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Please don't bring food!

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Giusi

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Aug 27, 2008, 4:30:58 AM8/27/08
to
I have been reading about people liking to bring food to parties, and when
it is that kind of party, I think that's great: to offer. What I don't get
is when host says no and the guest brings food anyway.

When I plan a dinner I plan a menu of foods and flavors that go together.
If you show up with something off plan I will not be grateful. Even Miss
Manners says a host is under no obligation to serve things you show up with.

So how do you feel? Of you are serving a Mexican meal or a Swiss raclette,
how would you feel about someone showing up with a curry?
--
http://www.judithgreenwood.com


Bob Terwilliger

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Aug 27, 2008, 4:38:29 AM8/27/08
to
Giusi wrote:


"Wow, thanks, that's great! Let's see, it doesn't go with the rest of the
meal, so how about if we just serve it in a room by itself? Ummm.... the
BATHROOM has some counter space!"

Bob

Ophelia

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Aug 27, 2008, 4:45:05 AM8/27/08
to

I would probably say, 'Thank you, that is most kind, I will have it
tomorrow'


--
Real friendship is shown in times of trouble;
prosperity is full of friends.
* Euripedes


ChattyCathy

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Aug 27, 2008, 6:16:27 AM8/27/08
to
Giusi wrote:

I'd say it depends how well you know the 'someone' in question or if
they had any idea of what you were going to be serving.

If it was a good friend (or family member) you might say, "John/Joan, I
thought I *told* you not to bring any food? I've already got enough
here to feed an army. You know I love your curry, but we're having
Mexican tonight, or didn't I mention that when I invited you? But this
will come in very handy for tomorrow or the next day, so thanks very
much." ;-)

OTOH, if it's a 'business' dinner and the Boss brings something that you
didn't ask for, it might be wise to thank him/her politely and put it
on the table with the other stuff, because to refuse could be a severe
Career Limiting Move, IMHO. <very evil grin>
--
Cheers
Chatty Cathy

Egg tastes better when it's not on your face...

Stan Horwitz

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Aug 27, 2008, 6:42:53 AM8/27/08
to
In article <6hkhmaF...@mid.individual.net>,
"Giusi" <decob...@yahoo.com> wrote:

I have never had that happen, although I don't entertain at home a lot
and that situation has never come up. I would just put the unexpected
food away for another meal and thank the person who brought it.

Billy

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Aug 27, 2008, 7:25:33 AM8/27/08
to
On Wed, 27 Aug 2008 06:42:53 -0400, Stan Horwitz <st...@temple.edu>
wrote:

>I have never had that happen, although I don't entertain at home a lot
>and that situation has never come up. I would just put the unexpected
>food away for another meal and thank the person who brought it.

I had been invited to a good friends house that was an excellent cook.
The finest of everything, wine, ingredients, etc. Her failure was
baking.

I just baked some of the finest snowflake rolls and arrived with them
hot from the oven. She was gracious and said thank you. Then she
proceeded to put her Hostess brown and serve rolls on the table. I
haven't bothered taking anything again.

Oh...and a store apple pie finished the meal.

Saerah Gray

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Aug 27, 2008, 7:45:06 AM8/27/08
to
"Giusi" <decob...@yahoo.com> fnord
news:6hkhmaF...@mid.individual.net:

Thanks! That will be great for lunches at work/leftovers tomorrow!

--
Saerah

"Welcome to Usenet, Biatch! Adapt or haul ass!"
- some hillbilly from FL

Julia Altshuler

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Aug 27, 2008, 7:49:43 AM8/27/08
to


I was staying with one old friend for the weekend that another old
friend was getting married. We'd offered to throw a small dinner party
for the bridal couple and a few old friends, but the next thing we knew,
many more people, people we didn't know, were coming for dessert. It
was one of those things that happened at the spur of the moment and
that's forgivable with friends as good as these.


We were most concerned with not having enough dishes and with clean-up.
We chose finger food, brownies, cookies, grapes and cut fresh fruit.
The idea was for everything to be something that could just be picked up
and eaten or eaten with, at most, a napkin. I was cooking and baking in
someone else's house, someone I didn't even know that well. (I was old
friends with one of the couple, not the other.) We didn't want to spend
the party time running around throwing away plastic forks and plates,
and we especially didn't want to have to do much more than vaccuum in
the morning.


Then even more guests arrived, people we didn't know at all. It was a
tizzy, fun, but a tizzy. There I was greeting and entertaining in a
house that's not mine, co-hostess with someone I'd just met, with more
guests than could fit. Every available table and shelf space was filled
with attractive platters of cookies and sliced cakes. And into this
tizzy, some kind soul walked in with a huge punch bowl of chocolate
pudding. In my memory, it was even larger than a punch bowl. It came
with two serving spoons.


So what did we do? We moved some things aside, put it on a table, and
did nothing in the direction of spoons or bowls. Nothing. The guests
found cocktail napkins, ate heartily of the cookies, bars, and sliced
cakes, noticed the pudding, and didn't go out of their way to eat it.
Some found their way into the kitchen for spoons and bowls, but there
weren't too many in the cabinet.


All in all, the party went very well. I met some nice people, had a
nice time, congratulated myself on being such a good guest that I was
able to cater a party on short notice, and the pudding bringer went home
with a lot of pudding.


--Lia

Wayne Boatwright

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Aug 27, 2008, 8:03:52 AM8/27/08
to
On Wed 27 Aug 2008 01:30:58a, Giusi told us...

Grateful... And I would probably annouce to my guests that said friend has
graciously brought along some curry and would anyone like to have some.

--
Wayne Boatwright

*******************************************
Date: Wednesday, 08(VIII)/27(XXVII)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Labor Day
4dys 18hrs 59mins
*******************************************
Thirty-nine is a nice age for a man,
especially if he's over 40
*******************************************

Giusi

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Aug 27, 2008, 7:40:17 AM8/27/08
to
"Billy" <Hereiam@hotmaildotcom> ha scritto nel messaggio
news:adeab4ldrrgaraviv...@4ax.com...
So she got your message that you don't trust her to feed you! Why didn't
you ask first, can I ask?


Message has been deleted

Vilco

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Aug 27, 2008, 8:17:36 AM8/27/08
to
Wayne Boatwright wrote:

>> So how do you feel? Of you are serving a Mexican meal or a Swiss
>> raclette, how would you feel about someone showing up with a curry?

> Grateful... And I would probably annouce to my guests that said
> friend has graciously brought along some curry and would anyone like
> to have some.

Same for me. It never occurred to me, anyway, my friends are way too lazy to
bring something ;)
--
Vilco
Mai guardare Trailer park Boys senza
qualcosa da bere a portata di mano


Nancy Young

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Aug 27, 2008, 8:37:39 AM8/27/08
to

"Wayne Boatwright" <waynebo...@gmail.com> wrote

> On Wed 27 Aug 2008 01:30:58a, Giusi told us...

>> So how do you feel? Of you are serving a Mexican meal or a Swiss


>> raclette, how would you feel about someone showing up with a curry?
>
> Grateful... And I would probably annouce to my guests that said friend
> has
> graciously brought along some curry and would anyone like to have some.

I know it was an example, but no one had better show up at my
house with curry.

Oh, thank you, how thoughtful! I'll set up a place setting on the
patio outside where you can enjoy it and I don't have to smell
it. (laugh)

nancy

Billy

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Aug 27, 2008, 8:45:35 AM8/27/08
to
On Wed, 27 Aug 2008 13:40:17 +0200, "Giusi" <decob...@yahoo.com>
wrote:

>So she got your message that you don't trust her to feed you! Why didn't
>you ask first, can I ask?

Being a gracious host is just about as important as being a gracious
guest.

LIke I said.....it never happened again.

Wayne Boatwright

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Aug 27, 2008, 8:54:39 AM8/27/08
to
On Wed 27 Aug 2008 05:37:39a, Nancy Young told us...

Curry...love it or hate it! :-) Personally, I've never met a curry I
didn't like. I'll sit on the patio. :-)

--
Wayne Boatwright

*******************************************
Date: Wednesday, 08(VIII)/27(XXVII)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Labor Day

4dys 18hrs 7mins
*******************************************
'There is no snooze button on a cat
who wants breakfast.' Unknown
*******************************************

Melba's Jammin'

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Aug 27, 2008, 9:18:37 AM8/27/08
to
In article <6hkhmaF...@mid.individual.net>,
"Giusi" <decob...@yahoo.com> wrote:

I would hope that I had a suitable container into which the dish could
be transferred and room in the refrigerator for storage for enjoyment at
a later time. And I'd be muttering to myself about not needing that
distraction while I was washing the donor's container so it could go
home the same evening. That's how I'd feel.

