Random Thoughts
Ray
For my friends ...........
The first prize in the raffle is a CD of Marcel Marceau's greatest hits
Misers aren't fun to live with but they make wonderful ancestors
Act your age, not your I.Q.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half
by our children
May you live all the days of your life
The English have a remarkable talent for remaining calm even when there
is no crisis
George Bush and I were only discussing the other day the pretentiousness
of name-dropping
Hertz Van Rental is not a Dutch impressionist painter!
I just heard from Bill Bailey. He's not coming home
Negative thinking: On the day Edison invented the light bulb, the
headlines would have read "Disaster hits the candle-making industry!"
Telstra claims to have fewer problems than other utilities. That's only
because there are no nuclear telephones
Racetrack: A place where windows clean people
Why is it that women's petticoats sag, yet men's shirts creep up?
TV permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you
wouldn't ordinarily let into your house
There's an old saying - if you hear an owl hoot "whom" instead of "who",
it was probably born and educated in Boston
A television audience is a lot of people with nothing to do watching a
lot of people doing it
Banks lend billions of dollars to third world countries, but for us,
they chain down their pens
The place was so crowded, you couldn't breathe in and out. You had to
breathe up and down
Adult western. Where the hero still loves his horse, only now he's
worried about it
Tautology. 'Armed and dangerous". Ever heard of anyone being 'Armed and
gregarious or armed and helpful'?
If you want people to take notice of a Wet Paint sign, spell it Whet paynt
Lousy? He'd even steal a dead fly from a blind spider, and told his
children santa clause is too old to get around any more.
And now to the weather. Its zero outside. No temperature at all.
Women's libber at the service station. "Fill him up"
No man forgets where he buried the hatchet
When it come to giving, some people stop at nothing
"Shut up!" he explained
Never slap a man in the face if he's chewing tobacco
You write? What a coincidence, I read
Sleep faster, we need the pillows
I get up at 6 am every morning, no matter what time it is
We were so poor, chicken soup was the water we boiled the eggs in
A fly in the soup is better than no meat at all
My old age is probably explained by the fact that I did not touch
cigarettes, alcohol or women - until I was twelve years old
The difference between truth and fiction is that fiction has to make sense
How can something be pretty ugly or a little big?
We are involved in precision guessing
Work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do
What do nudists do with their car keys after locking the car?
What is called congestion on the roads is called intimacy in night clubs
Don't make the wrong mistakes
The easiest way to find something which is lost is to buy a replacement
If rocket scientists are so smart, why do they always count backwards?
If you tell people a star is ten billion miles away, they believe you.
Put a sign saying 'wet paint' and they feel an irresistible urge to
touch and check
Thank God I'm an atheist
A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg
Speaking of unemployment, the human brain has more than ten billion cells
My wife gave me a watch. It was waterproof, anti-magnetic, shockproof,
unbreakable, lifetime guarantee. I lost it
Some waiters in restaurants should visit the zoo and watch the turtles
zip by
Maybe the fish goes home and brags about the size of the bait he stole
There is a difference between wanting a job and wanting work
No one is too busy to tell you how busy they are
What can one expect of a day that begins with getting up in the morning?
Rain - something that, when you take an umbrella, it doesn't
I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs
A wise man will never plant more garden than his wife is capable of
taking care of
Punctuality is the art of arriving just in time to be indignant at the
lateness of others
Strip away the layer of artificial tinsel which he displays and get to
the real tinsel underneath
You can sleep on a matter before you decide - as long as you don't have
a competitor who doesn't need sleep
They don't make antiques like they used to
It comes in three sizes. Large, Giant and Super. I'll give you the small
one - Large
The watermelons were so big it wouldn't take many to make a dozen
Name two pronouns. Who? Me?
Among things science does not understand is why mosquitoes do not need sleep
I do not believe in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance
Et cetera: That which makes people believe you know more than you do
"Our answering machine is away for repair. This is a person speaking"
The brain is an organ with which we think we think
History is something that never happened, written by a person who was
not there
A person who dares waste one hour of time has not discovered the value
of life.
Sign on a gravestone, "What Are You Staring At!"
A book is a thing you look at when your TV is broken
A myth is something that was never true but always will be
Give me the luxuries of life and I will do without the necessities
Everyone has one thing they can do better than anyone else, even if it
is reading their own handwriting
The more I see of mankind, the more I like my dog
The human leg is a source of delight
It carries your weight and governs your height
Popular music is popular because a lot of people like it and for no
other reason
Ninety percent of all scientists who ever lived have not yet died
Research consists of going up alleys to see if they are blind
Fish and guests begin to smell after three days
regards
Ray
Marvin Margoshes
"Ray" <R...@somewhere.com> wrote in message
news:40AC776...@somewhere.com...
>
> For my friends ...........
<snip>
> Research consists of going up alleys to see if they are blind
That's a new definition, The one I learned as a student, and has shown
itself correct many times, is: "Reserach consists of repairing the leaks in
the apparatus."
Gorbag
"Marvin Margoshes" <physnos...@cloud9.net> wrote in message
news:10asgjr...@corp.supernews.com...
Along the same lines, (as a researcher) I always say something like
"Hey, if I knew what I was doing I'd be an engineer."
PSmith9626
I have always enjoyed the one given to me by a Fields Medalist:
" Research is ...creative collation."
best
Penny
"Of course, the trick is in the CREATIVE word.
Ray
Thanks. I'll add it to my list. I think it was Werner von Braun who
sadi, "Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what the hell I'm doing"
regards
Ray
Fred Rosenblatt
>
> The first prize in the raffle is a CD of Marcel Marceau's greatest hits
Which consists of a single line in one movie?
Ray
regards
Ray
Dave Bell
"Non!"
Dave
Eliyahu Rooff
"Fred Rosenblatt" <fre...@juno.com> wrote in message
news:61cb6731.04052...@posting.google.com...
Eliyahu