Most Twisted Magical Items?

[M. Shelton]

Not necessarily the most powerful magical item, or the item which has the
best chance of killing the average PC, but devices which are the ones that
make you go "ewwwww" simply because of the way it does what it is supposed
to do.

A typical twisted magical item would be the Girdle of Masculinity &
Femininity. The Rug of Smothering is also twisted but are both a bit bland
in the twistedness. The Ring of Spell Turning ('t-u-r-n-i-n-g. turning') is
a bit more twisted, as is the Cursed Backbiter Javelin.

How about those really original, cruel, diabolically twisted magical items?
Things that you wouldn't even wish on an enemy NPC?

Matthew Shelton, a.k.a. Xeno, | The line between sanity and
a.k.a. Marcus Daggersmith | madness
| was drawn
E-Mail: mlsheltn [AT] cc.memphis.edu | by a
| kender with
Homepage: www.people.memphis.edu/~mlsheltn | wanderlust.

"Why is the word "abbreviation" so long?

[towo...@concentric.net]

M. Shelton <mlsh...@cc.memphis.edu> might have said:
>How about those really original, cruel, diabolically twisted magical items?
>Things that you wouldn't even wish on an enemy NPC?

Two-handed sword of healing. Great for munchkin parties, especially when
theydon't know it's doing the healing...
--
Jason
http://www.cris.com/~towonder/
Sailor Moon V at http://www.cris.com/~towonder/fanfic.shtml

[S. Wilson]

> >How about those really original, cruel, diabolically twisted magical items?
> >Things that you wouldn't even wish on an enemy NPC?
>
> Two-handed sword of healing. Great for munchkin parties, especially when
> theydon't know it's doing the healing...

Woundhealer, the Sword of Love, and the final doom of Shieldbreaker, the
Sword of Force. [sigh] I only wish Doomgiver had seen more exposure before
its annihilation--the Sword of Justice had a lot of potential, IMHO.

Hemlock

[Rob Taylor]

In article <6nb7b3$e...@oolong.memphis.edu>, "M. Shelton"
<mlsh...@cc.memphis.edu> writes

>Not necessarily the most powerful magical item, or the item which has the
>best chance of killing the average PC, but devices which are the ones that
>make you go "ewwwww" simply because of the way it does what it is supposed
>to do.
>

A DM who has long since departed to another hemisphere came up with an
amusing one. It wasn't really twisted, even a bit tame, perhaps. But for
our party, fairly new to roleplaying at the time, it was a nightmare.

It was only a wand of magic missiles, but every time it was used it
summoned 2d4 Bullywugs. The Bullywugs appeared, not in plain sight, but
"just around a corner". As we were all about 3rd or 4th lvl at the time
it began to take its toll on us.

It took us forever to catch on. We just assumed the entire area was
overrun with the things.

--
Rob Taylor

[Thomas Schrupp]

M. Shelton (mlsh...@cc.memphis.edu) wrote:
: Not necessarily the most powerful magical item, or the item which has the

: best chance of killing the average PC, but devices which are the ones that
: make you go "ewwwww" simply because of the way it does what it is supposed
: to do.

: A typical twisted magical item would be the Girdle of Masculinity &

: Femininity. The Rug of Smothering is also twisted but are both a bit bland
: in the twistedness. The Ring of Spell Turning ('t-u-r-n-i-n-g. turning') is
: a bit more twisted, as is the Cursed Backbiter Javelin.

: How about those really original, cruel, diabolically twisted magical items?

: Things that you wouldn't even wish on an enemy NPC?

A character of mine once found a spyclass of true seeing. I only used
it twice, though. Seems that there was SOME chance each time you use
it that this bad thing would happen. This bad thing (which happened the
second time I used it) was that this corkscrew would spin out of the
eyepiece and pluck your eye out. My character went by the name 'Patch'
after that.

--

Thomas Schrupp
Graduate Research Assistant
MSU/NSF ERC for CFS

[Silvanis9]

The most annoying magic item for a mage is a ring of beauracratic
wizardry...every time a the tries to cast a spell, a stack of papers appears
before the mage, and he must fill them out in triplicate before the spell goes
off, things like, the reason you want to cast the spell, who you are casting it
at, etc.
It takes one round, per spell level.

~Silvanis Ferrion, Elemental Druid of Mielikki, attendant to the Great Druid

[towo...@concentric.net]

S. Wilson <sswi...@u.washington.edu> might have said:
>Woundhealer, the Sword of Love, and the final doom of Shieldbreaker, the
>Sword of Force. [sigh] I only wish Doomgiver had seen more exposure before
>its annihilation--the Sword of Justice had a lot of potential, IMHO.

Believe it or not, I actually did the sword schtick before I had read
Saberhagen's BOS. Was amused to see it in the books, actually.

[Jonathan]

Oh, magical items are SO fun!
Once I gave a PC dwarf the axe and suit of armor he had always
wanted...but they turned every metalic item on his person to become
lead...that'll help your weapon speed!!
Or a psionic weapon which could use telekinesis...it had such a big ego
that it would get rid of all the characters other items.

-Shizen

M. Shelton wrote in message <6nb7b3$e...@oolong.memphis.edu>...

>Not necessarily the most powerful magical item, or the item which has the
>best chance of killing the average PC, but devices which are the ones that
>make you go "ewwwww" simply because of the way it does what it is supposed
>to do.
>
>A typical twisted magical item would be the Girdle of Masculinity &
>Femininity. The Rug of Smothering is also twisted but are both a bit bland
>in the twistedness. The Ring of Spell Turning ('t-u-r-n-i-n-g. turning') is
>a bit more twisted, as is the Cursed Backbiter Javelin.
>
>How about those really original, cruel, diabolically twisted magical items?
>Things that you wouldn't even wish on an enemy NPC?
>
>
>
>

[Bishop187]

Ring of Kender Attracting.
Bishop (not your average AOheLLer) (and proud of it)

~~Racism is being blind and thinking you can see...~~

[Deborah L. Sanyk]

Bishop187 wrote in message
<199807020443...@ladder01.news.aol.com>...

>Ring of Kender Attracting.
>Bishop (not your average AOheLLer) (and proud of it)
>
>~~Racism is being blind and thinking you can see...~~

Can I vote for this message for "most unintentionally ironic" of the year?
Read the subject line, then the body, and then the .sig!

----guppy

[Bishop187]

>From: "Deborah L. Sanyk" <dsa...@bright.net>

>Bishop187 (hey, that's me!) wrote in message

(little kid voice)
I don't get it.
(/little kid voice)

I probably don't want it. I don't even know what a kender IS. All I know is
from hearsay and the fact that one of the players in my campaign asked if I
"allow those damn kender things." I just know that they're (correct me if I'm
wrong, please) small, annoying, silly, kleptos. Besides, AD&D links behavior so
closely to race, my .sig doesn't apply. (Or were you talking about the AOheLler
piece of it?)

[Gnl bremen]

Hoe can someone go through life without knowing what a Kender is? Life would be
so bland.

One tip: read the Chronicles! Its worth it!

[Thomas Schrupp]

Gnl bremen (gnlb...@aol.com) wrote:
: Hoe can someone go through life without knowing what a Kender is? Life would be
: so bland.

: One tip: read the Chronicles! Its worth it!

I wish I could forget what they are, and that they exist (in a game, that is).

[Raz]

okay, there's twisted, then there's this:

Bishop187 wrote:

> Ring of Kender Attracting.
> Bishop (not your average AOheLLer) (and proud of it)
>
> ~~Racism is being blind and thinking you can see...~~

that is just sick.

[KillFile/Denjor]

I can think of one thats worse.
Ring of Kender Creation ;) (cursed of course, so it won't come off,
automatically goes off every few hours)

KillFile

[e...@inreach.com]

In article <359C8797...@ssvec.org>, KillFile/Denjor <den...@ssvec.org> wrote:
>I can think of one thats worse.
>Ring of Kender Creation ;) (cursed of course, so it won't come off,
>automatically goes off every few hours)
>
>KillFile
>

OK I've been away from the game for a while, so what is a Kender anyway??
Could some one post the stats and description of this monster?

[Gnl bremen]

A Kender is a Kleptomaniac small humanoid that is widely considered the most
annoying creature in the Multiverse.

[Ubiquitous]

In article <6nb7b3$e...@oolong.memphis.edu>, mlsh...@cc.memphis.edu (M. Shelton) says:

>Not necessarily the most powerful magical item, or the item which
>has the best chance of killing the average PC, but devices which
>are the ones that make you go "ewwwww" simply because of the way
>it does what it is supposed to do.

One item that popped up a bit too much in my campaigns was
the X of healing, where X is a weapon of some sort.

The user swings at the target as hard as he can. If the target
fails a saving throw, he gets healed (fully).

==============================================================================
"Gay people, well, gay people are EVIL, evil right down to their
cold black hearts which pump not blood like yours or mine, but
rather a thick, vomitous oil that oozes through their rotten
veins and clots in their pea-sized brains which becomes the
cause of their nazi-esque patterns of violent behavior. Do
you understand?"

[M. Shelton]

Hither in the forum known as rec.games.frp.dnd, KillFile/Denjor
<den...@ssvec.org> spake thus:

>I can think of one thats worse.
>Ring of Kender Creation ;) (cursed of course, so it won't come off,
>automatically goes off every few hours)

Worse? Here's worst: Ring of Kender Transformation

The wearer *becomes* a Kender, gaining all the little Kender tendencies
like kleptomania, wanderlust, emotionality, and the general appearance of a
Kender but still retains some of his former character traits and remembers
what he used to be like. I imagine the discovery will be somewhat like the
"AAAHHHHH!" scene of McAulay Culkin in "Home Alone".

>8-)

[Thomas Schrupp]

e...@inreach.com wrote:
: In article <359C8797...@ssvec.org>, KillFile/Denjor <den...@ssvec.org> wrote:
: >I can think of one thats worse.

: >Ring of Kender Creation ;) (cursed of course, so it won't come off,
: >automatically goes off every few hours)

: >
: >KillFile

: >
: OK I've been away from the game for a while, so what is a Kender anyway??
: Could some one post the stats and description of this monster?

^^^^^^^

I love that! This cracks me up.
(Note, I'm not refering to your ignorance, but rather your innocent
and strangely accurate description)

[Joseph Michael Bay]

e...@inreach.com writes:

>OK I've been away from the game for a while, so what is a Kender anyway??
>Could some one post the stats and description of this monster?

"Cute" versions of hobbits (er, "public domain halflings") who combine the
negative qualities of gremlins, monkeys, children, and Saturday morning
cartoons, with no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

--
Joe Bay I have got zeppelins,
Department of Alternative Forensics aeroplanes,
Stanford University Medical School and apparatus.
I could tell you things that would turn your brain to jelly.

[Tommy the Terrorist]

Necklace of Slow Strangulation Epidarius made this item
specially because he likes to watch his victims suffer; with this
he could tune in on his crystal ball every day to watch what hare-
brained scheme his victim had come up with. As with a normal
necklace of strangulation, it eventually strangles the user and
can only be removed by limited wish or wish, but instead of taking
a round it takes 30 days to tighten enough to reduce the victim to
invalid status, and another 1d6 days to kill him.

Raxalf's Wondrous Hearing Aid This magic item increases all
detect noise rolls by 50%, and allows a non-thief a 50% chance to
hear the same subtle kinds of noises. It can also counteract most
forms of partial deafness (caused by loud noise, for instance),
such as that caused by many magical attacks. However, if the
character is wearing the hearing aid while such an attack is made,
it vastly amplifies the noise causing permanent deafness, curable
only by casting a damage-curing spell in the next round, or
casting cure deafness or more powerful magic later. In
extraordinary cases (shout into the wearer's ear) extraordinary
effects may occur (like the wearer's head exploding) at DM's
option.

Wellitall's See No Law/Hear No Law This item is for everybody
who ever really hated to take orders from a bunch of scuzzy
lizard-men with plans to take over the world, or some such similar
problem. Basically, it's a set of goggles and earmuffs with the
property that they produce magical silence in the area of the
wearer's ears whenever any command is spoken, and magical darkness
over his eyes whenever he attempts to read a written command, law,
or official proclamation including some sort of order (2" radius
each). The item censors anything that the wearer would regard as
a "command", even if it is phrased as a statement or as a
question, but does not censor any statement which the wearer would
regard as a statement of fact or intent, or anything he would
regard as a real question. Thus "You will line up in the town
square and march..." gets censored, but not "We will kill you
unless you line up...". Similarly, "Why don't you sit down and
shut up!" could be censored with one intonation, yet pass through
when intoned differently. Note that enchantment/charm spells are
not actually blocked by this item, though their effects could be
interfered with. Thus the wearer could be charmed, and feel
compelled to protect the caster, but couldn't be given direct
orders by him. Note that while suggestion is often blocked from
functioning, some wordings may not be. (e.g. "That pool [of acid]
over there looks like a nice refreshing place for a swim!")
Finally, this item has substantial security: To remove it, the
wearer must spend a full round speaking a pass-poem to authorize
the item to release. Otherwise nothing short of a limited wish can
get it off.

Ring of silence This little magic ring is as simple as it is
cursed. Once put on, it continually emits silence, 15' radius
centered on the ring. Remove curse will remove the ring, but
first you have to figure out a way to get the verbal component of
that spell to work, such as vocalize, or casting dispel magic at
the ring first. Some of these rings aren't cursed; they are
prized by some sneaky individuals.