There are some people whose last words will be, "I don't think people
are required to bring anything to the party, but that's how I am. I
don't go to someone's home, especially for the first time....empty
handed."

Please, come to my home empty handed. You want to make me happy to see
you, bring me some flowers or a box of Frango mints, but don't bring
your favorite dessert. And if you've asked if you may, been told no,
thank you, and you were kind to offer, and you do it anyway, shame on
you.
--
-Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
http://web.mac.com/barbschaller, blahblahblog is back and
most recently updated last night, 8-17-2008. Fair entries are DONE!

Serene Vannoy

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Aug 27, 2008, 9:22:44 AM8/27/08
to

I would thank them and put it in the fridge. If they said anything, I
might politely offer to send it home with them.

If it's dessert, on the other hand, I might or might not serve it. I
don't always bother with dessert myself.

(This trend of people assuming everything's a potluck is not my favorite
trend. I've even taken to saying on the invitation "This is not a potluck.")

Serene

--
"I am an agnostic only to the extent that I am agnostic about fairies at
the bottom of the garden." -- Richard Dawkins

Giusi

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Aug 27, 2008, 9:23:43 AM8/27/08
to
"Melba's Jammin'" <barbsc...@earthlink.net> ha scritto nel messaggio
news:barbschaller-0501...@news.iphouse.com...

Sisters under the skin. Sometimes you have to reset the table to serve
things that just appear. My kitchen is small, but no one's is big enough to
always accomodate serving an unplanned course.


Serene Vannoy

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Aug 27, 2008, 9:24:47 AM8/27/08
to

Good. She obviously WAS a gracious host -- she did her best to serve you
dinner, complete with rolls and dessert. That you look down your nose at
her choices in those departments isn't a reflection on her, but on you.

The Ranger

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Aug 27, 2008, 9:54:57 AM8/27/08
to
Giusi <decob...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:6hkhmaF...@mid.individual.net...

> I have been reading about people liking to bring food to
> parties, and when it is that kind of party, I think that's
> great: to offer. What I don't get is when host says no
> and the guest brings food anyway.

Luckily, I've only had it happen a couple of times. Each time,
I graciously thanked the person and added it to the spread.
Sometimes the proffered dish fit the theme, sometimes it
didn't. Both times I had the leftovers the following day for
lunch.

The Ranger


Message has been deleted
Message has been deleted

Wayne Boatwright

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Aug 27, 2008, 10:30:48 AM8/27/08
to
On Wed 27 Aug 2008 05:37:39a, Nancy Young told us...

>

Curry...love it or hate it! :-) Personally, I've never met a curry I

didn't like. I'll sit on the patio. :-)

--
Wayne Boatwright

*******************************************
Date: Wednesday, 08(VIII)/27(XXVII)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Labor Day

ChattyCathy

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Aug 27, 2008, 10:44:53 AM8/27/08
to
Wayne Boatwright wrote:

> On Wed 27 Aug 2008 05:37:39a, Nancy Young told us...

>>

>> I know it was an example, but no one had better show up at my
>> house with curry.
>>
>> Oh, thank you, how thoughtful! I'll set up a place setting on the
>> patio outside where you can enjoy it and I don't have to smell
>> it. (laugh)
>>
>> nancy
>>
>>
>
> Curry...love it or hate it! :-) Personally, I've never met a curry I
> didn't like. I'll sit on the patio. :-)
>

Keep some for me ;-) I especially like Thai curries, but any curry will
do.

blake murphy

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Aug 27, 2008, 10:52:32 AM8/27/08
to
On Wed, 27 Aug 2008 10:30:58 +0200, Giusi wrote:

> I have been reading about people liking to bring food to parties, and when
> it is that kind of party, I think that's great: to offer. What I don't get
> is when host says no and the guest brings food anyway.
>
> When I plan a dinner I plan a menu of foods and flavors that go together.
> If you show up with something off plan I will not be grateful. Even Miss
> Manners says a host is under no obligation to serve things you show up with.
>

this is a good point, with particular reference to wine.

of course, miss manners has more (and better behaved) guests than i do.

your pal,
blake

blake murphy

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Aug 27, 2008, 10:55:42 AM8/27/08
to
On Wed, 27 Aug 2008 12:16:27 +0200, ChattyCathy wrote:
>
> If it was a good friend (or family member) you might say, "John/Joan, I
> thought I *told* you not to bring any food? I've already got enough
> here to feed an army. You know I love your curry, but we're having
> Mexican tonight, or didn't I mention that when I invited you? But this
> will come in very handy for tomorrow or the next day, so thanks very
> much." ;-)
>
> OTOH, if it's a 'business' dinner and the Boss brings something that you
> didn't ask for, it might be wise to thank him/her politely and put it
> on the table with the other stuff, because to refuse could be a severe
> Career Limiting Move, IMHO. <very evil grin>

does 'having the boss over for dinner' ever really happen outside of
fifties sitcoms and comic strips? today, i'd guess fucking the boss is
more common.

your pal,
blake

blake murphy

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Aug 27, 2008, 10:58:06 AM8/27/08
to

i would say that's her privilege.

your pal,
blake

Wayne Boatwright

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Aug 27, 2008, 11:02:21 AM8/27/08
to
On Wed 27 Aug 2008 07:44:53a, ChattyCathy told us...

> Wayne Boatwright wrote:
>
>> On Wed 27 Aug 2008 05:37:39a, Nancy Young told us...
>
>>>
>>> I know it was an example, but no one had better show up at my
>>> house with curry.
>>>
>>> Oh, thank you, how thoughtful! I'll set up a place setting on the
>>> patio outside where you can enjoy it and I don't have to smell
>>> it. (laugh)
>>>
>>> nancy
>>>
>>>
>>
>> Curry...love it or hate it! :-) Personally, I've never met a curry I
>> didn't like. I'll sit on the patio. :-)
>>
> Keep some for me ;-) I especially like Thai curries, but any curry will
> do.
>

We can have our own little curry party on Nancy's patio!

--
Wayne Boatwright

*******************************************
Date: Wednesday, 08(VIII)/27(XXVII)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Labor Day

4dys 15hrs 59mins
*******************************************
Taxes still too low? Vote democrat in 2000
*******************************************

Wayne Boatwright

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Aug 27, 2008, 11:10:25 AM8/27/08
to
On Wed 27 Aug 2008 07:52:32a, blake murphy told us...

I sometimes wonder of Miss Manners ever actually has guests.

--
Wayne Boatwright

*******************************************
Date: Wednesday, 08(VIII)/27(XXVII)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Labor Day

4dys 15hrs 50mins
*******************************************
'...the fog is rising' - Emily
Dickinson's last words
*******************************************

Wayne Boatwright

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Aug 27, 2008, 11:11:18 AM8/27/08
to
On Wed 27 Aug 2008 07:55:42a, blake murphy told us...

Shades of "Mad Men"..

--
Wayne Boatwright

*******************************************
Date: Wednesday, 08(VIII)/27(XXVII)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Labor Day

4dys 15hrs 49mins
*******************************************
[incredibly rude and childish comments
deleted]
*******************************************

Wayne Boatwright

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Aug 27, 2008, 11:13:21 AM8/27/08
to
On Wed 27 Aug 2008 07:58:06a, blake murphy told us...

If I had the hostess' lack of baking skills, I would have more than
welcomed some nice fresh-baked homemade rolls to serve instead of the brown
and serve rolls she bought.

Message has been deleted

Wayne Boatwright

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Aug 27, 2008, 11:31:05 AM8/27/08
to
On Wed 27 Aug 2008 08:15:00a, Michael "Dog3" told us...

> Wayne Boatwright <waynebo...@gmail.com>
> news:Xns9B0751C768F97wa...@69.16.185.247: in
> rec.food.cooking


>
>> On Wed 27 Aug 2008 07:44:53a, ChattyCathy told us...
>>
>>> Wayne Boatwright wrote:
>>>
>>>> On Wed 27 Aug 2008 05:37:39a, Nancy Young told us...
>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> I know it was an example, but no one had better show up at my
>>>>> house with curry.
>>>>>
>>>>> Oh, thank you, how thoughtful! I'll set up a place setting on the
>>>>> patio outside where you can enjoy it and I don't have to smell
>>>>> it. (laugh)
>>>>>
>>>>> nancy
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Curry...love it or hate it! :-) Personally, I've never met a curry I
>>>> didn't like. I'll sit on the patio. :-)
>>>>
>>> Keep some for me ;-) I especially like Thai curries, but any curry
> will
>>> do.
>>>
>>
>> We can have our own little curry party on Nancy's patio!
>

> I'll send Steven over. He love anything with curry. He'll bring his
> chicken curry dish ;)
>
> Michael
>
>
>

You don't like curry, Michael? You'll have to eat inside with Nancy. :-)

--
Wayne Boatwright

*******************************************
Date: Wednesday, 08(VIII)/27(XXVII)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Labor Day

4dys 15hrs 30mins
*******************************************
I've seen the future and I leave it
all behind
*******************************************

ChattyCathy

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Aug 27, 2008, 11:37:22 AM8/27/08
to
blake murphy wrote:

<snork>

Actually I do know a woman who invites her hubby's Boss and spouse for
dinner, in fact she usually invites the whole Board of Directors and
their spouses. She's a great cook, BTW, she had formal training at some
fancy cooking school in Europe.

