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Internet Oracularities Digest #1505
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Oct 9, 2012, 8:30:14 AM10/9/12
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----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Tue, 09 Oct 12 08:30:00 -0500
From: Steve Kinzler <kin...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularities Digest #1505
To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to
participate, send mail to ora...@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help"
in the subject line, or go to http://www.cs.indiana.edu/~oracle/ or
http://www.internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of
Stephen B Kinzler.)
Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracl...@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to
this message). For example:
1505
2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1
1500 23 votes 1064c 13874 17744 044b4 26555 45671 1ab10 48740 18833 36833
1500 3.1 mean 4.1 3.4 3.1 3.7 3.2 2.8 2.5 2.5 3.0 2.9
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 09 Oct 12 08:30:01 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1505-01
Selected-By: twc...@mindspring.com
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Is romance all it's cracked up to be?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Yes it is. On the other hand, crack's not romantic at all.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 09 Oct 12 08:30:02 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1505-02
Selected-By: twc...@mindspring.com
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> All right, I'm confused.
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Well, I can understand why! Coming up the front steps, you trod upon
} the Secret Step of Serendipity which is, of course, booby-trapped.
} The explosion hurled you up onto the Mezzanine of Mediocrity, which is
} when the unemployed politicians jumped you. As the Temple Guards
} tried to intervene, somebody opened the cage of the Lustrous Lion. It
} turned up its nose at the ex-politicians and attacked the Guards
} instead, preventing them from helping you. In the meantime, your
} captors were hustling your slightly burned body into the Den of
} Donations, where they stole your wallet. Dazed and confused, you
} wandered out of there into the Hallway of Hysteria, where you
} apparently had some kind of fit. A passing maid found you and dragged
} you into the Foyer of Fantastic Beasts. Normally, that would have
} been a fine place for you to recover, but unfortunately, the smoke
} rising from your smoldering clothing confused the Phoenix, which
} spontaneously combusted, thereby setting fire to the Portcullis of
} Prosperity. When the ropes burned through, the portcullis crashed to
} the ground, spilling the day's donations across the floor and
} startling the Unicorn of Ubiquity, which started running around so
} fast it appeared to be everywhere at once. At some point, it scooped
} you up with its horn and hurled you through the doorway into the
} Atrium of Audience, where I happened to be, listening to supplicants.
} I quickly revived you with my patented facial cream, not available in
} any store, but available to you right now for the low, low price of
} only $49.99 per tube. But wait, there's more! If you order right
} now, I'll also throw in a Ronco Turnip Twaddler for free! That's
} right, free!
}
} You don't owe the Oracle anything. Just lie back, and repeat this
} soothing mantra: "I will not sue. I will become the Oracle's
} downline. I will not sue. I will become the Oracle's downline....."
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 09 Oct 12 08:30:03 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1505-03
Selected-By: Christophe <x...@chanticleer.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> What proof is there that Mark did such things?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} We have the word of Matthew, Luke and John.
}
} Also check the works of Sam Clemens.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 09 Oct 12 08:30:04 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1505-04
Selected-By: Ian Davis
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
>
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Hey!
} Who put my 'Good supplicant' list on Wikileaks?
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 09 Oct 12 08:30:05 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1505-05
Selected-By: Ian Davis
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Uh, how do I get past security?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Go to future security and wait.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 09 Oct 12 08:30:06 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1505-06
Selected-By: Dave <lighti...@gmail.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> I planed to go home after breakfast but now my teeth are stuck in my
> nose. Is this the Great Inca Curse, or am I just praying to the wrong
> gods and oracles?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} The problem isn't who you're praying to, it's that you're merely
} praying. Ask not what your gods and oracles can do for you, ask what
} you can do for your gods and oracles.
}
} For example, I foresee that as long as the Oracle doesn't have a new
} Kindle Fire HD 8.9" 4G LTE, you will continue to have michina dentata.
}
} You owe the Oracle a new Kindle Fire HD 8.9" 4G LTE. (32 GB is fine,
} but the 64 GB model means six more weeks without athlete's foot.)
