's not benzene.
--------
Mary had a little lamb,
A lobster and some prunes,
A glass of milk, a piece of pie,
And then some macaroons.
It made the naughty waiters grin
To see her order so,
And when they carried Mary out
Her face was white as snow.
------------
Mary had a little lamb,
A little pork, a little jam,
A little eggs, a little toast,
Some pickles, and a great big roast,
An ice cream soda, topped with fizz,
And boy, how sick our Mary is!
______________________________________________________________________________
philip k. weingart How do you turn up the intelligence
wein...@wesley.imagen.com on your TV? I tried changing the
Disclaimer: My opinions are my own. brightness, but it didn't work.
Gallagher
mulv...@mof.govt.nz
> Mary had a little lamb...
> Any more?
How about
Mary had a little lamb
It was a greedy glutton
She fed it ice-cream all day long
And now it's frozen mutton.
--
**** Why is the symbol for anarchy always written the same way? ****
Damian Mulvena Phone: +64 7 347 5446
Forest Research Institute Internet: mulv...@mof.govt.nz
Rotorua, NEW ZEALAND Bitnet: mulvenad%mof.g...@uunet.uu.net
Andrew Goodwin
Here's another .....
Mary had a little lamb
she tied it to a plylon
20,000 volts went up its arse
and turned its wool to nylon...
Gumby.
Andrew L. Roberts
The doctors were surprised;
When old McDonald had a farm,
The doctors nearly died!
+-----------------------+---------------------------------------------+
| Andrew L. Roberts |"I don't pretend to understand the universe, |
+-----------------------+ it's much bigger than I am." |
| robe...@unix2.tcd.ie | --Albert Einstein |
+-----------------------+---------------------------------------------+
Clive Rich
Mary had a little lamb,
I've often seen her little lamb,
but I've never seen her bear
Clive
Clive B. Rich, Software Development Division, British Telecom Labs,
Martlesham Heath, IPSWICH, UK, IP5 7RE Phone: +44 473 642518
e-mail: cr...@axion.bt.co.uk Path: ..!mcsun!ukc!axion!crich
gsbs...@utsph.sph.uth.tmc.edu
But did you know she often had Sam?
'twas quite a triangular affair!
timr.
Samuel Stoddard
If ANYBODY says ANYTHING about MELISSA, they'll get SHOT!!!!!
--Sam.
Andrew - Palfreyman
>of that we're all aware.
>But did you know she often had Sam?
>'twas quite a triangular affair!
: If ANYBODY says ANYTHING about MELISSA, they'll get SHOT!!!!!
: --Sam.
Mary had a little lamb,
'Twas male - a great French kisser,
But she a raving lesbian
Much preferred the company of large female mountain goats
hehe.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
| lord snooty @the giant | if what we believe were not strongly linked to |
| poisoned electric head | what we like to believe, we'd be even crazier. |
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric Rescorla
>>Mary had a little lamb,
>>of that we're all aware.
>>But did you know she often had Sam?
>>'twas quite a triangular affair!
>
>
>If ANYBODY says ANYTHING about MELISSA, they'll get SHOT!!!!!
#define Mary Melissa
-Ekr
--
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric Rescorla, DoD#431, Honda CM400 rider resc...@rtnmr.chem.yale.edu
Yale University Department of Chemistry We hack anything.
My mind is now for rent: C/Unix,Vacuum Tech,Machining,P-Chemist. Hire me, eh?
Matt Knight
>If ANYBODY says ANYTHING about MELISSA, they'll get SHOT!!!!!
Now who the hell is this Melissa?
Matt
==============================================================================================
Matt Knight m...@uk.ac.nott.cs
Nottingham University, Dept. of Computer Science "I'd rather be surfing..."
==============================================================================================
Samuel Stoddard
>
>Now who the hell is this Melissa?
You are a new rec.humor'er, aren't you? Melissa is famous on this newsgroup.
Notorious for her flames. I happened to agree with her on certain points, and
because of my support, the entire world believes I want to sleep with her.
Don't ask why. rec.humor is a very sporadic newsgroup. Totally unpredictable.
--
----------------------------------------------------------------------
| The Rink |
----------------------------------------------------------------------
| Disclaimer: It wasn't me! Alien beings from Andromeda threatened |
| to kill me with their lightsabers if I didn't write this!!!!!!!!!! |
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hi... My name is Hobbes. I'm the product of a malicious 5-year old's
twisted and destructive imagination. Would YOU like to be my friend?"
Enter Username Here
>>>If ANYBODY says ANYTHING about MELISSA, they'll get SHOT!!!!!
>>
>>Now who the hell is this Melissa?
>
>
>You are a new rec.humor'er, aren't you? Melissa is famous on this newsgroup.
>Notorious for her flames. I happened to agree with her on certain points, and
>because of my support, the entire world believes I want to sleep with her.
>
Besides, generally, very little sleeping is involved (with me, in any case).
Hmmm, humor
Malefactor
--
"I mean, if I went around sayin' that I was an Emperor, just becasue some
moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."
sdea...@cc.curtin.edu.au
>
>>If ANYBODY says ANYTHING about MELISSA, they'll get SHOT!!!!!
>
> Now who the hell is this Melissa?
>
> Matt
>
Jim Hollenback
but I have never seen her bare
Paul
Melissa is another one of those Wankie users who can't take a joke. She is
easily offended by jokes like:
Why shouldn't you run over a black guy riding a bike?
It might be your bike.
I think she's also offended by jokes like:
What can a blonde put on her ears to become more attractive?
Her Ankles.
So Don't put any jokes like that on the net, or Melissa will get offended
and flame you. 2 months ago, i remember the Melissa Flame Wars. It wasn't
a pretty picture.
Tom Koziatek
>>
>>Now who the hell is this Melissa?
>
>
>You are a new rec.humor'er, aren't you? Melissa is famous on this newsgroup.
>Notorious for her flames. I happened to agree with her on certain points, and
>because of my support, the entire world believes I want to sleep with her.
>
>Don't ask why. rec.humor is a very sporadic newsgroup. Totally unpredictable.
>
Nonsense, Sam. BTW, I want to sleep with you too.
-Melissa
Ajeetsingh Khurana
I have been following the elephant jokes on the net, and here is
one that hasn't appeared in the recent past
Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?
A: The elephants are coming.
Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming, wearing dark
glasses?
A: Nothing, he did not recognize them.
--
Ajeet Singh Khurana | A scholar is he who doesnt repeat his mistakes
aj...@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu | but rather makes new ones.
Bart Simps... er.. Oktay Ahiska
>
>-Melissa
Oh my! We are witnessing the dawn of the 1-900 newsgroups! $5 first
message, $1 each additional message.
Oktay
Ps: hi Sam :-)
--
_________________________________________________________________
\ Oktay Ahiska \ I speak for myself. \ Send me mail. \
/ Dept. of CS, UNH / The ideas are mine, / Send me mail. /
\ Durham, NH 03824 \ the computers are UNH's. \ Send me mail. \
John Stracke
>In article <1992Jan25....@nic.unh.edu> s...@kepler.unh.edu (Samuel Stoddard) writes:
>>If ANYBODY says ANYTHING about MELISSA, they'll get SHOT!!!!!
>Now who the hell is this Melissa?
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/===========================================================================\
|John (Francis) Stracke |My opinions are my own. |
|Natl. Science Center Foundation|===========================================|
|Augusta, GA |Beware of wizards, for you are |
|fra...@dogwood.atl.ga.us | crunchy and good with ketchup. |
\===========================================================================/
(Formerly fra...@zaphod.uchicago.edu)
--
--