JERRY BAKER TONIC
J.A. Perry
on the PBS show about lawncare? Maybe you could send it to me.
Ji...@worldnet.att.net Thank you
Jerry Baker
Glad to see you taking an interest in my secret tips, tricks, and tonics.
Try my latest lawn care formula for sure results:
10 parts K-Gro miracle lawn care fertilizer (98-1-1)
2 parts K-Mart laundry soap
3 parts ground kidney stones (I have plenty if you need 'em).
1 part eye of newt (NOT Newt Gingritch. Good Lord, son)
Now, we got this comet thing going on right now so all the better
(magnetic pull, 'lectricity, and all that-- my word you people are
ignorant). Hey, don't look at me that way, son-- I use to be dismissed
as the organic nut down the street but all you new-fangled, new-math,
new-age, computer-whiz, ig-nor-a-mus, "progressive" little turds are
finally gonna get the message (whatever the hell that might be, I have no
idea-- I just like to throw that little speech in whenever I get a
chance).
Anyways, add the formula to your hose-end sprayer (teaspoon to the quart,
tablespoon to the gallon, cup to ten gallons-- the rule of life). And
please, folks, be sure to add a golf ball or it just plain won't work.
As always, drop your drawers at this point and hoist those garters a
little higher. I always scream,"Yumpin' yimminieeeeeee!," right about now
but that's only because I'm completely senile. Feel free to improvise
(that's "ad lib" to you articulate, ed-jee-cated little pukes who think
you know better than me-- I got news for you... I use to be regarded as
nothing more than...oh, yeah...). Just let me say here folks-- this is
important-- that you don't know *shit* and anything I make
up...er...uh...tell you is based on generations of Baker family knowledge
and is the Gods honest truth. Most of it came directly from my dear
ol' Grandma Clairabelle herself (she use to wipe with the towels and wash
her dentures in the toilet too).
I'm sorry, folks, I forgot where I was going with this but whatever the
problem, there's only a few key things you need to know:
1) K-Mart
2) Soap
3) Urine and other bodily excretions
4) Golf ball
5) Teaspoon/quart, tablespoon/gallon, cup/ten gallons
6) Hose end sprayer
Thats all there is to it suckers...uh...er...folks.
Thanks,
Jerry
SKID Photography
and we love it.
Laughing so hard, we're peeing..........but not to worry, we're saving it!
Love,
Bill & Harvey
zuffalig/SKID zone 6 CT USA
In article <4j7725$k...@news1.halcyon.com>, Jerry Baker writes:
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>"J.A. Perry" <ji...@worldnet.att.net> wrote:
>>Can anyone post the recipe for the lawn tonic Jerry Baker used
>>on the PBS show about lawncare? Thank you
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Laura Machan
lawn. I have a foot square that I can't revive. Could you suggest
something to help me out. The dog is male. I;m not sure if this makes a
difference.
Terry Norman
>
> "J.A. Perry" <ji...@worldnet.att.net> wrote:
> >Can anyone post the recipe for the lawn tonic Jerry Baker used
> >on the PBS show about lawncare? Thank you
>
> Hi ho Jimpy and all you other folks.
> Glad to see you taking an interest in my secret tips, tricks, and tonics.
> Try my latest lawn care formula for sure results:
>
> 10 parts K-Gro miracle lawn care fertilizer (98-1-1)
> 2 parts K-Mart laundry soap
> 3 parts ground kidney stones (I have plenty if you need 'em).
> 1 part eye of newt (NOT Newt Gingritch. Good Lord, son)
>
>
Say Jer...
Gotta a recipe for grass killer? Dropped the sprayer full of the
your lawn juice coming out of the basement. Had to mow the stairs three
times this week (they're a bastard to edge) and the shoes I was wearing
have gone to seed. Doesn't matter though, don't have anything to go
with green anyway.
....Terry (Up to his ass in grass in Batavia)
Keep up the funny posts, keeps my mind off of the lousy weather,
Better get back to my taxes...Grrrrrrrr.