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 09 Oct 12 08:30:07 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1505-07
Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" <lawre...@osu.edu>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> What on earth possessed Jake to cheat on his girlfriend?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} In a word, <CENSORED>. Jake really enjoyed the <CENSORED> on his
} girlfriend, but the <CENSORED> that <CENSORED> had, and the way she
} offered to <CENSORED> his <CENSORED> make Jake <CENSORED>, especially
} since Jake hadn't <CENSORED> in <CENSORED>, and hadn't <CENSORED> at
} all since he and his girlfriend started <CENSORED>. If only <CENSORED>
} had <CENSORED> Jake's <CENSORED>, then perhaps Jake would have been
} true. But since <CENSORED> <CENSORED> and <CENSORED>, the <CENSORED>
} only leaves one <CENSORED> for <CENSORED> to <CENSORED>. And that
} infallible truth is: <CENSORED>.
}
} This message has been approved by the Tea Party.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 09 Oct 12 08:30:08 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1505-08
Selected-By: Christophe <x...@chanticleer.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> You're familiar with WWJD, but what if someone had a sign that said,
> "What Would Dan Rather Do?" Is that talking about Dan Rather, or just
> "Dan"'s preferences?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} "Dan," rather than Dan Rather would think that "What Would Dan Rather
} Do?" means, rather than "What Would *Dan Rather* Do," "What Would 'Dan'
} Rather Do?" referring to "Dan," rather than Dan Rather. Dan Rather
} thinks that, rather than "Dan," "What Would Dan Rather Do?" means "What
} Would *Dan Rather* Do," rather than "What Would 'Dan' Rather Do?". Dan
} Rather, rather than "Dan," is correct.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 09 Oct 12 08:30:09 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1505-09
Selected-By: Christophe <x...@chanticleer.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> You're so vain, you probably think this question is directed to you?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Did you know that over 75% of supplicants take generalizations
} personally?
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 09 Oct 12 08:30:10 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1505-10
Selected-By: Ian Davis
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> O.O
> v
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} WELL, THE WATER WAS COLD!
------------------------------
End of Internet Oracularities Digest #1505
******************************************
Date: Tue, 09 Oct 12 08:30:00 -0500
From: Steve Kinzler <kin...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularities Digest #1505
To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to
participate, send mail to ora...@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help"
in the subject line, or go to http://www.cs.indiana.edu/~oracle/ or
http://www.internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of
Stephen B Kinzler.)
Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracl...@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to
this message). For example:
1505
2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1
1500 23 votes 1064c 13874 17744 044b4 26555 45671 1ab10 48740 18833 36833
1500 3.1 mean 4.1 3.4 3.1 3.7 3.2 2.8 2.5 2.5 3.0 2.9
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 09 Oct 12 08:30:01 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1505-01
Selected-By: twc...@mindspring.com
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Is romance all it's cracked up to be?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Yes it is. On the other hand, crack's not romantic at all.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 09 Oct 12 08:30:02 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1505-02
Selected-By: twc...@mindspring.com
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> All right, I'm confused.
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Well, I can understand why! Coming up the front steps, you trod upon
} the Secret Step of Serendipity which is, of course, booby-trapped.
} The explosion hurled you up onto the Mezzanine of Mediocrity, which is
} when the unemployed politicians jumped you. As the Temple Guards
} tried to intervene, somebody opened the cage of the Lustrous Lion. It
} turned up its nose at the ex-politicians and attacked the Guards
} instead, preventing them from helping you. In the meantime, your
} captors were hustling your slightly burned body into the Den of
} Donations, where they stole your wallet. Dazed and confused, you
} wandered out of there into the Hallway of Hysteria, where you
} apparently had some kind of fit. A passing maid found you and dragged
} you into the Foyer of Fantastic Beasts. Normally, that would have
} been a fine place for you to recover, but unfortunately, the smoke
} rising from your smoldering clothing confused the Phoenix, which
} spontaneously combusted, thereby setting fire to the Portcullis of
} Prosperity. When the ropes burned through, the portcullis crashed to
} the ground, spilling the day's donations across the floor and
} startling the Unicorn of Ubiquity, which started running around so
} fast it appeared to be everywhere at once. At some point, it scooped
} you up with its horn and hurled you through the doorway into the
} Atrium of Audience, where I happened to be, listening to supplicants.
