Three useless things to a pilot
William L. Bahn
Just a thought for all you students (as well as the rest
of us):
I saw a poster years ago (while I was a Civil Air Patrol
cadet) that showed a new angel ascending to heaven
and a crashed airplane far below. He was asking the
question, "Can you name the three most useless things
to a pilot? To save my life, I couldn't."
The answer, at the bottom of the poster, was:
1) Altitude below you.
2) Runway behind you.
3) Fuel in a fuel truck.
I'm still involved with Civil Air Patrol (alas, not as a cadet
anymore). If any one has any other similar diddies, I
would love to hear about them. I can then share them
with the cadets in my unit.
Richard C. McCann
On 5 Mar 1997, William L. Bahn wrote:
>
> I saw a poster years ago (while I was a Civil Air Patrol
> cadet) that showed a new angel ascending to heaven
> and a crashed airplane far below. He was asking the
> question, "Can you name the three most useless things
> to a pilot? To save my life, I couldn't."
>
> The answer, at the bottom of the poster, was:
> 1) Altitude below you.
> 2) Runway behind you.
> 3) Fuel in a fuel truck.
>
>
I've seen this before, but I'm trying to remember: is it altitude below
you or above you. Makes more sense if useless altitude is above you.
********************************************************************
Rick McCann, Super Genius and All-around Great Guy
EAA Member #533251
rc...@ra.msstate.edu
Let not thy airspeed fall, lest the ground come up and smite thee.
********************************************************************
Wyatt R Johnson
In article <01bc29be$97971fc0$5d68d2d0@BAHN>,
William L. Bahn <ba...@pcisys.net> wrote:
[snip]
>The answer, at the bottom of the poster, was:
>1) Altitude below you.
Shouldn't that be altitude above you?
Wyatt
Kevin Thorley
Shouldn't it be altitude above you? I've always heard that altitude
was your friend. ????
"William L. Bahn" <ba...@pcisys.net> wrote:
>Just a thought for all you students (as well as the rest
>of us):
>I saw a poster years ago (while I was a Civil Air Patrol
>cadet) that showed a new angel ascending to heaven
>and a crashed airplane far below. He was asking the
>question, "Can you name the three most useless things
>to a pilot? To save my life, I couldn't."
>The answer, at the bottom of the poster, was:
>1) Altitude below you.
>2) Runway behind you.
>3) Fuel in a fuel truck.
>I'm still involved with Civil Air Patrol (alas, not as a cadet
>anymore). If any one has any other similar diddies, I
>would love to hear about them. I can then share them
>with the cadets in my unit.
Kevin
kt...@mail.idt.net
http://shell.idt.net/~kthor/flying.htm
Jonathan Haas
William L. Bahn <ba...@pcisys.net> wrote:
>
>The answer, at the bottom of the poster, was:
>1) Altitude below you.
>2) Runway behind you.
>3) Fuel in a fuel truck.
Shouldn't this be altitude *above* you? Altitude below you is a
very useful thing indeed.
--
__/\__ Jonathan S. Haas | Jake liked his women the way he liked
\ / jh...@microsoft.com | his kiwi fruit: sweet yet tart, firm-
/_ _\ Gore in '97 | fleshed yet yielding to the touch, and
\/ Printed on recycled electrons| covered with short brown fuzzy hair.
LIESE REICH
In a previous article, ba...@pcisys.net ("William L. Bahn") says:
"Can you name the three most useless things
>to a pilot? To save my life, I couldn't."
>
>The answer, at the bottom of the poster, was:
>1) Altitude below you.
>2) Runway behind you.
>3) Fuel in a fuel truck.
Altitude above you, and
here's an additional one:
4) The question you DIDN'T ask.
