SNL reruns this week (Nov 9-15)
Frank Serpas III
Below, find this week's schedule of reruns of Saturday Night Live,
along with episode summaries taken from the SNL Episode Guide, which
is available at SATURDAY NET (http://www.io.com/~serpas/snl.html).
To receive this information weekly via e-mail, send the message
subscribe snlreruns
to majo...@lists.io.com (leave the "subject" line blank).
~~~
The NBC episode for this Saturday night (09-Nov-02) is new:
02e Nia Vardalos / Eve
In some markets, it will be followed by a "classic" episode:
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90e Jimmy Smits / World Party
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cold: Bush (DAC) emphasizes foreign-sounding name of potential foe Mario Cuomo
mono: DOP provides a Spanish translation of host's story
COMM: Chia Head- an organic alternative to traditional baldness countermeasures
show: Game Challengers- (host) competes to reclaim Native American artifacts
skit: NBC News employees overdo their Spanish pronunciations; Bob Costas cameo
show: Simon (MIM)- while in the tub, a neglected English boy shows his drawings
song musical guest performs "Way Down Now"
news in Central Park, JAH interviews New York Marathon last-place runner (CHF)
skit: (host) is frustrated by ditzy (JUS)'s short attention span & bad stories
show: The Dark Side- Nat X (CSR) discusses race with host & Gerry Cooney (KEN)
skit doormen (ROS) & (KEN) discuss building tenants behind their backs
skit (host), (VIJ), (CHF) live in a mobile home in NYC, with some difficulty
song musical guest performs "Ship of Fools"
skit: (host)'s clever-sounding verbal reversals irritate fellow policeman (DAC)
~~~
The following 60-minute versions of SNL episodes will air on
Comedy Central (CC) & E! Entertainment Television (E!); all times EST...
Sa 09-Nov-02
8:00am CC 89n Fred Savage / Technotronic
1:00pm CC 92c Joe Pesci / Spin Doctors
2:00pm CC 95q Steve Forbes / Rage Against The Machine
3:00pm CC 92b Tim Robbins / Sinead O'Connor
4:00pm CC 98l Gwyneth Paltrow / Barenaked Ladies
5:00pm CC 98a Cameron Diaz / The Smashing Pumpkins
7:00pm CC 00a Rob Lowe / Eminem
10:00pm E! 01j Josh Hartnett / Pink
Su 10-Nov-02
12:30pm CC 98n BIM / Lucinda Williams
Mo 11-Nov-02
noon CC 89r Alec Baldwin / The B-52's
2:00pm CC 94b Marisa Tomei / Bonnie Raitt
3:30pm E! 79d Buck Henry / Tom Petty
6:00pm CC 96d DAC / Dr. Dre
7:00pm E! 01p Cameron Diaz / Jimmy Eat World
8:00pm CC 00i Charlie Sheen / Nelly Furtado
9:00pm CC 00t Christopher Walken / Weezer
11:30pm CC 98l Gwyneth Paltrow / Barenaked Ladies
1:00am E! 79f Howard Hesseman / Randy Newman
2:00am CC 89l Quincy Jones / many musical guests
Tu 12-Nov-02
noon CC 90o Michael J. Fox / Black Crowes
2:00pm CC 97l John Goodman / Paula Cole
3:30pm E! 76h Paul Simon / George Harrison
6:00pm CC 93s John Goodman / The Pretenders
7:00pm E! 01m Jonny Moseley / Outkast
10:00pm E! 01g Derek Jeter / Bubba Sparxxx, Shakira
11:30pm CC 99l Julianna Margulies / DMX
1:00am E! 76r Julian Bond / Tom Waits, Brick
1:00am CC 96t Jeff Goldblum / En Vogue
2:00am CC 91s Tom Hanks / Bruce Springsteen
We 13-Nov-02
noon CC 94r Courteney Cox / Dave Matthews Band
2:00pm CC 89b Rick Moranis / Rickie Lee Jones
3:30pm E! 75n Desi Arnaz / Desi Arnaz, Jr.
6:00pm CC 00k Jennifer Lopez
7:00pm E! 01i Ellen Degeneres / No Doubt
11:30pm CC 95q Steve Forbes / Rage Against The Machine
1:00am E! 77f Buck Henry / Leon Redbone
1:00am CC 91h Hammer
2:00am CC 95b CHC / Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories
Th 14-Nov-02
noon CC 94j Jeff Daniels / Luscious Jackson
2:00pm CC 91r Jerry Seinfeld / Annie Lennox
3:30pm E! 78o Margot Kidder / The Chieftains
6:00pm CC 98g Jennifer Love Hewitt / Beastie Boys
7:00pm E! 01b Seann William Scott / Sum 41
11:30pm CC 99m Ben Affleck / Fiona Apple
1:00am E! 79e Bea Arthur / The Roches
1:00am CC 91f Linda Hamilton / Mariah Carey
2:00am CC 98h Vince Vaughn / Lauryn Hill
Fr 15-Nov-02
noon CC 88s Wayne Gretzky / Fine Young Cannibals
2:00pm CC 91j Rob Morrow / Nirvana
3:30pm E! 76q Jack Burns / Santana
6:00pm CC 96o Sting / Veruca Salt
1:00am E! 77c Hugh Hefner / Libby Titus
2:00am CC 92n BIM / Sting
3:00am CC 89c Kathleen Turner / Billy Joel
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75n Desi Arnaz / Desi Arnaz, Jr.
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cold: Ford (CHC) undergoes a free association test with his analyst (DAA)
comm Rubin Carter (GAM) carries National Express Card to get recognized
skit (JAC) consoles husband (CHC) after unsuccessful sex on his 40th birthday
comm Luciana Vermicelli's (LAN) book details her ghoulish beauty regimen
show Literary Recital- host's Cuban accent mangles Lewis Carroll's Jabberwocky
misc Caucasian guy Very White's (CHC) sexy singing attempt isn't very soulful
skit: failed I Love Lucy pilots have other Ricky Ricardo (musical guest) mates
misc: host welcomes a surprise guest- SNL prop man Willie Day [real]
COMM Speed {rerun}
NEWS Betty Boop cartoon serves as artist's rendering of Patty Hearst trial
show: The Untouchables- Eliot Ness (DAA) tracks Lucy (GIR) & Frank Nitti (host)
show: Lucy (GIR) shows Ethel (JAC) costume ideas for sneaking into Ricky's club
song: LAN, host, musical guest, SNL Band perform "Cuban Pete"
misc: Gary Weis [real] introduces his film
FILM: by Gary Weis- Taylor Mead [real] lauds his cat as it gets high on catnip
skit: practitioner of Cuban acupuncture (host) uses cigars on (JOB)'s migraines
skit: (CHC)'s nonsense words make communication with girlfriend (LAN) difficult
comm Bisexual Minute- (JAC) recounts an early American's lesbian affair
misc: Lucille Ball (GIR) comments on her inclusion in host's new book
song: host, musical guest, SNL Band perform "Babalu"
misc at closing, host leads conga line of castmembers through studio
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76h Paul Simon / George Harrison
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COLD: host says "hi" to CHC on way into studio; LOM haggles with musical guest
mono: turkey costume-wearing host complains to LOM about his wardrobe
COMM: all-natural Quarry cereal is full of minerals because it's made of rocks
song: host performs "50 Ways To Leave Your Lover"
show: Baba Wawa At Large- Henry Kissinger (JOB) talks about his career
show The Twilite Zone- Rod Serling (DAA) joins three starlets in a hotel room
NEWS: LAN reports from a Long Island diner full of Nazi war criminals
news: JAC asks viewers to suggest how Morris The Cat should kill himself
news: GAM reports on a new strain of gonorrhea that kills penicillin
SONG: host & musical guest perform "Here Comes The Sun" & "Homeward Bound"
SONG musical guest performs "Crackerbox Palace" in music video
skit Billy Paul (host) fights for civil rights in an ice cream parlor
song: host performs "Something So Right"
show: Tomorrow- it's clear that Tom Snyder (DAA) has no idea who host is
FILM musical guest performs "This Song" in a musical courtroom
song: host performs "Bridge Over Troubled Water"
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76q Jack Burns / Santana
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cold: JOB refuses to say SNL's opening line until his demands are met
mono: host fulfills a lifelong yearning by touching himself
skit: Larry & Bobbi Farber have Coneheads over for dinner
song musical guest performs "Black Magic Woman"
skit: (host) performs a militaristic wedding service for Marines (DAA) & (JAC)
skit Eliot Ness (DAA) & Untouchables take over India from Indira Gandhi (LAN)
news: JAC begs cardboard cut-out of Harry Reasoner to join her at SNL
comm: old-fashioned pharmacist (DAA) prescribes leeches to (BIM) & (GIR)
news: JAC announces the Oscar winners with results stolen from accounting firm
skit: The Story Of The Squatters- crouching early Americans settle the frontier
misc: host blows suicidal businessman skit by doing his jump without ducking
FILM by Gary Weis- host trains for SNL Rocky-style
misc host drinks a raw egg to show that his training worked
show Ask Big Daddy- Idi Amin (GAM) thinly covers massacres of citizens
FILM Mirage- desert vending machine fails to quench a traveller's thirst
comm: Ricardo Montalban (DAA) tells how Pantygrams send messages via underwear
song: musical guest performs "Europa"
misc drunk, washed-up comedy writer (host) approaches JAC & GIR in a bar
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76r Julian Bond / Tom Waits, Brick
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cold: Emily Litella's new love makes her feel like a "national" woman
comm: Lowell Brock (JOB) takes time to do taxes right because he's doing time
show: Black Perspective- GAM & host on IQ differences among & within the races
skit: host & Andrew Young (GAM) confront Carter (DAA) about campaign promises
song Tom Waits performs "Eggs & Sausages"
show: Dr. X, Family Counsellor (DAA)- weirdo assesses catatonic Colleen (GIR)
comm: (host) uses Right On Afro Lustre, the hairspray in a fist-shaped canister
news: during a related story, the landing of the Concorde SST drowns out JAC
skit: Great Moments In Motown- a musical group adopts hand gestures & dancing
comm: announcer (BIM) sidetracks a little girl (GIR) as she eats Creeley's Soup
show Bad Cinema- Truman Capote (JOB) & others review "ooh-la-la! les legs!"
