Crack-me-up lines in RPGs
Canadian Traveller
crack up the entire group, intentionally or not, but usually the latter.
Here's a few that I've been privy to:
--
A police ERT member (the grenadier) on a space station, whilst engaged with
a group of cybered hit men and after firing off a *very* special (and
illicit) round:
"Gee, I wonder what the yield is on that."
--
A space marine Warrant Officer gets slammed against a bulkhead due to
unexpected and sudden acceleration. The player is known for being, ahem,
creative:
"Don't I get to dodge the wall?"
--
A security man on a ground survey team approaches his commanding officer to
report seemingly aggressive plant life on the planet:
"Sir, Dr. Lund says she's being stalked by a bush."
--
Anyway. Anyone else have any they'd like to share?
J.D.
--
J.D. Frazer [Art Director] | The views expressed in this article do
Canadian Traveller Magazine | not necessarily reflect the opinions of
Vancouver, British Columbia, CANADA | the publishers. In short: My opinions,
Canadian_...@mindlink.bc.ca | and mine only.
Aaron F Johnson
new recruit that was picked up mid-trip turns out to be an annoyingly
naive whiz kid that is determined to make all sorts of improvements on
military technology. He is instructed to place his "experiments" in the
electronics lab and to lock it. He begins making an electric lock, and
soon has wire strewn across the hall outside the lab. The smartgunner,
nicknamed Zap, comes down from the barracks to fetch said tech and sees
the mess. He begins clearing out the wire, calling the sergeant by
radio. As he begins, his arm strikes the uninsulated wire that the tech
was using and he is knocked unconscious. The tech calls the medic.
"Perkins to Medbay. We have a problem. Zap got, well, zapped."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mekton: Equally annoying tech, who has rewired one of the mecha. An
argument about the usefulness of his modifications (the IFF signature of
the mech no longer exists, allowing the transport's guns to shoot at
it). His reasons for knowing the cutting edge tech are that his parents
are in the R&D and send him tech supplements (the sergeant is not pleased
to hear this). The mecha pilot arguing with the tech gets trapped in an
increasingly complex diatribe of what the tech is trying to do and why.
"Stop explaining! I liked it better when your parents were
simply sending you the top secret computer parts."
In the same game, an insubordinate private complains to his sergeant:
"I can understand you; you're insensitive and a bully. But he's
(pointing at the officer) incompetent!"
Sgt: "He's just the lieutenant."
Aaron Johnson
Ebony the Black Dragon
John Novak
>You know what they are. They're lines spoken by the players that utterly
>crack up the entire group, intentionally or not, but usually the latter.
After spending several gaming sessions tracking down "The
Sword of Immortality" to it's fianl resting place. The mage
in the party, a rather cynical, sardonic man walked over with
his hands in his pockets, blew some dust off it and turned to
the rest of the group saying,
"So this is the Sword of Immortality. What's it doing in a
crypt?"
One of my better lines, I think.
The GM fell out of his chair.
>--
>A security man on a ground survey team approaches his commanding officer to
>report seemingly aggressive plant life on the planet:
>"Sir, Dr. Lund says she's being stalked by a bush."
Ouch. That's awful.
--
John S. Novak, III Minions wanted
j...@cegt201.bradley.edu See .plan for details
The Humblest Man on the Net
Russ Brown
: >You know what they are. They're lines spoken by the players that utterly
: >crack up the entire group, intentionally or not, but usually the latter.
In a fantasy setting, Rolemaster I think, a weaselly guy in our party
had a problem with a fairy which followed him around and adorned him
with flowers and perfume while he was sleeping (he got weird looks when
we entered crowded towns).
One night he tried to fool the fairy by taking off all his clothes and
handing them on a tree. He thought she might think it was him.
That night some thugs attacked us in our camp. The weasel, completely
naked, stood up, then asked the GM if the bad guys might mistake
his clothes for a person and go after them instead. The GM replied:
"No, because they have the power of sight."
--
-------------------------------------------------------------------
"Cease to be ruled by dogmas and authorities; look at the world!"
- H.G. Wells paraphrase of Roger Bacon's works
bro...@mei.com - way past geek denial...
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Mary K. Kuhner
archers in black robes. He asks me (the GM) how many. "Ten in front;
you think there are probably ten more in back."
About five minutes later he rejoins the party, and they ask him how
many. "Twenty." Pause. "Twenty in front, probably twenty more in
back."
There is some goggling from the other players (they heard what I said)
but their characters accept this story, until about ten minutes later
they've made their plan. The scouting character, they say, should try
to take out the archers with spells. He's shocked. "But there are
forty--just in front, and probably forty more in back!"
At this point everyone else burst out laughing, but the player just
didn't get it. I'm not sure he ever *did* get it. On the other hand,
he was working on his PhD dissertation at the time, which is enough to
rot anyone's brains....
Mary Kuhner mkku...@genetics.washington.edu
Christopher L. Mills
through the rule book:
"So, just how much does 5 points of attractiveness cost?"
-----
GM response to a player suggesting that the adversary might just be an
ruse of some sort:
"Maybe it's just an illusion that does five dice killing."
-----
A less than appropriately concerned 4-color hero conducting hostage
negotiations:
"It won't do you any good to hide behind the girl. She'll only stop three
points."
-----
Finally, in the understatement category:
"The demon hits. You probably want to dodge."
-----
Chris
--
"...how many times have I told you not to play under the anvil tree?"
MATOC...@news.delphi.com
links between Dracula, Nyarlathotep, and an aboriginal deity called Sand Bat.
Chris the Stage Magician "Al, you were unconscious for three hours! What
happened?"
Al the Biker "Well, I gave the little blue lizard back his boomerang."
OK, so maybe you had to be there....
-Matociquala
David G. Homerick
: You know what they are. They're lines spoken by the players that utterly
: crack up the entire group, intentionally or not, but usually the latter.
On first trying GURPS Bunnies & Burrows:
"But I don't wanna be a bunny. Can't I be a cougar who's a friend to the
bunnies?"
He never did get into the game.
David Homerick sac5...@saclink.csus.edu
Greg Mohler
>
>>You know what they are. They're lines spoken by the players that utterly
>>crack up the entire group, intentionally or not, but usually the latter.
>
Hookay, here's a few, hopefully the humor translates...
A Battletech-Cthulhu campaign test-run (I'm still getting the bugs out of that
puppy): A rather unhinged PC was trying to get a permit to dig out a
sealed up room in an arcology's sewer system. The administrator though that
our hero was completely nuts, so the PC replies, in all seriousness, "I saw
the room with my voodoo scope! Now do you believe I'm sane?!" The irony
of it was that he really did find the room with his voodoo scope.
In an AD&D dungeon-hopping campaign long ago, the party thief would make it
his priority to sniff out all the magic items in the vicinity, and take them
before the rest of the party noticed what was going on. He managed to
accumulate quite a hoard, which he carried on him at all times. The party
never caught on (they just thought I was being stingy!) until that
fateful encounter with a type IV demon, when the thief's player said:
"I put on my cloak! Can it still see me?!"
Needless to say, no one else even knew I had handed out a Cloak of Invisibility
A different AD&D campagin: the party, one of whom was a mage-thief, rides into
a town where the people apparently hate mages (campaign history stuff). They
circle the suspicious looking mage-thief, planning to burn him at the stake.
One of the other PCs says: "Hey, leave him alone! He's not a mage! He's, uh,
a thief!" That didn't really help matters :)
greggo
--
__________________________________________________________________________
! Greg Mohler: ! "Whatever happened to Pong?!" !
! Physics Guy ! -Frank Black !
! (gre...@pacific.mps.ohio-state.edu) !
Shane Hamish William Travis
We were looking for a few mercenaries for a 'guard the caraven' scenario
and introducing a new player to our group. The player was a bit of a
combat monster, and he had put together an acrobatic, swashbuckling
character who was a master of all bladed weapons.
In order to verify that he was competent with his weapon, we agreed to a
sparring match as a test of skill. "Don't be too embarassed if I
humiliate you," the character said in a horrible accent, "as I am
considered by many to be the finest swordsman in all of France..."
He and our best fighter square off, roll their to-hits, and... thunk. 18.
Critical failure.
We rolled to see what it was, and turned out he had dropped his sword and
stabbed himself in the foot.
Our inscrutable Ranger-type bent over, picked up the sword and dusted it
off. Handing it back to the PC, he squinted at him and said;
"France must be a lot smaller than I thought."
The weapons-master never did get any respect after that...
Shane Travis | Opportunity is missed by most people because
sht...@duke.usask.ca | it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan | -- Thomas Edison
DuaneVP
Ursa named BooBoo the other a Lizard Man named SnailHead. Both are
outlaws seperated from the rest of the mob (PCs) and evading police
through a succession of shootouts homicides and stolen car chases. Having
evaded pursuit for the sixth time that day they pull up to a hotel where
they hope to rest a while. The GM then reminds us of our severe injuries
and blood soaked uniforms (not entirely our own blood either) and says
we're being stared at.
Snail Head says "It's okay folks. We're meatcutters on strike."
Downtime
aka Duane VanderPol
Dua...@aol.com
"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistiguishable from magic" -
Clarke
Silak
Quote by a female player playing a female GURPS fighter character:
"I've got PMS and two swords. Any questions?"
Live Long and Prosper
Silak of AOL
Jim Bracher
A party of gold-happy adventurers are wandering about through
some large dungeon/?; they come across a beautiful maiden sleeping
next to a unicorn. The dwarf pipes up "take her, she's treasure".
The maiden wakes up, changes form back into a -big- dragon, and flies
off. The party gives the dwarf hell.
A wounded, low-level mage is sitting back at camp, recovering
from previous encounters in the afor-mentioned dungeon. The DM
tells him " A large dragon flies overhead". His reply "I let it".
--
JS Bracher
sch...@eskimo.com
--
JS Bracher
sch...@eskimo.com
Lyle Youngblood
Characters:
Fighting Patriot - Hero. A "super-soldier" type. Normal human, but
expert fighter, both armed and unarmed.
Chameleon I - Hero. A "mad gadgeteer". Also a shape-changer due to
a lab explosion with unlooked for side-effects.
Chameleon II - Villian. Manimal created by Dr. Moreau by blending
human and chameleon DNA. Shape-shifter, and also has a gun.
Party is attacking one of Moreau's bases and gotten split up just a
little when lights go out, a gunshot rings out, and the lights come
back on. Fighting Patriot rushes around the cormer. You see two
Chameleons (Hero type), one is lying in a pool of blood, while the
other stands over him with a smoking pistol. What do you do?
Fighting Patriot: I shoot the one standing up. I've NEVER known
Chameleon to be combat-effective. (He was right.)
