Poker Jokes
newshound
player?
The large pizza can feed a family of four.
===========
I was playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four
people died.
===========
From the new hand nicknames department…AK: Anna Kournikova. Looks
great. Never wins.
===========
What is the difference between prayer in a church and at the poker
table?
At the poker table, you really mean it.
============
Two rules for success in poker:
1) Never tell everything you know.
============
From the poker dictionary:
lottery (noun): A tax on people who are bad at math.
============
How do you…get a professional poker player off your doorstep?
Pay him for the pizza.
===========
What is the…difference between a poker player and a dog?
The dog will eventually stop whining.
===========
A man comes home…from his weekly poker game late. His annoying wife is
waiting for him. “Where the heck have you been?”
“Sorry, but I lost you in a poker game. You’ll have to leave.”
“How did you manage that, you fool?”
“It wasn’t easy. I had to fold a royal flush.”
========
What is the…difference between a professional poker player and God?
God doesn’t think He’s a professional poker player.
=============
Why didn’t the…elephant like to play poker in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
The regular Friday night poker…game was still going strong after
midnight. One of the players returned from the restroom, saying “Bill,
I just saw your wife in the bedroom with Frank!”
“OK, that’s it, guys. This is definitely the last hand.”
============
A doctor answers…his phone at home on a Friday night. His colleague
says, “We need an eighth player for poker.” The doctor replied, “Hold
on. I’ll be there ASAP.” As he was grabbing his coat and keys, his
wife asked, “Is it serious?” “It sure is,” he said. “There are already
seven other doctors there!”
==============
A man hears a voice…that tells him “Quit your job, sell your house,
and go to Las Vegas.” He ignores it. The next day he hears the same
voice telling him “Quit your job, sell your house, and go to Las
Vegas.” He ignores it. On a third day, he hears the voice again;
saying “Quit your job, sell your house, and go to Las Vegas.” He
finally obeys.
Upon arriving in Las Vegas, the voice says, “Go to the Rio.” He does.
At the Rio, the voice says, “Put your last $10,000 on a WSOP entry.”
He does.
The first hand of the tournament, the man is dealt Ad As. “Go all in,”
commands the voice. He does and gets three callers. The flop is Jc Tc
9c. “Fuck!” says the voice.
Irish Mike
"newshound" <BorgN...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:525eef1a-3d62-4bc6...@o14g2000vbo.googlegroups.com...
> What is the difference between a large pizza and a professional poker
> player?
> The large pizza can feed a family of four.
> ===========
>
> I was playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four
> people died.
> ===========
>
> From the new hand nicknames department�AK: Anna Kournikova. Looks
> great. Never wins.
> ===========
>
> What is the difference between prayer in a church and at the poker
> table?
> At the poker table, you really mean it.
> ============
>
> Two rules for success in poker:
> 1) Never tell everything you know.
> ============
>
> From the poker dictionary:
> lottery (noun): A tax on people who are bad at math.
> ============
>
> How do you�get a professional poker player off your doorstep?
> Pay him for the pizza.
> ===========
>
> What is the�difference between a poker player and a dog?
> The dog will eventually stop whining.
> ===========
>
> A man comes home�from his weekly poker game late. His annoying wife is
> waiting for him. �Where the heck have you been?�
>
> �Sorry, but I lost you in a poker game. You�ll have to leave.�
>
> �How did you manage that, you fool?�
>
> �It wasn�t easy. I had to fold a royal flush.�
> ========
>
> What is the�difference between a professional poker player and God?
> God doesn�t think He�s a professional poker player.
> =============
>
> Why didn�t the�elephant like to play poker in the jungle?
> Because there are too many cheetahs.
>
> The regular Friday night poker�game was still going strong after
> midnight. One of the players returned from the restroom, saying �Bill,
> I just saw your wife in the bedroom with Frank!�
>
> �OK, that�s it, guys. This is definitely the last hand.�
> ============
>
> A doctor answers�his phone at home on a Friday night. His colleague
> says, �We need an eighth player for poker.� The doctor replied, �Hold
> on. I�ll be there ASAP.� As he was grabbing his coat and keys, his
> wife asked, �Is it serious?� �It sure is,� he said. �There are already
> seven other doctors there!�
> ==============
>
> A man hears a voice�that tells him �Quit your job, sell your house,
> and go to Las Vegas.� He ignores it. The next day he hears the same
> voice telling him �Quit your job, sell your house, and go to Las
> Vegas.� He ignores it. On a third day, he hears the voice again;
> saying �Quit your job, sell your house, and go to Las Vegas.� He
> finally obeys.
>
> Upon arriving in Las Vegas, the voice says, �Go to the Rio.� He does.
>
> At the Rio, the voice says, �Put your last $10,000 on a WSOP entry.�
> He does.
>
> The first hand of the tournament, the man is dealt Ad As. �Go all in,�
> commands the voice. He does and gets three callers. The flop is Jc Tc
> 9c. �Fuck!� says the voice.
>
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> signature database 4088 (20090519) __________
>
> The message was checked by ESET NOD32 Antivirus.
>
> http://www.eset.com
>
>
>
__________ Information from ESET NOD32 Antivirus, version of virus signature database 4088 (20090519) __________
The message was checked by ESET NOD32 Antivirus.
K9way
> 7 cavemen were playing omaha8.
one bets the other one calls ..
bettor says "I have a wheel " ...
caller says "What the fuck is a wheel ?"
---�
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