I can assure you that I am certainly not Jewish

[kolexy]

Issy rings the bell of a very wealthy person's house in Hampstead
Garden Suburb and when the owner comes to the door, Issy greets him.
"Sholom Aleichem, Mr. Goldstein. I'm collecting for the Loads of Money
Yeshivah, and I'm wondering if a nice wealthy Jewish person like
yourself wouldn't want to make a little contribution."
"The name is Gold, not Goldstein, and I am not Jewish."
"Are you sure?" asks Issy.
"I'm positive".
"But", says Issy, "it says here that you're Jewish and my records are
never wrong."
"I can assure you that I am certainly not Jewish", replies Mr Gold
impatiently.
"Look sir, I know that my records are never wrong. You must be joking.
Are you sure you aren't Jewish?" demands Issy.
"For the last time, I am not Jewish, my father is not Jewish, and my
grandfather, alav hashalom, wasn't Jewish either!"