Radio Shack Stories (confessions from ex-employee)
Evan Whitney
going to junior college. My first bad experience with this
very paranoid company was my job interview, strapped to
an extremely comfortable chair with electrodes attached to my
fingers, wrist and chest. Every employee knew the pleasure of
a polygraph test before being hired.
"Is your name Evan Whitney?" "Yes." (truth)
"Have you ever stolen anything." "No." (lie)
"Have you ever taken drugs?" "No." (truth)
... List of inane questions that not even Mother Theresa could
pass. I didn't pass the test. I knew I had been caught. I
wished to God I had never stolen than pack of Necco wafers when
I was four.
"Mr. Whitney, we have a problem." (Oh, boy, here it comes.)
"Tell me about your drug abuse problem."
I couldn't believe it. The test administrator was willing to
swear in court that I had connections with Colombian drug lords.
I knew what had happened. I was so upset at my response to
the "stealing" question that it messed up the responses to all
of the following questions, which happened to deal solely with
drugs. The polygraph was working fine, but a moron was
interpreting the results, which demonstrates quite clearly
the polygraph's Achilles' heel.
The interrogation continued for another half hour on just the
drugs. I still didn't pass. I think the guy believed me, and
really wanted me to pass, which made the whole thing seem so
pointless, not to mention degrading and dehumanizing.
Finally, he reduced the test to one question: "Have you ever
lied to me during this test?" It took a great deal of
concentration, but I managed to muster a successful "No."
"Well, okay, you pass."
From that experience, I now know how to pass a polygraph:
Get yourself worked up into a sweat, anticipating to lie
about every question. That will send the bloody thing through
the roof with each question, even though they know the answers
are true. (Is today Tuesday?)
I don't believe Radio Shack requires polygraph tests anymore as a
contingent of employment. I think it is illegal, and Tandy lost
a class action suit brought on by former Color Tile employees
who had been denied employment because of the polygraph.
Unfortunately, former Radio Shack employees did not bring on a
class action suit against Tandy. I would have received
compensation if they had, because I took a polygraph test on my
LAST day of employment, as well. I passed the test, and was
then fired -- not for lying, for telling the truth! They fired
me because I had admitted to taking three pennies out of the
cash drawer. I could have lied about it, but didn't figure it
was anything to worry about.
Appeals and protests from me and my boss made no difference.
This corporation cannot employ anyone who would stoop so low as
to take three pennies from the cash drawer when no one was
looking. My boss was sympathetic and pissed at the rediculous
hard-line attitude, but there was nothing he could do.
Actually, getting fired (technically, I was not fired, but was
not allowed to be re-hired during Christmas break) was good for
me. It got me out. Now I make more than twice as much money as
Radio Shack store managers (the honest ones, anyway), and I no
longer have to plead for and scribble down any irate customer's
address anymore. God, I hated to do that!
So now you know why Radio Shack employees behave as they do:
1. Pathological bullshitters who lie so often that the polygraph
is reduced to a quivering mass.
2. Subhumans who have no responses that a polygraph can measure.
3. Non-humans who have been able to pass a polygraph by telling
the truth, and thus, by definition, need a life quite badly.
Which category do I belong to? Well, I don't work there anymore,
so the question is moot.
More to come: ultra-low-end-audio
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ev...@hpscdc.scd.hp.com { Do not simplify the design of a program
{ if a way can be found to make it complex
{ and wonderful. - Fortune