Lyle
Kid Kibbitz
A pompous/aggressive martial-artist/brick type (don't ask) was suckered
into a trap (exploding phone booth) while in his secret ID. While he was
relatively unscathed by the blast, his clothing was not so fortunate--all
that remained was his weapon of choice, a mystical chain weapon that could
emit a blinding burst of light.
Well, as in all such events, the press was unnervingly quick in responding,
cameras and all. In an effort to prevent them from photographing his
exposed identity or physique, this genius snapped his chain at the camera,
attempting to blind it and/or its operator. My character (can't really
remember who it was) jumped in the way, thinking he was attacking them (or
at least would be perceived that way, which amounts to the same thing with
the press).
He protested, "The flash was my doing!" -- apparently trying to appeal to
his heroic reputation.
My immediate response? "No--the flash was your un-doing."
Ah, the subtleties of the English language.... :)
--Kid Kibbitz
WILLIAM FRIERSON
In a previous article, afj...@jove.acs.unt.edu (Aaron F Johnson) says:
>
> "Stop explaining! I liked it better when your parents were
>simply sending you the top secret computer parts."
>
>In the same game, an insubordinate private complains to his sergeant:
>
> "I can understand you; you're insensitive and a bully. But he's
>(pointing at the officer) incompetent!"
> Sgt: "He's just the lieutenant."
Well, this didn't happen during a game, but I remember the briefing we
got before we went out on the land navigation course at Ft Sill, Oklahoma,
during my training as a forward observer (we were all E-1 privates).
The sergeant teaching the course started off telling us what we had to do,
then he said:
"There are going to be a bunch of second Leiutenants out there too. If they
give you any crap about saluting them, go ahead and salute them, but get
their names. If any of them ask you for help, DON'T HELP THEM! If any of them
try and follow you to your points, get their names and give them to me. "
I didn't see any leiutenants except at a distance. They went through in pairs,
we did it solo.
William
--
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
William Frierson Internet: WIL...@Aztec.asu.edu
WILLIAM FRIERSON
In a previous article, mi...@mendel.berkeley.edu (Christopher L. Mills) says:
>-----
>A less than appropriately concerned 4-color hero conducting hostage
>negotiations:
>
>"It won't do you any good to hide behind the girl. She'll only stop three
>points."
Actually this quote originally came frome Leading Edge Games "Living Steel"
RPG. Their books are liberally laced with comments like that in the
sidebars. The game deals with power armor suits, and feature one Axel, who's
always getting into trouble.
Here are a couple of them:
"Axel said there's 3 sub-basements in the building. Oh, and bring some
rope."
"Axel, how could you run out of ammo! It's got 700 shots."
There are many more, including Gil the singing bandit, who says the quote
about the girl.
Later
moo...@shrsys.hslc.org
I'll never forget one Marver Super Heroes game I played. My character had
been MAJORLY beat on. I was hit by an almost-nuclear bazooka, been generally
pummelled, poisoned, and had a compound leg feacture. The villans are
using a bomb to cover their escape in a back alley. My character was totally
out of it, a bloody mess. Everyone's response to the situation:
" Quick, throw the body on the bomb. "
Fortunately, they reconsidered before detonation.
Michael M. Moolick
dr...@wbb.com
This crack-up line was among players i.e. out-of-character. This guy
was involving us in the accountant's nightmare called CHAMPIONS, and
against the emphasis of the entire rules system he was trying to get us
to role-play. So we the players were getting flak for not thinking
through the complicated plot-line of the story, and dealing improperly
with an NPC group.
So the GM asks us, "Think a minute. What are the two ways in
CHAMPIONS to get NPCs to do what you want?"
At which point one player, Charles P., says, "Well...there's
violence, and...."
We totally cracked up at that.
Jay Knioum
>>In <64586-7...@mindlink.bc.ca> Canadian_...@mindlink.bc.ca (Canadian Traveller) writes:
>>
>>>You know what they are. They're lines spoken by the players that utterly
>>>crack up the entire group, intentionally or not, but usually the latter.
Okay, one of the characters was teleported into the midst of a deep, dark
jungle. Another character divines his location, teleports to about 30
yards from it, and finds the first character has been captured by a large
group of natives.
The second character shouts from the trees to the natives to let
the first character go, or suffer horribly. Unimpressed, the natives'
leader shouts back, "Show yourself, or we kill him!"
The hidden character, in all seriousness, shouts back, "Who?"
In another campaign, a bard in the party had been getting on everybody's
nerves for quite some time, so one of the mages sticks a permanent illusion
of fire around him. The bard blows his disbelief horribly, and runs
screaming out of the building (they were hanging out in a party member's
townhouse at the time).
One of the other characters, returning from an errand, enters the
room and asks in a totally casual voice, as if he were talking about the
weather; "Has anyone noticed the burning bard in the front yard?"
I hope you all see the humor; we still split our sides remembering these.
jk
"And I saw him, after, stand high on a heap of slain, from spur to plume
red as the rising sun with heathen blood."
-- Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Shadowmeister
Brian K. Wade
Any resemblance between my views and
my employer's views is purely coincidental.
"Do the Bad Guys think that they are the Good Guys,
and that the Good Guys are the Bad Guys?"
-- My 3 year old son (who's 4 now)
David A. Terhune
My character and his only friend (another PC) rented a slave girl
from one of the local markets and took her to the Garden of Obscene
Statues for a little fun. While we were in the garden we were attacked
by assassins (it's a long story). During the fight the slave girl was
killed. When we took her back to the market, I asked the proprietor:
"I don't suppose you take them back in this condition, do you?"
Needless to say, I didn't get my deposit back.
--
David A. Terhune Unfortunately, we ARE on a budget here.
dter...@sprint.uccs.edu -Londo Mollari, "Believers"
finger for PGP public key
John Martin Karakash
In a champions campaign I was running, I had a villainess who
could make explosions, but required an expedable focus: quartz crystals.
She's sneaking around the hero's base holding this crystal when a hero
confronts her and asks what she's carrying.
Her line: "It's a bomb. Here, catch!"
The hero's player's line, "I catch it."
After rolling the dice for his chance to CATCH it (which was
pretty easy... I mean she was TRYING to throw it to him), catching it
and getting caught in an explosion at point blank range, he finally
realized what he had done.
I don't think he EVER recovered from that one... =)
-john-
--
Justine Rogers
> Canadian Traveller <Canadian_...@mindlink.bc.ca> wrote:
>
> >You know what they are. They're lines spoken by the players that utterly
> >crack up the entire group, intentionally or not, but usually the latter.
"The boss ordered a pizza for five."
We didn't do this, I wonder what would have happened.
"I eat the telephone."
(Loony Verbena in the game I'm currently running. He also ate Lesley. He sicked
up the telephone later as a paradox flaw.)
--
"A small boring constellation with no interesting features" "Welcome my son,
Welcome to the machine" "But Officer, its only a supercritical fast reactor."
Meaningless quotes brought to you by: jus...@pepin.demon.co.uk
mu...@m.imap.itd.umich.edu
> You know what they are. They're lines spoken by the players that utterly
> crack up the entire group, intentionally or not, but usually the latter.
I have 3 from early gaming days... All from the same campaign...
"It's not nice to rape and pillage your own village"
"Undead don't need air"
"He's a 'whimsical' world dominator"
Drengor
VIRTUAL ADEPT
Canadian Traveller <Canadian_...@mindlink.bc.ca> wrote:
>You know what they are. They're lines spoken by the players that utterly
>crack up the entire group, intentionally or not, but usually the latter.
-------
Player 1: Hey, what was the name again of that girl you'r going to marry.
Player 2(me): Mary, yes Mary, Mary, or was it Jackie?
-------
Players from a low level tech enviroment find a laser distance measurer.
After fooling around with it for a while they figure it out. One player
points it at the sky. The display produces the infinity symbol. The player
turns it 90 degrees and comments:" Hey, the sky is eight yards high".
-------
Question to DM: Why do you hate players?
Answer: They kill my nice monsters.
-------
Virtual Adept
_______________________________________________________________________
In my experience there is no such thing as luck, only highly favarouble
adjustments of multiple factors to incline events in one's favour.
-Obi-wan Kenobi-
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
MATOC...@news.delphi.com
of Caine (well, what else?) is standing over the body of one of the major
bad guys in the campaign.
"Never count an enemy dead until you've eaten her heart."
Which he does *not* then proceed to do. As she was liberally poisoned
before death.
Needless to say... she came back.
In the same campaign, King Random asks *my* character's adopted sister,
Alexis, and a caracter named Darius, but fondly known as "the thug,"
("Hi, Paul!") "so. Why did you let Brand out of the Abyss?"
"Uh. Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time..."
Matociquala
Kirsten M Berry
>"There are going to be a bunch of second Leiutenants out there too. If they
>give you any crap about saluting them, go ahead and salute them, but get
>their names. If any of them ask you for help, DON'T HELP THEM! If any of them
>try and follow you to your points, get their names and give them to me. "
I served in the 3rd Ranger Battalion at Ft. Benning, GA in the mid-80's.
Among other things, Ft. Benning is home to IOBC (Infantry Officers' Basic
Course), which attempts to teach 2nd Lieutenants the basics of infantry
operations prior to their assuming commands of their own platoons.
On occasion, the unit tasked with providing "opposing force" troops was unable
to comply, and the Rangers would be forced to play nursemaid. Now, understand
that, according to the Army, this was supposed to be a simple "defend the hill"
operation. Nobody showed us the script..... ;-)
In two days, we taught those shave-tails the meaning of terror. We were
everywhere. We threw tear-gas powder in their latrine area; we stole their
rifles; we did everything short of impersonating a Domino's Pizza delivery guy.
When the commander of the IOBC program complained, our CO responded: "That's
what Rangers do, and if you don't like it, don't invite us to play in your
games!"
We never *did* return the 20 pairs of pants we stole....
Douglas E Berry (masquerading as his wife, Kirsten)
John Martin Karakash
In a CoC campaign a character that everyone thought
had been turned into a zombie (but actually wasn't) came to
a meeting of the PC's sporting a bit of tissue paper on his
face.
"What's the tissue paper for?"
"I cut myself shaving."
"You don't have to shave, you're a zombie!"
"Hey, just because I'm one of the walking dead,
doesn't mean I can ignore personal hygine."
-john-
--
Kirsten M Berry
Gregor, the Russian defective - er, defectOR - was the result of a failed
attempt in the Soviet super-soldier program. He's strong, fast, fearless...
brain damaged.... His KGB masters got him to defect on the theory that he
would do more damage as an American.
Charles (Gregor's player - or perhaps that should be "keeper") is very
theatrical, and always spoke for Gregor "in hokey Russian accent, da?" - a
vocal trait Charles claimed translated into Gregor's native tongue, as well.
