Dzindzi in Fistfight at World Open!!!
halibut
Jay, this is a work of genius.
Jay McKeen
blue...@omni.voicenet.com (bluejack) writes:
>Heard a rumor that GM Roman D(zindzavili?) was arrested for punching some
>guy out over a game of backgammon at the World Open in Philadelphia. Does
>anyone know whether this is true?
>bluejack
Yes. It happened. Monday night. I was there. It was ugly.
GM Dzindzi was actually sprawled at the Internet Chess Club display,
his massive frame dwarfing the PC equipment in front of him, his
bearpaw-like right hand listlessly shifting the Microsoft Mouse to and fro
as he played a small-stakes backgammon game with IM Pavel Blatny with
his free left paw.
The game was being watched by an assortment of the world's chess elite
standing about disheveled from the day's tournament play, the occasional
bottle of Samuel Adams Boston Ale dangling from a delicate GM hand or two.
At one point Blatny rolled the dice, and began moving a marker. Dzindzi
suddenly reached over and grabbed Pavel's hand with his free paw,
crushing the hand and leaning threateningly into Pavel's face.
"You are low-life cheating Czech jackal," said Dzindzi.
The crowd, most former Iron Curtain residents, caught its collective breath,
and stared at the two. I saw Yermolinsky slowly turn his Sam Adams
bottle around, gripping it by the neck.
Blatny moved not a muscle, but stared long and hard into Dzindzi's
burning charcoal eyes. "A man, even one as bloated and grotesque as you,
could get hurt talking like that," said Blatny.
Suddenly Pal Benko pressed between the two. "Men, men! Let's be
reasonable! This is backgammon - only a game!"
Nick DeFirmian grabbed Benko from behind by the shoulder, and spun him
around. "Stay out of this, Hungarian, unless you want a real endgame lesson."
Benko pulled himself free from DeFirmian and replied, "You'll never get
out of the opening, pup! I was fighting for freedom while you were
waxing you surfboard."
I saw Josh Waitzkin and Jorge Zamora drop to the floor and crawl under
one of the water-station tables, both peeking out from the hanging
tablecloths.
Suddenly Michael Rohde ran through the crowd, smashing a hard left into
Benko's jaw. Yermolinksy smashed the Sam Adams bottle on a table, and
crouched menacingly, holding the jagged-edged bottle in front of him:
"Anybody want a piece of this, huh?!", said Yermolinsky.
Blatny, seeing his chance, reached with his free hand for
the Glock Semi-auto 9 mm that it is common knowledge he carries under his
arm in a handmade leather shoulder holster. Dzindzi anticipated the move,
snatched free the bootknife he carries, and drove the dagger straight through
Blatny's hand into the backgammon board. Pavel screamed in pain,
clutching his wrist and trying to free his nailed hand, which was
bleeding all over the backgammon board.
Blatny tried an old Curly-Three Stooges trick, and said, "Gee! Look at
that, Dzindzi!" Dzindzi turned and looked, and Blatny clocked him on the
side of the head with a coffee urn. Dzindzi stared, and laughed long and
hard, then began punching Blatny in the face repeatedly, Blatny's torso
bouncing back from each recoil in time to receive another Dzindzi jab in
the nose and bounce back again. The rhythm of the blows was hypnotic.
A voice yelled out, "Hey fat boy! Pick on somebody your own size!" It
was GM ANatoly Lein, standing at his full 5'5", fists clenched.
Dzindzi rose and turned, but not soon enough to slow Lein, who, with the
skill of a trained boxer, fired an uppercut into the big Georgian's jaw,
artfully ducked to avoid a wild sluggish swing by Dzindzi, and
peppered two overhand rights into the big man's skull. Dzindzi seemed to be
only angered by the blows, and he tossed his mammoth head Godzilla-like
left and right, emitting fierce howls of pain and ferocity.
IM Jay Bonin rushed up from behind, smashing a metal folding chair over
Lein's head, dropping him to the floor, Lein rolling on the carpet,
cursing in Russian, and holding his cracked skull.
Bonin, a wild grin dominating his face, turned from side to side, looking
for those who might appreciate his work, when GM John Fedorowicz stepped
from his left, and pulled a nasty-looking lead-filled blackjack from his
leather jacket and swung it, full-arc in the air, striking the still
grinning Bonin square on temple. Bonin lay still on the floor, the grin
still on his face.