song: Brick performs "Dazz"
skit the Farbers try to convince host of their neighborhood's racial tolerance
skit Mr. Mike Meets Uncle Remus (GAM)- MOD tells a tale involving Brer Rabbit
FILM by Gary Weis- Patti Smith [real] discusses censorship & her SNL gig
comm: George Wallace (JOB) lists supposed improvements to the South's bad image
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77c Hugh Hefner / Libby Titus
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cold: cartoonish nude (LAN) poorly recites some of Playboy's Party Jokes
mono: host sings "Thank Heaven For Little Girls" as explanation scrolls by
COMM vacant (JAC) uses Angora Bouquet soap to wash her face & her brain
skit: spaceships of Planet Of The Men & Planet Of The Women use sexual weapons
song musical guest performs "Fool That I Am"
misc GAM reminds viewers of the Anyone Can Host Contest
skit: vigilante X-Police (BIM) & (DAA) terrorize pot smokers (JOB) & (JAC)
skit: Carter (DAA) interrupts circular bed sex research of host & (JAC)
show: Listening To Great Music- JOB on images evoked by "Ride Of The Valkyries"
NEWS: press conference footage of Anita Bryant [real] getting a pie in the face
news: (TOS) leads a tour group through the Weekend Update set
news: Nadia Comaneci (GIR) says "come see me perform while I'm still cute"
news: NBC Dancing N hands DAA a bulletin- cocaine & heroin don't mix
show: Sex In Cinema- love scene actors obey letter but not intent of Hays Code
show 3 R's- catatonic Colleen's father (JOB) seeks damages from educators
MISC The Story Of H- host provides autobiographical narration
skit: host introduces The Playboy Philosophy to Socrates (JOB) & Plato (GAM)
skit: eulogist (BIM) cheers mourners by performing magic tricks during funeral
misc Andy Kaufman [real] sings "Oklahoma" & farm animal song, apes Elvis
skit the Farbers run into host while spending an evening at the Playboy Club
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77f Buck Henry / Leon Redbone
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misc: The Waltons Eat Their Young will not be seen tonight
cold: the Anyone Can Host Contest finalists meet GAM, GIR, host
mono: the Anyone Can Host Contest finalists give their qualifications
COMM: Little Chocolate Donuts made JOB's decathlon world record possible
skit: Samurai Psychiatrist- Futaba helps Mr. Dantley with parental issues
skit: director Brian Whitney (BIM) has actor Howard (host) abuse a stunt baby
comm: the AMOA ensures that motel bathrooms are "sanitized for your protection"
song: musical guest performs "Champagne Charlie"
news: artist's renderings illustrate how the genetic messenger determines sex
news: LAN cursorily interviews the Anyone Can Host Contest finalists
news: DAA & JAC ask Baba Wawa questions about Anwar Sadat's visit to Jerusalem
skit (GIR)'s train ride to Kiev involves yesterday-today-tomorrow confusion
show The Rickey Rat Club- host & Ratketeers spend Anything Bad Can Happen Day
misc ALF & TOD narrate a montage of images documenting their history
skit Jackie Onassis (GIR) realizes TOD is choking, not playing charades
FILM: by Gary Weis- the Anyone Can Host Contest finalists try to influence host
song musical guest performs "Please Don't Talk About Me When I'm Gone"
FILM: "Life After Death" by TOS- "take a number, be seated" experience recalled
misc: at closing, DOP reminds viewers to submit Anyone Can Host Contest ballots
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78o Margot Kidder / The Chieftains
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misc: Little Women & Big Basketball Players will not be seen tonight
cold: on St. Patrick's Day, Jimmy Hoffa (JOB) subs for Mayor Daley's ghost
mono: bad camera work is traced to control room's St. Patrick's Day celebration
COMM: grunt work while docked in Bayonne shows the truth of The Navy Adventure
skit: (host) is visited by unsexy Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute (DAA)
song: musical guest performs "If I Had Maggie in the Wood"
skit (host) solicits money for Irish poor at St. Mickey's Knights of Columbus
news Father Guido Sarducci gives examples of canonization politics
news BIM sings "Happy Birthday" to a bust of Albert Einstein
news: DAA & JAC do a Point-Counterpoint about Lee Marvin's divorce settlement
skit: superheroes attend a party thrown by Superman (BIM) & Lois Lane (host)
misc ALF plans to sue General Mills for using his image on Frankenberry cereal
misc Pity Thy Neighbor- down-on-his-luck (TOD) fails to get any support
show: Men's Problems- women discuss their perspectives on guys' troubles
song musical guest performs "Morning Dew"
FILM: "Mr. Bill Is Hiding" by Walter Williams- in a closet, away from Mr. Hands
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79d Buck Henry / Tom Petty
...............................................................................
cold: saving Fred Silverman's life in the Korean War wrote host's ticket to SNL
mono: security guards protect unfazed host from a mob that's sick of seeing him
comm: rebuffed (GIR) settles on sharing Harley's Bristol Cream with Honker
skit The Mystery Of Toad Island- inbred residents have amphibian traits
skit Lisa & Todd try to get Marshall & Enid to go on a date
song: musical guest performs "Refugee"
news Jack Van Arks (ALF) defends the chemical industry with mundane facts
NEWS: footage depicts enormous response to Find The Popes In The Pizza Contest
news: Father Guido Sarducci picks Find The Popes In The Pizza Contest winner
show: Bad Clams- (GAM) & (YVH) feed Lucille Ball (GIR) rancid seafood
comm: How To Talk To Your Grandparents- record album helps youngsters get gifts
FILM: "Life After Death" {rerun}
comm: Speci-Pak carrying case keeps severed body parts fresh on way to hospital
skit: during prenuptial talks, lawyers (host) & (HAS) break up (BIM) & (LAN)
song musical guest performs "Don't Do Me Like That"
skit: (host) scares (JAC) & (GIR) during a desperate drive home for the toilet
misc: cast chases host out of the studio after he wears out his welcome
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79e Bea Arthur / The Roches
...............................................................................
cold: Reagan's aide (HAS) outlines the elderly candidate's nap-filled schedule
mono: after host sings "Let Me Love You," pianist PAS passionately kisses her
COMM: Spud Beer- boat people lift their spirits with the potato-based brew
skit First He Cries- (BIM) tries to cope with his wife's (GIR) mastectomy
skit: (TOD) not wanting to go to school leads to a Soviet takeover of the USA
song: musical guest performs "Bobby's Song"
NEWS: shattered backboard footage documents fate of unused DC-10 windshields
news: in the name of science, ALF uses various methods to torture live roaches
NEWS: Hindenberg footage chronicles end of Thanksgiving parade Snoopy balloon
skit: eating Thanksgiving dinner in aunt's (host) basement makes adults regress
show: Woman To Woman- Connie Carson seeks downside to (host)'s ideal motherhood
comm: Tom Clay tells why Saveco's prices are low- they resell recalled products
skit (PAS) & (HAS) preview their rock opera about Charles Manson & Jay Sebring
FILM: "Mr. Bill Builds A House" by Walter Williams- Mr. Hands aids construction
comm revival band Los Beatolos Cubanos performs Latin takes of Fab Four hits
misc: Andy Kaufman [real] taunts female viewers & invites them to wrestle
song: musical guest performs "Hallelujah Chorus"
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79f Howard Hesseman / Randy Newman
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cold: Great Moments In Rock & Roll- James Brown (GAM) abandons Scottish music
mono: to guard against extremism, host leads audience in a pro-restraint chant
show: The Bel Airabs- (host) & (GAM) try to steal fortune of Abdul (DON) & kin
song: musical guest performs "It's Money That I Love"
song musical guest performs "Pants"
news: paternity suit victim Chico Escuela on backboard-shatterer Darryl Dawkins
news: ALF says goodbye to the selfish 70's & introduces the Al Franken Decade
skit (GIR) explores personal growth with old (BIM) & new (host) boyfriends
skit: WKRP star host shares studio time with real deejay Steve Marvin (HAS)
skit The Nuclear Family- radiation-sick power plant neighbors are lethargic
song: musical guest performs "The Story of a Rock & Roll Band"
FILM "First Love, part 1" by Aviva Slesin- JAC keeps missing Walter Cronkite
comm: The Holiday Inn Horror- maid (GIR) repeatedly disturbs guests' slumber
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88s Wayne Gretzky / Fine Young Cannibals
...............................................................................
cold: Carter (DAC) is bullied while observing Panamanian election improprieties
COMM: Sleepytime {rerun}
show: host hooks a big one while fishing with anal-retentive Gene
SHOW: Wayne's World- a hockey fantasy with host & wife Janet Jones [real]
show This Week With David Brinkley (PHH)- pundits take discussion outdoors
song: musical guest performs "She Drives Me Crazy"
news a mysterious voice (PHH) summons DEM to build his Field Of Dreams
news ALF suggests saving money by combining euthanasia & the space program
news the Field Of Dreams summons original SNLer "Moonlight" Graham (DAC)
skit: after Kings lose Stanley Cup, celebrities join host in the locker room
show: Point Blank- neither host nor (VIJ) has much advice for callers-in
song: musical guest performs "Good Thing"
skit: Waikiki Hockey- a Hawaiian busboy (host) has Elvis-like experiences
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89b Rick Moranis / Rickie Lee Jones
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cold: Jackie Mason (host) apologizes & endorses Ronald Lauder for NYC mayor
mono: host plays with SNL Band, works around the studio, delivers a baby
skit: Leona Helmsley (NOD), Zsa Zsa Gabor (VIJ), Bakkers (JAH) & (host) go nuts
show: Honey, I Shrunk Hans & Franz- the tiny musclemen deal with a mouse
song: musical guest performs "Satellites"
news Mr. Subliminal comments on Manuel Noriega & the situation in Panama
news PHH gives George Steinbrenner Health Watch update for hopeful Yankee fans
news detestable stereotype Frenchy (JOL) offends & disgusts during commentary
skit: Merv Griffin (host) does all the work at his money-losing hotel
skit: (PHH), (host), (MIM), (NOD) unsuccessfully try to ride a wild horse
song: musical guest performs "Ghetto Of My Mind"
skit new commissioner (PHH) alters baseball rules in memory of Bart Giamatti
skit in a bar, (JAH), (NOD), (VIJ) bother a cute guy (host) with baby talk
show: Word Busters- contestants have to come up with the correct pain response
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89c Kathleen Turner / Billy Joel
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misc: Art Squad will not be seen tonight
cold: The Miracle Of Fatima '89- American flag tells (host) "don't burn me"
mono: host actually talks like VIJ, the sexy voice is just for movies
show: Plug Away- John Travolta (DAC), host, Lee Iacocca (PHH) promote selves
show Die Squaren Ost Berliner- celebrity defections make game difficult
comm Donheiser (DAC)- German Donahue's audience has defected to the west
song: musical guest performs "We Didn't Start The Fire"
news: one-man mobile uplink unit ALF gives drug war report from NYC crackhouse
news: PHH gives George Steinbrenner Health Watch update for hopeful Yankee fans
news: AWB says that the San Francisco earthquake is not the end of the world
skit: Egg Man (PHH)- an ovum confidant counsels (host) about her wild son (DAC)
comm Lank Thompson (MIM) plugs his "I'm A Handsome Man" course
COMM 555-TOON- phone sex from Jessica Rabbit (host) & other animated babes
skit All About Deborah Norville (host)- Jane Pauley (JAH) faces competition
song: musical guest performs "Downeaster Alexa"
skit average-seekers (host) & (KEN) enjoy their run-of-the-mill blind date
comm: Linda Ellerbee (NOD) & Willard Scott (JOL) do final ad for Maxwell House
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89l Quincy Jones / Tevin Campbell & Kool Moe Dee & Big Daddy Kane & others
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cold: Pumping Up With Hans & Franz- a muscle serenade for Valentine's Day
mono: host conducts SNL Band to celebrate Nelson Mandela's freedom
COMM Century 21 Marriage Counselors- relationship advice has been franchised
skit after Hoke (host) quits, Toonces takes over Driving Miss Daisy (JAH)
show: The Bob Waltman Special- tears from Marion Barry (host) & Reagan (PHH)
show Jazz Perspectif- obsequious hipsters (DAC) & (JOL) idolize "le Q" host
song musical guests perform "Back on the Block"
news DOP tells what the Gotti jury has won for finding the mob boss not guilty
skit reverend (host) & rabbi (JOL) try to repair a rift between blacks & Jews
skit: Tonto, Tarzan, Frankenstein peruse Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Issue
song musical guests perform "We Be Doinit"
skit Soviet Central Committee rubber-stamps Gorbachev's (PHH) wild proposals
skit House Committee On Dials & Gauges questions (KEN) about unsafe controls
misc: Tonto, Tarzan, Frankenstein sing "We Are The World"
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89n Fred Savage / Technotronic
...............................................................................