Some of Gregor's more memorable exploits:
While fighting a German supervillain, Gregor dodged an axe-blow, only to leap
up, level his plasma rifle at his foe, and inquire, "Remember Stalingrad?"
He then blew the bad-guy through the peanut-brittle windows of the Bank of
America building (an even longer story than this one....).
***
When confronted with a Lovecraftian eldritch horror, Gregor's only comment
was a hushed "Oh my lack of God...."
***
One of my husband's characters was an erstwhile biker who had been melded with
his beloved Harley. The party had gone to one of IronHorse's old hangouts, a
notorious "outlaw" bar, for information, and Gregor was getting *bored.* He
sauntered over to the biggest, ugliest group in the bar, sat down, and said:
"Greetings, socialist brothers - am being pleased for to meet you. You are to
be riding fine Japanese motorcycles, yes?"
***
Finally, on a non-Gregor front:
My husband was playing in a MERP session, where he was Sam to another player's
Frodo. When they reached the point in the narrative which placed the pair in
front of the gates of Mordor, the GM asked how they wished to proceed. "As
God is my witness," the husband tells me, "this is how I responded."
SAM: It's 106 miles to the Crack of Doom, we've got a magic ring, two
daggers, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.
FRODO: Hit it.
The image of the Blues Brothers as halflings brought the game to a violent
halt for the next five minutes...but it came back to haunt them. About an hour
later, two of the elves were interrogating a villager who asked, "Are you with
the authorities?"
ELF 1: No, ma'am.
ELF 2: We're mythical.
Kirsten M Berry
(whose husband watches *The Blues Brothers* far too often....)
John Novak
> In a champions campaign I was running, I had a villainess who
>could make explosions, but required an expedable focus: quartz crystals.
>She's sneaking around the hero's base holding this crystal when a hero
>confronts her and asks what she's carrying.
Guess she was real good at making timebombs, then...
(Well, _someone_ had to say it.)
--
John S. Novak, III Minions wanted
j...@cegt201.bradley.edu See .plan for details
The Humblest Man on the Net
Eric Pawtowski
Let's see here...Fantasy Hero game. Party has been stalked by an
assassian with a majic autofire bow for the past couple of weeks
travel through assorted cities. Hadn't gotten a glimpse of him
yet. Pretty much convinced ourselves that he had a cloak of
invisibility as well as the bow.
The party's warrior priest steps out from an inn and into the street.
A mage asks if the coast is clear. He responds "Must be. I don't
see any invisible assassians."
Later in that campaign, the caravan the party is guarding finds itself at
the foot of a rocky crag, with twelve longbowman at the top of it,
firing arrows for all they're worth. The same priest raises his
War Axe and shouts- "Launch a Frontal Assault! They'll never
expect it!"
(Strange thing is, it worked.....)
--
epaw...@vt.edu----------------------------------------------------
Technicon 12- March 31-April 2, 1995, Blacksburg, VA
SF&F returns to the New River Valley!
David M. Simpson
Game:
Star Wars
Setup:
The our group had stopped a Bounty Hunter and tied him up.
The police stopped us, and the leader ask me, "What's wrong
with that guy"(Tied up BH). Not knowing anything better to
say, said "Oh, he hurt himself falling down, and those are
Splints." Everyone about died!!! I turned about 10 levels
of RED!!!
/------------------------\
| David Simpson |
| matt...@nlp.cpbx.net |
\------------------------/
John Novak
>The party's warrior priest steps out from an inn and into the street.
>A mage asks if the coast is clear. He responds "Must be. I don't
>see any invisible assassians."
Oh, geez. This reminds me of an _old_ AD&D game from long ago.
This is the first session, the group has found their way to the
entrance of a lair of kobolds or nasties or some such.
They send in the mage to investigate. The mage, being paranoid,
casts invisibility and saunters on in, checking carefully for
deadfalls, etc.
I deal with him privately, but a few minutes later, one of the
players playing a fighter-type (Hi, Craig!) gets bored, and tells
me that his character hollers into the mouth of the cavern, "Hey,
invisible mage! Find anything yet?"
Carrie A Schutrick
carnivorous (sp?) flying squirrels, and we're trying to decide if a
squirrel could knock a man-sized being off of his/her feet by ramming
him/her in the chest. So we're sitting there with calculators (everyong
has one; this is, after all, Rolemaster) trying to work out the numbers.
So we're geeks. Sue us.
Player One, with perfect seriousness: So what's the in-air velocity of
a flying squirrel?
Player Two,_sotto voce_: African or European squirrel?
Time out while we laugh hysterically and quote _Holy Grail_ lines....
Carrie S.
Marc Sherman
> You know what they are. They're lines spoken by the players that utterly
> crack up the entire group, intentionally or not, but usually the latter.
The wrong people show up to a gaming session, so we play a game other
than our usual - an AD&D game that I have no character in. So I play
one of the NPCs for the day - a 7th level fighter henchman in a party
with 3 10-12th level Magesses. I am completely outclassed. Some time
later in the adventure, we come across a rod of rulership, which the
Wizards decide I can have to make my character a bit more useful.
Pumping the rod up in the air, with my best Beavis and Butthead voice,
I shout, "Yeah, yeah, this rod RULES!"
--
+----------------------------+------------------------+---------------------+
| Marc Sherman-3b++SysDesEng | "What? Rhesus Peasus? | UW wants nothing |
| University of Waterloo | Latin. Must be Latin." | to do with anything |
| mshe...@zeus.uwaterloo.ca | - Edward Ka-Spel, LPD | I say. |
+----------------------------+------------------------+---------------------+
Bill Seurer
PCs had just pulled the pin on a grenade-like explosive when he was
knocked down by one of the "bad guys" from behind. The bad guy demanded
his surrender to which the PC responded (after hearing the hiss of the
burning fuze)
"Would you if I crawled over there before surrendering?"
--
- Bill Seurer Language and Compiler Development IBM Rochester, MN
Business: BillS...@vnet.ibm.com Home: BillS...@aol.com
Bob Schroeck
From my fantasy campaign:
On learning that various members of the party, separated by great
distance, were being simultaneously briefed by individualized divine
visions about a holy quest they were about to undertake, the cleric in the
party declared, "I continually marvel at the efficiency of the gods."
In a different adventure, the party had just discovered that a warehouse
they had bought (because it housed an entrance to an underground city)
had been "occupied" by the local military, who refused to let them in,
even though they were the ones who asked the military to guard it. (Long
story behind this...). They were referred by the enlisted grunts to the
captain running the operation. The mage turns to the rest of the party
and says, "Okay, let's break the captain's kneecaps." After they meet
the captain, said fellow claims he answers *only* to the king, and
refuses to give them access. The mage then turns to the rest of the
party and says, "Okay, let's go break the *king's* kneecaps."
A third incident: The party had been gathering a large amount of
intelligence on their current project. After a particularly detailed but
rather irrelevant chunk of data had been acquired, the
fighter-not-a-thief said, "That tells us... um... actually, that tells us
absolutely nothing."
From a V&V campaign I play in:
When asked in her first game (she'd never rpg'ed before) what she wanted
to do, my wife responded "I'm going to go for violence, 'cause I know
that works."
From a GURPS Supers game I ran at Origins a couple years ago:
A flying super going after a sniper on top of a high-rise asked, "If I
knock him off the building, how many seconds do I have to interrogate him
before he hits the ground?"
From a GURPS Supers/Horror game I ran at the same Origins:
"Wait a minute. Dead people walking around get torched. It's one of the
basic rules."
Not quite from within a game, but close... a comment by a friend on a
character who had a bonus to his Fireball spell when he was in the
Hells: "It's like having a better water gun for use only against fish."
And finally, from the GURPS campaign I run on eWorld: A near-immortal
elf with the Destiny advantage commented: "I'm destined for greatness in
*everybody's* lifetime!"
Benjamin J. Vincent
for a lot of memorable quotes. They had been hired to recover some
treasure that had been taken by a dragon. They found the lair atop a
huge rock spire in the middle of the Bright Desert. Rendaur, the party's
priest, came up with a plan:
"I'll get around in front and cast _Light_ in it's eyes to blind it, then
you guys jump out and kill it."
The others agreed, and Rendaur cast his spell. The Dragon cracked one
eye, and blew him out the cave (500' above the desert floor).
The rest of the party escaped.
***
Later, returning to Greyhawk, the party was shipwrecked on the Pomarj (A
peninsular country controlled by humanoids). Not knowing where they
were, they went straight to a city and knocked on the gates. The locals
weren't to pleased to see a large group of armed humans walking around,
and soon they were being chased cross-country by at least a hundred
orc-types.
Getafix, resplendent in bronze plate armor, was getting a little tired...
he needed a rest:
"I turn around, draw my flail, and surrender."
The rest of the party didn't want to leave him, so they turned and
started lobbing every fire-based weapon they had at their pursuers; which
happened to start a praire fire...
***
Finally, in "safe" country once more, the party was making good time back
towards Greyhawk (though they had been gone MUCH longer than planned,
taking the overland route). Suddenly they were ambushed by a group of
ogres. In the ensuing battle, the gnome Guido McDougal took a near fatal
blow, rendering him unconscious. The party decided retreat was the best
option, and ran for it.
Several weeks later they arrived in Greyhawk, and finally had a chance to
recuperate from their ordeals. It was then that Guido's best friend,
Wolfbane Amadeus No-heart, made the astute observation:
"Who picked up Guido when we ran from those ogres?"
No one had.
***
A later adventure with some of the same characters (those that had
survived :): the party was exploring a tomb. The had gotten past the
first room, but the second was giving them quite a problem. There were
eight corridors leaving the cetral area, but any time they ventured down
a corridor, a stone wall lowered in front of them, and a statue in the
center of the room swiveled and fired off two magic missiles into the
party. When they backtracked, they wall raised again.
For some reason (totally random, I assure you!), the same character
seemed to be getting hit all the time. The party didn't like him much
anyway: he tended to be a loner, and didn't seem to help too much in
combat. So when one of the missiles finally knocked Jojo unconscious,
someone came up with a brilliant idea:
"Garth will throw Jojo down that hall, then we'll all turn and run down
this one"
ben
Matthew Clark
In article <BWADE.172...@relay.nswc.navy.mil>, BW...@relay.nswc.navy.mil (Shadowmeister) writes:
|> "Anyone got a halfling we can throw in to see if it's a trap?"
|>
I have something similar to this. One of the characters in a game I played
in had a lacky (Bubo) who kept various and sundry peasants they had captured
"tokened" (iconed). Whenever running across a suspicious location (booby-trapped
or otherwise), it was always:
"Bubo, a volunteer!"
