Night Court quotes
Drifter...
While chatting with Debbie Brown, the subject of "Night Court" quotes came
up. I was wondering if anyone has a "Night Court" quotes file, or at least one
for a particular character. I'm especially interested in Dan FIelding quips
and insults.
Here are a few that I have:
"He was going in to vote when he was assaulted by... Swamp Thing."
--Dan Fielding, "Night Court"
"I felt Dan was the best one for the job." "Why? Because he has a pair of...
pants?" "Chicken!"
--Harry, Christine, and Roz, "Night Court"
"I think you voted *against* Dan because he's a man... and because he makes
wax impressions of your nylons."
--Harry to Christine, "Night Court"
"Now, does everyone remember that fire drill we had last month?" "No." "Neither
do I. RUN FOR IT!"
--Bull and the audience, "Night Court"
"This is... the morgue." "Sorry, no walk-ins."
--Harry and a doctor, "Night Court"
"I forgot what a drag live people can be."
--Morgue attendant, "Night Court"
"Sure, she has moral fiber. She hasn't had a man since Watergate."
--Dan Fielding, "Night Court"
"Seedling? Fielding you impotent windsock, Dan Fielding!"
--Dan Fielding, "Night Court"
"Death is just natures way of telling you... hey, you're not alive anymore!"
--Bull, "Night Court"
Those all came from just one episode, too.
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Kevin J Podsiadlik
>
> While chatting with Debbie Brown, the subject of "Night Court" quotes came
>up. I was wondering if anyone has a "Night Court" quotes file, or at least one
>for a particular character. I'm especially interested in Dan FIelding quips
>and insults.
Well, I don't have a complete file by any means, but here's a bunch of quotes
from my favorite episode, to get you started:
Woman: Why don't we just jump in bed?
Dan: Well, there's another option...and a mighty fine one at that
Woman: What are you gonna do about it?
Dan: I'm gonna chill you. I'm gonna thrill you. I'm gonna make the earth move.
(they embrace, earthquake occurs)
Dan: And that was with my shoes on.
Woman: Please, God no! If you have any shred of decency, you'll stop right
there!
Dan: As I was saying...
Chad (mini-Dan): Lady, I'd give you ten bucks to see you in your old uniform.
Christine: Chad, it would only come to here. (indicates halfway down torso)
Dan: Ok, twenty.
Dan: (weighing fellow elevator occupants) 320...350...Roz, you go about?
Roz: 115.
Dan: I see, so the uniform weighs, what, 70, 80 pounds?
Mary: (mini-Christine) What's a live sex act?
Teacher: Well, Mary, we'll discuss that later...on career day.
Radio: This is no reason to panic.
Christine: What!?
Radio: I said there is no reason to panic!
Dan: (in front of the kids) The defendants are charged with "playing doctor"
Harry: Well put, Dan...
Dan: Apparently it was an exploratory surgery...
Harry: We've got to find someone who speaks Japanese.
Bull: How tall?
Harry: Five foot four?
Ball: Good choice!
Roz: Sit down.
Dan: Or what?
Roz: Or I'll make you sit down.
Dan: You're gonna make me sit down? YOU are gonna make me sit down?
(Roz smacks Dan, who falls over)
Roz: Any questions?
(Sumo wrestlers in elevator cower)
Harry (to Ernie, mini-Harry): They're childish, and they're silly, and why do
I feel like I've heard this speech before?
[...]
...Oh God, I WAS a geek!
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Kevin Podsiadlik " ... and LARRY BIRD!!!!"
k...@en.ecn.purdue.edu
Chad 'Mr.B' Jackson
>> While chatting with Debbie Brown, the subject of "Night Court" quotes came
>>up. I was wondering if anyone has a "Night Court" quotes file, or at least one
>>for a particular character. I'm especially interested in Dan FIelding quips
>>and insults.
>Well, I don't have a complete file by any means, but here's a bunch of quotes
>from my favorite episode, to get you started:
And some of my favorite ones....
Harry: Well, Doc, aren't you a bit out of your league on this one?
Dan: Yeah Harry, let's just say his league has a lower strike zone.
I can't help it, it's so easy! This is the chance of a lifetime!
(a couple of more exchanges)
Gynecologist: Well, it's been a while since I've
Selma: Been with a man??
It IS easy!
(the bowling night episode)
Dan: AAAAAGH! My brain! It's hemmhoraging!
Harry: Slap a band-aid on it and suit up, Dan.
(walks over to Mack)
Can you believe the nerve of that guy?
Mack: Oh no, sir...hurts my arm just thinking about it sir
(shows arm in sling)
Harry: If it were off completely, maybe.
Harry: Mack, you know what I was thinking?
Mack: Oh you know I do sir...
Harry: They've got this Dome in Detroit where the pro football team plays.
And I was thinking, if the football team was playing in the dome against the
football team from Chicago, and at the same time across town the Detroit
baseball team was playing, then you'd have
Harry and Mack together: Lions and Tigers and Bears!
Mack: Oh, my!
You keep settin' em up sir and I'll keep bringin' em home...
(Harry, Mack, and Dan reviewing some X films)
Harry: Thigh Anxiety
Dan: Terrible. It has a plot.
Harry: Wet Side Story
Dan: The choreography was awful.
Harry: The Empire Gets Lucky
Dan: (Thumbs up) One of the year's ten best!
Harry: Thank you, Rex Rude
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- mis...@oak.circa.ufl.edu (for a limited time only...) -
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Jason F. Harvey
Instructor:How many of you knew that I am flexing my vaginial muscles
right now.
(Dan raises his hand.)
Dan:For about three minutes, right!?
Harry(to Art):What, since the day we met, have you been talking about?
Dan:That briefcase cost me 400 dollars.
Roz: I can believe it. It's not leaking at all.
-JHarvey
"Everything that is good and bad in the world depends on your personal
point of view. Never pressure your point of view onto someone else.
That just makes the world less diverse!"
-Me, Myself and I
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$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Jason F. Harvey
jh...@andrew.cmu.edu
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Deborah Brown
>Here are a couple of my favorite:
[a couple of my faves too, btw edited]
>Dan:That briefcase cost me 400 dollars.
>Roz: I can believe it. It's not leaking at all.
For this one, it's important to note that Christine had just yakked in it,
that's why Roz mentioned that it wasn't leaking. One of the funniest things
they've done in the past few seasons!
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Drifter...
>In article <Maw6U4a00...@andrew.cmu.edu> jh...@andrew.cmu.edu (Jason F. Harvey) writes:
>>Dan:That briefcase cost me 400 dollars.
>>Roz: I can believe it. It's not leaking at all.
>For this one, it's important to note that Christine had just yakked in it,
>that's why Roz mentioned that it wasn't leaking. One of the funniest things
>they've done in the past few seasons!
briefcases have taken. In the first season he put a cake in it, and closed it.
Christine has barfed in it, a soiled baby diaper was stored in it, and once
he had a super steel briefcase that I think either saved his life or nearly
kill him, I can't remember which.
On a different note, what episode of Night Court was it that had some
Star Trek-like people who get beamed up? I caught only the last few seconds
of the scene for that episode...
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CARL%NUCENG...@PINE.CIRCA.UFL.EDU - "Here, have a scooby snack."
I heard was your electric shaver. At least I *hope* it was her electric
shaver." --Doctor, Doctor
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