FROM PROBLEMS IN THE SCHOOL TO PROBLEMS IN THE HOME
anniecristal
turned into a frightful headache for the family's, despite being very
intelligent and creative, and a good reader too.
I've tried other alternatives, with psychologists, and
psychopedagoges, even private teachers, but nothing seems to work.
Please, has anyone a suggestion to make?
Annie .
anniecristal
MerryStahel
Make an appoitment, set a timer and spend it doing homework with him. Casually
ask questions about school, as you go along. If there is homework you cannot
help with - have Dad/SO/ADULT Friend spend 30 minutes an evening with him too.
It won't happen overnight, but the time and attention, especially helping him
WITH homework, will show him a) you care and b) homework and following through
are important.
Also try very hard not to be aggressive or judgemental during that 30 minutes.
Let him flounder HIS WAY to do homework, until he gets frustrated and asks YOU
for help. Let him talk out things that bother him. Allow him to make
judegment calls, even if they are wrong, and gently say I disagree, and why and
then LEAVE IT ALONE.
At first, he'll be sullen and silent, but eventually, you'll be discussing
things.
Most kids who begin having troubles at school are disturbed by something, and
usually cannot verbalize it well until someone steps in (no matter how old they
are!).
Merry
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Debbi
bored. I too have a child who is horrible at school. He is my special needs
kid who is very bright. He figured out by the time he was in first grade
that if you score well on tests, then people will expect more from you. Gets
frustrated since I will not let him get away with just the minimal amount of
work as I know how to play the game back. When he turns in his good work, it
is often a shock to all since he plays "dumb" so well. He participated in
the school talent show last year. EVERYONE was shocked by how well he played
the piano-- they were expecting something on the line of Twinkle Twinkle
Little Star.
Debbi in SO CA
"anniecristal" <crysta...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:e784fa9e.02041...@posting.google.com...
Vicki
How old is your son? Where is he in the birth order? How long has this
been going on? Have there been any major changes in his life in the last
year or so such as divorce, death of a family member, changing schools, etc?
Vicki
"anniecristal" <crysta...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:e784fa9e.02041...@posting.google.com...
Patti
I have never had any children, unfortunately; but I did teach for some
years.
You did not say how old your son was?
My brother was a very reluctant student and caused my Mum no end of
worry. He didn't do terribly well with qualifications at school; but a
few years afterwards he started picking up qualifications for this, and
diplomas for that; he is always reading (non fiction!!!) and haunts the
library to find a solution to any problem.
It may be that your son will never do really well in school. Some
people don't; can you focus on the things he does well, for a while? If
he's intelligent, he's perhaps rebelling - even subconsciously - against
all the pressure he's getting, however well-intentioned? He will want
to use his brain eventually, he is perhaps at a loss for his own
direction at the moment.
.
In article <e784fa9e.02041...@posting.google.com>,
anniecristal <crysta...@hotmail.com> writes
--
Best Regards
pat on the hill
Joan8904
found something interested him that he is very good at. My plans for his
college education would have been a total waste of his time and my money. That
old 'round hole, square peg' thing is sometimes true.
joan o'reilly
311 fan club
8904 florence drive
bellevue ne 68147
www.joansquilts.eboard.com
Ronnie Wexler
hope #1 son takes after him in the successful part!
Ronnie
In article <20020411173858...@mb-bh.aol.com>, joan...@aol.com
(Joan8904) wrote:
--
Kate Dicey
stretched by the school system, and is suffering from ingrowing
boredom. It can be very corrosive and isn't easy to treat. This is to
warn you that it may be a long haul, not to discourage you.
Start with the positive: don't look at what he doesn't like, concentrate
on what he DOES like. Try to find him a different alternative: are
there any colleges in the area that would be willing to let him join
classes with their students that are more at his level? Try various art
and craft classes, and creative writing, rather than making him do
traditional school work. Once he's hooked, he may be more willing to
use his creative side to give him a basis for the more traditional
school tasks such as report writing (planning, designing, rescourcng,
how
it was done, problems, and how it was completed, for example), maths
(costing an art project, for example), and research (history relevant to
a project). This is one of the things I really enjoy about the
historical sewing projects I do.
You KNOW what the problem is and so does he: more educational psychology
won't help, so leave it out. None of them have a magic box with the
answer in!
