When Kitchen Nightmares, Fox's loud and bleep-filled restaurant makeover
show, airs an episode Friday that was shot in a Pinecrest restaurant,
there's one moment I'm sure you won't see: my near-arrest by the Fox
Reality Police.
After a tip from a reader that Kitchen Nightmares might be shooting at
the Scandinavian restaurant Fleming, I dined there the night that the
show set up its cameras. And when I tried to surreptitiously jot down a
few notes, I caught the eye of one of the shrill producers barking
orders at waiters and customers.
``What are you doing?'' she demanded, striding briskly to my table.
``Just jotting down some thoughts,'' I replied, truthfully if
incompletely.
``I'm going to have to take your notebook,'' she said in a harsh voice
as her eyes flitted this way and that, looking for a convenient wall
against which I could be lined up and shot. (And not with a camera.)
``You are not taking my notebook,'' I corrected her. One of the cameras
must have caught the look on her face, an exquisite blend of
astonishment and rage: Doesn't this tattered peasant know I'm from
TELEVISION? She actually looked so crazed I thought she might leap
across the table and grab the notebook. Instead, she stalked over to her
crew, which gave my table a wide berth (and numerous dirty looks) for
the rest of the night.
I haven't seen Friday's episode of Kitchen Nightmares, which airs at 9
p.m. on WSVN-Fox 7. But I'm willing to bet any and all takers a month's
worth of dinners at Fleming that it won't include the confrontation over
the notebook or anything else that hints at just how unreal a reality TV
show can be.
On the night I was there last July -- the first of six during which
Kitchen Nightmares taped -- everything was faked, starting with the
diners. Most were ringers, recruited at a site in Broward where another
reality show was shooting. ``I'd never heard of this place,'' one man
confided as we sat in a production office, waiting to sign a release
that said we understood we were being taped. ``But this is a cool chance
to be on TV.''
Once inside the restaurant, 8511 SW 136th St., the producers made it
clear exactly what we needed to do to be on TV: Complain, volubly and
bitterly. ``If you have something to say about the food or the
service,'' a producer instructed, ``give us a signal so we can bring the
camera to the table. Once we're there, don't look directly at the
camera, but speak in a loud voice so the microphone will pick you up
clearly.''
Since even the un-media-savviest of the diners understood that shouting
``Waiter! Waiter! This is the best damn salmon I've ever tasted!'' was
not likely to make the air, the producer's speech unleashed a gushing
torrent of querulous complaints: The tomatoes were small. The martini
was weak. The chicken was undercooked. The chicken was overcooked.
At the table next to mine, three couples from Fort Lauderdale tormented
the waiter so viciously that I really thought he might cry. (Great shot,
camera No. 1! Zoom in on his eyes!) Watching them was like a scene from
a culinary Lord of the Flies as their nostrils flared at the scent of
videotaped blood.
``Waiter, the lettuce in my salad is dry and wilted,'' shouted one man.
``Hey, so is mine!'' chimed in another. Amazingly, all six salads at
their table turned out to be dry and wilted. Even more amazingly, the
two at mine were just fine. And while I can't say I enjoyed the dining
experience -- it was like eating dinner in the middle of a flock of
squawking parrots who learned English from Rodney Dangerfield -- I
thought my food was pretty good. (Perhaps more significantly, my opinion
was shared by my companion Sue Mullin, a former Miami Herald dining
critic who has written three cookbooks.)
But that doesn't fit in with the standard Kitchen Nightmares narrative,
which is that acid-tongued British chef Gordon Ramsay takes over some
swill-trough of a restaurant and overnight turns it into haute-cuisine
heaven, mostly through the strategic application of four-letter words.
(Typical of Ramsay's constructive criticism: ``You fat, useless sack of
bleeping Yankee-dankee doodle bleep!'')
Ramsay wasn't there the night I ate at Fleming, but as owner Andy Hall
told me this week, the abuse only got worse when he showed up. ``It was
a mentally and emotionally draining experience,'' Hall said. ``He yelled
at me a lot. He yelled at everybody, but I'm the one who really took the
brunt of it.''
Hall says he volunteered his restaurant for the show in hopes the
publicity would bring in more customers. But he also expected to get
some sage off-camera advice in addition to the onslaught of on-camera
insults.
``Insights from a Michelin chef, what could that hurt?'' he says. ``But
what was really disappointing was the amount of time you get with him.
