Saturday Night Live FAQ: General Questions
Doug Krause
Last-modified: 1994/11/03
Posting-Frequency: Monthly
Saturday Night Live FAQ: General Questions
===========================================
Subject: Topics
What is SNL?
Is it really live?
Is there an episode guide?
Where is the show broadcast from?
Wasn't Steve Martin a player?
What is a "Five Timer"?
How do I get tickets for SNL?
How can I contact Lorne Michaels?
How can I get a copy of the "XYZ Sketch"?
Gilda married *who*?
Which star has been on the show the longest?
Who were the youngest and oldest hosts?
Weren't The Beatles on the show?
It's only x weeks into the season. Why are they showing reruns?
Didn't somebody get fired for saying "fuck" on the air?
Has anybody else said "fuck" on the show?
Who created Mr. Bill?
Who is the voice at the beginning of the show?
Didn't somebody else announce in the early 80's?
Who's in the cast?
What else have they been in?
How can I learn more about SNL?
Why is SNL so bad recently?
Subject: What is SNL?
SNL is Saturday Night Live. It is a comedy/music
television show on the NBC television network. It
is usually broadcast on Saturday nights at 11:30pm
ET. The show was originally called NBC's Saturday
Night because there was a show on ABC starring Howard
Cosell at the same time called Saturday Night Live.
The producers later gained permission to rename the
show. The "Not Ready For Prime Time Players" moniker
also came from ABC's Saturday Night Live actors who
called themselves the "Prime Time Players".
Subject: Is it really live?
Yes, it is broadcast live (except for a few taped
segments such as the fake commercials). There were
also three occasions when it was broadcast on a delay
because of the reputations of the hosts. These were:
Dec 13, 1975: Richard Pryor (5 second delay)
Nov 15, 1986: Sam Kinison (7 second delay?)
May 12, 1990: Andrew Dice Clay (7 second delay?)
Subject: Is there an episode guide?
There will be one someday. I've been working on an
episode guide since early 1990, but my time gets more
and more scarce. I might be posting finished excerpts
from it in the near future. Please stay tuned.
Subject: Where is the show broadcast from?
Studio 8-H in 30 Rockefeller Plaza, New York City. There
have been a couple of exceptions to this. During the 1976
presidential campaigns Studio 8-H was taken over for poli-
tical coverage and the shows of 23 Oct 1976, 30 Oct 1976,
and 13 Nov 1976 were broadcast from NBC's Studio One in
Brooklyn. There was also a special Mardi Gras show that
was done live during primetime from New Orleans on 20 Feb
1977 (which was a Sunday).
Subject: Wasn't Steve Martin a player?
One word: No. Steve Martin has hosted the most times,
but he was never a regular player. While we're at
it, neither was Buck Henry, although he has hosted
second most often. If you have seen a "Best of Sat-
urday Night" broadcast when Steve was hosting you
would have seen him listed alphabetically with the
players. This has led to some confusion on the topic.
Subject: What is a "Five Timer"?
People who have hosted the show five times or more.
This was given heavy coverage in a sketch on 8 Dec
1990 when Tom Hanks hosted his 5th show. Five-Timers
Paul Simon, Steve Martin, and Elliott Gould showed
up and welcomed Tom into the "Five Timers Club." The
other people who have hosted five times or more are
Candice Bergen, Buck Henry, John Goodman, Danny DeVito,
and Chevy Chase.
Subject: How do I get tickets for SNL?
You can write to:
Saturday Night Live
c/o NBC
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York City, NY 10112
Their selection process is rather strange. According to Bill
Dennen, your request must be postmarked in August. All other
requests are thrown away. Also, the numbers of requests is
high, so you will be very lucky to receive tickets.
Subject: How can I contact Lorne Michaels?
Write to:
Lorne Michaels
c/o Broadway Video
1619 Broadway
New York City, NY 10019
Subject: How can I get a copy of the "XYZ Sketch"?
Several people have asked me this question. Unfortunately, I
don't know. The best thing I can suggest is that you write to
either NBC or Broadway Video and ask if copies of old shows or
sketches are available.
Subject: Gilda married *who*?
GE Smith. Yes, before Gilda Radner married Gene Wilder
she was married to GE (George Edward) Smith.
Subject: Which star has been on the show the longest?
Phil Hartman started his 8th season of SNL on 25 Sep 1993. Kevin
Nealon has also been around since 1986, but he started as a featured
player. Also, writers and featured players Al Franken and Tom Davis
have been with the show for most of its run.
[Note - I know this needs updating. -ed]
Subject: Who were the youngest and oldest hosts?
Technically, George Carlin was the youngest *and* oldest
host on the first show, but let's not get silly. As of
this writing, Drew Barrymore is the youngest host in SNL
history. Here are the ages of the hosts under 18:
Date Host Age
---- ---- ---
27 Nov 1976 Jodie Foster 14y 0m 8d
20 Nov 1982 Drew Barrymore 7y 8m 29d
24 Feb 1990 Fred Savage 13y 7m 15d
23 Nov 1991 Macaulay Culkin 11y 2m 28d
The oldest host was a lady named Miskel Spillman. She was
an 80+ year old grandmother that won the "Anyone Can Host"
contest held in 1977. She and four other finalists (Richard
Canipe, Connie Crawford, David Lewis, and Deb Blair) appeared
on the 19 Nov 1977 show. Viewers were asked to write in and
vote for their favorite. Miskel won and hosted the Christ-
mas show on 17 Dec. The second oldest host was Ruth Gordon
who was 80 when she hosted on 22 Jan 1977.
Subject: Weren't The Beatles on the show?
Sort of yes and no. On 24 Apr 1976, Lorne Michaels offered
The Beatles $3000 to appear on SNL and sing three songs. Then
on 22 May he came on again and upped the offer to $3200 plus
hotel accomadations. On 20 Nov, George Harrison showed up
and tried to claim all the money himself. Lorne said
that if it was up to him, George could have the money,
but NBC wouldn't agree. When Paul McCartney appeared on
the show on 13 Feb 1993 he and Lorne were seen talking
about the offer during the monologue. Paul also appeared
on 17 May 1980. Ringo Starr hosted on 08 Dec 1984. John
Lennon never appeared.
Subject: It's only x weeks into the season. Why are they showing reruns?
SNL usually broadcasts three live shows in a row and then
takes a week off. Once in Jan 1976 four shows where done
in a row and it was so stressful they vowed never to do it
again. Sometimes it seems we're lucky to get two new shows
in a row.
Subject: Didn't somebody get fired for saying "fuck" on the air?
Depends on how you look at it. On 21 Feb 1981 (when the
show was doing very poorly) there was a running "who shot
J.R. Ewing" gag. At the end of the show Charlene Tilton
was on stage with Charles Rocket (who was playing J.R.)
and she asked how he felt. Charles responded: "Oh man,
it's the first time I've been shot in my life. I'd like
to know who the fuck did it." Needless to say, NBC offi-
cials were not happy. On Monday 10 Mar 1981, Jean Doumanian
(the post-Lorne Michaels producer), and most of the play-
ers were fired. Only Eddie Murphy and Joe Piscopo sur-
vived. There was also a featured player who accidently
mumbled "fuckin'" instead of "floggin'" during a sketch.
It was none other than our good friend Mr. Paul Shaffer on
15 Mar 1980. You can hear a couple of people in the
audience gasp after the mistake, but nothing much else
came of it.
Subject: Has anybody else said "fuck" on the show?
Yes, according to Jarret Cooper <jco...@uicslsw.csl.uiuc.edu>:
To the list of people who have said "fuck" on SNL, add Morris Day
(of The Time). The Time appeared on the 1990 show featuring host
George Steinbrenner (20 Oct 1990 -ed.), and performed "Jerk Out"
and "Chocolate". During the second song, there is a pantomime
about Morris going to a restaurant for dinner. At the end of the
song, after "dinner" arrives, the music stops, and in the few
seconds of silence before the "finale", Morris quite clearly looks
at Jerome and says:
"Where the fuck this chicken come from -- I thought I ordered ribs!"
Oh, and also (as detailed in the "SNL: Backstage History" book,
Prince did NOT refrain from using the lyric "Fightin' war is such
a fuckin' bore" during his performance of "Partyup" on the same
night as Rocket's "who the fuck did it" line.
Eddie Tillis <til...@icpsr.umich.edu>:
I remember a show where Tony Danza guest hosted (28 Jan 1989 -ed.),
and they did a sketch on stereotypical Italians (or "Tonys," I'm not
sure ). The last line in the sketch was Tony's and he said "Fuckin' A!"
William Lambert <wlam...@nations.ucs.indiana.edu>:
The sketch was "Da Brooklyn Academy of Fine Arts presents *Da War of
da Woilds*, and Danza's last line was clearly "fonkin' aaaay!!". Most
of the cast had been using "fonkin'" throughout the sketch; in fact,
one of the big laughs came from Jon Lovitz's obvious care in not saying
the other word.