If he's interested, get him to help you with some of your projects: he
might like to learn to sew, be interested in dying his own cloth, etc.
The alternative to the public sector in education is not the private
sector, nor is it necessarily home schooling (especially if you feel you
don't have the skills or the patience). A combination of advanced
lessons with older and brighter students that he'll have to work to keep
up with, and Australian style radio/electronic distance learning may be
the answer. There are plenty of organized sports activities for kids of
this age for PE lessons missed not to be a problem, and again they need
not be traditional school sports. See if he'd be interested in climbing
or diving, fencing or judo, for example. Exciting stuff like this can
be used as a bribe for good behaviour!
My brother used to baby-sit the very bright 7 YO son of a colleague of
my dad: this lad once wired up the door handles to see if the
electricity would make his little sister's hair stand on end like the
pictures in the Beano! He also used a radio building kit to make
something that wiped all the sounds off his dad's expensive rare jazz
recordings on pre-recorded reel-to-reel tapes! (70's, you know!) This
child thought of things to get up to that no-one thought of telling him
not to do! He eventually went to a school that put him in with the
older kids in the subjects he was good at, socialize with his peers, and
work at his own level in subjects he wasn't so far advanced in.
Keep your chin up, and use the system to prop up whatever you manage to
put in place. Try the line that the system has failed to provide
appropriate education for this child, and that it would be more cost
effective to do something like this than mend the breaks he will
engineer if they fail him further.
Kate XXXXXX
Polly E
told us he wasn't motivated. We figured out what would motivate him. At 13,
he was saving to buy a car when he was old enough for a driver's license. We
bribed him. For good grades. When the time came for the first car, he was
able to buy his first clunker. But, it was the first of many. Many cars and
many good grades. There were about five years of cars in various conditions
coming and sometimes not going in our driveway. DS worked hard for his
grades, his money and his cars. We were blessed to figure out what would
motivate. I wish you the best is finding what will work for you. Polly
Tricia Rodgers
How to help your child succeed or something like that...by a gal whose
last name is Reif
What's his handwriting like? Written product? Have you considered
requesting testing for learning disabilities? (I work with students like
this all the time --- that's why I suggest it as a possbility)
Tricia
anniecristal wrote:
--
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Kim E
old for independent (not through the school) educational psycological
testing to see if he was not focusing because he truly couldn't or if
he was so bored that he wouldn't. DH had been resisting getting him
tested for quite a while, because DS was able to concentrate if
something interested and challenged him, so DH was convinced it was
solely a boredom issue.
The psychologist tested DS for 2 days. The result is extreme boredom
along with rather profound ADD-inattentive type. She found it quite
interesting that even when he figured out what she was testing (like
reaction time), he was not able to improve his results. She said that
it is not at all unusual for the really bright kids not to be
diagnosed until middle school, they have the smarts to compensate at
the lower grades.
We did a trial of Adderall (similar to Ritalin), and were all amazed
at the results. DS came home the second day and asked why he didn't
start the medicine years ago, it made school so much easier. Homework
that used to take 6 hours of distracted "work" was suddenly finished
in class. As a result of lower frustration at school, his behavior at
home was calmer as well.
Now that DS is turning in complete work (and not leaving it on the
kitchen table, the bus, the locker, etc.), the school is now listening
to us on the boredom issue. Before the testing, they refused to
believe that he was bored, since he wasn't getting straight A's. Now
they realize that his needs have never been met. The coordinator of
next year's high school program has promised me that he will be
challenged there. He will go to a school that teaches the Cambridge
Program, which was developed at Cambridge University in England.
I understand that medication is not a choice for everyone (and we
resisted it for years, believing that the boredom was something the
school needed to address), but it has made a very big difference for
us. DS is now getting mostly A's in school, his behavior is calmer
both at school and at home, he is getting along better with his peers
since his frustration level is down, and is generally a happier kid.
I wish we had done the testing a long time ago.
Kim
crysta...@hotmail.com (anniecristal) wrote in message news:<e784fa9e.02041...@posting.google.com>...
Voxwoman
lot of literature regarding things that are first diagnosed as learning
disablilites are actually vision problems, where the 2 eyes are not
working TOGETHER and the children get frustrated and their symptoms are
similar to ADD/ADHD/LD. And it's independent of whether the child needs
glasses or not...
-Wendy of NJ
Ronnie Wexler
"wandering eye"), the vision problems usually exist separately.
