[SILLY] Songs translated into IF Commands

3 views
Skip to first unread message

Gerry Kevin Wilson

unread,
Jul 16, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/16/98
to
Here's a series of jokes from the ifMUD gang. Feel free to add to it, just don't
send it to me. :) Ought to lighten the mood of the newsgroup a bit. Watch out
for word wrap, I may not have formatted it just right.

------

ddyte: >GET SATISFACTION You can't.
Whizzard: >TIME, SLIP ON INTO THE FUTURE
ddyte: >CLIMB STAIRWAY It's not yours. >BUY STAIRWAY Ok.
>X ME A lady who knows all that glitters is gold.
Whizzard: >LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD, YOU SURE ARE LOOKING GOOD
Whizzard: >BAD MOON, RISE
Whizzard: >WHAT IS ONE? "One is the loneliest number there could ever be."
Nutty: >X ROXANNE You don't have to put on the red light.
Nutty: >MAMA, DON'T LET YOUR BABIES GROW UP TO BE COWBOYS
Whizzard: >EXIT HOTEL "You can check out any time you want, but you can
never leave."
Nutty: >AQUALUNG, SIT ON A PARK BENCH
Whizzard: >RIDE KELPIE
ddyte: >WAIT (for the worms)
Nutty: >TEAR DOWN THE WALL
Nutty: >ASK HONKY TONK WOMAN ABOUT ME You're my honky tonk man.
ddyte: >TOUCH THIS You can't.
Gunther: >SUSANNAH, CRY
Nutty: >WHISTLE WHILE I WORK
Whizzard: >PIRATE, X 40
Nutty: >NEIGHBOR, WON'T YOU BE MINE?
Gunther: >X BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE "It's all relative to the size of your steeple"
Whizzard: >MR. BOJANGLES, DANCE
ddyte: >INV A bad case of loving you.
DorianX: >TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT
Gunther: MAMA, JUST KILLED A MAN
ddyte: >DIAL 8675309 ON PHONE
Gunther: >PUT GUN AGAINST HIS HEAD Ok. >PULL THE TRIGGER
Now he's dead
Nutty: >CRACKERMAN, ROAM "He's a woman too."
ddyte: >FERNANDO, LISTEN TO DRUMS
DorianX: >DON'T WORRY
DorianX: >BE HAPPY
Whizzard: >X HER "She's a man eater."
Gunther: >X GIRL She'll be a woman soon
DorianX: >MAN, DO YOU COME FROM THE LAND DOWN UNDER?
Nutty: >YOUNG MAN, TAKE A WALK UP THE STREET
DorianX: >COVER ME
ddyte: >SMILE. GIVE VEGEMITE SANDWICH TO DORIANX
Nutty: >JOHNNY, BE GOOD
Nutty: >CALL ME I'm alive.
DorianX: >WALK "How do you want to walk" >LIKE AN EGYPTIAN
nick: >SOAR "You have flown too high"
ddyte: >EXITS Young man, there's a place you can go.
nick: *** You Have Died ***
DorianX: >DANCE "You can't" >TALK "You can't" >WALK
Gunther: >LEARN TO FLY You ain't got wings
Nutty: >GO XANADU You have to believe it's magic.
Gunther: >DANCE WITH MARY JANE
DorianX: >PIANO MAN, SING US A SONG
Gunther: >X REBEL He is without a clue
DorianX: >Z.Z.Z.Z "A star falls."
Nutty: >TELL ME MORE Did she put up a fight?
Gunther: >WISH UPON A STAR
DorianX: >WATCH HER "She takes another breath."
DorianX: >HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT
Gunther: DON'T PAY THE FERRYMAN
Whizzard: >DON'T FEAR REAPER
DorianX: >DANCE "Who do you want to dance with?" >LADY IN RED
Nutty: >X LADY IN RED She is so beautiful tonight.
Whizzard: >TOUCH ME. HOLD ME. FEEL ME. TOUCH ME.
HOLD ME. HEAL ME. "Done."
Gunther: >SEE MY EYES You can hardly see >SEE MY LEGS You can hardly
walk >JESUS, I BELIEVE YOU CAN MAKE ME WHOLE "Yep." >SEE MY
TONGUE You can hardly talk.
ddyte: >LOOK. LISTEN. PLAY PINBALL You are blind. You are deaf. Wow,
you've got such a supple wrist!
DorianX: >LISTEN TO YOUR HEART
DorianX: >STAND BACK "You are standing in a line"
Gunther: >X STARES The lead into nowhere.
DorianX: >BRIGHT EYES, TURN AROUND
Nutty: >X STEVE Steve walks warily down the street, brim pulled way down low.
Gunther: >X STARES They lead into nowhere.
Gunther: >WOMAN, YOUR FINE OINTMENTS, BRANDNEW AND EXPENSIVE, SHOULD
HAVE BEEN SAVED FOR THE POOR. "Huh?"
Whizzard: >MOMMA, GET SQUEEZE BOX "Taken." >DADDY, SLEEP "Daddy
never sleeps at night."
DorianX: >FORGET GIRL "Something is there to remind you."
ddyte: >LITTLE BOY, PUT ON DRESS
DorianX: >TELL ME SWEET LITTLE LIES
Nutty: >CRY Momma's gonna sing you a lullaby.
Nutty: >WHO ARE YOU?
Whizzard: >LOOK "I can see for miles and miles and miles."
DorianX: >SAY GOODBYE TO ME TONIGHT "There is still music left to right."
Nutty: >RIDE THE MAGIC BUS
Gunther: >X GIRL Never seen a girl like her before
Gunther: >X SWEET DREAMS They are made of these.
Gunther: >DISAGREE Who are you to disagree?
ddyte: >X ME You are the walrus. You are the eggman. They are the eggmen,
goo goo goo joob.
nick: >WALK 1000 MILES "You fall down at her door."
DorianX: >EDDIE, CALL ME AL
Whizzard: >HIT JUDGE WITH SILVER HAMMER "Bang! Bang!"
DorianX: >MAGGIE, WAKE UP
nick: >TAKE BREATH "You have one less breath."
Nutty: >TOAST MRS ROBINSON Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson.
DorianX: >ENTER DREAM WEAVER TRAIN
ddyte: >ENTER WINDOW (the bathroom window) You are protected by a silver spoon.
DorianX: >GET ENOUGH OF YOUR LOVE "You can't."
Whizzard: >XYZZY "A hollow voice says, "BORIS THE SPIDER."
Nutty: >RUN AND RUN TO CATCH UP WITH THE SUN But it's sinking.
DorianX: >DANCE "It is pitch black in here!"
ddyte: >X MONEY There's no telling where the money went. >FIND HER Simply
irresistable.
DorianX: >CHOP DOWN TREES. EAT LUNCH. GO TO LAVATORY.
Nutty: >GET A GOOD JOB WITH MORE PAY You're okay.
nick: >ASK SON HOME "He doesn't know when he'll be there."
DorianX: >LISTEN. G. G. G. G. "You start to believe that it's all true."
DorianX: >HOLD HANDS WITH HAPPY PEOPLE. HOLD HANDS WITH SHINY PEOPLE
ddyte: >GET FIRST REAL SIX STRING Taken. >X CALENDAR It's the summer of '69.
Whizzard: >MOVE MICROWAVE OVENS "Done." >X TV "Lookit that guy, that's the
way ta do it."
nick: >LIVE ANOTHER DAY "Ok."
DorianX: >SHOOT AT WALLS OF HEARTACHE "Bang, bang."
ddyte: >X SIGN It opens up your mind.
DorianX: >X SIGN "Your mind opens."

