Coffee..(No Bridge Content)

[mrd...@ibm.net]

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Thought everyone might like this one as bridge players are know for the gallons
of coffee they drink.

> For all you coffee junkies out there...
>
> >> You Know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When...
> >>
> >> - You answer the door before people knock.
> >> - Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
> >> - You ski uphill.
> >> - You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
> >> - You speed walk in your sleep.
> >> - You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
> >> - You just completed another sweater and you don't know
> >> how to knit.
> >> - You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
> >> - You sleep with your eyes open.
> >> - You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
> >> - The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
> >> - You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away
> >> without using the timer.
> >> - You lick your coffeepot clean.
> >> - You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
> >> - You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse
> >> and you don't even work there.
> >> - You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
> >> - Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
> >> - You chew on other people's fingernails.
> >> - The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
> >> - Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
> >> - You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their
> >> margaritas.
> >> - You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.
> >> - You can jump-start your car without cables.
> >> - Cocaine is a downer.
> >> - All your kids are named "Joe".
> >> - You don't need a hammer to pound nails.
> >> - Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
> >> - You don't sweat, you percolate.
> >> - You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
> >> - You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
> >> - You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
> >> - You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you
> >> realize it's not plugged in.
> >> - You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
> >> - Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
> >> - You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
> >> - People get dizzy just watching you.
> >> - You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
> >> - The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
> >> - Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
> >> - Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
> >> - You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
> >> - People can test their batteries in your ears.
> >> - Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
> >> - Instant coffee takes too long.
> >> - You channel surf faster without a remote.
> >> - When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the
> >> last drop."
> >> - You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of
> >> eternity in a coffee can.
> >> - You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
> >> - Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
> >> - You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
> >> - You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
> >> - You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
> >> - You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
> >> - You get drunk just so you can sober up.
> >> - You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
> >> - Your Thermos is on wheels.
> >> - Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
> >> - You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
> >> - You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
> >> - You short out motion detectors.
> >> - You have a conniption over spilled milk.
> >> - You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
> >> - Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
> >> - You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
> >> - You don't tan, you roast.
> >> - You don't get mad, you get steamed.
> >> - Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before,
> >> coffee during and coffee after.
> >> - Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass
> >> of iced coffee to get you in the mood.
> >> - You can't even remember your second cup.
> >> - You help your dog chase its tail.
> >> - You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
> >> - Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
> >> - You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
> >> - You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
> >> - Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an
> >> I.V. hookup.
> >>
> >>

Mark 'Mr. Double' Myerson
mrd...@ibm.net

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From: Mark Myerson <ma...@us.ibm.com>
To: <mrd...@ibm.net>
Subject: coffee :) :)
Message-ID: <0038300012960170000002L002*@MHS>
Date: Fri, 21 Nov 1997 12:53:16 -0500
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Mark

Notes id: MARKM at IBMUS
Internet id: MMYERSON @ US.IBM.COM
Capital Assets Application Development (SAP)
Mail Drop 347 Office C3-B36
Southbury, CT 06488
IBMUS/MARKM
(8)-376-3401/(203)-486-3401 FAX : ext. 5413

---------------------- Forwarded by Mark Myerson/Southbury/IBM on 11-21-97
12:33 PM ---------------------------

Kevin Kauffman
11-21-97 12:21 PM

To: AD, Don Levesque/Southbury/IBM@IBMUS
cc:
From: Kevin Kauffman/Southbury/IBM @ IBMUS
Subject: coffee :) :)

Don't blame me, it's from Dean. 'nough said :-)

Kevin
Team Lead, SAP - Capital Asset Application Development
M/D #347 SBY, T/L 376-2777
Internet Address: KKAU...@US.IBM.COM

---------------------- Forwarded by Kevin Kauffman/Southbury/IBM on 11-21-97
12:20 PM ---------------------------

Dean Stockwell
11-21-97 10:30 AM
To: Kevin Kauffman/Southbury/IBM
cc:
From: Dean Stockwell/Southbury/IBM @ IBMUS
Subject: coffee :) :)

Some more interesting tidbits for our coffee drinkers in the crowd.....

Dean G. Stockwell -- Phone: t/l 376-2161 ext. (203) 486-2161
SAP Fixed Assets Development, Rm C3-B34, Mail Drop #347
P.O. Box 4001, 150 Kettletown Rd. Southbury, CT 06488-4001

Notes ID: DSTOCK@IBMUSM00
Email Addresses
DST...@US.IBM.COM

---------------------- Forwarded by Dean Stockwell/Southbury/IBM on 11-21-97
10:30 AM ---------------------------

For all you coffee junkies out there...

>> You Know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When...
>>
>> - You answer the door before people knock.
>> - Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
>> - You ski uphill.
>> - You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
>> - You speed walk in your sleep.
>> - You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
>> - You just completed another sweater and you don't know
>> how to knit.
>> - You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
>> - You sleep with your eyes open.
>> - You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
>> - The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
>> - You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away
>> without using the timer.
>> - You lick your coffeepot clean.
>> - You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
>> - You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse
>> and you don't even work there.
>> - You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
>> - Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
>> - You chew on other people's fingernails.
>> - The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
>> - Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
>> - You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their
>> margaritas.
>> - You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.
>> - You can jump-start your car without cables.
>> - Cocaine is a downer.
>> - All your kids are named "Joe".
>> - You don't need a hammer to pound nails.
>> - Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
>> - You don't sweat, you percolate.
>> - You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
>> - You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
>> - You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
>> - You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you
>> realize it's not plugged in.
>> - You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
>> - Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
>> - You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
>> - People get dizzy just watching you.
>> - You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
>> - The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
>> - Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
>> - Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
>> - You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
>> - People can test their batteries in your ears.
>> - Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
>> - Instant coffee takes too long.
>> - You channel surf faster without a remote.
>> - When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the
>> last drop."
>> - You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of
>> eternity in a coffee can.
>> - You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
>> - Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
>> - You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
>> - You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
>> - You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
>> - You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
>> - You get drunk just so you can sober up.
>> - You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
>> - Your Thermos is on wheels.
>> - Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
>> - You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
>> - You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
>> - You short out motion detectors.
>> - You have a conniption over spilled milk.
>> - You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
>> - Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
>> - You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
>> - You don't tan, you roast.
>> - You don't get mad, you get steamed.
>> - Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before,
>> coffee during and coffee after.
>> - Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass
>> of iced coffee to get you in the mood.
>> - You can't even remember your second cup.
>> - You help your dog chase its tail.
>> - You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
>> - Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
>> - You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
>> - You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
>> - Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an
>> I.V. hookup.
>>
>>
>
>

--------- End forwarded message ----------

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