Correcting vision doesn't necessarily improve adhd/ld, nor does medication
necessarily help with the vision. Ideally, each problem should be
addressed by doctors/psychologists/optometrists/teachers working
together. And even then, there is no "cure". A child's functioning can
be improved a little or a lot, but the underlying problems, especially
adhd/ld don't typically go away, they are compensated for.
Ronnie
In article <3CB6E053...@hotmail.com>, Voxwoman <voxw...@hotmail.com>
wrote:
--
Kim E
week for a few months. She helped him work on organization skills and
how to break a large project into smaller pieces. Sometimes, someone
outside the family can say EXACTLY the same things to a kid that the
parents have been saying, but the kid accepts it from them.
Kim
kime...@yahoo.com (Kim E) wrote in message news:<1ecbae9c.02041...@posting.google.com>...
MJ
went through school doing well some days and not others, did homework
and left it home, got everything from As to Fs in the same class. When
I asked in elementary school, "what's going on" - their answer was
"He's a boy, they click in later." Had him tested in about 5th grade
and didn't find anything really significant, just little hints that
his brain was wired differently. But he was so smart he could
compensate at that level - and he was in a one on one situation where
he could do better than in the distractions of a classroom. In junior
high he qualified to take the SATs to leading to special summer
classes at college and scored really well on the math areas. Made it
through h.s. with about a 3 point and went off to college. Flunked out
- came home - went to junior college and got a 3.23. Went back to
university. After he flunked out the second time, we had more testing
and got an ADD diagnosis. Did some therapy and retraining and tried
adderol. Then he left the nest again and wandered through a couple
years of junior college and working in various minimum wage jobs. I'm
not sure he finished any of the classes there. Then took a year off to
work more minimum wage jobs and finally decided he needed to finish
his education and found a major he felt would lead him to something.
He's finished one term back at univeristy with a 3.29 (and he's still
not off academic probation so you can see how deeply he was in trouble
there).
Along the way he gravitated to kids who were just as lost as he was
(some for his reasons, others for other reasons) - he could feel more
comfortable with them.
Here's what I've learned about ADD.
1. If a kid is really bright and goes along with the school program
without causing problems, he can slide by. They have enough "BIG"
problems that one kid who isn't performing will never get much
attention. After all he wasn't hyperactive, could concentrate on
things he liked (legos - cars - computer games).
2. Once he figured out in his own mind that it was hard - he
developed a protective attitude - "Why is this stuff important?"
3. The problems with the ADD left "holes" in his knowledge of basic
stuff - so as the work got more complex, the "holes" made it more
difficult to sort out.
4. With his ADD the biggest roadblocks are the attitude that he can't
make it, the ability to follow through on his own, and the "holes" in
his knowledge.
But beware - don't play Trivial Pursuits with this kid - he will nail
you!
Maybe now he has found his way and gotten motivated on his own.
I now also know that his older sister has it too. But she was with a
different class - had different teachers - and chose other ways to
compensate. She's almost compulsive in attacking academic problems,
and achieving in extra curricular activites. But she suffered through
elementary school with head aches and stomach aches. She is extremely
successful and happily married, but she still lives with extreme
stress that she generates herself by needing to be perfect.
My DH also resisted the idea that DS could have a problem - and still
doesn't accept it. To be truthful DS probably spent more time
majoring in beer and broads his first years at university.
Often kids with ADD will self medicate by drinking too much coffee,
and using other drugs.
There are many issues with ADD and many solutions - both good and bad.
I now recognize that he is a text book case - and we were a text book
family. How many times did we say - "You can do it, if you would only
concentrate."
If you suspect a problem - get a copy of "You Mean I'm Not Lazy,
Stupid, or Crazy." It's easy reading, and your library probably has
it. Sorry I can't remember the author. There are lots of other books
out there as well. Also do a search on the web - there's a good deal
of stuff out there.
The latest reports are that he may have turned a corner, but it's
still too soon to know how this will all come out.
What would I do differently knowing what I know now?
Find a school with smaller classes where they have time to really
know each child in the class and give more personal attention.
Use tutors more - the individual setting allows that kid to focus
more, has less distractions - and as someone else said - they can do
more with someone who doesn't also have to tell them to clean their
room and make sure they are home on time.
I could probably go on and on, but this is long enough.
Good luck -
Midge