Jim Henning <ujhe...@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu>:
Steven Tyler of Aerosmith sang "get the f---ing monkey off my back"
in their 1990 [17 Feb 1990 -ed] appearance promoting their album
"Pump". The offending word was silenced out for the rebroadcast.
And most recently Janet Jackson used the word "fuck" during her
her performance of "Throb" on 14 May 1994.
Bob <bam...@jpmorgan.com>:
There was a sketch a couple of years ago with host Joe Pesci. He
was a customer in a pinkie ring shop. He'd try on each pinkie
ring and then look at himself in a full-length mirror. He'd do
various poses with the ring, then move on to another ring. Each
successive ring would be accompanied by more and more elaborate
poses and gestures with the ring. By the end, he was miming a
conversation with an imaginary person, and the argument got heated
and he ends up mouthing "Fuck You! Fuck You! Fuck me?
No, Fuck You!", repeatedly. He never says it out loud, but even
a lousy lip reader could make out what he was saying. :-)
Sasha_I...@horacemann.pvt.k12.ny.us:
REM also used the word "fuck" on their most recent performance of
"What's the Frequency, Kenneth?". However, Michael Stipe had his
back turned to the audience. (This was 12 Nov 1994. -ed)
David C. Jones <djo...@ponder.csci.unt.edu>:
I'm pretty sure you have already heard this a million times now
since its all they can talk about now over on Rec.music.rem, but
last week when Stipe performed What's the Frequency Kenneth,
he performed the album version, the last line of which is:
"I never understood. Don't fuck with me."
Shortly before the line, Mike Mills gives Stipe this "are you gonna
do it?" look. Stipe smiles at him, turns around, and then says it
so you can't see his lips.
Subject: Who created Mr. Bill?
Walter Williams. (I'll add more information about him in a later
version of the FAQ. -ed)
Subject: Who is the voice at the beginning of the show?
None other than veteran NBC announcer Don Pardo.
Subject: Didn't somebody else announce in the early 80's?
Yes. Mel Brandt announced the 1981-1982 season with
the exception of 5 and 12 Dec 1981 which were done by
Bill Hanrahan.
Subject: Who's in the cast?
Please see the posting "Saturday Night Live FAQ: Quick Bios".
Subject: What else have they been in?
Please see the posting "Saturday Night Live FAQ: Other Credits".
Subject: How can I learn more about SNL?
See the posting "Saturday Night Live FAQ: References". It contains
a list of books and articles about the show.
Subject: Why is SNL so bad recently?
Flamebait! Flamebait! :-)
Subject: Thanks
Thanks for help go to:
The cast and crew of "Saturday Night"
Doug Hill and Jeff Weingrad (co-authors of 'Saturday Night: A backstage
history of Saturday Night Live')
levy michael ( bs cmsc) <mle...@gl.umbc.edu>
Jonathan Frome <jhf...@unix.amherst.edu>
Jeffrey Neau <je...@cray.com>
Philip O'Connell <sha...@esu.edu>
Bill Dennen <WDE...@CCVM.sunysb.edu>
Dave Mackey <davem...@BIX.com>
Jarret Cooper <jco...@uicslsw.csl.uiuc.edu>
Eddie Tillis <til...@icpsr.umich.edu>
Matt Fox <ma...@belvedere.sbay.org>
Cader <ca...@aol.com>
William Lambert <wlam...@nations.ucs.indiana.edu>:
Bob <bam...@jpmorgan.com>:
Subject: How to get a current copy of the FAQ
If this document is out of date, the latest version can be
obtained from one of these sources:
ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/faq
ftp://ftp.uu.net/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/faq.Z
http://www.cis.ohio-state.edu/hypertext/faq/usenet/tv/sat-night-live/faq/faq.html
Please send any corrections or new information to di...@best.com.
'Weekend Update recognizes our responsibility to present opposing view-
points whenever we're in the mood.' -Chevy Chase (Saturday Night - 05/29/1976)
--
Doug Krause di...@best.com http://www.best.com/~dijon/
"Now the circle is complete. The Circle of Life!" -Mufasa Vader
Doug Krause
Last-modified: 1995/01/25
Posting-Frequency: Monthly
Saturday Night Live FAQ: References
====================================
This is a list of written references for Saturday Night Live. It
is intended as a pointer for those who want to learn more about the
show.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Saturday night: a backstage history of Saturday night live (1986)
by Doug Hill and Jeff Weingrad
I highly recommend this book. It gives a detailed, in-depth
analysis of the show from its beginning to 1984 or so. Most
of the information comes from interviews and the authors view-
ing old episodes on videotape.
Subject: SNL! The world of saturday night live
by Hal Schuster
I don't not recommend this book on the whole. It has some
interesting information and pictures, but it is poorly written
and has many errors (including at least three different spellings
of Aykroyd). Another glaring error is in the biography section.
The page devoted to John Belushi has a picture of his brother,
Jim. If you can check this book out from a library, go ahead and
get it. But be sure to take all the information in it with a
shaker of salt.
Subject: Rolling Stone Visits Saturday Night Live
Frank Serpas III writes:
I found an SNL-related book in the UT library entitled "Rolling Stone
Visits Saturday Night Live." It's made up of articles that originally
appeared in the magazine. It has some behind-the-scenes stuff and
interviews with the original cast members, Michael O'Donoghue, and Lorne
Michaels.
Subject: Saturday Night Live The First Twenty Years (1994)
Edited by Michael Cader
Houghton Mifflin Company
ISBN 0-395-70895-8
(Will review later. -ed)
Subject: Playboy Magazine Interviews
May 1977: Dan Aykroyd, Anne Beatts, John Belushi, Chevy Chase, Jane Curtin,
Al Franken, Tom Davis, Lorne Michaels, Garrett Morris, Laraine
Newman, Michael O'Donoghue, Gilda Radner, Rosie Schuster, and
Alan Zweibel
Jan 1980: Steve Martin
Mar 1988: Billy Crystal
Jun 1988: Chevy Chase
Mar 1992: Lorne Michaels
Subject: Thanks
Frank Serpas III <ser...@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu>
Keith Privett <72704...@compuserve.com>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
If this document is out of date, the latest version can be
obtained from one of these sources:
ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/references
ftp://ftp.uu.net/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/references.Z
http://www.cis.ohio-state.edu/hypertext/faq/usenet/tv/sat-night-live/references/faq.html
Please send any corrections or new information to di...@best.com.
--
Doug Krause
Last-modified: 1995/03/06
Posting-Frequency: Monthly
Saturday Night Live FAQ: Recurring Characters
==============================================
Saturday Night Recurring Characters is a list of recurring characters
from NBC's Saturday Night. I have tried to limit the list to recurring
characters, but some of the single appearance characters have been
memorable enough to list them anyway. I'm also listing anytime a
player has done a celebrity. There have also been hosts that have
played recurring characters. A few of them have been added at the
end of the list.
Aykroyd, Dan
------------
Weekend Update anchor
Elwood Blues
Yortuk Festrunk (a wild and crazy guy)
Jimmy Carter
Richard Nixon
Beldar Singh Conehead
Leonard Pinth-Garnell
Fred Garvin: Male Prostitute
Tom Snyder
Bass-O-Matic pitchman
Shark Hunter
Mel (of Mel's Char Palace)
Julia Child
E. Buzz Miller
Robert Dole
Erwin Mainway
chef at Olympia Cafe
Ex-Police
Jason (drug user)
Norge refrigerator repairman
Scottish restaurant owner
Rod Serling
Clark Gable
a bee
Aykroyd, Peter
--------------
Java Junkie
Belushi, Jim
------------
Willie Nelson
Captain Kangaroo
Rappin' Jimmy B
Santa, the Terminator
Rosemary Cloony
Jennifer Beals
Richard Donner
Hulk Hogan
Joan Collins
Michael Reagan
Belushi, John
-------------
Joliet Jake Blues
The Samurai
Pete (Olympia Cafe owner)
Leader of the Coneheads
Henry Kissinger
Shark Hunter
Ludwig von Beethoven
Captain of The Raging Queen
Fred Silverman
Elizabeth Taylor
Joe Cocker
Windowpane Watson (drug user)
Rasputin
Damien (from The Omen)
Truman Capote
Humphrey Bogart
Head of Sodom Tourism Bureau
a bee
Marlon Brando
Danny Thomas
Billy Gray
James T. Kirk/William Shatner
Leonid Breznev
Larry Paisner (Husband of Bobbie Paisner)
Bud Grant (Minnesota Vikings Coach)
Brooks, Albert
--------------
himself?