----
G. Kevin Wilson: Freelance Writer and Game Designer. Resumes on demand.


Iain Merrick

unread,
Jul 16, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/16/98
to
[ big list of song/IF gags snipped ]

Ha, very good! Okay, here are a few more:

> DRIVE CHEVY TO LEVY
I don't understand the word 'levy'.
> OOPS LEVEE
Okay, you drive to the levee.
> X LEVEE
The levee is dry.

> SAY GOODBYE
You always say 'goodbye'; I say 'hello'.

> DROP EDUCATION
Dropped.
> DROP THOUGHT CONTROL
Dropped.
> TEACHER, LEAVE THE KIDS ALONE

> DOWN
You are in Strawberry Fields.
> TAKE STRAWBERRIES
Nothing is real.
> CLOSE EYES.
Living is still easy.
> GET HUNG
There's nothing to get hung about.

> LOOK UP
You can't see anything.
> G
You still can't see anything.
> G
You still can't see anything.
> G
You can see the sky. The number 42 drifts past on the breeze.

ne...@norwich.edu

unread,
Jul 16, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/16/98
to
In article <6okd30$a9a$1...@ash.prod.itd.earthlink.net>,
g...@pobox.com (Gerry Kevin Wilson) wrote:

<snip>
> ...


> DorianX: >SHOOT AT WALLS OF HEARTACHE "Bang, bang."
> ddyte: >X SIGN It opens up your mind.
> DorianX: >X SIGN "Your mind opens."

ROTFL.

From a very frustrating game:
>RUN "You are the fastest."
>WIN "You are not allowed."
>FEEL PUNISHMENT "Ok."
>COMMIT SIN "You can't."

While going by:
>X HILL "There is a fool there."

Behind Chalet:
>PULL MUSSEL FROM SHELL "*** You have won. ***"

This game banned:
>HENRY, ROLL WITH ME

Neil Cerutti
ne...@norwich.edu

-----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==-----
http://www.dejanews.com/rg_mkgrp.xp Create Your Own Free Member Forum

Paul O'Brian

unread,
Jul 16, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/16/98
to
How fun!

> I
You are carrying:
dreams
> X DREAMS
They are of loneliness, like a heartbeat that drives you mad, in the
stillness of remembering what you had, and what you lost.
> SELL DREAMS
Sold.


> LISTEN TO RHIANNON
She rings like a bell through the night.


> GO YOUR OWN WAY
You'll have to specify a direction.


> BUY LOVE
You can't.


> WAKE UP. FALL OUT OF BED. DRAG COMB ACROSS HEAD. D. SMOKE.


> LET IT BE


> BREATHE IN
What do you want to breathe?
> THE AIR
You feel unashamed of caring.
> LEAVE
Don't leave me.
> L
Your Own Ground
This ground is yours. You have chosen it.


> GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF MY DESSERT
You can't see any such thing.
> OOPS DESERT


> VERA, WHAT HAS BECOME OF YOU?
You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can't see whom.


> X MOON
It's only a paper moon, hanging over a tree of some kind.
> X TREE
Well, what do you know? The tree is made of cardboard!


Paul O'Brian
obr...@colorado.edu
http://ucsu.colorado.edu/~obrian

Andrew Plotkin

unread,
Jul 16, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/16/98
to
One is tempted to make a serious fantasy IF episode out of Archie Fisher's
_The Witch of the Westmoreland_, except Pamela Dean has already written
it as a novella. Scary.

I regard most music these days as

> SING
I don't know how to do that.

> G
...


--Z

--

"And Aholibamah bare Jeush, and Jaalam, and Korah: these were the
borogoves..."

Irene Callaci

unread,
Jul 16, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/16/98
to
> MICHAEL, ROW THE BOAT
Michael rows the boat ashore.

irene


On 16 Jul 1998 08:19:44 GMT, g...@pobox.com (Gerry Kevin Wilson) wrote:

>Here's a series of jokes from the ifMUD gang. Feel free to add to it, just don't
>send it to me. :) Ought to lighten the mood of the newsgroup a bit. Watch out
>for word wrap, I may not have formatted it just right.
>
>------
>

[BIG snip]

Neil...@my-dejanews.com

unread,
Jul 16, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/16/98
to
In article <erkyrathE...@netcom.com>,
erky...@netcom.com (Andrew Plotkin) wrote:

> > SING
> I don't know how to do that.
>

> YETI, SING
Your abominable is singing.

jweinste

unread,
Jul 16, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/16/98
to
Paul O'Brian <obr...@ucsu.Colorado.EDU> writes:

>> X MOON
>It's only a paper moon, hanging over a tree of some kind.
>> X TREE
>Well, what do you know? The tree is made of cardboard!

> YOU, BELIEVE IN ME
OK.
> X MOON AND TREE
They're no longer make believe!
> DROP YOUR LOVE
Dropped.
> X PARADE
It's a honky tonk parade.

Best,
Jacob "Too Much Harold Arlen" Weinstein

Paul O'Brian

unread,
Jul 16, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/16/98
to
On Thu, 16 Jul 1998, Irene Callaci wrote:

:: > MICHAEL, ROW THE BOAT


:: Michael rows the boat ashore.

> HALLELUJAH
You're welcome.

Dylan O'Donnell

unread,
Jul 16, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/16/98
to
Well, I'm a G&S fan, so here's a few more:

> X ME
You are the very model of a modern Major-General.
> I
You are carrying:
information (animal, vegetable and mineral)


> MAKE PUNISHMENT FIT CRIME
Done.
[ Your score has gone up ]

> A WANDERING MINSTREL, I
The minstrel checks his belongings.

> TAKE A PAIR OF SPARKLING EYES
Taken.