_____ __ __ __ _ ___ _ ___ ___ ___ _ _ _ _____ ________
|_ _| \/ | \| |O| _| | | | __| __| | \/ | |_ _|_ _|
| | | | |\ | | |_| |_| A |__ |__ | |> < _| |_&_| [] |_
|_| |_|\/|_|_| \_|O|___|___|/ \|___|___|_|_/\_| |_____|________|
cl...@daffy.csee.usf.edu cl...@thinker.csee.usf.edu
Jo Walton
were told that x in an upstairs room might have some information that would
help our quest. We went up to his room, and were greeted by a man who whispered
"Come In,". He continued to whisper, and of course, we all whispered back.
After some time, one of the PC's whispered "Why are we whispering?" and the guy
said "Well, I've got a speech impediment, I don't know why you're whispering!"
It was in the module that the person who lived in that room had a speech
impediment. It wasn't an adventure, just a location. That's what I mean by
detailed.
--
Jo
*********************************************************
- - I kissed a kif at Kefk - -
*********************************************************
Computer Services Temp
Player: "I've got a fusion generator? What's the damage factor on
that"
GM: "South America."
-Rick Silva
Don Mappin
making a "Book" out of it?
Some really great stories in here!
Don Mappin
Donald Hill
We were approaching a building on Tatooine when a sniper began firing at
us. Everyone started sneaking up to the building to avoid getting hit.
Except for the young Jedi type who boldy declares "A Jedi doesn't sneak."
He then proceeds to get shot twice while approaching the building. He
tells the GM, "Okay, I sneak." the GM replies "I thought Jedi didn't sneak."
Jedi: "Well yah, but I'm still in training."
It was funny to us anyway.
- justin
Dave Perrine
A list of last words spoken by characters was posted a few months back. Can
someone please repost it?
--
Dave
perr...@teleport.com
christopher j taylor
The druid, Sheena, of course, always did. Sheena wanders through a door
that was actually a portal to another part of the dungeon. She steps through
to find a dozen or so orcs in a large room, armed with bows. She surprised
them, amazingly enough, and used her free turn to throw down a small bush
(not to be confused with a small shrubbery :) ), and cast plant growth on
it for cover. The orcs decide it would be humorous to shoot the bush full of
arrows so they draw their bows and nock arrows.
Meanwhile, Kyrric the cleric wonders where the druid wandered off to and
heads to the same door.....
Sheena, as she was casting obscurment on her general area, comes up with the
brilliant tactic of bluffing....
SHEENA: "You'd better watch out! My FIVE POWERFUL FRIENDS will be coming
through THAT DOOR any minute now!"
The orcs look at each other, draw back their bows, and point them at said
door.
Kyrric steps through the door/portal and becomes an instant pincushion.
The fighter Anthrax (me) follows the next turn....
ANTHRAX: "Ok, what do I see?"
DM: "First you see Kyrric lying on the floor looking a lot like a pincushion.
Next, you see a dozen orcs nocking another arrow. Finally, you see a
suspiciously hazy looking bush in the corner."
ANTHRAX: (Covers his eyes, shakes his head) "SSSSSSHHHHHEEEEEEENNNNNAAAA!!!"
*****************************************************************************
Sheena was also known for using Anthrax as a targeting sight.
DM: "Okay, where do you want to target your entagle spell?"
SHEENA: "Hmmmm, target it on Anthrax, he's in the middle of them!"
Of course, in other campaigns, she played a magic user who targeted fireballs
the same way......OUCH!
Chris Taylor
Pink Thing
In a AD&D game I was running years ago. The party was trying to get
out of a dungeon complex of some sort or another, I forget the details.
They were beat up pretty bad. They happen upon a large dragon.
I expect them to retreat. The player playing a fighter announces he
is charging. As he moves his figure into place beside the dragon he tells
me, the GM, "Remember, I only have 17 hit points!" !!!
I don't know what he was expecting me to do about it. I think he thought
I would cut him some slack or something.
--
Dirk Walls<>di...@ecst.csuchico.edu<>Hey ho rock-n-roll, deliver me from nowhere
Frank Pitt
>Anyway. Anyone else have any they'd like to share?
Captain Blaines A. Jerque sees something deadly in the viewscreen :
"Full astern, helmsman"
Crunch!
"Next time ensign, put "rear" in big white letters on the screen
when it's looking backwards "
Frankie
timothy k istian soholt
In a TORG game, the PCs have recently acquired a powerful mystic artifact
called the Possibility Chalice. They're being chased by a vampire who
wants to take the Chalice and bring it back to his master. The vampire
catches up to the party and cuts them off. "Give me the Chalice!" he
snarls.
In perfect streeophonic sound, two of my five players yell out "You want a
_phallus_?!?!?"
(The vampire was eventually killed by the group's New Ager psychic, whose
name was, of all things, Buffy.)
A SHADOWRUN game. The PCs are storming the hive of a group of insect
spirits (trust me; if you don't know, you don't _wanna_ know!), and are
armed for armor-plated, cybered-up metabear. While the PCs are
slaughtering combat-ineffectual worker spirits, the warrior spirits come
up from behind and burst through the walls. The party's shaman is caught
completely unawares and ends up in the mandibles of a rabid ant spirit.
One of the samurai turns around, levels his assault rifle at the thing's
head, and yells, "Hey, bug! Don't squeeze the shaman!!!"
To top it off, he blew the thing's head to little chunks.
--
Tim Soholt (xoa...@unm.edu)
"When the world is threatened with eternal harmony, a little chaos can go a
long way."
-- Ad copy for Masamune Shirow's _Orion_
J. Andrew 'Droid' Flenniken
of thieves. We had come into the campaign late, and the DM had us meet
up with the existing party in the tomb complex they were exploring. We
bluffed the rest of the party into thinking we were low level fighters
and they agreed to take us on as 'guards' since they were low on swords
at the time. After a bit of combined exploring the party beds down for
the night. Arthur (the other thief) and Smee (my thief) pull first
watch.
Being none too swift, we decide to get a head start on the looting and
leave the party, blissfully asleep (and now unguarded). Bad move. The
first room we enter is inhabited by Ghasts. Lots of them. We begin
backing out of the room, impressed by their numbers and, more
importantly, their sharp teeth. As we back out Arthur tries to convince
them that not to eat us:
Arthur: Really, there's lots of you and only two of us. What's the
point? You'll only make yourself hungrier!
At that point Smee was dealing with about 3 Ghasts of his own and shouts out
Smee: EAT HIM! HE'S BIGGER!
They jump him.
I run back to the party, wake them and breathlessly try to get their
help. After not making much sense and being shouted at for waking them
up I proclaim:
(holding out left arm) Arthur!
(holding out right arm) Teeth!
(bringing arms together) EATEN! Now come on!
--
J. Andrew 'Droid' Flenniken ! In a landscape that owed nothing
dr...@photobooks.atdc.gatech.edu !to time and space, which appeared on no
or !map, which existed only in those far
uucp: ...!{decvax,hplabs,ncar,!reaches of the multiplexed cosmos known
purdue,rutgers}!gatech !to the few astrophysicists who have taken
!prism!jf40 !really bad acid, Mort spent the afternoon
Internet: jf...@prism.gatech.edu !helping Albert plant out broccoli.
Klaatu B. Nikto
One of my favorite characters would have to be my priest of Lathandar, Will.
Since I'm the only cleric in the party, I'm the one stuck with handling the
undead, like its that much of a challenge when you're basically 13th level
(he's 12th with the +1 level Ioun stone).
For a while I was saying the same boring stuff "OK I attempt to turn them."
Then I started getting more into it: "Demonspawn, BEGONE!"
But it hit an all time high when I had recently watched Ghostbusters again.
I believe it was a heucuva but instead of the usual "I turn the undead."
I went amok saying:
"Good evening. As a duly designated representative of the church of Lathander,
I hereby order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return
forthwith to your home plane or the nearest convenient parallel dimension."
We had to wait until everyone regained their composure and the DM ceased to
look like he was going to explode from laughing so hard. Later though since
that was a bit long to say over and over when we fought undead, I switched to
a shorter turning speech:
"Back off man! I'm a cleric!"
Yeah. Ghostbusters is one of my favorite movies, next to Big Trouble in Little
China and Army of Darkness. *grin*
Craig Martin Levin
John Novak <j...@cegt201.bradley.edu> wrote:
>I deal with him privately, but a few minutes later, one of the
>players playing a fighter-type (Hi, Craig!) gets bored, and tells
>me that his character hollers into the mouth of the cavern, "Hey,
>invisible mage! Find anything yet?"
I was _bored_. There you were, conversing with Brett, and
the rest of us were staring out into space. Something
needed to be done...
Of course, there's always the story of Jim's campaign...
Here's the scene: A group of characters are in a dragon's
lair. We awaken the big lizard. It is _not_ _amused_. We
book. Alas, the ranger of the party buys the farm.
Sometime later, we are walking in the woods, and a bear
leaps out at us. Most of us react appropriately-ie,
backing off. The druid strides forth, in his best beast
pacifying way, and the GM asks, "Hey, what's the ranger
doing?"
"He's dead, Jim.", the druid's player deadpans.
Time out for cheap Trek lines...
--
Craig Levin Senhor Pedro de Alcazar
Ohio University History Department Shire of Dernehealde
cle...@oucsace.cs.ohiou.edu Midrealm
Jo Walton
characters exactly like herself, playing Helena, erstwhile Queen of Kaldor,
fumbled a sword strike and the villain escaped: "I'm more lethal than this in
real life!".
Doktor Faustus
>>In <64586-7...@mindlink.bc.ca> Canadian_...@mindlink.bc.ca (Canadian Traveller) writes:
>>
>>>You know what they are. They're lines spoken by the players that utterly
>>>crack up the entire group, intentionally or not, but usually the latter.
There was this one con game of Amber, where we ended up in this
techno-industrial-wasteland, and we see this knight (or some such)
dressed in full plate armor made out of automobile parts. I don't know
when exactly it happened, but the words just came sliding out of my
mouth:
"Look! It's a Chevy Cavalier!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ja...@sable.adelphi.edu is also known| "Whoever loved that loved not
elsewhere as Faust, ThE uNsEeLiE, and| at first sight?"
Werther Goethenkin. Support polynymy!| _Hero_and_Leander_, C.Marlowe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
as...@orion.alaska.edu
just defeated a group of street bandits. They were in Sigil, in an alley-
way, and one of the players had a dwarf who wanted to melt down their
weapons to forge a Very Fine battle-axe. The conversation went something
like this:
Player: "I take their weapons and forge a battle-axe out of them."
Player: "Well, I just want to melt them down and make a new axe."