Brown, A. Whitney
-----------------
Weekend Update commentator
Cahill, Beth
------------
Tri-Delt
Denise Swerski (Miss South Side of Chicago)
Marcia Brady
Carvey, Dana
------------
Garth Algar
George Bush
H. Ross Perot
Grumpy Old Man
Casey Kasem
Dennis Miller
John McLaughlin
Enid Strict (The Church Lady)
Hans
Johnny Carson
Carsenio
Massive Headwound Harry
Scott Hamilton
Strom Thurmond
Jimmy Stewart
Regis Philbin
Jerry Brown
Chris (Pat's SO)
Dan Quayle
John Travolta
Michael J. Fox
Bob Dylan
Lyle the Effeminate Heterosexual
Asian store owner (his name might be Ching Chang)
Prince Charles
Woody Allen
"guy in restuarant who says, 'Wait at the bar'"
a Sammie
George F. Will
Frank Zappa
Al Pacino
Ted Koppel
Derek Stevens (the "choppin' broccoli" singer)
Mickey Rooney
Neil Young
Jim McKay
Davis Lee Roth
George Michael
Kirk Cameron
Paul McCartney
Prince Albert
Richard Gephardt
Jimmy Carter
Chase, Chevy
------------
Weekend Update anchor
Gerald Ford
The Shark
a bee
Mr. Spock/Leonard Nimoy
Cleghorne, Ellen
----------------
Queen Shenequa
Zarada (NBC page)
Anita Hill
Natalie Cole
Amy Fisher
Sister Souljah
Patti LaBelle
Mary J. Blige
Dr. Dre
Kim Wayans
Anita Baker
Marla Gibbs
Robin Quivers
Guinan/Whoopi Goldberg
Joycelyn Elders
Tina Turner
Alfre Woodard
Coe, George
-----------
Crystal, Billy
--------------
Fernando
Buddy Young Jr.
Sammy Davis Jr.
Frankie (the "don't you hate it when" guy)
Muhammand Ali
Kitty Brynner
Ted Baxter
Joe Franklin
Prince
? Howard Cosell
Herve Villechaize
Christopher Guest's idiot bowling buddy
Pop (of Rice Krispies)
Joe Garagiola
Dr. Haing S. Ngor
Al Minkman
Lou Goldman
Little Caesar (wrestler)
Adam Ant??
Curtin, Jane
------------
Weekend Update anchor
Prymaat Conehead
Mrs. Widette
Mrs. Loopner
Joan Face
Iris de Flaminio
Ann Landers
Eleanor Roosevelt
Rula Lenska
Pat Nixon
Betty Ford
a Rhondette
a bee
Vivian Vance
Dolly Parton
Barbara Billingsley
Jane Wyatt
Joan Crawford
Cusack, Joan
------------
Brooke Shields
Jane Fonda
Davis, Tom
----------
Incredible Kiss-Ass
Dillon, Denny
-------------
Amy Carter
Pinky Waxman
Yoko Ono
teenager Debbie (Vicki's friend)
Downey Jr., Robert
------------------
Downey, Jim
-----------
Doyle-Murray, Brian
-------------------
Weekend Update anchor
Jerry Falwell
Rod Serling
Ken Anderson
Albert Einstein
Colonel Tom Parker
Duke, Robin
-----------
Wendy Whiner
Mrs. T
Shari Lewis (with Lambchop)
Paulette Clooney
Shelley Winters
Eva Braun
Dunn, Nora
----------
Leona Helmsley
Pat Stevens
Linda Dano
Marilyn Quayle
Patricia Schroeder
Liz Sweeney
Martina Navratilova
Babette (Weekend Update Correspondent)
Ann Landers
Joan Baez
Tyne Daly
Donna Rice
Mary Hart
Ashley Ashley
Peggy Lee
Liza Minelli
Wayne Campbell's mom
Barbara Bush
Jeane Kirkpatick
Denise Venetti
Imelda Marcos
Ebersole, Christine
-------------------
Weekend Update anchor
Princess Diana
Mary Travers (from Peter, Paul, and Mary)
Britt Ekland
Cheryl Tiegs
Rona Barrett
Fallon, Siobhan
---------------
Tri-Delt
Farley, Chris
-------------
Carney Wilson
Tom Arnold
Jack Germond
Boris Yeltsin
Middle-Aged Man's Drinking Buddy
Superfan Todd O'Connor
B-Fats
Howell Heflin
Mama Cass
affectionate restaurant worker/hotel worker
Cindy (Christie and Lucy's boss from The Gap)
Sandman the Clown
SuperPope
Bennett Brauer
General Norman Schwartzkopf
worker at Hub's Gyros
The Skipper (from Gilligan's Island)
George Wendt/Hillary Norman Peterson
Meatloaf
John Kruk
Matt Foley (the motivational speaker)
Andrew Giuliani
John Madden
Mr. O'Malley (Herlihy Boy assistant/manager)
Chris Farley of the Chris Farley Show
Jerry Garcia
Lori Davis (from the hair products infomercial)
Gerard Depardieu
Newt Gingrich
Franken, Al
-----------
Stuart Smalley
Paul Simon
Pat Robertson
Paul Tsongas
Henry Kissinger
Jim Bakker
Lyndon LaRouche
Weekend Update mobile reporter
Gottfried, Gilbert
------------------
Leo Waxman
Roman Polanski
Gross, Mary
-----------
Weekend Update anchor
Alfalfa
Chichi
Mary Tyler Moore
Dr. Ruth Westheimer
Celeste (married to Tim Kazurinsky's nerdy guy)
El Dorko's waitress
Siobhan Cahill
Geraldine Ferraro
Pee Wee Herman
Margaret Thatcher
Harriet Nelson
Marilyn Monroe
Brooke Shields
Eleanor Roosevelt
Leslie Uggams
Lena Horne
Mary Todd Lincoln
Ann Landers
Anne Burford
Guest, Christopher
------------------
Saturday Night News anchor
Willie (the "don't you hate it when" guy)
Nigel Tufnel
Murray Slaughter (from MTM)
Red Skelton
PI Rajiv Vinderlu
coach of the synchronized swimming brothers
Billy Crystal's idiot bowling buddy
Crackle (of Rice Krispies)
James Mason
Alan Arkin
Senor Cosa
Herb Minkman
Hall, Anthony Michael
---------------------
Art Garfunkel
Bobby Kennedy
Daryl Hall
one of the Jones Brothers
Hall, Brad
----------
Saturday Night News anchor
Larry (of Larry's Corner)
John Hinckley
Mike (friend of El Dorko)
The Human Stapler
John Delorean
Walter Mondale
William F. Buckley
Hall, Rich
----------
Osgood Charles
David Byrne
Doug Flutie
Doug Henning
Paul Harvey
Wandering Man
Bernard Goetz
Vince McMahon
Mark Goodman
Caspar Weinberger
Hartman, Phil
-------------
Bill Clinton
Ted Kennedy
Barbara Bush
Frank Sinatra
Gene, The Anal Retentive Chef/Fisherman/Carpenter
Ed McMahon
Frankenstein
Cirroc (Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer)
Jack Nicholson
James Stockdale
Ronald Reagan
Jack Kemp
Joseph A. Wapner
Donald Trump
Santa Claus
Lee Iacocca
Phil Donahue
Kenny Rogers
Charlton Heston
Zeus
Kelsey Grammer/Dr. Frazier Crane
Burt Reynolds
Michael Eisner
Officer Miller
Frank Gifford
Jesus Christ
Telly Savalas
Russell Clark (senior editor of Sassy)
Susan (from Sprockets)
Sam Walton?
David Brinkley
Pat Buchanan
Lt. Worf/Michael Dorn
Jimmy Johnson
Elton John
Chick Hazard, P.I.
Jimmy the Greek
Dick Button
Liberace
Ray Combs
Roy Halston
Peter Graves
Roger Ebert
Michael Caine
Helmut (Hans & Franz whipping boy)
Beev Algar
John Tower
Robert Packwood
Robert Palmer
Oral Roberts
Jim Bakker
Verne Lundquist
Tyler, Chieftain of the T-Birds
Johnny Cash
Andy Griffith
Mario Cuomo
Robert McFarlane
Bill Franklin (game show host)
Bruce Babbitt
Jimmy The Greek
Jimmy Swaggart
Wilford Brimley
Albert Goldman
Hooks, Jan
----------
Hillary Clinton
Sinead O'Connor
Kitty Dukakis
Diane Sawyer
Dee Kelly
Candy Sweeney
Ivana Trump
Mrs. Claus
woman who swore in Dan Quayle (Sandra Day O'Connor?)