LuizB
4) Your instructor on the ground
5) Your back up radio with no battery
6) The POH you left in your car
7) Your San Francisco Sectional while flying in Florida
8) Full tanks during fatal engine failure
9) That last thing your instructor was about to say when you took off for
your first solo
10) "What if" 's
Luiz Augusto | My Web Page: "Aviation: All you need to
1. Future private pilot, | know about getting started." Visit me at:
2. Currently student pilot, | http://www.geocities.com/CapeCanaveral/9183/
3. Love to flyyyyy!!!! | E-address: Lu...@aol.com
Lostmed
In article <5fmq0j$6...@Starbase.NeoSoft.COM>, posi...@Starbase.NeoSoft.COM
says...
>>1) Altitude below you.
>>2) Runway behind you.
>>3) Fuel in a fuel truck.
>
>very useful thing indeed.
>
>--
>__/\__ Jonathan S. Haas | Jake liked his women the way he liked
Unless you are inverted :-)
--
The cemetery is filled with indispensable people
(????????????)
Kelly Rhodes
Useless stuff for pilots:
-Yet another Sporty's catalog.
-Two straight weeks of beautiful VFR weather while working on your
instrument rating.
-That third 'I'd rather be flying' bumper sticker your friend bought
you.
-Your set of brand new tie-down lines at the little airport with no
tie-down rings.
-$100 for a burger, but the airport restaurant is only open Monday
through Friday.
-The tiny E6B on the watch bezel.
-The pair of brand new Ray-Bans you left lying on your kitchen table.
-Cessna seat rails.
-Cessna door latches.
-Any fuel gauge.
The extremely useless Kelly Rhodes
ba...@pcisys.net
In article <Pine.SUN.3.95.970306...@Isis.MsState.Edu>,
> > cadet) that showed a new angel ascending to heaven
> > and a crashed airplane far below. He was asking the
> > to a pilot? To save my life, I couldn't."
> >
> > 1) Altitude below you.
> > 2) Runway behind you.
> > 3) Fuel in a fuel truck.
> >
> >
>
> you or above you. Makes more sense if useless altitude is above you.
>
> ********************************************************************
> Rick McCann, Super Genius and All-around Great Guy
> EAA Member #533251
> rc...@ra.msstate.edu
> Let not thy airspeed fall, lest the ground come up and smite thee.
> ********************************************************************
You are absolutely right. It was a stupid slip on my part. I hope I'm
usually a little better proof-reading my posts than that. I can't wait
to see what kind of tongue lashing I get from Ms. Allen on this one.
(Sorry Dawn, couldn't resist).
Thanks for catching and pointing out my blunder.
Remember, Obey the incantations of the tower priests, lest chaos
and destruction reign in the traffic pattern.
-------------------==== Posted via Deja News ====-----------------------
http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Post to Usenet
Matthew R. Gallagher
The way I'v heard this phrased is:
The three most useless quantities in aviation:
1) Altitute above you.
2) Runway behind you.
3) Air in the fuel tanks.
In article <Pine.SUN.3.95.970306...@Isis.MsState.Edu>,
"Richard C. McCann" <rc...@Ra.MsState.Edu> wrote:
> On 5 Mar 1997, William L. Bahn wrote:
>
> >
> > I saw a poster years ago (while I was a Civil Air Patrol
> > cadet) that showed a new angel ascending to heaven
> > and a crashed airplane far below. He was asking the
> > question, "Can you name the three most useless things
> > to a pilot? To save my life, I couldn't."
> >
> > The answer, at the bottom of the poster, was:
> > 1) Altitude below you.
> > 2) Runway behind you.
> > 3) Fuel in a fuel truck.
> >
> >
>
> I've seen this before, but I'm trying to remember: is it altitude below
> you or above you. Makes more sense if useless altitude is above you.
>
> ********************************************************************
> Rick McCann, Super Genius and All-around Great Guy
> EAA Member #533251
> rc...@ra.msstate.edu
> Let not thy airspeed fall, lest the ground come up and smite thee.
> ********************************************************************
--
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ Matthew R. Gallagher (matt...@wwa.com) +
+ Gallagher & Petrak, Ltd. +
+ 39 S. LaSalle Street, Suite 1117 +
+ Chicago, Illinois 60603-1704 +
+ (312) 726-6670; (312) 726-4707 fax +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Robert Epps
How about a credit card with no available credit!