GM: "But you don't have a forge. You're in the middle of town."
Player: "Why can't I just melt them down?"
GM: "With what? Your fricking heat-vision?"
Poor Woody (the dwarf player) was pretty quiet the rest of the game....
-=-=- Scott Tengelin
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Girthlin
> Canadian Traveller (Canadian_...@mindlink.bc.ca) wrote:
> : You know what they are. They're lines spoken by the players that utterly
> : crack up the entire group, intentionally or not, but usually the latter.
In a Mechwarrior game:
The PC's are trying to strike a deal in a shady restaurant. Two blond,
muscular men in suits walk in. One paranoid player decides to see if
they might be carrying any concealed weapons. His request to the
GM comes out:
PLAYER: These two guys who just walked in. Can I see any bulges on them?
William Harris
the moment, but that brought my current campaign's crack-me-up situation
to mind. We're playing GURPS. The starting scenario of one of the
characters is that his teacher of ten or twenty years, Tarvack One-Eye,
has taught him all he can for the moment and thrown him out of the
university to go out, journey, and learn from the world.
Old Tarvack was -supposed- to be a pretty good teacher, moderately well
known in his country, but not very well known in other countries, one
of which was the starting place for our current campaign.
For the first three months, Tarvack made his reputation role EVERY
STINKING TIME. EVERYBODY had heard of him. Bartenders. Old hermits
out in the woods. Famous heroes. Kings. Shopkeepers. Enemies.
The DM started out taking this in stride, but by about
month two, every time that roll came up (which was almost
every time) the players could tell by the disgusted look he got on
his face. The DM took a break for a while and switched with one of
the players for a while and Tarvack STILL kept making his rolls.
By month three, every time we met somebody who recognized Tarvack (which
was darn near everybody, whenever the subject came up), the group
would collapse in laughter.
Finally, the DM conceded that fate seemed to be taking a hand, and
raised Tarvack's reputation to "well-known all over the world" - and
Tarvack hasn't made a reputation roll since.
William Harris (Standard disclaimers)
will...@delphi.com
w.ha...@genie.geis.com
75176...@compuserve.com
SEAN BLANCHARD
friend had designed. The main plot element was that a race of alien
mole men had landed near our town, and we were having various interesting
encounters with them. One of the characters in the group was a
half-wit ranch hand. As it turns out he was the first to discover
the rather large tunnel openings the aliens were making out on the
ranch. He came screaming into town shortly thereafter. When asked
what the problem was he yelled in his best Texam accent, "PRAIRIE BEARS!
Run for your lives! PRAIRIE BEARS!"
Latter in the game some of the characters were exploring an
old mine hoping to find the prairie bear nest. I was pretty bored,
since my character (a 60ish gunfighter with a Speed Draw skill of 98%
and a to hit chance of 8%) was still back in town. The characters in
the mine were being overly cautious, stopping to listen carefully every
few yards. Finally on the seven bizillionth listening try:
Ranch hand: So I listen carefully. What do I hear?
(the GM rolls some dice and is consulting a table when I
quietly say..
"The rapid oxidation of methane gas."
Sean Blanchard
"That which does not kill us, must have missed us." - Miowara Tomokata
Matthew E Grossman
Canadian Traveller (Canadian_...@mindlink.bc.ca) wrote:
: You know what they are. They're lines spoken by the players that utterly
: crack up the entire group, intentionally or not, but usually the latter.
From a cyberpunk game I was running: Butch is sneaking around a
warehouse. Just as he's about to leave, the two rent-a-cops (who were
guarding the place) come back in. The dialogue went something like this:
1st guard: Hey! What are you doing here.
Butch: Hey man, don't shoot! I'm on your side! (draws his .454 and
shoots one of the guards) Oh my god, I just shot him! Did you see
that!(gets shot by the surviving guard) I can't believe you just shot
me! I'm on your side! (shoots guard)
Meanwhile, his buddy John Paul Winchester has been keeping an eye on the
warehouse from a payphone across the street, where he is talking to his
girlfriend. He sees this shootout and says:
JP: Oh wait, Butch just got shot, I gotta go save him. (hangs up)
Butch: (staggering away from the warehouse, bleeding profusely) Did you
see that? He shot me right here, right in the chest, and I didn't even fall
down!
This is what happens if you have a _player_ with a fast talk skill.
Here's one from a high-powered, dimension hopping fantasy campaign I
played in, in which the puns were flying fast. We're just about to go up
against the bad guy, and Ka-te (a PC) is missing. One of the characters
had a magic sack, which he could pull things out of. He says: "I'm
going to try to pull the Ka-te out of the bag." It didn't work.
Other lines from that campaign that I remember were:
"A very disarming experience." said by a character after his arm had
just been ripped off.
"I suppose I'll knock him out with a rock, only... I'll use a soft rock,
so it won't hurt that much." the background to that one is just too
bizarre to explain...
This one wasn't actually said during the session, but in-between
sessions, when a bunch of us players were conspiring. "Ok, we go to a
zoo. We find a panda, and we make it sentient..."
This was also the campaign with the rocket powered roller skates, the
candid camera, and Spot Hidden the invisible dog, but those aren't really
one-liners...
Matt Grossman
mgro...@hamp.hampshire.edu or meg...@hamp.hampshire.edu
Bob Schroeck
few more good lines from the various campaigns around here.
The party had (unintentionally) set fire to a city long abandoned because
of plague. In a desperate attempt to prevent the conflagration from
spreading, the mage in the party polymorphed into a Purple Worm and dug a
trench/firebreak around the city. They were also desperately seeking a
way to fill it with water; in rapid succession they considered and
discarded the idea of digging to a nearby lake (there was none),
magically creating the water by spell (1 cubic foot at a time? No.),
conjuring rain (no one could do it), and so on, until finally, one of the
clerics in the party looks in her backpack and says, "Oh, I have a
decanter of endless water. Would that help?"
At another time, the same party was ensconced overnight in a Leomund's
Secure Shelter (they travel in style <grin>), cast in a rocky area, so
that it was made of stone. A group of slightly brain-dead bandits
attempted to storm the Shelter, failing miserably, up to and including
shattering a tree trunk in vain attempt to use it as a battering ram.
The bandits, though dumb, were persistent, and remained outside the
Shelter all night, waiting to waylay the party as they left. Knowing the
expiration time of the Shelter spell, they armored up and got on
horseback, and used a little clairaudience to determine the direction the
bandits were in, and faced that way. The moment the Shelter vanished,
the mage stood up in his stirrups, waved his hands wildly at the
bandits, and shouted "OOGA BOOGA BOOGA!" The bandits ran.
Two days later, the same bandits tried to waylay the party on the road,
not realizing it was the same party. The PCs got advance warning, and
positioned themselves at the bottom of a hill, facing the oncoming
bandits. The mage stood in his stirrups again, and as the bandits came
over the hill, shouted "OOGA BOOGA BOOGA!" once more. The bandits, true
to form, ran even faster this time.
A little while later, the party met another, lower-level party, and
sicced them on "some really stupid bandits over that way."
From the same campaign: "Our strength is as the strength of ten, because
there are ten of us."
In a Teenagers From Outer Space campaign I run, one character
once remarked to another, "You're a *mercenary* little geek, aren't you?"
From another fantasy campaign; I don't know the context, but the line is
enough: "A god was chasing me, so I ran."
From our V&V campaign, after discussing various tortures that could be
inflicted upon the most powerful character: "Even without feet, I could
kill you."
A "Famous Last Words" comment to come from my original GURPS
International Super Teams playtest sessions: "Relax. You're just having
a metahuman reaction."
A comment made in between games by one of my players, who is an ex-street
gang punk: "I know paladins don't exist in the real world, 'cause I
haven't killed one."
Eric Pawtowski
Let's see here...there was the time in the TFOS game where the Gadgeteer
needed a weapon, and was standing in front of a fabric shop. He ran in,
dissassembled a few sewing machines, and came up with a shoulder-fired
contraption that knitted straight jackets around it's target. We called
it "The Singer Missile".
--
epaw...@vt.edu----------------------------------------------------
Technicon 12- March 31-April 2, 1995, Blacksburg, VA
SF&F returns to the New River Valley!
Scott M Parrish
oppositions leader. He was moving across a tiny ledge 20 feet above the
fight in order to get behind. The one of his own party members called up
to him about getting down and helping, completly blowing his cover. The
oppositions mage looked around, saw him and did a Fire-bolt. (similar to a
lightning bolt). The thief took more damage than he had hit points, so he fell unconcious to the floor. Two other players looked at him as I described the
fact that he was on fire and had just fallen 20 feet.
One player turned to the other and said.
"Well, he got the Stop and Drop part right"
****************************************************************************
* Scott M Parrish * ...And then our hero uttered one of *
* sco...@cmdrdata.ftc.scs.ag.gov * the least used phrases in the english *
* spar...@ftc.scs.ag.gov * language: "Who threw that Buick?" *
****************************************************************************
Yli-Paavola Jyrki
We were attacking a some sort of a lab in Spacemaster. One of the
characters was setting up a bomb, but he was attacked by a guard and
got wounded. His pal saves the situation and starts to give first aid,
but suddenly notices that the wounded guy is still holding some explosives
in his hands. Without further thinking he stics it (50 grams of C16????)
to a plasma grenade and throws it as far as he could.
"I'll take this away so dont'n hurt yourself"
The blast radius was 80 meters.......
Another character was trying to buy a horse in MERP. The opening line:
"You better not try to play any tricks on me, I've been fooled before!"
// morgan
Jay Knioum
> Time out for cheap Trek lines...
There has finally appeared a movie that has surpassed Star Wars and the
Star Trek series for Most References and/or Quotes per Game Session...
..That movie is Pulp Fiction.
"I'm gonna get medieval on your ass!"
jk
MATOC...@news.delphi.com
A party of mostly clerics and magic users, who noticed in the midse of an
assassination attempt that Silence, Darkness, and Fireball all have
roughly equivalent radiuses. Cast them all simultaneously, and you get:
"Dwarmigi's Inconspicuous Fireball-- I don't know what it was, but it
sure hurt like hell..."
Also, from the same game, the Cleric blesses a dead NPC:
"Ominus, dominus, you still dead."
-Matociquala
MATOC...@news.delphi.com
demon.
Demon: "Are you a god?"
Cleric: "No, but I work for one..."
Matociquala
Daniel Harold Spain
All these came from a Vampire Game I ran over a year ago, in no
particular context (thanks to CE for keeping them! :)
-----
A compilation of amusing things people said or posted to the Vampire bboard...