cold: Church Chat- Church Lady & niece (host) criticize Marla Maples (JAH)
mono: Wonder Years narrative documents host hitting puberty while on-stage
skit: results of leaving (host) home with gun demonstrate firearm safety don'ts
show: The Pat Stevens Show- guests are neglected daughter Missy (VIJ) & host
song musical guest performs "Pump Up The Jam"
news KEN reports audience's displeasure with News From 10 Feet Away bit
news Annoying Man's magic tricks include chewing foil & scraping a chalkboard
news irate audience member (RBS) concludes KEN's News From 10 Feet Away
news Grumpy Old Man dislikes bottled water, athletic footwear, amusement parks
skit: (host)'s parents pressure him to develop a more creative imaginary friend
skit: Space Shuttle countdown is repeatedly stopped due to launch pad wanderers
skit on a hunt, Lothar Of The Hill People prepares son (host) for manhood rite
song musical guest performs "Get Up!"
FILM "Hooked On Sushi" by TOS- Japanese restaurant literally lures (KEN)
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89r Alec Baldwin / The B-52's
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cold: Bush (DAC) talks about the environment, licks reefer-laden glaucoma drops
mono: host charms the audience by posing for the camera until VIJ stops him
skit: Greenhilly- Mr. Cherrywood (host) kisses (JAH), (VIJ), (NOD), (PHH), dog
skit The Environmentally Conscious One (host)- biker fights against pollution
skit: the Greta Garbo (JAH) James O'Brien (host) knew really wanted to be alone
show Only In New York- Joey Adams (PHH) jokes while wife Cindy (NOD) gossips
song: musical guest performs "Cosmic Thing"
news ten feet away from the newsdesk, KEN reports audience reaction to the bit
news arrogance & ignorance are the biggest threats to the government, says AWB
news DEM displays the hottest new toy- New Kids On The Chopping Block dolls
skit: (JOL) follows his dream & makes The Nude Talk Show a cable access success
skit: sexual tension is thick as waitress (JAH) takes (host)'s breakfast order
song: musical guest performs "Channel Z"
skit: Middle-Aged Man Ed Miles (MIM) helps out with (host)'s impotence problem
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90o Michael J. Fox / Black Crowes
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cold: during a Bush (DAC) speech, Dan Quayle (host) doesn't know when to clap
mono: host meets two versions of himself (DAC) & (DAS) Back From The Future
COMM: Chia Head {rerun}
skit circus owner (PHH) tells clown (host) that his stinging act isn't working
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on taking a dog on the Space Shuttle
skit at his high school reunion, hitman (KEN) is quick to volunteer services
song musical guest performs "Thick & Thin"
news: AWB says easy post-Vietnam wars were good preparation for domestic strife
show: America's Most Wanted- former child actors plan their latest crime
show: Daily Affirmation- Stuart Smalley is upset with his new time slot
song musical guest performs "She Talks to Angels"
show Not Gettin' Any- losers ponder the source of their sexual inactivity
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on the end of the age of the Vikings
skit: Sting's elevator fans give host a similar song treatment
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on the similarity between boxing & ballet
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91f Linda Hamilton / Mariah Carey
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cold: Louisiana governor's race loser David Duke (DAC) gives concession speech
MONO: film clips tell the story of host's explosion-filled life
COMM: Leevi's 3 Legged Jeans are the latest in strange denim legwear
skit: Sarah (host) & John (Edward Furlong) Connor try to escape The Tooncinator
skit: health club employee (host) tries to tailor a workout for androgynous Pat
skit Massive Headwound Harry's (DAC) scalp gore ruins (host)'s cocktail party
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on the sky as a metaphor for a salmon
misc Zoraida bothers host by confusing her past roles with real life
song musical guest performs "Can't Let Go"
news Larry Roman (DAC) jokes about Michael Jackson's "Black or White" video
skit (VIJ), (SIF), (BEC), (ELC), (JUS) challenge "buff" host to barroom brawls
show: The Chris Farley Show- CHF amateurishly interviews Martin Scorsese [real]
song musical guest performs "If It's Over"
skit: at a restaurant, baby talk of (DAC) & (host) makes (JUS) & (PHH) uneasy
SHOW Schiller Visions- (TOS) interviews angry victim of hidden camera ad (CHF)
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91h Hammer
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cold: to help the economy, Bush (DAC) suggests items for consumers to purchase
mono: Michael Jackson (CSR) wants to go head-to-head with host
song: musical guest performs "Too Legit To Quit"
skit: (SIF) moderates meeting of a support group for people with bad haircuts
skit newspaper editor (KEN) doesn't think Pearl Harbor is front-page material
misc: Wednesday (Christina Ricci) & Pugsley (Jimmy Workman) Addams present host
song: musical guest performs "Addams Groove"
news Queen Shenequa delineates her Kwanzaa prayer agenda
show Tales From The Barbecue- how shortribs of a flying cow saved Santa (host)
skit Johnny Letter (MIM) uses strong writing skills to exact revenge on others
MISC: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on how kids like to be tricked {rerun}
skit: Remembrances Of Love- (ELC) & Wilt Chamberlain (host) have a brief fling
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on what it takes a big man to do
song musical guest performs "This is the Way We Roll"
skit: Dick Clark's receptionist (DAS) won't let anyone in to see the boss
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91j Rob Morrow / Nirvana
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cold: Oliver Stone (PHH) sees conspiracy in Bush's (DAC) Japan barfing incident
mono: a clip of the substitute judge sketch proves that host was on SNL before
COMM: Salon- putting the accent on the first syllable makes the shampoo work
skit: partygoers' game of strip poker fails to indicate androgynous Pat's sex
skit: Delta Delta Delta sorority sisters Pam (BEC), Di (MEH), Meg (SIF) yak
misc (host) & lonesome cowboys musically resolve to better themselves
song musical guest performs "Smells Like Teen Spirit"
news: Jan Brady (MEH) gets on a Marsha tangent while discussing breast implants
news: VIJ doesn't understand the "dumb blonde" jokes she finds offensive
skit (host) tries various money-making schemes involving Lenin's body (MIM)
skit at the pearly gates, (DAC) is engaged in small talk about movies
comm: CSR's White Person's Guide To Surviving The Apollo helped (host) & (SIF)
skit at a pizza parlor, insulting names are a natural part of teens' banter
song musical guest performs "Territorial Pissings"
skit: (host) repeatedly comes up with clever comments about 15 seconds too late
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91r Jerry Seinfeld / Annie Lennox
...............................................................................
cold: Clinton (PHH) & Jerry Brown (DAC) agree on off-limit debate topics
mono: host does stand-up about airplane issues, crime, cab drivers
show: Stand-Up & Win- hack comics compete on observational humor game show
skit: high school history teacher (host) struggles to teach class about WWII
song musical guest performs "Why"
news: Operaman (ADS) sings about John Gotti, Donald & Ivana Trump, others
news KEN conducts a test of the Emergency Broadcast System by himself
skit obnoxious Elijah the Prophet (host) shows up at a Passover Seder
comm TIM is a product of Lank Thompson's "I'm A Handsome Black Man" course
skit office workers maintain their body postures while performing their jobs
song musical guest performs "Legend in My Living Room"
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on hoping that nude operas exist {rerun}
show I'm Chillin'- Onski plugs Bullet Hole Tampons & delivers a mother joke
skit (PHH) explores Superman's (host) faculties & foibles in a radio interview
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91s Tom Hanks / Bruce Springsteen
...............................................................................
cold: Ross Perot (DAC) offers to base his presidential salary on America's GNP
mono: last-minute replacement for Joe Pesci host asks PHH "How am I funny?"
comm Los Angeles car dealer rep (ROS) announces sale on riot-damaged autos
show: Sabra Price Is Right- merchants of shoddy wares haggle with contestants
skit: weirdos speak at a meeting of The Guy Who Plays Mr. Belvedere Fan Club
song musical guest performs "Lucky Town"
news Jay Leno [real] gives KEN the latest news on the L.A. riots
news DAS uses a personal anecdote to explain why he prefers Mother's Day
news Queen Shenequa talks about the L.A. riots; Akeyla Cleghorne cameo
skit: She Turned Into Her Mother!!- (JUS) takes on the traits of her mom
song musical guest performs "57 Channels" & "Living Proof"
show The Dark Side- Nat X argues with disguised Rodney King trial jurors
MISC: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on hoping that God likes enchiladas
show Showcase Playhouse Theater- (MIM) & (JUS) grow up wanting to fly
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92b Tim Robbins / Sinead O'Connor
...............................................................................
cold: Ross Perot (DAC) rejects "quitter" label & lays out his plans for the USA
mono: LOM dreams that host rants against General Electric & gets SNL cancelled
comm Caracci's Pizza guarantees that any unsanitary pie is half-price
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on a movie about a brain-damaged scientist
skit: Founding Fathers- media probes time-warped historical figures' scandals
show: Cooking With Dennis Miller (DAC)- guest DAS helps prepare a dish
COMM: That's Not Yogurt- (KEN) wants to know what's in the food substitute
show: Sunday Morning Videos- (ROS) & preacher (host) on what makes "great sex"
song: musical guest performs "Success Has Made A Failure Of Our Home"
news: Hollywood Minute- DAS offers to-the-point career advice to stars
skit Bob Roberts & young conservatives sing songs & burn books in a campfire
show: Larry King (KEN) Live- show atmosphere puts Brian Wilson (host) on edge
show Tori (MEH)- Spelling previews new 90210 season & trashes Shannen Doherty
song: musical guest performs "War"
misc musical guest tears up a picture of Pope John Paul II
skit world's nicest pimp Sweet Jimmy (host) genuinely cares about his whores
show Daily Affirmation- Stuart explains what he & Clinton have in common
misc: at closing, host wishes Susan Sarandon [real] a Happy Birthday
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92c Joe Pesci / Spin Doctors
...............................................................................