It's actually no time, off-camera. What you'll see on the show is what
we got. The whole thing is about their TV show, not about cooking or the
restaurant business.''
As for the rampant fakery that I saw at Fleming on the night of the
taping, Hall -- who signed enough releases and nondisclosure agreements
to turn the Amazon rain forest into a parched desert -- chooses his
words carefully. ``It's, well, it's a TV show, that part's correct,'' he
muses. ``Reality is a very loose word to use.''
No bleep, buddy.
--
It is simply breathtaking to watch the glee and abandon with which
the liberal media and the Angry Left have been attempting to turn
our military victory in Iraq into a second Vietnam quagmire. Too bad
for them, it's failing.
>BY GLENN GARVIN
That's a really interesting article. On the other hand, I don't think it
contains a single surprising revelation. I pretty much said the same
thing, six months ago, just by inference.
The one place that I'm concerned the article goes wrong is concerning the
quality of the food. Without doubt, the producers manipulate things so as
to film complaints. But equally without doubt -- unless the owners
themselves are lying their asses off -- they don't take the show to even
marginally successful restaurants. It's really not in the show's best
interest and every episode I've seen involves an owner crying that they
are on the verge of losing the restaurant, their savings, and their house.
"Reality" TV is fake; film at 11.
Can't say I'm displeased to see Kitchen Nightmares, in particular, get
exposed as a fraud; it's the bastard that fucked up Fringe's scheduling
this year. That makes it a worthy target of scorn and a deserving target
of cancellation in my opinion.
--
"I'll admit that I'm impotent" -- WQ IV in
<0b50d7c9-fe3a-4c38...@h9g2000yqm.googlegroups.com>
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.arts.tv/msg/26238a15df076ab8
>Michaele: Very desperate and insecure but I did not hate her (at least
>on camera) as much as I thought I would. I heard in the season preview
>one of the women voice over that she and her husband had not been
>paying their bills. I read her husband is the captian of the US Polo
>Team... how much money would that make?
Nothing!! It's all FAKE! He made it up for his stupid World Polo
Tournament or whatever. Everything about these people is a sham. They're
more bankrupt and fraudulent than all the broke-ass ATL & NJ ho'wives
combined. I really have to wonder what level of delusion or narcissism
exists for these people. She was never a Redskin, never a model, never a
socialite. His parents had a successful winery which he ran into the
ground and he has all these bogus events and charities. It's an entire
made-up life. The reality is lots of debt and lawsuits against these
phonies.
And because it can't be said enough, I assure the rest of the country
the majority of us here in DC do not sit around and constantly talk
about Obama, policy or our connections to the corridors of power. Even
real wonks don't talk like these people.
We all know the patrons are egged on to complain on the American
version. Past episodes where some guests go out of their way to be
obnoxious to get camera time (the guy who ordered a pizza on his cell
comes to mind) prove this to be true. However, I do question the writer
saying the food was more than passable as did her food critique friend.
If the food was as good as that article made it seem, then there would
have been more customers around than the Blue Hair Brigade, I'd imagine.
> Which explains the ludicrous scene of a dozen dinners sending their
> food back to the kitchen. That place may be bad, but that just looked
> so staged. (Staff and couple seemed genuinely happy for the changes
> though. That part, I remain a sucker for).
>
I didn't give much though to food being sent back, it was the scenes
where they have the public in, and they are sitting around forever
waiting for the meals. Sometimes the cooks even walk out while
there are paying customers sitting in the restaurant. If the restaurants
were like that normally, they'd have no customers.
Michael
In the bits, and pieces of "Kitchen Nigthmares" I've seen (including some
of the "Fleming" ep), it's so obvious ish is staged. There's no way the
"food comtamination" bit was real.
I've seen a tiny bit of the UK "Kitchen Nigthmares", and it didn't seem
staged at all. I think the UK version was the real deal.
>In article <3522736557394...@yahoogroups.com>,
>johan...@gmail.com wrote:
>>
>>Which explains the ludicrous scene of a dozen dinners sending their
>>food back to the kitchen. That place may be bad, but that just looked
>>so staged. (Staff and couple seemed genuinely happy for the changes
>>though. That part, I remain a sucker for).
>>
>>On the up side, aside from the mandatory "food contamination" scene
>>there was less conflict and angst than usual. The head chef was
>>presented as being a competent cook, the owning couple had a warm
>>relationship, the servers had good attitudes. And when their stove
>>roke GR got them a new stove, not a plaque.