However, I am not sure whether she was ever in Giusi's situation though,
where she had to fend off unwanted food at these dinner parties. I
sincerely doubt it. That's why I said it depends on who the 'someone'
is. I can't really see it happening with folks that you don't know well
enough to say "thanks, but I'll keep it until tomorrow" to without
offending them, unless that 'someone' brings along another someone that
you don't know from Adam, and that other 'someone' brings something you
didn't ask for. But that's another saga...

Julia Altshuler

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Aug 27, 2008, 11:36:37 AM8/27/08
to
Giusi wrote:
> I have been reading about people liking to bring food to parties, and when
> it is that kind of party, I think that's great: to offer. What I don't get
> is when host says no and the guest brings food anyway.
>
> When I plan a dinner I plan a menu of foods and flavors that go together.
> If you show up with something off plan I will not be grateful. Even Miss
> Manners says a host is under no obligation to serve things you show up with.
>
> So how do you feel? Of you are serving a Mexican meal or a Swiss raclette,
> how would you feel about someone showing up with a curry?


I always love these scenario based etiquette threads, and I'm always
left with more questions after I've gotten everyone's answers. The
scenario is usually a general question with none of the details filled
in. Before I could answer, I would want to know:


How well do I know the guests?
How well do they cook?
How many people am I expecting?
How formal or informal is the dinner?
Why did the guests bring food? Was it because health or fussiness
reasons left them unsure if there would be anything they could eat?
Was it because they didn't quite believe me when I said not to bring
anything?


Around here, parties tend to be informal. At the most, it might be 2
other couples, and I'm likely to have known them for years. If they
showed up with curry when I'm serving Mexican, I'd put the dish on the
table immediately.


It's hard for me to imagine entertaining heads of state in a black tie
affair, but yeah, if someone showed up with curry at something like
that, I'd wonder about them and put the out-of-place dish in the other room.


I have a dear friend who's very generous and not the best cook. She's
also a little crazy in the way she has trouble accepting a favor. I've
come to accept this about her. I have such a good time with her in
every other way that I've gotten into the habit of nodding while she
goes off apologizing for nothing or thanking me over and over for the
tiniest of favors. I'd prefer doing all the cooking. That's whether
we're at my house or at hers. But she feels like she's in my debt and
brings something after I've told her that nothing is necessary. If I
tried to turn it down, I'd hurt her feelings. So I don't turn it down.
I put it on the table.


Since the time I've known her, she's gotten into Weight Watchers,
learned a lot about cooking, and I've now enjoyed some dinners at her
house that were wonderful. She's also been known to bring her own
yogurt based salad dressings that weren't too bad, though I prefer my own.


--Lia

Nancy Young

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Aug 27, 2008, 11:53:00 AM8/27/08
to

"Wayne Boatwright" <waynebo...@gmail.com> wrote

> On Wed 27 Aug 2008 07:44:53a, ChattyCathy told us...
>
>> Wayne Boatwright wrote:
>>
>>> On Wed 27 Aug 2008 05:37:39a, Nancy Young told us...
>>
>>>>
>>>> I know it was an example, but no one had better show up at my
>>>> house with curry.
>>>>
>>>> Oh, thank you, how thoughtful! I'll set up a place setting on the
>>>> patio outside where you can enjoy it and I don't have to smell
>>>> it. (laugh)

>>> Curry...love it or hate it! :-) Personally, I've never met a curry I


>>> didn't like. I'll sit on the patio. :-)
>>>
>> Keep some for me ;-) I especially like Thai curries, but any curry will
>> do.

> We can have our own little curry party on Nancy's patio!

Come on over:

http://i37.tinypic.com/ju8l03.jpg

Bring your suits ... the neighbors have small children.

nancy

Wayne Boatwright

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Aug 27, 2008, 12:21:11 PM8/27/08
to
On Wed 27 Aug 2008 08:53:00a, Nancy Young told us...

It's really lovely, Mancy. BTW, are they small enough to roast?

--
Wayne Boatwright

*******************************************
Date: Wednesday, 08(VIII)/27(XXVII)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Labor Day

4dys 14hrs 40mins
*******************************************
Revolutionary: Disk drives go round
and round.
*******************************************

Nancy Young

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Aug 27, 2008, 12:32:44 PM8/27/08
to

"Wayne Boatwright" <waynebo...@gmail.com> wrote

> On Wed 27 Aug 2008 08:53:00a, Nancy Young told us...

>> "Wayne Boatwright" <waynebo...@gmail.com> wrote
>>
>>> On Wed 27 Aug 2008 07:44:53a, ChattyCathy told us...
>>>
>>>> Wayne Boatwright wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> On Wed 27 Aug 2008 05:37:39a, Nancy Young told us...
>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> I know it was an example, but no one had better show up at my
>>>>>> house with curry.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Oh, thank you, how thoughtful! I'll set up a place setting on the
>>>>>> patio outside where you can enjoy it and I don't have to smell
>>>>>> it. (laugh)
>>
>>>>> Curry...love it or hate it! :-) Personally, I've never met a curry I
>>>>> didn't like. I'll sit on the patio. :-)
>>>>>
>>>> Keep some for me ;-) I especially like Thai curries, but any curry will
>>>> do.
>>
>>> We can have our own little curry party on Nancy's patio!
>>
>> Come on over:
>>
>> http://i37.tinypic.com/ju8l03.jpg
>>
>> Bring your suits ... the neighbors have small children.

> It's really lovely, Mancy. BTW, are they small enough to roast?

(laugh) Nah, they've gotten big enough to fight back.

nancy

Peter

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Aug 27, 2008, 12:38:17 PM8/27/08
to

"Wayne Boatwright" <waynebo...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:Xns9B073384A6B89wa...@69.16.185.250...

> On Wed 27 Aug 2008 01:30:58a, Giusi told us...
>
>> I have been reading about people liking to bring food to parties, and
>> when it is that kind of party, I think that's great: to offer. What I
>> don't get is when host says no and the guest brings food anyway.
>>
>> When I plan a dinner I plan a menu of foods and flavors that go
>> together. If you show up with something off plan I will not be grateful.
>> Even Miss Manners says a host is under no obligation to serve things
>> you show up with.
>>
>> So how do you feel? Of you are serving a Mexican meal or a Swiss
>> raclette, how would you feel about someone showing up with a curry?
>
> Grateful... And I would probably annouce to my guests that said friend
> has
> graciously brought along some curry and would anyone like to have some.
>
> --
> Wayne Boatwright


I agree, Wayne. We're not so snobbish that we would scoff at something that
didn't pair well with the wine, nobody cares, atleast not my friends. More
flavours, 'more better'. We all like food, but like like the company better
and don't fret over such things.

We will even drink red with chicken if thats what happens to show up and it
somehow happens to get corked... oh the horror of generous guests!


Edwin Pawlowski

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 12:49:21 PM8/27/08
to

"Julia Altshuler" <jalts...@comcast.net> wrote in message

> Before I could answer, I would want to know:
>
>
> How well do I know the guests?
> How well do they cook?
> How many people am I expecting?
> How formal or informal is the dinner?
> Why did the guests bring food? Was it because health or fussiness reasons
> left them unsure if there would be anything they could eat?
> Was it because they didn't quite believe me when I said not to bring
> anything?

Important questions. They do make a difference in what, if anything, should
be done or expected.

We often have some of our good friends for dinner or we go there and it is
common to being something as part of the meal. OTOH, for a more formal
dinner party, bring nothing. Dinner parties are a social gathering, but
also a time to show off your culinary expertise also.


Ophelia

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 12:50:45 PM8/27/08
to
Michael "Dog3" wrote:
> We were having a casual BBQ for about 15 a couple of years ago. It
> was made clear that the guests should bring nothing. One couple that
> had never been to our house brought a big bag of salted peanuts in
> the shell. They said they didn't want to come empty handed. Well, it
> worked out well. I threw them in a big bowl and people munched on
> them all night.

Salted peanuts *in* the shell? How do you salt them if they are still in
the shell.