--
: Dylan O'Donnell : "My name is Edward Verlac, and this is :
: Demon Internet Ltd : my testament: :
: Southend slave deck : I am utterly, utterly mad." :
: http://www.fysh.org/~psmith/ : -- "Anchorhead", Michael Gentry :

Irene Callaci

unread,
Jul 16, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/16/98
to
Oh, this is too good to pass up!

> POLISH UP THE HANDLE ON THE BIG FRONT DOOR
You polish up the handle so carefullee that now you are the
Ruler of the Queen's Navee.

irene

On 16 Jul 1998 20:29:59 +0100, dyl...@demon.net (Dylan O'Donnell)
wrote:

>Well, I'm a G&S fan, so here's a few more:
>

>> X ME

Rogue

unread,
Jul 16, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/16/98
to
<snip>

>ENTER
Welcome to my Nightmare...
>FEEL
You're right at home.

>X FACE
Lines form on my face and hands
>L
Lines form on the left and right
>OUT
I can't. Stuck in the middle without any plans
>TALK TO MAN
I just don't know what to say
>I
I got a baby's brain, and an old man's heart
>SCORE
Took eighteen years to get this far
>X ME
I'm a boy
>G
I'm a man
>G
I'm eighteen

>LISTEN
Sirens are screaming and the fires are howling.
You can see a man here.
>X MAN
There's a man in the shadows with a gun in his eye and a blade.
>X BLADE
It's shining oh, so bright.

>I
You are carrying:
a gunney sack
The gunney sack seems to contain
a guitar
>L
(sitting)
You are sitting beneath a tree, by the railroad tracks.
>GET GUITAR
taken
>STRUM IT
You play fitfully for a minute, but can't find a beat.
>STRUM IT TO THE RYTHM THAT THE DRIVERS MAKE
Go, Johnny go!

>LOVE HER
I want to love her, but I better not touch.
(Don't touch)
>HOLD HER
My senses tell me to stop.
>KISS HER
I want it too much.
(Too much)
>X LIPS
Her lips are venomous poison.

>X CHILD
He is a brat.
>BEAT CHILD
You attack the child with your bare hands, but he evades you.
>BEAT ON THE BRAT WITH A BASEBALL BAT
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh-hoh.

Damn. This IS fun, innit it?

The Rogue
rogue<AT>coastalweb<DOT>net
http://www.coastaleb.net/rogue

"Daggers and contracts and bright shiny limos, I got a watch that turns
into a lifeboat..."
Alice Cooper, Halo of Flies

John Francis

unread,
Jul 16, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/16/98
to
>
>> MAKE PUNISHMENT FIT CRIME
>Done.
>[ Your score has gone up ]

Are we back to the object-oriented programming thread?


> LOOK
You are on the bank of a river. There is a tree here.

> EXAMINE TREE
Some kind of willow. You spot a bird on one of the branches.

> EXAMINE BIRD.
It's very small. It appears to be singing.

> LISTEN TO BIRD.
"Willow! Tit Willow! Tit Willow!"

> BIRDIE, WHY ARE YOU SINGING?
The bird shakes his head.

> EXAMINE MAIDENS
They appear rather lovesick.

> COUNT MAIDENS
There seem to be about twenty.
--
John Francis jfra...@sgi.com Silicon Graphics, Inc.
(650)933-8295 2011 N. Shoreline Blvd. MS 43U-991
(650)933-4692 (Fax) Mountain View, CA 94043-1389
Hello. My name is Darth Vader. I am your father. Prepare to die.

burn...@cs.lafayette.edu

unread,
Jul 16, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/16/98
to
I can't believe no one has done:

>LION, SLEEP
The lion sleeps tonight.

Jesse

Allen Garvin

unread,
Jul 16, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/16/98
to
Gosh this is fun.
Some folk songs, the first recent, the rest old:

>I
You have:
little dirndls
pettycoats
>X ME
You're tiny.
>TURN ME AROUND
You're grown.
>TURN ME AROUND
You're a young wife with babes of your own.

------------------
>ENTER DEN
Boar's Den
There is a cornered boar here.
>KILL BOAR
You fight the boar with sword and knife.
>KILL BOAR
You fight the boar with sword and knife.
>THROW KNIFE AT BOAR
Which knife do you mean?
>I
You have:
a sword
a weeping knife
a butter knife
>THROW WEEPING KNIFE AT BOAR
That's the end of the wild boar's life.

------------------
>I
You have:
two long beaten swords
>N
Your bedroom
In the center of the room is your feather bed. Beneath the fine silk
sheets are your lady gay, asleep in the arms of another man.
>MAN, GET UP
"No, I won't get up."
>MAN, GET UP
"No, I can't get up for my life."
>GIVE SWORD TO MAN
He takes the sword.
The man swings his sword, and it nicks your arm as you dodge.
>DIAGNOSE
You are hurt sore.
>KILL MAN
The fatal blow strikes the man square in the heart: He dies.
Your wife jumps up in horror.
>KILL WIFE
You pin her to the wall.


------------------
>LOOK
Gallows tree
Before you are steps leading up a hastily built stand, at the top of
which hangs a rope and noose: your wretched destiny.
A huge crowd has gathered here.
>I
You have:
a fiddle
>UP
You decide to die quietly, without any fuss.
* THE END *
Restart, Quit or Undo? UNDO
Gallows tree
>PLAY FIDDLE
You play a quick scale up and down.
The crowd seems restless.
>PLAY A SPRING
Sae rantingly, sae wantonly, sae dauntingly, you play a spring and dance it
round, beneath the gallows tree.
>UP
Gallows stand
>PUT HEAD IN NOOSE
Done.
>JUMP
Farewill ye light, thou sunshine bright, and all beneath the sky.

------------------

> COUNT MAIDENS
There seem to be about twenty.

>X MAIDENS
Bonnie Jeannie o Bethelnie is the flooer o them aa.


--
Allen Garvin kisses are a better fate
--------------------------------------------- than wisdom
eare...@faeryland.tamu-commerce.edu
http://faeryland.tamu-commerce.edu/~earendil e e cummings

Dave Gatewood

unread,
Jul 16, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/16/98
to
> DIAGNOSE
You feel swell, you feel great.

> I
You are carrying:
a plate
the whole world

JID

unread,
Jul 16, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/16/98
to
Brilliant, all -- especially the Gilbert and Sullivan.

May I humbly submit the following:

***

Billy stands at the brink of the chasm, deciding whether to jump in and
risk almost certain death to rescue the minx hanging on for dear life.