cold: Bush (DAC), Clinton (PHH), Ross Perot (DAC) debate each other
mono: host criticizes Sinead O'Connor's actions & shows repaired Pope picture
COMM lawyer Barry Green (PHH) says you don't have to be in an accident to sue
show The Bensonhurst Dating Game- bachelor competition creates racial tension
skit: (host) shops for a pinky ring that'll go with his style of communication
COMM Barry Green offers some more ways to get rich through litigation
song: musical guest performs "Little Miss Can't Be Wrong"
news KEN gives a subliminal editorial on election campaign mudslinging
news Cajunman tells KEN why he would be a better Presidential candidate
skit: Single White Person- androgynous Pat gets an obsessive roommate (MEH)
skit bank robbers waiting for TV news exposure sit through endless commercials
skit: (host) & (ROS) relay fake insulting phone messages to passers-by
song: musical guest performs "Jimmy Olsen's Blues"
misc: Robert DeNiro & Martin Scorsese [real] show up when Zoraida hassles host
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92n BIM / Sting
...............................................................................
cold: Beverly Hills residents question Clinton (PHH) about his policies
mono: BIM talks about the good vibes of the past week as the truth scrolls by
COMM: HiberNol- long-term cold & flu medicine lets (CHF) sleep through sickness
show: The WhipMaster- a not-so-proficient actor (BIM) takes over the title role
skit: Frequent Flyer (BIM)- he gives unsolicited tips to his fellow passengers
song musical guest performs "If I Ever Lose My Faith In You"
news moron Hank Fielding gives perspective on Clinton's economic address
news Father Guido Sarducci reviews Groundhog Day & relates a recurring dream
news Hollywood Minute- Steve Martin [real] gives DAS his comeuppance
skit: Tommy Two-Step (BIM) readies men's jazz dancing ensemble for big show
show Coffee Talk- Linda & neighbor (BIM) discuss the year's Oscar nominations
song musical guest performs "Love Is Stronger Than Justice"
show: I'm Chillin'- today's mother joke & a plug for Bitch Come Running cologne
skit to get free food, Honker poses as meat inspector testing for tainted beef
song musical guest performs "Every Breath You Take"
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93s John Goodman / The Pretenders
...............................................................................
cold: New York governor hopefuls Mario Cuomo (PHH) & Howard Stern (MMK) debate
mono: host comes clean to his mother about things he did as a kid
COMM: Majestic Caribbean Cruise Line {rerun}
skit Captain Jim & Pedro go on a date with (host)'s daughters (MEH) & (SAS)
misc PHH asks for pledges to support Captain Jim & Pedro programming
show: NRA's American Sportsman Today- Rush Limbaugh (CHF) & Ron Wood (MIM) hunt
song: musical guest performs "Night In My Veins"
news: DAS dislikes bands that have the balls not to play their hits at concerts
SHOW: Real Stories Of The Arkansas Highway Patrol- Clinton (PHH) womanizing aid
show: Cops- the aftermath of a Clinton (PHH) & Hillary (JAH) domestic dispute
show Theatre Stories- Christopher Walken (JAM) & Michael Caine (PHH) on panel
skit: beaten, incompetent ninjas regroup & plan their next encounter
COMM Philadelphia Action Figures {rerun}
comm In His Own Words- Michael Bolton (KEN) album contains non-original songs
song: musical guest performs "I'll Stand By You"
comm host explains how to convert regular names into Flintstones names
skit while (host) & (JUS) are in his cab, (ROS) talks of killer taxi drivers
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94b Marisa Tomei / Bonnie Raitt
...............................................................................
cold: Clinton (MMK) unveils his scaled-back universal health care plan
COMM teams of engineers worked to make the Lexon Paradox a contradictory car
skit: Mona Lisa Vito (host) testifies on behalf of O.J. Simpson (TIM)
show Piercing Today- various punctured people compare notes on body adornment
song: musical guest performs "Love Sneaking Up On You"
news: MIM thinks that the hockey strike is stupid
news: TIM says that the hockey strike is bad for African Americans
news Cool Guy's (DAS) week-in-review is accomplished via facial expressions
skit: voyeurs (ADS) & (CHF) ruin adult education sex demo done by (CSE) & (JAG)
show: Daily Affirmation- Michael Jackson (TIM) & Lisa Marie Presley (host)
comm: a face-off between monologists Eric Bogosian (ADS) & Spaulding Gray (MMK)
song musical guest performs "Storm Warning"
comm discount nuptial vendors will be at Bobby Camilarri's Bridal Fair 2000
skit 70's high schoolers (ADS) & (host) engage in small talk while dancing
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94j Jeff Daniels / Luscious Jackson
...............................................................................
cold: Newt Gingrich (CHF) disregards procedure & passes legislation rapid-fire
COMM: Eterna Rest {rerun}
skit: near MLK Day, (TIM) exploits the white guilt of (host), (CSE), (ADS)
skit: Connie Chung (LAK) solicits more soundbites from Kathleen Gingrich (JAG)
show: Entertainment Tonight- Ron Wood (MIM) mumbles along with stars of Nell
song: musical guest performs "City Song"
news DAS gripes about Lynyrd Skynyrd, Eagles, Green Day concerts he attended
news O.J. survivor Marquerite Simpson (ELC) sings variant of "You Gotta Be"
skit: mystery dinner theater actor (CHF) milks part by prolonging death scene
show: Film Beat- (CSE) documents host's career with Dumb & Dumber potty clip
skit Gay Stripper Theater- queer male exotic dancers add drama to performances
song musical guest performs "Here"
comm Steven Tyler (ADS) & Joe Perry (JAM) play Aerosmith's same-sounding songs
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on how cowboys relieve stress
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94r Courteney Cox / Dave Matthews Band
...............................................................................
cold: Matt Foley offers bilingual motivation for two latin kids (MOB) & (JAM)
mono: Bruce Springsteen (ADS) joins host on-stage for "Dancing In The Dark"
show: Good Morning Brooklyn- unlucky (CHF) receives "beating of the week"
misc: going to commercial, Bela Fleck [real] plays banjo with SNL Band
show: Gapardy- Gap girls Kristy, Lucy, Cindy compete on a game show
song: musical guest performs "What Would You Say"
news: eccentric English teacher Louise Ingstrom (MOS) punctuates her commentary
skit: (CSE) takes advantage of teenage babysitter Melanie (MAM) in a car
skit offhand remark leads to hiring of Charles Manson (ADS) as office manager
skit (TIM) keeps (KEN) on the defensive by alternating truth with "jokes"
show Replacement Baseball- a documentary on the scabs' brief careers
skit: His Muse Friday- (host) & poetry editor (MMK) trade verse in film noir
song musical guest performs "Ants Marching"
skit aloof (DAS) becomes obnoxiously cloying after a night with (host)
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95b CHC / Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories
...............................................................................
cold: NFL on NBC- sideline reporter O.J. Simpson (TIM) hints that he's guilty
mono CHC recalls SNL's first episode & sings "When You Wish Upon A Star"
COMM: (NAW) dumbs down prolific co-worker (CHO) with a dose of Lobotol
skit: boisterous girl Althea (CHO) visits with pilot (CHC) in the cockpit
show: The Blame Game- black (TIM) & white (CHC) contestants fan racial tensions
MISC: Jack Handey's Fuzzy Memories- of an encounter with an escaped convict
misc: CHC advises JMB not to rely on physical comedy; Mariel Hemingway cameo
song: musical guest performs "Do You Sleep?"
news: from Central Park, Father Guido Sarducci reports on Pope's lost wallet
news: Father Guido Sarducci tells the papal wallet finder that he'll get a mass
skit at their prom, 70's teens (WIF) & (CHO) freak out with little provocation
COMM Gangsta Bitch Barbie & Tupac Ken are dolls appropriate to the urban scene
show: The Mark Fuhrman (CHC) Show- the cop says he likes (TIM)'s anti-white rap
show O.J. Today- anchor Bill McDonald (WIF) & legal analysts do the final show
misc: Spade in America- DAS gives examples of how rock & roll is out of control
song: musical guest performs "Stay"
skit Lampreys- a boy (CHO) doesn't want to part with his sucking creatures
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95q Steve Forbes / Rage Against The Machine
...............................................................................
cold: Unabomber Ted Kaczynski (WIF) attends his Harvard class reunion
mono: host plugs the flat tax & answers audience questions about his wealth
COMM: Grayson Moorhead Securities, part one {rerun}
skit: soldiers can't follow drill sergeant Suel Forrester's roll call orders
show: Nightline- it's obvious that host authored a tell-all book about GOP race
skit: during a visit from (host), Rita Delvecchio guards her screen door
show MAM as Steve Forbes chastises host for ending his run for the presidency
COMM Grayson Moorhead Securities, part two {rerun}
news FRW talks about receiving personalized mailed requests for donations
song: musical guest performs "Bulls On Parade"
skit: while on the job, roofers (COQ), (DAK), (host) dream about the good life
show: Seattle Today- Unabomber sketch artist Stan Hooper isn't very skilled
MISC: Jack Handey's Fuzzy Memories- of using his car to splash a schoolkid
skit host gets a free haircut from barber school student Gerald Tibbins
skit during WWII, Johnny Jones (CHK) catches up with waitress Dottie (MOS)
skit: a motorist (host) is lectured by a large & irate bug (JMB) that he hit
misc: at closing, host's wife Sabina & daughters [real] join him on-stage
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96d DAC / Dr. Dre
...............................................................................
cold: Larry King (WIF) Live- Ross Perot (DAC) & other third-party candidates
mono: DAC & his recurring characters sing "I Like To Be These People For You"
show: Hey, Remember The 80's- George Michael (DAC) & Joseph Hazelwood (MAM)
show The Barbara Walters (CHO) Special- Elizabeth Dole (ANG) lauds her husband
skit: Tom Brokaw (DAC) pre-tapes news reports to cover Ford death contingencies
news: Joe Blow talks about decadent behavior he witnessed in Yankee Stadium
song: musical guest performs "Been There Done That"
show: Church Chat- Church Lady judges O.J. Simpson (TIM) & Madonna (MOS)
show Bob Dole's (NOM) Time Tunnel- young Clinton (DAC) gets visit from future
skit Rita Delvecchio receives trick-or-treaters & battles Halloween pranksters
skit: retirees Phil Donahue (DAH) & Johnny Carson (DAC) look for latter's keys
comm: attorneys Russell (TIM) & Tate (TRM) have the means to get you your money
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96o Sting / Veruca Salt
...............................................................................