Ring of noise This magic ring is also cursed: once put on it
emits a continual mix of howling, hammering, nails gritting on
slate, bad opera singers discovering psychedelic drugs, violins
and harpsichords being sawed in half with a dull blade... the
works. It makes it very hard for the wearer to move around
quietly, or to sleep for that matter (give 'em a Wisdom check,
with minuses). It also negates and dispels all magical silence
spells that come within 15' of the ring. Some of these rings
aren't cursed; these are kept in reserve by spell-casters who like
to get in the last word. If this ring is worn at the same time as
a ring of silence, the effects of both precisely cancel each other
out.

Ring of fingers They told the mage who came up with this one to
lay off the drugs, but actually it was a fairly successful
demonstration of the principles of perpetual motion as applied to
creation of magical items! This ring is cursed, and each day when
it is worn the wearer grows an additional finger on some part of
his body. Missing fingers are regrown first, but afterward
additional fingers grow, on randomly selected parts of the body.
These fingers can be cut off by doing the wearer's level in hit
points of damage, leaving short (unsightly) stumps and hurting
like Hell. Each and every additional finger, wherever it is, is
fully functional (considering that it's alone, that is), and is
capable of wearing an additional magic ring. There is a 1 in 20
chance that the new finger will in fact grow with a ring of
fingers already in place, thus duplicating the ring and causing
the wearer to grow two new fingers every day, with a 1 in 20
chance for each of them that they will have yet another ring of
fingers! Unless someone arrives on the scene with a remove curse,
this will exponentially explode into a huge mass of fingers and
cursed magic rings, until at last the person's entire body weight
consists of fingers. Although remove curse removes the ring, the
fingers are permanent. To remove the fingers completely from a
person, withering (the reverse of regeneration) must be cast on
any one of the fingers; this causes all to disappear instantly.

Ladder of Climbing This item is a set of four stout wooden rods
about 2 feet long. Experimentation shows that the four are
magically linked--- you can't move a rung more than 2 feet away
from its neighboring rungs. If the proper ("top") rung is placed
above the others, it becomes immovably fixed in the air, with the
others hanging flexibly beneath. To move the ladder again, the
bottom rung must be lifted above the top rung, at which point the
magical immovability is released. If weight is placed on the
rungs while they are immovably fixed, and if an end-rung is not
under weigh, it will teleport to directly above or below the
appropriate rung, giving the effect of an infinite ladder. It's a
bit confusing at first to change direction, since for instance, to
change from going up to going down, you have to keep your foot on
the bottom rung, then touch the top rung, then let go of it, in
order for a lower rung to appear, but most adventurers can figure
out these sorts of things. Note that the ladder can only lead up
and down and cannot be used for side-to-side motion. A few of
these ladders are defective: one can be used to go up, but not
down, for example, while another simply shorts out and becomes
temporarily nonmagical when used to climb more than 60 feet above
the ground. Finally, no ladder of climbing is especially sturdy:
more than about two or three erson's weight will usually break the
rungs or the force field and destroy the item, as will a heavy
impact.

Anklets of the Jet These ankle-sized bracer-like leather straps
are adorned with lapis lazuli sculpted wings, as well as stranger
streamlined shapes from the alternate prime material plane of
Mongo. When the command word is spoken, these will propel the
wearer in the direction opposite that which his feet are pointing
at an 80" movement rate for 1d6 rounds or until the command word
is spoken again. It requires a Dexterity check each round to head
in the direction desired. In order to land softly, without taking
4d6 points of impact damage and ending up in a prone position, the
wearer must either make a 2d20 dexterity check or else make a
Tumbling proficiency check at -5, unless he prefers to shut off
the jet in mid-air and use magic such as feather fall to land
safely. These anklets may be used only once per day. Some of
these anklets are cursed: these activate at a random time during
each day, and operate for 1d6 rounds. The wearer cannot control
the direction they travel in (roll randomly for
north,south,east,west,up,down). If they aim directly at the
ground the wearer takes 8d6 points of damage upon impact, which is
halved by the dexterity or tumbling check mentioned above; if they
terminate at ground level the check may be made to see whether 4d6
points are taken; and if they terminate in the air a normal fall
will follow. The cursed anklets can only be removed with the
remove curse spell or by cutting them with a +2 or better magic
weapon, although dispel magic can be used to nullify the jet
during the round it begins to avoid all damage that day.

Amulet of Resurrection There are at least two types of these,
both of which act to restore a dead wearer to life and full hit
points with no constitution losses. The first type must be worn
continuously for at least a week before the moment of death in
order to attune it to the lifeforce of the wearer. At the moment
he is slain (-10 hit points), he is instantly restored to full hit
points and is ready to keep fighting! The amulet shatters and
disintegrates immediately afterward. The second type may be
worn by a living character, or may be placed around the neck of a
dead body (subject to restrictions of the resurrection spell), and
will restore the subject to full hit points --- so long as he
continues to wear the amulet. If the amulet is removed for any
reason, he immediately returns to the (dead!) condition he was in
before the resurrection took effect. This amulet may be used any
number of times on any number of people, but can only affect a
single person at any given time. If a person who has been slain
and is being kept alive by the amulet is slain a second time, some
other magic must be used to return him to life; if the amulet is
removed from the twice-slain corpse, the corpse cracks, withers,
and disintegrates into blowing dust and is lost to all further
means of recovery short of a wish.

Amulet of Stoneskin This amulet, when worn, melts and spreads
across the entire skin surface of the wearer, forming an invisible
layer of magic all around him. The magical runes of the amulet
remain as indelible marks on the wearer's chest. The effect of
this item is to cast a stoneskin spell upon the wearer. There is
no obvious indication that this effect occurs. The diffused
amulet can only be removed by destroying it with a rod of
cancellation, Mordenkainen's disjunction, or a properly worded
wish. The presence of this dweomer on the wearer's skin is
apparent to detect magic and detect charm, and true seeing will
show the presence of the amulet. Note that the detect charm
effect will prevent detection of any other charms placed on that
person. This amulet may have any number of charges, each
corresponding to one casting of the stoneskin spell; when they are
all consumed, the marks on the wearer's chest disappear.

Rubber Duck of Bathing Fun This peculiar little magic item is
composed of some sort of funny, colored tree sap product with a
strange consistency unknown to the adventurers of Middle Earth.
When compressed between the hands it makes an odd squeaking noise,
though sages have never been able to understand any effect of
this. But a powerful enchantment has definitely been cast on this
item, because when it is tossed into any body of liquid the area
of liquid within 30 yards of the duck becomes safe, even fun, to
swim and bathe in! This even includes liquids like acid and
molten metal. The duck also protects from drowning in stormy
seas. When bathers depart the liquid, they are wet, but not with
the actual liquid they just bathed in, but rather with a soapy,
clean-smelling, bubbly solution; they always end up squeaky-clean
when they leave. If the duck is removed from the body of liquid,
all swimmers immediately suffer the normal effects of the liquid
they are swimming in.

Coral Snake Necklace This magical necklace of silver and gold,
when worn, metamorphoses into a coral snake (red, black, yellow)
with neither head nor tail, that endlessly circles the wearer's
neck in a slow crawl. It doesn't actually do anything, and is
really only a rather odd piece of jewelry made up by a fashionable
mage. The only way to remove the necklace without destroying it is
to cast item on it and take it off during the duration of that
spell; it remains inanimate after this, until worn again. (The
item spell works in an atypical manner on this magic item due to
the interference of the necklace's own dweomer.) Paranoid
adventurers will have no difficulty removing the necklace by
cutting it with a blade or ripping the snake apart, but this
destroys this rather valuable aesthetic creation.

Chain Mail of Scoring This cursed chain mail is really nasty.
It acts as +1 chain mail that fits perfectly---at first. During
the second round after it is donned, it gets too snug to easily
remove. During the third, it gets downright uncomfortable. During
the fourth and all subsequent rounds, it does 1d4 points of damage
per round, contracting further and further. The wearer may
attempt a bend bars/lift gates roll on the second round if he is
insistent on removing it at the first signs of snugness; otherwise
magic is necessary to save him from being scored like a Christmas
ham. Dispel magic prevents damage from being done during its
duration but does not allow removal of the armor; Remove curse
allows the armor to be taken off; healing spells are actually a
bad idea---they cause the skin to rejoin above the contracting
links, and double the damage healed must be inflicted to remove
the armor afterwards. The armor may also be removed by
successfully hitting AC 0 (a placed shot against the magic chain
mail) ten times with +2 or better weapons; all "to hit" rolls of
1-4 on 1d20 do the full weapon damage to the victim of the armor.

Otto's Force Elixir of Release (a.k.a. "Potion of Instant
Disaster") The force elixir is a field of neon-light-like
flickering, shimmering orange and red energy, held within what
appears to be an ordinary glass bottle (which is actually made
from rare and expensive materials and which an alchemist would
consider a bargain for 5,000 gp). Prepared by Otto for his
research into the true nature of magical enchantment, it has since
been stolen and passed back and forth by people who have no idea
what it is (but were wise enough not to open it!). If and when
the adventurers open it up, there will be the following effects
1) All wands and similar charged items will discharge effects
using as many charges as normally possible at whatever is directly
in front of them at the moment, with the full magical effects
ensuing. This is repeated for 1d4 rounds. 2) There is a 10%
chance that any potion effect in progress will become permanent
upon the imbiber, and a 10% chance that the imbiber will be the
center of an explosion doing 10d6 damage to everything within 10
feet. 3) All magical swords with intelligence will gain dominance
over their wielders for the next hour (at least). Any weapon
capable of moving itself for any reason (automatically returning
weapons, dancing weapons, etc.) will begin rapid and erratic
motions within a 100-foot radius of where the force elixir was
unleashed. 4) The command words for all magic items within 100
feet will simultaneously be spoken aloud, triggering their
effects. 5) There is a 25% chance that each spell scroll will
"read itself" with full magical effect, and a 25% chance that it
will burst into flame. 6) There is a 10% chance for all normal
magical items that they will be transformed into corresponding
cursed items, and a 10% chance that cursed items will be changed
into useful ones. This requires some amount of interpretation,
clearly. 7) All items capable of summoning some creature will do
so, but the creatures will act however they wish (uncontrolled)
when they arrive. Note that in the case of some items (elemental
control, for instance) this effect may be less of a problem than
when the creature normally gets out of control, because the
creatures summoned during the elixir's effect see all hell
breaking loose and don't seriously think that someone was trying
to control them (so they aren't mad about it). This doesn't mean
they have to be friendly, either. Items that actually transform
into creatures upon command are granted permanent life by this
effect, and are free ever after to live as they wish. ...finally,
it should be mentioned that the opener takes 1d4 points of damage
to his hand if he just pulls out the cork, from magical energy.
If someone tries to heal this damage using spells, the hand may
become seriously malformed and require extremely sophisticated
magical means to restore to normal. For obvious reasons, Otto
labeled this flask all over with warnings in several different
languages, one of which (high Elvish) is still spoken today. For
equally obvious reasons, rogues hoping to sell this "potion" for
something would have eradicated these warnings. The list of
effects here is only partial; there are almost surely a few other
items that will cry out for something special to happen to them.

Deck of Shuffles This deck of 20 blank cards is quite magical.
An object no longer or heavier than a longsword can be placed on
any of the cards, and it will immediately vanish and be replaced
by a picture of itself painted on the card. If the card is placed
face-down on a table and flipped face-up, the item will reappear.
If the entire deck of 20 cards is shuffled and cut, and a number
of cards are picked from the deck and turned face-up
simultaneously, they will all bear the same image --- and produce
the same item! As to which item this is (or whether it is just a
blank card), it is rolled randomly from among all the cards turned
face-up (which also is a random choice). If a cleric of Tymora
does the flipping, the odds are shifted to the most beneficial
effect by 5%; similarly, if a luckstone is one of the cards, the
chance that that card will be duplicated is shifted up by 5%; if a
luckstone is crushed and powdered and sprikled over the cards
while they are being shuffled, the odds are shifted toward the
beneficial by 5%; and if the person shuffling knows how to cheat
at cards the odds are shifted by 3%. All these bonuses are
cumulative.

Dust of Endless Sniffling This cursed powder comes in a little
packet; when opened and disturbed for any reason, it flies forth,
affecting anyone within 10 feet (or who comes within the area for
a very long time thereafter, or who is downwind in a confined
space such as a corridor). Anyone affected immediately comes down
with all the symptoms of influenza, and cannot be cured unless
remove curse is cast and all powder is washed from his nasal
passages during the spell's effect.

Oil of Friction The logical counterpart to oil of slipperiness
is less popular, but can be found with some effort. It has any
number of uses: allowing thieves to climb a very smooth wall as
if it were of rough texture; making knots that were somewhat
difficult to tie downright impossible to untie; negating the
normal effects of oil of slipperiness, etc. Practical jokers need
not be disappointed: One drop down the barrel of an arquebus
guarantees an explosion! Finally, the cogniscienti apply specific
patterns of oil of slipperiness and oil of friction to certain
regions of their bodies in order to enhance their aesthetic
appreciation of romantic affairs.

