The IF-Chive (&) Volume 3, Edition 1

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J. D. Berry

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Mar 11, 2003, 10:19:09 PM3/11/03
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IF Dance Presents(tm): The Hokey-Pokey

> do the hokey-pokey
You seem to want to do the hokey-pokey, but I
can't see with whom.

> do the hokey-pokey with friends, relatives and
the girl I was, until now, hoping to impress.
How do you want to do the hokey-pokey?

> obligingly
You'll have to tell me how to do that, specifically.

> put my arm in
Which arm do you mean, my right arm or my left arm?

> right
What do you want to put my right arm in?

> *in*
You can't see any such thing.

> distend my right arm
I don't recognize that verb.

> extend my right arm.
Remember the last time you tried this?

> hyperextend my right arm.
Your "friends" laugh.

> shake it all about
I don't suppose your pride would care for that.

> wave my right leg
Can't do that... yet.

The girl you fancied exits to the east, laughing.

> do the hokey-pokey
[Unknowingly for the show "Funniest Home Videos."]

> turn myself around
I only understood you as far as wanting to turn
myself.

> turn myself
That can't be turned in this crowd.

> WINNABLE
This dance is unwinnable.

> sit

*** You have failed to understand what it's all about. ***

> restart, restore or politely excuse self to hotel
room claiming illness?

--
James Gostak: License to Zank
Distimming movie deaves everywhere, summer 2003

"Are you zonchaing for me to doatch?"
"No, Mister Gostak, I'm zonchaing for you to be zanked."
<fade to dobbly woman disnarbing>

--
Spotlight NPC--An Interview with the Merchant of Venice

>buy goods

"Thou know'st that all my fortunes are out to sea."

The merchant sighs.

>ask Antonio about Shylock.

"Prick him, and he shall bleed."

The merchant broods.

> ask Antonio about Portia

"Dost thou not wish to inquire of me such news as
regards her flaxen bosoms?"

The merchant suppresses a smile, then frets.

--
IF-Archive Robbed

Late night (GMT) burglar makes off with Atari emulator,
mapping tool, several games.

Witnesses say they saw the index counters increase by one,
but apparently no one got a good look at the perpetrator.
Maintainers are looking for an off-white iMac with an IP
address starting with 14.

--
Game to Incorporate "Time Travel"

--
[Announce] Star Wars: Episode 1 -- The Phantom Menace,
Release 2.

Lame sequences rewritten
Special effects kept in check
NPC Binks eliminated
Weary, cynical, movie-saturated audience refreshed
GLULX-safe.

--
IF-Chive Personals

As good-looking as ever PC seeks non-cardboard,
self-directed NPC for lit-room dinners, sparkling
menu-based conversation and walks across 7 distinct,
story-relevant, interesting in itself, beach
locations. Maze-lovers need not apply.

PC seeks name, identity. Befuddled, memory-impaired
male seeks enigmatic woman who will lead him to the
answers he, ultimately, has to discover for himself.
She should love metaphors, disappear from time to
time, and possess the ability to make a man think
he's losing what's left of his mind. No women who
"claim to know him, but are just using his condition
to get what they want while he goes along with it,
what with him not having any better alternatives
and all" please.

--
Area Man Purchases Advent.z5 with the "Buy it Now"
Feature on EBay.

"200 Euro, baby. No bidding, no waiting," said man
smugly.

--
Fourth-Grader Reviews I-O.

This report is about I-O. I liked it. It was a good
game. Tracy was nice. Some people were nice to Tracy.
Some people were not. You should play this game. Dad
said I should not play this game. But the teacher
said this report is due tomorrow and Tiffany hogged
the computer all day and this is all I could find. I
had to go to bed by 10 p.m.

I liked the desert. It was hot. I think I will play
Desert Heat for my next report.

In conclusion, I think you should play I-O.

--
Winter AIF Comp -- A Rousing Success

--
Hints from a Ripped-to-Shreds Walkthrough

> Nudge the tenth canoe

(If you *push* a canoe, it will drift into the river
before you can board. If you nudge any of the other
twenty canoes, they won't move enough.

NB: If you're playing the "troll" character, then,
due to your super strength, a nudge has the same effect
as a push. Thus, the troll needs to "brush sixteenth
canoe." Oh, yeah... the sixteenth canoe is larger than
the others, but not to the naked eye. You could have
found this out by a "compare 'x' canoe to 'y' canoe."

Easter Egg: Compare fifteenth canoe to seventeenth
canoe.)

--

JDB


David Kinder

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Mar 12, 2003, 4:02:04 PM3/12/03
to
> Game to Incorporate "Time Travel"

I was coping until this one, which caused me to start laughing
in the middle of an open-plan office.

Next time I'll remember not to read your posts at work, Berry.
:-)

David


Stas Starkov

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Mar 17, 2003, 11:58:17 AM3/17/03
to
"J. D. Berry" <jdberryE...@cox.net> wrote:

[SNIP]

> --
> Fourth-Grader Reviews I-O.
>
> This report is about I-O. I liked it. It was a good
> game. Tracy was nice. Some people were nice to Tracy.
> Some people were not. You should play this game. Dad
> said I should not play this game. But the teacher
> said this report is due tomorrow and Tiffany hogged
> the computer all day and this is all I could find. I
> had to go to bed by 10 p.m.
>
> I liked the desert. It was hot. I think I will play
> Desert Heat for my next report.
>
> In conclusion, I think you should play I-O.

Nice try. :-)

No way!

--
Stas Starkov (stas_ at mail.rb.ru)


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