>BILLY, DON'T BE A HERO

--
Johanna (aka Joey): ow...@best.com
-------------------------------------------------------
"They honed his instinct for the jugular of weakness.
It got so sharp that sometimes he couldn't look at
himself in the mirror."
-- James Ellroy, "L.A. Confidential"
------------------------------------------------------
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern In Wonderland, American
Gothic, Jeunet & Caro: http://www.best.com/~owls
-------------------------------------------------------

Joe Mason

unread,
Jul 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/17/98
to
ne...@norwich.edu <ne...@norwich.edu> insribed:
>In article <6okd30$a9a$1...@ash.prod.itd.earthlink.net>,

> g...@pobox.com (Gerry Kevin Wilson) wrote:
>
><snip>
>> ...

>> DorianX: >SHOOT AT WALLS OF HEARTACHE "Bang, bang."
>> ddyte: >X SIGN It opens up your mind.

What shall we do with a drunken sailor?
> PUT HIM IN A LONGBOAT TILL HE'S SOBER


> PUT YOUR RIGHT FOOT IN
What do you want to put that in?

> TAKE YOUR RIGHT FOOT OUT
But it isn't in anything!

> PUT YOUR RIGHT FOOT IN
What do you want to put that in?

> SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT
I don't know the word "shake".

Joe


Joe Mason

unread,
Jul 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/17/98
to
burn...@cs.lafayette.edu <burn...@cs.lafayette.edu> insribed:

>I can't believe no one has done:
>
>>LION, SLEEP
>The lion sleeps tonight.

[TOM SERVO (or is it CROW?)] SLEEEEP!

> MOTHER, DO YOU THINK THEY'LL DROP THE BOMB
You can't see any "mother" here.

> MOTHER, DO YOU THINK THEY'LL LIKE THIS SONG
Which song do you mean, the song or the song?

> MOTHER, WILL THEY TEAR YOUR LITTLE BOY APART
I don't know the word "apart".

> MOTHER, WILL SHE BREAK YOUR HEART
That was a rhetorical question.

Joe


Giles Boutel

unread,
Jul 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/17/98
to

>KISS THE SKY

'Scuse me?

---

>PUFF THE MAGIC DRAGON

You find yourself in a land called Honalee
----

>GET ON COVER OF ROLLING STONE

You see your smiling face.

---

>TAKE LONG WAY HOME

You take the long way home

>G

You take the long way home

---

>GET BACK

You're now where you once belonged

----

> TAKE A WALK ON THE WILD SIDE

As you do, you cannot help but notice a baby made of hay, surrounded by
coloured girls going 'Doot de doot'

----

>BOB, BOB BOBBIN ALONG

Bob doesn't seem to want to do that to the bobbin.

---

>UNPACK MY CASE

Leave it to tomorrow

>HONEY, DISCONNECT THE PHONE

---

>WAKE UP

You fall out of bed

>DRAG COMB ACROSS HEAD

ok.

You find your way downstairs

>HAVE A CUP

ok

>LOOK UP

You notice you're late

>GRAB COAT AND GRAB HAT

You make the bus in seconds flat

>U

You go upstairs

>HAVE SMOKE

Somebody speaks and you go into a dream....

-Giles


Mo

unread,
Jul 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/17/98
to
>TIME
Time is on your side.
>G
Baby, you're out of time.


>HOP
You might as well JUMP.


>GET SATISFACTION
You try and you try and you try, but you can't.
>WATCH TV
A man comes on to tell you how white your shirts can be.
>X MAN
He can't be a man 'cause he doesn't smoke the same cigarettes as you.


>L
You can't. Penny Lane is in your eyes.
>LISTEN
You can't. Penny Lane is in your ears.
>HELP!
When you were younger, so much younger than today, you never needed anybody's
help anyway.
>BUT NOW THESE DAYS ARE GONE!
That's not a verb I recognise.


There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
>STOP ALL WARS. LIVE IN PEACE AND HARMONY. EVERYBODY, ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE.
That can't be done.
That can't be done.
That can't be done.


-----------
Mo
<m...@freepage.de>


Jonadab the Unsightly One

unread,
Jul 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/17/98
to

Is this thread just total nonsense, or is it supposed to actually
be understandable to anyone? I can't make Head or Tail of It.


Yr. Obd't & Humble Servant,
Jonadab the Unsightly One


----------------

One of the many uses for peanut butter:
228. Have congress declare "National Peanut Butter Awareness Week."

(Need more uses? see http://members.kconline.com/kerr/pb.htm)

Send replies to username@isp, where username is jonadab
and isp is bright.net

The zerospam.com address works, but you get an ugly confirmation.


Neil Brown

unread,
Jul 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/17/98
to
In article <6okd30$a9a$1...@ash.prod.itd.earthlink.net>, Gerry Kevin Wilson

<URL:mailto:g...@pobox.com> wrote:
> Here's a series of jokes from the ifMUD gang. Feel free to add to it, just don't
> send it to me. :) Ought to lighten the mood of the newsgroup a bit. Watch out
> for word wrap, I may not have formatted it just right.
>

I couldn't resist a go myself...

>LOOK
I see a picture in a frame. I see a face without a name, riding alone
in an empty train.

>WHERE ARE YOU?
I live in a house of broken hearts. Leaves are falling in the park.
Every day is a question mark...

--

Summer is here.

>WAIT FOR YOUR LOVE
You wait in vain.

Winter is here.

>WAIT FOR YOUR LOVE
You wait in vain.

--

>GET A JOB
You can't.

>WALK MY DOG
You can't.

>FIND A MAN
You can't. Life's a bitch.

--
Neil Brown
ne...@highmount.demon.co.uk
http://www.highmount.demon.co.uk


Andrew Plotkin

unread,
Jul 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/17/98
to
> FIND FLOWERS

Long time passing.

> WHAT?

I don't understand.

> FIND FLOWERS AGAIN

Long time ago.

>

Excuse me?

> FIND FLOWERS, DAMMIT

Picked by young girls, every one.

> WHEN WILL THEY EVER LEARN?

Good question.

> HOW MANY ROADS MU

Don't even think about it, pal.

John Francis

unread,
Jul 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/17/98
to
In article <01bdb188$a91a8cc0$37118fd1@jonadab>,

Jonadab the Unsightly One <jon...@zerospam.com> wrote:
>
>Is this thread just total nonsense,

No.

> or is it supposed to actually
>be understandable to anyone? I can't make Head or Tail of It.

Keep trying - you'll eventually find one you recognise. Then go
back and look at all the others, and it will become obvious to you.


>
>Yr. Obd't & Humble Servant,
>Jonadab the Unsightly One
>
>
>----------------
>
>One of the many uses for peanut butter:
>228. Have congress declare "National Peanut Butter Awareness Week."
>
>(Need more uses? see http://members.kconline.com/kerr/pb.htm)
>
>
> Send replies to username@isp, where username is jonadab
> and isp is bright.net
>
> The zerospam.com address works, but you get an ugly confirmation.
>
>
>

You might want to consider trimming this. Twenty lines of .sig is
considered excessive (and, in some circles, downright ill-mannered).
It's definitely unsightly, but I don't see how it could be humble.
Usenet guidelines suggest at most four lines, no longer than 72
characters, and preceded by a line consisting of the character
string "-- " (note the trailing space).