} I quickly revived you with my patented facial cream, not available in
} any store, but available to you right now for the low, low price of
} only $49.99 per tube. But wait, there's more! If you order right
} now, I'll also throw in a Ronco Turnip Twaddler for free! That's
} right, free!
}
} You don't owe the Oracle anything. Just lie back, and repeat this
} soothing mantra: "I will not sue. I will become the Oracle's
} downline. I will not sue. I will become the Oracle's downline....."
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 09 Oct 12 08:30:03 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1505-03
Selected-By: Christophe <x...@chanticleer.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> What proof is there that Mark did such things?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} We have the word of Matthew, Luke and John.
}
} Also check the works of Sam Clemens.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 09 Oct 12 08:30:04 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1505-04
Selected-By: Ian Davis
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
>
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Hey!
} Who put my 'Good supplicant' list on Wikileaks?
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 09 Oct 12 08:30:05 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1505-05
Selected-By: Ian Davis
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Uh, how do I get past security?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Go to future security and wait.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 09 Oct 12 08:30:06 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1505-06
Selected-By: Dave <lighti...@gmail.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> I planed to go home after breakfast but now my teeth are stuck in my
> nose. Is this the Great Inca Curse, or am I just praying to the wrong
> gods and oracles?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} The problem isn't who you're praying to, it's that you're merely
} praying. Ask not what your gods and oracles can do for you, ask what
} you can do for your gods and oracles.
}
} For example, I foresee that as long as the Oracle doesn't have a new
} Kindle Fire HD 8.9" 4G LTE, you will continue to have michina dentata.
}
} You owe the Oracle a new Kindle Fire HD 8.9" 4G LTE. (32 GB is fine,
} but the 64 GB model means six more weeks without athlete's foot.)
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 09 Oct 12 08:30:07 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1505-07
Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" <lawre...@osu.edu>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> What on earth possessed Jake to cheat on his girlfriend?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} In a word, <CENSORED>. Jake really enjoyed the <CENSORED> on his
} girlfriend, but the <CENSORED> that <CENSORED> had, and the way she
} offered to <CENSORED> his <CENSORED> make Jake <CENSORED>, especially
} since Jake hadn't <CENSORED> in <CENSORED>, and hadn't <CENSORED> at
} all since he and his girlfriend started <CENSORED>. If only <CENSORED>
} had <CENSORED> Jake's <CENSORED>, then perhaps Jake would have been
} true. But since <CENSORED> <CENSORED> and <CENSORED>, the <CENSORED>
} only leaves one <CENSORED> for <CENSORED> to <CENSORED>. And that
} infallible truth is: <CENSORED>.
}
} This message has been approved by the Tea Party.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 09 Oct 12 08:30:08 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1505-08
Selected-By: Christophe <x...@chanticleer.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> You're familiar with WWJD, but what if someone had a sign that said,
> "What Would Dan Rather Do?" Is that talking about Dan Rather, or just
> "Dan"'s preferences?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} "Dan," rather than Dan Rather would think that "What Would Dan Rather
} Do?" means, rather than "What Would *Dan Rather* Do," "What Would 'Dan'
} Rather Do?" referring to "Dan," rather than Dan Rather. Dan Rather
} thinks that, rather than "Dan," "What Would Dan Rather Do?" means "What
} Would *Dan Rather* Do," rather than "What Would 'Dan' Rather Do?". Dan
} Rather, rather than "Dan," is correct.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 09 Oct 12 08:30:09 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1505-09
Selected-By: Christophe <x...@chanticleer.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> You're so vain, you probably think this question is directed to you?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Did you know that over 75% of supplicants take generalizations
} personally?
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 09 Oct 12 08:30:10 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1505-10
Selected-By: Ian Davis
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> O.O
> v
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} WELL, THE WATER WAS COLD!
------------------------------
End of Internet Oracularities Digest #1505
******************************************
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