cold: injured Clinton (DAH) points out the undesirable order of succession
mono: host helps save rain forests for the sake of animals like Mr. Peepers
skit: Juan Peron (NOM) can't fathom why Evita (ANG) breaks into song
skit: Middle Agers (WIF), (ANG), (CHK) try to sell Pope (MAM) on a nude Crusade
comm: The Laid Back Neutral MC's (TRM) & (TIM) fear gangsta rap violence
show Don West (WIF) & Eddy Lewis (CHK) put Mark Hamill [real] up for sale
skit: (JMB) dislikes white power gossip of fellow Klan members Rolf & (host)
news: during his St. Patrick's Day message, drunk COQ gets defensive & bugs NOM
news (ANG)'s assumption of Annie role drives Joanna Pacitti (CHO) batty
song: musical guest performs "Shutterbug"
show The Brendan Boyle (COQ) Show- leprechaun (host) rebukes limerick critics
skit: Mrs. Attebury's daughter's (MOS) 37 year-old boyfriend (host) gets fresh
skit: host's wife Trudie Styler [real] digs song interpreter Kyle DeMarco (CHK)
show: Race & Racism- (TIM) asks apartheid dismantler (host) about Ghostbusters
song: host performs "My One & Only Love"
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96t Jeff Goldblum / En Vogue
...............................................................................
cold: Nightline- Deep Blue's chess win has made Ted Koppel (DAH) technophobic
mono: JMB does dinosaur impressions in hopes that host can get him a job
COMM: Big Brawn Feminine Napkins {rerun}
skit: Mary Katherine Gallagher finds a soulmate in teacher (host)
show: Space, The Infinite Frontier- Harry Caray (WIF) & astrophysicist (host)
TOON: "Fun With Real Audio" by RBS- talk show trash is taken to the dump
show Goth Talk- Circe & Azrael welcome dark musician Count Feedback (host)
news: breaking the chain of violence has aided Lenny The Lion's personal growth
news: In Their Own Words- kids' letters to Clinton have anti-GOP spin control
song: musical guest performs "Don't Let Go"
show: Kennedy Kapers- Teddy (WIF) & relatives disgrace family name on game show
COMM: Larry King (NOM) gives even more News & Views
skit Janet Blaum's ineffective invective dooms her attempt at unionization
comm: Rock & Roll Fantasy Camp of Ric Ocasek's cousin Vic (host) has has-beens
skit (host) interviews unduly-confident job applicant Jerry Steve Dave (TIM)
COMM Larry King (NOM) voices still more News & Views
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97l John Goodman / Paula Cole
...............................................................................
cold: Linda Tripp (host) wears a wire during meeting with Monica Lewinsky (MOS)
mono: Mighty Mack & Elwood Blues perform "Lookin' For A Fox"
show: Morning Latte- chatter of Tom & Cass eventually causes (host) to snap
skit: at Mount Sinai, Clinton (DAH) seeks loophole in anti-adultery Commandment
show: Brian Boitano (WIF) & Rudy Galindo (CHK) camp it up at Nagano Olympics
TOON "X-Presidents" by RBS- X-First Ladies help defeat communist aliens
show Emeril (JMB) Live- Monica Lewinsky's lawyer William Ginsburg (host) begs
news: COQ explains why he's not happy about Matt Damon's success
news: fraternity member Randy Graves (WIF) sides with Clinton & blames women
song: musical guest performs "I Don't Want To Wait"
show Judge Judy (CHO)- (ANG) claims that Irwin Mainway's toys are dangerous
comm: Martha Stewart (ANG) Living- items to aid exodus from Cuba are presented
show Sabado Chistoso- William Ginsburg (WIF) makes his plea on a Hispanic show
skit: a cobra terrorizes airline passengers (host), (ANG), (TIM)
show Storytellers- Neil Diamond (WIF) performs songs & reveals his sicko muses
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98a Cameron Diaz / The Smashing Pumpkins
...............................................................................
cold: Oprah (TIM) 2002- Linda Tripp (John Goodman) et al recall Lewinsky affair
mono without provocation, host gets tough with audience member (Hugh Fink)
COMM MasterCard made possible the priceless aspect of the Lewinsky affair
show: The View- Mark McGwire (WIF); Debbie Matenopoulos (host) battles raccoon
COMM: Oops! I Crapped My Pants can withstand full blasts from seniors' bowels
show: The Ladies' Man- Leon & (host) act out scenes from the Starr Report
COMM The Best Of The First 20 Minutes Of SNL redefines straight-to-videotape
show The New Hollywood Squares- the game goes on despite collapse of the board
TOON: "Fun With Real Audio" by RBS- Nixon haunts outtakes from Clinton address
news COQ thinks it's time to stop obsessing over the Lewinsky affair
news Dominican Lou wants $1,000,000 for a baseball vaguely tied to Sammy Sosa
song: musical guest performs "Perfect"
skit: at the Moomba Club, foxy (host) picks up Roxbury Guys, Festrunks
skit words fail odor of witches' brew; Jonathan Richman & Tommy Larkins cameos
COMM The Gap- "This is so easy" says sax-playing Clinton (DAH)
show: Jingleheimer Junction- new castmember (WIF) spells disaster for kids show
COMM The Gap- "This is not easy" says electric guitarist Hillary Clinton (ANG)
comm: Spice Girls (MOS), (CHO), (CHK), (host) give advice for pregnant mothers
TOON: "Maakies" by Tony Millionaire- proletarian Drinky Crow deadens himself
COMM The Gap- "This is easy" says Kenneth Starr (CHP) as he jigs amid evidence
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98g Jennifer Love Hewitt / Beastie Boys
...............................................................................
cold: Monica Lewinsky (MOS) & Linda Tripp (John Goodman) gab on phone & pig out
mono: host & Ben Willis (Muse Watson) sing "Don't Go Breaking My Heart"
show: The Ladies' Man- Leon gives inappropriate advice & plugs Skanksgiving Day
comm Celine Dion's (ANG) duets album proves she's the best singer in the world
show The How Do You Say? Ah Yes, Show- Antonio Banderas (CHK) paws coed (host)
skit: candy stripers Craig & Arianna stumble upon pregnant classmate (host)
TOON by RBS- The Ambiguously Gay Duo misses the subtext of fans' letters
news: COQ relates credentials of those involved in Clinton impeachment hearings
song: musical guest performs "Three MC's & One DJ"
show Clean Teen Deodorant Spokesperson Search finds Mary Katherine Gallagher
show: Let's Make This Happen!- Hollywood players (WIF) & (host) pitch to LOM
song musical guest performs "Sabotage"
skit: Saddam Hussein's (WIF) private bunker is marked by adolescent trappings
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98h Vince Vaughn / Lauryn Hill
...............................................................................
cold oral sex experts testify for Clinton-investigating Senate committee
mono: to host's relief, Alfred Hitchcock (DAH) isn't upset about Psycho remake
COMM: Oops! I Crapped My Pants {rerun}
show: Dog Show- David Larry (WIF) & Miss Colleen (MOS) prefer canine company
skit Trent Walker (host) makes a Swinger of Mr. Peepers with a Vegas road trip
skit: spoken-for (host) & (WIF) mislead engaged (JIF) about joys of marriage
COMM: Brew Dude party hat helps college students focus on beer, not books
skit: ghosts of John Lennon (JIF) & Jerry Garcia (HOS) frustrate wisdom seekers
skit gas station employees mull the future in aftermath of Mobil-Exxon merger
news: COQ marvels at Republicans' persistence in pursuing impeachment
news: tree-chained Cinder Calhoun sings "Christmas Chainsaw Massacre"
song: musical guest performs "Doo Wop"
skit cloying cheer of Norman Bates' (host) mother (CHO) precipitated murder
show: Pimp Chat- Bishop Don 'Mack' Donald (TRM) & Pimpin' Kyle (TIM) talk shop
song musical guest performs "Ex-Factor"
skit: Delco Cat Toys salesmen trade macho banter & test quality of new products
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98l Gwyneth Paltrow / Barenaked Ladies
...............................................................................
cold: supposed good sport Clinton (DAH) gloats about beating his impeachers
mono: Ben Affleck [real] asks host to stop pretending she's English
show: E! offers awards show-style coverage of the Clinton impeachment trial
COMM Behind The Music- Joan Jett (host) recalls "I Love Rock n' Roll"
skit: Mary Katherine Gallagher proves tougher than her all-girl gang initiators
COMM Behind The Music- John Oates (CHK) came up with "Private Eyes" claps
skit: dumb girlfriend (host) ruins musician's (JIF) act but is too sexy to drop
TOON "X-Presidents" by RBS- impeachment spurs a rampage by the Constitution
comm: Staten Island Nurses- (host) & (CHO) socialize amidst medical drama
COMM Trent Lott (DAH) says "You're Watching E!"
news: multitalented beltway insider Vernon Jordan (TIM) sings about himself
song: musical guest performs "It's All Been Done"
skit: (WIF)'s fiancee Margaret Healey (MOS) & her family love the jokey accents
COMM Behind The Music- Colin Hay (JIF) gets lost in "Who Can It Be Now"
show Biography- bitter over being ousted, Jack Perkins (DAH) tars Harry Smith
skit William Rehnquist (WIF) tires of partisan voting during impeachment trial
comm Hardcore Rock- host endorses album of porn movie soundtrack music
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98n BIM / Lucinda Williams
...............................................................................
cold: The Ladies' Man- Stephanie Seymour [real] helps Leon teach love lessons
mono: inspired by the Footloose musical, BIM sings & dances around the stage
skit: competitive couple (BIM) & (MOS) challenges dinner guests to Yahtzee
skit (BIM) leads fellow male Knicks City Dancers in front of unfriendly crowd
COMM: Swill {rerun}
comm: The Quotable Caddyshack- BIM & CHC explain the reference work's utility
show: Morning Latte- minor celebrity (BIM) engages Tom & Cass in vapid banter
news: wistful for coverage, Clinton (DAH) asks media to dig around for dirt
news freshly snubbed by Academy nominators, BIM gives his Oscar picks
song: musical guest performs "Can't Let Go"
skit: because (HOS)'s parents were eaten by a bear, (CHP)'s party is ruined
skit (BIM) spouts gibberish while trying to pose as owner of mystic curio shop
song musical guest performs "Too Cool To Be Forgotten"
comm: Hollywood gynecologist (BIM) has casual attitude toward patients' privacy
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99l Julianna Margulies / DMX
...............................................................................
cold: as Clinton (DAH) lingers, wooden Hillary (ANG) speaks to New York voters
mono: host's post-ER project deals with veterinary medicine; Noah Wyle cameo
COMM: Litter Critters {rerun}
skit: (host) learns that her boyfriend's (CHP) family feeds him mouth-to-mouth
show E! News Daily- Donatella Versace (MOS) expounds her theories of fashion
skit Nadeen recommends that emergency room visitors should "simmer down"
show The Crocodile Hunter- Steve (CHK) & Terri (host) Irwin love angry animals
news: mousey Joy Lipton (CHO) shows Valentine's Day gifts from the Erotic Attic
song: musical guest performs "Party Up"
skit: actor (WIF) is humiliated by commercial's erectile dysfunction theme
show Savin' It- girlfriends (host) & (ANG) sexually frustrate (WIF) & (JIF)
song musical guest performs "What's My Name"
skit: nerdy Kip (JIF) & Wayne (CHP) Bloater woo (host) but fail to consummate
comm: priceline.com satisfies William Shatner's (DAH) need to haggle
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99m Ben Affleck / Fiona Apple
...............................................................................