Book of Yawns This book radiates magic for no other reason than
that it is one of the most incredibly boring things ever written
--- so boring, in fact, that nobody ever has been or ever will be
able to finish reading it. It has no other special properties (or
at least none that anyone knows of... maybe you have to read the
whole thing for the benefit!). This makes a suitable reward for
those special battles that take three gaming sessions to resolve
because the players didn't see the way around them.

Wand of Whacking When waved at a target, this wand telescopes
outward up to 30 feet, and with a successful hit (as a +2 weapon)
delivers a solid <whack!> doing 1d6 points of subdual damage and
stunning the target for 1d4 rounds. These wands have no more than
25 charges.

Potion of Bubble Bath This potion, when poured into a body of
water, causes up to a 200' x 200' x 20' region to become frothy
and bubbly with 10' high bubble 'islands' on top. This effect
lasts for 4 turns. Water breathers must save vs spell with a +2
bonus each round, or lose all actions that round to fits of
choking & wheezing. If an air-breather sips from the potion, he
suffers choking and wheezing for the next 4 turns, with no actions
possible, and lots of bubbles. The DM can decide what to do to
someone who drinks the whole potion!

Potion of Hairiness A single sip of this potion is the
equivalent of a hairy cantrip. Multiple sips have cumulative
effect. Hair growth is distributed according to the natural
growth for the imbibing organism. Typically 25 to 100 doses are
found at a time. The potion may also be administered locally for
a direct effect on one part of the body.

Duplicitous Dice Each time these dice are thrown, they will
show a "random" result. But the NEXT dice the thrower tosses
(even if they are the duplicitious dice) will show the same
result! Thus a gambler could retreat to a corner for a moment,
shake the duplicitous dice alternately with normal dice (to
"clear" the bad results) and then return confident of a good
throw. The duplicitous dice typically have around 50 charges (the
exact number is ALWAYS random!). Completely discharged
duplicitous dice still appear magical (with detect magic) because
if crushed and sprinkled on a person they grant a 5% chance that
the die roll will be the same as a number they call out, for the
next 1d4 days. Some duplicitous dice are cursed: The first time
the character rolls the dice, a random result (or sometimes a
fixed result with some special significance in a popular game) is
determined. EVERY time that character rolls any dice, ever
afterward, the same result will be rolled. This curse may only be
lifted by a limited wish, wish, or by bringing the cursed
duplicitous dice to a wild mage, having him cast Nahal's reckless
dweomer upon them (in this special case, there is no wild surge---
it is absorbed by the dice instead, which are a "vacuum" of
randomicity) and then rerolling the dice to release the curse.
Within an hour the dice revert to their original cursed nature.
Cursed dice also have around 50 charges, and only one charge is
expended per person cursed, no matter how many times he rolls the
dice. If crushed and sprinkled on a person, that person must save
vs. magic or become subject to the curse --- which can only be
lifted by a wild mage if some trace of the dust is recovered.

Horn of Bubbles This instrument resembles a tuba. When blown,
it produces a large bubble (about 8 cubic feet or 2x2x2) This
bubble is of animal intelligence, 1 hp, flies at 12" speed, is
understandably frightened by many things (like touching almost
anything, though it is a bit sturdier than an average soap
bubble), and generally treats the blower of the horn as its
master, or perhaps its mother is more accurate. The horn has 7
charges. Afterward, it is still a valuable musical instrument
worth at least 100 gold pieces.

Everlasting Gobstopper This item is still a favorite with kids.
It has no nutritive value, but is still worth up to 200 gp to a
noble with kids.

Cursed Leash This appears like a normal leash for a dog, about
6 feet long (although it can be used by any creature against any
creature, human and dog are assumed here for simplicity. The
leash can shrink or expand to fit many creatures) When actually
placed on a dog, however, the following inversion occurs: The
loop of the leash suddenly ends up on the human's neck, while the
dog ends up with the small end of the leash looped around its paw
(and cannot release it). The maximum force with which the human
and the dog could pull on the leash is determined --- and then the
two are reversed! So if the human could pull with 100 lb force,
and the dog could pull with 10 lb force, now the human can only
pull with 10 lb force (when he is "actually" pulling with 100 lb
force), while the dog, pulling with only 10 lb force (from its
perspective) now actually pulls with 100 lb force. Note that
since the human's force is reduced, he would actually have to
exert 1000 lbs force in order to oppose the dog's 10 lb pull.
Furthermore, both creatures bound by the leash are endowed with a
freedom of action that causes all grappling type attacks, or
efforts to snare them, as well as magic that impedes movement such
as web or slow, to fail. Finally, the hit points of the two
creatures become linked, so that neither can be killed until all
hit points of both are exhausted, at which point both perish!
(both feel the pain of any attack, and understand that there is a
link) This curse can usually be lifted by casting remove curse on
the DOG. Casting it on the human has no effect. A clever
character may notice that this item can be used to beneficial
effect.

Snake Oil A single drop of this oil will render any non-
monstrous snake completely silent for a full day. This works on
polymorphed creatures disguised as snakes only while they are in
snake form. There are 100 drops per container.

Rotten Egg Forgotten too long during an enchantment, this
fantastically rotten egg produces a stinking cloud as per the
spell when thrown or otherwise broken!

Poison-sucking Leech This works as per Laurel Ann's Leech
spell, and is found in stasis in a crystal container. When
released, the leech must be used within one turn. After sucking a
dose of poison it perishes. If it does NOT suck poison for any
reason (for instance, the poison was an illusion) it keeps
attacking! See the spell for details...

Klein Bottle This Art Object also functions as a dimensional
mine as per the DMG. It's worth 1000 gp as art.

Water Gems These naturally occuring gems radiate a slight
magic. They are dodecahedral, and typically circulated at around
an inch across. (Smaller gems a few eighths of an inch across are
of only practical value, while large gems a few inches across are
fabulously expensive and rare) They are extremely slippery: as
they are made of water, they cannot be held by friction alone.
Price equivalents: 1/8 inch = 5 sp, 1/4 inch = 3 gp, 1/2 inch =
25 gp, 1 inch = 250 gp, 2 inch = 5000 gp, 3 inch = 20000 gp. The
larger sizes of gem fluctuate wildly in price depending on the
market, as they are a commodity for speculation. The smaller gem
sizes are fairly stable in value: they are used as frictionless
bearings or heavy-duty "springs" in machinery. They are rare, but
so are machines. Water gems can only be destroyed by heat or
magic. If subjected to immense force they can be temporarily
deformed, but always spring back to their original shape. If
heated above boiling, the gem will absorb sufficient heat to boil
all of the water, then explode into a cloud of steam. This causes
1d6 points of injury per inch radius to everyone within 5 feet.
If subjected to spells such as destroy water, water to dust,
dispel magic, lower water, mordenkainen's disjunction, part water,
purify food & drink, or temporal reinstatement, the water gem is
destroyed. If phase door or airy water is cast, objects can be
placed into or removed from the gem. All items left inside the
gem are held in stasis indefinitely. Even living creatures can be
held inside a water gem, and naturally occurring water gems
sometimes contain small freshwater creatures. The contents of a
water gem are released when it is destroyed without injury unless
it is boiled, in which case they suffer double damage from steam.

Magic Toboggan These ever-popular items are simply objects of
various sizes and shapes which have had a permanent version of the
spell grease cast upon them. Even on horizontal, flat surfaces
one can bring them to high speed. Of course, many are designed
more with the idea of carrying heavy burdens than of recreation.
Some of these "industrial" versions have wheels available but
folded out of the way, in case it becomes necessary to move
uphill.

[Tommy the Terrorist]

[continued...]

Melbor's Magical Can of Shaving Cream This fun little item
produces a cubic yard per round of white foam (it IS magical!) If
a non-magical cap on the can is removed, the white foam can be
shot in a stream up to 40 feet away! [this is +4 to hit because
you can move the stream while you're shooting] It has little use
in combat, except maybe to make the floor a little slippery, and
if the foam drips down over the eyeslits in an iron helmet it
could cause a moment's hesitation to wipe it away. [Dex check +5,
-1 initiative] Sense shifting cast on this item can cause the
foam to be a different color. If the can is punctured, it will
release 1,000,000 cubic yards (100x100x100) of shaving cream in a
single round! This magic shaving cream is not especially
breathable, but won't kill a person. Treat as per drowning, but
someone "drowning" in this shaving cream will simply be reduced to
unconsciousness, where they will remain alive due to the air mixed
with the cream. The magic shaving cream produced by this item
remains intact for a full hour, but then vanishes instantly,
without residue.

Lathander's Trumpet of Awakening This magical instrument is
marked with a rosy disk engraved with the holy symbol of
Lathander. When used as an ordinary instrument, it is not perfect
it seems too shrill, too loud. [-2 to proficiency checks] When,
however, a player begins "Reveille", its magic takes effect.
After the first few notes all creatures within 120 feet come
instantly awake. If the player makes a successful dexterity
check, OR is a bard or is proficient with trumpet, he can continue
playing for up to a full round to accomplish the following further
effects: (the player must choose one set of actions to pursue) End
of the same round --- those not wishing to don armor may be on
their feet with weapons ready and can attack in the same round
on which the trumpet was played. Normal initiative, next round
--- those who need to don simple armor have completed doing so
and can attack this round. Normal initiative, round after next ---
players donning complex garments, even plate mail, complete
doing so and are ready to attack at the end of this round.
Players are impeccably groomed at this point --- even a person
wearing the most ornate dress uniform will be ready to pass
inspection this round. Note that these later benefits ONLY
occur if the check is made, and the player continues playing
without disruption (as per disrupting a spell), until the moment
they are complete. If the playing is disrupted, the person is
left at the point he would have been at if he had been on his feet
at the beginning, but without magically enhanced speed in
dressing. Thus a character could be left half-way into his plate
mail! The character MUST designate what he intends to do at the
moment the trumpet is blown, after but a moment of wakefulness.
The horn may be used magically only once per day. It regains its
power at the crack of dawn.

Floppy disk This precious magical item is round, about five-
and-a-quarter inches across, and has a curious "floppy"
consistency. It has a hole in the middle so that the mage can
rotate it around his finger (or, more comfortably, a revolving
spindle). A mage can copy writings, whether physically or by
spell, onto the disk. It holds about as much as one spell book,
and weighs virtually nothing. To read the disk takes a little
practice: the mage must carefully align his head with the proper
place on the disk, in order to find the right place in the text
stored on it. The text then changes as the disk is rotated.
The disk makes saving throws as paper, with one exception: It is
erased if the caster is struck by any electrical spell effect.
Erased disks may still be used to store new information. All
normal spells cast on books work on floppy disks as well.

Pimple Cream This little bottle full of white stuff is evil.
When rubbed onto any patch of skin, it raises big red pimples that
will resist any and all efforts to pop them for at least 3 days!
The pimples become visible after 2 rounds. They will occur on any
skin, even fingers or the palms of hands. The DM may choose to
assign small negatives to strength, dexterity, charisma, etc. for
lots of painful swollen non-bursting pimples in strange places.

Helm of Reservation This frightening item has been used to
great benefit by those who sail the stars. When worn, it adheres
firmly to the wearer's skull for a full round, whilst the wearer
feels tentacles of magic sucking the lifeforce out of his skull.
A blood-red gem in the helm begins to pulse with magic. What
happens is that all but the first level of lifeforce are drained
from the wearer --- temporarily! --- and are stored within the
helm. For all purposes, he is once more a 1st level character.
The helm may be removed, with difficulty, by prying and pulling
for a full round, until the lifeforce is transferred back. The
intended purpose of this necromantic device is to preserve a
mage's powers while he operates a spelljamming ship. Once he
leaves the spelljammer helm, he can remove the helmet, and only
the random 1st level spell or two left to him after he was drained
will be left to power the ship. If the helmet is destroyed
while the character's lifeforce is inside... that's up for the DM
to decide!

Cube of Retention This adamantine and glassteel cube is
empowered with the barrier of retention priest spell (ToM).
Normally it affects a 30' cube centered on the item. Living
creatures cannot leave this space (unless they die), and inanimate
objects cannot leave unless the cube is moved away from them; if
thrown at the barrier, they are retained. Such an item is
commonly found as a trap, whether lying on a table in plain sight
or buried within the solid rock floor of a dungeon. The magic, of
course, is centered only upon the glassteel, since adamantine is
resistant to magic, but the glassteel is insinuated into the
adamantine with infinite intricacy in the pattern known as a
Meller sponge. To imagine this, picture one face of a cube.
Divide it into 9 little squares and cut out the center square.
Repeat on the other 8 squares, and their subsquares, ad infinitum,
and on all sides. Thus the glassteel is protected with an
infinitely large surface of adamantine with infinitely small
volume. Nothing short of the most unimaginable power (a universal
solvent, perhaps) can destroy all of the glassteel, and the magic.
The cube can, however, be temporarily neutralized with dispel
magic. The cubes may also be endowed with a command word, so that
a person holding the cube can negate its power for a period of
time (1 turn).

[Tommy the Terrorist]

Alright, I found these lying around in my archives...

[note: some of these mention some things from TSR products
but are not presented or approved as a TSR product.]
Anti-copyright (A) 1993 Tommy the Terrorist.
This text is public domain.

