Warning! Dangerous Contamination!

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Eric Lechner

Feb 21, 1990, 6:30:06 AM2/21/90
(something a friend and myself wrote up sometime last year...)


Recently, it has been discovered that our water system has been
contaminated with a hazardous chemical. This chemical is colorless,
odorless, tasteless, and dissolves completely in water. No action
has been taken regarding this dangerous contamination. This
substance is dihydrogen monoxide, and has the following properties:

o It is used as in industrial solvent and coolant, and is used
in the production of styrofoam.

o It is used in many forms of animal research.

o It is used in the distribution of deadly pesticides.

o It is an integral part of the operation of nuclear power plants.

o It accelerates corrosion and rusting.

o It contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.

o Inhalation of the substance has been shown to cause death.

o In certain forms, this chemical can cause severe burns, cloud
the atmosphere, and may contribute to the "greenhouse effect".
It can also damage concrete and glass, as well as the surfaces
or roadways. It may also be related to electrical failures,
and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes.

o It may have been a factor in the destruction of the Space
Shuttle "Challenger".

o It has been directly linked to thousands of deaths in third-world
countries, especially those which do not have the resources to
properly deal with the threat, or treat people who have come into
contact with it.

o Quantities of this substance have been found in our rivers, lakes,
streams, oceans, reservoirs, and now our local water system. It
has also permeated the atmosphere, and has contaminated ground

o No current form of water purification can completely eliminate
the deadly substance.

o Our government has spent millions of dollars in an attempt to
control and contain this dangerous chemical.

o Every day, hundreds of secret research facilities receive tons
of it through a highly sophisticated underground distribution
network. Many store quantities for later use.

o Several government agencies are tracking the degree of contamination
throughout the world.

o This administration has not dealt with the problem or production,
distribution, and use of the damaging chemical, possibly due to
the importance to the "economic health of the nation".

Act _now_ to prevent further contamination. Find our more about this
dangerous chemical. What you don't know CAN hurt you, and others
throughout the world.
Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL your jokes (jokes ONLY) to fu...@looking.ON.CA
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.

I reply to all submissions, but about 20% of the replies bounce.

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