Stu042

unread,
Jul 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/17/98
to
> GO WEST

:)

~~stu

Joe Mason

unread,
Jul 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/17/98
to
Mo <m...@freepage.de> insribed:

>>TIME
>Time is on your side.
>>G
>Baby, you're out of time.

> LOOK
I see a red door.

> PAINT IT BLACK
Done.

>There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
>>STOP ALL WARS. LIVE IN PEACE AND HARMONY. EVERYBODY, ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE.
>That can't be done.
>That can't be done.
>That can't be done.


Here come old Shoe-shine, he come groovin' up slowly.

> TALK TO HIM
He say, "I know you. You know me. One thing I can tell you is you got to
be free."

> COME TOGETHER
Right now. Over me.

-----

> GIVE ME MONEY
That's what I want.

-----

> IMAGINE THERE'S NO HEAVEN
It's easy if you try. No hell below us. Above us, only sky.

> IMAGINE ALL THE PEOPLE
Living for today. Oh, you may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only
one. I hope some day you'll join us, and the world will live as one.

Joe

Time Goddess

unread,
Jul 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/17/98
to
Okay, here's my attempt...

>L STEERING DEVICE
It is a wheel.
>X WHEEL
You can sail with Rob Dickens at it.
>SAIL
away, sail away... Okay, you're there.

---------------------------------------------------
>L HEAVENS.
Can't. Night is clouded over.
>Q: NO SPARK OF CONSTELLATION?
No Vela, no Orion.'

--
Till Realmz is ported to Windows, Make Mine Marvel!
...
...
Aw dang. Wrong newsgroup.

Scott Forbes

unread,
Jul 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/17/98
to
I really shouldn't be doing this.

>GET SEX.GET DRUGS.GET WINE.GET WOMEN.GET FUN.GET SIN.GET YOU
It's pitch black in here!

>UPTOWN, GET HUSTLERS
Done.
>BOWERY, GET BUMS
Done.
>42ND STREET, GET BIG JIM WALKER
He's a pool-shooting son of a gun.


--
Scott Forbes for...@ravenna.com

athol-brose

unread,
Jul 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/17/98
to
> PUSH THE LITTLE DAISIES
You make them go up.

--
r. n. dominick -- cinn...@one.net

If a production of horror outranciere and weakly forces dilates you
the spleen of time to others, The Toxic Avenger is not without charm,
I suppose. (Philippe St-Germain via babelfish)

Second April

unread,
Jul 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/17/98
to
Lessee now...

>ARGENTINA, DON'T CRY FOR ME
"Did you ever leave me?"

>YOU, GET OFF OF MY CLOUD.G
Don't hang around, 'cause three's a crowd.

>GET OUT OF MY DREAMS.
You get into your car.

>RUBY, DON'T TAKE YOUR LOVE TO TOWN

>X ME
You're bad.
>X ME
You're bad.
>X ME
You're really, really bad.

>X HER
She's leaving home. Bye bye.

>PERIOD, I LOVE YOU
>QUESTION MARK, DO YOU LOVE ME?
>EXCLAMATION POINT, PLEASE PLEASE

>I
You have:
rhythm
music
your man

>ASK FOR ANYTHING MORE
Who could?

>BILLY, DON'T LOSE MY NUMBER

>LITTLE SUSIE, WAKE UP

>BABY, COME ON NOW
You twist and shout. You begin to get a sore throat.
>BABY, COME ON AND WORK IT ON OUT
You work it on out.
>BABY, YOU TWIST SO GOOD.
You twist so fine.
>TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER NOW
You're mine.
>AH
Ah.
>AH
Ah.
>AH
Ah.
>AH
Ahhhhhhhh.

>GO TO DOCTOR
>GO TO MOUNTAIN
>LOOK TO CHILDREN
>DRINK FROM FOUNTAIN
>SEEK SOURCE FOR DEFINITIVE
You're close to fine.

>WILL I SEE YOU TONIGHT ON A DOWNTOWN TRAIN?
Every night, every night is just the same.

>LOSE RELIGION
That's you in the spotlight.

Combining this thread with Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs (e.g. "Yummy
Yummy Yummy I've Got Love in My Tummy") could be even more entertaining.

Duncan Stevens
d-st...@nwu.edu
312-654-0280

The room is as you left it; your last touch--
A thoughtless pressure, knowing not itself
As saintly--hallows now each simple thing,
Hallows and glorifies, and glows between
The dust's gray fingers, like a shielded light.

--from "Interim," by Edna St. Vincent Millay

Second April

unread,
Jul 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/17/98
to
Forgot...

>SLEEPY JEAN, CHEER UP
What can it mean?

Adam J. Thornton

unread,
Jul 18, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/18/98
to
All right. Who out there can identify this one?

> DROP ALL

Dropped.

> GET BOOTS AND JACKET

Railroad boots: Taken.
Leather jacket: Taken.

> D

Darkened Hall....

[and, a little later]

> TAKE SCARF
(from clothesline)
Removed.


Adam
--
ad...@princeton.edu
"There's a border to somewhere waiting, and a tank full of time." - J. Steinman

Mischa Schweitzer

unread,
Jul 18, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/18/98
to
Mo <m...@freepage.de> wrote:
>>GET SATISFACTION
>You try and you try and you try, but you can't.

This sounds a bit like tea in Hitchhiker's:

>GET SATISFACTION
No satisfaction: dropped.
>GET NO SATISFACTION
You can't.


>I
You are carrying: a gun (in your hand).
>X GUN
It's pointing at your head.
>L
West End Town (in a dive bar)
There is a madman here.
>CALL POLICE


This is fun!
--
Mischa Schweitzer

matthew...@nivets.com

unread,
Jul 18, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/18/98
to

Please hand me the bottle. I think I'm lonely now.
Sorry, you must take the bottle. Your feelings are not relevant in this game.

I want to push you around.
Pushed

She said "it's cold outside." and she hands me my raincoat.
i
you have a raincoat.


Matthew Bullis, and I am in a Matchbox 20 mood.

Net-Tamer V 1.11 - Test Drive

Arcum Dagsson

unread,
Jul 18, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/18/98
to
In article <01bdb188$a91a8cc0$37118fd1@jonadab>, "Jonadab the Unsightly
One" <jon...@zerospam.com> wrote:

> Is this thread just total nonsense, or is it supposed to actually


> be understandable to anyone? I can't make Head or Tail of It.
>
>

> Yr. Obd't & Humble Servant,
> Jonadab the Unsightly One

Do you listen to music?