Periapt of Lying Whenever the bearer of this gem opens his mouth
to speak, what comes out is not the truth he may have intended to
say, but the most plausible lie. (In play, the player is told he
has to lie every time he speaks. The "plausible" feature is that
he can say something to the DM, and the DM might say "Naw, they
won't fall for that one..." and the player gets to keep thinking
up lies till one of them is believable (or in the extreme case
that none of them works, either people give up or some arbitrary
limit (the player's level in lying attempts for example) is
reached), and that's what the character actually says) This
item is pseudo-cursed: if you just toss it away, it teleports
back to somewhere in your possessions; but if you give it to
somebody (or plant it on them covertly) it goes to them. Like
many teleporting items, this item has a "sixth sense" and
teleports away just before spells like remove curse and dispel
magic can reach them, or before it can be smashed, burned, etc.
It comes back right afterwards. A limited wish can temporarily
negate this ability; if remove curse or dispel magic is then cast
it can be left somewhere not in possession of a person, in which
case after the item becomes functional again it teleports to the
nearest person. The item can also be destroyed at that time. If
the bearer of the item dies, it teleports to the nearest person.

Cursed Ring of Blinking This wonderful little ring is the result
of a magic-user who had a ring of blinking and wished that its
magic would go on continuously without needing to recharge. Well,
this ring gives the effect of a blink spell continuously, day and
night... and it's quite cursed. Since the ring can teleport (with
its bearer attached) out of the way of most spells, to remove it a
dispel magic must be cast including all possible blink
destinations, then the inactivated ring must quickly be hit with a
remove curse spell (of course, the character may not know that it
will teleport away if just remove curse is cast, so many spells
can be wasted in trying) Any attempt to determine the nature of
the ring reveals that it is a ring of blinking: sages may even be
able to identify the original manufacturer (who made it as a
normal, non-cursed ring). According to my best calculations,
random blinking should move a person (4/pi) to the power of the
log2 of the total number of blinks, times 10 feet (the base
distance) if no other motion takes place (such as when trying to
sleep). Campfires at night are not recommended... nor is mountain
climbing... or sailing... the impossibilities are endless! If all
destinations in a horizontal plane at 10 feet distance are
blocked, the ring sends a person to the Ethereal plane, but they
are the focus of a vortex and cannot escape to the rest of the
plane unless truly exceptional means are used. After 1d20 hours
the person will return to his origin, or the nearest unoccupied
space. The ring functions on the Ethereal plane, but it actually
applies a continuous rocket-like thrust in random directions that
pulls around the wearer by the arm, and cannot overcome vortex and
storm effects.

Raxalf's Wondrous Sewing Kit This little box full of 200 sewing
needles, when opened, forms the image of a tailor from the
swirling needles. He asks the opener what garment he would like,
whether he'd like a copy of an existing magical garment or a new
one, and whether he'd like to cast spells on the garment to give
it magical power. Thus the user can either
1) duplicate a magical garment in every way, with exactly the same
effects 2) create a new garment which can have various person-
affecting spells cast on it to extend their effect Either way
the garment lasts for 24 hours, with a 1% chance that the garment
remains permanently after the duration ends. If a new garment is
created and no magical spells are cast on it, it is from 2% to
100% likely to remain depending on the quality and expense of the
material from which it is made. The sewing kit can only produce
or duplicate garments made from individual fibers woven together:
it cannot create solid leather, wood, or metal components,
although it can produce fibers of the same type. Thus the kit
could not produce a sandal but it could produce mithril cloth. If
attempting to duplicate a magical garment with extra, solid
components, the garment will function however the original would
function if those parts were removed from it. The person-
affecting spells cast on the garment include any spell which can
be cast on another person besides the caster, which has longer
than an instantaneous duration, and the effect of which would not
damage the garment. For example, fly, feather fall, charm person.
Arbitration is necessary to determine exactly which spells can
work for this purpose. Usually these kits produce only one
garment before the magic is consumed and the needles vanish.

Raxalf's Cursed Packet of Needles This little box full of 200
sewing needles was supposed to make all kinds of wonderful
garments with magical powers. Unfortunately, something went
direly wrong in the making and a demon incorporated itself into
the dweomer. Raxalf wasn't crazy enough to open the box himself
after this happened, but maybe some dumb adventurers who find the
box will be. The effects will probably all be visited upon the
opener, although if two people are present at the opening they may
split up. Eyes sewn shut: Character blinded, mithril wire can't
be cut except with magical weapons and carefully! Eardrums
punctured: Only a cure deafness spell or more powerful magic can
reverse this. Mouth sewn shut: More mithril wire, making speech
impossible. Evil bad-luck symbols tattooed all over face: Try an
erase spell, or hack the skin off and do a cure light wounds (or
don't). Until then, -2 penalty to hit and to saving throws
Needles in muscles and joints: The victim takes 2-5 hit points of
damage every round that he tries to move, and it hurts like Hell.
These can only be removed by locating each one individually,
cutting/prying it out, and somehow immobilizing or destroying it
so it doesn't go back in again, or into someone else, since the
needle is still animated, and vicious! Anus, Genitals: Need I say
more? Be careful with magic! Damage: The character suffers only
2d6 points of damage from all these indignities, which can't be
healed until the stiches and needles are removed. It should be
noted that spells like remove curse and dispel magic can only help
with this item if they are cast on the box before it is opened;
afterwards, the mutilations are finished. More powerful magics
may help to fix the damage more conveniently.

Arrow of teleportation This wonderful arrow is possessed of a
power to teleport. When fired from a bow, it immediately
disappears and teleports in a straight line to the target,
reappearing an arrow's length away. The teleportation slightly
corrects the archer's errors, giving the arrow a +1 to hit; the
arrow also does not suffer penalties for wind, and can pass
through transparent barriers such as wall of force since it
doesn't occupy the intervening space. If the shot is a miss, the
arrow teleports back into the archer's quiver before it hits a
solid object (and therefore is not destroyed). If the shot hits,
the arrow will attempt to pull itself free from the target, doing
+1 damage. Unless the arrow did maximum damage on the roll, in
which case it is too deeply buried to pull free, the arrow can
usually be back in the quiver by the end of the round after the
round in which it hit its target. This arrow generally has a
tendency for self-preservation, and teleports away before hitting
hard objects, spell effects, etc. that would destroy it, appearing
in the archer's quiver a moment afterward. If subject to a saving
throw while in the quiver, the arrow teleports and arrives on the
person of the nearest person not making a saving throw at that
moment, whoever they may be.

Arrow of teleportation, cursed This is like a normal arrow of
teleportation, except that instead of appearing in front of the
target, it appears just behind the archer's back (getting a +2 to
hit for this reason). It teleports back to the quiver in exactly
the same way. If the archer tries to use any other arrow, there
is a certain chance the arrow of teleportation will teleport in
and replace the other arrow in the moment that the bowstring is
released, with the two arrows trading places. This chance is not
fixed: Basically, the cursed arrow actually decides in a pseudo-
intelligent way what the chance should be in order to hit its
wielder as often as possible (without making the wielder give up
use of the bow). This should still be cast as a random chance
rather than a choice each time, since the arrow isn't really
intelligent and doesn't know what the most important shots the
archer makes are. Note that in any case, after hitting the arrow
does +1 damage before pulling free to teleport, and takes until
the end of the next round before appearing in the quiver (although
if the arrow is attacked it can blink out at any time to
temporarily avoid a blade or spell) Teleportation away from spell
effects is as for the normal arrow of teleportation, except that
remove curse and dispel magic are also avoided, and the arrow
teleports back to the same archer once it feels it is safe. The
only way short of limited wish or wish to solve this curse is for
the victim to find someplace where the arrow cannot safely
teleport anywhere outside of a very limited space, and arrange for
dispel magic to entirely fill that space, and then have remove
curse cast on the arrow within the short interval during which
dispel magic is cast (which is hard because the arrow will
teleport to some random location in the limited space in a
desperate attempt to avoid the dispel magic, and after being
neutralized it still has to be found!).

Gremlin bottle This enamelled and begemmed mosaiced bottle looks
like a miniature genie bottle. If opened, a puff of smoke comes
out and... well, nothing visible, since gremlins are almost always
invisible (they can become visible at will in order to torment
people more.) My gremlins have these characteristics:
They stand 2-3" high, have greenish skin, a slight pot-belly, and
really big floppy ears.
Their language sounds like people whispering jokes into each
other's ears, punctuated by high cackling giggling. They can
consume up to four humans' worth of food in a day, although they
don't have to (they only need an amount commensurate with their
size) They have miniature spell books that can hold up to four
first level spells, and they have random levels of spell ability
(1/2 chance to increase level by one, starting with zero::: 50%-
none, 25%-1st, 12.5%-2nd, 6.25%-3rd, etc.) They actually have 4d10
hit points, unless their spell ability is greater that 4th level.
They can attack to do 1 hp of damage with miniature swords, but
these swords can be poisoned (although not usually with anything
lethal).
They have a limited telepathy that allows them to
*read and understand by looking over a mage's shoulder, any spell
they can cast from his spell book (they can copy it into their own
spell books later in the normal time without him being present.
*know when someone is looking for them, and know where to hide and
what not to do then to remain unseen.
*detect traps of all kinds with 95% probability of success,
provided someone actually consciously set up the trap (naturally
dangerous or precarious objects don't count)
Gremlins' motivations are unclear, but in general they love to see
things screwed up. They love to move things around, taking
(sometimes astonishingly large) items and rearranging them so as
to confuse people and/or make them think they're stealing from
each other, but they never actually steal anything for themselves
unless it can be consumed immediately (e.g. food, potions, wine)
or it is no larger than a very light ring. They often leave the
last item they stole in place of their newly stolen item. They
love to sabotage items, switching labels on potions, cutting most
of the way through climbing rope, casting erase on spellbooks (or
just changing a few key characters and seeing if the mage notices
before his spell backfires) etc. Most gremlins move around
randomly, sometimes tormenting people, sometimes large complicated
pieces of machinery, without staying in the same place after the
first few good ideas are used up. But the gremlin from the bottle
is like a genie in the sense that he will "faithfully" serve his
summoner alone for as long as he can or some ridiculous limit like
101 days. That isn't to say that the gremlin might not get
tempted and go torment someone else in the party, but he always
makes sure to return to his true master if he possibly can. (Of
course, this wandering allows a party to escape the gremlin by
drastic means, such as plane shift).
5% of gremlin bottles actually hold 3d4 gremlins; these
bottles are indistinguishable from genie bottles (often having
been converted from that use after the genie was freed).
Generally, at any given time, one gremlin will afflict each person
in the group if possible, and doubling up of gremlins starts with
the person who opened the bottle. The big bottles are, of course,
much worse than the little bottle in all but one respect:
Gremlins in the same place argue incessantly, sometimes even
forgetting discretion, even becoming visible just to intimidate
one another! Arguments include who gets to torment who, who gets
what item, who gets to help who do what practical joke, etc. If
by some miracle they decide on a logical settlement to the problem
where everybody gets what they want, they almost immediately
change what they want and start arguing again. Nonetheless, if any
one gremlin of the group is killed, the killer will have to face
the combined homicidal wrath of all the other gremlins, who will
start using deadly poisons and other really nasty tricks they
normally don't regard as funny enough since, after all, they end
pretty quickly...

Jack Wornshaw's Troll Rations This rather unappetizing haunch
of meat is in fact what you get when you try your best to purify
troll meat to edibility and put an upper limit on how far it can
regenerate. It can keep one person fed indefinitely (though many
would sooner fall on their swords!) or feeds two people for a day
if all is consumed (in which case it is destroyed). There is a 1%
chance per day of eating the rations that the eater will begin
growing a baby troll in his stomach, which soon begins to claw its
way outward... It is difficult to attack the troll since you can't
see it, and healing spells cast on the eater have no effect on the
baby troll. Somebody had better be ingenious, or surgically
skilled at least...

Jack Wornshaw's Loaded Dice Made from the bones of a dishonest
gambler, these two ordinary-looking dice have the property that
they can be carried by a person and attuned to their personal aura
over a period of a week. Afterward, whenever rolled by anyone
(unless someone else carries them a week to re-attune them) one of
the two dice changes by one point to most benefit the person to
which they are attuned. If a snake eyes (2) is rolled on the two
dice before modifications, a shortened arquebus appears above the
dice and discharges a shot at the roller, whoever he may be, with
THACO 10, doing normal arquebus damage.

Potion of Worms, Flukes, Leeches, Spiders, Larvae, and Poisonous
Insects This bottle appears to contain a clear, magical elixir
that sparkles bluely in the light. When tasted, it "makes the
imbiber feel rested and healthy". But when actually "imbibed", the
permanent illusion variant cast on the object dissipates, and just
as the last few loathsome creatures drop into the drinker's mouth
he realizes what he has done. He is 99% likely to contract a
serious parasitic disease, and suffers 4d8 points of damage over
the next few hours (halved if a save vs. poison=vomiting is made).
Some of these "potions" are even rumored to contain rot grubs, and
worse!

Laurel Ann's Friendly Potion This (damnstrange) potion is a
(sort of) watery double-like thing that, when drunk down, slithers
into the imbiber's stomach and intestines and removes all
injurious things therein. It then slithers back up to the
imbiber's mouth and waits to be deposited back in its phial.
Unlike most potions, this one can be used an unlimited number of
times (though it has lousy saving throws...)

