HUMOR: 101 Inns You Should Probably Stay Away From
Aardy R. DeVarque
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101 INNS YOU SHOULD PROBABLY STAY AWAY FROM...
Compiled & edited by Joel Hahn
Written by: Joel Hahn, Zimri, Jessen Yip, Etan Lord Moonstar, John W.
Mangrum, Larry Mead, Daniel Quattrone, PJS, Bullethead, Aleph, Zax,
Debihuman, Timothy Coyle, Lucius Chiaraviglio, Jarlwolf, James Robinson,
Wildwood, The Delraich Mage, Leonardh, Gebhard Blucher, Sheitan, Tim Kutz,
RGray26249, Weston Griffiths, Engel Nobbe, and BillyB
Sometimes, an inn is probably better passed by and quickly forgotten,
regardless of how much you need to rest or how far it is to the next
inn--for if you DO enter, you just know your characters are in for a rough
time. Some of these inns can be determined just from the name alone...
1. Procrustes' Rooms For Rent
2. The Otyugh's Lair
3. At Least the Mead is Warm...
4. Notell Motel
5. Bates Motel
6. We Hate Mages
7. The Lucky Louse
8. Keep Out
9. The Amityville House o' Fun
10. Zhentil Keep
11. Bob's House of Toast
12. The Speling Flayme
13. The Tortured Adventurer
14. The Angry Munchkin
15. The Angry DM
16. The Unfortunate Stain
17. Encounter 5A
18. The Lich's Foot
19. International House of Flumphs
20. The Tomb
21. Lost Taverns of Tsojcanth
22. Puke and Go
23. Tequila Wyrm
24. The Inn Definitely Not Run by Doppelgangers
25. Green Slime-O-Rama
26. Rot Grub Pudding Restaurant
27. The Illusionary Floor Inn (a.k.a. "The Dew Drop Inn")
28. The Bowels of Vecna
29. Castration Palace
30. The Undead Eatery
31. The Grassy Gnoll
32. The Gassy Gnoll
33. The Inn Where You can Get Into Lots of Fights, and Maybe Even Get
Started on an Adventure or Two
34. Cheers: Where Eveybody Knows Yer Moniker.
35. The Inn of Last Resorts
36. The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
37. The Tavern of Elemental Evil
38. Undermountain II
39. The Paranoid Bartender
40. The House of the Blue Balls
41. Strahd Slept Here
42. Hastur, Hastur, Hast__
43. The Golden Arches
44. The Secret Meeting Place
45. The Puking Palace
46. The Abyssal Gate
47. Bar-B-Aatezu and Grill
48. House of Pain
49. Red-shirts' Inn
50. Heartbreak Hotel
51. International House of Long Pork
52. Ye Olde Saving Throw
53. Microsoft(R) Inn98(R)
54. Werebeer
55. The Open Grave
56. The Scarlet Neighborhood Tap & Grill
57. Socrates' Bar & Pub
58. Inn of Horrors
59. The Tavern With a Man Shrouded In Darkness In the Back Corner
60. Hey, We Don't Like Your Kind In This Here Inn
61. Kill the Adventurers Inn
62. Inn on the Borderlands
63. Still Smoking Inn
64. Ground To A Paste Tavern
65. Hell's Kitchen
66. Acererak's Saloon
67. House of Strahd
68. Ye Olde Flophouse
69. Beshaba's Kiss
70. The Rose of Dorakaa
71. Inn Iuz We Trust
72. The Uncursed Inn
73. The Gaping Maw (big red doorway, completely dark inside...)
74. The Angry Wizards' Soda Fountain
75. The Slaughtered Lamb
76. The Thieves' Den
77. Pressgang Hostelry
78. Caveat Emptor
79. Parasite Palace
80. Hotel California
81. Kobold's Delight
82. The Closing Coffin (particularly in Ravenloft)
83. Blue Oyster Bar
84. The Scape Goat
85. The Random Encounter
86. Run For the Border
87. Elminster's Harem (gives new meaning to "The Chosen of Mystra"...)
88. The Tower of High Sorcery
89. Menzoberranz-Inn
90. The Gelded Ranger
91. Snack of the Archlich
92. The Cute Fluffy Bunny Inn
93. The Plague
94. The Towering Tavern O' Terror
95. The Retching Slattern
96. The Save or Die Inn
97. Ye Olde Plot Device
98. The Crazed Cannibal ("serving all kinds of people for over 10 years")
99. The Inn of a Thousand Whirling Sledgehammers
100. Inn of the Damned
101. Chateau d'Amberville
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azothath
Aardy R. DeVarque <aa...@enteract.NOJUNK.com> wrote:
> In honor of April Fools' Day...