"Send up more bell-boys!" -IS
"Seeing that the criminal justice system was not defending my rights, I
released myself into my own custody." -CE
"Let's meet in Central Pa- Let's meet NEAR Central Park." -JW
"Eight successes on the to-hit roll." -CE
"You miss." -DS
"You all remember Edward, tall, good looking, makes Satan look like a choir
boy? " -SB
"Give me a couple of Uzis, a 44 Magnum, a couple grenades, a USAS 20
automatic shotgun with napalm and explosive rounds, and... a crossbow."
-CE
"Maybe we'll all stay up to see the sun (SHEA RIGHT! AND MONKEYS MIGHT
FLY OUT OF MY BUTT!)." -JW
"[Flame] looked like a pincushion. He musta had some bad experience
with a wood shredding machine or sometin'." -JS
on Helga: "What's a name like that doing on a body like yours?" -BB
"Two weeks... 4th-gen Brujah... gives a whole new meaning to the word
"DEADline" -IS
"I'm told that most Vampires who meet Oblivion do it from an unconscious
death wish. Not true. From what I can see of Jason Flame, he's
completely conscious about it." -BB
"Someone has to tell him that he can't reach Golconda if he's killed
first." -IS
"Flame walks in to the Sabbat's meeting place and is immediately blasted
with enough lead to drop a tank. He seems to enjoy that kind of thing."
-CE
"I'm the misfit of the group, and I think they need me like a beauty
pageant needs a Nosferatu." -JW
"WTGGTTDGH=When The Going Gets Tough The Dice Get Hosey" -IS
"Never noticed huge numbers of Sabbat taking over the Washington
Monument before. I guess you miss these things when you're a mortal."
-CE
"I've always hated Sabbat, and now I hate their games too. Now I know
how Rudolf the Red-nosed Reindeer felt." -IS
"Spiders, dealers. It's all the same to me." -CE
"What's scary is that Jason Flame is now the sanest member of the party." -IS
"Why can't we fight a more congenial enemy who prefers the tropics? No
doubt Babayaga could answer that. (It probably has something to do with
how she looks in a bikini.)" -BB
"I'll Shoot!" -Stupid Nosferatu
"Go Ahead, Mine's Bigger." -BB
"They wouldn't know subtlety if it painted itself purple and jumped up
and down in front of them singing 'Subtlety is here again'..." -IS
"And you're high on life, saying nothing could ever be this good......
.......until you crash into shore and scream, because there's a crab
hanging from your testicles." -JW
"'I diabolrized Cain and all I got was this lousy generation.' 14th gen
Vamp" -CE
-----
Sincerely,
Kanu the Psychotic (ka...@cmu.edu)
Heather White
Our GM for a modernish fighting game loves to come up with "intimidating"
opponents for our team of fighters. Sometimes this works, but if we are
in particularily foul moods we rip them apart.
We had just gotten out of a fight where another team that we normally
beat quite easily on a regular basis had stomped on us due to a phenomal
rolling day for the GM. We were trying to recuperate when there was a
knock on the door and when we open the door there was a 6'3" guy that
completely filled the doorway and his little manager that wanted to
arrange a fight with us. The GM was talking in a gravelly voice and
trying to be intimidating. At this point, the leader of the group got
sick of the guy and said "Have you ever considered weight loss?"
this cracked us up for several minutes as the guy charged across the room
only to be stopped by his little manager, which cracked us up more, and
got up in the leaders face and issued a formal challenge.
Our fearless leader simply responded "Would you like some spearamint?"
It took the GM several minutes to get us off the floor..:)
Heather
"It's not that chocolates are a substitute for love. Love is a substitute
for chocolate. Let's face it, chocolate is much more reliable than any man."
Robert Alexander Joneth
Champions Line. (Its important that you've played champions)
GM: "[sigh...] Somebody help Chris with the subtraction."
From GURPS fantasy:
A character takes an all out attack to attack twice. On both
strikes he aims for the neck, hitting both times. For the
first roll the target makes his health roll and avoids decapitation.
He fails the second time and his head goes flying.
I say, "Ah, the patented Lift and Cut System."
From AD&D:
We were using a laminated sheet of graph paper and felt tip pens
to demonstrate combat. We would mark our moves by drawing an arrow
from our present positon to our final position. (This is important,
the board got quite cluttered.) We [the characters] were about to
receive a charge, and I was separated from the rest of the group
Of course, a full 50% of the charging knights veer off to attack me.
To the GM I say, "See these lines?(pointing at old marks on the map)
I try to hide there."
RAJ
Carlos Rodriguez
This wasn't exactly during a game, but during one of our gaming breaks
(after getting beat up by some orcs):
We had been sitting around talking trash about one of our friends that had
done some injustice to another friend. I piped up "With friends like that,
who needs orcs" We all started laughing, after a few moments it turned
into nervous laughter. Soon we stopped. There was no doubt, no turning
back, we had become gaming nerds...
Carlos
--
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
"...when I enter God's house, my salutation shall sweep the blue threshold, with something free from creases, free from stain, which I shall carry in spite of you...my panache."
-Cyrano de Bergerac
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Carlos Rodriguez Department of Chemistry and Biochemistry
University of Oklahoma
car...@chemdept.chem.uoknor.edu Norman OK
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Peter D. Cury ry
Dark Young of Shub Niggarath, the shock of the encounter was enough to
send poor Jimmy (our ace, cub reporter) over the edge into pansaism
(sp?). For the rest of the encounter he went around interfering with the
other characters shouting "Hey guys! It's OK! It's just an elephant
escaped from the zoo!". Luckily someone bashed Jimmy over the head before
he could go over and try to calm down the "elephant".
---
--
Peter D. Curry They're havin' virtual sex.
pdc...@panix.com They're eatin' virtual food.
peter...@iqinc.com No wonder these puppets
Are always in a lousy mood. - Laurie Anderson
MATOC...@news.delphi.com
The secret last syllable of Azathoth's name is, of course, "Ski!"
(He is, after all, the Pole of the universe...)
(Ducking rotten fruit all the way out the door...)
Matociquala
Doktor Faustus
>In article <13FEB199...@rigel.tamu.edu>,
>Jay Knioum <jmk...@rigel.tamu.edu> wrote:
>
>>There has finally appeared a movie that has surpassed Star Wars and the
>>Star Trek series for Most References and/or Quotes per Game Session...
>
>>..That movie is Pulp Fiction.
>
>>"I'm gonna get medieval on your ass!"
>
>The thief was quite happy to tell us where to go after I said that while
>looking at my axe handle...
Doktor Faustus
>>..That movie is Pulp Fiction.
>
>>"I'm gonna get medieval on your ass!"
>
> That was a fun one to use in an interrogating session last week.
>The thief was quite happy to tell us where to go after I said that while
>looking at my axe handle...
But...in a fantasy-type game, everything on your ass is medieval, isn't it?
Jason Stratos Papadopoulos
dungeon level. We find a giant stone dragon's mouth with some levers
nearby. We find out the thing can belch fire, but when we turn it off
we unknowingly leave the gas tap open. HOURS later, at the other end
of the level, we're battling a hydra and someone wants to throw a flask
of burning oil at it. BOOOOMMMM! While the DM is rolling a huge fireball
for the lot of us, my character yells:
"No! BUD Lite!"
---------------------
Same adventure. We find a pleasant looking study, and greedily begin
turning it upside down for loot, not really paying attention to the
DM's description. There was a giant bear in the room, but we didn't
hear about it. Suddenly, this monster bear out of nowhere attacks us.
"Wait a minute! You didn't tell us about monsters in the room!"
"Sure I did. 'In the room is a bed, chair, bear, table..."
Later he tried it again.
"There's a chest, dragon, flagon..." That was as far as he got.
----------------------
Same adventure. About 4 (real time) hours later, the DM, getting tired,
was asked if the thief hears anything behind the closed door.
"It sounds like an empty hallway."
Geyhawk Ruins is a FUN module!
jasonp
SnowDog
][ "They wouldn't know subtlety if it painted itself purple and jumped up
][ and down in front of them singing 'Subtlety is here again'..." -IS
Stolen, almost verbatim, from Black Adder, one of the funniest things
to ever hit a TV set.
--
This is an inconspicuous signature.
bro...@mala.bc.ca
"oh great, she's from hell. You didn't give her your adress did you?"
Situation; PC Red Slaad (Gurps) bouncing through a forest, Scared senseless.
Her
Master Wakes up in the tree he's in, and contacts her mentally...
Master: "...SLAADI! Get a hold of yourself!"
Red Slaad stops in her tracks, and the player quickly wraps her arms around her
self. "Now what, Bossman?"
*Shrug* Ya probly had to be there...
Elaine =;)
Jerone Mitchell
> Ok, I just remembered some that had us rolling.
>
> Our GM for a modernish fighting game loves to come up with "intimidating"
> opponents for our team of fighters. Sometimes this works, but if we are
> in particularily foul moods we rip them apart.
OK. As her GM for this "modernish fighting game" (STREET
FIGHTER, DAMMIT, STREET FIGHTER), I feel obliged to respond...
>
> We had just gotten out of a fight where another team that we normally
> beat quite easily on a regular basis had stomped on us due to a phenomal
> rolling day for the GM. We were trying to recuperate when there was a
Maybe it had something to do with the fact that y'all got cocky.
Maybe they had better strategy than y'all had.
Maybe the Rocky soundtrack playing in the background distracted you.
> knock on the door and when we open the door there was a 6'3" guy that
He is VADER! 6'5", 450 lbs! He's THE MAN THAT FEELS NO PAIN!!!!!
> completely filled the doorway and his little manager that wanted to
> arrange a fight with us. The GM was talking in a gravelly voice and
> trying to be intimidating. At this point, the leader of the group got
> sick of the guy and said "Have you ever considered weight loss?"
>
> this cracked us up for several minutes as the guy charged across the room
> only to be stopped by his little manager, which cracked us up more, and
> got up in the leaders face and issued a formal challenge.
>
> Our fearless leader simply responded "Would you like some spearamint?"
>
> It took the GM several minutes to get us off the floor..:)
YOU KNOW FEAR!!! YOU KNOW OF THE LUCK OF THAT DRAGON PUNCH! YOU
WILL COME TO DACE THAT DEMON! THAT DEMON OF HELPLESSNESS! THAT DEMON OF
HOPELESSNESS! THAT DEMON OF FEAR!! COME AND FACE YOUR DEMONS!!! FACE
VADER, AND BE DESTROYED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
> Heather
>
> "It's not that chocolates are a substitute for love. Love is a substitute
> for chocolate. Let's face it, chocolate is much more reliable than any man."
>
>
>
**************************************************************************
This message has been from J.A.Mitchell...