--
--Arcum Dagsson

"Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse
the darkness."
--Terry Pratchett
"Men At Arms"

Arcum Dagsson

unread,
Jul 18, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/18/98
to
All right... My turn...

>THINK TWICE
It's just another day in paradise...

>DONT THINK TWICE
It's all right...

>SMACK WATER, JACK
You can't talk to a man with a shotgun in his hand.

>COME TO DOOR
No reply.
>COME TO DOOR
No reply.
>TALK TO PEOPLE
They said it wasn't her...
>X WINDOW
You see her peep through the window.
>X LIGHT
You see the light.
>X LIGHT
You see the light.
>LOOK UP
You see her face.

You wake up...
>GET BIRD
You are alone. This bird has flown.
>LIGHT A FIRE
(in the fireplace)
(with the matches)
You lit a fire.
>X WOOD
Isn't it good? Norwegian wood.

>SAY HELLO TO VALERIE >SAY HELLO TO MARIAN
Hello. Hello.
>SEND THEM ALL MY SALARY
Sent.
>WHERE AM I?
On the waters of oblivion...

>HAMMER IN THE MORNING
You don't have a hammer
>HAMMER IN THE EVENING
You don't have a hammer
>HAMMER OUT OF LOVE BETWEEN MY BROTHERS AND MY SISTERS
You don't have a hammer

>X BONNIE
My bonnie lies over the ocean.
>MOVE BONNIE TO SEA
My bonnie lies over the sea.
>MOVE BONNIE TO OCEAN
My bonnie lies over the ocean.
>BRING BACK BONNIE TO ME
I don't know what you mean.

>SIT
You're just sitting here...
>WATCH WHEELS
They go round and round. You just love to watch them roll...
>GET OFF MERRY-GO-ROUND
You're no longer riding on the merry-go-round.
>LET IT GO
Done.

This is fun, isn't it...

Scott Forbes

unread,
Jul 18, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/18/98
to
>DIAGNOSE
You feel soo bad.
>FAMILY DOCTOR, X ME
>SAY "DOCTOR"
"Doctor!"
>MISTER M.D., CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT'S AILING ME
He says, "Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!"

Doeadeer3

unread,
Jul 19, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/19/98
to
Okay I'll try...

>X TRAILER

A sign reads: For sale or rent.

>X SIGN

The bottom of the sign reads: No phone, no pets.

>RENT TRAILER

But you haven't even got fifty cents.

>BUY TRAILER

Are you kidding? You can't even afford to buy food or cigarettes!!!

:-)


Doe doea...@aol.com (formerly known as FemaleDeer)
****************************************************************************
"In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane." Mark Twain

Doeadeer3

unread,
Jul 19, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/19/98
to

>LISTEN

You hear the sounds of silence.

>WEST

You walk restlessly down a street of cobbled stone. There is a streetlamp here,
a subway entrance is east.

>X STREETLAMP

Just as you look at it, you are blinded by a flash of neon light that splits
the night.

>ENTER SUBWAY

There must be 10 thousand people here, maybe more.

>X PEOPLE

They are talking without speaking.

>X PEOPLE

They are hearing without listening.

>X PEOPLE

They are writing songs that voices never shared.

>SAY HELLO TO PEOPLE

They answer, "Hello, Darkness my old friend."

>ATTACK PEOPLE

It has no effect because they ignore you. They are writing on the subway walls.

>X WALLS

You see the words of the prophets.

>VERSION

So Far
An Interactive Catharsis
Copyright 1966 by Andrew Plotkin

>AHA!

Quite.

LucFrench

unread,
Jul 19, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/19/98
to
>GET COAT AND HAT.
Done.
>LEAVE WORRIES ON DOORSTEP.
Done.
>X STREET.
The north side is sunny.
>N.

Thanks
Luc "Couldn't resist" French

Eactivist

unread,
Jul 19, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/19/98
to

>X MONSTER

It is one-eyed.

>X MONSTER

It is one-fanged.

>X MONSTER

It is flying as it finishes eating it's meal. One morsel is still sticking out
of its mouth.

>X MORSEL

It appears to be a foot.

>RUN. RUN. RUN.

Don't panic, you aren't purple.

Jonadab the Unsightly One

unread,
Jul 19, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/19/98
to
Eactivist wrote

I get it. I finally recognised and understood something
in this thread!

Of course, I don't remember where or when I heard that song or
even what genre it's from, but you can't have everything.


Yr. Obd't & Humble Servant,
Jonadab the Unsightly One

----------------

One of the many uses for peanut butter:

14. Have the astronauts leave some of it in orbit.

Julie Brandon

unread,
Jul 19, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/19/98
to
On 19 Jul 1998 00:46:10 GMT, Doeadeer3 did spake:

>>BUY TRAILER
>
>Are you kidding? You can't even afford to buy food or cigarettes!!!
>
>:-)

Okay, here's my effort -- I'd be interested to know if *anyone* get's
it (clue: female english artist, new age / punk era -- not so famous
in the states but a few Europians ought to recognise it). I've made
it fairly complete to give y'all a chance...

> MAN, DRINK COFFEE. DRINK TEA. SIT
He drinks.
You drink.
You are seated.

> PLAY COOL
You think to yourself, "what will be will be."

It's getting kind-of late now.

> THINK
You wonder if he will stay now?"

> A
You wonder, "... stay now?"

> A
You wonder, "... stay now?"

> A
You wonder, "... stay now?"

> A
You wonder if he'll instead just politely say goodnight.

> WAIT FOR LONG LONG TIME
Okay.

Now is the moment.

> TOUCH MUCH TOO MUCH
He returns your touch.

You shiver. You quiver. You feel unsure.

> WAIT
You wonder if he has waited, too.

> MAN, TAKE OFF EYES
Removed.

> MAN, BARE YOUR SOUL
He shows you his soul.

> MAN, GATHER ME TO YOU
You are now next to the man.

> MAN, MAKE ME WHOLE
He tells you the secret, and sings you a song (with the silent
tongue.)

>


--
Julie Brandon

Andy Scarfe

unread,
Jul 19, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/19/98
to
In article <slrn6r3tqg...@merp.demon.co.uk>, Julie Brandon
<nos...@merp.demon.co.uk> writes

>On 19 Jul 1998 00:46:10 GMT, Doeadeer3 did spake:
>
>Okay, here's my effort -- I'd be interested to know if *anyone* get's
>it (clue: female english artist, new age / punk era -- not so famous
>in the states but a few Europians ought to recognise it). I've made
>it fairly complete to give y'all a chance...
>
Alrighty I will.

