OT. First name basis
Carolyn Potts
telemarketers, shop clerks, receptionists, children and others?
clancy
the way you were raised. We, while growing up, always had to call people we
met Mr. or Mrs. or Aunt or Uncle this and that ... neverrrrr by their first
name. I'm getting more used to being called by my first name by doctor's
and dentist's receptionists tho' - but old habits die hard.
Something that bugs me too is when a telemarketer or fund raiser person will
ask specifically for Mr. so and so ... like I was chopped liver or
something.
Sharon (N.B.)
.....................................................................
"Carolyn Potts" <ko...@earthlink.net> wrote in message
news:JJPF8.711$Z_2...@newsread2.prod.itd.earthlink.net...
Anna Begins
ko...@earthlink.net says...
> How do you feel about being called by your first name by strangers, i.e.
> telemarketers, shop clerks, receptionists, children and others?
>
Children - fine, I quite like that
Receptionists - if I've introduced myself, and they already have my first
name, that's okay, too
As to the others - yuk, but, I also hate it when they ask "Is Mrs xxx
there?" - I always say no, because I'm *Ms* xxx !
(I don't know about anywhere else, but Ms doesn't seem to have hit
telemarketing scripts here - if I say no to being Mrs xxx, they tend to
go on and ask for Mr xxx!)
--
Anna
We are all travellers in the wilderness of this world, and the best we
can find in our travels is an honest friend.
- Robert Louis Stevenson
Sheena
Sheena
Marie
name, I've resigned myself to it. What really irks me, is when someone calls
my home, and asks me if my husband is home, or the homeowner. Well, I don't
have a husband and *I* am the homeowner. Why do people assume that a single
woman doesn't own anything? Some of us have done well for ourselves, on our
own. Marie (Boboette)
"Carolyn Potts" <ko...@earthlink.net> wrote in message
news:JJPF8.711$Z_2...@newsread2.prod.itd.earthlink.net...
Sheena
not going to have much to say, he usually only meows and painful though it is,
he hasn't even been a man for several years.
Sheena
dormanesh
> >How do you feel about being called by your first name by strangers,
> >i.e. telemarketers, shop clerks, receptionists, children and others?
>
> which is even more familiar.
boy do I agree!! I went into an Open House while looking at new homes and
introduced myelf to the sales woman as Debbie, she then proceeds to say
"DEB" take a look at the this, I was out of the house. In retrospect I
probably should have told her I prefered Debbie, maybe she would think twice
before becoming go casual with others.
Sarah Koehler
"Carolyn Potts" <ko...@earthlink.net> wrote in message
news:JJPF8.711$Z_2...@newsread2.prod.itd.earthlink.net...
> telemarketers, shop clerks, receptionists, children and others?
>
>
Hate it. I've noticed it happening more and more as well. Especially at
banks, just because they know the balance in my checking account doesn't
mean I want to be on a first name basis them! I work with the public as well
( library assistant ) and I NEVER presume to call an adult by their first
name unless it is a long time patron who has asked me too. Only children. I
guess I'm just old fashioned.
--
Sarah, Ferndale Washington
WIP's TW's Peacock Tapestry, Floral Finesse by Maureen Appleton.
remove nospam from address when you reply
EGNeedler
>news:JJPF8.711$Z_2...@newsread2.prod.itd.earthlink.net...
>> How do you feel about being called by your first name by strangers, i.e.
>> telemarketers, shop clerks, receptionists, children and others?
Sorry but I don't like it---seems to show disrespect to my way of thinking. I
guess this opinion shows my age but, unless I ask to be called by my first
name, I expect to be spoken to as Mrs., Miss, Ms So-and-So.
Eleanor the Elder
Trish Brown
>
> How do you feel about being called by your first name by strangers, i.e.
> telemarketers, shop clerks, receptionists, children and others?
Hnnnnh! I *hate* it when people do that! Especially children or people
younger than me! What *really* frosts my pumpkin (Nina, 2000) is when
sales assistants etc call me 'Luv' or 'Dear' or 'Darling' etc!!! I
usually reply 'Sorry, I'm not your darling and nor are you mine. My name
is...'
I was brought up to show absolute respect to others including not
misusing anyone's name without permission (having said that, I'm an
appalling nicknamer and probably irritate far more people than I mean to
in that way! Eh, Pattles?) It also irks me when adults encourage my DD
(who is only seven) to call them by their first name. Unless the person
is a very close family friend, I don't think it's appropriate. And even
then, it grates on my ear.
LOL! There are women in our church choir whom I've called 'Aunty (insert
name)' ever since I was a child. (That was the custom back then: to call
adult friends by 'Aunty' or 'Uncle' So-and-So. Silly, but that's what we
did!) Now that I'm almost grown-up, they keep saying 'Oh, please call me
(insert name) - you make me feel so *old*!' It's almost *painful* to do
that! The Ugly Sister feels the same way and we often comment on how
hard it is to force ourselves to use the Christian names of these women.
It feels like sacrilege!
--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia
Dannielle Beitzell
those of you who have answered negatively to this question!
I, myself, am a Generation X'er who prefers to be called by my first name,
as that is my identity. My last name, beautiful though it is, is a family
name. I have had some women at church try to teach their children to call
me Mrs. XXX, however I asked them to please call me by my first name, as
Mrs. XXX is my mother-in-law!
I love it when telemarketers call and try to ask for Mr. or Mrs. XXX because
my last name is difficult to pronounce and it identifies them as someone
that I don't want to talk to immediately!!!
--
Dannielle from NY
http://www.frontiernet.net/~beitzell/dannielle/index.htm
WIP's: Dimensions: Rose Drama
Cross My Heart - I Thee Wed: For Richer or For Poorer
(FINISHED!) and
Love Like Springtime
Daisy Kingdom: Raggedy Ann and Andy, Snowman with
Trees, Minnie Moose, Heaven & Nature Jumper,
Christmas Toile Tree Skirt, HoHoHo Vest.
"Trish Brown" <kawb...@ozemail.com.au> wrote in message
news:3CE8001A...@ozemail.com.au...
Carolyn Potts
women of my age group. However, I think the current fad for instant
friendship is rather sickening, shows a lack of respect, and no selectivity
at all.
Parenthetically, when someone asks for Mr. Potts, I answer "He's dead" and
hang up. The other day I did that and realized afterwards that whoever it
was now believes that my son is dead.8-)
"Dannielle Beitzell" <dbei...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:ueg0rj2...@corp.supernews.com...
Anna Begins
says...
> LOL! There are women in our church choir whom I've called 'Aunty (insert
> name)' ever since I was a child. (That was the custom back then: to call
> adult friends by 'Aunty' or 'Uncle' So-and-So. Silly, but that's what we
> did!) Now that I'm almost grown-up, they keep saying 'Oh, please call me
> (insert name) - you make me feel so *old*!' It's almost *painful* to do
> that! The Ugly Sister feels the same way and we often comment on how
> hard it is to force ourselves to use the Christian names of these women.
> It feels like sacrilege!
It is one of my personal bug bears - adults wanting to be called "Aunty"
so-and-so.
When aged seven, we moved house, and ended up next door to one of my
father's colleagues and his family.
Up until that point, we had always addressed non-familial adults by their
titles (my ma loathes the the "Aunty" tag too) so when our new neighbour
said "I'm Auntie Josie" and turned round and said "You're not!" I'm
afraid I was rather a blunt child!
Personally, I don't think it shows a lack of respect if a child calls you
by your given name. After all, that's what it's there for.
However, I do agree with the posters who dislike people who use nicknames
uninvited.
My "real" name is Nicola, although it's usually abbreviated to Nic, and I
introduce myself using one of the two. Some people don't appear to
listen, though, and call me Nicky - which no one ever does, and lives ...
:)
just me
"Carolyn Potts" <ko...@earthlink.net> wrote in message
news:JJPF8.711$Z_2...@newsread2.prod.itd.earthlink.net...
> telemarketers, shop clerks, receptionists, children and others?
Well, I have a relatively unique perspective on this because nearly no-one
seems to be able to pronounce my first name properly even though it follows
all the rules of English. Most people who are not acquainted with me try
avoid using it so I get lots of Mrs. _______ from anyone other than
telemarketers. They try to say my name, mangle it every singe time, and I
immediately know the caller does not know me and therefore I probably do not
want to talk with them.
-Aula
Pat Porter
ALWAYS correct people who adress me thus whether by speech or letter.
pAT p.
"Anna Begins" <anna....@virgin.net> wrote in message
news:MPG.175215ec8...@news.CIS.DFN.DE...
Anna Begins
pat.p...@ntlworld.com says...
> Even worse is that ugly new invention "Ms." It really infuriates me and I
> ALWAYS correct people who adress me thus whether by speech or letter.
>
>
when she was a child, the custom was to call *all* adult women "Mistress"
regardless of marital status (which is irrelevant in this day and age,
IMO)
So, I prefer to think of "Ms" as following that tradition, rather than
being a modern invention <grin>
My (younger) sister much prefers "Miss" though :)
Claudia Brant
it when someone calls me by my first name, or "dearie" or "darling" in a
store.