It is not meant to reflect the views of the Computer Science Dept.
of Tulane Univ., The Office of Residence Life at Tulane University, the
Mitchell family, the Smith family, Shawntell R. Watson, the Watson
family, any of my friends, my role-playing group, bums in the French
Quarter, Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton, George Clinton, O->, the X-men
or Tupac Shakur. Thank you.
**************************************************************************
Jonas Steverud
over 180 kg (how mush thats in lbs i don't know but thinks it about 400).
We entered a bar/resaturant becourse the human PC needed to eat.
We joked about how much the chair sqeesed under the weight of my robot.
the waiter came in and ask if I wanted something and I answeard
"no thanks, I'm on diet."
[lot's of laughter]
+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Who? Me?: Jonas Steverud | If All is One, |
| EMail...: d4j...@dtek.chalmers.se | is then One All? |
| Stev...@cd.chalmers.se | |
+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Mika-Petri Lauronen
: In a cyber-punk campaign, we needed some information about a street gang.
: We had managed to capture one of the members. I wanted the information, but
: I knew that my intimidation skill wasn't too good.
: Me: Tell me what I want to know or I'll shoot you in the leg.
: Him: Kiss my a**.
: <<BANG!!>>
: Him: ARRGH!! I've been shot!!
: Me: I know, I'm the one who shot you... Now tell me what I want to know or
: I'll shoot you in the other leg...
My character (a Tom of Finland man in a Cyberspace game) was gaught by two
gangsters and was being transported to their headquarters by car. He then
managed to steal the gun of his guardian and shot him. Turning to the
driver, he says: "Now man, we go where I say."
The driver answers: "Make me. Look at the speed meter: the speed's about
100 MPH!"
My character promptly shoots at the meter, saying: "What meter? Now, do as
I say."
The driver, slightly nervous, says: "Well, we are going quite fast. You
can't shoot me."
My character shatters his right kneecap with well-placed shot, saying:
"Can't I? Now do as I say, or I shoot your other leg."
Unfortunately the driver couldn't make it and crashed into a building.
But it was funny, though (I survived).
--
******************************************************************************
* I look upon the judgement of right and wrong as the serpentine dance of a *
*dragon, and the rise and fall of beliefs as but traces left by four seasons.*
* - Siddharta Gautama Buddha - *
******************************************************************************
Mika-Petri Lauronen
One of the villain's friends ran out from the back door - directly towards
a car in which one of our characters sat on guard. The PC asked:
"Stop! This is police! What's going on?"
The guy: "You don't look like a cop to me."
The PC lifts up a Thompson smg, saying:
"Now what did you say?"
The guy: "Umm... Well, mr. constable..."
The players really cracked up on this.
Mika-Petri Lauronen
CYBERPUNK: One of the PC's was a huge man with full-body implanted armor.
(You should have seen his handgun - bigger than most bazookas.) We were
raiding a warehouse (and having a little fight, I might add), when suddenly
we heard the police helicopters. This cyborg points at the combat map:
"I go out right here."
The GM: "There's no door there."
The PC: "I know. But I still go out there."
MEGATRAVELLER: The guys were secret agents on a mission to kidnap a famous
scientist. Unfortunately the guy was working in a mine inside an asteroid.
There were one heavily armed guardian per five persons working at the mine,
and all kind of weaponry was forbidden. The guys were stopped by guardians
during they arrival, and I said as the GM:
"The guardians want to check on you."
One of the players: "Really? I stick my laser in my ass."
I was a little bit pissed off, so I said:
"OK. After two weeks in hospital they charge you, and you get a death
sentence. Make a new character."
We had to stop the session for several minutes.
Jo Walton
summoned an Earth Elemental at noon each day. We were in an underground
complex, and found a godstone. We thought it would be useful for sending a
captive to justice through - but the mage had a critical failure in using it,
and *summoned* another mage from the place he was trying to send the captive
to. The other mage was understandably somewhat surprised at being summoned - "I
don't know, I was just on my way to lunch -" The other characters all turned to
the cursed character and said as one "Lunch?". Cracked us up...
--
Jo
*********************************************************
- - I kissed a kif at Kefk - -
*********************************************************
nancy sauer
Ok, here is the situation:
Once in our Star Trek campaign there was a time when two characters
got ambushed in the street, near an aircar. (Characters were run by
Dan and Mark.)
Dan: I dive for cover.
Mark: I dive into the aircar, start it up, and fly to where the
sniper is located.
Vicki (the gamemistress): What is you Vehicle Operation skill?
Mark: Ahh, I don't have any.
Vicki: If you don't have the skill you can't fly it.
Mark: But I have Warp Dive Technology!
With the exception of Mark, the entire group collapsed into hysterics.
"But I have Warp Drive Technology" has since become one of the group
catch-phrases, used to denote an inspired but misapplied use of a
skill.
Nancy M. Sauer <*> "Then you will come to think of things in
Disciple of Bread Do: a wide sense and, taking the dough as the
The Way of the Way, you will see the Way is dough.
Flour Warrior In the dough there is virtue, and no evil."
Jason Stratos Papadopoulos
<3ibeb4$9...@crcnis3.unl.edu>
nancy sauer (nsa...@unlinfo.unl.edu) wrote:
: Ok, here is the situation:
: Once in our Star Trek campaign there was a time when two characters
: got ambushed in the street, near an aircar. (Characters were run by
: Dan and Mark.)
: Dan: I dive for cover.
: Mark: I dive into the aircar, start it up, and fly to where the
: sniper is located.
: Vicki (the gamemistress): What is you Vehicle Operation skill?
: Mark: Ahh, I don't have any.
: Vicki: If you don't have the skill you can't fly it.
: Mark: But I have Warp Dive Technology!
: With the exception of Mark, the entire group collapsed into hysterics.
: "But I have Warp Drive Technology" has since become one of the group
: catch-phrases, used to denote an inspired but misapplied use of a
: skill.
Keep these coming!! I've collected almost all of them and sent other
requests to rec.games.white-wolf and .rpg.dnd (though responses from
these sources are scarce. When I have enough I'll post THE NET
BOOK OF RPG ONE-LINERS (maybe I should include a hige list of famous
last words, but that was probably copyrighted).
Anyway, DON'T STOP! I regret that I won't be able to give proper credit
to the senders (space considerations), so I hope you don't mind.
jasonp
Purple Kitty
Game: GURPS Supers
Setting: Modern, with two characters: Bloodbath (aside from super ST and
Clinging, just a normal 500-point Special Forces guy) and Vindicator (a
high-powered psi, with Telepathy, enough Psychokinesis to lift a car or
vaporize a rifle in one second, but no common sense to go with it).
Vindicator has enough Levitation to fly at Mach 1.1, but he's also
Acrophobic! NOT a problem with low-level flight, but...
Adventure: The city is going insane from TV broadcasts. Vinny and
Bloodbath are at the top of a 7-story building, discussing how to find
the source of the TV broadcasts. Vindicator's solution?
"I activate Levitation and fly about half a mile up to look for antennae."
Me: "Okay...um, when you're about 1000 feet up, you start looking around.
Oh, make your fright check."
"Oh yeah...I, um, rolled a 16." [A near critical failure!]
Me: "Fortunately, the bodies in the street cushion your fall...you only
take 16 dice of damage." [3 dice can kill a mortal]
---
Same team (yup, he survived), slightly different adventure. They had been
captured and were wearing Super-Stopping Manacles (TM). So they only had
about 10% of their normal powers, and were being driven down a hall in a
golf cart.
BB: "We need a distraction!"
V: "I think I can still TK the locks on my manacles. Can I?"
Me: "Roll against TK at -5, and it'll cost you 5 fatigue."
V: [rolls] "I...got a 17. Critical failure."
Me: "Okay, Vindicator passes out and falls out of the cart. He hits the floor
and rolls for a dozen yards."
BB: "Perfect! That's JUST the diversion we needed!"
I'm not sure if he was sarcastic or serious...
--
Meow!
Scott Nickell
In an AD&D game many years ago, we discovered a hole in a corridor leading
down to the next level. The rest of the party climbed down to take a quick
look around, while my character stood over the hole to hold the rope the rest
of them would climb back up on when they had determined whether it was safe.
Unfortunately, they were attacked by Nasty Things rather soon, and never got
back. As they continued wandering for their lives down there, my character was
all but forgotten.
Periodically through the rest of the session, I would interject for no reason,
"I continue holding the rope."
This, of course, culminated in my creating a character a month or so later
named "Whole D'Roap." :-)
Ok, maybe you had to be there.....
Otto Ilmari Kopra
Our party were earning their pay as adouble agents on an enemy country,
which, I maight add, hated unlicensed magicians (we had one those) and
abhorred priests (we had one of those too). We had agreed on delivering
an important diplomatic message in behalf of this enemy country. Needless
to say, we had other plans for this message.
Just before leaving for our appointed journey, in walks this shady
character who pretends to give us our last briefing, asking some
questions in the while. Not too soon we realise this is some psionists,
casting a standard spell that forces a truthful answer to a simple
yes/no -type of question. Since guards are nearby, we are forced to
under-the-table counterspells, and luck with resistance rolls. Still,
the psionists gets some good ones in, and interrogates our priest, asking
if we were to go directly to our destination, etc. Mollified by the
said priests fast talking, he finally goes for the break asking:
The Psionic: "Now, is it really sure you are not going to betray us?"
Our Priest: "Yes! We are not going to betray you!"
(hint: consider a no -answer on similar vein)
Both the psionic and GM were too mollified to try anything else for awhile.
- OttoK
--
Otto I. Kopra # "Do What Keepeth Thou from Wilting
o...@jyu.fi # Shall Be the Loophole in The Law"
Aaron F Johnson
> Periodically through the rest of the session, I would interject for no reason,
> "I continue holding the rope."
One particular Champions module at Texas A&M several years ago
took the intrepid group of South Central Texas superheroes out into the
Gulf of Mexico in search of a secret underwater base. One of the heroes
that came along was a martial artist-type named LoneStar (a Texas Ranger
and state hero). LS had absolutely no Life Support, and only the bare
minimum swimming movement, and no Flight to use underwater. All of the
other heroes dove off the rowboat that the Coast Guard had lent them and
engaged the underwater foes guarding the installation, leaving LoneStar
to guard the boat and wonder if anybody might attack him. Everytime that
it would roll around to his turn (quite often, he was a Speed 6
character), LS's player would say (in his best Hollywood Texas accent):
"I sit in mah dinghy and hold mah action."