O who has never heard of such wonderments:)

--
Real friendship is shown in times of trouble;
prosperity is full of friends.
* Euripedes


Ophelia

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 12:48:57 PM8/27/08
to
Melba's Jammin' wrote:
> I would hope that I had a suitable container into which the dish could
> be transferred and room in the refrigerator for storage for enjoyment
> at a later time. And I'd be muttering to myself about not needing
> that distraction while I was washing the donor's container so it
> could go home the same evening. That's how I'd feel.

Why? I would have put the curry, with the container, into my fridge. It
would be her lookout how she gets her dish back!


>
> There are some people whose last words will be, "I don't think people
> are required to bring anything to the party, but that's how I am. I
> don't go to someone's home, especially for the first time....empty
> handed."
>
> Please, come to my home empty handed. You want to make me happy to
> see you, bring me some flowers or a box of Frango mints,

Much better idea:)

but don't
> bring your favorite dessert. And if you've asked if you may, been
> told no, thank you, and you were kind to offer, and you do it anyway,
> shame on you.

--

Greg Esres

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 12:56:54 PM8/27/08
to
<<Even Miss Manners says a host is under no obligation to serve things
you show up with.>>

For goodness' sake, be kind to your friends. Just because you have no
"obligation" to serve it, doesn't mean you need to assert your
rights. It seems a misordering of priorities to care more about a
party theme than your friends.

Wayne Boatwright

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 1:03:22 PM8/27/08
to
On Wed 27 Aug 2008 09:32:44a, Nancy Young told us...

Oh darn! If there was a struggle, it might make the meat tough. :-)

--
Wayne Boatwright

*******************************************
Date: Wednesday, 08(VIII)/27(XXVII)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Labor Day

4dys 13hrs 58mins
*******************************************
Never go up against a Sicilian when
death's on the line!
*******************************************

Wayne Boatwright

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 1:04:35 PM8/27/08
to
On Wed 27 Aug 2008 09:38:17a, Peter told us...

>
> "Wayne Boatwright" <waynebo...@gmail.com> wrote in message
> news:Xns9B073384A6B89wa...@69.16.185.250...
>> On Wed 27 Aug 2008 01:30:58a, Giusi told us...
>>
>>> I have been reading about people liking to bring food to parties, and
>>> when it is that kind of party, I think that's great: to offer. What I
>>> don't get is when host says no and the guest brings food anyway.
>>>
>>> When I plan a dinner I plan a menu of foods and flavors that go
>>> together. If you show up with something off plan I will not be
>>> grateful.
>>> Even Miss Manners says a host is under no obligation to serve things
>>> you show up with.
>>>
>>> So how do you feel? Of you are serving a Mexican meal or a Swiss
>>> raclette, how would you feel about someone showing up with a curry?
>>
>> Grateful... And I would probably annouce to my guests that said friend
>> has
>> graciously brought along some curry and would anyone like to have some.
>>
>> --
>> Wayne Boatwright
>
>
> I agree, Wayne. We're not so snobbish that we would scoff at something
> that didn't pair well with the wine, nobody cares, atleast not my
> friends. More flavours, 'more better'. We all like food, but like like
> the company better and don't fret over such things.

Exactly so, Ed.

> We will even drink red with chicken if thats what happens to show up and
> it somehow happens to get corked... oh the horror of generous guests!

That, too.

--
Wayne Boatwright

*******************************************
Date: Wednesday, 08(VIII)/27(XXVII)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Labor Day

4dys 13hrs 56mins
*******************************************
If you only want to go 500 miles, can
you begin with a halfstep?
*******************************************

John Kane

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 1:09:10 PM8/27/08
to
On Aug 27, 4:30 am, "Giusi" <decobabe...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> I have been reading about people liking to bring food to parties, and when
> it is that kind of party, I think that's great: to offer.  What I don't get
> is when host says no and the guest brings food anyway.
>
> When I plan a dinner I plan a menu of foods and flavors that go together.
> If you show up with something off plan I will not be grateful.  Even Miss
> Manners says a host is under no obligation to serve things you show up with.
>
> So how do you feel?  Of you are serving a Mexican meal or a Swiss raclette,
> how would you feel about someone showing up with a curry?
> --http://www.judithgreenwood.com

I't think your guest was not firing on all cylinders. In fact, under
normal circumstanaces I'd be insulted that someone thought I was not
able to provide the meal if I had issued the invitation.

John Kane Kingston ON Canada

John Kane

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 1:10:49 PM8/27/08
to
On Aug 27, 7:40 am, "Giusi" <decobabe...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> "Billy" <Hereiam@hotmaildotcom> ha scritto nel messaggionews:adeab4ldrrgaraviv...@4ax.com...
>
>
>
> > On Wed, 27 Aug 2008 06:42:53 -0400, Stan Horwitz <s...@temple.edu>

> > wrote:
>
> >>I have never had that happen, although I don't entertain at home a lot
> >>and that situation has never come up. I would just put the unexpected
> >>food away for another meal and thank the person who brought it.
>
> > I had been invited to a good friends house that was an excellent cook.
> > The finest of everything, wine, ingredients, etc.   Her failure was
> > baking.
>
> > I just baked some of the finest snowflake rolls and arrived with them
> > hot from the oven.    She was gracious and said thank you.   Then she
> > proceeded to put her Hostess brown and serve rolls on the table.   I
> > haven't bothered taking anything again.
>
> > Oh...and a store apple pie finished the meal.
>
> So she got your message that you don't trust her to feed you!  

My thought too.

John Kane

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 1:15:02 PM8/27/08
to
On Aug 27, 11:10 am, Wayne Boatwright <wayneboatwri...@gmail.com>
wrote:

> On Wed 27 Aug 2008 07:52:32a, blake murphy told us...
>
>
>
>
>
> > On Wed, 27 Aug 2008 10:30:58 +0200, Giusi wrote:
>
> >> I have been reading about people liking to bring food to parties, and
> >> when it is that kind of party, I think that's great: to offer.  What I
> >> don't get is when host says no and the guest brings food anyway.
>
> >> When I plan a dinner I plan a menu of foods and flavors that go
> >> together. If you show up with something off plan I will not be
> >> grateful.  Even Miss Manners says a host is under no obligation to
> >> serve things you show up with.
>
> > this is a good point, with particular reference to wine.
>
> > of course, miss manners has more (and better behaved) guests than i do.
>
> > your pal,
> > blake
>
> I sometimes wonder of Miss Manners ever actually has guests.

Would you have enough nerve to be her dinner guest? Being interogated
in Guantanamo sounds like a better option.

Wayne Boatwright

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 1:17:40 PM8/27/08
to
On Wed 27 Aug 2008 10:15:02a, John Kane told us...

I'd probably have better luck with Queen Elizabeth II. :-) At least I
understand royal protocol.

--
Wayne Boatwright

*******************************************
Date: Wednesday, 08(VIII)/27(XXVII)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Labor Day

4dys 13hrs 44mins
*******************************************
No man should marry until he has
studied anatomy and dissected at least
one woman. (Honor‚ de Balzac)

Janis

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 1:30:57 PM8/27/08
to
On Wed, 27 Aug 2008 13:09:10 -0400, John Kane wrote
(in article
<bdedb213-dd99-4f2f...@k37g2000hsf.googlegroups.com>):
Oh pleazzzzzze. I can't believe that it is even an issue. If this is the
biggest problem in life that someone brought something to my dinner party
that I didn't want nor ask for, life would be grand. I think that if someone
brings something unexpected you can deal with it. I mean if egos are THAT
fragile that we have to prove that WE are the CHEFs damnit, then it isn't the
guests problem.

J.

Steve Pope

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 1:32:50 PM8/27/08
to
Giusi <decob...@yahoo.com> wrote:

>I have been reading about people liking to bring food to parties, and when
>it is that kind of party, I think that's great: to offer. What I don't get
>is when host says no and the guest brings food anyway.

I don't get this either but I see it all the time.

It's acceptable to bring something shelf-stable, such as
a box of chocolates, under these circumstances -- the hose
can set it aside somewhere. Or of course wine or spirits.
Beer is a bit of a nuisance, it needs to go into the
refrigerator and someone might drink it.

But bringing perishable food, say a salad, is wrong if one
is asked not to bring food. Should be obvious.

Steve

Wayne Boatwright

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 1:37:08 PM8/27/08
to
On Wed 27 Aug 2008 10:30:57a, Janis told us...

> On Wed, 27 Aug 2008 13:09:10 -0400, John Kane wrote
> (in article
> <bdedb213-dd99-4f2f...@k37g2000hsf.googlegroups.com>):
> Oh pleazzzzzze. I can't believe that it is even an issue. If this is
> the biggest problem in life that someone brought something to my dinner
> party that I didn't want nor ask for, life would be grand. I think that
> if someone brings something unexpected you can deal with it. I mean if
> egos are THAT fragile that we have to prove that WE are the CHEFs
> damnit, then it isn't the guests problem.
>
> J.