Claudia
"just me" <not....@invalid.com> wrote in message
news:bZTF8.349449$nc.53...@typhoon.tampabay.rr.com...
Pat Porter
by my first name when I was in hospital (particularly as they insisted on
calling me "Patricia" which I NEVER use - so if they thought they were
making me feel at home, they were way out!). I wasn`t in a position to
answer back then though, as I`d had a stroke! LOL!
Pat P.
"Carolyn Potts" <ko...@earthlink.net> wrote in message
news:JJPF8.711$Z_2...@newsread2.prod.itd.earthlink.net...
Trish Brown
>
> Even worse is that ugly new invention "Ms." It really infuriates me and I
> ALWAYS correct people who adress me thus whether by speech or letter.
>
> pAT p.
ROTFL!!! I was declining in the dentist's chair last week when the
dental nurse (an aged campaigner of about seventeen years of age) came
in fulminating! Someone on the phone had just called her 'Ms' and she
was fit to be tied! She said 'Only sad old bags with moustaches and
hairy armpits get called 'Ms'! It's *demeaning* to me, a young,
unmarried woman to be stuck with that old title! I'm not ashamed of
being unmarried and I *hate* it when people assume I am! So there!'
During all of this, I had a thing called a 'toffelmeier' (sp) screwed
onto my wisdom tooth and what felt like five tampons wadded beneath my
tongue. The dentist was up to his elbows in my gob and all I could do
was blink my eyes in response to this rather comical invective from a
young, modern woman! As the laughter overtook me and I began to wobble
with it, the dentist looked up irritably and said 'Am I hurting you,
Patricia?' (cf. other thread about calling people by their given names -
I *hate* being called 'Patricia' by people who don't know me! Makes me
feel nervous! The last place I want to be any more nervous thank I
already am is the dentist's chair!!!!)
Anyway, I'm not fond of the 'Mizz' word either. The dental nurse and I
have that much in common!
(Disclaimer already!!!! I *know* lots of others like and use the term.
I'm just saying that I, myself, personally don't, OK?)
Trish Brown
>
> I don`t like it at all - and was very irritated by young nurses calling me
> by my first name when I was in hospital (particularly as they insisted on
> calling me "Patricia" which I NEVER use - so if they thought they were
> making me feel at home, they were way out!). I wasn`t in a position to
> answer back then though, as I`d had a stroke! LOL!
>
> Pat P.
Pppbbllffftttt! Well, you've more than made up for it since, dear!
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!
Sheena
Sheena
Sheena
Pat Porter wrote:
> I don`t like it at all - and was very irritated by young nurses calling me
> by my first name when I was in hospital (particularly as they insisted on
> calling me "Patricia" which I NEVER use - so if they thought they were
> making me feel at home, they were way out!). I wasn`t in a position to
> answer back then though, as I`d had a stroke! LOL!
>
> Pat P.
>
That must have been tough Ms. Attila Porter
Sheena
just me
"Pat Porter" <pat.p...@ntlworld.com> wrote in message
news:ZVTF8.2882$Nh.1...@newsfep1-win.server.ntli.net...
> I don`t like it at all - and was very irritated by young nurses calling me
> by my first name when I was in hospital (particularly as they insisted on
> calling me "Patricia" which I NEVER use - so if they thought they were
> making me feel at home, they were way out!). I wasn`t in a position to
> answer back then though, as I`d had a stroke! LOL!
>
Funny story about nurses calling one names:
When I was 16 I was in the hospital for a surgery. One of the treatments,
post surgery, was several times daily baths [bath became a four letter word
that summer!]. Anyway,at six the morning after surgery the nurse came in to
waken me for my bath. I can still remember her saying Mrs. ______, Mrs.
______wake up for your bath! I was never so insulted in my life! Didn't
she know I was 16!
Now, many years later and married, I look back and laugh and laugh.
-Aula
Darla
Indian. Very few people who are not family members or old friends can
pronounce it correctly, and generally speaking, those not familiar
with it get it wrong. If it's mispronounced over the phone, "Sorry,
we have no one here by that name." If it's mispronounced
face-to-face, I generally correct them politely, although sometimes
I'll shrug and say, "Close enough." I prefer Ms to Miss; my marital
status is none of anyone else's business.
For the children of friends and family, Darla or Aunt Darla is fine.
For the children of strangers, or while I was teaching, "Ms (Miss) D"
or "Ms (Miss) Darla" would be acceptable.
Occasionally, a family member will call me "Dar." I'll accept this,
but I'll not accept any other variations. On a mail list I belong to,
one member took to calling me Darls. *cringe* That didn't last long
at all.
Darla
May the light always find you on a dreary day,
When you need to be home, may you find a way.
May you always have courage to take a chance,
And never find frogs in your underpants! -- Unknown
just me
"Claudia Brant" <cl...@darientel.net> wrote in message
news:McUF8.196$HI5....@eagle.america.net...
> I guess that since September 11, my thinking has changed. I actually like
> it when someone calls me by my first name, or "dearie" or "darling" in a
> store.
>
>
Now, if you called me an endearment and you were a salesperson you would be
without a sale. So much so that I might make it a point to find a different
sales person in that area to make the sale to me. While some people seem to
unconsciously pepper their talk with four letter words, some seem to call
others these endearments indiscriminately. Seems very false-faced to me.
In my opinion people need to get to know each other before moving into less
formal ways of relating to each other.
-Aula
Lorraine Taylor
they told us the new policy would be to look at the form and call the person
by name. First name to be exact. I didn't like it and was taken to task by
one lady I (trying to be an obient teller or automaton) called by her first
name. From then on every time she came in she took me to task again. Very
miserable. If you are getting called by your first name and don't appreciate
it I would go straight to the top and tell management what I think about it.
Usually they are the ones instituting these ideas having not worked with the
public themselves. Just handing down orders.
I feel better now as I step off my soap box.
Lorraine
"Sarah Koehler" <sdko...@attnospambi.com> wrote in message
news:9_RF8.39595$L76.33662@rwcrnsc53...
Sarah Koehler
of
> those of you who have answered negatively to this question!
I answered negatively and I'm 40.
kuranes
Carolyn Potts wrote:
> How do you feel about being called by your first name by strangers, i.e.
> telemarketers, shop clerks, receptionists, children and others?
Just fine. I hate being called by anything other than my first name. I
think titles are pretty useless and hate having them used in reference to
me.
Just Cari :)
Gill Murray
our doctor so much. He always comes in, shakes hands, and calls me Mrs
Murray. Now the dentist's receptionist calls me Gillian, whch I consider
disrespectful.
I have noticed though that in a couple of grocery stores chains, here in
Florida, the cashier looks at the name on my credit card, and says "Thank
you, Mrs Murray". I always go back to those people. On second thoughts, they
do tend to be the older staff, not the teenage group.
Children need a prefix, to show respect for a grown-up. I have been Ms Gill
to many kids, Aunt Gill to several and Grandma Gill to my husband's
grandchildren. However that differentiates me from the other two
grandmothers. (They are all my grandkids anyway, we share them).
Telemarketers......an entirely different kettle of fish. I just ask them
politely to hold on a minute, and push the hold button.
A pet peeve, but I consider it is because I am a crotchety GOW.
Gillian
"Carolyn Potts" <ko...@earthlink.net> wrote in message
news:JJPF8.711$Z_2...@newsread2.prod.itd.earthlink.net...
kd...@dnai.com
of my first name, Ms., Miss, or Ma'am. I've even answered to the
incorrect (in my case) Mrs.
The only thing I care about is if the person is *trying* to be polite
or friendly, if they are giving it their best shot. The effort
is *infinitely* more important to me than whether or not the results
match my personal preferences.
I'd rather get a well meant "Kathy" from a helpful clerk young enough to
be my daughter than a more correct "Ms. Dyer" from someone who otherwise
acts as if my presence has interrupted his or her day.
I always give huge, mega-bonus points for an honest effort.
Kathy
--
===========================================================================
Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kd...@dnai.com> "Sing as if no one were listening."
Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page
<http://www.dnai.com/~kdyer/>
Larisa Vann
to handle it (meaning that they don't make a big deal out of it). Our
babysitter knows me as Larisa, but when she is around DH and me, she calls
us Mr. and Mrs. Vann. As for the others:
-telemarketers get told that they are to remove us from their mailing list -
DH once took a call where it was a guy asking for me, and he told him
point-blank: "You don't know me, you don't know my wife, what right do you
ahve to call her by her first name?"
-shop clerks are usually told: "That's Mrs./Ms/Mr. Vann (depending on who it
is at the store)
-receptionists are hard for me. If I correct them, then I am afraid that it
comes across badly and will have bearing on whatever I was at the office for
(though I don't mind it in the pediatrician's office since I have been there
so often, and we've all shared info on our lives/spouses/kids, etc.)
JMHO,
Larisa
Carolyn Potts wrote:
> How do you feel about being called by your first name by strangers, i.e.
> telemarketers, shop clerks, receptionists, children and others?