Fedorowicz stood astride Bonin's lifeless body, staring down, the
blackjack hanging loose at his side, as he said, "Now don't you feel
silly, Jay? Now you're gonna die, and you're wearing that silly looking
hat."
In the center of the hall, FM Sunil Weeramanty had his shirt off, and
stood, his whole torso flexed and drenched with sweat, and he masterfully
spun a set of nunchuks at speeds too fast to follow, displaying years of
martial arts training as many of the battling chessplayers stopped their
individual brawls to watch.
Bill Goichberg walked up to Weeramantry as he flailed his nunchuks, said
quietly, "You guys are cutting into my profits," and punched Weeramantry
square in the face, dropping him and his nunchuks to the floor, the
former British Champion and Bruce Lee stand-in completely unconscious.
But he did look good.
By then, the hallway was in complete disorder, GM's, IM's, and FM's
fighting with hands, knives, clubs, chairs, knees, and heads.
GM Walter Browne was striding through the crowd, wearing a leather
"Down-Under" hat, one side pinned up, brandishing a large Bowie knife, as
he occasionally head-butted the arbitrarily-chosen victim, and
repeateadly chanted, as if it were a mantra: "Fosters! Austrailian
for Beeeaah! Ha. Ha. Ha."
Maurice Ashley, Boris Gulko, and Larry Christiansen were fighting off a
group of about ten Dzindzi faction members, shoulder to shoulder in the
corner. Ashley was complaining he wanted to get back to New York, where
he would be safe.
Alex Dunne and Max Dlugy were trading punches in the center of the hall,
both near exhaustion, and unable to stop the other's powerful blows,
Dlugy bellowing, "You can't do this by mail, can you Alex?"
The august and respected figure of Arthur Bisguier could be seen,
blasting through the crowd, firing bodies right and left, Chick-Norris style,
trying to complete his rescue mission, and make his way to the still
bleeding Blatny.
Suddenly the crack of a handgun went off - it had to happen -, and all
turned from their part of the battle to see the gunman.
There he was, smoke trailing from the muzzle of his massive .44 magnum:
Viktor Korchnoi.
"Stop this goddamn nonsense, you blasted idiots," said the former
contender, dressed in a faded lime-green leisure suit.
All stared in silence. "Why can't we all just get along," said
Korchnoi. Most of the crowd hung their heads and stared at the ground.
The sudden quiet was complete. The only sound was that of Dzindzi's
strained breathing, the drip-drip-drip of blood from the corner of
the backgammon board, and the click-click-click of Waitzkin and Zamora's
knees as they shivered in fear under the table.
Across the hall a whistle was heard. All of us turned. There, in a long
duster overcoat and leather Outlaw Josey Wales hat, was Anatoly Karpov, a
fat smoking Robert DeNiro-Cape Fear cigar stuck in his face.
"You feeling lucky today, Viktor?" said the quiet Anatoly, as he shifted
the nasty stogie around in his thin mouth.
Korchnoi looked evenly, and smiled. "Care to meet me in Merano, Fetus?
Where are your Party friends now?"
Karpov smiled grimly back. "Merano? Perhaps we can settle this here,
Viktor. Or do you want to wait for your Parapsychologist, or your
tea-leaf reader, old man?"
Korchnoi smile faded, and he slowly cocked back the hammer of his revolver,
the metallic click causing an involuntary flinch in the crowd.
"Your move, FIDE-boy," said Korchnoi.
Then, with a slow-motion movement, Karpov flipped the side of his duster
away, and levelled a double barreled shotgun up at Korchnoi.
Both men began firing. Everyone either went for the floor, or drew their
own weapons and sent wild shots in every direction.
The gunfire went on for what seemed like 10 minutes, when GM Joel Lautier
came running into the hallway screaming at the top of his lungs.
He yelled to Korchnoi, "Swiss, Cheese it! The cops!."
Pandemonium. The room came alive again, and GM, IM, and FM alike, ran
from the room, dragging the wounded and dying with them. I saw Dzindzi
turn and pull the knife from the backgammon, freeing Blatny. Before
Dzindzi ran off, he turned, and backhanded Blatny across the hall.
Dimitry Gurevich grabbed the babbling Blatny and pulled him from the hall.
Karpov ran past the bookstore where he had tethered his horse, hopped on
from behind, and rode through the glass doors to the parking lot,
shatering glass in his wake, and disappeared as his horse galloped between the
Denny's and TGI-Fridays restaurants.