Jessica Hahn
Diane Sawyer
Nancy Reagan
Jean Marsh
Diana Ross
Mary Jo Buttafuoco
Mia Farrow
Tammy Faye Bakker
Marge Kiester
Sally Jesse Raphael
Sally Kellerman
Corazon Aquino
Shirley Maclaine
Elizabeth Dole
Peggy Fleming
Tracy Ullman
Bette Davis
Betty Ford
Nancy Simmons (friend of Wayne & Garth)
Susan Dey
Marla Maples
Tammy Wynette
Nancy Glass
Hutsell, Melanie
----------------
Jan Brady
Tori Spelling
Tammy Wynette
Tri-Delt
Monica Seles
Amy Fisher (as portrayed by Tori Spelling)
Anne Murray
Wynona Judd
Ricki Lake
Tonya Harding
Mayim Bialik/Blossom
Charo
Jackson, Victoria
-----------------
Roseanne Arnold
Edie Gorme
Cyndi Lauper
Rob Lowe
Cindy Brady
Nancy Maloney (singer at Johnny Spimozo's)
Toonces' owner
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Jenny Baker (pious girl Church Lady accuses of sinning)
Fawn Hall
Donna Rice
Kaufman, Andy
-------------
Elvis Presley
"Mighty Mouse lip syncher"
Kazurinsky, Tim
---------------
Paul Simon
Abna Guteim Vishnuberhier (the "Gandhi" guy)
Dr. Jack Betoffsky (the news doctor with the wacky diseases)
Mr. Robinson's landlord
Marvin (married to Mary Gross' nerdy lady)
Dr. Strangelove
the "I Married a Monkey" guy
Adolf Hitler
Larry "Bud" Melman
Menachem Begin
Moe Howard
Worthington Clotman
Ozzy Osbourne
Johnny Cash
David Stockman
Franklin Delano Roosevelt
Forrest Gregg
Seiko
Klaus Barbie
Gary Hart
Wayne Huevos
Gandhi
Kroeger, Gary
-------------
Walter Mondale
Writer for "First Draft Theater"
Dwight McNamara
Julio Iglesias
Alan Alda
El Dorko
Ira Needleman (the singing oral surgeon)
Donny Osmond
Paul Shaffer
Yassir Arafat
Ted Kennedy
Larry Fine
Dustin Hoffman
Steve Bell
Bobby Kennedy
Carl Sagan
Bruce Springsteen
Louis-Dreyfus, Julia
--------------------
Consuela (friend of Chi Chi)
Rhoda from Mary Tyler Moore
Diana Ross
Patty Lynn Hunsacker (a teenage girl)
Linda Ronstadt
Nina Blackwood
Marie Osmond
Trudy
April May June
Linda Ellerbee
Becky (friend of El Dorko)
Joanne Worley
Weather Woman
Nastassia Kinski
Joanna Carson
Dr. Helen Caldicott
Joan Mondale
Lovitz, Jon
-----------
Tommy Flanagan (Pathological Liars Anonymous)
The Master Thespian
Tonto
Satan
Michael Dukakis
Harvey Fierstein
Hanukkah Harry
Annoying Man
Frenchie
Caspar Weinberger
Queen Elizabeth II
"I'm a jerk/out of my league guy"
Evelyn Quince
character similar to Grumpy Old Man
David Crosby
Ringo Starr
Eddie Spimozo (owner of the Jungle Room)
Host of "Tales of Ribaldry"
Gene Shalit
The Amazing Alexander
Sylvester Stallone
Tommy Lasorda
Howie Mandel
Don Adams
Raul Allegre
David (guy obsessed with Woody Allen)
Ivan Boesky
F. Murray Abraham
Douglas Ginsburg
Muammar Kaddafi
Jerry Tarkanian
Robert Bork
Manuel Noriega
Raymond Burr
Judd Nelson
Paul Sarbanes
Bob (Teeny Cafe pianist)
Marv Albert
MacDonald, Norm
---------------
Weekend Update correspondent
Dr. Jack Kevorkian
Charles Kuralt
Andy Rooney
Flea
Matthius, Gail
--------------
Weekend Update anchor
teenager Vicki (Debbie's friend)
Nancy Reagan
Irene Cara
McKean, Michael
---------------
David St. Hubbins
Howard Stern
Lenny Kosnowski (from Laverne and Shirley)
Vincent Price
Jeffrey Dahmer
Elvis Costello
Robert Shapiro
Gary Busey
Meadows, Tim
------------
Bernard Shaw
Clarence Thomas
Montel Williams
Sammy Davis Jr.
Handsome Black Guy
Joey Buttafuoco
old man from "Tales from the Barbeque"
Billy Dee Williams
Ike Turner
Todd Bridges
Snoop Doggy Dog
Russell Simmons
David Dinkins
Dion Sanders
Luther Vandross
Bryant Gumble
Captain Jim
Geordi LaForge/Levar Burton
Isaac the Bartender/Ted Lange
Michael Jackson
James Baldwin
Aaron Neville
Greg Gumbel
Denzel Washington
Ed Bradley
OJ Simpson
Al Cowlings
General Colin Powell
Michaels, Lorne
---------------
"the producer"
Miller, Dennis
--------------
Weekend Update anchor
Gary Hart
Koko the Clown
George Harrison
Mohr, Jay
---------
Christopher Walken
Andrew McCarthey
Kenny G
Sean Penn
Don Rickles
Dick Vitale
lead singer of Red Hot Chili Peppers
Morris, Garrett
---------------
Chico Escuela
Assistant Leader of the Coneheads
Cliff (Czech brothers' friend)
Weekend Update translator
Sammy Davis Jr.
Uncle Remus
Elle Fitzgerald
Tina Turner
Diana Ross
Pearl Bailey
Cicely Tyson
a bee
Murphy, Eddie
-------------
Buh-Weet
Gumby
Mr. Robinson
James Brown
Stevie Wonder
Bill Cosby
Velvet Jones
Desmond Tutu
Dion Dion
Solomon
Raheem Abdul Muhammed
Little Richard Simmons
Tyrone Green
Mr. T
announcer for "Happy's Mayonnaise" restaurant
Alfred J. Shabazz (host of Black History Minute)
Mr. White
John David Stutts
Jesse Jackson?
Mohammed Ali
Jerry Lewis
Michael Jackson
Herschel Walker
Sammy Davis Jr.
Murray, Bill
------------
Weekend Update anchor
Nick (the lounge singer)
counterboy at Olympia Cafe
Todd LaBounta/DiLaMuca
David Susskind
host of "Quien Es Mas Macho?"
Walter Cronkite
Ex-Police
Earl of Sandwich
Father Alducci
Hercules
Charlie (of Pre-Chew Charlie's restaurant)
Jerry Aldini
Cary Grant
Myers, Mike
-----------
Wayne Campbell
Dieter
Lothar
Simon
Paul Baldwin
Linda Richman
Middle-Aged Man
Steve Lawrence
David Koresh
Superfan Pat Arnold
Tom Vu
Judy Garland
Lank Thompson (The Handsome Guy)
Mick Jagger
Charlie Sheen
George Stephanopoulos
John Ratzenberger/Clifford Claven
Stewart (owner of "All Things Scottish")
Carl Sagan
Joey Lawrence
Kenneth Reese Evans aka Cucumber Jones (host of "Theatre Stories")
Jean Chretien (PM of Canada)
Barbra Streisand
John Bobbitt
Phillip (the hyperactive kid)
Garth Brooks
Jonathan Pryce
Mark Linn-Baker
Ron Wood
Judge Lance Ito
Nealon, Kevin
-------------
Weekend Update anchor
Sam Donaldson
Mr. Subliminal
Tarzan
Franz
Rob Schneider
Mort Kondracke or Fred Barnes
Joseph Biden
Pierre Du Pont IV
Al Gore
Doug Llewelyn
Kirstie Alley's husband
Larry King
Superman
Greg Brady
Kevin Kline
Poseidon
Jay Leno
Ted Danson/Sam Malone
Mr. No Depth Perception
Charlie (abartender at Johnny Spimozo's)
a Sammie
Kenny Rogers
James Taylor
Frank Gannon, P.I.P.I.
Rudolf Giuliani
Brent Musberger?