--
To reply, remove: ha...@theplanet.com
Larisa Vann
currently 29). I STILL don not like people out of my close friends/relatives
calling me by my first name, unless I've given them specific permission to do
so. What makes it even more intersting is that I changed my name when I was 18
- there are people who call me Lara, and people who call me Larisa. When a new
person is introduced by a person from my "older" group of friends, I make a
point of telling them that my name is Larisa...they aren't close enough to me to
call me Lara. Even funnier, some of my family (who all call me Lara) have
started introducing me as Larisa - which is cool since the people they are
introducing me to don't know me....is this making ANY sense???
When I was growing up, I called most of my parents friends "Aunt" or "Uncle"
so-and-so. Until I was old enough to understand family rel;ationships, and
wondered how these people could be aunts and uncles when they weren't related.
Then I started calling them Mrs. and Mr. Most of them have since told me that I
can call them by their first names, though I only do so to a few - those who
still act as mature as 5 year olds.
Larisa
Dannielle Beitzell wrote:
> This line is extremely interesting. I am wondering the basic ages ranges of
> those of you who have answered negatively to this question!
>
> I, myself, am a Generation X'er who prefers to be called by my first name,
> as that is my identity. My last name, beautiful though it is, is a family
> name. I have had some women at church try to teach their children to call
> me Mrs. XXX, however I asked them to please call me by my first name, as
> Mrs. XXX is my mother-in-law!
>
> I love it when telemarketers call and try to ask for Mr. or Mrs. XXX because
> my last name is difficult to pronounce and it identifies them as someone
> that I don't want to talk to immediately!!!
>
> --
> Dannielle from NY
> http://www.frontiernet.net/~beitzell/dannielle/index.htm
> WIP's: Dimensions: Rose Drama
> Cross My Heart - I Thee Wed: For Richer or For Poorer
> (FINISHED!) and
> Love Like Springtime
> Daisy Kingdom: Raggedy Ann and Andy, Snowman with
> Trees, Minnie Moose, Heaven & Nature Jumper,
> Christmas Toile Tree Skirt, HoHoHo Vest.
--
To reply, remove: ha...@theplanet.com
Cindy
> telemarketers, shop clerks, receptionists, children and others?
I've never been addressed by my first name by a shop clerk or
telemarketer, but would not appreciate their presumptuousness. I'm
40-something, and was brought up to address my elders as Mr/Mrs, or
Aunt/Uncle if a close family friend. I usually choose to introduce
myself to children by my first name, to indicate how I wish to be
addressed. Much informality is a sign of the times, but in my many
years as a nurse, we often addressed confused or impaired patients by
their first names, as they responded more readily to it than a more
formal name.
Larisa Vann
in my area (Chase-Pitkin) and was asking for something (can't remember what it
was now). The salesman, an older guy, started to walk down the aisle and when I
started after him, he actually said: "Just you wait right there, Little Missy!"
I was in such shock that I just stopped, and with my mouth wide open, stared
down the aisle. I have NEVER been so insulted/humiliated/shocked/enraged. When
he brought back what I was asking for, I turned around, went to the front of the
store, and spoke to a manager, explaining that this was unacceptable behavior,
and that only under extreme circumstances would I ever shop in their store
again.
Fortunately, a new Home Depot just opened, so.....
Larisa
just me wrote:
Now, if you called me an endearment and you were a salesperson you would
bewithout a sale. So much so that I might make it a point to find a
differentsales person in that area to make the sale to me. While some people
seem tounconsciously pepper their talk with four letter words, some seem to
callothers these endearments indiscriminately. Seems very false-faced to me.In
my opinion people need to get to know each other before moving into lessformal
ways of relating to each other.
-Aula
Dianne Lewandowski
carries it in your family circle.
To tell children to call you by your first name, against the wishes of
their parents, is to invite trouble and confusion. For children to
call adults by their first name, except on rare occasion, is *very*
disrespectful and leads to all kinds of problems, such as over
familiarity. There should be a wall separating adults from children
for many reasons.
If a parent is telling their child to call you "Mrs XXX", and you
don't like it, you can ask the parent if they mind their child calling
you "Miss Dannielle". If the parent minds (and I may or may not,
depending on the circumstance), then you should respect that parent's
wishes and put up with the Mrs. XXX.
We don't live in society as individuals. We live in society as a
collective unit. Mostly to raise children to be respectful, kind,
caring and know their boundaries until they are able to take part as a
full-fledged adult. Unfortunately . . . .
Dianne - in her fifties and that's as close as I'm gonna get to the
actual number. :-)
KDLark
my mother was thinking! She says she heard it when watching an "English"
movie, and thought it was "sophisticated." Oh, yeah? Then what's with my
middle name? DARLENE! If that's not a grits-eating cracker name, what is?
Blech. So I think salespeople, etc., should use my last name, as long as they
remember there is not an "s" after "Larkin."
Since I AM a grits-eating cracker, I do tend to call students at work (school)
things like "honey" and "sweetie" and "buddy" and "dude" -- depending on their
age and how well I know them. There are 1,400 of them, and one of me...
Another good GEC thing I know is that "sir" is NOT always a sign of respect.
The more put out Confederate Generals seemed to get in all the Civil War
history books I read, the more likely they were to say "sir." ("You cannot do
that, sir! Your men will all be slaughtered, sir!" etc., etc.) So when I call
MY boss sir, I am following a Fine Old Tradition.
And I like "Ms." Why do women have to announce their marital status to the
world, when men don't?
Katrina L.
Dianne Lewandowski
70's, it was banned by those who publish business etiquette until the
late 80's.
Do you know what a problem that simple designation has caused? By
business and individuals alike? Reading these posts brought it all to
the forefront. Nobody knows what the heck to do anymore.
You're either married or you're not. Having Ms in front of your name
doesn't prove anything and won't protect you from stalkers. :-) And
the current trend for everyone to call you by your first name can
partly be blamed on the confusion of whether or not to use the word
Ms. It's a terrible "trend". We're not all one fuzzy "family" thank
you.
Dianne
Dianne Lewandowski
last name the first time I meet them. I kid around about it. But I
also tell them that they are perfectly capable of saying it. They're
not stupid, nor would I treat them as though they were. I say it
syllable by syllable and in 5 seconds they have it.
Adult strangers muddle through. I smile warmly and accept the
confused translation. If it's important, I help them say it. If it's
not important, I ignore the fumble. It's the gracious thing to do.
And as I look out my window . . . . IT'S SNOWING!!!!
Dianne
Denise F. Hayden
Denise
--
Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once.
-Shakespeare-
"Dianne Lewandowski" <dia...@heritageshoppe.com> wrote in message
news:3ce83c1c...@news.netnet.net...
Dannielle Beitzell
to be identified as a group, but as an individual. Yes, we are a society
that must work together and identify with each other, however, there must be
room for individual expression as well.
I did not tell these children to call me by my first name without consent
from the parent, as she did ask me what I preferred to be called. My last
name is way too difficult for children to master, and I really don't much
care for the formalities of titles at all. I could earn a Ph.D. and still
want to be called by my first name as that is my preference. My most
important identity is my Christian name....
Now, respect for adults by calling them by titles and last names, while
respect is imperative, the title is not. I grew up with tons of respect for
my elders and not once did I call them by anything other than their first
names. I don't believe a title will teach respect, leadership and role
modeling by the parents will.
One of the things that does annoy me more than anything is when people do
not spell my name correctly when I have just spelled it for them or it is
written down in front of them. But, I get over that in about two seconds
flat! I think I just don't have any of those nerves in my body that let
anger, annoyance or frustration last for longer than that!
But, I am still finding this line very interesting. I was unaware as to the
depth of feelings many have for what they prefer to be called. I have
always jumped in and called people by what they call me, and that may not be
the way they prefer! I would have to say, though, 95% of the time, I call a
person what they introduce themselves to me as. There are very few
occasions where I have initiated the "name calling" (oh, that does sound
bad!) prior to being told by the person themselves...which I think to be
most appropriate!
I hope that none of you are taking this as my being disrespectfully
demonstrative. I am just stating what I think. These are my opinions
alone, and I do appreciate the viewpoints you have all given. It is making
me take a second look!
Happy Stitching! :-)
--
Dannielle from NY
http://www.frontiernet.net/~beitzell/dannielle/index.htm
WIP's: Dimensions: Rose Drama
Cross My Heart - I Thee Wed: For Richer or For Poorer and
Love Like Springtime
Daisy Kingdom: Raggedy Ann and Andy, Snowman with
Trees, Minnie Moose, Heaven & Nature Jumper,
Christmas Toile Tree Skirt, HoHoHo Vest.
"Dianne Lewandowski" <dia...@heritageshoppe.com> wrote in message
news:3ce839f3...@news.netnet.net...
Linda D.
<lorrain...@hotmail.com> wrote:
><snipped> If you are getting called by your first name and don't appreciate
>it I would go straight to the top and tell management what I think about it.
>Usually they are the ones instituting these ideas having not worked with the
>public themselves. Just handing down orders.
>
>I feel better now as I step off my soap box.