Gondor's Were-Coin ("the never-ending penny") These fairly
normal-looking coppers piece were minted with Gondor's face on the
front, and an emblem of a wolf's head surrounded by a wreath on
the back, with the emblem "E unum pluribus" printed beneath. On
most days this coin has a nifty power: once placed into a purse
or pocket, it won't come out again. But the attempt brings out a
copper piece exactly like the original in appearance (but sans
powers). And another, and another. With cunning a character can
produce a steady stream of copper pieces, one per round, even two
per round if they have it in a really convenient container. Each
piece must be taken out separately, by hand. Also, the were-coin
is "bashful"; if anyone could see the duplication by any means
(whether by looking through the top of the purse or using
clairvoyance or other powers), the were-coin does not produce a
duplicate, but comes out itself instead. (This allows people to
move it around conveniently, as well as preserving the privacy of
Gondor's secret magics). However, there is a deep dark secret
about this coin: on the day before the night of the full moon, the
wolf's head begins to assume an ever-more sinister and hungry
appearance, raising further and further up out of the coin. As
the light begins to fade, the coin begins to growl and wriggle
threateningly. At the instant of sunset the coin leaps forth with
liquid grace, the perfect coin-sized image of a wolf at times, but
melting and shifting, even turning back into coin-shape at times.
It can sense the locations of all copper objects at all times, and
will go to one immediately and begin to devour it, eating one
copper piece equivalent per segment. The were-coin has the
cunning of a wolf, and will try to stay hidden from all observers
when it is "hunting" for its copper. It can move at 48" per round
and has AC -2; any hit from a bludgeoning weapon forces a save
(metal vs. crushing blow) or the coin is destroyed; hits of a
natural 20 from slashing weapons also force a save. Copper weapons
cannot hurt the coin. The coin can pass through any opening of
any size, however small, "melting" and reforming on the other
side. The coin will try its best to return "home" (the place
where it began its change) before morning, but if the purse is
moved out of sight, or if the coin is trapped in an airtight
container, or if the coin has to travel for more than half of the
night to get to its first copper piece, then it will seek out the
nearest container and begin to treat that as "home". Once the sun
rises, it is a normal magical coin again, and any attack can force
a save vs. crushing blow, if desired. Enlarge and its reverse
never affect this coin. These coins tend to be found in the
massive piles of copper pieces that occur in some treasure hoards
(they can only consume an average of 7200 copper pieces in a
night, and some hoards are much bigger than this!)

Grown-Up Sword One of the cruelest things about a ring of
wishes is that it can be used by anyone, even a child. This item
is the legacy of one such time, when a child wished only that he
would grow up to be a bold fighter like his father. The sword
resembles the plain wooden "swords", more like sticks really, that
children around the age of ten use for mock tournaments in the
village commons. Its only strange feature is that crudely carved
into its "blade" are the words "Grown-Up Sword". For an adult it
is not magical; it doesn't even detect as magic when the most
powerful magical analysis spells are used. Its only apparent
peculiarity is that it cannot be broken or damaged by anything
short of a wish. Placed into the hands of a child it transforms
instantly into a wicked-looking magic sword +3. With each minute
the child holds it, he increases in strength and in age, until
after one turn he is fully grown and has a strength of 18/31. He
has the combat values of a first-level fighter specialized in use
of the longsword. At this point he feels he has gained an immense
amount of fighting experience, as well as the wisdom of an adult,
and he will never willingly give up the sword, fearing that he
will be instantly reverted to childhood if he loses it. In fact
he still has the mind of a child and acts in childish ways; he
will never increase in wisdom or intelligence because of age (or
lose penalties for being a child). He will never gain the weapon
or nonweapon proficiencies he should have had for being a first-
level fighter (aside from the longsword specialization), nor will
this or any other level granted by the sword count toward gaining
followers, using magical items successfully, etc. With each
being of human or greater intelligence slain by the sword, the
wielder gains a level of fighter experience (without
proficiencies, etc. as explained above), and is aged one-fifth of
the interval between fully grown and his maximum lifespan,
suffering penalties as appropriate for that aging, but not
receiving any bonuses. When he reaches level 3, he becomes
alcoholic and will try to stay drunk continuously, and becomes
abusive and violent towards any woman with which he has a
relationship. When he reaches level 5, the sword transforms back
into its original form, leaving a bitter old man who is now free
to realize what a fool he has been. All effects of the sword are
permanent.

Flaying Knife This short blade detects as strongly magical, but
hits and damages as a normal hunting knife. Its power is that if
a continuous undamaged patch of skin is removed from a creature
(dead or alive), the skin remains perfectly preserved for a long
time, and has all powers and defensive strength it had while
attached. Thus a dragon's hide has the full resistance to
whatever attack forms the dragon was resistant to, etc. The
precise powers present in the skin, as opposed to the rest of the
creature, are up to the DM. The knife can cut a single patch of
skin and keep it preserved indefinitely. If another patch of skin
is cut, the first patch will deteriorate after 1d20 days. Once it
happens, the deterioration is instantaneous: the skin instantly
takes on the form it would have after being treated the way it has
been treated from the beginning (so a giant frog's skin would
remain moist and supple even on dry sand in a desert for 1d20
days, then abruptly turn completely dry and mummified). If the
skin is cut from a living creature, the creature can feel
everything that happens to the preserved skin until it
deteriorates, and is aware of the direction of that skin from the
creature's own position, though not its distance. This effect is
nullified if the skin and the creature are on different planes of
existence.

Unsureiken Some unsung mage worked on this throwing star for
longer than you want to think about, to make sure that every time
it was thrown it would hit. Indeed, this is true---but nobody
knows what it's going to hit! Every time the star is thrown it
starts going toward its target, then stops partway along the way
and starts trying to make up its mind what to do (if you were
spinning that fast you'd get confused too!). After a while it
spins more and more erratically, weaving and spinning through the
general area, until finally, at the very end of the round, it
picks a target at random from within 60' of the thrower, including
the thrower as a possibility, hitting for 1d4+2 damage. Included
as targets are anything that is self-moving that is larger than it
is, (people, monsters, undead, golems, whatever) except for things
that cannot be damaged by it (it counts as a +2 magic weapon); if
it can't hurt its first target it tries again as many times as
necessary in the same round in order to hit something. After it
has hit it continues to try to move: each round it attempts to
pull free, doing 1d4+2 points of damage. If between 3 and 5
points of damage are rolled it breaks free and attacks again at
the end of the round, counting the previous victim as "thrower"
and randomly choosing a new victim. If 6 points of damage are
rolled it is stuck and will try to break free again next round.
If the unsureiken is grasped and held (excluding other actions) by
its victim, or somehow clamped into place mechanically so it can't
move, then after three rounds it will become inert and won't try
to attack anybody until someone is foolish enough to throw it
again.

Sword, reversed cursed This sword was the product of the
intellectual curiosity of a certain high mage of the valley elves,
who accidentally had created a cursed sword earlier that no one
could let go of after they picked it up. He came to wonder
whether a sword could be cursed on its other half so that it
couldn't be yanked out of the wound it made without a remove curse
being cast. Briefly put, yes. He made up two of these swords in
his spare time, one of which bears the adhesion curse on its blade
only, and one of which is cursed all over. While he never really
expected to see anybody actually use one of these swords, after
thieves raided his treasure trove (finding only the cursed
items...) he was fascinated to hear that his swords allow the
person attacking to keep doing normal damage each round (e.g.
twisting) without having to reroll to hit. Of course with the
half-cursed sword the victim could try to disarm the attacker or
make a placed shot to his arm to make him let go of the sword, but
with the all-over cursed sword this isn't an option. It should be
noted that once a creature is thoroughly dead (cannot recover by
any means short of raise dead) all adhesion-curses of this type
are released from it, allowing the wielder of the sword to recover
it and/or for the victim to escape with embedded sword. Should
a victim escape with a sword embedded in him he cannot recover the
damage in any way until the sword is removed. Presence of the
sword prevents all natural healing whatsoever for that person, and
gives a 10% chance per day of serious infection occurring in the
wound unless a healer is in constant attendance. The DM may
assess other damage as appropriate (falling, etc.) In the case
of the double-cursed sword the wielder and target are affected
separately. Thus if the wielder is slain, the target doesn't have
to drag his body around, but can't get the sword out. And if he
or anyone else is foolish enough to grab the hilt of the sword to
try to pull it out......

Book of Pastries This book is entirely blank --- well, not
quite. On close inspection there are various pleasing patterns of
light colors visible on some of the pages. If one of the pages is
wetted, it swells up immediately into a page-sized pie, turnover,
cookie, brownie, pastry, etc. Pastries are formed at the
appropriate temperature, whether hot or cold. Each page is
sufficient to feed one person for one day, on average, and is very
tasty, though not very nutritious. If the book is accidentally
dropped into water, the result is as imagined. One book contains
50 pages.

Potion of Endless Belching This potion is a poor attempt at
water breathing. It has a bubbly taste when sipped, causing a
normal burp afterward. If the entire potion is imbibed, the
drinker belches loudly and all but continuously from that moment
until a remove curse is cast. This screws up the verbal
components of spells ("Zodacare, od zodomeranu. Odo cicale (urp!)
Qaa...") as well as being a bit embarrassing. The belches are,
however, composed of normal air, and a person can survive
underwater while under this effect indefinitely, though they can
engage in strenuous activity (e.g. fighting) for no more than a
round without resting for a turn, due to lack of enough air.

Magic Hat Not all of these gizmos contain rabbits. One nasty
version leaves the conjurer holding a rabid weasel, not tame, and
spews out another critter every round thereafter. It's even
rumored that some of them are full of vorpal bunnies (too horrible
to think about!)

Knife of Bread-Cutting This practical magic item has a single,
really useful power: whenever it is used to cut a piece of bread,
the two resulting pieces are each 80% of the size of the original.
Therefore you get 1.6 times more bread than you started with, for
each time you cut the bread in half (of course, cutting halves of
halves of halves starts to get time-consuming). Separate pieces
of bread cannot be combined: a "piece" of bread must be baked
once, as one piece, to be cut larger, and uncooked dough can't be
cut larger either.

Universal Holy Symbol This item is actually useful once you
know what it is. It takes on the shape of the holy symbol of
whatever priest (or paladin or ranger, if they can cast clerical
spells) is nearest at the moment. It appears to be an especially
large, important holy symbol with a subtle glow of power.
However, it isn't really a holy symbol and cannot be made into one
with any amount of ceremony; no spells, undead-turnings, etc. will
work with it. Its use is, of course, in the hands of a non-
priest, who can use it to find out what god a priest really
worships, and with cleverness can even deduce who is a priest.
Various spells to avoid or confuse detection work against this
item. Nondetection will block detection of the affected person,
causing the next-nearest priest's holy symbol to appear instead.
Unknowable alignment will block function of this item as for non-
detection if either component of a person's alignment is made
certain by the god they worship. Misdirection causes the symbol
to take on the form of the holy symbol of the god most hostile to
the affected priest's real god.

[The Bazzalisk]

How about the Orc of Dragon kind?

Holding him alows you to control dragons!

or the philosipher's scone.

ring of three washes.

staff of the maggies (ie. maggy simpson!)
The Bazzalisk /
<//>
'I see it clearly!, it all makes sense!
Frisbies, Plan 9 From Outer Space, Hollywood,
The FBI, The assasination of Ghandi,
The Suicide of H. Dumpty!
It is all clear now!'

[M. Shelton]

A twisted m. item I thought of just now:

Ring of the Socialist (tentative name)

When examined magically or otherwise, this ring appears to be a Ring of
Charming. However, when worn during combat it compels the wearer to throw
objects at his foe in lieu of his usual combat action. Items are always
thrown in this order: items held in hand, items carried in pockets, bags,
backpacks, etc., the bags and pockets themselves, clothing and worn
articles, then objects lying around not on the wearer's person.

The owner does not have conscious control of which item he will remove or
ready next; one will be randomly chosen. In all cases, non-weapons will be
thrown first, then non-missile weapons, then missile weapons (e.g.,
spellbook 1st, sword 2nd, dart 3rd).

Being magical does not exempt an item from being thrown, unless that item
is Cursed. The wearer will never throw the Ring; the Ring has to be removed
by a Remove Curse spell.

Apologies if this item has already been invented.

[Peter Sayer]

The Bazzalisk <TheBaz...@platypus.clara.co.uk> wrote in article
<35a006fe...@news.clara.net>...

> How about the Orc of Dragon kind?
>
> Holding him alows you to control dragons!
>

ROFL

> or the philosipher's scone.
>

ROFL splitting sides

> ring of three washes.
>

ROFL splitting sides and coughing up purple goo...

> staff of the maggies (ie. maggy simpson!)

That reminds me of
"So, cant tell your fighters from your clerics?
think mage is a character from neighbours?"
in a section on some CRPG in a computer game mag.

[Dominic Nguyen]

Rob Taylor wrote:
>
> How about these...
>
> Wand of Wander - Every use causes you to amble off aimlessly for a
> while.
>
> Tome of Misunderstanding - aka the foreign phrase book.

"I will not buy this record, it is scratched."
"Will you please fondle my buttocks?"
(sorry, Monty Python reference there, couldn't resist :)

> Robe of Useless Items - whatever you pull out of it turns into something
> totally pointless and unhelpful (like a rubber chicken).