cold: Nightline- Peanuts characters mourn the passing of Charles Schulz
mono: Gwyneth Paltrow [real] comes on-stage & steals spotlight from host
COMM Victoria's Secret- Marisa's boobs ask "what is desire"
misc going to commercial, G.E. Smith [real] plays guitar
skit: host pretends to be Matt Damon in order to get close to Mango
skit Johnny Bartolotti's (host) attentions toward Denise make Sully jealous
TOON: "The All New Adventures of Mr. T" by RBS- Ibsen play is a chance to work
show Fretts Film Forum- small-town movie reviewers offer clever quotables
SHOW FANatic- obsessive (host) wants Anna Nicole Smith (MOS) to be his mom
news: George W. Bush (WIF), John McCain (CHP), Alan Keyes (TIM) speechify
song: musical guest performs "Limp"
skit: salesman (host) is embroiled in Zimmermans' sexy search for a used car
skit: Sally O'Malley barges in on a police academy exercise training session
COMM Trilocaine treats your dandruff & induces horrific hallucinations
show Who Wants To Be Groped By An Eleven Thousand-Aire?- (host) paws (CHK)
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00a Rob Lowe / Eminem
...............................................................................
cold: Jim Lehrer (CHP) moderates Al Gore (DAH) vs. George W. Bush (WIF) debate
mono: audience members ask West Wing star host some presidential questions
COMM: Corn Chip Nail Tips are both fashion accessories & tasty snack treats
show: Monday Night Football- Dennis Miller (JIF) gets arcane during pregame
misc backstage, host & Ralph Nader [real] talk past one another
show: Pros & Cons- vigilante snoops Scooby & Shaggy (host) defend their methods
song: musical guest & Dido [real] perform "Stan"
news Leon Phelps discusses sex in Hollywood cinema & promotes his movie
news TIF's advice to Britney Spears- "enjoy your ass while it lasts"
news Grand Master Rap (JEM), Kid Shazaam (HOS), musical guest rap old school
skit: (WIF) & (MOS) endure an awkward blind date at an airport bar
skit: perfectionist Stone Phillips (host) records intros for Dateline NBC
song musical guest performs "The Real Slim Shady"
misc NBC gets Up Close & Personal with CHK before a skit; Brendan Fraser cameo
COMM Dream Team 2000 video documents arrogance of USA Olympians in Sydney
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00i Charlie Sheen / Nelly Furtado
...............................................................................
cold: de facto president Dick Cheney (DAH) checks his pulse & talks to the rich
mono: audience members question host about his not-so-proud past
COMM: Herpes Island, Temptation Trailer, The Cannibal are new FOX reality shows
show: Iron Chef- American bachelor (host) & Morimoto (HOS) cook shark heads
COMM: in breast cancer PSA, Emeril Lagasse (CHP) says "check for lumps; bam!"
misc going to commercial, Pamelia Kurstin [real] plays theremin
show Eric Dickerson's (TRM) NFL Pregame Special- Dennis Miller (JIF) orates
skit: at an MLK Day assembly, Marty & Bobbi perform a civil rights medley
news: Katherine Harris (ANG) responds to critics with in-kind appearance jabs
news: JIF reviews the concert atmosphere surrounding Clinton's farewell tour
news: in a terrible re-enactment, Prince Charles (CHK) falls from his horse
news: Marta Mercado (MAR) was more maid than houseguest to Linda Chavez
song: musical guest performs "I'm Like A Bird"
skit: on the set of The Young & The Restless, Patsy Marsh (MOS) overacts
skit (RAD) is surprised to give birth to 37 year-old Ted Brogan (WIF)
skit T.G.I. Friday's (WIF) obnoxious waiter son (CHK) has job security
FILM "The Pervert" by Adam McKay- fellow creeps shun (Patrick McCartney)
skit host & Heidi Fleiss (RAD) do a prostitution-themed Who's On First variant
*******************************************************************************
00k Jennifer Lopez
...............................................................................
cold: while TRM fills in as George W. Bush, WIF can't get over host's bootie
mono: puzzled by diva reputation, host reveals Versace dress worn at Grammys
COMM Cracklin' Oat Flakes {rerun}
skit: Mango & host develop a rivalry after he becomes a recording star
show: Cribs- Gemini's Twin & new member (host) present their low-rent apartment
TOON: "Ray Of Light" by RBS- Ray Lewis witnesses famous Disney cartoon murders
song: musical guest performs "Play"
news: TIF gabs with Cast Away star Wilson The Volleyball (WIF); Tom Hanks cameo
news: nervous 4th grader Rasheed Jenkins (JEM) gives Black History Month speech
skit: Fly Girls (JEM), (TRM), (RAD) want to work with host again
COMM the Valentine soundtrack contains many songs by bands with oddball names
song musical guest performs "Love Don't Cost A Thing"
show: Good Morning Bronx- borough residents broadcast the local news
FILM "The Baby & The German Intellectual (WIF)" by Adam McKay- innocence vexes
skit oblivious Jeannie Darcy does inappropriate material at a nursing home gig
COMM Wade Blasingame {rerun}
skit at a WWII USO show, (host) damages morale by singing pro-German songs
*******************************************************************************
00t Christopher Walken / Weezer
...............................................................................
cold: despite marital woes & a broken penis, Rudolph Giuliani (DAH) is doing OK
mono: oblivious to pronunciation, host sings "Let's Call The Whole Thing Off"
skit wowed janitor (host) imagines himself & Mango in famous screen roles
show Hardball- Chris Matthews (DAH) likes Bob Barr's (CHP) crazy energy scheme
show: a lost brooch provides The Continental with another chance to woo
news: in a terrible re-enactment, Joey Fatone (CHK) injures his foot
news: KEN does a subliminal editorial to remind viewers he's no longer on SNL
news: JIF, TIF, Winona Ryder [real] stage a Weekend Update cliffhanger
song: musical guest performs "Hash Pipe"
skit: (ANG) is upset that her beau (host) was once a lover of Roger & Virginia
TOON "The Anatominals Show" by RBS- beasts' genitals spur LOM Faustian crisis
skit: (host)'s personal questions dominate centaur's (CHP) job interview
skit: (WIF)'s irritability stems from the badger that crawled up his butt
song musical guest & WIF perform "Island In The Sun"
misc for Memorial Day, HOS, CHK, TRM, JIF perform a happy Christmas ditty
*******************************************************************************
01b Seann William Scott / Sum 41
...............................................................................
cold: George W. Bush (WIF) warns Osama bin Laden of reprisals to come
mono: host's ancestors also starred in movies featuring semen-tainted beer
COMM Law & Order, Parking Violations Unit- spin-off puts focus on meter maids
skit at Jeffrey's, more customers insulted by more-stylish-than-thou attitude
show: Joan Rivers (ANG) hijacks Emmy Awards Pre-Show to vex dressed-down celebs
show: Jarret's Room- winners of Freshman Facebook Awards announced
song: musical guest performs "Fat Lip"
news: threat of terrorism has convinced TRM of the wisdom of racial profiling
news: Weekend Update Joke Off- JIF & TIF riff on penis found in fruit juice
news: in midst of shark attack epidemic, TIF falls victim to Land Shark
skit: (WIF) disrupts meeting by showing patriotism via flag-themed short shorts
show The How Do You Say? Ah Yes, Show- Paula Zahn (AMP) encounters sexiness
MISC: My Big Thick Novel by Jack Handey- tabulating blow darts in chapter 119
song musical guest performs "In Too Deep"
comm: The Approval Center- losers testify to the nebulous joy of being approved
skit on a dinner date, (AMP) reveals her porn actress career to (host)
*******************************************************************************
01g Derek Jeter / Bubba Sparxxx, Shakira
...............................................................................
cold: John Ashcroft (DAH) & George W. Bush (WIF) do You Might Be A Terrorist If
mono: host causes injuries & mayhem by hitting baseballs into the audience
COMM Preparation H {rerun}
comm: Muchas Iglesias- (host) & brothers Enrique (JIF) & Julio, Jr. (CHK) sing
skit: (host) & other Yankee wives hate sluts (David Wells) & (David Cone)
skit: music spellbinds inept romantic in daydream about giving host a massage
COMM Dissing Your Dog- (WIF)'s tape shows how to train canines via mockery
comm Derek Jeter's Taco Hole- host promotes his Mexican restaurant
show Dealing With Mom & Dad- host helps youngster (CHK) with his bat technique
song: Shakira performs "Whenever, Wherever"
news: host & SEM do a Point-Counterpoint on the proposition "Derek Jeter sucks"
NEWS: clips of George Harrison's SNL appearance mark his passing
skit in a cave hideout, Osama bin Laden (WIF) tries to boost morale of his men
skit: (host)'s friends are concerned that he's so happy with his home perm
song Bubba Sparxxx performs "Ugly" & "Lovely"
misc as a holiday treat, HOS, CHK, TRM, JIF perform a happy Christmas ditty
MISC: My Big Thick Novel by Jack Handey- specially-bred children in chapter 772
*******************************************************************************
01i Ellen Degeneres / No Doubt
...............................................................................
cold: Osama bin Laden (WIF) tape reveals that terrorists were reluctant martyrs
mono: host admits that her declaration of homosexuality was a publicity stunt
skit: Marty & Bobbi perform a medley at a shopping mall Nativity scene
skit federal agent Kitty Singleton (host) is terrible at hand-to-hand combat
TOON "The Narrator That Ruined Christmas" by RBS- snowman visits Ground Zero
song: musical guest performs "Hey Baby"
news TRM suggests creative romantic holiday gifts for your spouse
news: JIF, TIF, Rudolph Giuliani [real] sing "Will You Love Me Tomorrow?"
skit: host's Mango obsession creates backlash among lesbian media heavyweights
skit: panic over forgotten household chores causes family to cut its trip short
MISC My Big Thick Novel by Jack Handey- "sighing" on Mars in chapter 917
skit (WIF)'s kids (SEM) & (AMP) don't meet his new girlfriend (host) halfway
misc: Dick Cheney (DAH) imagines happy Christmas ditty by HOS, CHK, TRM, JIF
song musical guest performs "Hella Good"
misc: Rudolph Giuliani [real] wishes peace from Rockefeller Center skating rink
*******************************************************************************
01j Josh Hartnett / Pink
...............................................................................
cold: Clinton (DAH) scores political points at his dog Buddy's memorial service
mono: based on personal experience, JIF advises host not to re-create himself
show: Wake Up Wakefield!- guest who hit a growth spurt (host) excites Megan
comm: actress (ANG) overemotes in melodramatic Lifetime Original Movie
TOON "X-Presidents" by RBS- The Ambiguously Gay Duo helps find Osama bin Laden
show Shout Out Show!!- Grandmaster Freddy (TRM) gives props to everything
song: musical guest performs "Get The Party Started"
news verse & sentiment of Maya Angelou's (TRM) greeting cards don't match
news: videophone delay kills timing of comedy routine by (HOS) & (CHK)
show: HBO First Look- George Lucas (DAH) defends Attack Of The Clones casting
skit: flight crew offers lame entertainment to passengers stuck on runway
MISC My Best List For 2001 by Jack Handey- picks reflect sponsors' influence
song musical guest performs "Don't Let Me Get Me"
show to promote multicultural awareness, the Playboy Channel screens Arab porn
*******************************************************************************
01m Jonny Moseley / Outkast
...............................................................................
