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May 3, 2003, 11:55:51 PM5/3/03
Children Are Great
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at
uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued
writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask
police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then,"
said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie
my shoe?"

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking,
and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back
there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me

and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself
for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
"The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
"And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache
next morning."

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.

Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small

box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal
the deceased.

The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father
said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn ..... and into
hole he gooooes."
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just
wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write
and they won't let me talk!"

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old
leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I
found", the boy called out." What have you got there, dear?" With
astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's

Everyone bitches about Mondays!
Mondays aren't bad...
It's your job that SUCKS!!

Jeff Wisnia

May 4, 2003, 12:14:37 PM5/4/03
OT or not, I *liked* those:

Try this

A teacher has been arrested in the UK in possession of a drafting compass,
a protractor, and a straight edge.

It is claimed he is a member of the Al Gebra movement, carrying weapons of
math instruction.


Jeff Wisnia (W1BSV + Brass Rat '57 EE)

"I before E except after C"....(The height of insufficient weird ancient

michael wrote:


jim rozen

May 4, 2003, 12:40:11 PM5/4/03
In article <>, michael says...

>Children Are Great

Police 1a)

True story, related to me by my mom. She had been
visiting a friend, who had a *lot* of kids. The
household was not wrapped too tight as supervision
was pretty thin.

A cop came to the door to talk to the friend about
some outstanding parking tickets, while he was
talking to her, one of the household kids ran by
and, in one deft move, unzpipped the cop's fly.

The friend was apparently quite used to the kid's
behavior, as she paused a moment in the conversation,
and in one equally-deft motion, reached over and
zipped it back up.

According to my mom, the cop turned beet-red and
left, and the lady never did hear anything else
about the parking tickets.


please reply to:
JRR(zero) at yktvmv (dot) vnet (dot) ibm (dot) com

Walt Stewart

May 4, 2003, 2:57:00 PM5/4/03
Story! also related to me by my late mom..

(No nonsense lady but enjoyed a titter or two over life's little
amusements) Tells the story of the endless nights of sleeping in the
tube during the fearful days of the London blitz.
The lights have been out for some time and sleep is difficult on the
floor for young John with the jostling of people coming and going but at

last sleep comes. In the fog of half sleep John is aware of the warmth
against his back and of a gentle hand entering his trousers and deftly
doing it's work followed by the relapse into sleep.

Suddenly everyone wakens to the clatter of circuits snapping closed and
the brilliance of the fully restored power. Each in turn gazes around
and all that can be heard are two subdued voices proclaiming: John! ,,,

Oh my |ugg|! (o:

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