Been done, actually. It's in the Encyclopaedia Magica, and gives things
like Jo Sticks (who uses those things anyway?) 1" of rope, blasters with
no batteries, and treasure maps with directions like "Over here, next to
that tree and a bit to the left."

How about:

Wand of Furballs? (probably been done, but worth a mention)

Wand of Defenestration (points for those who know what this word means
without looking in a dictionary, and more points to those who can spot
what wand this is supposed to be punning! :)

Hammer, Doorman Thrower (guess!)

Lyre of Billing (broken string! 5 gold pieces!)

Boots of Snide Stinging (this is what you call walking? What are you, a
eunuch?)

Bracers of Diffidence

Deck of Allusions

Deck of many Things (It's clobberin' time!)

Brassiere of Elemental Summoning (makes me afraid of the Brassiere of
Drowning...)

Alright, I think I've violated the laws of good taste for long enough
now. :)

--
"Eh! PROtagonist. ANtagonist. What's the difference?"
-Gebhard Blucher

[Aristotle@Threshold]

In article <35A16B...@ix.netcom.com>, ngu...@ix.netcom.com wrote:
>Been done, actually. It's in the Encyclopaedia Magica, and gives things
>like Jo Sticks (who uses those things anyway?) 1" of rope, blasters with
>no batteries, and treasure maps with directions like "Over here, next to
>that tree and a bit to the left."

BAHAHAHAHAHA Thanks for posting that. That treasure map is hilarious. I'm
definitely putting a map like that in my next adventure!

-Aristotle@Threshold

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
VISIT THRESHOLD ONLINE! High Fantasy Role Playing Game!
Player run clans, guilds, businesses, legal system, nobility, missile
combat, detailed religions, rich, detailed roleplaying environment.

http://www.threshold.counseltech.com
telnet://threshold.counseltech.com:23
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

[Aristotle@Threshold]

In article <35A18709...@hotmail.com>, Screaming Koala <sp...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>Hang on, just thought of something else worth mentioning. There was this suit
>of plate mail that attracted metal (only slightly though, it still was good
> armour) and it magically transformed to fit the wearer. The ranger didn't want it,
>the druid didn't want it, the dwarf >had better armour. So we gave it to the
>cat. Yep, the druids cat. Fit like a glove. Later we got another magic item,
>a ring that, when worn on the same hand as a weapon is
>held, would fuse the weapon to the hand. We shaved the cat's tail, slipped the
>ring on and held a switch blade on the end. Viola! Battle cat was born!

It sounds like whoever was in charge of refreshments in your gaming group
should have focused on more nutritional things that wouldnt drive you all nuts
=)

*grin*

-Aristotle@Threshold

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
VISIT THRESHOLD ONLINE! High Fantasy Role Playing Game!
Player run clans, guilds, businesses, legal system, nobility, missile
combat, detailed religions, rich, detailed roleplaying environment.

http://www.threshold-rpg.com
telnet://threshold-rpg.com:23
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

[Rob Taylor]

In article <35a006fe...@news.clara.net>, The Bazzalisk <TheBazzalis
k...@platypus.clara.co.uk> writes

>How about the Orc of Dragon kind?
>
>Holding him alows you to control dragons!
>

>or the philosipher's scone.
>

>ring of three washes.

>
>staff of the maggies (ie. maggy simpson!)

How about these...

Wand of Wander - Every use causes you to amble off aimlessly for a
while.

Tome of Misunderstanding - aka the foreign phrase book.

Robe of Useless Items - whatever you pull out of it turns into something

totally pointless and unhelpful (like a rubber chicken).

Flask of Curses - doesn't do anything when opened but after will always
let out a loud expletive at inappropriate moments, in the owners own
voice.

Nolzur's Marvelous Pygmies - they may be cannibals.....

--
Rob Taylor

"Those who follow the crowd are quickly lost in it." - Anon.

[Bishop187]

Hammer +5, Dwarven Thrower.

In this case, thrower modifies dwarf, not hammer...

[Screaming Koala]

M. Shelton wrote:

> Not necessarily the most powerful magical item, or the item which has the
> best chance of killing the average PC, but devices which are the ones that
> make you go "ewwwww" simply because of the way it does what it is supposed
> to do.
>

> A typical twisted magical item would be the Girdle of Masculinity &
> Femininity. The Rug of Smothering is also twisted but are both a bit bland
> in the twistedness. The Ring of Spell Turning ('t-u-r-n-i-n-g. turning') is
> a bit more twisted, as is the Cursed Backbiter Javelin.
>
> How about those really original, cruel, diabolically twisted magical items?
> Things that you wouldn't even wish on an enemy NPC?
>

The funkiest magic item our party ever stumbled across was the bag of beans (d%
version). 60hp earth elemental paladin......those who have seen the list will know

what I mean!

[Screaming Koala]

Silvanis9 wrote:

> The most annoying magic item for a mage is a ring of beauracratic
> wizardry...every time a the tries to cast a spell, a stack of papers appears
> before the mage, and he must fill them out in triplicate before the spell goes
> off, things like, the reason you want to cast the spell, who you are casting it
> at, etc.
> It takes one round, per spell level.
>
> ~Silvanis Ferrion, Elemental Druid of Mielikki, attendant to the Great Druid

I heard of poor bugger that got one of these....he also had a cursed staff of the
magi.
The staff was normal, but it could levitate and could cast one cantrip spell per
round. The curse was that the mage had to do everything by magic (including moving,
writing, speaking etc.) So he slipped on the wing and later cast a spell. The
papers appear and he has to fill them out. But because of the staff, he has to cast
a spell to write in them.....I'm
sure you can see where this is leading

[Screaming Koala]

M. Shelton wrote:

> Not necessarily the most powerful magical item, or the item which has the
> best chance of killing the average PC, but devices which are the ones that
> make you go "ewwwww" simply because of the way it does what it is supposed
> to do.
>
> A typical twisted magical item would be the Girdle of Masculinity &
> Femininity. The Rug of Smothering is also twisted but are both a bit bland
> in the twistedness. The Ring of Spell Turning ('t-u-r-n-i-n-g. turning') is
> a bit more twisted, as is the Cursed Backbiter Javelin.
>

Hang on, just thought of something else worth mentioning. There was this suit of

plate mail that attracted metal (only slightly though, it still was good armour)
and it magically
transformed to fit the wearer. The ranger didn't want it, the druid didn't want
it, the dwarf
had better armour. So we gave it to the cat. Yep, the druids cat. Fit like a
glove. Later
we got another magic item, a ring that, when worn on the same hand as a weapon is
held, would fuse the weapon to the hand. We shaved the cat's tail, slipped the
ring on
and held a switch blade on the end. Viola! Battle cat was born!

The cat was indesribibly deadly, it even had it's own character sheet and xp
total. It took down an ogre by itself! I will never forget that campaign, and for
more than one reason!

[The Viper]

In article <35A16B...@ix.netcom.com>, ngu...@ix.netcom.com says...

>
> Wand of Defenestration (points for those who know what this word means
> without looking in a dictionary, and more points to those who can spot
> what wand this is supposed to be punning! :)

Defenestrate : To throw out a window.

First encountered in The Elenium, when Sparhawk threatens to defenestrate
some poor sap.

Don't get the pun, though.

The Viper

[Rich G.]

>
>Minor nit: trolls don't regenerate acid. Stomaches contain acid. Why will
>the meat regenerate in the eater's stomache?
>

I'll take a stab at this one. I'm guessing that stomach acid is pretty
weak. I'm also guessing that you could soak your hand in a quart of it
(stomach acid now, not industrial strength HCl) and just barely prune
your fingers. I could be wrong. But if it won't cause a HP of damage
maybe that's why the meat regenerates?

Just my guess
-----
Rich G. ( jere...@dodgenet.com )
http://www.dodgenet.com/~jeremy23/index.html

My web site was hacked. Want to read about it?
http://www.dodgenet.com/~jeremy23/hacked.html

[Russ Taylor]

In article <35a2335...@news.his.com>, jere...@dodgenet.com wrote:

>I'll take a stab at this one. I'm guessing that stomach acid is pretty
>weak. I'm also guessing that you could soak your hand in a quart of it
>(stomach acid now, not industrial strength HCl) and just barely prune
>your fingers. I could be wrong. But if it won't cause a HP of damage
>maybe that's why the meat regenerates?

Stomach acid is actually fairly strong as naturally occuring acids go --
the only thing that keeps it from boring a hole right out of your gut is a
nice, thick mucous layer. When that layer gets to thin, the acid begins
to digest the stomach lining, and an ulcer results.

--
Russ Taylor (rta...@cmc.net, http://www.cmc.net/~rtaylor/)
Chambers Multimedia Connection Help Desk
"Not many fishies, left in the sea.
Not many fishies, just Londo and me" -- G'Kar

[Allister Huggins]

On 7 Jul 1998, Bishop187 wrote:

> Hammer +5, Dwarven Thrower.
>
> In this case, thrower modifies dwarf, not hammer...

Been done already..see EM..

Allister H.

[Rich G.]

>Stomach acid is actually fairly strong as naturally occuring acids go --
>the only thing that keeps it from boring a hole right out of your gut is a
>nice, thick mucous layer. When that layer gets to thin, the acid begins
>to digest the stomach lining, and an ulcer results.

erm... maybe the rations are also coated in mucous? blech! That would
explain the only eating a small percentage of it. *gack*

BTW: Love the sigline (I'm a rabid Bab5 fan)

[Peter Sayer]

Dominic Nguyen <ngu...@ix.netcom.com> wrote in article
<35A16B...@ix.netcom.com>...
<snip>

> Wand of Defenestration (points for those who know what this word means
> without looking in a dictionary, and more points to those who can spot
> what wand this is supposed to be punning! :)

<snip>
A wand that destroys windows? (Bill Gates'd go spare!) based on the wand of
disintegration?

--
"Out on the bay of innsmouth/Caught in a fishermans net
She came and rescued me/And set my heart free
Though shes a hybrid from above/We fell in love
Shes a pale shade of green/Shes only got one gill"
One gilled girl by The darkest of the hillside thickets

Peter Sayer who thinks the new 40K RPG is cool

[Peter Sayer]

Screaming Koala <sp...@hotmail.com> wrote in article
<35A18445...@hotmail.com>...
>
>
<snip>

> I heard of poor bugger that got one of these....he also had a cursed
staff of the
> magi.
> The staff was normal, but it could levitate and could cast one cantrip
spell per
> round. The curse was that the mage had to do everything by magic
(including moving,
> writing, speaking etc.) So he slipped on the wing and later cast a spell.
The
> papers appear and he has to fill them out. But because of the staff, he
has to cast
> a spell to write in them.....I'm
> sure you can see where this is leading
>
>

Evil!!

So... he became unable to cast ANY spells until someone got the ring on
him...

Or did he HAVE to fill in the forms...

EVILEVILEVILEVILEVIL!!!!!

[Dominic Nguyen]

Peter Sayer wrote:
>
> Dominic Nguyen <ngu...@ix.netcom.com> wrote in article
> <35A16B...@ix.netcom.com>...
> <snip>
> > Wand of Defenestration (points for those who know what this word means
> > without looking in a dictionary, and more points to those who can spot
> > what wand this is supposed to be punning! :)
> <snip>
> A wand that destroys windows? (Bill Gates'd go spare!) based on the wand of
> disintegration?

Close! Wand of Defoliation. Point goes to me! ;)

[barbara haddad]

TheBaz...@platypus.clara.co.uk (The Bazzalisk) writes:
> How about the Orc of Dragon kind?
> Holding him alows you to control dragons!
>
> or the philosipher's scone.
>
> ring of three washes.
>
> staff of the maggies (ie. maggy simpson!)

staff of the moggies ((makes all the cats you could ever want))

rod of lardly might (you get a 19 STR, but gain 300 lbs)

cloak of the archmoggie (turns the wearer into an extra from 'Cats')

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just a thought from barbara haddad -> (bha...@LunaCity.com)
LunaCity BBS - Mountain View, CA - 650 968 8140

[Aristotle@Threshold]

In article <rtaylor-0707...@alander.cmc.net>, rta...@news.cmc.net (Russ Taylor) wrote:
>Stomach acid is actually fairly strong as naturally occuring acids go --
>the only thing that keeps it from boring a hole right out of your gut is a
>nice, thick mucous layer. When that layer gets to thin, the acid begins
>to digest the stomach lining, and an ulcer results.

I wonder if that is the same type of mucuous that an acidic slug would leave
behind? If so, that mucuous seems like it could be used for some interesting
protective purposes.

[D.G. Larush]

How about the Luck blade? No one EVER expects a SWORD to have wishes in
it. So it's that much more fun when the player inadventently says
something like "I wish we had a boat" and the vikings arrive...

David

[Robert Baldwin]

Joseph Michael Bay wrote:
>
> e...@inreach.com writes:
>
> >OK I've been away from the game for a while, so what is a Kender anyway??
> >Could some one post the stats and description of this monster?
>
> "Cute" versions of hobbits (er, "public domain halflings") who combine the
> negative qualities of gremlins, monkeys, children, and Saturday morning
> cartoons, with no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

Not true. Kender taste great BBQ'ed. <eg>

--
BB
"Everyone dies someday; the trick is doing it well."
-
Why did the chicken cross the road ?
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road.
Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive
there was.
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed
the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
-
Remove the spam.block to reply.

