Computer Bible

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Anton Shepelev

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May 9, 2011, 10:30:01 PM5/9/11
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COMPUTER BIBLE

(C) Yuri Nesterenko (http://yun.complife.ru)
translation to English by Alexander Panasyuk.

01. In the beginning there was the Word, and Word had two
Bytes and there was nothing else.

02. And God divided the ones from the zeros and saw that it
was good.

03. And God said, Let there be data: and there were data.

04. And God said, Let data be gathered together into each
own place and he created floppies, hard drives and CD-
ROMs.

05. And God said, Let there be computers so there was a
place to put hard drives, floppies and CD-ROMs. And God
created computers and called them "hardware" and
divided "hardware" from "software".

06. But there were no software yet so Lord God corrected
himself and created programs big and small and blessed
them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill all
memory.

07. And God got tired from writing programs and said, Let us
make programmer in our image, after our likeness: and
let him to have dominion over computers and programs and
data. So God created a programmer and put him into his
Computing Facility to live and work there. And LORD God
brought programmer to the Directory Tree and commanded
him, saying, From every directory thou mayest run
programs. But from the WINDOWS directory thou shalt not
run programs at all: for MUST DIE.

08. And the LORD God said, It is not good that the
programmer should be alone; I will make him a help meet
for him. And the LORD God took one of programmer's
bones which had no brains and created a CUSTOMER; and
brought him unto programmer: and programmer called
customer a USER. And they were both sitting under pure
DOS, and were not ashamed.

09. Now the Bill was more subtle than any beast of the
field. And he said unto the user, Yea, hath God said, Ye
shall not run programs from every directory? And the
user said, We may run programs from every directory, but
of the WINDOWS directory, God hath said, Ye shall not
run programs from it, for MUST DIE. And Bill said to
user, Let us argue a taste of oyster with those who ate
them! In the day ye run WINDOWS, then ye shall be as
gods, for with one click of mouse ye create whatever you
want. And when the user saw that WINDOWS was pleasant to
the eyes, and a program to be desired for it makes any
knowledge unnecessary, and installed it on his computer;
and said also unto programmer that it was cool; and
programmer installed it too.

0A. And programmer went to look for new drivers, and he
heard the voice of the LORD God, asking, Where art thou?
And programmer said, Looking for new drivers, for there
are no drivers under pure DOS. And the LORD God said,
who told thee that thou needth drivers? Hast thou run
programs from WINDOWS directory? And programmer said,
The user whom thou gavest to be with me, he told me that
from now on he wants programs only from WINDOWS
directory; and I installed them. And the LORD God said
unto the user, What is this that thou hast done? And
the user said, The Bill beguiled me, and I did run
WINDOWS.

OB. And the LORD God said unto the Bill, Because thou hast
done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above
every beast of the field; and I will put enmity between
thee and the programmer; for he will curse you and thou
will sell WINDOWS to him.

OC. Unto the user he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow
and barren thy wallet; and thou will use buggy programs;
and thou will not survive without the programmer, and he
shall rule over thee.

0D. And unto programmer he said, Because thou hast hearkened
unto the voice of the user, cursed are computers for thy
sake; bugs and viruses will they bring to thou; in
sorrow shalt thou fight them all the days of thy life;
in the sweat of thy face shalt thou debug thy code.

0E. Therefore the LORD God sent them forth from his Computer
Facility; and he set password on entry.

0F. General protection fault.

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