Ted Wass/Nick Russo (of Blossom)
Michael Bolton
Don Regan
Gene Siskel
Michael Deaver
Lloyd Bentsen
Joseph Hazelwood
Richard Chamberlin
Sam Nunn
LeRoy Neiman
Elvis Presley
Bill Walsh
Newman, Laraine
---------------
Conjaab Conehead
Lady Pinth-Garnell
woman who drinks Bass-O-Matic products
waitress at Olympia Cafe
Beethoven's chambermaid
Christie Christina
Rosalynn Carter
Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme
Sunshine (drug user)
Maxine Universe
Carole King
woman at Nick's lounge acts
a Rhondette
a bee
Katherine Hepburn
Shirley Temple
Patty Hearst
Novello, Don
------------
Father Guido Sarducci
O'Donoghue, Michael
-------------------
Mr. Mike
Elvis Presley
Tony Orlando
Mike Douglas
Piscopo, Joe
------------
Frank Sinatra
Doug Whiner
David Letterman
Paulie Herman/The Jersey Guy
Blair
Pudge
Tom Snyder
Ed McMahon
Alfred E. Neuman
Jimmy Carter
Jim Fowler
Dan Rather
Ted Koppel
Ronald Reagan
Phil Donahue
Abraham Lincoln
Sports Guy (SNL Newsbreak correspondent)
Mr. Wonderful
Joan Rivers
Andy Rooney
Jerry Lewis
Allan Funt
Paul Harvey
Rex Reed
Curly Howard
John McEnroe
John Kenneth Galbraith
Pope John Paul II
Pat Cooper
Doug Llewelyn
Winston Churchill
Peter Marshall
David Hartman
Leonard Nimoy
Lee Iacocca
Jesse Jackson
James Watt
Pokey
Steve Lawrence
John Kennedy
Karl Malden
Richard Nixon
Dean Martin
Barbra Streisand
Tom Carvel
Lorne Greene
Quaid, Randy
------------
Ronald Reagan
Vlad the Impaler
Ed McMahon
host of "The Limits of Your Imagination"
Bat Masterson
John F. Kennedy
Joaqin Andujar
Gregory Peck
Bob Guccione
Lyle Alzado
Radner, Gilda
-------------
Emily Litella
Roseanne Roseannadanna
Baba Wawa
Judy Miller
Lisa Loopner
Rhonda Weiss
Mrs. Mel (of Mel's Char Palace)
Beethoven's chambermaid
Lady Douchebag
Lillian Carter
Candy Slice
Lucille Ball?
a bee
Nadia Comenici
Christina Crawford
Bobbie Paisner
Risley, Ann
-----------
Rosalynn Carter
Rock, Chris
-----------
Nat X
guy from "I'm Chilling"
young man from "Tales from the Barbeque"
Luther Campbell
Long Dong Silver
Nipsy Russell
Michael Jackson
Willie Nelson
Mary Jo Buttafuoco
Willie Horton
Buster Jenkins (Weekend Update correspondent)
Eddie Murphy
Rocket, Charles
---------------
Weekend Update anchor
Marlin Perkins
Ronald Reagan
David Rockefeller
Rosato, Tony
------------
Chef Marcello
Sylvester Stallone
Ed Meese
Rip Taylor
Yassir Arafat
Lou Costello
Richard Nixon
Captain Kangaroo
Abraham Lincoln
Sandler, Adam
-------------
Opera Man
Cajun Man
Sleepyhead
affectionate restaurant worker/hotel worker
over-analytical audience member
Allen (Canteen Boy)
Iraqi Pete
Lucy (from The Gap)
Bill Cosby
Axl Rose
Peter Brady
worker at Hub's Gyros
Rhea Perlman/Carla Tortelli
Eddie Vedder (of Pearl Jam)
Brian (Denise's boyfriend)
Tim Herlihy
Richard Lewis
Bono
Pauly Shore
Pedro
David Brenner
Bruce Springsteen
Total Bastard Airlines passenger
Schneider, Rob
--------------
Richard Laimer (The Rich-man!)
The Sensitive Naked Guy
Mr. Casual Sex
affectionate restaurant worker/hotel worker
Elvis Presley
Billy Crystal
Orgasm Man
l'Homme d'Orgasme
Tammy Ledbetter
Emilio Estevez
Paul Simon
Bobby Brady
worker at Hub's Gyros
Fred Schneider (of the B-52's)
"Out of Africa Primitive Art" clerk (you put your weed in it)
Edward G. Robinson
k.d. lang
host of "Rob Schneider's Girlfriend Theatre"
Data/Brent Spiner
Tammy (worker at Donut Hut)
Jeff Gillooly
Shaffer, Paul
-------------
Don Kirshner
Shearer, Harry
--------------
Frank Reynolds
Jack Perkins
Earl Blackwell
Tom Snyder?
Mike Wallace
Derek Smalls
Ronald Reagan
Gerald (the synchronized swimmer)
Robin Leach
Tom Brokaw
Vin Scully
Shore, Howard
-------------
himself
Short, Martin
-------------
Ed Grimley
Doug Henning
Katharine Hepburn
Nathan Thurm (the nervous lawyer)
Jackie Rogers Jr.
Mick Jagger
Irving Cohn
Martina Navratilova
Lawrence Orbach (the synchronized swimmer)
Lawrence Orbach (the idiot cop, the idiot soldier)
Martin
Robin Williams
Snap (of Rice Krispies)
Lawrence Grossman
Paul Simon
Silverman, Sarah
----------------
Weekend Update correspondent
Natalie Merchant
Cher
Smigel, Rob
-----------
Superfan Carl Walarski
worker at Hub's Gyros
Smith, GE
---------
himself?
guitarist for the Church Lady's band
Spade, David
------------
Hollywood Minute reporter
annoying receptionist for Dick Clark
H. Ross Perot double
Michael J. Fox
Christy (from The Gap)
Casey Casum?
Tom Petty
Matthew Broderick
Woody Harrelson/Woodrow Tiberius Boyd
Crispin Glover
David Pirner (of Soul Asylum)
Don LaPre
Joan Rivers
Kurt Cobain
Scott Hamilton
Total Bastard Airlines flight attendant
Kato Kaelin
Stephenson, Pamela
------------------
Billy Idol
Madonna
Prince
Joan Collins
Georgette (from Mary Tyler Moore show)
Dame Peggy Ashcroft
Cyndi Lauper
Debbie Henning
Stiller, Ben
------------
Eddie Munster
Wince (Tom Cruise/Color of Money spoof)
Sweeney, Julia
--------------
Pat Riley
Chelsea Clinton
Ethel Merman
Jane Pauley
Loni Anderson
Mrs. Patridge
Naina Yeltsin
Peg Bundy
Nancy Sinatra
Katharine Hepburn
Deanna Troi/Marina Sirtis
Leslie Abramson
Naomi Judd
Sweeney, Terry
--------------
Nancy Reagan
Diana Ross
Linda Evans
Joan Rivers
Teddy Kennedy
Joan Collins
Teri Shields
Vance, Danitra
--------------
Cicely Tyson
"That Black Girl"
Cabrini Green Harlem Watts Jackson
Lola Falana
Vitale, Dan
-----------
Wayans, Damon
-------------
angry comic
Louis Farrakhan
Little Richard
one of the Jones Brothers
Zweibel, Alan
-------------
patient in "Spud Beer" commercial
Recurring Hosts:
================
Alley, Kirstie
--------------
overly sensual wife
Baldwin, Alec
-------------
Marlon Brando's character in the biker movie
the guy that kisses everybody (Greenhilly sketch?)
David Hasselhoff
Bono
Hanks, Tom
----------
Mr. Short Term Memory
host of Sabra Shopping Network
Peter Jennings
"I'm a jerk/out of my league guy"
Aerosmith's roadie
Henry, Buck
-----------
The Samurai's straight man
Uncle Roy
Ron Nessen
John Dean
Lord Douchebag
Idle, Eric
----------
David Frost
Prince Charles
Mantegna, Joe
-------------
Superfan Bill Swerski (only once, but he's a Superfan!)
Martin, Steve
-------------
Theodoric of York
Jorge Festrunk (a wild and crazy guy)
Pope John Paul
Palin, Michael
--------------
Miles Cowperthwaite (The Raging Queen cabin boy)
Walken, Christopher
-------------------
The Continental
Wendt, George
-------------
Superfan Bob Swerski
Thanks to:
The cast and crew of "Saturday Night"
Doug Hill and Jeff Weingrad (co-authors of 'Saturday Night: A backstage
history of Saturday Night Live')
Fred Chan
Frank Serpas III <ser...@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu>
brent williams <bre...@netcom.com>
Richard Muise <richar...@acadiau.ca>
Steamed Rhubarb Fondue <jap...@miavx1.acs.muohio.edu>
Jeffrey Neau <je...@cray.com>
Jeff Wilson <jwi...@ncratl.atlantaga.ncr.com>
Nick Nobile <nic...@cs.concordia.ca>
Bryan Kaufman <bry...@netcom.com>
Ted Manikas <twm...@cislabs.pitt.edu>
Sean Murphy <sean_...@quixote.wpd.sgi.com>
Bj Murphy <bee...@cats.ucsc.edu>
Tjames Madison <tja...@netcom.com>
Jared D. Brame
Glenn Barton <gl...@cast.uark.edu>
Rick Herrick <rher...@borland.com>
Greg Murphy <gr...@koko.csustan.edu>
Robin Glover <robin....@canrem.com>
Scott Chupack <chu...@engin.umich.edu>
Susan Waters <swa...@cgl.ucsf.edu>
STU <dst...@desire.wright.edu>
Rick Kolenda <ri...@misfit.east.sun.com>
Jim Hulsey <hul...@dbsun.vitek.com>
Andy Wright <adwr...@mit.edu>
Jay Shorten <jsho...@uwovax.uwo.ca>
David Ward <wa...@cae.wisc.edu>
Scott Rixon <sri...@sol.uvic.ca>
Daniel F. Boyd <bo...@cs.buffalo.edu>
Jim Holton <Jim_H...@cellbio.duke.edu>
Wes Wildcat <wil...@niwot.scd.ucar.EDU>
levy michael ( bs cmsc) <mle...@gl.umbc.edu>
Chris Brame
Mark L. Docterman <cis...@gsusgi2.gsu.edu>
Paul D. Herzog <pdhe...@hooter.aud.alcatel.com>
SCOTT E. O'LEARY <o5...@unbsj.ca>
PT <ldmc...@ahs.watstar.uwaterloo.ca>
Bill Poitras <bi...@msi.com>
Lani Teshima-Miller <tes...@uhunix.uhcc.Hawaii.edu>
Don Porter <d...@saturn.wustl.edu>
Greg Sandell <san...@epunix.sussex.ac.uk>
Ginny Farmer <gs...@cornell.edu>
Leger Brent M <bml...@usl.edu>
Doug Donaldson <do...@freefall.junction.net>
Eugene Bryton <bry...@rand.org>
If this document is out of date, the latest version can be
obtained from one of these sources:
ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/characters
ftp://ftp.uu.net/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/characters.Z
http://www.cis.ohio-state.edu/hypertext/faq/usenet/tv/sat-night-live/characters/faq.html
Please send any corrections or new information to di...@best.com.