[Robert Baldwin]

The Viper wrote:
>
> In article <35A16B...@ix.netcom.com>, ngu...@ix.netcom.com says...
> >

> > Wand of Defenestration (points for those who know what this word means
> > without looking in a dictionary, and more points to those who can spot
> > what wand this is supposed to be punning! :)
>

> Defenestrate : To throw out a window.
>
> First encountered in The Elenium, when Sparhawk threatens to defenestrate
> some poor sap.
>
> Don't get the pun, though.
>

Wand of Deforrestation?
(I found defenestration in Clark's Tales of the White Hart. And no, (to
cross threads here) "thrown out a window" would *not* have been an
adequate substitution).

[Keith Duthie]

On 6 Jul 1998, Tommy the Terrorist wrote:

> Jack Wornshaw's Troll Rations This rather unappetizing haunch
> of meat is in fact what you get when you try your best to purify
> troll meat to edibility and put an upper limit on how far it can
> regenerate. It can keep one person fed indefinitely (though many
> would sooner fall on their swords!) or feeds two people for a day
> if all is consumed (in which case it is destroyed). There is a 1%
> chance per day of eating the rations that the eater will begin
> growing a baby troll in his stomach, which soon begins to claw its
> way outward... It is difficult to attack the troll since you can't
> see it, and healing spells cast on the eater have no effect on the
> baby troll. Somebody had better be ingenious, or surgically
> skilled at least...

Minor nit: trolls don't regenerate acid. Stomaches contain acid. Why will

the meat regenerate in the eater's stomache?

--
| Keith Duthie O- |
+ Don't call me, I'll call you. Maybe. +
| keith.altered....@stonebow.otago.ac.dc.nz |
__ _ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^
/ / (_)__ __ ____ __
/ /__/ / _ \/ // /\ \/ / . . . t h e c h o i c e o f a
/____/_/_//_/\_,_/ /_/\_\ G N U g e n e r a t i o n . . .

[Rob Taylor]

In article <oiL0Re...@LunaCity.com>, barbara haddad

> staff of the moggies ((makes all the cats you could ever want))
>

How about a Staff of the Mowgli (creates singing and dancing jungle
animals)

>rod of lardly might (you get a 19 STR, but gain 300 lbs)
>
>cloak of the archmoggie (turns the wearer into an extra from 'Cats')
>

Or even...

Saw of Mighty Cutting Remarks.

Rug of Smithering (Are you all right Mr Burns...)

Rope of Romantic Entanglement (with anyone who touches the damn thing)

Stone of Wait (always increases bureaucratic form filling and time
wasting)

Portable Howl (not to be confused with a Portable Whine aka a Kender)

--
Rob Taylor

"Now remember next time, throw the grenade away from you. You cannot stub it
out. Understand?"

[Nick Ashley]

> Brassiere of Elemental Summoning (makes me afraid of the Brassiere of
> Drowning...)

do you have to wear the brassiere or just hold it?

[Dave Harper]

On Tue, 07 Jul 1998 14:45:29 GMT, jere...@dodgenet.com (Rich G.)
wrote:

>I'll take a stab at this one. I'm guessing that stomach acid is pretty
>weak. I'm also guessing that you could soak your hand in a quart of it
>(stomach acid now, not industrial strength HCl) and just barely prune
>your fingers. I could be wrong. But if it won't cause a HP of damage
>maybe that's why the meat regenerates?

Heartburn is what happens when stomach acid gets pumped back
up into your digestive tract - and that can be painful. It's not the
strongest acid in the world, by several orders of magnitude, but
stomach acid is actually fairly strong. Don't use it to burn through
stone, but it'll turn meat into its components just fine, given a
couple hours.
Another example: take a cracker, stick it in your mouth, leave
it for a while. It'll get soggy and then start to liquefy (note: this
can be disgusting). Saliva is much weaker than stomach acid.
However...given that a troll is supposed to heal at a
hideously fast rate of 1 hp/round or some such, all bets are off.
Actually, I doubt that industrial-grade acid would stop them - 1 hp
every 60 seconds is like saying 'clone a new human body every five
minutes' (using DMG stats for normal humans) which is about 20 pounds
of meat per minute, or about one pound every 3 seconds. I don't know
about anybody else, but I can't think of any acid that would keep a
troll from regenerating without totally immersing it in a bath. So
that means that it's not the actual damage done by the acid - it's the
acid itself, which somehow stops it from regenerating. After all, ALL
the damage done to the troll doesn't have to be acid damage, right?
Just the finishing blow. That means that stomach acid should do it
just fine, although a GM would be well within his limits to say it
takes longer, and causes some serious damage to the ingester.

Dave

[Bishop187]

>From: hug...@ugsparc0.eecg.toronto.edu (Allister Huggins)

EM? Oh, Encyclopedia Magica. Of all the AD&D books that I want, I want that one
most of all. Now if I only had the $$.

[Gebhard Blucher]

Bishop187 wrote:

> EM? Oh, Encyclopedia Magica. Of all the AD&D books that I want, I want that one
> most of all. Now if I only had the $$.

I'd save your dough, and get the spell compendiums. Much more useful, I
think.

GB

[Tommy the Terrorist]

In article <rtaylor-0707...@alander.cmc.net> Russ Taylor,

rta...@news.cmc.net writes:
>Stomach acid is actually fairly strong as naturally occuring acids go --
>the only thing that keeps it from boring a hole right out of your gut is a
>nice, thick mucous layer. When that layer gets to thin, the acid begins
>to digest the stomach lining, and an ulcer results.

Naw, you're out of date. It's not acid, it's not "stress", it's H.
pylori, a bacterium associated with ulcers & possibly stomach cancer.

Another poster should be advised that crackers don't dissolve because of
acid - saliva is actually pH 6.5-7.5 - it's because of amylase, an enzyme
that breaks down starch.

On the topic of trolls, the CRC lists "human gastric contents" as pH
1.0-3.0. Now, pH 1.0 is the same as 1 N strong acid (like hydrochloric
acid) so it's a pretty decent acid, though the amount of damage acid does
to your skin is a bit overrated for some acids. (Well, what I mean is
that hydrofluoric acid will really do NASTY things, because it'll go
right through the skin and muscle without stopping, then hit your bone
and neutralize it by creating carbon dioxide gas... they have to amputate
... but THAT is a "weak" acid, but getting HCl on you won't really do
much damage, it'd sooner eat your clothes than eat your skin).
Meanwhile, pH 3.0 is only weakly acidic - it's like grapefruit (pH 3.0 -
3.3), cider (2.9-3.3), plums (2.8-3.0) etc. Limes are the most acid
fruit on the list at pH 1.8-2.0, and if you've tried them you know they
do HURT your fingers and/or teeth/gums, but I wouldn't call it a hit
point of damage.

Last argument - people do vomit, and it's a hard thing to really clean
out thoroughly, but I wouldn't call it a hit point of damage. I mean,
the average person has only a few hit points, but get the wrong bug (or
drink too much) and he can puke all day long...

Now, none of this is all that relevant to a fantasy campaign with four
elements, but I think I'm justified in an assertion that troll meat might
*usually* be safe to eat, yet every once in a while cause something
really bad to happen. And just to fudge it one step further, the
"rations" are apparently treated somehow to keep them from turning into
whole trolls in the backpack, and maybe that affects either whether it
regenerates into one in the stomach or whether it's dissolved by acid.

[Lawrence R. Mead]

Peter Sayer (Peter.G...@btinternet.com) wrote:
:
:
: Dominic Nguyen <ngu...@ix.netcom.com> wrote in article
: <35A16B...@ix.netcom.com>...
: <snip>

: > Wand of Defenestration (points for those who know what this word means

: > without looking in a dictionary, and more points to those who can spot
: > what wand this is supposed to be punning! :)

: <snip>

: A wand that destroys windows? (Bill Gates'd go spare!) based on the wand of
: disintegration?

No, that means a wand that throws things out of windows (defenestrate =
throw out of a window) 8-)

DMgorgon
--

Lawrence R. Mead (lrm...@whale.st.usm.edu)
ESCHEW OBFUSCATION ! ESPOUSE ELUCIDATION !
http://www-dept.usm.edu/~physics/mead.html

[Matthew Hayman]

Rob Taylor wrote in message <0vCHSDAt...@houdini.demon.co.uk>...

>In article <oiL0Re...@LunaCity.com>, barbara haddad
>> staff of the moggies ((makes all the cats you could ever want))
>>
>How about a Staff of the Mowgli (creates singing and dancing jungle
>animals)
>

How about a Staff of the Mogwi (sp?)

- get it wet and every one can have one.
- don't feed it after midnight?

Matt
-----------------------------------------------------
matthew...@nospam.usa.net

BWHAHAHAHA, RUN MORTALS !!
- Murry

[Allister Huggins]

I disagree..with the EM you can give some goodies to everybody in
the party and everybody could have unique items tailored to them. (I like
distinctive magic items). With the spell compendiums, true, your wizard
players can get new spells but exactly how many spells can you give them?
Spell compendium get last, get the EM first. Beside, the EM is so much
better looking and feeling.

Allister H.

[Peter Sayer]

Lawrence R. Mead <lrm...@whale.st.usm.edu> wrote in article
<6nvlok$gtq$1...@thorn.cc.usm.edu>...

> Peter Sayer (Peter.G...@btinternet.com) wrote:
> :
> :
> : Dominic Nguyen <ngu...@ix.netcom.com> wrote in article
> : <35A16B...@ix.netcom.com>...
> : <snip>
> : > Wand of Defenestration (points for those who know what this word
means
> : > without looking in a dictionary, and more points to those who can
spot
> : > what wand this is supposed to be punning! :)
> : <snip>
> : A wand that destroys windows? (Bill Gates'd go spare!) based on the
wand of
> : disintegration?
>
> No, that means a wand that throws things out of windows (defenestrate =
> throw out of a window) 8-)
>

Sorry, there... my mistake...

> DMgorgon
> --
>
> Lawrence R. Mead (lrm...@whale.st.usm.edu)
> ESCHEW OBFUSCATION ! ESPOUSE ELUCIDATION !
> http://www-dept.usm.edu/~physics/mead.html
>

[Barry B Wood]

Here's a twisted one:

Tymora's Favor
--------------
+3 bladed weapon (polymorphs into the user's weapon of choice)

1) Acts as a luckstone

2) Once per month, allows wielder to "avoid any situation once",
as per the card in the Deck of Many Things.

3) Continuously eminates a field of luck/unluck in a 20' radius
(keep this power secret, let the party figure it out)

a) Wielder rolls two times for every save, attack roll,
proficiency check, ability check, etc. Picks best roll.

b) Everyone else in 20' (including party members) roll twice
for every saving throw, attack roll, etc. Forced to use
the *worst* roll.

I threw this little gem into one of my campaigns. Haven't seen an
item contribute to so much inter-party strife since Blackrazor!

Methuselah, The Eternal One, Enslaver of Souls
Grand Inquisitor to Zhentil Keep

...still running from The Simbul :(

[Peter Sayer]

Tommy the Terrorist <may...@super.zippo.com> wrote in article
<6nv3ek$n...@enews4.newsguy.com>...

> In article <rtaylor-0707...@alander.cmc.net> Russ Taylor,
> rta...@news.cmc.net writes:
> >Stomach acid is actually fairly strong as naturally occuring acids go --
> >the only thing that keeps it from boring a hole right out of your gut is
a
> >nice, thick mucous layer. When that layer gets to thin, the acid begins
> >to digest the stomach lining, and an ulcer results.
>
> Naw, you're out of date. It's not acid, it's not "stress", it's H.
> pylori, a bacterium associated with ulcers & possibly stomach cancer.
>
> Another poster should be advised that crackers don't dissolve because of
> acid - saliva is actually pH 6.5-7.5 - it's because of amylase, an enzyme
> that breaks down starch.
>
> On the topic of trolls, the CRC lists "human gastric contents" as pH
> 1.0-3.0. Now, pH 1.0 is the same as 1 N strong acid (like hydrochloric
> acid) so it's a pretty decent acid, though the amount of damage acid does
> to your skin is a bit overrated for some acids. (Well, what I mean is
> that hydrofluoric acid will really do NASTY things, because it'll go
> right through the skin and muscle without stopping, then hit your bone
> and neutralize it by creating carbon dioxide gas... they have to amputate

At least it gets neutralised... even if your limb(s) DO turn to jelly...

> ... but THAT is a "weak" acid, but getting HCl on you won't really do
> much damage, it'd sooner eat your clothes than eat your skin).
> Meanwhile, pH 3.0 is only weakly acidic - it's like grapefruit (pH 3.0 -
> 3.3), cider (2.9-3.3), plums (2.8-3.0) etc. Limes are the most acid

Which leads me to a joke...

"Oh, i like to put things in cider..."

> fruit on the list at pH 1.8-2.0, and if you've tried them you know they
> do HURT your fingers and/or teeth/gums, but I wouldn't call it a hit
> point of damage.
>

No... question... could you kill a troll by feeding it limes?

> Last argument - people do vomit, and it's a hard thing to really clean
> out thoroughly, but I wouldn't call it a hit point of damage. I mean,
> the average person has only a few hit points, but get the wrong bug (or
> drink too much) and he can puke all day long...
>

Yeah, and if you get puked on... do you get injured by it?