cold: anything that irks George W. Bush (WIF) earns membership in Axis Of Evil
mono: after not medalling at Olympics, host settled for fourth-place ceremonies
skit: Sully & Denise reconcile while riding a ski lift to the top of a mountain
show: The O'Reilly (JER) Factor- guests' facts are judged as matters of opinion
show DisMissed- (host) chooses hootchie (MAR) over one-legged Amber (AMP)
skit: orbiting host solves problems while performing signature Dinner Roll move
news skaters David Pelletier (WIF) & Jamie Sale (AMP) wanted SNL to pick them
news: name-dropping gossip columnist Hollywood (CHK) isn't much of an insider
news: while delivering a news item, JIF gets a few pies in the face
song: musical guest performs "The Whole World"
show: Super Buzzers- 1970's game show comprises panel intros; Rip Taylor cameo
skit over-the-hill Broadway legend (ANG) pushes for minimal choreography
MISC My Big Thick Novel by Jack Handey- a shrunken head in chapter 1148
song musical guest performs "Ms. Jackson"
skit groom (host) & bride (AMP) have pre-ceremony doubts about extreme wedding
MISC My Big Thick Novel by Jack Handey- an idiot spacewoman in chapter 1234
*******************************************************************************
01p Cameron Diaz / Jimmy Eat World
...............................................................................
cold: in Lamaze class, Marty & pregnant Bobbi perform a gestation medley
mono: host & her butt choreographer (WIF) have a booty-shaking contest
show: 17th Annual Auto Show Spokeswoman Awards- gushy (CHP) savors historic win
show: MTV Spring Break- (host) & (MAR) dance to "That Don't Impress Me Much"
misc: dozy Donald Sutherland (WIF) & Glenn Close (ANG) do an Oscars-like segue
show: Astronaut Jones- voyage to Jupiter yields spacebabes (host), (MAR), (AMP)
comm after a brief retirement, Celine Dion (ANG) sings & talks of motherhood
show Gorgeous Living With Prunella Watson (AMP)- sloppiness equals style
news: TIF gives her take on terrorism & the Middle East situation
news: Denzel Washington (DEE) & Halle Berry (MAR) are still on an Oscar high
news: following a breakdown, robot TIF is replaced with another unit
news self-aggrandizing Geraldo Rivera (DAH) says he'll end war in Middle East
news Jasper Hahn & (host) sing double entendre songs about Fuzzy Buddy puppets
song: musical guest performs "The Middle"
skit (WIF) notes gender differences between Mr. Peepers & Miss Peeps (host)
show: shy Japanese girl group Crash Papaya performs boisterously on MTV4
song musical guest performs "Sweetness"
MISC: My Big Thick Novel by Jack Handey- glistening breasts in chapter 750
*******************************************************************************
Frank Serpas III ser...@io.com
...............................................................................
it's SATURDAY NET- http://www.io.com/~serpas/snl.html
Commissioner Penguin
NBC will be
86d Sam Kinison/Lou Reed (11/15/86)
And when searching the basic TV listings sites, Nothing is listed..Normally,
when they go in a normal continuous progression (IE: 90a, 90b, 90c, 90d in
recent weeks), if the next ep follows continuity (90e Jimmy Smits / World
Party), it'd be listed...
Of course, I may be off...But, like I said, I coulda sworn reading it would
be 86d
On a somewhat similar tangent...Anyone know if there's a cold chance in hell
of CC showing any of the eps BEFORE those last 5 from Season 14...
"Frank Serpas III" <ser...@eris.io.com> wrote in message
news:Pine.LNX.4.44.02110...@eris.io.com...
............................................................................
> 76h Paul Simon / George Harrison
>
............................................................................
...
>
> COLD: host says "hi" to CHC on way into studio; LOM haggles with musical
guest
> mono: turkey costume-wearing host complains to LOM about his wardrobe
> COMM: all-natural Quarry cereal is full of minerals because it's made of
rocks
> song: host performs "50 Ways To Leave Your Lover"
> show: Baba Wawa At Large- Henry Kissinger (JOB) talks about his career
> show The Twilite Zone- Rod Serling (DAA) joins three starlets in a hotel
room
> NEWS: LAN reports from a Long Island diner full of Nazi war criminals
> news: JAC asks viewers to suggest how Morris The Cat should kill himself
> news: GAM reports on a new strain of gonorrhea that kills penicillin
> SONG: host & musical guest perform "Here Comes The Sun" & "Homeward Bound"
> SONG musical guest performs "Crackerbox Palace" in music video
> skit Billy Paul (host) fights for civil rights in an ice cream parlor
> song: host performs "Something So Right"
> show: Tomorrow- it's clear that Tom Snyder (DAA) has no idea who host is
> FILM musical guest performs "This Song" in a musical courtroom
> song: host performs "Bridge Over Troubled Water"
>
>
>
****************************************************************************
***
> 76q Jack Burns / Santana
>
............................................................................
> 76r Julian Bond / Tom Waits, Brick
>
............................................................................
> 77c Hugh Hefner / Libby Titus
>
............................................................................
> 77f Buck Henry / Leon Redbone
>
............................................................................
> 78o Margot Kidder / The Chieftains
>
............................................................................
> 79d Buck Henry / Tom Petty
>
............................................................................
> 79e Bea Arthur / The Roches
>
............................................................................
> 79f Howard Hesseman / Randy Newman
>
............................................................................
> 88s Wayne Gretzky / Fine Young Cannibals
>
............................................................................
...
>
> cold: Carter (DAC) is bullied while observing Panamanian election
improprieties
> COMM: Sleepytime {rerun}
> show: host hooks a big one while fishing with anal-retentive Gene
> SHOW: Wayne's World- a hockey fantasy with host & wife Janet Jones [real]
> show This Week With David Brinkley (PHH)- pundits take discussion
outdoors
> song: musical guest performs "She Drives Me Crazy"
> news a mysterious voice (PHH) summons DEM to build his Field Of Dreams
> news ALF suggests saving money by combining euthanasia & the space
program
> news the Field Of Dreams summons original SNLer "Moonlight" Graham (DAC)
> skit: after Kings lose Stanley Cup, celebrities join host in the locker
room
> show: Point Blank- neither host nor (VIJ) has much advice for callers-in
> song: musical guest performs "Good Thing"
> skit: Waikiki Hockey- a Hawaiian busboy (host) has Elvis-like experiences
>
>
>
****************************************************************************
***
> 89b Rick Moranis / Rickie Lee Jones
>
............................................................................
...
>
> cold: Jackie Mason (host) apologizes & endorses Ronald Lauder for NYC
mayor
> mono: host plays with SNL Band, works around the studio, delivers a baby
> skit: Leona Helmsley (NOD), Zsa Zsa Gabor (VIJ), Bakkers (JAH) & (host) go
nuts
> show: Honey, I Shrunk Hans & Franz- the tiny musclemen deal with a mouse
> song: musical guest performs "Satellites"
> news Mr. Subliminal comments on Manuel Noriega & the situation in Panama
> news PHH gives George Steinbrenner Health Watch update for hopeful Yankee
fans
> news detestable stereotype Frenchy (JOL) offends & disgusts during
commentary
> skit: Merv Griffin (host) does all the work at his money-losing hotel
> skit: (PHH), (host), (MIM), (NOD) unsuccessfully try to ride a wild horse
> song: musical guest performs "Ghetto Of My Mind"
> skit new commissioner (PHH) alters baseball rules in memory of Bart
Giamatti
> skit in a bar, (JAH), (NOD), (VIJ) bother a cute guy (host) with baby
talk
> show: Word Busters- contestants have to come up with the correct pain
response
>
>
>
****************************************************************************
***
> 89c Kathleen Turner / Billy Joel
>
............................................................................
> 89n Fred Savage / Technotronic
>
............................................................................
...
>
> cold: Church Chat- Church Lady & niece (host) criticize Marla Maples (JAH)
> mono: Wonder Years narrative documents host hitting puberty while on-stage
> skit: results of leaving (host) home with gun demonstrate firearm safety
don'ts
> show: The Pat Stevens Show- guests are neglected daughter Missy (VIJ) &
host
> song musical guest performs "Pump Up The Jam"
> news KEN reports audience's displeasure with News From 10 Feet Away bit
> news Annoying Man's magic tricks include chewing foil & scraping a
chalkboard
> news irate audience member (RBS) concludes KEN's News From 10 Feet Away
> news Grumpy Old Man dislikes bottled water, athletic footwear, amusement
parks
> skit: (host)'s parents pressure him to develop a more creative imaginary
friend
> skit: Space Shuttle countdown is repeatedly stopped due to launch pad
wanderers
> skit on a hunt, Lothar Of The Hill People prepares son (host) for manhood
rite
> song musical guest performs "Get Up!"
> FILM "Hooked On Sushi" by TOS- Japanese restaurant literally lures (KEN)
>
>
>
****************************************************************************
***
> 89r Alec Baldwin / The B-52's
>
............................................................................
> 90o Michael J. Fox / Black Crowes
>
............................................................................
...
>
> cold: during a Bush (DAC) speech, Dan Quayle (host) doesn't know when to
clap
> mono: host meets two versions of himself (DAC) & (DAS) Back From The
Future
> COMM: Chia Head {rerun}
> skit circus owner (PHH) tells clown (host) that his stinging act isn't
working
> MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on taking a dog on the Space Shuttle
> skit at his high school reunion, hitman (KEN) is quick to volunteer
services
> song musical guest performs "Thick & Thin"
> news: AWB says easy post-Vietnam wars were good preparation for domestic
strife
> show: America's Most Wanted- former child actors plan their latest crime
> show: Daily Affirmation- Stuart Smalley is upset with his new time slot
> song musical guest performs "She Talks to Angels"
> show Not Gettin' Any- losers ponder the source of their sexual inactivity
> MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on the end of the age of the Vikings
> skit: Sting's elevator fans give host a similar song treatment
> MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on the similarity between boxing &
ballet
>
>
>
****************************************************************************
***
> 91f Linda Hamilton / Mariah Carey
>
............................................................................
> 91j Rob Morrow / Nirvana
>
............................................................................
> 91r Jerry Seinfeld / Annie Lennox
>
............................................................................
...