--
Doug Krause
Last-modified: 1994/04/08
Posting-Frequency: Monthly
Saturday Night Live FAQ: Wayne's World Guide
=============================================
Note: I (di...@best.com) did not write this. I have only
added it to my SNL Archives. If you know how to contact the
original author (wu...@cvedc.Prime.COM), please let me know.
The Peristaltic Waynes World Compendium
By wu...@cvedc.Prime.COM
I am actually not sure of the definite date of the first Waynes World,
but sources in Aurora, Illinois place it around October of 1988.
Previous sightings of the Wayne character are reported to have been
seen at the Toronto Second City Club (Classic Quote: "She puked on your
stereo? She loves you, man"), and later on CBC television show It's
only Rock and Roll. The latter being a clip called Waynes Power Minute
in which he covered such pertinent subjects as an ambulance service
for rock concert injuries (like burning your thumb with the lighter),
and Wayne receiving an air guitar for Christmas. He finally hit the
big time on SNL. I'll just briefly summarize each episode and leave
it open for questions if anyone wants to know more about a particular
episode.
Feb 18, 1989??
Episode One: Kind of an introduction episode where we meet Garth's
Dad, the Beav, owner of the Wishing Well convenience store. They
do Waynes Top Ten things that Beav says. The number one thing is
"Hi, I'm Beav and I'm a Big Fag." Beav storms out and bans Wayne
from the store. Next guest, Nancy, an excellent babe. Last segment,
they take a phone call, in which the guy on the other end says that
his girlfriend blew chunks on him while necking.
Mar 25, 1989
Episode Two: Wayne makes it up to the Beav by letting Beav do a
plug for the Wishing Well convenience store on WW, during which
Wayne holds up a big sign saying Big Fag with an arrow pointing
to Beav. Next guest: Miss Simpson (Mary Tyler Moore), the math
teacher, who asked to be on the show.
May 13, 1989
Episode Three: First segment, Movie World. Then it's an interview
with the Great One, Wayne Gretzky. Wayne has a dream sequence where
he beats Gretzky one on one in hockey and gets Janet Jones, Gretzky's
wife.
Sep 30, 1989
Episode Four: The coolest guy in the senior class, Rick (Bruce Willis),
unveils the new cool word for the school year, sphincter. They make a
crank call upstairs, where Wayne's parentals are having a party, asking
for Wayne to speak to a Mr. Sphincter. After Rick leaves Nancy comes
running down "like a nympho." Wayne fishes in Nancy telling her that Rick
has the hots for her.
Dec 2, 1989
Episode Five: Guest, Police Chief Wilson. Wayne and Garth serve penance
for hurling snowballs at traffic, by helping Police Chief Wilson (John
Goodman) re-enact a crime on Aurora's Most Wanted. The crime is trivial so
Wayne and Garth embellish it a little.
Jan 13, 1990
Episode Six: Guest, Mr. Hemple (Ed O'Neill), the Drivers Ed instructor.
Wayne and Garth serve penance for bringing drinks into the drivers ed
room, when there's a humongoid sign telling you not to. They do a
Public Service Announcement illustrating the evils of drinking and
driving.
Feb 17, 1990
Episode Seven: Guests, Garths Cousin Barry and Aerosmith. Garth gets his
cousin Barry (Tom Hanks), a roady for Aerosmith, to get the band on the
show to help publicize their upcoming show. In return they have to put
Barry on the air. Aerosmith appears and Wayne and Garth play the Wayne's
World Theme Song with them (**).
Mar 24, 1990
Episode Eight: Guest, Lisa. Wayne and Garth give their own academy awards
in which Batman wins every catagory except Best Foreign Film. Lisa (Debra
Winger) comes on and Wayne holds Chick Court to clear her name after Nancy
has spread rumors about her.
May 19, 1990
Episode Nine: Guest, Garth's Mom, Mrs. Algar. Wayne has a "Summer
of 42," fantasy, in which he makes it with Garth's Mom (Candice Bergen),
which is interrupted by Garth, who shoots Wayne.
Dec 1, 1990
Episode Ten: Wayne's World After Hours. Wayne and Garth have to
move to Garth's house to show the new Madonna video and then they
are busted by Police Chief Wilson for showing pornography.
Jan 19, 1991
Episode Eleven: Excellent Report. Wayne and Garth critique the Gulf
War and network coverage thereof after watching 72 straight hours
of news surviving on nothing but Pizza Hut Pizza and Jolt Cola.
******
Added by ed.:
May 11, 1991
Episode Twelve: Fantasy episode with Madonna.
Nov 20, 1993
Episode Thirteen: Anybody?
possible missing episodes:
Sep 29, 1992 (Kyle MacLachlan)
*****
** Waynes World Theme Song
Waynes World, Waynes World
It's Party Time, It's Excellent
Waynes World, Waynes World
It's Party Time, It's Excellent
Chicks Go mental when they walk down the street
Cause it's Wayne and Garth they want to meet.
We're down in the basement playing with our toys,
and if you do not like it you're a sphincter boy.
Waynes World, Waynes World
It's Party Time, It's Excellent
Waynes World, Waynes World
It's Party Time, It's Excellent
If this document is out of date, the latest version can be
obtained from one of these sources:
ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/waynes-world
ftp://ftp.uu.net/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/waynes-world.Z
http://www.cis.ohio-state.edu/hypertext/faq/usenet/tv/sat-night-live/waynes-world/faq.html
Doug Krause
Last-modified: 1994/10/09
Posting-Frequency: Monthly
Saturday Night Live FAQ: Band Information
==========================================
This is a compilation of information about the bands that
have played on Saturday Night Live. It was put together
for me by Dave Mackey <davem...@BIX.com>.
THE SNL BAND (Expanded/Updated October 9, 1994)
The Saturday Night Live Band has been a fixture since the show's
inception in 1975. Their function on the show is to play the opening
and closing themes, commercial leadins and leadouts, incidental
music for sketches, and sometimes accompanying musical guests. Sometimes
members of the band have appeared in sketches; one became a full-fledged
featured player.
I don't have the names for some of the earlier players, but for most
of the later bunch (post-1985) this list is practically complete.
Those without dates are primarily fill-ins.