> Now, none of this is all that relevant to a fantasy campaign with four
> elements, but I think I'm justified in an assertion that troll meat might
> *usually* be safe to eat, yet every once in a while cause something
> really bad to happen. And just to fudge it one step further, the
> "rations" are apparently treated somehow to keep them from turning into
> whole trolls in the backpack, and maybe that affects either whether it
> regenerates into one in the stomach or whether it's dissolved by acid.
>

Yes... THAT would be nasty...

GW fans! Read about Grom the Paunch of misty mountain!!

IIRC, GW trolls arent affected by acid...

--
"Out on the bay of innsmouth/Caught in a fishermans net
She came and rescued me/And set my heart free
Though shes a hybrid from above/We fell in love
Shes a pale shade of green/Shes only got one gill"
One gilled girl by The darkest of the hillside thickets

Intellect Devourer aka Peter Sayer

[Tim Galioto]

On Wed, 8 Jul 1998 00:37:17 +0100, Rob Taylor
<r...@houdini.demon.co.uk> wrote:

>In article <oiL0Re...@LunaCity.com>, barbara haddad
>> staff of the moggies ((makes all the cats you could ever want))
>>
>How about a Staff of the Mowgli (creates singing and dancing jungle
>animals)
>

>>rod of lardly might (you get a 19 STR, but gain 300 lbs)
>>
>>cloak of the archmoggie (turns the wearer into an extra from 'Cats')
>>
>Or even...
>
>Saw of Mighty Cutting Remarks.
>
>Rug of Smithering (Are you all right Mr Burns...)
>
>Rope of Romantic Entanglement (with anyone who touches the damn thing)
>
>Stone of Wait (always increases bureaucratic form filling and time
>wasting)
>
>Portable Howl (not to be confused with a Portable Whine aka a Kender)

How about.....

Dagger of Lemon (looks like a Dagger of Venom, but Ummmm! Lemonade!)

Robe of Thighs ( Cellulite rules!)

Eyes of the Beagle (Looks just like Eyes of The Eagle but when you put
em on.... Your eyes get all droopy.)

Cup of Protection AC: 2 ( It ain't a dixie cup, and you sure don't
want to drink out of it!)

Cloak of Misplacement ( Now where did I put those keys?)

Ring of Many Fishes ( No matter what your wish, You get a fish!)

Philosopher's Gall Stone ( Icky Poooo!)

Dwarmij's Instant Mistress ( Found inside Dwarmij's Instant
Fortress.....Inflatable!)

Mall of the Titans (Great place to find Big and Tall Men's clothes.)

Tim G.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
How can I believe the Rock of Ages
When I know the age of rocks?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

[KillFile/Denjor]

I think it depends on whether your a DM or a player. The more useful item for a DM
(IMHO) is the EM. It givies him oodles of new items to fall back on in the middle of
a campaign.
For a player The Spell Compendium is more useful to a player (though I own a copy
of both).

KillFile

Gebhard Blucher wrote:

> Bishop187 wrote:
>
> > EM? Oh, Encyclopedia Magica. Of all the AD&D books that I want, I want that one
> > most of all. Now if I only had the $$.
>
> I'd save your dough, and get the spell compendiums. Much more useful, I
> think.
>

> GB

[towo...@concentric.net]

Tim Galioto <blu...@castlegate.net> might have said:

>Dagger of Lemon (looks like a Dagger of Venom, but Ummmm! Lemonade!)

OUCH! That could truly hurt!
--
Jason
http://www.cris.com/~towonder/
Sailor Moon V at http://www.cris.com/~towonder/fanfic.shtml

[mwi...@geocities.com]

This is GREAT!! I'm gonna have to use this.

..*mumbling* have to get rid of that Tymora name, can't have FR fouling up
Greyhawk...

In article <Pine.GSO.3.96.980708...@infoserv.utdallas.edu>,

Barry B Wood <fen...@utdallas.edu> wrote:
>
> Here's a twisted one:
>
> Tymora's Favor
> --------------
> +3 bladed weapon (polymorphs into the user's weapon of choice)
>
> 1) Acts as a luckstone
>
> 2) Once per month, allows wielder to "avoid any situation once",
> as per the card in the Deck of Many Things.
>
> 3) Continuously eminates a field of luck/unluck in a 20' radius
> (keep this power secret, let the party figure it out)
>
> a) Wielder rolls two times for every save, attack roll,
> proficiency check, ability check, etc. Picks best roll.
>
> b) Everyone else in 20' (including party members) roll twice
> for every saving throw, attack roll, etc. Forced to use
> the *worst* roll.
>
> I threw this little gem into one of my campaigns. Haven't seen an
> item contribute to so much inter-party strife since Blackrazor!
>

-----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==-----
http://www.dejanews.com/rg_mkgrp.xp Create Your Own Free Member Forum

[Tim Galioto]

On 8 Jul 1998 19:08:01 -0500, blu...@castlegate.net (Tim Galioto)
wrote:

>
>Dwarmij's Instant Mistress ( Found inside Dwarmij's Instant
>Fortress.....Inflatable!)
>

OOOOPPPPSSS!
Make that "Daern's Instant Mistress"

T.G.
*****************************************************
"Those who beat their swords into plowshares may one
day come under the yoke of those who kept their
swords."

[Joseph G Hurd]

Keith Duthie wrote:

> On 6 Jul 1998, Tommy the Terrorist wrote:
>
> > Jack Wornshaw's Troll Rations This rather unappetizing haunch
> > of meat is in fact what you get when you try your best to purify
> > troll meat to edibility and put an upper limit on how far it can
> > regenerate. It can keep one person fed indefinitely (though many
> > would sooner fall on their swords!) or feeds two people for a day
> > if all is consumed (in which case it is destroyed). There is a 1%
> > chance per day of eating the rations that the eater will begin
> > growing a baby troll in his stomach, which soon begins to claw its
> > way outward... It is difficult to attack the troll since you can't
> > see it, and healing spells cast on the eater have no effect on the
> > baby troll. Somebody had better be ingenious, or surgically
> > skilled at least...
>

Well if tour not to screamish about about eating troll, try what a half
orge of mine did. Ma Bual realy liked his ring of regneration mostly on bits
of halfling, mm eat them up yumm. Yes he packed a very unique lucnh box.

> Nice Tag

[William Schuler]

Joseph G Hurd <hur...@concentric.net> wrote in article
<35ABA33B...@concentric.net>...
>
>
> Keith Duthie wrote:

> > > if all is consumed (in which case it is destroyed). There is a 1%
> > > chance per day of eating the rations that the eater will begin
> > > growing a baby troll in his stomach, which soon begins to claw its
> > > way outward... It is difficult to attack the troll since you can't

Of course, that is if you don't count the various stomach acids, which of
course do damage that cann't be regenerated. Therefore, no troll growth,
unless you have a severe problem digesting food

[M. Shelton]

Hither in the forum known as rec.games.frp.dnd, blu...@castlegate.net (Tim
Galioto) spake thus:

>How about.....

>Dagger of Lemon (looks like a Dagger of Venom, but Ummmm! Lemonade!)

>Robe of Thighs ( Cellulite rules!)

Robe of Sighs (thrrpppttttt)

>Dwarmij's Instant Mistress ( Found inside Dwarmij's Instant
>Fortress.....Inflatable!)

No doubt located under Dwarmij's Instant Matress

>Mall of the Titans (Great place to find Big and Tall Men's clothes.)

hardy har har 8-)

Matthew Shelton, a.k.a. Xeno, | The line between sanity and |
a.k.a. Marcus Daggersmith | madness |
E-Mail: mlsheltn [AT] cc.memphis.edu | was drawn |
Homepage: www.people.memphis.edu/~mlsheltn | by a |
USENET: Remove the extra 'c' in the return | kender with |
address header to reply. | wanderlust. |

[M. Shelton]

[Ring of Bureaucratic Wizardry + Staff of Magi]

Yep, I'd say this is the most twisted magical item combo I've ever seen.

[M. Shelton]

Hither in the forum known as rec.games.frp.dnd, Rob Taylor
<r...@houdini.demon.co.uk> spake thus:

>Wand of Wander - Every use causes you to amble off aimlessly for a
>while.

I wonder what it would do to wanderlusting kender. 8-)

[Jerry Behrendt]

Tim Galioto wrote:

> Mall of the Titans (Great place to find Big and Tall Men's clothes.)

Here's one of my all-time favorites: The Maul of America.

[Peter Sayer]

M. Shelton <mlsh...@ccc.memphis.edu> wrote in article
<6obo24$6...@oolong.memphis.edu>...

> Hither in the forum known as rec.games.frp.dnd, blu...@castlegate.net
(Tim
> Galioto) spake thus:
>
> >How about.....
>
> >Dagger of Lemon (looks like a Dagger of Venom, but Ummmm! Lemonade!)
>
> >Robe of Thighs ( Cellulite rules!)
>
> Robe of Sighs (thrrpppttttt)
>
>
> >Dwarmij's Instant Mistress ( Found inside Dwarmij's Instant
> >Fortress.....Inflatable!)
>
> No doubt located under Dwarmij's Instant Matress
>

At least it wasnt Dwarmij's instant sheep.... that would have been
embarrassing...

>
> >Mall of the Titans (Great place to find Big and Tall Men's clothes.)
>

> hardy har har 8-)
>

Mall of the tightones? (= Oxfam?)

>
>
> Matthew Shelton, a.k.a. Xeno, | The line between sanity and
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> a.k.a. Marcus Daggersmith | madness
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> E-Mail: mlsheltn [AT] cc.memphis.edu | was drawn
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> Homepage: www.people.memphis.edu/~mlsheltn | by a
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> USENET: Remove the extra 'c' in the return | kender with
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> address header to reply. | wanderlust.
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>
>
>

[spamspamspamspam(Too much MP)]

Cockring of Giant Prowess??
Decanter of endless KY-Jelly??
Bolt of staying? (Screw it in and it stays until the command word is given?
You did ask for 'Twisted'...)
Helm of lust projection?
Sword of rusting? (Metal hit save vs disintigration or turn to rust)
Dart of lethragy? (Slow spell on victem + must make save vs spells to take
ANY action)

[Kevin C. Conway]

Plate armor +2, Three command words engraved on inside front. resistance to
acid, Feather fall 1/day auto effect, resist normal fire auto effect. Shield
1/day auto effect. The following three powers need the command words to
function.
1 Cast silence except voice 1'r 1/week for one hour,
2 Cast stoneskin 1d4 attacks, once per week Costs 1/10th hit points round up
these can't be healed by magic,
3 Cast Fire Shield 2 turns duration strength & Dexterity drop 1 point each
for one week.

[Kevin C. Conway]

How about this one:
Gloves of the claws.
These sandy brown colored gloves look like leather outdoors gloves. They will
shrink or expand to fit whoever tries to put them on. There is a command word
embroidered on the inside of each glove, Zardoz in the right and Garmul in
the left. When Put on acts as gauntlets of Ogre Strength and give the wearer
18/00 strength +3+6
Zardoz must be said first. If said 4" long +3 mithral claws will extend from
the knuckles. These will allow 2 blows for 1D6 per round speed 3. After this
power is used a remove curse must be cast to allow the wearer to remove the
gloves. A Cleric has a 5% chance per level to succeed. Only one remove curse
can be tried per week. The gloves can now "talk" to the wearer
Garmul Any damage done with the claws will heal the wearer as vampiric
regeneration. Speed factor goes to 1. 3 blows per round.
Wearer can speak with wolves.
Cast mass charm monster on any wolf or werewolf 1/day.
Wearer must roll less than [Int. + Wis.]/4 to turn off the Garmul function.

These gloves are intelligent and chaotic evil. They have empathy & limited
telepathy with wearer.
Character personality score = Int. + Wis. + Exper. Level - [1 per 5% damaged]
- 1 each time gloves win control + 15 if undamaged +5 if Garmul has not been
spoken..
Gloves personality score: Int.: 12 Ego:15 Total =27

The gloves will empathy try to convince the wearer to use the powers. The
wearer will "see" the command words in his head. If injured the wearer will
get the impression that the gloves can cure him. If the gloves gain control
the wearer will attack the nearest living thing until fully healed. The
wearer will take the form of a werewolf in half-man form.
He will have a 5% cumulative chance of contracting lycantrophy. And a 5%
chance each time control is loss of shifting toward chaotic-evil.

[d.gre...@sg.qut.edu.au]

In article <6obo24$6...@oolong.memphis.edu>,

mlsh...@ccc.memphis.edu (M. Shelton) wrote:
> >Robe of Thighs ( Cellulite rules!)
> Robe of Sighs (thrrpppttttt)
> >Dwarmij's Instant Mistress ( Found inside Dwarmij's Instant
> >Fortress.....Inflatable!)
> No doubt located under Dwarmij's Instant Matress

My all-time favorite: Wings of Walking.

Darryl.

[blueeyedpop]

Remember the old hippity hop? a 2' diameter rubber sphere filled with air,
with a handle on it?
Put magic ones in one of my campaigns once, god ole fun.

Imperfect ring of regeneration. wounds heal all scarred up, and the ring is
cursed to stay on.

Wand of the may-pole. when the wand is waved, little demons emanate forth,
carrying lengths of wire which join to the wand. The little demons circle
about, de-capitating those who miss their save.
spamspamspamspam(Too much MP) wrote in message
<6ojbr4$b...@masters0.InterNex.Net>...