>
> cold: Clinton (PHH) & Jerry Brown (DAC) agree on off-limit debate topics
> mono: host does stand-up about airplane issues, crime, cab drivers
> show: Stand-Up & Win- hack comics compete on observational humor game show
> skit: high school history teacher (host) struggles to teach class about
WWII
> song musical guest performs "Why"
> news: Operaman (ADS) sings about John Gotti, Donald & Ivana Trump, others
> news KEN conducts a test of the Emergency Broadcast System by himself
> skit obnoxious Elijah the Prophet (host) shows up at a Passover Seder
> comm TIM is a product of Lank Thompson's "I'm A Handsome Black Man"
course
> skit office workers maintain their body postures while performing their
jobs
> song musical guest performs "Legend in My Living Room"
> MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on hoping that nude operas exist
{rerun}
> show I'm Chillin'- Onski plugs Bullet Hole Tampons & delivers a mother
joke
> skit (PHH) explores Superman's (host) faculties & foibles in a radio
interview
>
>
>
****************************************************************************
***
> 91s Tom Hanks / Bruce Springsteen
>
............................................................................
...
>
> cold: Ross Perot (DAC) offers to base his presidential salary on America's
GNP
> mono: last-minute replacement for Joe Pesci host asks PHH "How am I
funny?"
> comm Los Angeles car dealer rep (ROS) announces sale on riot-damaged
autos
> show: Sabra Price Is Right- merchants of shoddy wares haggle with
contestants
> skit: weirdos speak at a meeting of The Guy Who Plays Mr. Belvedere Fan
Club
> song musical guest performs "Lucky Town"
> news Jay Leno [real] gives KEN the latest news on the L.A. riots
> news DAS uses a personal anecdote to explain why he prefers Mother's Day
> news Queen Shenequa talks about the L.A. riots; Akeyla Cleghorne cameo
> skit: She Turned Into Her Mother!!- (JUS) takes on the traits of her mom
> song musical guest performs "57 Channels" & "Living Proof"
> show The Dark Side- Nat X argues with disguised Rodney King trial jurors
> MISC: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on hoping that God likes enchiladas
> show Showcase Playhouse Theater- (MIM) & (JUS) grow up wanting to fly
>
>
>
****************************************************************************
***
> 92b Tim Robbins / Sinead O'Connor
>
............................................................................
> 92c Joe Pesci / Spin Doctors
>
............................................................................
> 93s John Goodman / The Pretenders
>
............................................................................
> 94b Marisa Tomei / Bonnie Raitt
>
............................................................................
...
>
> cold: Clinton (MMK) unveils his scaled-back universal health care plan
> COMM teams of engineers worked to make the Lexon Paradox a contradictory
car
> skit: Mona Lisa Vito (host) testifies on behalf of O.J. Simpson (TIM)
> show Piercing Today- various punctured people compare notes on body
adornment
> song: musical guest performs "Love Sneaking Up On You"
> news: MIM thinks that the hockey strike is stupid
> news: TIM says that the hockey strike is bad for African Americans
> news Cool Guy's (DAS) week-in-review is accomplished via facial
expressions
> skit: voyeurs (ADS) & (CHF) ruin adult education sex demo done by (CSE) &
(JAG)
> show: Daily Affirmation- Michael Jackson (TIM) & Lisa Marie Presley (host)
> comm: a face-off between monologists Eric Bogosian (ADS) & Spaulding Gray
(MMK)
> song musical guest performs "Storm Warning"
> comm discount nuptial vendors will be at Bobby Camilarri's Bridal Fair
2000
> skit 70's high schoolers (ADS) & (host) engage in small talk while
dancing
>
>
>
****************************************************************************
***
> 94j Jeff Daniels / Luscious Jackson
>
............................................................................
> 94r Courteney Cox / Dave Matthews Band
>
............................................................................
...
>
> cold: Matt Foley offers bilingual motivation for two latin kids (MOB) &
(JAM)
> mono: Bruce Springsteen (ADS) joins host on-stage for "Dancing In The
Dark"
> show: Good Morning Brooklyn- unlucky (CHF) receives "beating of the week"
> misc: going to commercial, Bela Fleck [real] plays banjo with SNL Band
> show: Gapardy- Gap girls Kristy, Lucy, Cindy compete on a game show
> song: musical guest performs "What Would You Say"
> news: eccentric English teacher Louise Ingstrom (MOS) punctuates her
commentary
> skit: (CSE) takes advantage of teenage babysitter Melanie (MAM) in a car
> skit offhand remark leads to hiring of Charles Manson (ADS) as office
manager
> skit (TIM) keeps (KEN) on the defensive by alternating truth with "jokes"
> show Replacement Baseball- a documentary on the scabs' brief careers
> skit: His Muse Friday- (host) & poetry editor (MMK) trade verse in film no
ir
> song musical guest performs "Ants Marching"
> skit aloof (DAS) becomes obnoxiously cloying after a night with (host)
>
>
>
****************************************************************************
***
> 95b CHC / Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories
>
............................................................................
> 95q Steve Forbes / Rage Against The Machine
>
............................................................................
> 96d DAC / Dr. Dre
>
............................................................................
> 96o Sting / Veruca Salt
>
............................................................................
> 96t Jeff Goldblum / En Vogue
>
............................................................................
> 97l John Goodman / Paula Cole
>
............................................................................
> 98a Cameron Diaz / The Smashing Pumpkins
>
............................................................................
> 98g Jennifer Love Hewitt / Beastie Boys
>
............................................................................
> 98h Vince Vaughn / Lauryn Hill
>
............................................................................
> 98l Gwyneth Paltrow / Barenaked Ladies
>
............................................................................
> 98n BIM / Lucinda Williams
>
............................................................................
> 99l Julianna Margulies / DMX
>
............................................................................
> 99m Ben Affleck / Fiona Apple
>
............................................................................
...
>
> cold: Nightline- Peanuts characters mourn the passing of Charles Schulz
> mono: Gwyneth Paltrow [real] comes on-stage & steals spotlight from host
> COMM Victoria's Secret- Marisa's boobs ask "what is desire"
> misc going to commercial, G.E. Smith [real] plays guitar
> skit: host pretends to be Matt Damon in order to get close to Mango
> skit Johnny Bartolotti's (host) attentions toward Denise make Sully
jealous
> TOON: "The All New Adventures of Mr. T" by RBS- Ibsen play is a chance to
work
> show Fretts Film Forum- small-town movie reviewers offer clever quotables
> SHOW FANatic- obsessive (host) wants Anna Nicole Smith (MOS) to be his
mom
> news: George W. Bush (WIF), John McCain (CHP), Alan Keyes (TIM) speechify
> song: musical guest performs "Limp"
> skit: salesman (host) is embroiled in Zimmermans' sexy search for a used
car
> skit: Sally O'Malley barges in on a police academy exercise training
session
> COMM Trilocaine treats your dandruff & induces horrific hallucinations
> show Who Wants To Be Groped By An Eleven Thousand-Aire?- (host) paws
(CHK)
>
>
>
****************************************************************************
***
> 00a Rob Lowe / Eminem
>
............................................................................
...
>
> cold: Jim Lehrer (CHP) moderates Al Gore (DAH) vs. George W. Bush (WIF)
debate
> mono: audience members ask West Wing star host some presidential questions
> COMM: Corn Chip Nail Tips are both fashion accessories & tasty snack
treats
> show: Monday Night Football- Dennis Miller (JIF) gets arcane during
pregame
> misc backstage, host & Ralph Nader [real] talk past one another
> show: Pros & Cons- vigilante snoops Scooby & Shaggy (host) defend their
methods
> song: musical guest & Dido [real] perform "Stan"
> news Leon Phelps discusses sex in Hollywood cinema & promotes his movie
> news TIF's advice to Britney Spears- "enjoy your ass while it lasts"
> news Grand Master Rap (JEM), Kid Shazaam (HOS), musical guest rap old
school
> skit: (WIF) & (MOS) endure an awkward blind date at an airport bar
> skit: perfectionist Stone Phillips (host) records intros for Dateline NBC
> song musical guest performs "The Real Slim Shady"
> misc NBC gets Up Close & Personal with CHK before a skit; Brendan Fraser
cameo
> COMM Dream Team 2000 video documents arrogance of USA Olympians in Sydney
>
>
>
****************************************************************************
***
> 00i Charlie Sheen / Nelly Furtado
>
............................................................................
> 00t Christopher Walken / Weezer
>
............................................................................
...
>
> cold: despite marital woes & a broken penis, Rudolph Giuliani (DAH) is
doing OK
> mono: oblivious to pronunciation, host sings "Let's Call The Whole Thing
Off"
> skit wowed janitor (host) imagines himself & Mango in famous screen roles
> show Hardball- Chris Matthews (DAH) likes Bob Barr's (CHP) crazy energy
scheme
> show: a lost brooch provides The Continental with another chance to woo
> news: in a terrible re-enactment, Joey Fatone (CHK) injures his foot
> news: KEN does a subliminal editorial to remind viewers he's no longer on
SNL
> news: JIF, TIF, Winona Ryder [real] stage a Weekend Update cliffhanger
> song: musical guest performs "Hash Pipe"
> skit: (ANG) is upset that her beau (host) was once a lover of Roger &
Virginia
> TOON "The Anatominals Show" by RBS- beasts' genitals spur LOM Faustian
crisis
> skit: (host)'s personal questions dominate centaur's (CHP) job interview
> skit: (WIF)'s irritability stems from the badger that crawled up his butt
> song musical guest & WIF perform "Island In The Sun"
> misc for Memorial Day, HOS, CHK, TRM, JIF perform a happy Christmas ditty
>
>
>
****************************************************************************
***
> 01b Seann William Scott / Sum 41
>
............................................................................
> 01g Derek Jeter / Bubba Sparxxx, Shakira
>
............................................................................
> 01i Ellen Degeneres / No Doubt
>
............................................................................
> 01j Josh Hartnett / Pink
>
............................................................................
...
>
> cold: Clinton (DAH) scores political points at his dog Buddy's memorial
service
> mono: based on personal experience, JIF advises host not to re-create
himself
> show: Wake Up Wakefield!- guest who hit a growth spurt (host) excites
Megan
> comm: actress (ANG) overemotes in melodramatic Lifetime Original Movie
> TOON "X-Presidents" by RBS- The Ambiguously Gay Duo helps find Osama bin
Laden
> show Shout Out Show!!- Grandmaster Freddy (TRM) gives props to everything
> song: musical guest performs "Get The Party Started"
> news verse & sentiment of Maya Angelou's (TRM) greeting cards don't match
> news: videophone delay kills timing of comedy routine by (HOS) & (CHK)
> show: HBO First Look- George Lucas (DAH) defends Attack Of The Clones
casting
> skit: flight crew offers lame entertainment to passengers stuck on runway
> MISC My Best List For 2001 by Jack Handey- picks reflect sponsors'
influence
> song musical guest performs "Don't Let Me Get Me"
> show to promote multicultural awareness, the Playboy Channel screens Arab
porn
>
>
>
****************************************************************************
***
> 01m Jonny Moseley / Outkast
>
............................................................................
> 01p Cameron Diaz / Jimmy Eat World
>
............................................................................
Jason Wuthrich
I don't usually respond to the SNL skeds, but I can't pass this line up:
Big fat Greek deal.
<ducking>