>>
>>On the other hand if the chef was not the problem it still doesn't
>>explain why half the restaurant was sending back the food from the
>>original menu - are we supposed to believe that this menu was so
>>infernally bad that even a good cook couldn't wrangle an edible dish
>>from it?
>
>We all know the patrons are egged on to complain on the American
>version.
Yes, the show has changed radically since the 2004 BBC series in so many
ways. More money, more forced dramatics, bigger audience. More
formulaic, too. In the BBC series, Ramsey was a lot more considerate of
people's feelings.
--
Doomsday
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Even without having read the article, it was apparent "the fix was in"
as soon as they started fielding complaints from the customers. Who
returns their meal because "I don't like how it tastes" or "it is
bland"?? And the "it is mushy". On previous shows, I've felt that Gordon
comes down harshly on restaurants that serve cuisine that he has
negative opinions about, and "fixes" menus to present his likes -
whether or not they have anything to do with the restaurant's original
concept or the owners' preferences. Here it was apparent to me that he
dislikes Scandinavian food, perceiving it as bland and mushy. So that
was what they scripted the shills to complain about. (Disclaimer: I
watched with an interest in Scandinavian food in general and in my case,
a Swedish family background.)
The linked article suggests that the previous menu at Fleming wasn't
HORRIBLE and inedible. It seemed to me that the combination of owners
who had no clue about Danish food (and apparently never thought to
travel anywhere to visit outstanding Danish restaurants) and an
apparently excellent Cuban chef who was also unfamiliar with Danish
cuisine and was struggling to keep from "Cuban spicing up" the menu he
was handed could very well produce food which lost its roots. (That
abortion was NOT gravlax, for example.) IMO, while it would have been
realistic to investigate whether there WAS a market for a Danish
restaurant in spicy Miami, it wasn't automatically necessary to trash
the concept and replace it entirely. But as soon as I could tell Gordon
hated his perception of Scandinavian food, I realized his approach would
not be to refine and improve the quality of Danish food, keeping the
restaurant as a niche, but to replace the entire restaurant with a
plastic Gordon solution clone.
There were other issues there - but Gordon chose to jump on his dislike
of Scandinavian food for the total replacement for some reason. Which is
unclear, because a dirty walk-in and cross-contamination have been big
drah-ma bringers on other episodes. Maybe the "nice" factor kicked in.
johan...@gmail.com wrote:
>On the up side, aside from the mandatory "food contamination" scene
>there was less conflict and angst than usual. The head chef was
>presented as being a competent cook, the owning couple had a warm
>relationship, the servers had good attitudes. And when their stove
>roke GR got them a new stove, not a plaque.
Maybe it was apparent off-screen that the owners were not really
comfortable with a Danish restaurant but were reluctant to reshape it -
who knows, maybe the former owner was still around and they were afraid
of offending him. And a Gordon redo would shift the blame.
Interesting that the article mentioned filming going on in the
restaurant for six days. Proof that the "day 1/day 2/day 3" is indeed
faux.
Oh - and I do have to admit that the tinfoil swans were cool. Better
than the average take-home swan. Altho not particularly environmentally
sensitive, perhaps Gordon could have come up with a way to incorporate
them into the day-kor.
Let's be honest here: Gordon has about as much say on this show as he
does Glee or Family Guy. I have a feeling in this case the producers
decided before hand that a Scandinavian restaurant in Miami was a stupid
idea and they'd get more drama time/a better storyline if they just
changed it entirely. You can almost see Gordon having to jump through
loops to make excuses for the change on the episode himself, including
his very stupid "random polling of people who just happen to be walking
by an empty storefront in the rain" produced bit.
That and the owners didn't seem as tied to the Scandinavian cuisine as
much as the repeat customers they see come in, no matter how few they were.
I'm still not 100% sold on the "The food was good, people just complained
for camera time" side of the newspaper article. Yes, a lot of the complaints
were pretty stupid on the show and I'm sure a few of those people were
just sending back their comped meal to get on Fox, but I don't think it
was as bad as the reporter said. Let's face it: if the food was more than
alright, the problem really would be the kind of food being served not
having a market and not the quality of the food being served.
Honestly, the recap of this season that starts next season will be pretty
bleak if they do it. So many of these restaurants just don't have a chance
no matter how great the revamp. And if they are doing it for camera time,
I think next week's episode shows that Fox isn't against sitting on these
episodes for a year or more.