Gray Matter Type II report (Edison, NJ)

[Michael J Flores]

Trying very hard to be the only Penn student in history to successfully
avoid Spring Fling altogether, I got up very early Sunday morning to
catch a train to Edison, NJ. Because I was kind of bored with my
Erhnageddon deck, I decided to go with either Sligh or Counterpost, but
could not make up my mind... La la la.

So anyway, I and my buddy Ben get to the tournament like three minutes
before it begins and we register. I ask Big Tony if I should play Sligh
or Counterpost, and he says "Burn! Must Burn!" I decide to play
Counterpost.

ROUND ONE

I am paired with Sal, who has a bangup version of Counter-cook.

Game 1:

I play a turn-2 CoP: Red, which Sal Forces. I Force back. He Forces
back again! He has very few cards in hand at this point. I go into
Glacier mode and begin to Browse. It is all over for red when the Browse
kicks in! I am knocked down to 2 life from fire (I counter all of his
creature attempts, Mahamoti Djinn and Frenetic Efreet) but whittle him
away with a legion of soldier tokens.

I bring in Divine Offering, Blue Elemental Blast, and 2 more CoP: Red.

Game 2:

I take some early Lightning Bolt and Factory damage, but whack the
Factories and get out a CoP: Red. I Disenchant 2 attempts at
Nevinyrral's Disk and go into Thaw mode to keep the CoP up. I begin to
Browse and it is all over. Sal concedes.

1-0 match.

ROUND TWO

I am paired with Chuck, who is also with Counterpost.

Game 1:

Chuck plays the first Outpost, but I have Browse on the table. I
Political Trickery the Outpost, and begin to abuse it. He plays another
Outpost, so I play mine. I eventually get my Trickery back with my
Soldevi Digger, and just start mutilating him. He Wraths a couple of
times, but I Browse-Digger to get my Trickery back *again* and take his
last Outpost. I have like 3-4 Outposts in the endgame, with only 1
belonging to me. This match takes about 45 minutes, but I win.

I side in my remaining 3 Political Trickeries. I toy with bringing in my
Serra Angels and Mahamoti Djinn -- I am almost certain Chuck took out his
Control Magics and Swords to Plowshares -- but go for Divine Offerings
instead. I suspect Disrupting Scepter.

Game 2:

Let me just say I now have 4 Political Trickeries in my deck and 4
Browses. Chuck attempts the Serra Angel switch, but I left in *my* Swords
to Plowshares! The game is called on time -- I would have won anyway --
so I go 1-0 and advance.

2-0 match.

ROUND THREE

I am paired with Mike, who has one of those G/R burn decks with Hammer,
lots of bolts, and River Boa.

Game 1:

I get the early control position with Browse and CoP: Red (a NECESSARY
main-deck card for U/W now -- listen up, kids) and beat him to death with
soldier tokens.

Game 1 didn't take all that long, maybe 35 minutes, so I had to make sure
my sideboarding was better than his. In went Blue Elemental Blasts and
more CoP: red.

Game 2:

I cannot draw a white mana to save my frigging hide. Mike gets out a
turn-3 Yavimaya Ants. I Counter it, he blasts, I blast back. I draw
white mana, but have only a Wrath of God for defense. He gets another
Ants, and hits me for 5. Ouch. I have to draw one, right? Nope.
Another 5. I have to draw one, right? Nope. Another 5. Fuck me. At
the end of his turn, I Enlightened Tutor for Browse, and play Browse.
His time limit on the Ants is up, but now he has an Elf. He hits me for
1. I am at 4. He plays another Elf. On my turn I Browse for a PLAINS.
You do not want to know what I threw away to get this Plains, people.
Rares. Good rares. The Elves hit me.

I Wrath of God at 2 life. He loses 2 Birds and 2 Elves. Whew. I sit
behind my CoP: Red until I have a comfortable amount of mana, and go into
Browse mode. I have to Force of Will another Ants attempt, so I go down
to 1. In the endgame, I have a zillion soldier tokens, and he has 11
life. He plays a STAMPEDING WILDEBEESTS. I Force of Will down to zero
life. He says I am dead. I say I am not. He calls over Jim. Jim calls
over Big Tony. Tony says I am not dead, too. I Plow one of my soldier
tokens and go up to 1 life. The match is called on time. Obviously I
would have won this one, but oh well.

3-0 match.

If I win here, it is the happy intentional draw rule for me!

ROUND FOUR

I am paired with Steve OMS. He has the black weenie deck that everyone
and their kid sisters are playing, with Stupor and Nekrataal.