>
>
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> 42. Hastur, Hastur, Hast__
More correctly, The Portsmouth Inn
They feature large stone tables, where you can have fun on Poetry Night
with your host Glakki, or Fish Night (featuring fresh spawn and the
catch of the day...). The artwork is fascinating, and pay no attention
to the rats in the walls.
--
/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/
can it be? Azot...@AOhell.com.invalid
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
Tuatha dé Danaan
<95480069...@fermion.b.fw.brunssum.net>:
>> 24. The Inn Definitely Not Run by Doppelgangers
>
>What's wrong with this one, then??
>
>Greetings
>N. Ewbie
>1st level mage
nothing at all
Sincerely
Jenn Erica
1st level character
-----
sorry, couldn't resist
actually did make her once, a Whitewolf character, had a sot in almost
everything, nothing specialised. friend made one with maxed out
attributes, called him LeStat ....they actually worked out great *grin*
setnaffa
one's I'll use!) are 6, 16, 24, 26, 28(!), 32, 37, 51, 54, 61,
77, 79, 86, 90, and especially 99...
THANKS! for reposting these!!!
* Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet's Discussion Network *
The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet - Free!
Tim Stoop (CVD)
azothath
azothath <azot...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> In article <mckces0cob5p5pd2a...@4ax.com>,
> Aardy R. DeVarque <aa...@enteract.NOJUNK.com> wrote:
> > In honor of April Fools' Day...
> >
> >
>
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>
> > 42. Hastur, Hastur, Hast__
>
Cerberus AOD
and with a goatie though...
On Mon, 03 Apr 2000 23:56:51 GMT, in my rec.games.frp.dnd coffee mug, which was
quite moldy, Tuatha dé Danaan, a dying weevil, wrote the following with his
antennae:
:-) >sto...@Mbrunssum.net (Tim Stoop (CVD)) wrote in
:-) ><95480069...@fermion.b.fw.brunssum.net>:
:-) >
:-) >>> 24. The Inn Definitely Not Run by Doppelgangers
:-) >>
:-) >>What's wrong with this one, then??
:-) >>
:-) >>Greetings
:-) >>N. Ewbie
:-) >>1st level mage
:-) >
:-) >nothing at all
:-) >
:-) >Sincerely
:-) >Jenn Erica
:-) >1st level character
:-) >
:-) >
:-) >-----
:-) >sorry, couldn't resist
:-) >actually did make her once, a Whitewolf character, had a sot in almost
:-) >everything, nothing specialised. friend made one with maxed out
:-) >attributes, called him LeStat ....they actually worked out great *grin*
------------------
Cerberus AOD / A Paper Cut (ernieSCR...@DoddsTech.com)
ICQ UIN: 8878412 (take out SCREWTHESPAM to mail me, okay?)
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards
For they are subtle, and quick to anger
And do not meddle in the affairs of dragons
For you are crunchy, and tatse good with ketchup
Moloch
> In article <mckces0cob5p5pd2a...@4ax.com>,
> Aardy R. DeVarque <aa...@enteract.NOJUNK.com> wrote:
> > In honor of April Fools' Day...
> >
> >
> =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
>
> > 42. Hastur, Hastur, Hast__
>
>
Shouldn't it be Innsmouth?
'Innsmouth look' -ref. HP Lovecraft, 'The Thing on the Doorstep'.
Snuggles the Psycho Shepherd
> 101 INNS YOU SHOULD PROBABLY STAY AWAY FROM...
>
>
> 87. Elminster's Harem (gives new meaning to "The Chosen of Mystra"...)
Ugh, my first though was (as follows for your continued pleasure):
Take 1 beautifull human female "goddess", and perhaps 2 score wrinkled
pruny disgusting perverted old men running around in lacy "robes", shake
and serve.
Excuse, I must now proceed to the toilet to hail the porcelain gods.
--
-Snuggles the Psycho Shepherd
**Shepherd, Philosopher, Handyman, Strange One, & Warrior of Oz**
Kelly Ross Pedersen
Moloch wrote:
[snippage]
> >
> > > 42. Hastur, Hastur, Hast__
> >
> > More correctly, The Portsmouth Inn
> >
> Shouldn't it be Innsmouth?