>
>Lorraine
Yes, yes, please do see the Manager of the store where this is
happening. I work with a couple of gals who call customers by their
first name and to me it's like them scraping their fingernails down a
blackboard...it drives me nuts!
take care, Linda :)
Vancouver Island, bc.ca :) (remove 'nospam' to reply)
See samples of my work at www.picturetrail.com/Linda56
Linda D.
<dbei...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>This line is extremely interesting. I am wondering the basic ages ranges of
>those of you who have answered negatively to this question!
>
>I, myself, am a Generation X'er who prefers to be called by my first name,
>as that is my identity. My last name, beautiful though it is, is a family
>name. I have had some women at church try to teach their children to call
>me Mrs. XXX, however I asked them to please call me by my first name, as
>Mrs. XXX is my mother-in-law!
>
>I love it when telemarketers call and try to ask for Mr. or Mrs. XXX because
>my last name is difficult to pronounce and it identifies them as someone
>that I don't want to talk to immediately!!!
>
>--
>Dannielle from NY
I am 45 yrs. old and dislike having sales clerks, bank
tellers, and strangers, etc. call me by my first name. OTOH, I do ask
my son's friends to call me by my first name, if they prefer to call
me Mrs. so and so, that's fine too, whichever is most comfortable for
them is fine with me.
just me
I think most people who are in control of who they are being introduced
would normally make certain that they are introduced by the name which they
prefer to be called. That said, I always introduce myself by first and last
name. This may be a by-product of either working these several long years
or that I am the sixth of my name and I have always had to make a
distinction between me and my mother and her mother. Who knows? Anyway, I
always ask folks how they wish to be called if there is any uncertainty in
my mind. I particularly make an effort to do this when being introduced to
people who have names that have one or more common nick-names. There are
those, like our dear friend James, who adamantly prefers to use the full
name rather than a diminutive [and I'm noticing this as an increasing trend
in the under 10 year olds, btw].
-Aula, for whom no nick name has ever been found
Lorraine Taylor
bucking them on selling credit cards to students so I didn't feel I could
get away with this issue also. You're right, it's a hard position. I guess
that's why I work in schools now, much easier crowd.
Lorraine
"Cynthia Armistead" <use...@technomom.com> wrote in message
news:r9egeugifn0ddn443...@4ax.com...
> -----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----
>
> On Sun, 19 May 2002 21:56:50 GMT, "Lorraine Taylor"
> <lorrain...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
> >As a side note, I worked at a bank for years and the last year
> >before I left they told us the new policy would be to look at the
> >form and call the person by name. First name to be exact. I didn't
> >like it and was taken to task by one lady I (trying to be an obient
> >teller or automaton) called by her first name. From then on every
> >time she came in she took me to task again. Very miserable. If you
> >are getting called by your first name and don't appreciate it I
> >would go straight to the top and tell management what I think about
> >it. Usually they are the ones instituting these ideas having not
> >worked with the public themselves. Just handing down orders.
>
> I worked in a bank at one time (many years ago, 1985-86) and we only
> called customers Mr. or Ms. (lastname). It wasn't a rule, but it was
> clearly modeled as the only acceptable way to address customers. Had
> I been instructed to do otherwise, I would have had to tell the bank
> that I would not be so rude. You're in a hard position :-(
>
> Cyn
>
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> Version: PGPfreeware 6.5.8 for non-commercial use <http://www.pgp.com>
> Comment: http://www.technomom.com/cynthia/pgp/index.html
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>
> --
> http://www.technomom.com/
> http://www.haltabuse.org/
> Light is faster than sound, which is why
> some folks appear bright before they speak.
>
> Main WIPs: Celtic Blessings Sampler II (Phoenix Stitchery); What's Your
Sign, Baby? (Witches Stitches); Tri-Puzzle (Y-Knot Designs).
Dannielle Beitzell
rain, but it was there and I saw it! I want the sunshine and warmth of the
rays hitting me in my bathing suit along side the swimming pool! (Of
course, sun is the *only* thing that doesn't gag when I am in a bathing
suit!)
--
Dannielle from NY
http://www.frontiernet.net/~beitzell/dannielle/index.htm
WIP's: Dimensions: Rose Drama
Cross My Heart - I Thee Wed: For Richer or For Poorer and
Love Like Springtime
Daisy Kingdom: Raggedy Ann and Andy, Snowman with
Trees, Minnie Moose, Heaven & Nature Jumper,
Christmas Toile Tree Skirt, HoHoHo Vest.
"Dianne Lewandowski" <dia...@heritageshoppe.com> wrote in message
news:3ce83e68...@news.netnet.net...
Marie
(Boboette)
"Larisa Vann" <"hack"@theplanet...@twcny.rr.com> wrote in message
news:_RWF8.75985$2G1.28...@typhoon.nyroc.rr.com...
C Cordell
(MDT+3) From: "Lucretia Borgia"@hfx.eastlink.ca (Sheena)
>One telemarker asked 'for the man of the house' and I told him okay,
but he is not going to have much to say, he usually only meows and
painful though it is, he hasn't even been a man for several years.
Sheena
Sheena, I love your answer for "man of the house" requests!
I despise telemarketers who call me by my first name, especially those
who use the full name, which hasn't been mine since high school. (in the
dark ages, <G>!) I also loathe those who manage to stick an extra
syllable into my last name, changing it into another name altogether. I
usually just tell those they have the wrong number.
chris c
Karen
getting called darl etc.
My pet peeve however is when someone introduces their mother.
Hi Karen This is my Mum..... (You don't get told Mum's name.)
It's not quite as bad if its a man - it is at least likely that they have
the same last name. But with women it is a high possibility they they have
a different last name that her mother and you then have to later ask the
mums name or refer to her as whoever's mum.
My 17 year old daughter has instructions to always use my first name when
introducing me to her friends. I asked her to introduce me to her friends
etc as - this is my mum, Karen. I don't mind if they call me Karen , or Mrs
Jack. This way they know its OK with me if they use my first name.
Karen
Newcastle
Australia
"Carolyn Potts" <ko...@earthlink.net> wrote in message
news:JJPF8.711$Z_2...@newsread2.prod.itd.earthlink.net...
Liz Hampton
> From: Anna Begins <anna....@virgin.net>
> Reply-To: anna....@virgin.net
> Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
> Date: Sun, 19 May 2002 21:20:30 +0100
> Subject: Re: OT. First name basis
>
> Up until that point, we had always addressed non-familial adults by their
> titles (my ma loathes the the "Aunty" tag too)
Same here. My mom came from a large family so we had plenty of "REAL" aunts
and uncles. Other adults we met were Mr. or Mrs. unless they specifically
told us to use their first names. My DH does not mind being introduced by
nieces and nephews as: "this is my uncle, John" but he DOES NOT like to be
referred to as "Uncle John" because so many people misuse the term for
non-relatives. My only problem is when people I don't know call me "Lizzy".
:-)) I have no idea why, but some kids at the library can call me Lizzy and
it doesn't bother me at all, but someone else can do it and it makes my hair
stand on end. :-)))))
Liz from Humbug
Anna Begins
says...
> You're either married or you're not.
>
To be honest, it shouldn't make any difference whether I'm male or
female, so at best, for me, Ms is a compromise.
My usual way of signing business correspondence is just with my surname
and "Nic" as the first name - people can make of me what they will :)
--
Anna
We are all travellers in the wilderness of this world, and the best we
can find in our travels is an honest friend.
- Robert Louis Stevenson
Fred
I find Lew-an-dow-ski just as easy to pronounce as con-share-toe! My problem
is whether to say Dye-ann or Dee-ann? Grin.....
Fred
El Honcho Grande at
http://www.stitchaway.com
Visit my albums @ http://www.picturetrail.com
Username is stitchaway (no caps, no spaces)
Learn from the mistakes of others.
You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
Don't backstitch to e-mail, just stitchit
W.I.P. - "Fiddler on the Roof", "Romantic Venice",
"Ocean Princess", "Southwest Charm",
"Rainbow Trail", "Indian Pottery", "One Earth" and
"Spirit of the Full Moon".
"Dianne Lewandowski" <dia...@heritageshoppe.com> wrote in message
news:3ce83e68...@news.netnet.net...
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.362 / Virus Database: 199 - Release Date: 5/7/02
Dianne Lewandowski
pronounced Lev in dof skee
But, we don't say it that way. Hubby's grandparents who came here
went for the translation of Lee wen dow skee
I answer to about anything, and hate writing that many syllables on a
check. :-)
P.S. It's Dye ann
Dianne
On Mon, 20 May 2002 00:46:30 -0500, "Fred" <bksti...@icenter.net>
wrote:
Cheryl Isaak
"Aramanth Dawe" <ma...@ozemail.com.au> wrote:
> On Sun, 19 May 2002 15:42:33 GMT, "Carolyn Potts"
> <ko...@earthlink.net> wrote:
>
>> How do you feel about being called by your first name by strangers, i.e.
>> telemarketers, shop clerks, receptionists, children and others?
>>
> One of the advantages of having an unusual first name - most people
> look at it, make a few attempts then opt for "Mrs Dawe" (and even that
> gets mangled frequently - it's pronounced DOOR, not Dowie or Dawey or
> Davey or Dave).