>
>> MAN, MAKE ME WHOLE
>He tells you the secret, and sings you a song (with the silent
>tongue.)
>

He sings it to you in the silent dawn.

(I'm english so it's not \(that\) hard) and she's not related to Sinead!

Try these

>CALL HER
It's after midnight.

>RUN
Your run until you burst.

>G
You pass the howling woman who stands outside her door.

>WALK
You walk around the lake then wake up in the rain.


>GOUGE AWAY
You can gouge away.

>STAY ALL DAY
If you want to.


Standing By The Fireside
There's a good tradition of love and hate.


Andy Scarfe E-mail: an...@bridgest.demon.co.uk
'Why lie when the truth is worse?"

Brad O`Donnell

unread,
Jul 19, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/19/98
to
This is too much fun.

>TAKE IT.
You can't.
>g.
You can't.
>TAKE IT FROM HIM
"You can't take it away from me."

>X HEAD.
It's like a hole.

>BOW DOWN BEFORE THE ONE YOU SERVE.
You get what you deserve.


--
Brad O'Donnell
"A story is a string of moments, held together by memory."

Joe Mason

unread,
Jul 20, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/20/98
to
> throw away the radio suitcase
Which do you mean, the broken radio suitcase or the radio suitcase that
keeps you awake?
>that keeps you awake
Done.
[Your score just went up by 1 point]

> hide the telephone
Done.
You realize that sometimes you're just not okay.
[You score just went up by 1 point]

Joe


LucFrench

unread,
Jul 20, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/20/98
to
>KARMA POLICE, ARREST MAN.
"Why?"
>KARMA POLICE, HE TALKS IN MATH.
"So?"
>KARMA POLICE, IT BUZZES LIKE A FRIDGE OR LIKE A DETUNED RADIO.
"Okay."

...

>GET IT.
This is what you get.
>GET IT.
This is what you get.
>GET IT.
"This is what you get when you mess with us."

...

>GIVE ALL TO POLICE
It's not enough.

Thanks
Luc "OK" French

Weird Beard

unread,
Jul 20, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/20/98
to

CLIMB EERY MOUNTAIN>
Climbed.
FORD EVERY STREAM>
Forded.
FOLLOW EVERY RAINBOW TILL YOU FIND YOUR DREAM>
Followed. Found. (your score has gone up 42 points)

Jason Compton

unread,
Jul 20, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/20/98
to
>EXAMINE HER

She seems to have:
an invisible touch

>EXAMINE INVISIBLE TOUCH

It takes control, and slowly tears you apart.

--
Jason Compton jcom...@xnet.com
Editor-in-Chief, Amiga Report Magazine VP, Legacy Maker Inc.
http://www.cucug.org/ar/ http://www.xnet.com/~jcompton/

IF

unread,
Jul 20, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/20/98
to
>FRIEND, STEP BACK FROM LEDGE

>FRIEND, CUT TIES WITH ALL LIES
Which lies?

>THAT YOU'VE BEEN LIVING IN

------------------------------------------

..>SAY "YOU'LL SHARE WITH ME ONE LOVE, ONE LIFETIME."

>SAY "THE WORD"
And I will follow you.

---------------------------------------------

>HEAR PEOPLE SING

>SING SONGS
Which songs?

>SONGS OF ANGRY MEN
It is the music of a people who will not be slaves again.

-------------------------------------------------

>HELP MEDICINE GO DOWN
How?

>EAT SUGAR
How much?

>1 SPOONFUL
The medicine goes down in the most delightful way

Ian Finley

Jim Halliday

unread,
Jul 20, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/20/98
to
>TURN OFF LIGHTS

It is now less dangerous.

>ENTERTAIN US

I didn't understand that sentence.

>A MOSQUITO

I didn't understand that sentence.

>MY LIBIDO

I didn't understand that sentence.

>LOOK

I didn't understand that sentence.

>I

I didn't understand that sentence.

Actually, I'm having trouble understanding anything that you are saying.

*** You have lost. ***

_________________
Jim Halliday
jhallida@ indiana.edu

Charles Gerlach

unread,
Jul 20, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/20/98
to
Although this really works better with mainstream songs, I figure
a group this eclectic has to have some more They Might be Giants fans
besides me.

> get shoehorn

Which shoehorn do you mean, the one with teeth, or without?

> with

You know there's no such thing.
------

Where your eyes don't go a filthy scarecrow waves his broomstick
arms and does a parody of each unconscious thing you do.

> turn and look

He's gone, behind you. On his face he's wearing your confused
expression, where your eyes don't go.

--
Charles Gerlach doesn't speak for Northwestern. Surprise, surprise.

spa...@spatch.net.nospam

unread,
Jul 20, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/20/98
to
On Mon, 20 Jul 1998 09:45:21 -0500, Charles Gerlach
<cage...@merle.acns.nwu.edu> wrote:

>Although this really works better with mainstream songs, I figure
>a group this eclectic has to have some more They Might be Giants fans
>besides me.
>
>> get shoehorn
>
>Which shoehorn do you mean, the one with teeth, or without?
>
>> with
>
>You know there's no such thing.

>TRIANGLE MAN, FIGHT PARTICLE MAN

Triangle wins.

<YAShamelessPlug>
( I done signed that on an object at ifMUD, and you should, too! )
</YASP>

--
der spatchel reading, mass 01867
resident cranky fovea.retina.net 4000

"i just wanted to carve a little z on your forehead -- nothing serious."

Dennis....@delta-air.com

unread,
Jul 20, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/20/98
to

>BREATHE
How do you want to breath?

>BREATHE DEEP
Breathe deep, the gathering gloom...

>WATCH
What do you want to watch?

>WATCH LIGHTS
Watchlights fade in every room...

-----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==-----
http://www.dejanews.com/rg_mkgrp.xp Create Your Own Free Member Forum

Dennis....@delta-air.com

unread,
Jul 20, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/20/98
to

>X LEFT
There are fins to the left.

>X RIGHT
There are fins to the right.

>X ME
You're the only girl in town.

JID

unread,
Jul 20, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/20/98
to
In article <35B358...@merle.acns.nwu.edu>, Charles Gerlach
<cage...@merle.acns.nwu.edu> wrote:

>Although this really works better with mainstream songs, I figure
>a group this eclectic has to have some more They Might be Giants fans
>besides me.

>WHO WATCHES OVER YOU?

Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch.

>MAKE A LITTLE BIRDHOUSE

Where do you want to make the birdhouse?

>IN YOUR SOUL

Made.

>PUT FINE POINT ON IT

Don't do that.

>SAY "I'M THE ONLY BEE IN YOUR BONNET"

I don't see who you're referring to.