Musical Directors:
Howard Shore (1975-1980 and 1985-1986)
Kenny Vance (1980-1981)
Tom Malone (1981-1985)
Cheryl Hardwick (1986-present)
G.E. Smith (1986-present)
Conductors:
Howard Johnson (1975-1980)
Kenny Vance (1980-1981)
Leroy Leon Pendarvis (1981-1990)
G.E. Smith (1990-present)
Arranger:
Lew Del Gatto (1986-present)
(Other band members have contributed charts over the years, but
Del Gatto is the only one who's ever been given credit)
Keyboards:
Cheryl Hardwick (1975-1980, 1985-present)
Paul Shaffer (1975-1980; periodically thereafter; also in cast as
featured player 1979-1980, though he did appear in sketches before that
official designation was made)
Leroy Leon Pendarvis (1980-present)
Ray Chew (1980-1984)
Marc Shaiman (for Sweeney Sisters sketches)
Dave Christiansen
Guitar:
Georg Wadenius (1975-1985)
G.E. Smith (1985-present)
Hiram Bullock
David Spinozza
Bass:
Marcus Miller (1975-1980)
Neil Jason (1980-1983)
Tom Barney (1983-1985)
Tom "T-Bone" Wolk (1985-1991, plus one fill-in in 1993-1994 season)
Paul Ossola (1991-present)
Tony Garnier
Francisco Santana
Mark Egan
Mark O'Connor
Drums:
Buddy Williams (1975?-1985)
Steve Ferrone (1985-1986)
Chris Parker (1986-1991)
Matt Chamberlain (1991-1992)
Shawn Pelton (1992-present)
Trumpet:
Alan Rubin (1975-1984)
Tom Malone (1984-1985)
Earl Gardner (1985-present)
Britt Woodman
Jon Faddis
Kamau Adilifu
Trombone:
Tom Malone (1975-1985)
Steve Turre (1985-present, also plays conch shells)
Robin Eubanks
Barry Rogers (deceased)
Keith O'Quinn
Saxophones: (* = opening theme sax solo)
Howard Shore (1975-1980)
* Lou Marini (1975-1984)
Howard Johnson (1975-1980)
Lew Del Gatto (1977-1979, 1985-present)
George Young (1979-1980, 1990-present)
Lawrence Feldman (1980-1984)
Ronald Cuber (1980-1984)
* Michael Brecker (1984-1985)
* Lenny Pickett (1985-present)
Alex Foster (1985-1990)
Percussion:
Errol "Crusher" Bennett (periodic)
Tuba:
Howard Johnson (1975-1980)
Tony Price (periodic 1986-present)
Vocalist:
Buster Poindexter (nee David Johansen) (1986-1987)
Names, but not instruments, known at this time:
Bob Cranshaw
Bert Jones
Chris Palmaro
David Saw
Mauricio Smith
Partial List of Guest Artists who have appeared with the band:
Charlie Musselwhite (harmonica)
Carole King (keyboards)
Dusty Springfield (vocals)
David Clayton Thomas (vocals)
Notes:
Of the current SNL band, Lenny Pickett and Lew Del Gatto have never
missed a show since 1985. Leon Pendarvis has been in the band for
the longest continuous stint, 15 seasons so far. Both he and Cheryl
Hardwick have spent fifteen seasons in the band, though Cheryl took
five years off to do other things. (The April 1994 issue of "Keyboard"
has an excellent article about Cheryl and Leon; they discuss their gear
and the problems of putting together music for a live TV show in less
than half a week.)
The band has released two albums: "Live From New York: The
Saturday Night Live Band" on ProJazz records (CDJ621), featuring
the Tom Malone-led group of the early 80's, and "G.E. Smith And The
Saturday Night Live Band: Get A Little" on Liberty Records
featuring the entire current lineup except Shawn Pelton, replaced
by Chris Parker, who returned to the band for the album. The Malone
album better represents the band's work for the show than the Smith
album, since the earlier one is entirely composed of material recorded
for the show, while Smith's album is part show cues and part original
material never heard on the show, all newly recorded.
The cuts on the Malone album:
Black-Eyed G's
Jupiter
Gotta Keep My Eye On You
Carribean Festival (a leftover chart from the Howard Shore era,
arranged by Howard Johnson)
I Don't Want To Lose You
Boiler Room Inspection (popular commercial bumper 1980-1984)
Get Lucky
Lost In A Wonderland
G Jam
Saturday Night Live Theme
The cuts on the Smith album, many of which are vocals:
Get A Little
Sloozy
Monkey Hips And Rice
Gin Blossoms
Might As Well Get Drunk
Helldrive
Willy D's Blues
Fattening Frogs For Snakes
Fat Girl/The Last Month Of The Year
Forgotten Songs
Independent projects of SNL Band members have included:
Steve Turre: "Sanctified Shells", "Right There", "Dedication" (with
Robin Eubanks), many sides with Art Blakey Jazz Messengers
George Young: "Chant", "Spring Fever" and many more albums; Young is
a sax superstar in Japan, also with Manhattan Jazz Quartet
David Spinozza: "Spinozza"
Marcus Miller: several albums
Lenny Pickett: many albums with his old group, Tower Of Power
T-Bone Wolk: record producer for Hall And Oates among others
Paul Shaffer: party album with his "Late Night With David Letterman"
band, co-writer of hit record "It's Raining Men" by Weather Girls;
cable TV special "Viva Shaf Vegas"
Cheryl Hardwick: wrote songs for short-lived Broadway show "Cut The
Ribbons" and various tunes for "Sesame Street"; musical director for
Lorne's short-lived primetime series "The New Show"
Howard Shore: film scores
THE BLUES BROTHERS BAND
The following musicians were part of the band that backed John
Belushi and Dan Aykroyd for the Blues Brothers act. Some
of these musicians were veterans of Stax Records, a major
influence on Belushi and Ayrkoyd in creating the group.
Guitars: Matt "Guitar" Murphy, Steve Cropper
Bass: Donald "Duck" Dunn
Drums: Steve Jordan (who was also the original drummer on
"Late Night with David Letterman")
Keyboards: Paul Shaffer (replaced for the "Blues Brothers" movie
and soundtrack album by Murphy Dunne)
Trumpet: Alan Rubin
Trombone: Tom Malone
Saxophones: Lou Marini, Tom Scott
Vocalist/Blues Harp: Elwood Blues
Vocalist: Jake Blues
STUFF
Contrary to some references, the 70's music group Stuff, made up of
New York session men, never functioned as the Saturday Night Live
Band.
Forward questions or comments on this segment of the SNL FAQ
to davem...@bix.com. Thank you!
davem...@bix.com / Dave Mackey
"It's been about having a funky rhythm section and some great horn players"
--Cheryl Hardwick on the SNL Band
If this document is out of date, the latest version can be
obtained from one of these sources:
ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/band-info
ftp://ftp.uu.net/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/band-info.Z
http://www.cis.ohio-state.edu/hypertext/faq/usenet/tv/sat-night-live/band-info/faq.html
Doug Krause
Last-modified: 1994/04/08
Posting-Frequency: Monthly
Saturday Night Live FAQ: Commercial Parodies
=============================================
This is a transcription of various Saturday Night Live parody
commercials.
Included:
1) Happy Fun Ball
-- HAPPY FUN BALL --
(kids)
It's Happy!
It's Fun!
It's Happy Fun Ball!
(announcer)
Yes, it's Happy Fun Ball,
the toy sensation
that's sweeping the nation.
Only 14.95 at participating stores!
Get one Today
(background voice)
Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children should avoid
prolonged exposure to Happy Fun Ball.
Caution: Happy Fun Ball may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
Happy Fun Ball contains a liquid core, which if exposed due to rupture
should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.
Do not use Happy Fun Ball on concrete.
Discontinue use of Happy Fun Ball if any of the following occurs:
* Itching
* Vertigo
* Dizziness
* Tingling in extremities
* Loss of balance or coordination
* Slurred speech
* Temporary blindness
* Profuse Sweating
or
* Heart palpitations
If Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter
and cover head.
Happy Fun Ball may stick to certain types of skin.
When not in use, Happy Fun Ball should be returned to its special container
and kept under refrigeration.
Failure to do so relieves the makers of Happy Fun Ball, Wacky Products
Incorporated, and it's parent company, Global Chemical Unlimited, of
any and all liability.
Ingredients of Happy Fun Ball include an unknown glowing substance which
fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.
Happy Fun Ball has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is
also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
Happy Fun Ball comes with a lifetime guarantee.
(announcer)
Happy Fun Ball! Accept no substitutes!
If this document is out of date, the latest version can be
obtained from one of these sources:
ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/commercials
ftp://ftp.uu.net/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/commercials.Z
http://www.cis.ohio-state.edu/hypertext/faq/usenet/tv/sat-night-live/commercials/faq.html
Please send any corrections or new information to di...@best.com.
--
Doug Krause
Last-modified: 1995/03/21
Posting-Frequency: Monthly
Saturday Night Live FAQ: Song Lyrics
=====================================
This is a transcription of various Saturday Night Live songs.
Song lyrics included:
Gonna Get Me a Shotgun
Images
Celebrity Hot Tub Party
The Speciality Songs of Cal McClain Jr.
Turkey Song
Not Going to Phone it in Tonight
Girl
The Boulevard of Broken Balls
Red Hooded Sweatshirt
Mother's Day Song
Play On, Michael
Santa Song
Lunch Lady Land
The Hannukah Song
Recurring Characters Song
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Gonna Get Me a Shotgun
Gonna Get Me a Shotgun
Performed by Garrett Morris on 24 Jan 1976
I'm gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whities I see,
I'm gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whities I see.
When I kill all the whities I see, then whitey he won't bother me,
I'm gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whities I see.
Then I'll get a white woman who's wearing a navy blue sweater.
------------------------------
Subject: Images
Images by Tyrone Greene
Performed by Eddie Murphy
Dark and lonely on a summer's night
Kill my landlord
Kill my landlord
Watchdog barking
Do he bite?