>
> Aramanth
Gee what is so hard - you are named for the species that has such wonderful
names as Love Lies Bleeding and Joseph's Coat!
Smiles,
Cheryl
kuranes
> their parents, is to invite trouble and confusion. For children to
> call adults by their first name, except on rare occasion, is *very*
> disrespectful and leads to all kinds of problems, such as over
> familiarity. There should be a wall separating adults from children
> for many reasons.
While I agree that going against a parents wishes isn't the thing to do I
completely disagree that there should be a wall separating adults from children.
This is why so many children have a hard time finding adults that they can trust
to talk about important issues with.. just because there is that wall of
separation. The few times I have had parents tell there children not to call me
just "Cari" I've found it's better for everyone involved just to end the
friendship.
Of course, I also went to a high school where all teachers were called by their
first names.. I have much more respect for people who don't need to hide behind a
useless title.
Cari
kuranes
Dannielle Beitzell wrote:
> Yes, the last name is mine by right of marriage...however, I do not prefer
> to be identified as a group, but as an individual. Yes, we are a society
> that must work together and identify with each other, however, there must be
> room for individual expression as well.
>
> I did not tell these children to call me by my first name without consent
> from the parent, as she did ask me what I preferred to be called. My last
> name is way too difficult for children to master, and I really don't much
> care for the formalities of titles at all. I could earn a Ph.D. and still
> want to be called by my first name as that is my preference. My most
> important identity is my Christian name....
>
> Now, respect for adults by calling them by titles and last names, while
> respect is imperative, the title is not. I grew up with tons of respect for
> my elders and not once did I call them by anything other than their first
> names. I don't believe a title will teach respect, leadership and role
> modeling by the parents will.
Yes. Exactly :)
Cari
Lollee
>I do not mind being called by my first name, my last name, a diminuative
>of my first name, Ms., Miss, or Ma'am. I've even answered to the
>incorrect (in my case) Mrs.
>
>The only thing I care about is if the person is *trying* to be polite
>or friendly, if they are giving it their best shot. The effort
>is *infinitely* more important to me than whether or not the results
>match my personal preferences.
>
>I'd rather get a well meant "Kathy" from a helpful clerk young enough to
>be my daughter than a more correct "Ms. Dyer" from someone who otherwise
>acts as if my presence has interrupted his or her day.
>
>I always give huge, mega-bonus points for an honest effort.
>
Couldn't snip a thing. Says exactly how I feel to a tee! And I have a nickname,
which can cause confusion. Call me Lollee in some circles and people will look
all over, going "Who?" I used to try to keep my nickname separate from my real
name, and only use my real name at work, but then it got just too complicated,
so now I answer to either and tell most people both.
Lollee
"Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to
anger."
J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Fellowship of the Ring"
Pat Porter
I must say (going back to the dark ages!) that if we were allowed to call
teachers by their first names, it would have reached the situation which
seems to be prevalent today, that the teachers try to be "one of the kids"
and lose all respect. We had no respect at all for teachers who employed
that tack. We learned far more from ones for whom we we had a healthy
respect (even a touch of fear!) and still speak with genuinely fond memories
of our old Welsh Geography teacher, for instance, who filled us with holy
terror from time to time - we learned far more from him than from any of the
"softies".
I`d have been horrified if any of our children had been allowed to call
teachers - or any adult - by their first names. The title doesn`t GIVE
respect - but it DENOTES respect - a different matter altogether.
Pat P.
"kuranes" <kur...@starpower.net> wrote in message
news:3CE9010E...@starpower.net...
Susan Hartman/Dirty Linen
> LOL! There are women in our church choir whom I've called 'Aunty (insert
> name)' ever since I was a child. (That was the custom back then: to call
> adult friends by 'Aunty' or 'Uncle' So-and-So. Silly, but that's what we
> did!)
I have a group of close high school friends and we now live scattered
all over the country but keep in touch and get together every two years
or so for a "girls' weekend." So we all know all about each others'
kids, and talk about our families to each other and when we return home
we tell our families about the others. Some of these folks have direct
relationships with my children (two of them are godparents to my kids),
but my kids have only heard some of the friends in this group referred
to as "Aunt Peg in Seattle" or "Aunt Patti in Detroit", but they've
never met them.
Well, one day the phone rang while I was at the sewing machine and DD
(age 12) answered it. I figured the phone was for her and just kept
sewing. Then about 10 minutes later she came into the room with the
phone and said, "Here, Mom, it's Aunt Rose." "Aunt Rose?" I asked. "Who
is Aunt Rose?"
Well, it was Aunt Rose....someone else's Aunt Rose. Rose was just as
surprised and said, "You mean it's not xxx...I've been talking to your
daughter and it's a wrong number? I don't know you?"
DD said to me, "Well, she said she was Aunt Rose and she started out
asking how Chris was doing (Chris is DS's name) and I thought she was
one of *those* aunts that I just hadn't met"...LOL!
Sue
--
Susan Hartman/Dirty Linen
The Magazine of Folk and World Music
http://www.dirtylinen.com
Pat Porter
a widely used version of Mum (which of course is "Mom" in the US!)
Pat P.
East Anglian Xstitch
http://homepages.tesco.net/~porter
Replace the hun with porter to email
"Ruby Scott" <Stit...@ns.sympatico.ca> wrote in message
news:862ieug1s0qagm64t...@4ax.com...
> In a similar vein can some one tell me how to break my soon to be son
> in law from addressing me as Mam. Is that a southern thing or a
> military thing. Everything is yes Mam and no Mam or not that I know of
> Mam, I'll get her to call you back Mam. It was cute and quaint at
> first probably because it surprised me so.
> ruby
>
> "What should you give a man who has everything?
> A woman to show him how to work it."
Dennis or Karen Eichorst
Karen wrote:
>
> My pet peeve however is when someone introduces their mother.
> Hi Karen This is my Mum..... (You don't get told Mum's name.)
>
My solution to this was to call a friend's mom by whatever name the friend used
to introduce her. As a result, I called nearly all of my friends' moms "Mom".
If anyone asked that I do otherwise I did so willingly but in most cases it
seemed to go over quite well.
Karen E.
--
_______________________________________
"In the end, our society will be defined not only
by what we create but by what we refuse to destroy."
John C. Sawhill
Dennis or Karen Eichorst
Carolyn Potts wrote:
> How do you feel about being called by your first name by strangers, i.e.
> telemarketers, shop clerks, receptionists, children and others?
I don't care for it, but try to tailor my reaction to the situation. I
don't stay on the phone with telemarketers long enough to enter into a
discussion about it. So far I haven't encountered it from receptionists.
With children I prefer that a title be used but if the parents have already
introduced me to the kid by my first name I grit my teeth and bear it. Our
kids use titles and surnames or, with closer acquaintances, a title and
first name. Since my parents now live in Arkansas where this is fairly
standard practice, it's served us well. My mom's friend is "Miss Darla" to
our kids. When we were house-shopping we worked with a family of realtors,
husband/wife/daughter, and the kids called the parents Title Surname and
the daughter Title Firstname. On occasion I've had an adult friend suggest,
after I've used a Title Surname intro for our kids, that just Firstname is
fine. I reply that we prefer a more respectful form of address and offer
the Title Firstname option. no one's turned it down so far.
I recall an incident from my early teens, when an acquaintance of my
parents told me I didn't have to call him Mr. Surname and that Firstname
was fine. Problem was _I_ didn't feel comfortable with that and made up an
excuse to get around it (I already knew too many people with that first
name and would get confused. What a crock! He must have seen right through
it.) He remained Mr. Surname.
Really, though, it boils down to maintaining a degree of repect. I'd
much prefer a respectful "Karen" to a snarky "Mrs. Eichorst" (unless I'd
done something to deserve the snarkiness).
kuranes
Pat Porter wrote:
> Is it an area thing in America by any chance?
No. It's a Quaker thing.
> I must say (going back to the dark ages!) that if we were allowed to call
> teachers by their first names, it would have reached the situation which
> seems to be prevalent today, that the teachers try to be "one of the kids"
> and lose all respect. We had no respect at all for teachers who employed
> that tack. We learned far more from ones for whom we we had a healthy
> respect (even a touch of fear!) and still speak with genuinely fond memories
> of our old Welsh Geography teacher, for instance, who filled us with holy
> terror from time to time - we learned far more from him than from any of the
> "softies".
I think it's possible to inspire respect and not demand that someone use a title
to refer to you :) Perhaps if more adults were able to do that.. the world
would be a better place :)
> I`d have been horrified if any of our children had been allowed to call
> teachers - or any adult - by their first names. The title doesn`t GIVE
> respect - but it DENOTES respect - a different matter altogether.
I totally disagree. Treating someone with respect has nothing to do with
calling them by empty titles. Besides.. why should a child respect an adult
more than she respects a fellow child? Isn't respect something that should be
given to everyone? I certainly think that it is.
Cari
kuranes
Ruby Scott wrote:
> In a similar vein can some one tell me how to break my soon to be son
> in law from addressing me as Mam. Is that a southern thing or a
> military thing. Everything is yes Mam and no Mam or not that I know of
> Mam, I'll get her to call you back Mam. It was cute and quaint at
> first probably because it surprised me so.