--
Johanna (aka Joey): ow...@best.com
-------------------------------------------------------
"They honed his instinct for the jugular of weakness.
It got so sharp that sometimes he couldn't look at
himself in the mirror."
-- James Ellroy, "L.A. Confidential"
------------------------------------------------------
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern In Wonderland, American
Gothic, Jeunet & Caro: http://www.best.com/~owls
-------------------------------------------------------

Gunther Schmidl

unread,
Jul 20, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/20/98
to
>This is too much fun.
>
>>TAKE IT.
>You can't.
>>g.
>You can't.
>>TAKE IT FROM HIM
>"You can't take it away from me."
>
>>X HEAD.
>It's like a hole.
>
>>BOW DOWN BEFORE THE ONE YOU SERVE.
>You get what you deserve.

Sorry, some are quite obscure :)

>FIND HAPPINESS
You find you found it in slavery.

>KNOW EVERYTHING. BE EVERYWHERE. F*** EVERYONE IN THE WORLD.
>DO SOMETHING THAT MATTERS.

You wish.

>HURT HIM
"You didn't hurt me, nothing can hurt me"

>WRAP LOVE IN ALL THIS FOIL
Ok.

>X ME
You are a big man (yes you are) and you've got a big gun.

>LOVE. HATE. FEEL.
There's not much left to love.
Too tired today to hate.
You feel the empty; you feel the minute of decay.

>CUT THE HEAD OFF
It grows back hard.

>SHOOT HERE
The world gets smaller.

--
+------------------------+----------------------------------------------+
| Gunther Schmidl | "I couldn't help it. I can resist everything |
| Ferd.-Markl-Str. 39/16 | except temptation" -- Oscar Wilde |
| A-4040 LINZ +----------------------------------------------+
| Tel: 0732 25 28 57 | http://gschmidl.home.ml.org - new & improved |
+------------------------+---+------------------------------------------+
| sothoth (at) usa (dot) net | please remove the "xxx." before replying |
+----------------------------+------------------------------------------+

Stephen van Egmond

unread,
Jul 21, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/21/98
to
Neil...@my-dejanews.com wrote:
> > YETI, SING
> Your abominable is singing.

I am *so* glad that I came back to this newsgroup.

/Steve

--
,,,
(. .)
+--ooO-(_)-Ooo------------ --- -- - - - -
| Stephen van Egmond http://bang.ml.org/

Tim Hamilton

unread,
Jul 21, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/21/98
to
Charles Gerlach wrote:
>
> Although this really works better with mainstream songs, I figure
> a group this eclectic has to have some more They Might be Giants fans
> besides me.
---

>X WORLD

Pain is getting in the way, it's hard to distinguish between the two.

>I

You have:
A Crane.

>X WORLD WITH CRANE.

Ahh, that's better, you are able to see the world apart from pain.
You see nothing special.

--
Tim Hamilton ti...@yarranet.net.au Yarranet

FROBOZZ SOUTH MAGIC SCROLL COMPANY CATALOGUE NUMBER #724C/M

ERDWAD - Stop the tap from dripping.

Dennis....@delta-air.com

unread,
Jul 21, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/21/98
to

>I
You are carrying:
weight
speed
sunflower seeds
carrot juice

>DROP WEIGHT
You can't seem to do that.

>TAKE SPEED
There is a better way.

>EAT SUNFLOWER SEEDS
Done.

>DRINK CARROT JUICE
Done.

>SOAK UP RAYS
Done.
You have dropped the weight.
(Your score has gone up by 5 points.)

>L

Paradise You are standing on a warm, tropical beach. The sun is shining in a
blue sky with scattered, puffy clouds. Gentle waves wash against the
gleaming white sand and a cool breeze brings you the sweet smell of the
ocean. This must be paradise.

There is a cheeseburger here.

>X CHEESEBURGER
The cheeseburger consists of a big, warm bun and a huge hunk of meat.

>GET CHEESEBURGER
Taken.

>EAT CHEESEBURGER

Mmmmm.. Much better than the zuchinni fettuchini you have been eating for
over a week.

>N
Beach
You are further up the beach. Hordes of tourists lie on the sand and play in
the surf.

A pleasant aroma drifts through the air.

There is a sign here.

>X TOURISTS
The tourists are covered in oil.

>SNIFF
Ahh... Somewhere shrimp are beginning to boil.

>X SIGN
The sign reads: Welcome to Margaritaville!

There is a large shaker of salt on the sign.

You drop some more weight. You are now wasting away.

>GET SALT
As you reach for the large shaker of salt, it falls from the sign and rolls to
the north.

>N
Ouch! As you start to go north, you step on something in the sand which blows
out your flip-flop and cuts your heel.

>SEARCH SAND
You dig around in the sand and find a pop top.

>X ME
You have a cut on your heel and a brand new tattoo.

>X TATTOO
It's a real cutie; a mexican beauty. You have no clue as to how it got there.

>N
Home
This is your beach house.

A blender sits on the counter.

You also see a large shaker of salt here.

>X BLENDER
The blender contains a potent concoction.

>GET BLENDER
Taken.

>DRINK CONCOCTION
You drink the concoction. Ahhh... Somehow, you now know that you can hang on.
(Your score has gone up by 40 points)

***You have won***

--
"You can't run away forever, but there's nothing wrong with
getting a good head start." --- Jim Steinman

Dennis Matheson --- http://home.earthlink.net/~tanstaafl
Dennis....@delta-air.com

Allen Garvin

unread,
Jul 21, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/21/98
to
Second April wrote:

>YOU, GET OFF OF MY CLOUD.
Don't hang around, 'cause three's a crowd.


Windswept Moor
This is a lonely heathy moor, so typical of Scotland.

The immortal Highlander is standing here, brandishing his deadly katana.

>WAIT
Suddenly, a sheep falls from the sky, landing on Connor and squashing him
flat.

>EWE, GET OFF OF MACLEOD

(uh, apologies for that)
--
Allen Garvin kisses are a better fate
--------------------------------------------- than wisdom
eare...@faeryland.tamu-commerce.edu
http://faeryland.tamu-commerce.edu/~earendil e e cummings

matthew...@nivets.com

unread,
Jul 21, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/21/98
to

go to Istambul
You can't go back to Istambul!
go to Istambul
It's been a long time gone.


Net-Tamer V 1.11 - Test Drive

Jim Halliday

unread,
Jul 21, 1998, 3:00:00 AM7/21/98
to
One more TMBG one... (I love these!)

>inventory

You are carrying:
a rock
a string (currently tied around the rock)
a prosthetic forehead (currently being worn on your real head)

>turn off the lights

It is now dark.

>whistle

You are whistling in the dark.

________________
Jim Halliday
jhal...@indiana.edu