Since then, whenever a character can do nothing but wait for the
situation to change, this phrase often comes up.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Aaron F. Johnson |"Do not meddle in the affairs of
aka Draco Draconis Eboni | Dragons, for you are chewy
aka Ebony the Black Dragon | and taste good dipped in
afj...@jove.acs.unt.edu | chocolate."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I'm a Black Dragon trapped in a White Man's Body! YARK!!!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nobody WANTS my opinions!
moo...@shrsys.hslc.org
ONe time in a Marvel Super Heroes campaign we had a new gamer
playing a shapechanger. She was carrying the team brick, a 650+ pound
slab of muscle and fur called Yeti, when she was hit by the 150 M.P.H.
winds of a weather controller.
She said " I fly into the winds "
Dm said " How can you do that "
She said " I got "Super Techno-Adjustable Wings"
We lost it.
Ever since then, whenever you want to do something outright
impossible you just say " Sure I can, cause I got " Super Techno-
Adjustable Wings"
Mike M.
bon...@ibm.net
>
>With the exception of Mark, the entire group collapsed into hysterics.
>"But I have Warp Drive Technology" has since become one of the group
>catch-phrases, used to denote an inspired but misapplied use of a
>skill.
One along the same line.
We have a member, Mark, who absolutely loves to play theives. I remember
one time we were trying to create a diversion for some reason or another and
Mark looks at the GM and says, "James, I'm going to act like I am picking his
pocket."
Since that time anytime someone didn't have the right skill to accomplish
something we would "act" like we were doing it...and send the entire group into
fits. Acting has become the most powerful skill in the game. :->
"I am going to act like I am shooting those 9 bad guys coming through
the door."
"I am going to act like I am repairing the Hyperdrive Engine."
"I am going to act like I am seducing her."
etc.
tom
Mark Spears
running. I had this giant monster chasing the party. (Sorry, I forget
which one; just assume it's mean, nasty, and wants to kill them all.)
Me: "You hear heavy thudding footsteps behind you."
The players (having had experiences with this kind of monster before):
"We start running".
At this point, when the monster realizes it can't catch up with them on
foot (it's big but slow), it levitates itself and follows them.
Me: "The footsteps stop."
The players (whose characters are getting exhausted): "We stop running."
The monster then descends and lands on one of the characters, who is
crushed into a fine red jelly. The characters start running again.
Me: "You hear the footsteps behind you again."
The players: "We keep running."
Me: "The footsteps stop again."
The players look at each other, then at me, and say "We keep running!"
--
Marcus Spears Phone: (903) 886-5419
Data Processing Services Fax: (903) 886-5415
East Texas State University E-Mail: MSP...@ETSUADMN.ETSU.EDU
Commerce, Texas 75429 or: MSP...@ORION.ETSU.EDU
Chris Burdett
This one cracked the entire party up, 'though it could have been a
little terminal...
My Cthulhu investigators were crammed into a cabin on the Orient
Express, armed with garlic, shotguns and sharpened bits of wooden
furniture.
Being a kind keeper I had decided that the compartment counted as
a 'home' of sorts, and the vampire who was hunting them (for those
who hadn't guessed...) had to make do with floating along outside
their window holding an unconscious comrade, making threats and
generally scorning their pitiful mortal existance. At which point
came from a rather shaky character the fateful.
"Come here and say that"
It did.
11265-Graham Wills
>gwi...@graceland.att.com (11265-Graham Wills) writes:
>>Dwarf and friends fight orcs on bridge. Dwarf falls off. Dwarf tries to swim.
>>Friends try to help. Dwarf disappears under water.
>>Current pulls dwarf through dragon's cave. Dragon fishes dwarf out and lays
>>him in the middle of his treasure. All this unknwown to player. I say
>>"You awake on a bed of gold."
>>Dwarf says "I make a perception roll to see if I'm dead"
>Thats made me laugh hard. Too fucking hilarious.
Well, to continue the story, the dragon was a dark drake (all sorts of
elemental ickiness at his command) who was dying and needed someone, preferably
another drake, but a dwarf would do, to sing his death.
As a payment for doing this the dragon fixed up his left hand to be composed of
shadow (immune to crits, can dematerialise) and gave him a shadow beast that
he could summon.
Eventually the dwarf gets back to the rest of the part (days later and they're
back at town), riding on the shadow beast and waving his hand at them.
Their response:
"I thought he was dead" "Is he dead?"
"I make a perception roll to see if he's dead"
They never were entirely sure or not. Until he was flame-grilled by a demon
much much later. No one needed a perception roll then.
--
Graham Wills Data Visualization / Software Research (11265)
gwi...@research.att.com AT&T Bell Laboratories, Indian Hill, Naperville IL
Brian Gilmore
Okay, here's another one: The party has just fought a hellish
battle against a whole passle of Drow. We're about eigth level on average,
and have all been really torqued. There's no clerical magic obove level two
spells, and my character, a Kensai (modified for 2nd ed), is down to about
half of his hit points after refusing any healing.
So my character has taken some time early in the morning to practice
a bit, and being the most arrogant sword-saint on his world and several
others, he is off by himself. After all, what could possibly harm the
greatest swordsman time has ever seen?
So, about an hour into practise, GM asks for a perception roll, and
I make it, noticing that a large reptilian head is watching me, resting atop
a nearby boulder. The dragon's head rears up when it sees that it has been
noticed at last and it lets loose a thunderous mocking laugh, expecting the
puny human to run in fear.
Unfortunatly, the dragon (and the GM) forgot that Kensai are immune
to fear. The conversation went a little like this (And yes, I do play the
character this arrogant and long winded. It's quite a bit of fun):
Kuno (my character): Ah, great worm, you have no doubt come to observe my
swordsmanship. As the greatest swordsman in the world, I am flattered.
Dragon: No, human. I come to deliver a message from my master.
Kuno: Ah, that is well. Deliver your message. I promise not to slay you
until you have finished it. Hmm, on second thought, this is such a good day
I do not think I will slay you at all. You may deliver your message and
then leave in peace, knowing you have been spared by my hand.
Dragon: Heh. You are arrogant for a mortal.
Kuno: HAH! I AM ARROGANT FOR A MINOR GOD!!! (group busts up) Deliver your
message, or I may revoke my earlier kindness.
Surprisingly enough, Kuno survived the experience. Showing that
Dragons can have a sense of humor.
Of course, this is the same group that produced the quote
"The minotaurs release the rabbits!"
"AAHH!!! I fireball the bunnies!"
But that's another story.
--
>>>>bri...@ocf.berkeley.edu-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-ude.yelekreb.fco@gnairb<<<<
Brian Gilmore: World Domination and Evil Studies undergraduate at random-
U.C. Berkeley, California |My views are my own; they'll have|
The God of Death each and every Wensday! |Have to kill me to get them! =) |
"VCRs, like children and small animals, can sense the inherent evil
in one's soul" - Me, explaining one of life's mysteries
Alice Holt
One of my favourite Star Wars characters was an 'Armchair Historian',
however I took this rather literaly. He was disabled and rode around
in a Davros style repulsorlift chair, muttering about how 'It was
never like this in the old days, you kids have it easy!'
We had the misfortune of having a Jawa as ship's engineer, scavenging
was in his blood. He used to steal parts from the ship's drainage and
life support system to repair the weapons systems!
Anyway, we were in the middle of an infiltration mission in an
Imperial base, when the Jawa decides he needs some parts from my
chair to fix up a landspeeder. The smelly little oik jumps on the
back of my chair and opens the access panell.
AH : "Oy, get off you little wretch, what do you think your'e doing.
Jawa : "Ouche, heheday, juba-repulsorcar, degoobar! Chair has many
backup systems. Work fine, just take this - MWAAAaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!
A blue spark bursts from the inspection hatch and the chair leaps into
the air and careers off down the coridoor. None of the controlls
respond.
The scene cuts to a hanger nearby. A huge black figure with breathing
problems is inspecting the troops. Suddenly an old man in a flying chair
carreers into the hanger, a Jawa clinging on the back by one hand, with
a large piece of repulsorlift controll system in the other, both
screaming at the tops of their voices. Stormtroopers scatter out of the
way as the chair whiscks round the room and shoots off down a side ramp,
the sounds of screaming echoing into the distance.
The imposing black figure turns an armoured head to his aide. He raises
a black armoured hand and flexes his fingers.
"HSSsssSHhhhhh... NOW THAT'S SOMETHING YOU DON'T SEE EVERY DAY!"
Simon Hibbs
yfc...@castle.ed.ac.uk
William Hmph! Johnson
I was running a demo for Darkurthe Legends this past weekend at Gengis
Con is Denver. During the course of the game I had a Druine (a corrupted
elf) scout spying on the party. Unfortuniely I had the Druine
accidentaly shake the schrubbery as he was running away from the party to
report their position (a bad time for a roll of 1....).
Anyways one of the players after I told the group about the bush shaking,
hollars out:
"Follow that bush!"
Made that demo for me.:)
--
| William Wes Johsnon - Black Dragon Press/Darkurthe LEGENDS Net.Representative
|---------------------------------------------------| (and Roadie)
| It's All Fun And Games Till Someone Looses An Eye |--------------------------
| Then The Game Is Over And You've Won | No Promises, No Debts
Phil Anderson
invisibility spell that only affected the body of the recipient:
"I don't mind being stripped naked and thrown in the air if you think it
will help."
--
----------------------------------------------
Phil Anderson *** ha...@sloth.equinox.gen.nz
----------------------------------------------
"No-one is equal to anyone else!"
Tom Stevens
: Keep these coming!! I've collected almost all of them and sent other
: requests to rec.games.white-wolf and .rpg.dnd (though responses from
: these sources are scarce. When I have enough I'll post THE NET
: BOOK OF RPG ONE-LINERS (maybe I should include a hige list of famous
: last words, but that was probably copyrighted)
I could post the canocial list of famous last words, if anyone wants me
too, or i can email it.
just send email requesting either.
--
N...@thepoint.com
First master of the backwards philosophy.
Hail Eris and Praise the Huddab!
jdmar...@miavx1.acs.muohio.edu
Today at the first running of my PAranoia/Call of Cthulhu game...
One of the PC's had what he thought was a Disintegration Ray, which he told
everyone was a TEleport Ray. It WAS in fact a Teleport ray... but he didn't
know that. ANYWAY... The ray was getting overused... (It was shot back and
forth and what not , at everyone and everything, and even at the
Necronomicon... which REFLECTED IT back at the players...)
Well, when using it on Great Cthulhu himself, the I said "Well, the gun begins
to smoke and all of a sudden it melts in your hands."
To which he replied "Not in my mouth?"
I wa on the floor.
--Cheese
**************************************************************************
* Joshua "Cheese" Marquart / Creator of the DC HEROES RPG Mailing List *
* Jazz on TF MUSH / Writer of a great "D&D isn't Satanic" essay *
* "Remember Kids, only The Tick has his finger on the throbbing pulse *
* of crime! And always eat your veggies." -The Tick *
**************************************************************************