> ruby
*grin* The first time DH met my parents (being straight out of boot camp)
he called my Dad Sir. LOLOL. Now my dad, like myself, is abhorrent of
titles and getting called Sir was just really funny :) Um.. he laughed in
DH's face. *grin* In fact, the whole family laughed. DH learned that
Sir doesn't apply to Cari's family members.. nor does Ma'am. Try calling
him Sir in return ;)
Cari
Gill Murray
females "Madam". I remember we felt so brave if we EVER called them Mr
Holland or Miss Jones. Also, classes were 35 -38 kids, there was absolutely
NO talking in class, no getting up from seats etc. I might add we learned a
whole lot in less years than my children did in their school systems. The
only exception to this was the three years we were stationed in Scotland,
and the kids went to the local schools. They were bored to tears when they
returned CONUS, because they had already learned all that!
Probably will raise a big fuss, but I think the respect and discipline this
induced brought a more serious side to studying; school isn't for fum, it is
to learn, and, even more, learn HOW to learn.
Gillian, FL
Pat Porter
and I don`t think later , more "with it" developments in this particular
area have achieved anything. Quite the reverse.
Pat P.
"Gill Murray" <Gillm...@mindspring.com> wrote in message
news:acb6m3$8bh$1...@nntp9.atl.mindspring.net...
Sheena
time we meet? Then again - better not - I would never be able to
straighten up again.
I think it's mostly his service training showing.
Sheena
Ruby Scott wrote:
> In a similar vein can some one tell me how to break my soon to be son
> in law from addressing me as Mam. Is that a southern thing or a
> military thing. Everything is yes Mam and no Mam or not that I know of
> Mam, I'll get her to call you back Mam. It was cute and quaint at
> first probably because it surprised me so.
> ruby
>
Sheena
wasn't it, fear was the order of the day, for the seniors as well as the
teachers. I found in later life it did me no harm. I learned at school as
Gill says, to learn how to learn. It has stood me in good stead.
More than having to be respectful at all times to the teachers, I hated the bath
situation. You had to have one every other day and you were not to take more
water than reached the red line painted on the bath, when you were in it. I
never figured out who it was that wanted more than their two inches of the
water, only the cold tap worked.
Sheena
F.James Cripwell
I think I have told this story before, and it happens to be true.
Some very good friends of ours had a nickname for the mother of the family;
"The Witch". When they wanted to be nice to her, they addressed her as
"Witchiepoo". A new neighbour moved into the house next door, and they
had a little girl whose nickname was "Twinkle-toes". So my friend called
the little girl "Twinkle-toes" and the little girl called my friend "The
Witch".
One day the little girl said "You are not allowed to call me
Twinkle-toes anymore". "Why not?" came the reply. "Well, my Daddy has
told me I am never to call you The Witch anymore".
--
Jim Cripwell. And Oh! my darling, Oh! my pet,
Whatever else you may forget,
Gilbert & Sullivan In yonder isle, beyond the sea.
The Gondoliers Do not forget you married me.
Cheryl Isaak
Cripwell" <bf...@FreeNet.Carleton.CA> wrote:
Thanks for the laugh Jim!
DS was known for years as Missy and later as Mitch the Bitch (and I wasn't
the one to call her that either!)
Cheryl
candy2suite
interest. There is an old saying, I don't care what they call me as long as
they don't call me late for dinner. I think it kind of defines how I feel.
It's not what they call me, but how they call me.
My legal given name is Candace Marie. Having been born and baptised
Catholic and given my age, the fact that it is also the name on by
baptismal certificate is telling. My mother shopped priest until she found
one who would not baptise me Marie Candace. She stood her ground when I
entered school, instructed me not to answer the nun who insisted on calling
me Marie and went to the pricipal's office with baptismal certificate in
hand. After that, through 13 years of parochial school (K-12), no one ever
called me anything but Candace or Candy. That is the name my parents gave
me, fought for me to use and the one I prefer to be called.
My mother also insisted that we call all none blood related adulats Miss, or
Mrs or Mr. (no Ms back then.) When I was in school being called by the title
Miss usually meant I was in trouble. When I first entered the work world it
made me feel old. I will respect a parents wishes if they want to have
their child call me this, but it still makes me feel old. I really feel it
is not what you are called but how it is said. Miss or Ms. or Mrs. said
with a sneer on the face or sarcasm in the voice is disrespectful even while
adhering to all of Emily Post rules. While a request from a child nicely
asking Candy for help holds
nothing but good will and trust . "Missy you just wait right here and I
will get it for you" can be very endearing from an older gentleman who is
trying to help. He too grew up in a different era and in all probabilty
meant nothing disrespectful, in fact quite the contrary. (By any chance was
"Missy" a term that was used by parents/teachers to address you when you
were being scolded?)
Personally I don't think my marital status is anybody's business but my own
and the tax department (and I am not altogether certain about them).
However I do not think changing from Miss to Ms corrects it and find the
whole situation silly. Having worked in jobs where forms required this
along with marital status, I noticed that the majority of married woman
still use Mrs. and Ms. was usually used by the single and divorced. Maybe
we should use Citizen and Citizeness from the French Revolution at least it
does not reveal any personal infromation. Why do we need any titles?
Don't get me started on the hyphenated. When this was at the height of
fashion it seemed that the women who went this route usually had the
longest, ugliest and or most unpronouncible names and were just making them
more so. One client gave my clerk a very nasty time when she tried to
politely explain why she could not use an account name of Bongiovani -
Wisnewski. I finally had to step in and tell her we would put anything she
liked on the account but it needed to be 18 letters or less or the computer
would shorten it for her.
I have a cousin who retained her birth name after marriage, but had several
friends who hyphenated. She now tells me that the children of these unions
are coming to the age when they are marrying and in one case a hyphenate to
a hyphentate. Realizing the insanity of being called Mr. and Mrs.
Doe-Roe-Jones-Smith, guess what name they have chosen to go with after the
union? Jane Doe-Roe and John Jones-Smith will be known as simply Mr. & Mrs.
John Smith (his fathers original surname).
Candy
Dianne Lewandowski
particular issue. She definitely disagrees with a lot of things and
we tread water, sometimes, talking about some issues <big grin>. But
on this issue of "respect for adults including a wall of separation"
and "calling adults by titles", we agree wholeheartedly. 35 is not
exactly ancient nor 'old school'.
Using titles does NOT deter children from talking to adults. It never
stopped me nor my friends from asking serious questions, and I NEVER
called an adult by a first name. I consulted family, parent's
friends, school officials. I would ask other kids in whom I had
confided who would be the best adult to "ask". But the title never
kept me from asking or confiding in an adult. In fact, it made me
feel "safe". A title meant an authority that more than likely knew
what he/she was talking about.
By the way: my husband, ten years younger, feels the same. When I
was taking care of infants for working mothers, the titles were
"Nanna" and "Mr. Tom". One mother didn't like it. I said fine. Find
another care giver.
We'll never change Cari's mind . . . but life might. Amazing how much
my daughter has changed over the past 5 years. And my neighbor after
giving birth.
Dianne
<pat.p...@ntlworld.com> wrote:
>Absolutely, Gill - but then you, Carolyn and I are all of the old school -
>and I don`t think later , more "with it" developments in this particular
>area have achieved anything. Quite the reverse.
>
<Gillm...@mindspring.com> wrote:
>> Probably will raise a big fuss, but I think the respect and discipline
>this induced brought a more serious side to studying; school isn't for fum, it
>is to learn, and, even more, learn HOW to learn.
>>
>> Gillian, FL
Anna Begins
says...
> To tell children to call you by your first name, against the wishes of
> their parents, is to invite trouble and confusion. For children to
> call adults by their first name, except on rare occasion, is *very*
> disrespectful and leads to all kinds of problems, such as over
> familiarity. There should be a wall separating adults from children
> for many reasons.
>
with young people in the Scout Association for many years, and not one of
them called me anything other than my given name, and I never had a
problem with discipline, familiarity or anything else.
Perhaps it's a cultural thing (being in the UK) but over here, no-one
would call an adult "Miss Anna" or similar, so we're left with either the
(inappropriate) "Aunt" or "Uncle" (which is basically *lying* to a child,
and confusing, in my opinion) or the over formal "Mr" or "Mrs".
Now I'm an adult, I always address my uncles and aunts by their given
names, and occasionally my parents, too.
I thought Britain was more formal about things, but I guess not :)
BTW, I'm 33.
Dawne Peterson
"Pat Porter" wrote ..
> Even worse is that ugly new invention "Ms." It really >infuriates me and
I ALWAYS correct people who <adress me thus whether by speech or letter.
If anyone has to use a title to address me, Ms. is my preference. I am not,
have never been (although married twice) and will never be Mrs. anything.
If anyone calls her and asks for Mrs. DH's Surname, it is a tipoff that it
is a telemarketer.
As my friend Beverley in law school said "Keep yuh own name, ladies. Yuh
can change men as many times as yuh wanna with no extra papuh wuk."