Game 1:

I get out the turn-2 CoP: Black (another NECESSARY card for U/W kiddies)
and Steve shudders. He Stupors me. I lose an StP (big deal) and some
other crap. So of course I make a mistake. I have 2 cards in hand, and
I am like "He doesn't have another Stupor," so I don't play my Browse --
which would mean that I take another 5 or so damage from weenies. He
frigging Stupors me and I lose my Browse and Disenchant and die horribly
to Factories. If only I had my StP and Disenchant back! Argh! If only
I weren't a moron and had played my Browse! Argh!

Game 2:

I get a turn-2 CoP: Black, and Steve has Dystopia and I have neither
Force of Will or Disenchant. Fuck me. I Wrath away a zillion weenies
twice, and Steve plays the mighty Tombstone Stairwell. He is like "Mike,
you get... Let me see... Zero weenies. I get... Let me see..." Yadda
yadda yadda. I die horribly.

3-1 match.

If I were going to lose that was the correct round. I am pretty sure I
am in as long as I win in the 5th.

ROUND FIVE

I am up against Rich, who is with Hammerpost.

Game 1:

In a stirring string of events, I am manascrewed and die horribly to 2
Mishra's Factories. This game took all of fifteen seconds.

"Do not lose. Do not lose. Do not lose."

-The control player's mantra.

Game 2:

I am not manascrewed, and with my array of 4 Political Trickeries and 3
CoP: Red, Rich has no chance at all. I beat him down with Browse-Digger
and *his* two Outposts. I call for time, and learn there is a paltry 10
minutes left.

"Must actually win. Must actually win. Must actually win."

-The control player's mantra with 10 minutes remaining.

I side out my Outpost for my Mahamoti Djinn.

Game 3:

I get the control position quickly with Political Trickery, CoP: Red, and
Browse-Digger. I know I am never going to win in time, so I Browse like
a madman -- discarding even my Disrupting Scepter (which won game 2 for
me) and my essential Feldon's Cane for my Fat Moti. I bring Sir Fatness
out, but he is Fireballed for 6. I Browse aggressively through the rest
of my deck so I can get him out again as quickly as possible.

Red might not be able to deal with Serra Angel, but U/W sure can.

FAT MOTI BEATDOWN!

4-1 match.

It's time for the money rounds.

Everyone wants to play Rochester Draft, but I suck at Rochester Draft and
vote for sealed. Everyone yells at me, and sealed it is. (It had to be
unanimous for Rochester Draft).

I open my starters...

Torch
Geyser
Hammer
Mesa
Totem

other quite awesome stuff.

Rochester Draft my Fat Moti ass.

I am told repeatedly by Gray Matter staff members not to get cocky. I do
not get cocky. How can I?

This was the *best* final 8 in the history of Gray Matter -- that was what
everyone was saying -- with the average DCI rating above 1850, even with
my sorry scores pulling the totals down.

I wasn't cocky. I was nervous.

I am matched with Mike Pustilnik.

Game 1:

Playing conservatively, I beat him with just 2 flank knights and my good
friend the Teremko Griffin.

Game 2:

Of course I am manascrewed. I had to get manascrewed. I die horribly
and quickly.

Game 3:

Mike has all the threats, and I am quickly down to 4 life. I Totem one
of his Incinerates and kill a Sabertooth Cobra. I probably should have
gone for his Armorer Guildmage. I get out the Mesa and keep myself
alive, but cannot really mount any offense yet. He gets CRASH OF FATTIES.

All right. In three games, have I seen my Pacifism, Torch, Geyser, or
Spitting Earth? I have to see one, right?

I guess not. Senor Fatties kills me, and I lose in the first round with
the best sealed deck in the history of sealed deck. I mean come on
people, Hammer AND Mesa AND Totem AND 2 x-spells? Has there ever really
been a better deck?

All the other good players tell me it is okay. All seven other players
were better than I anyway. It is no consolation. It doesn't matter what
you have got if all you can draw is your Viashino Warrior.

Three other greats also went down in round one: Chinnock, Ferker, and
Finkel. Oh well. I guess I can spend my remaining funds on the Grand
Prix next weekend.

So when I got back to Penn, my friend and Mirage designer Howard Kahlenberg
told me:

a. "If Richard knew there would be people like you, he wouldn't have
invented the game."

and

b. "Mike, it is just too bad you ruined a hard day's work with such
horrible sealed deck play."

I hate everyone.

Mike Flores