Greg Clark
Some other gems I picked up from a mailing list I subscribe to:
Truly superior pilots are those who use their superior judgment to
avoid those situations where they might have to use their superior
skills.
Rule one: No matter what else happens, fly the airplane.
Forget all that stuff about thrust and drag, lift and gravity, an
airplane flies because of money.
Flying is hours of boredom, punctuated by moments of stark terror.
Fly it until the last piece stops moving.
It's better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there
wishing you were down here.
An airplane will probably fly a little bit over gross but it sure
won't
fly without fuel.
Believe your instruments.
Think ahead of your airplane.
I'd rather be lucky than good.
The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the
pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out
into a sweat.
If we are what we eat, then some pilots should eat more chicken.
If you're ever faced with a forced landing at night, turn on the
landing lights to see the landing area. If you don't like what you
see, turn 'em back off.
A check ride ought to be like a skirt, short enough to be interesting
but still be long enough to cover everything.
Speed is life, altitude is life insurance.
No one has ever collided with the sky.
Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on
mine.
Always remember you fly an airplane with your head, not your hands.
Never let an airplane take you somewhere you brain didn't get to five
minutes earlier.
Don't drop the aircraft in order to fly the microphone.
An airplane flies because of a principle discovered by Bernoulli, not
Marconi.
Cessna pilots are always found in the wreckage with their hand around
the microphone.
If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the
stick back they get smaller.
Hovering is for pilots who love to fly but have no place to go.
The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man.... Landing is the
first!
Every one already knows the definition of a 'good' landing is one from
which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a 'great
landing.' It's one after which you can use the airplane another time.
The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.
There are two types of tail wheel (or retractable gear) pilot, those
who have ground-looped (landed gear up) and those that will.
If you've got time to spare, go by air.
(More time yet? Go by jet.)
IFR: I Follow Roads.
There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots, but there are no old
bold pilots.
You know you've landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to
taxi.
I had a fighter pilot's breakfast - two aspirin, a cup of coffee and a
puke.
Those who hoot with the owls by night, should not fly with the eagles
by day.
It only takes two things to fly, airspeed and money.
A smooth touchdown in a simulator is as exciting as kissing your
sister.
A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round and round
and reciprocating parts going up and down - all of them trying to
become random in motion.
Helicopters can't really fly - they're just so ugly that the earth
immediately repels them.
Young man, was that a landing or were we shot down?
Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make
all of them yourself.
Please don't tell Mum I'm a pilot, she thinks I play piano in a
whorehouse.
Pilots believe in clean living. They never drink whiskey from a dirty
glass.
Things which do you no good in aviation: Altitude above you. Runway
behind you. Fuel in the truck. A navigator. Half a second ago.
Approach plates in the car. The airspeed you don't have.
If God meant man to fly, He'd have given him more money.
What's the difference between God and pilots? God doesn't think he's a
pilot.
Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.
Flying is the perfect vocation for a man who wants to feel like a boy,
but not for one who still is.
There are four ways to fly: the right way, the wrong way, the company
way and the captain's way. Only one counts.
A good simulator check ride is like successful surgery on a cadaver.
Asking what a pilot thinks about the FAA is like asking a fireplug
what it thinks about dogs.
Trust your captain .... but keep your seat belt securely fastened.
An airplane may disappoint a good pilot, but it won't surprise him.
Any pilot who relies on a terminal forecast can be sold the Brooklyn
(or London) Bridge. If he relies on winds-aloft reports he can be sold
Niagara Falls (or The Tower of London).
The friendliest stewardesses are those on the trip home.
Good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad
judgment.
Being an airline pilot would be great if you didn't have to go on all
those trips.
Aviation is not so much a profession as it is a disease.
The nicer an airplane looks, the better it flies.
Why did God invent women when airplanes were so much fun?
Remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous?
If it flies, floats, or fucks; it's always cheaper to rent than to
buy.
Renting airplanes is like renting sex: It's difficult to arrange on
short notice on Saturday, the fun things always cost more, and
someone's always looking at their watch.