>
> 'Innsmouth look' -ref. HP Lovecraft, 'The Thing on the Doorstep'.
Are you sure? I connect the Innsmouth Look to "The Shadow over Innsmouth",
myself. I'm not even sure the villan in "The Thing on the Doorstep" was from
Innsmouth.
--
I teleported home last night
with Ron and Sid and Meg.
Ron stole Meggy's heart away,
and I got Sidney's leg!
The Teleporting Song,
Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
Kelly Pedersen, Student, Megalomanic, and aspiring All-knowing Being
Kelly_p...@yahoo.com
R. Serena Wakefield
<krp...@mail.usask.ca> wrote:
>Moloch wrote:
>[snippage]
>> > > 42. Hastur, Hastur, Hast__
>> > More correctly, The Portsmouth Inn
>> Shouldn't it be Innsmouth?
>> 'Innsmouth look' -ref. HP Lovecraft, 'The Thing on the Doorstep'.
>Are you sure? I connect the Innsmouth Look to "The Shadow over Innsmouth",
>myself. I'm not even sure the villan in "The Thing on the Doorstep" was from
>Innsmouth.
From The Thing on the Doorstep, the description of Asenath:
"She was one of the Innsmouth Waites, and dark legends have clustered
for generations about crumbling, half-deserted Innsmouth and its
people ... Ephraim lived in a half-decayed mansion in Washington
Street, Innsmouth, and those who had seen the place (Arkham folk avoid
going to Innsmouth whenever they can) declared that the attic windows
were always boarded, and that strange sounds sometimes floated from
within as evening drew on."
Also, the description of Asenath as having "overprotruberant eyes"
matches the description of the initial onset of the Innsmouth Look.
Nothing ever comes of this in the story, though, as the evil of the
Waites appears to be only peripherally connected to that of Innsmouth
itself.
Mah own kin, o'course, hail from Dunwich, which is a hole nuther
kettle a'fish, if ye'll excuse the ekspression ... >:D
--
R. Serena Wakefield
Visit Serena's Gaming Dojo at http://welcome.to/serenasdojo
RANDOMLY GENERATED THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
If you were taught that elves caused rain, every time it rained,
you'd see the proof of elves.
Kelly Ross Pedersen
"R. Serena Wakefield" wrote:
[snip]
> >> 'Innsmouth look' -ref. HP Lovecraft, 'The Thing on the Doorstep'.
>
> >Are you sure? I connect the Innsmouth Look to "The Shadow over Innsmouth",
> >myself. I'm not even sure the villan in "The Thing on the Doorstep" was from
> >Innsmouth.
>
> From The Thing on the Doorstep, the description of Asenath:
>
> "She was one of the Innsmouth Waites, and dark legends have clustered
> for generations about crumbling, half-deserted Innsmouth and its
> people ... Ephraim lived in a half-decayed mansion in Washington
> Street, Innsmouth, and those who had seen the place (Arkham folk avoid
> going to Innsmouth whenever they can) declared that the attic windows
> were always boarded, and that strange sounds sometimes floated from
> within as evening drew on."
>
> Also, the description of Asenath as having "overprotruberant eyes"
> matches the description of the initial onset of the Innsmouth Look.
> Nothing ever comes of this in the story, though, as the evil of the
> Waites appears to be only peripherally connected to that of Innsmouth
> itself.
>
Thanks. It's been almost a year since I read either story, so I couldn't be sure.
I'm very sure, however, that the term "The Innsmouth Look" comes from "The Shadow
Over Innsmouth".
>
> Mah own kin, o'course, hail from Dunwich, which is a hole nuther
> kettle a'fish, if ye'll excuse the ekspression ... >:D
>
Heh. Kettle of something, anyway...
Pfpsquared
From: "Tim Stoop (CVD)" sto...@Mbrunssum.net
Date: Mon, Apr 3, 2000 4:23 PM
Message-id: <95480069...@fermion.b.fw.brunssum.net>
> 24. The Inn Definitely Not Run by Doppelgangers
What's wrong with this one, then??
Greetings
N. Ewbie
1st level mage
>>
Nothing. Nothing at all. There are no doppelgangers here. Hence the name. We
don't even know why people would think there are doppelgangers at this
perfectly ordinary place. No sir, no doppelgangers here. Don't mind Freddy
there, his face just melted in a horrible accident. It's not like he's a
doppelganger in the middle of a shapeshift or anything. Where did you say you
were from?
The Innkeeper who is definitely Not a Doppelganger