Dawne
Jennifer Vandeburg
receptionists I see frequently--yes. Children--depends. Context is
everything on this one.
The Wren
Jennifer Vandeburg
calls me "Jen". Is it so much effort to say "Jenny"? And if I have
been introduced to you as "Jennifer", do not, by God, go all casual on
me and call me "Jen"! There is just something about the sound of "Jen"
on a stranger's lips that grates on my nerves!
The Wren
> What really frosts my pumpkin is when some idiot uses a diminutive,
> which is even more familiar. The number of people in this world who
> are permitted to call me "Cindy" is extremely small and limited to
> blood relatives. That's it. And I don't like it then, it's just that
> I know I'm never going to change their habits without more work than
> it's worth. A stranger calling me "Cindy" is just beyond the pale.
> Nobody ever suddenly changes my partner's name (Sam or Samuel) to
> "Sammy" so why is it okay to do that with a woman's name?
>
> Cyn
>
Jennifer Vandeburg
The Wren
Dannielle Beitzell wrote:
>
> This line is extremely interesting. I am wondering the basic ages ranges of
> those of you who have answered negatively to this question!
>
> I, myself, am a Generation X'er who prefers to be called by my first name,
> as that is my identity. My last name, beautiful though it is, is a family
> name. I have had some women at church try to teach their children to call
> me Mrs. XXX, however I asked them to please call me by my first name, as
> Mrs. XXX is my mother-in-law!
>
> I love it when telemarketers call and try to ask for Mr. or Mrs. XXX because
> my last name is difficult to pronounce and it identifies them as someone
> that I don't want to talk to immediately!!!
>
> --
> Dannielle from NY
> http://www.frontiernet.net/~beitzell/dannielle/index.htm
> WIP's: Dimensions: Rose Drama
> Cross My Heart - I Thee Wed: For Richer or For Poorer
> (FINISHED!) and
> Love Like Springtime
> Daisy Kingdom: Raggedy Ann and Andy, Snowman with
> Trees, Minnie Moose, Heaven & Nature Jumper,
> Christmas Toile Tree Skirt, HoHoHo Vest.
>
> "Trish Brown" <kawb...@ozemail.com.au> wrote in message
> news:3CE8001A...@ozemail.com.au...
> > Carolyn Potts wrote:
> > >
> > > How do you feel about being called by your first name by strangers, i.e.
> > > telemarketers, shop clerks, receptionists, children and others?
> >
> > Hnnnnh! I *hate* it when people do that! Especially children or people
> > younger than me! What *really* frosts my pumpkin (Nina, 2000) is when
> > sales assistants etc call me 'Luv' or 'Dear' or 'Darling' etc!!! I
> > usually reply 'Sorry, I'm not your darling and nor are you mine. My name
> > is...'
> >
> > I was brought up to show absolute respect to others including not
> > misusing anyone's name without permission (having said that, I'm an
> > appalling nicknamer and probably irritate far more people than I mean to
> > in that way! Eh, Pattles?) It also irks me when adults encourage my DD
> > (who is only seven) to call them by their first name. Unless the person
> > is a very close family friend, I don't think it's appropriate. And even
> > then, it grates on my ear.
> >
> > LOL! There are women in our church choir whom I've called 'Aunty (insert
> > name)' ever since I was a child. (That was the custom back then: to call
> > adult friends by 'Aunty' or 'Uncle' So-and-So. Silly, but that's what we
> > did!) Now that I'm almost grown-up, they keep saying 'Oh, please call me
> > (insert name) - you make me feel so *old*!' It's almost *painful* to do
> > that! The Ugly Sister feels the same way and we often comment on how
> > hard it is to force ourselves to use the Christian names of these women.
> > It feels like sacrilege!
> > --
> > Trish {|:OI}
> > Newcastle, NSW, Australia
Jennifer Vandeburg
assume Mrs. is appropriate, you also screw it up! As a former sales
clerk, I should know! And younger women sometimes don't react to
"Ma'am"!
The Wren
Pat Porter wrote:
>
> Even worse is that ugly new invention "Ms." It really infuriates me and I
> ALWAYS correct people who adress me thus whether by speech or letter.
>
> pAT p.
>
> "Anna Begins" <anna....@virgin.net> wrote in message
> news:MPG.175215ec8...@news.CIS.DFN.DE...
> > In article <3CE8001A...@ozemail.com.au>, kawb...@ozemail.com.au
> > says...
> > > LOL! There are women in our church choir whom I've called 'Aunty (insert
> > > name)' ever since I was a child. (That was the custom back then: to call
> > > adult friends by 'Aunty' or 'Uncle' So-and-So. Silly, but that's what we
> > > did!) Now that I'm almost grown-up, they keep saying 'Oh, please call me
> > > (insert name) - you make me feel so *old*!' It's almost *painful* to do
> > > that! The Ugly Sister feels the same way and we often comment on how
> > > hard it is to force ourselves to use the Christian names of these women.
> > > It feels like sacrilege!
> >
> > It is one of my personal bug bears - adults wanting to be called "Aunty"
> > so-and-so.
> >
> > When aged seven, we moved house, and ended up next door to one of my
> > father's colleagues and his family.
> >
> > Up until that point, we had always addressed non-familial adults by their
> > titles (my ma loathes the the "Aunty" tag too) so when our new neighbour
> > said "I'm Auntie Josie" and turned round and said "You're not!" I'm
> > afraid I was rather a blunt child!
> >
> > Personally, I don't think it shows a lack of respect if a child calls you
> > by your given name. After all, that's what it's there for.
> >
> > However, I do agree with the posters who dislike people who use nicknames
> > uninvited.
> >
> > My "real" name is Nicola, although it's usually abbreviated to Nic, and I
> > introduce myself using one of the two. Some people don't appear to
> > listen, though, and call me Nicky - which no one ever does, and lives ...
> > :)
Cheryl Isaak
C
On 5/20/02 2:43 PM, in article 3CE943D0...@purdue.edu, "Jennifer
Jennifer Vandeburg
The Wren
kd...@dnai.com wrote:
>
> I do not mind being called by my first name, my last name, a diminuative
> of my first name, Ms., Miss, or Ma'am. I've even answered to the
> incorrect (in my case) Mrs.
>
> The only thing I care about is if the person is *trying* to be polite
> or friendly, if they are giving it their best shot. The effort
> is *infinitely* more important to me than whether or not the results
> match my personal preferences.
>
> I'd rather get a well meant "Kathy" from a helpful clerk young enough to
> be my daughter than a more correct "Ms. Dyer" from someone who otherwise
> acts as if my presence has interrupted his or her day.
>
> I always give huge, mega-bonus points for an honest effort.
>
> Kathy
> --
> ===========================================================================
> Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kd...@dnai.com> "Sing as if no one were listening."
> Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page
> <http://www.dnai.com/~kdyer/>
Jennifer Vandeburg
have also dealt with other people who used similar diminutives, and it
was OK. I hate having some condescend to me, or do belittling things.
But I had a customer that always called me "Hon" or "Darlin'" and it was
as natural as breathing. It is all in how it is said, I am convinced.
The Wren
Larisa Vann wrote:
>
> This strikes a chord with me. I went into a hardware store, one of the big ones
> in my area (Chase-Pitkin) and was asking for something (can't remember what it
> was now). The salesman, an older guy, started to walk down the aisle and when I
> started after him, he actually said: "Just you wait right there, Little Missy!"
> I was in such shock that I just stopped, and with my mouth wide open, stared
> down the aisle. I have NEVER been so insulted/humiliated/shocked/enraged. When
> he brought back what I was asking for, I turned around, went to the front of the
> store, and spoke to a manager, explaining that this was unacceptable behavior,
> and that only under extreme circumstances would I ever shop in their store
> again.
>
> Fortunately, a new Home Depot just opened, so.....
>
> Larisa
>
> just me wrote:
>
> Now, if you called me an endearment and you were a salesperson you would
> bewithout a sale. So much so that I might make it a point to find a
> differentsales person in that area to make the sale to me. While some people
> seem tounconsciously pepper their talk with four letter words, some seem to
> callothers these endearments indiscriminately. Seems very false-faced to me.In
> my opinion people need to get to know each other before moving into lessformal
> ways of relating to each other.
> -Aula
>
> --
> To reply, remove: ha...@theplanet.com
Jennifer Vandeburg
Southern thing (if that is where he comes from) and is totally about
respect and speech mannerism. You are probably better off just
accepting it along with his hair color and the shape of his nose and
ears.
The Wren
Dawne Peterson
try to address people in the manner which they prefer, whether it is what I
would prefer or not. I don't make a major point about what people call me,
although I will gently state my preference if the acquaintance will be
on-going Except when anyone calls me Dwayne, when I reserve the right to
get a tad frosty.
Dawne
Dawne Peterson
have formal academic rank, so am not a professor. My students call me
Dawne; I prefer it, and it recognizes that we are all adults. I find it a
bit funny, though, that while I am just Dawne, my daughter is "Ms. X", as
the highschool where she interns requires she be addressed in that way.
Young fuddy-duddy!!