Jet and piston engines work on the same principle: Suck and squeeze,
bang, blow and go.
There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing:
Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
It's a good landing if you can still get the doors open.
First, listen to the question the student asked, then listen to the
question he didn't ask and then figure out the question he really
meant to ask.
Passengers prefer old captains and young stewardesses.
Be nice to your first officer, he may be your captain at your next
airline.
Any pilot who does not privately consider himself the best in the game
is in the wrong game.
It's best to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible.
If God had intended man to fly he would have given him enough money
for a Bonanza.
If an earthquake suddenly opened a fissure in a runway that caused an
accident, the NTSB would find a way to blame it on pilot error.
Tell someone you work for another airline and he'll tell you how much
better yours is.
Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind.
A terminal forecast is a horoscope with numbers.
A thunderstorm is never as bad on the inside as it appears on the
outside. It's worse.
Son, I was flying airplanes for a living when you were still in liquid
form.
Everything is accomplished through teamwork until something goes
wrong, then one pilot gets all the blame.
"Let's make a 360 and get the hell out of here!?!"
Don't trust nobody and don't do nothing dumb.
It's easy to make a small fortune in aviation. You start with a large
fortune.
If it doesn't work, rename it; if that doesn't help, the new name
isn't long enough.
There I was at 15,000 feet with nothing on the clock but the maker's
name - and that was on the back and peeling.
A male pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he's
flying, and about flying when he's with a woman.
A fool and his money are soon flying more airplane than he can handle.
Definition of a complex airplane: landing a tail dragger on pavement
with a 20 knot quartering crosswind.
When a forecaster talks about yesterday's weather, he's an historian;
when he talks about tomorrow's, he's reading tea leaves.
A thunderstorm is nature's way of saying, "Up yours."
Learning a little about flying is like leading a tiger by the tail --
the end does not justify his means.
The last thing every pilot does before leaving the aircraft after
making a gear up landing is to put the gear selection lever in the
'down' position.
Remember, you're always a student in an airplane.
Keep looking around; there's always something you've missed.
Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your
takeoffs.
Takeoff's are optional. Landings are mandatory.
Son, if you're trying to impress me with your flying, relax. Most of
the time I can't even impress myself.
You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
Greg Clark gr...@cooee.demon.com
kenlmhe...@gmail.com
f6f...@gmail.com
> Just a thought for all you students (as well as the rest
> of us):
>
> cadet) that showed a new angel ascending to heaven
> and a crashed airplane far below. He was asking the
> question, "Can you name the three most useless things
> to a pilot? To save my life, I couldn't."
>
> The answer, at the bottom of the poster, was:
> 1) Altitude below you.
> 2) Runway behind you.
> 3) Fuel in a fuel truck.
>
> anymore). If any one has any other similar diddies, I
> would love to hear about them. I can then share them
> with the cadets in my unit.
f6f...@gmail.com
> would love to hear about them. I can then share them
> with the cadets in my unit.
unless the plane was on fire.
It is generally better to keep the pointy end going forward...
You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
Flying is far safer than the sailing.
Many ships have been lost at sea...
No planes have ever been stuck up in the sky.
Take-offs are optional...
Landings are mandatory.
Flying is safe...
Crashing is dangerous.
The probability of surviving a landing is inversely proportional to the angle of entry. The lower the angle of entry, the higher the chance of survival (the inverse is also true).
alton.ledo...@gmail.com
On Wednesday, March 5, 1997 at 6:00:00 PM UTC+10, William L. Bahn wrote:
> Just a thought for all you students (as well as the rest
> of us):
>
> I saw a poster years ago (while I was a Civil Air Patrol
> cadet) that showed a new angel ascending to heaven
> and a crashed airplane far below. He was asking the
> question, "Can you name the three most useless things
> to a pilot? To save my life, I couldn't."
>
> The answer, at the bottom of the poster, was:
> 1) Altitude below you.
> 2) Runway behind you.
> 3) Fuel in a fuel truck.
>
> I'm still involved with Civil Air Patrol (alas, not as a cadet