I wholeheartedly agree!

>
>> On Aug 27, 4:30 am, "Giusi" <decobabe...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>>> I have been reading about people liking to bring food to parties, and
>>> when it is that kind of party, I think that's great: to offer.  What I
>>> don't get is when host says no and the guest brings food anyway.
>>>
>>> When I plan a dinner I plan a menu of foods and flavors that go
>>> together. If you show up with something off plan I will not be
>>> grateful.  Even Miss Manners says a host is under no obligation to
>>> serve things you show up with.
>>>
>>> So how do you feel?  Of you are serving a Mexican meal or a Swiss
>>> raclette, how would you feel about someone showing up with a curry?
>>> --http://www.judithgreenwood.com
>>
>> I't think your guest was not firing on all cylinders. In fact, under
>> normal circumstanaces I'd be insulted that someone thought I was not
>> able to provide the meal if I had issued the invitation.
>>
>> John Kane Kingston ON Canada
>
>
>

--
Wayne Boatwright

*******************************************
Date: Wednesday, 08(VIII)/27(XXVII)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Labor Day

4dys 13hrs 24mins
*******************************************
The lion and the calf shall lie down
together but the calf won't get much
sleep. (Woody Allen)

sueb

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 1:38:38 PM8/27/08
to
On Aug 27, 7:55 am, blake murphy <blakepmNOTT...@verizon.net> wrote:
> On Wed, 27 Aug 2008 12:16:27 +0200, ChattyCathy wrote:
>
> > If it was a good friend (or family member) you might say, "John/Joan, I
> > thought I *told* you not to bring any food? I've already got enough
> > here to feed an army. You know I love your curry, but we're having
> > Mexican tonight, or didn't I mention that when I invited you? But this
> > will come in very handy for tomorrow or the next day, so thanks very
> > much."  ;-)
>
> > OTOH, if it's a 'business' dinner and the Boss brings something that you
> > didn't ask for, it might be wise to thank him/her politely and put it
> > on the table with the other stuff, because to refuse could be a severe
> > Career Limiting Move, IMHO. <very evil grin>
>
> does 'having the boss over for dinner' ever really happen outside of
> fifties sitcoms and comic strips?  today, i'd guess fucking the boss is
> more common.
>
> your pal,
> blake

Speaking as a boss - neither seems to be very common these days.

Susan B.

Wayne Boatwright

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 1:39:11 PM8/27/08
to
On Wed 27 Aug 2008 10:09:10a, John Kane told us...

I doubt seriously that the thought of your not being able to privde the
meal was at all in the mind of the guest. Whatever someone might bring, it
is a gesture of thanks and generosity.

It seems too many people are horses that are way too high.

> John Kane Kingston ON Canada
>

--
Wayne Boatwright

*******************************************
Date: Wednesday, 08(VIII)/27(XXVII)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Labor Day

4dys 13hrs 23mins
*******************************************
All the world's a stage, and I missed
rehearsal.
*******************************************

Julia Altshuler

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 1:54:14 PM8/27/08
to
Peter wrote:
>
> We will even drink red with chicken if that's what happens to show up and it
> somehow happens to get corked... oh the horror of generous guests!


There it is again. "Corked" to mean bottle of wine opened, as in cork
removed.


Until a few weeks ago, "corked" always meant spoiled to me, as in a
chemical process having to do with the cork making the wine unpalateable.


(Google isn't working for me, or I'd find a quick explanation of the
chemical process and point y'all to it. Alas, I'm googleless until the
resident computer wizard comes to my rescue.


Words change. Language changes. As much as I like to stick to the old
ways, I'm willing to update my usage.


--Lia


Steve Pope

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Aug 27, 2008, 1:58:11 PM8/27/08
to
Julia Altshuler <jalts...@comcast.net> wrote:

>Until a few weeks ago, "corked" always meant spoiled to me, as in a
>chemical process having to do with the cork making the wine unpalateable.

That's what it means, and I've been a wine lover for decades
and have never been able to figure out what, exactly, people
might be talking about when they say a wine is corked.
Does it mean the wine has oxidized or lost fill? Is
it an off flavor, if so is it any off flavor, or stemming
from some particular process? The claims are one in fifty,
or one in twenty wines are corked. If so, I've drunk a
fair number of them; which ones were they, and what did
they taste like?

Consistent information is lacking.

Steve

Peter

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 2:04:04 PM8/27/08
to

"Wayne Boatwright" <waynebo...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:Xns9B076C05E1124wa...@69.16.185.247...

> On Wed 27 Aug 2008 10:30:57a, Janis told us...
>
>> On Wed, 27 Aug 2008 13:09:10 -0400, John Kane wrote
>> (in article
>> <bdedb213-dd99-4f2f...@k37g2000hsf.googlegroups.com>):
>> Oh pleazzzzzze. I can't believe that it is even an issue. If this is
>> the biggest problem in life that someone brought something to my dinner
>> party that I didn't want nor ask for, life would be grand. I think that
>> if someone brings something unexpected you can deal with it. I mean if
>> egos are THAT fragile that we have to prove that WE are the CHEFs
>> damnit, then it isn't the guests problem.
>>
>> J.
>
> I wholeheartedly agree!
>

Count me on that vote.


Peter

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 2:07:02 PM8/27/08
to

"Julia Altshuler" <jalts...@comcast.net> wrote in message
news:iNGdnRl83NBbCSjV...@comcast.com...


Lia, you are likely right, I'm not a wine person and I probably termed it
wrong. I guess saying 'popped the cork' or simply 'opened a bottle' would
be better.

Maybe there is a wine snob terminology list I can look at inbetween fighting
the "BBQ'ing vs Grilling" terms war ;-)

Edwin Pawlowski

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 2:08:07 PM8/27/08
to

"Janis" <ja...@earthlink.net> wrote in message
news:0001HW.C4DB0791...@news.motzarella.org...

> On Wed, 27 Aug 2008 13:09:10 -0400, John Kane wrote
> (in article
> <bdedb213-dd99-4f2f...@k37g2000hsf.googlegroups.com>):
> Oh pleazzzzzze. I can't believe that it is even an issue. If this is the
> biggest problem in life that someone brought something to my dinner party
> that I didn't want nor ask for, life would be grand. I think that if
> someone
> brings something unexpected you can deal with it. I mean if egos are THAT
> fragile that we have to prove that WE are the CHEFs damnit, then it isn't
> the
> guests problem.
>
> J.

I think a better plan is to make an example of the offending guest. Shackle
them to the front step railing as a warning to the next person carrying
food. If you don't like what I'm serving, stay the hell away from my
house. Problem solved.


ChattyCathy

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 2:05:39 PM8/27/08
to
Nancy Young wrote:

>
> Come on over:
>
> http://i37.tinypic.com/ju8l03.jpg
>
> Bring your suits ... the neighbors have small children.
>
> nancy

Looks lovely nancy. Although I haven't put on a bathing suit in years...
Too scared that the water would jump out of the pool in fright if I
did ;-)
--
Cheers
Chatty Cathy

Egg tastes better when it's not on your face...

Janet

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 3:07:30 PM8/27/08
to

"Giusi" <decob...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:6hkhmaF...@mid.individual.net...

>I have been reading about people liking to bring food to parties, and when
>it is that kind of party, I think that's great: to offer. What I don't get
>is when host says no and the guest brings food anyway.
>
> When I plan a dinner I plan a menu of foods and flavors that go together.
> If you show up with something off plan I will not be grateful. Even Miss
> Manners says a host is under no obligation to serve things you show up
> with.
>
> So how do you feel? Of you are serving a Mexican meal or a Swiss
> raclette, how would you feel about someone showing up with a curry?
> --
> http://www.judithgreenwood.com
I have never had this problem.


Peter

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 3:09:16 PM8/27/08
to

"Steve Pope" <spo...@speedymail.org> wrote in message
news:g944jj$1p0$1...@blue.rahul.net...

Maybe, just plain old describing 'it' would work. "This wine tastes
spoiled, I think the cork did not seal properly" or even better, "I can
tell the cork was not sealed properly, this wine is spoiled" ;-)

Graham

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 3:11:03 PM8/27/08
to

IME if a wine is oxidized, it takes on a sherry-like flavour. OTOH cork
taint for any wine will produce a mouldy, dank and musty aroma that
resembles wet cardboard or a mildew-infested basement.
Graham

Janet

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 3:17:07 PM8/27/08
to

"Wayne Boatwright" <waynebo...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:Xns9B0768B8C5C38wa...@69.16.185.247...

To the contrary, Miss Manners is all about making everyone feel comfortable.
Which includes observing certain boundaries regarding personal questions,
monetary requests, and lumbering people with unwanted food then demanding
that they eat it on the spot.


