Why Santa Converted
maxine in ri
Judaism to lessen his workload and decrease his stress.
Mr. Claus's first inkling that Judaism was his new intended path was
when he was unloading one particularly heavy bag of gifts and muttered
"Oy, Oy, Oy!" instead of "Ho, Ho, Ho!"
Santa took this as divine inspiration and began some serious
reflection on the matter. Mr. Claus sat down at his computer desk at
the North Pole and itemized the benefits of bringing toys to Jewish
children.
Most obvious, was that there were many fewer children to service,
approximately only 3,000,000 Jewish children, as opposed to almost
500,000,000 Christian children.
The next obvious benefit was that he had eight days of Hanukkah to
deliver all of these gifts instead of jamming the entire shipment into
one night, which constantly required the already weary Santa to travel
at the speed of light to accomplish the task.
Finally, the straw that broke the reindeer's back was the realization
that Jewish households had far more delicious cuisine to offer:
Gefilte fish,corned beef, pastrami, smoked salmon, chicken soup,
blintzes,Hebrew National hot dogs, knishes and the like are more
palatable than the milk and cookies he got bored with just after the
second century.
Circumcision won't be necessary for Santa, because that's already been
taken care of in a freak accident involving frostbite after getting
stuck in a tight chimney.
Santa has left the frigid, brutal confines of the North Pole and has
begun his toy shop anew in the sunny climate of Hollywood Beach,
Florida.
He has fired all of those annoying elves and replaced them with nice
Jewish retirees from Boston.*
[I never did find out what that asterix referred to. This was sent to
me by a friend in TO]
maxine in ri
Jeff
article by Martin Bodek, Santa Claus Converts to Judaism
(http://www.theknish.com/articles/santa-claus-converts-judaism/):
"Santa has left the frigid, brutal confines of the North Pole and has
begun his toy shop anew in the sunny climes of Miami Beach, Florida. He
has fired all of those annoying elves and replaced them with nice Jewish
retirees from New York."
"The last piece of the puzzle is legally changing his name to something
more in line with his new ethnic atmosphere. Beginning this Hannukah,
Santa Claus will heretofore be known as the Chimneyshtooper Rebbe."
maxine in ri
Thank you. It came to me as one of those pass-alongs that I usually
consider spam.
maxine in ri
Melanie Fogel
> He has fired all of those annoying elves and replaced them with nice
> Jewish retirees from Boston.*
>
> [I never did find out what that asterix referred to. This was sent to
> me by a friend in TO]
>
> maxine in ri
We've been seeing promos on our PBS station for a documentary on a bunch
of retirees in Boston now working in a factory. I suspect it'll be on
sometime in January.
--
Melanie Fogel
Freelance Editor & Writer (and long-time lurker)
Melanie Fogel
>
> He has fired all of those annoying elves and replaced them with nice
> Jewish retirees from Boston.*
>
> [I never did find out what that asterix referred to. This was sent to
> me by a friend in TO]
Tonight (Sunday) at 8 pm TVO shows a documentary "Pensioners Factory:
Working to 95."
>From the TVO website:
Seventy-four is the average age of the employees at the Vita Needle
Company near Boston. The boss, Frederik Hartmann, swears by his 35
working pensioners, aged between 75 and 96, stating that they are the key
to the company’s long-standing success.
You can watch a video preview here:
http://www.newswire.ca/en/releases/mmnr/tvo/december2009/