Dawne
Trish Brown
<snip>
> Now I'm an adult, I always address my uncles and aunts by their given
> names, and occasionally my parents, too.
>
> I thought Britain was more formal about things, but I guess not :)
>
> BTW, I'm 33.
> --
> Anna
LOL! After my DN had given birth, she called me 'Trisha' a few times (I
think the little darling was thinking she'd Arrived or something).
Anyway, it was quite funny when, on the fourth occasion she said
'Trisha', her mother and I both chimed together 'Don't you mean
'Auntie'?
We take our titles quite seriously in our family and the Ugly Sister and
I call each other 'Aunt' to emphasise the point.
In fact (embarrassed little giggle), Aunt rang me up the other day and
said 'Ello, Aunty-paunty puddin' and pie...!' She was in a good mood,
having just purchased four french doors for her new house!
Trish Brown
>
> Thought you`d like that one, Trish, you - you -you - marsupial dingo!!!
> (???)
>
> Pat
Pppppbbbbbllllfffftt! Dingoes aren't marsupials! They're *placental*
mammals! Mind you, they're a *very* nice dog, albeit a bit timid for my
taste...
;->
Trish Brown
> My solution to this was to call a friend's mom by whatever name the friend used
> to introduce her. As a result, I called nearly all of my friends' moms "Mom".
> If anyone asked that I do otherwise I did so willingly but in most cases it
> seemed to go over quite well.
>
> Karen E.
I am a very bad, wicked girl. I often introduce Mum as '... and this is
my mother, Mum!' I miss saying 'This is my father, Dad'...
Dianne Lewandowski
think I spelled that right, but it's close enough). There were so
many French in the original South, and I do know that Sir and M'am are
a part (very strongly) of that culture. I think it is endearing,
although I'm from the Middle Atlantic and was not raised with this.
I'm with you on this, Ruby should accept his mannerism. At least he
doesn't have spiked green hair. <big grin> I know the adage: when
in Rome, do as the Romans do. But I'm also familiar with the one that
says (paraphrasing Paul from the christian bible] If you wouldn't eat
with a fork, but your guest does, then you should eat with a fork.
:-)
Dianne
Barbara Hass
> telemarketers, shop clerks, receptionists, children and others?
I recently got my Ph.D. I certainly don't mind if people call me Dr. Hass,
but I don't expect them to -- Miss is fine, I don't have a huge ego. But my
DBF and I have had this conversation: he will have his Ph.D. in a few
years. We'll likely be married before then. I don't care if it's Mr. and
Dr. or Mr. and Mrs. What I WILL mind is if, after he gets his Ph.D., people
refer to us as Dr. and Mrs. -- Mr. and Mrs. or Drs., but I will not put up
with Dr. and Mrs. -- I worked every bit as hard for my degree as he has!
I was brought up to refer to people by title (Mr., Mrs., Aunt). I
personally have had a hard time getting used to "Miss" because I *still*
have a hard time thinking of myself as an adult (at 27 yrs of age). My
friends with young kids have them refer to me as Miss Hass or Miss Barbara.
I remember when a woman I babysat for gave me permission to refer to her by
her first name - she was a good friend of the family by that time. My mom
heard me refer to her that way and gave me what for. Fortunately, the woman
explained that she preferred that I call her by her first name, and things
were fine after that.
In grad school, I had a hard time. My undergrad, everyone went by Dr.---,
and at Purdue, the profs all preferred a first-name basis with the grad
students (and most with the undergrads as well). I don't think it was lack
of respect, but to foster a learning environment and try to break down the
"wall" that intimidates some students to where they won't ask for help.
Took me a lot of getting used to!
I don't have any preference, really, though I think it's good for children
to learn the respectful addresses, and it's presumptuous of strangers to use
a first name. I'd rather say, "No, please call me Barbara," than the other
way around. And in business, hey, if you're not sure, Sir or Ma'am work
just fine!
Barbara Hass
Sheena
Sheena
Carolyn Potts
name is, and a month to get the last!!!!!!!!!!!!!news:3CE97B3B...@ozemail.com.au...
Carolyn Potts
irritation with the umpteenth telemarketer's call, that there would be such
a response.
How do *I* feel about it? Mostly I think it extremely presumptuous for
strangers to use my given name. They don't know me and I don't know them,
and frequently I would prefer it that way.
Having grown up in the "honorific" era, I still prefer that children not
call me by my first name. I have found that most of the parents I know
prefer that their children show the respect for my grey hair, and call me
Mrs. Whatever.
And I really and truly have an intense dislike of telemarketers and sales
people who use my given name without permission.
"Barbara Hass" <bh...@purdue.edu> wrote in message
news:3CE97EC3...@purdue.edu...
kuranes
Gill Murray wrote:
> Probably will raise a big fuss, but I think the respect and discipline this
> induced brought a more serious side to studying; school isn't for fum, it is
> to learn, and, even more, learn HOW to learn.
>
> Gillian, FL
I think that learning should be fun :) And I never felt that there was any lack
of respect caused by the lack of hollow titles. I respected my teachers because
they were smart, wonderful, intelligent and caring individuals. But I also
learned to respect my peers as well.
Cari
Trish Brown
>
> Yah, you did that to me and it took me an hour to find out what her *first*
> name is, and a month to get the last!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> > I am a very bad, wicked girl. I often introduce Mum as '... and this is
> > my mother, Mum!' I miss saying 'This is my father, Dad'...
> >
> > --
> > Trish {|:OI}
> > Newcastle, NSW, Australia
> >
Throaty chuckle! Yeah, I *did*, didn't I? Mum wants to know how you and
Lyn are doing: email pleeze? :-)
kuranes
Dianne Lewandowski wrote:
>
> We'll never change Cari's mind . . . but life might. Amazing how much
> my daughter has changed over the past 5 years. And my neighbor after
> giving birth.
>
> Dianne
Why should changing my mind be an issue here? We're talking about opinions and
preferences. Last time I checked.. that means that you're no more right than I am :)
Just different and with different desires.
Cari
Trish Brown
>
> This is amazing. I had no idea when I asked a question based on my
> irritation with the umpteenth telemarketer's call, that there would be such
> a response.
>
> How do *I* feel about it? Mostly I think it extremely presumptuous for
> strangers to use my given name. They don't know me and I don't know them,
> and frequently I would prefer it that way.
>
> Having grown up in the "honorific" era, I still prefer that children not
> call me by my first name. I have found that most of the parents I know
> prefer that their children show the respect for my grey hair, and call me
> Mrs. Whatever.
>
> And I really and truly have an intense dislike of telemarketers and sales
> people who use my given name without permission.
Maybe it has something to do with racial memories? Aeons ago, it was
felt that powerful magic could be wrought over a person if one only knew
his real name. For this reason, lots of peoples would confer two names
on new members: one would be the 'public' name and the other would be a
secret name, known only to its owner and the namegiver.
kuranes
Pat Porter wrote:
> Absolutely, Gill - but then you, Carolyn and I are all of the old school -
> and I don`t think later , more "with it" developments in this particular
> area have achieved anything. Quite the reverse.
>
> Pat P.
That's funny that you call this "old school" :) Quakers have been around a lot
longer than you have.. and they've never used titles. My high school, young at
200 years old, has always used first names for teachers. If that's not "old
school", I don't know what is :)
Cari
Gill Murray
same as fun! I loved my schooldays; I respected all my teachers, but I
ADMIRED, and respected, other teachers. A slight difference.
Nevertheless, I look at the humongous bookbags that children pull behind
them, on wheels like luggage, and think back to the simple leather satchel
that held all my homework! It wasn't the amount of work, it is the "make it
fun" concept of the current fat schoolbooks, in comparison to the thin, but
full of learning, books I brought home. I have worked with my grandchildren
on their homework; I don't know if it is two things.Difference in culture
(UKfor me, US for grandkids, both for my daughter), or difference in age (60
plus).
Needless to say, Cari, we are opposite ends of the poles regardings titles
etc., but the nice thing is that intelligent people can agree to disagree!
That's what makes life go around. It sure would be monotonous if we were all
"me,too"s. LOL
Happy stitching
Gillian
"kuranes" <kur...@starpower.net> wrote in message
news:3CE9A456...@starpower.net...
Larisa Vann
be in a hardware store in the first place. I was NEVER called "missy" by any
relative that I can remember, they usually used my entire name if I was in
trouble. Shoot, even to this day, if somebody uses my first and middle name
when they are talking to me, I wonder what I did wrong.
Larisa
candy2suite wrote:
> "Missy you just wait right here and I
> will get it for you" can be very endearing from an older gentleman who is
> trying to help. He too grew up in a different era and in all probabilty
> meant nothing disrespectful, in fact quite the contrary. (By any chance was
> "Missy" a term that was used by parents/teachers to address you when you
> were being scolded?)
Carolyn Potts
honorifics, Mr. Soandso, Miss Etc. etc.news:3CE9A713...@starpower.net...
Pat Porter
showing off!!!
Pat
"Trish Brown" <kawb...@ozemail.com.au> wrote in message
news:3CE97AC1...@ozemail.com.au...