By the time police arrived, the hallway in the Adams-Mark was empty, only
the bloodied backgammon board tribute to the battle that had formerly raged.
The police had no luck. No victim could be located; no one who was
located would cooperate.
"I didn't see nuthin', copper", said Sofia Polgar to the detectives.
"Talk to my lawyer, Rich Costigan," said Boris Gulko.
"Did you see a talking white rabbit," babbled the knot-headed Jay Bonin.
"Don't know what you're talking about," said the bleeding Blatny to
detectives who looked at his wounded hand, "I did this on the clock playing
some blitz...it was Black's equipment."
That's how I remember it, Bluejack. That's how it was.
-Jay
Tom Crain
Dzindzi. Better yet, Marlon Brandon could play Karpov!
Regards, Tom Crain
Donald Wynn
: blue...@omni.voicenet.com (bluejack) writes:
: >Heard a rumor that GM Roman D(zindzavili?) was arrested for punching some
: >guy out over a game of backgammon at the World Open in Philadelphia. Does
: >anyone know whether this is true?
: >bluejack
: Yes. It happened. Monday night. I was there. It was ugly.
: (Lots of hilarious stuff deleted....)
ROFLMAO!
OK, that was the funniest thing I've read in the past year or two on R.G.C!!
Good job...but I'm surprised we didn't have a cameo by one of the Kamskys...
Donald
bluejack
" That's how I remember it, Bluejack. That's how it was.
Jay,
Thanks for the confirmation. That's pretty much what I heard also.
I hadn't heard that Karpov had a double-barrelled shotgun, but
it doesn't surprise me.
bluejack
--
-----blue...@omni.voicenet.com philadelphia,pa-----
Go on & tip your hat up to the Pilate;
Take off your watch, your rings & all:
Even Jesus wanted just a little more time
When he was walking spanish down the hall.
-Tom Waits, from Rain Dogs
Darrin Bond
>well did he have a fight or not?!!!
My sources have confirmed that Roman was in a fight that resulted in his
arrest. Sorry but it is not clear as to the charges or the current
disposition of them.
Darrin
Ali Mortazavi
Ali Mortazavi
Striker
: "I didn't see nuthin', copper", said Sofia Polgar to the detectives.
: "Did you see a talking white rabbit," babbled the knot-headed Jay Bonin.
: "Don't know what you're talking about," said the bleeding Blatny to
: detectives who looked at his wounded hand, "I did this on the clock playing
: some blitz...it was Black's equipment."
: That's how I remember it, Bluejack. That's how it was.
: -Jay
Hilarious...absolutely.
Not a bad piece of nonsense Jay. :)
David Hanley
: >well did he have a fight or not?!!!
: My sources have confirmed that Roman was in a fight that resulted in his
: arrest.
Damn. Who squealed? One of those kamskys?
: Sorry but it is not clear as to the charges or the current
: disposition of them.
Probably for carrying that bootknife.
(That story was brilliant)
--
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
| David James Hanley, KSC--d...@lac.eecs.uic.edu -- C++, OOD, martial arts|
| Laboratory for advanced computing | My employer barely KNOWS me. |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is transitory.
Tim Mirabile
>>well did he have a fight or not?!!!
>My sources have confirmed that Roman was in a fight that resulted in his
>arrest. Sorry but it is not clear as to the charges or the current
>disposition of them.
>Darrin
Can your sources tell us on what day this supposedly happened?
I was there - from June 30 to July 5, one day after most everyone had left,
and I didn't see anything like you described. I saw Roman there, playing
on the ICC display, almost every day.
(He was not always playing under his usual handle :^) )
My roommate was one of the directors, so we got to hear all the stories,
and there was nothing about Roman being in a fist fight or being arrested.
--
Tim
gbpa...@online.dct.com
Great story!
I have asked a number of people about the 'real' story and the
gist of it follows:
Roman was playing poker with a group and a non-player "waved"
his hand over the money. Roman told him to stop and the
person shoved or pushed him. <...you don't spit into the wind...>
Roman hit the person and someone called the police.
No arrests were made.
(hardly a fight!)
John P DeMastri
D @ the World Open. If someone could kindly E-mail it, I would
be forever in their debt. (Well at least for a little while...)
John DeMastri
71172,6...@compuserve.com
Darrin Bond
>Can your sources tell us on what day this supposedly happened?
Well Tim, since my source(s) is in Latvia until 7/22 you'll just have to
wait. I will find out what day it was and put your litte mind to ease asap.