Kathleen

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 3:47:01 PM8/27/08
to
Wayne Boatwright wrote:

> On Wed 27 Aug 2008 07:58:06a, blake murphy told us...
>
>
>>On Wed, 27 Aug 2008 07:25:33 -0400, Billy wrote:
>>
>>
>>>On Wed, 27 Aug 2008 06:42:53 -0400, Stan Horwitz <st...@temple.edu>


>>>wrote:
>>>
>>>
>>>>I have never had that happen, although I don't entertain at home a lot
>>>>and that situation has never come up. I would just put the unexpected
>>>>food away for another meal and thank the person who brought it.
>>>
>>>I had been invited to a good friends house that was an excellent cook.
>>>The finest of everything, wine, ingredients, etc. Her failure was
>>>baking.
>>>
>>>I just baked some of the finest snowflake rolls and arrived with them
>>>hot from the oven. She was gracious and said thank you. Then she
>>>proceeded to put her Hostess brown and serve rolls on the table. I
>>>haven't bothered taking anything again.
>>>
>>>Oh...and a store apple pie finished the meal.
>>

>>i would say that's her privilege.
>>
>>your pal,
>>blake
>>
>
>
> If I had the hostess' lack of baking skills, I would have more than
> welcomed some nice fresh-baked homemade rolls to serve instead of the brown
> and serve rolls she bought.
>

I'd have served both. Homemade baked goods are a treat but some of my
friends and family like those brown-n-serve rolls. They're a childhood
holiday favorite - comfort food.

Thanksgiving just isn't Thanksgiving without redneck rolls.

Wayne Boatwright

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 3:53:25 PM8/27/08
to
On Wed 27 Aug 2008 12:47:01p, Kathleen told us...

> Wayne Boatwright wrote:

>> If I had the hostess' lack of baking skills, I would have more than
>> welcomed some nice fresh-baked homemade rolls to serve instead of the
>> brown and serve rolls she bought.
>>
>
> I'd have served both. Homemade baked goods are a treat but some of my
> friends and family like those brown-n-serve rolls. They're a childhood
> holiday favorite - comfort food.
>
> Thanksgiving just isn't Thanksgiving without redneck rolls.

Funny you should mention that. I've always made homemade rolls, usually
Parker House or cloverleaf rolls, for holidays. That is, until I met my
partner, who insisted we have brown and serve rolls. It was his family's
tradition. Now we have both.

--
Wayne Boatwright

*******************************************
Date: Wednesday, 08(VIII)/27(XXVII)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Labor Day

4dys 11hrs 9mins
*******************************************
Tact is for weenies.
*******************************************

Kathleen

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 4:11:00 PM8/27/08
to
Wayne Boatwright wrote:

While we were in Spain, one optional outing was a trip to a fishing
village near Torremolinos for a seafood feast. Our group was seated at
several large table and the food was served family style - you helped
yourself to whatever looked good. Bottles of both red and white wine
were placed on the tables and were replaced as quickly as they were
finished. The main course was some sort of giant fish (probably
grouper) that had been baked in salt.

Mom, Sis and I were seated next to a pair of Canadian sisters, farmers
who were also dog people, and an anesthesiologist and his wife. By the
end of the evening we were all laughing the way you do when you're in
6th grade and your friend says something that makes milk come out your
nose. Good thing we had a designated driver for the tour bus; everybody
was squiffed.

As we were preparing to leave, one of the Canadian sisters dashed back
to the table, poured the last of the white wine into her glass, topped
it off with the remainder of the red and tossed it back. She rejoined
us as we were boarding the bus, grinned broadly and said, "Waste not,
want not".

Message has been deleted
Message has been deleted

Kathleen

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 4:45:13 PM8/27/08
to
Michael "Dog3" wrote:
> "Ophelia" <Opheilia@nix,co.uk> news:6hlf07F...@mid.individual.net:
> in rec.food.cooking
>
>
>
>>Salted peanuts *in* the shell? How do you salt them if they are still
>>in the shell.
>>
>>O who has never heard of such wonderments:)
>
>
> You are asking the wrong person on that one ;) The bag said salted peanuts
> in the shell. Whole peanuts, like the ones you would pickle.

I think they're boiled or at least soaked in salt water prior to being
roasted.

Wayne Boatwright

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 4:52:30 PM8/27/08
to
On Wed 27 Aug 2008 01:45:13p, Kathleen told us...

Yes, you are right. They are generally boiled in salted water before
roasting. My grandmother used to make these often, as they always raised
some peanuts each year.

--
Wayne Boatwright

*******************************************
Date: Wednesday, 08(VIII)/27(XXVII)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Labor Day

4dys 10hrs 9mins
*******************************************
Computers run on faith, not electrons.
*******************************************

Gloria P

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 4:53:15 PM8/27/08
to
Wayne Boatwright wrote:
> On Wed 27 Aug 2008 07:44:53a, ChattyCathy told us...
>
>> Wayne Boatwright wrote:
>>
>>> On Wed 27 Aug 2008 05:37:39a, Nancy Young told us...
>>>> I know it was an example, but no one had better show up at my
>>>> house with curry.
>>>>
>>>> Oh, thank you, how thoughtful! I'll set up a place setting on the
>>>> patio outside where you can enjoy it and I don't have to smell
>>>> it. (laugh)
>>>>
>>>> nancy
>>>>
>>>>
>>> Curry...love it or hate it! :-) Personally, I've never met a curry I
>>> didn't like. I'll sit on the patio. :-)
>>>
>> Keep some for me ;-) I especially like Thai curries, but any curry will
>> do.
>>
>
> We can have our own little curry party on Nancy's patio!
>


I'll be there!

gloria p

Message has been deleted

Gregory Morrow

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Aug 27, 2008, 5:20:53 PM8/27/08
to

Michael "Dog3" wrote:

> "Giusi" <decob...@yahoo.com> news:6hkhmaF...@mid.individual.net:
> in rec.food.cooking


>
> > I have been reading about people liking to bring food to parties, and
> > when it is that kind of party, I think that's great: to offer. What I
> > don't get is when host says no and the guest brings food anyway.
> >
> > When I plan a dinner I plan a menu of foods and flavors that go
> > together. If you show up with something off plan I will not be
> > grateful. Even Miss Manners says a host is under no obligation to
> > serve things you show up with.
> >
> > So how do you feel? Of you are serving a Mexican meal or a Swiss
> > raclette, how would you feel about someone showing up with a curry?
>

> I personally wouldn't do it unless it was a gift for the host(s). I'd
> explain it was a gift for the host and certainly not expected to be served
> with the party food. Same with wine. I'll sometimes take wine to a
dinner
> or a party and explain that I don't expect it to be served right then
> unless they want to. It is a personal gift to them for throwing a great
> bash.


Flowers or some nice chocolates make a nice hostess gift, too...

I won't' take food to a 'do' unless the host specifically asks (and besides
I'll also always ask). Sometimes there is a set menu and so additional food
is not needed or desired...


--
Best
Greg

Gregory Morrow

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 5:23:44 PM8/27/08
to

blake murphy wrote:

> On Wed, 27 Aug 2008 10:30:58 +0200, Giusi wrote:
>

> > I have been reading about people liking to bring food to parties, and
when
> > it is that kind of party, I think that's great: to offer. What I don't
get
> > is when host says no and the guest brings food anyway.
> >
> > When I plan a dinner I plan a menu of foods and flavors that go
together.
> > If you show up with something off plan I will not be grateful. Even
Miss
> > Manners says a host is under no obligation to serve things you show up
with.
> >
>

> this is a good point, with particular reference to wine.
>
> of course, miss manners has more (and better behaved) guests than i do.
>


I remember seeing Miss Manner's house in Georgetown about a decade ago and
her yard was 'messy'...


--
Best
Greg


Goomba

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 5:18:45 PM8/27/08
to

Your first example is okay because you've gifted the host or hostess
with something they're not expected to serve, and it is intended for
their enjoyment in the days to come. It is a hostess gift, not something
intended for the current meal everyone has assembled for.

Wayne Boatwright

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 5:24:51 PM8/27/08
to
On Wed 27 Aug 2008 01:53:15p, Gloria P told us...

Great!

--
Wayne Boatwright

*******************************************
Date: Wednesday, 08(VIII)/27(XXVII)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Labor Day

4dys 9hrs 36mins
*******************************************
Kindly practice beautiful acts of
senseless randomness!
*******************************************

Goomba

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 5:24:52 PM8/27/08
to
Peter wrote:

> Lia, you are likely right, I'm not a wine person and I probably termed it
> wrong. I guess saying 'popped the cork' or simply 'opened a bottle' would
> be better.
>

Wouldn't "de-corked" be what you do when you remove the cork?

