Feline Physics Laws
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Law of Cat Inertia: A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless
acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or
a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Motion: A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is
a really good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism: All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat
hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics: Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body,
except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching: A cat will stretch to a distance proportional
to the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping: All cats must sleep with people whenever
possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and
as comfortable as possible for the cat.
Law of Cat Elongation: A cat can make her body long enough to reach
just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on
it.
Law of Cat Obstruction: A cat must lay on the floor in such a position
to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.
Law of Cat Acceleration: A cat will accelerate at a constant rate,
until he gets good and ready to stop.
Law of Dinner Table Attendance: Cats must attend all meals when
anything good is served.
Law of Rug Configuration: No rug may remain in its naturally flat
state for very long.
Law of Obedience Resistance: A cat's resistance varies in proportion
to a human's desire for her to do something.
First Law of Energy Conservation: Cats know that energy can neither be
created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as
possible.
Second Law of Energy Conservation: Cats also know that energy can only
be stored by a lot of napping.
Law of Refrigerator Observation: If a cat watches a refrigerator long
enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
Law of Electric Blanket Attraction: Turn on an electric blanket and a
cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
Law of Random Comfort Seeking: A cat will always seek, and usually
take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
Law of Bag/Box Occupancy: All bags and boxes in a given room must
contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
Law of Cat Embarrassment: A cat's irritation rises in direct
proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
Law of Milk Consumption: A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared,
just to show you he can.
Law of Furniture Replacement: A cat's desire to scratch furniture is
directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
Law of Cat Landing: A cat will always land in the softest place
possible; often the mid-section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.
Law of Fluid Displacement: A cat immersed in milk will displace her
own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
Law of Cat Disinterest: A cat's interest level will vary in inverse
proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to
interest him.
Law of Pill Rejection: Any pill given to a cat has the potential
energy to reach escape velocity.
Law of Cat Composition: A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It
Doesn't Matter.
Bob K.
More cat humor --
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