>I was there - from June 30 to July 5, one day after most everyone had left,
>My roommate was one of the directors, so we got to hear all the stories,
>and there was nothing about Roman being in a fist fight or being arrested.
That is nice. Do you agree that you/your director friend may have missed
something?
I can say that when first asked my source(s) new nothing... Then there
was a phone call. The next day while playing tennis my source(s) told me
that it was indeed true. There was an assault and an arrest that may or
may not have resulted in the removal of the of the parties from the
site. I will point out that a citation can be issued in lew of an actual
physical detention of an individual involved in a criminal act depending
on the situation.
Also, My source, upon hearing the rumor from me, speculated that that may
have been the reason for the cancelation of a scheduled exhibition
between Mr. D and Kaidonov.
Darrin
Tim Mirabile
>In article <3tq30h$l...@news.htp.com>, Tim Mirabile <t...@mail.htp.com> wrote:
>>Can your sources tell us on what day this supposedly happened?
>Well Tim, since my source(s) is in Latvia until 7/22 you'll just have to
>wait. I will find out what day it was and put your litte mind to ease asap.
>>I was there - from June 30 to July 5, one day after most everyone had left,
>>My roommate was one of the directors, so we got to hear all the stories,
>>and there was nothing about Roman being in a fist fight or being arrested.
>That is nice. Do you agree that you/your director friend may have missed
>something?
Only if *all* of the directors had missed it, otherwise, we would have
heard about it in one of the late night BS sessions. (These were held
in either the bookstore or the directors room, with the bookstore being
adjacent to the skittles room where the backgammon being played)
The closest I heard to anything like this was that someone asked to borrow
a clock from a player on a neighboring board in one of the lower sections.
That player was reluctant to lend out his cheap PBM clock, but he did after
receiving an expensive camera as collateral. That night, the player who had
lent the clock got into the all night poker game, and I assume he was losing,
because he bet *the camera* and lost. According to *my* sources, Roman was
playing in that poker game, but I don't know if he was the winner of the
camera or not. The next day the player who borrowed the clock went looking
to return it and get the camera back. After much ado, the man who lost the
clock admitted what had happened, and the police escorted him from the hotel.
I saw this part in person, because it happened during the morning round, and I
came out to see what all the noise was. I saw Roman playing on ICC later that
afternoon, so he was still around. I don't know why the match between Roman
and Kaidanov was cancelled.
--
Tim
Dmitry Dakhnovsky
(was .. Darrin Bo...@pitt.edu (1251)
> In article <3tq30h$l...@news.htp.com>, Tim Mirabile <t...@mail.htp.com> wrote:
> Also, My source, upon hearing the rumor from me, speculated that that may
> have been the reason for the cancelation of a scheduled exhibition
> between Mr. D and Kaidonov.
> Darrin
Huh?!
Mark S. Hathaway
> Tim Mirabile <t...@mail.htp.com> writes:
>> sch...@pitt.edu (Darrin Bond) wrote:
>>> well did he have a fight or not?!!!
>> My sources have confirmed that Roman was in a fight that resulted in his
>> arrest. Sorry but it is not clear as to the charges or the current
>> disposition of them.
>>
>> Darrin
> Can your sources tell us on what day this supposedly happened?
>
> I was there - from June 30 to July 5, one day after most everyone had left,
> and I didn't see anything like you described. I saw Roman there, playing
> on the ICC display, almost every day.
>
> (He was not always playing under his usual handle :^) )
>
> My roommate was one of the directors, so we got to hear all the stories,
> and there was nothing about Roman being in a fist fight or being arrested.
Did they even clean up all the blood? Was detective Mark Fuhrman
anywhere to be found with a bloody glove? Did Dzindi have blood on
his socks? Check Bill Goichberg's knuckles for scars!
I thought the only conspiracy of silence that effective was the one
about JFK's assassination.
booga booga booga Paranoia strikes deep in the heart. :-)
Mark S. Hathaway <hath...@marshall.edu>
Bradlee Johnson
been having trouble with the server. We'll get nothing on a
thread for a few days and then 55 articles will show up. They say
their in the process of fixing it. Anyway, beautiful piece of
writing. Too bad it couldn't get reprinted in Chess Life!
--
Regards.
-Bradlee Johnson
DeckerD
Four Stars!
****
Great casting! Lotsa action!
Classic showdown ending!
you've got talent bub!
regards,Dale