Peter

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 5:53:43 PM8/27/08
to

"Goomba" <Goom...@comcast.net> wrote in message
news:6hlv15F...@mid.individual.net...

Sure, it would be. However, it seems people use the term 'corked' for wine
gone bad, should not that be used for "putting the cork on the bottle"?


Becca

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Aug 27, 2008, 5:55:52 PM8/27/08
to
Kathleen wrote:

> I'd have served both. Homemade baked goods are a treat but some of my
> friends and family like those brown-n-serve rolls. They're a childhood
> holiday favorite - comfort food.
>
> Thanksgiving just isn't Thanksgiving without redneck rolls.

Redneck rolls? LOL

Becca

Wayne Boatwright

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 6:00:27 PM8/27/08
to
On Wed 27 Aug 2008 02:53:43p, Peter told us...

I know people who are definitely corked. It might be good if they were put
in the bottle.

--
Wayne Boatwright

*******************************************
Date: Wednesday, 08(VIII)/27(XXVII)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Labor Day
4dys 9hrs

*******************************************
My dog thinks he's human.. My cat
thinks he's GOD!
*******************************************

Julia Altshuler

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 6:20:49 PM8/27/08
to
Steve Pope wrote:
>
> That's what it means, and I've been a wine lover for decades
> and have never been able to figure out what, exactly, people
> might be talking about when they say a wine is corked.
> Does it mean the wine has oxidized or lost fill? Is
> it an off flavor, if so is it any off flavor, or stemming
> from some particular process? The claims are one in fifty,
> or one in twenty wines are corked. If so, I've drunk a
> fair number of them; which ones were they, and what did
> they taste like?
>
> Consistent information is lacking.


My google is working again!


This page seems to have a concise, understandable explanation:

http://www.cellarnotes.net/corked_wine.htm


Wikipedia was a little technical for my knowledge of chemistry:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cork_taint


I liked this page too:

http://nymag.com/restaurants/articles/wine/essentials/badwine.htm


And now, a funny story. When I was working in the wine and cheese shop,
we had the usual policy of taking back any wine that was corked, no
questions asked. The store gave the customer back his money. The
vendors gave the store back its money.


We had one customer who found corked bottles all the time. He'd come
in, buy, and be back within the week with the bottle, always with the
complaint that it was corked. He frequently accepted a different label
instead of his money back.


Trouble was, no one else could taste the problem. Not the (experienced)
owner, not the (even more experienced) vendors. Finally, the owner came
up with a new policy. When corked bottles were returned, they were
replaced with another bottle from the same case. That's the same label.
We explained that it must have happened to just that one bottle.


Problem solved. The customer's exquisite taste buds were cured, and he
stopped coming back with so many corked bottles. Apparently he'd
figured out that "corked" in English meant "I'd like to try something else."


--Lia

cshenk

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 7:35:03 PM8/27/08
to
"Giusi" wrote

>I have been reading about people liking to bring food to parties, and when
>it is that kind of party, I think that's great: to offer. What I don't get
>is when host says no and the guest brings food anyway.

It's a bit rude if the invite was clear, unless it's some side item not
expected to be served with the dinner. Like 'Guisi, had a good crop of
heirloom carrots and broght you a few for lunch tomorrow since I know you
mentioned you like them'

> When I plan a dinner I plan a menu of foods and flavors that go together.
> If you show up with something off plan I will not be grateful. Even Miss
> Manners says a host is under no obligation to serve things you show up
> with.

Ms Manners isnt always totally right. This is possibly more a cultural
thing in interpretation though. If I send and invite and say 'just want
your company' this may not clearly indicate 'bring no food' and in that
case, to not offer it up at the side, would be 'rude'.

Now lets look from another angle. Guest with some sort of serious dietary
restrictions that you do not know about (or do not know how to accomodate),
especially combined with your not listing the menu. They are apt to decline
politely but if they do show, might bring something they know they can eat
and a bit extra for others if interested. To not allow it, would be rude.
Specific example: Recent cookout, grandkid with multiple severe alleries to
just about everything. Parent brought things the kid could eat and this was
appropriate.

> So how do you feel? Of you are serving a Mexican meal or a Swiss
> raclette, how would you feel about someone showing up with a curry?

I generally do not do themed meals but if i did, I'd list it on the invite
and say 'I'm doing a themed meal this time so if you have a special dish
that you make along this line, you are welcome to bring it but we really
just want your company so no dish expected'. Then, no matter *what* they
brought, it would go out there as an option. Even a high spiced Indian
curry with a mexican meal <grin>.

Cultural thing here is you are talking with a 'Southerner' (USA) and to us,
it is very 'odd' to not bring a little something. In fact, it's very odd to
ask folks not to but would be accepted. You'd probably end up with a few
bottles of wine or jelly for later use (grin) anyways.


Melba's Jammin'

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Aug 27, 2008, 8:33:00 PM8/27/08
to
In article <6hlv15F...@mid.individual.net>,
Goomba <Goom...@comcast.net> wrote:


Do you thaw meat or do you unthaw meat? :-)
--
-Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
http://web.mac.com/barbschaller, blahblahblog is back and
most recently updated last night, 8-17-2008. Fair entries are DONE!

Wayne Boatwright

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Aug 27, 2008, 8:55:08 PM8/27/08
to
On Wed 27 Aug 2008 05:33:00p, Melba's Jammin' told us...

> In article <6hlv15F...@mid.individual.net>,
> Goomba <Goom...@comcast.net> wrote:
>
>> Peter wrote:
>>
>> > Lia, you are likely right, I'm not a wine person and I probably
>> > termed it wrong. I guess saying 'popped the cork' or simply 'opened
>> > a bottle' would be better.
>> >
>> Wouldn't "de-corked" be what you do when you remove the cork?
>
>
> Do you thaw meat or do you unthaw meat? :-)

Oh, I really hate when someone says "unthaw". Almost as much as when they
says their turning the air conditioner "up" to make it cooler, or "down" to
make it warmer. Heck, I learned the correct terminology about those things
when I was five.

--
Wayne Boatwright

*******************************************
Date: Wednesday, 08(VIII)/27(XXVII)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Labor Day

4dys 6hrs 7mins
*******************************************
But then again, I like cold toilet seats.
*******************************************

Steve Pope

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 9:20:23 PM8/27/08
to
Goomba <Goom...@comcast.net> wrote:

>Steve Pope wrote:

>> It's acceptable to bring something shelf-stable, such as

>> a box of chocolates, under these circumstances -- the host


>> can set it aside somewhere. Or of course wine or spirits.
>> Beer is a bit of a nuisance, it needs to go into the
>> refrigerator and someone might drink it.

>> But bringing perishable food, say a salad, is wrong if one
>> is asked not to bring food. Should be obvious.

>Your first example is okay because you've gifted the host or hostess

>with something they're not expected to serve, and it is intended for
>their enjoyment in the days to come. It is a hostess gift, not something
>intended for the current meal everyone has assembled for.

Yep.

The example given upthread, of bringing freshly baked rolls,
seems like the opposite -- something that is of little value
unless served on the spot. But I'm sure it was well-intended.

Steve

Goomba

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 9:58:40 PM8/27/08
to
Melba's Jammin' wrote:
> In article <6hlv15F...@mid.individual.net>,
> Goomba <Goom...@comcast.net> wrote:
>
>> Peter wrote:
>>
>>> Lia, you are likely right, I'm not a wine person and I probably termed it
>>> wrong. I guess saying 'popped the cork' or simply 'opened a bottle' would
>>> be better.
>>>
>> Wouldn't "de-corked" be what you do when you remove the cork?
>
>
> Do you thaw meat or do you unthaw meat? :-)

letsee.. I either thaw meat or freeze it. Did I have another option? LOL

Wayne Boatwright

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 10:02:58 PM8/27/08
to
On Wed 27 Aug 2008 06:58:40p, Goomba told us...

You could just eat it, and not worry about either process. :-)

--
Wayne Boatwright

*******************************************
Date: Wednesday, 08(VIII)/27(XXVII)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Labor Day

4dys 4hrs 58mins
*******************************************
Self-made man: A horrible example of
unskilled labor.
*******************************************

Bob Terwilliger

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 11:18:20 PM8/27/08
to
Barb wrote:

> Please, come to my home empty handed. You want to make me happy to see
> you, bring me some flowers or a box of Frango mints, but don't bring
> your favorite dessert. And if you've asked if you may, been told no,
> thank you, and you were kind to offer, and you do it anyway, shame on
> you.

I'd stop by a trophy shop and bring a bunch of blue ribbons for you. :-)

Bob

Bob Terwilliger

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 11:31:26 PM8/27/08
to
Janet wrote:

> To the contrary, Miss Manners is all about making everyone feel
> comfortable.

I think there's a blurring here between the concepts of mannerly, sociable,
and convivial. When I think of "mannerly," I think of the formal dinners I
attended as a naval officer, where strict dining protocol was observed.
Sure, there was some interesting conversation, but decorum was the
overriding concern for those in attendance. When I think of "sociable," I
think of getting together with some acquaintances in order to get to know
them better. When I think of "convivial," I think of a group of friends
sitting around a table laughing at shared memories.

Obviously, the convivial gathering is the most comfortable, while the
[merely] mannerly gathering is the least. But manners at least provide a
framework for interaction.

Bob


Bob Terwilliger

unread,
Aug 27, 2008, 11:47:06 PM8/27/08
to
Steve wrote:

>>Until a few weeks ago, "corked" always meant spoiled to me, as in a
>>chemical process having to do with the cork making the wine unpalateable.


>
> That's what it means, and I've been a wine lover for decades
> and have never been able to figure out what, exactly, people
> might be talking about when they say a wine is corked.
> Does it mean the wine has oxidized or lost fill? Is
> it an off flavor, if so is it any off flavor, or stemming
> from some particular process? The claims are one in fifty,
> or one in twenty wines are corked. If so, I've drunk a
> fair number of them; which ones were they, and what did
> they taste like?
>
> Consistent information is lacking.

It means the cork has deteriorated and made the wine bitter. When a bottle
of wine is opened and the cork is handed to you, you're not supposed to
smell the cork, you're supposed to FEEL whether the cork is crumbly,
excessively spongy, or slimy. Any of those is a sign that the wine may be
corked. Smelling the cork (as so many ignorant people do) is pointless;
you're supposed to smell the wine in the glass, not the wine on the cork.

I think the new/incorrect use of the term "corked" to mean "opened" stems*
from the mistaken belief that the word "corked" is related to the word
"corkage", a fee which restaurants impose on patrons who bring their own
wine.

Bob
* Get it? STEMS? As in STEMWARE?

sf

unread,
Aug 28, 2008, 2:26:39 AM8/28/08
to
On Wed, 27 Aug 2008 10:30:58 +0200, "Giusi" <decob...@yahoo.com>
wrote:

>So how do you feel? Of you are serving a Mexican meal or a Swiss raclette,
>how would you feel about someone showing up with a curry?

That doesn't happen here. My friends understand when it's appropriate
to bring main dish type foods and when not to do it (they ask).
Appetizers are always welcome at my house, I don't plan a meal so
narrowly that it "matters" what they decide to bring and I'm always
happy that they want to contribute to the occasion. For me, it means
my friends are into the "my house is your house" mentality... which is
one small step away from being "family".


--
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond.

Mae West

sf

unread,
Aug 28, 2008, 2:29:55 AM8/28/08
to
On Wed, 27 Aug 2008 12:16:27 +0200, ChattyCathy
<cath...@mailinator.com> wrote:

>If it was a good friend (or family member) you might say, "John/Joan, I
>thought I *told* you not to bring any food? I've already got enough
>here to feed an army. You know I love your curry, but we're having
>Mexican tonight, or didn't I mention that when I invited you? But this
>will come in very handy for tomorrow or the next day, so thanks very
>much." ;-)

Oh, come on.... how often does this happen????

I can't imagine someone actually bringing curry to a mexican dinner...
if you told them it was mexican when you invited them.

sf

unread,
Aug 28, 2008, 2:30:33 AM8/28/08
to
On Wed, 27 Aug 2008 14:55:42 GMT, blake murphy
<blakepm...@verizon.net> wrote:

>does 'having the boss over for dinner' ever really happen outside of
>fifties sitcoms and comic strips? today, i'd guess fucking the boss is
>more common.

My opinion too!

sf

unread,
Aug 28, 2008, 2:31:13 AM8/28/08
to
On Wed, 27 Aug 2008 15:11:18 GMT, Wayne Boatwright
<waynebo...@gmail.com> wrote:

>Shades of "Mad Men"..

AHA! Another fan!

sf

unread,
Aug 28, 2008, 2:33:16 AM8/28/08
to
On Wed, 27 Aug 2008 10:38:38 -0700 (PDT), sueb <sioux...@yahoo.com>
wrote:

>On Aug 27, 7:55 am, blake murphy <blakepmNOTT...@verizon.net> wrote:
>>
>> does 'having the boss over for dinner' ever really happen outside of
>> fifties sitcoms and comic strips?  today, i'd guess fucking the boss is
>> more common.
>>

>> your pal,
>> blake
>
>Speaking as a boss - neither seems to be very common these days.
>
>Susan B.

Thanks for the update. Many here seem to get their social cues from
TV.

sf

unread,
Aug 28, 2008, 2:42:13 AM8/28/08
to
On Wed, 27 Aug 2008 13:54:14 -0400, Julia Altshuler
<jalts...@comcast.net> wrote:

>Peter wrote:
>>
>> We will even drink red with chicken if that's what happens to show up and it
>> somehow happens to get corked... oh the horror of generous guests!
>
>
>There it is again. "Corked" to mean bottle of wine opened, as in cork
>removed.
>
That's a new one for me too. "Uncorked" would be an understandable
expression.


>
>Until a few weeks ago, "corked" always meant spoiled to me, as in a
>chemical process having to do with the cork making the wine unpalateable.

Agreed! there are bad batches of cork that don't seal correctly.

ChattyCathy

unread,
Aug 28, 2008, 3:08:47 AM8/28/08
to
sf wrote:

> On Wed, 27 Aug 2008 12:16:27 +0200, ChattyCathy
> <cath...@mailinator.com> wrote:
>
>>If it was a good friend (or family member) you might say, "John/Joan,
>>I thought I *told* you not to bring any food? I've already got enough
>>here to feed an army. You know I love your curry, but we're having
>>Mexican tonight, or didn't I mention that when I invited you? But this
>>will come in very handy for tomorrow or the next day, so thanks very
>>much." ;-)
>
> Oh, come on.... how often does this happen????
>
> I can't imagine someone actually bringing curry to a mexican dinner...
> if you told them it was mexican when you invited them.
>
>

Ahem, sf. That's why I said "I'd say it depends how well you know
the 'someone' in question or if they had any idea of what you were
going to be serving." So we're actually in agreement here, methinks.

--
Cheers
Chatty Cathy

Egg tastes better when it's not on your face...

Ophelia

unread,
Aug 28, 2008, 3:54:07 AM8/28/08
to
Kathleen wrote:
> Michael "Dog3" wrote:
>> "Ophelia" <Opheilia@nix,co.uk> news:6hlf07F...@mid.individual.net: in
>> rec.food.cooking
>>
>>
>>
>>> Salted peanuts *in* the shell? How do you salt them if they are
>>> still in the shell.
>>>
>>> O who has never heard of such wonderments:)
>>
>>
>> You are asking the wrong person on that one ;) The bag said salted
>> peanuts in the shell. Whole peanuts, like the ones you would pickle.
>
> I think they're boiled or at least soaked in salt water prior to being
> roasted.

Thank you Kathleen:) Heh, who would've thunk it:)

--
Real friendship is shown in times of trouble;
prosperity is full of friends.
* Euripedes


Giusi

unread,
Aug 28, 2008, 5:03:32 AM8/28/08
to
"Bob Terwilliger" <virtualgoth@die_spammer.biz> ha scritto nel messaggio
news:251rnh....@news.alt.net...

> Janet wrote:
>
>> To the contrary, Miss Manners is all about making everyone feel
>> comfortable.
>
> I think there's a blurring here between the concepts of mannerly,
> sociable, and convivial. When I think of "mannerly," I think of the formal
> dinners I attended as a naval officer, where strict dining protocol was
> observed.

Been there, too, and not what I aim for unless entertaining very old and
traditional guest, in which case all the guests will be told the dinner or
lunch will be formal. That's RARE.

When I think of "sociable," I
> think of getting together with some acquaintances in order to get to know
> them better.

Then I guess my parties are usually sociable and very often are aimed at
introducing friends from one part of my life to friends from another part of
it. There is, however, structure, because of my work I am fairly sensitive
to what goes with what and also that most Italians are leary f different
fods they don't know.

When I think of "convivial," I think of a group of friends sitting around a
table laughing at shared memories.

This only happens when family and friends come from other countries.
Everybody else is newer in my life.


>
> Obviously, the convivial gathering is the most comfortable, while the
> [merely] mannerly gathering is the least. But manners at least provide a
> framework for interaction.
>
> Bob

I can't see leaving manners behind no matter what kind of meal you are
having. Without them even at a picnic you may see some teenager knock over
an old lady to get the last chicken leg. Formal they don't have to be, be
mannerly always.


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