Kill my landlord
Kill my landlord
Slip in his window
Break his neck
Then his house
I start to wreck
Got no reason
What the heck
Kill my Landlord
Kill my landlord
C-I-L-L
my l a n d l o r d
------------------------------
Subject: Celebrity Hot Tub Party
Celebrity Hot Tub Party
Performed by Eddie Murphy
"It's James Brown's Celebrity Hot Tub Party!
And now, here he is! The godfather of soul, and hot tub man number one,
James Brown!"
Sometimes it make me break out in a cold sweat!
One two three four!
Hot tub! Ha! Da!
Ah-full of water!
I say hot tub! Ha!
Day! Ba! Very, very hot... Very hot! Da!
Hot tub! Gonna get ya hot-a!
Gonna make ya sweat! Hey! Say!
Hot tub! Rub a dub in the hot tub!
Rub a dub with me!
Should I get in the hot tub?
(Yeah!)
Will it make me sweat?
(Yeah!)
Should I get in the hot tub?
(Yeah!)
Will it make me wet?
(Yeah!)
Well, well, well...
Hot tub! Ah!
Get in!
Gonna get in the water!
Gonna make me sweat! Ah!
Here I go in the hot tub!
HHHHIIIGGGHH!!
Too hot in the hot tub! Ma!
Burn myself!
Make it cooler!
Good God!
Gonna make me...
I'm gonna get in the hot tub..
I'm gonna get in the hot tub..
I'm gonna get in the hot tub..
Ha! Lilin! Lidilin! Eh!
A gonna make me sweat-ah!
Dah! Gonna make me sweat!
Gonna make me sweat-ah!
Dah! Gonna get me in the hot tub!
I can't stand it!
Here I go! I can't stand it!
Here I go in the hot tub!
Gonna get in the hot tub!
Gonna get it wet-ah!
Good God!
HHHIIIIGGHHH!! Ha!
Good God!
Rub a dub!
In the hot tub!
Rub a dub with me!
Good God!
Rub a dub in the hot tub!
Gonna set me free!
Don't go away! We'll be right back with more Celebrity Hot Tub!
"Coming up next: Dr. Joyce Brothers joins James Brown on Celebrity Hot Tub!"
(transcribed by Jeffrey Neau <je...@ironwood.cray.com>)
------------------------------
Subject: The Speciality Songs of Cal McClain Jr.
The Speciality Songs of Cal McClain Jr.
Performed by Dennis Quaid on 15 Dec 1990
Well, the USA won't take it, That dirt bags' got no class.
You can tell Saddam Housein for me, he can kiss my ass!
Narr: Finally in one album, all the speciality songs of
America's proudest country singer, Cal McClain Jr.
Well, the USA ain't backing down, We don't take orders from no nut.
Hey there, General Noriega... You can cram it up your butt!
Well, the USA has arrived to make you tow the line
And all you Granada people...
you can stick it where the sun don't shine!
Narr: Cal McClain Jr., sings whats on everyones mind,
In language that won't leave anyone guessing.
Well, the USA's in Southeast Asia, them hippies are getting whinny.
Well you can tell the guy from North Vietnam...
to shim it up his hinnie, yes you can!
Narr: The number 1 country singer, from the number one country - USA.
And if you order right away, you get an additional album
at no extra cost: 'Cal McClain Jr.: Songs for my ex-wives':
Dear Morene, I'm sorry my darling, and though you don't seem to care,
But I've still got my pride, and one thing to say...
You can stick it up your derriere!
Narr: Order now to recieve both albums. Send .95 to:
"Messages: the speciality songs of Cal McClain Jr."
Lynchburg, Tennesse.
Yeah, I hope you like these albums, but if you don't
you know what you can do, yeah!
(transcribed by Michelle Wetherholt)
------------------------------
Subject: Turkey Song
Turkey Song
Performed by Adam Sandler on 23 Nov 1991
[spoken] "Yes, I am, Kevin. I've worked all week on my song, and I hope
you'll be entertained and a little moved."
[singing]
Love to eat turkey
Love to eat turkey
Love to eat turkey cause it's good
Love to eat turkey like a good boy should
Cause it's turkey to eat,
So good
A turkey for me, turkey for you,
Let's eat turkey in a big brown shoe.
Love to eat turkey at the table,
I once saw a movie with Betty Grable.
Eat that turkey all night long,
50 million Elvis fans can't be wrong.
Turkey turkey dee, turkey turkey dap,
I eat the turkey and I take a nap
[melody changes]
Thanksgiving is a special night
Jimmie Walker used to say "Dynomite"
That's right!
[melody changes back]
Turkey with the gravy and the cranberry
Can't believe the Mets traded Darryl Strawberry
Turkey for you, turkey for me,
Can't believe Tyson gave the girl V.D.
Gobble gobble dee, gobble gobble dawkie,
I used to go to camp at Lake Winnepesaukee
[spoken] Adam: "Come on, Kevin."
Kevin: "No, that's okay."
Adam: "Oh, it'll be funnn."
Kevin: "Okay."
[Kevin and Adam singing in (somewhat) unison]
Turkey turkey dee, turkey turkey duffin,
Love to eat turkey with a lot of stuffin'
Turkey for me, turkey for you,
Let's eat turkey in a big brown shoe.
Turkey and sweet potato pie,
Sammy Davis Jr. only had one eye
Turkey with the girls, turkey with the boys,
My favorite kind of pants are corduoroys
Gobble gobble gee, gobble gobble gickle
I wish turkeys only cost a nickel.
[song slows]
Oh, I love turkey .. on Thanksgivingggggg
[spoken]
Adam: "Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!"
(transcribed by Anthony Bonillo <boni...@ucs.orst.edu>)
(corrections by Christian L Claiborn <clai...@express.ctron.com>)
------------------------------
Subject: Not Going to Phone it in Tonight
Performed by (in order of appearance):
Steve Martin, Victoria Jackson, Mike Myers, Julia Sweeney, Tim Meadows,
Chris Farley, Phil Hartman, Kevin Nealon, Joe, Lorne Michaels on 14 Dec 1991
SM: Somethings out there. (whistle) Somethings in the air. (whistle)
Don't know how, don't know why, got a feeling
tonights the night, I'm actually gonna try.
Not going to phone it in tonight,
not going to go through the motions tonight.
This time I'm really gonna do the best I can.
Mr. Cue Card Man put those cards down over there,
but for some reason tonight I care!
VJ: You care? SM: That's right!
That's why I'm not gonna phone it in tonight,
not going to read my screenplay during the songs tonight.
I can walk through my part and still be hilarious,
I've done it so often before.
But look at these faces, look at this fat guy,
he wants more, he wants more!
Fat Guy: Hey, I'm not that fat! SM: Please !?!
So many times I've faked it, just because I could - I'm that good!
VJ: He's that good.
SM: But 20% won't do tonight.
MM: Mr. Martin, I'll do it for you tonight.
JS: Gonna do something different tonight,
something says, not to just do Pat tonight.
TM: I don't have any lines, I'm not in the show,
but something tells me that if I were I'd be rearing to go.
CF: Not gonna get liquored up tonight, Not gonna have a drink tonight,
I'm not gonna drink, till Update is through,
that's a promise to you the viewer.
Yeah, after the show, I'll drink till I spew
but for now, I'm committed for you.
PH: I hide behind these wigs and this makeup,
but tonight I'm gonna let my self shine through,
Yes, Their going to see the real Phil Hartman tonight!
SM: I wouldn't do that Phil. PH: OK.
SM: Follow me everyone, let's go make an effort!
All: Not going to have dead air tonight,
Gonna seem as if we care tonight.
KN: But Steve, why do you care, aren't you rich?
SM: I'm worth 17 million, I could buy and sell you and you and you
a thousand times over, but tonight there's a show to do.
Joe: Five minutes till monologue, Mr. Martin.
SM: Thanks, Joe.
Joe: I can't ever get fired, I've got a union job,
but somehow tonight it doesn't matter that I'm in with the mob.
Stagehands: Gonna move our big lard asses tonight
Gonna move our fat Teamster asses tonight!
SM: Make way.
LM: Steve, what's going on?
SM: Oh, we're going to do our best tonight, Lorne.
LM: Why, the shows on automatic pilot,
I don't even come in until Saturday.
SM: Lorne don't you see, that's not the way it was in the 70's.
Back in the 70's, people cared. They... they believed in something.
Now it's the 80's and everythings...
yuppie, yuppie, yuppie,... spend, spend spend.
LM: Steve, it's the 90's.
SM: Whatever. The point is...
(Singing again) I've always wanted to see,
how good I could be, I just want to know...
LM: (in fake opera voice) Then go, Steve, go and do a great show!
SM: Thank you Lorne. I've never felt so alive!
God, I feel young again, I feel... 38! Come on everybody...
All: We're going to learn our lines, do our parts well,
then we'll go back to coasting, but not while Steve's host,
Cause we're not gonna phone it in tonight
Not going to screw up one line tonight.
SM: I made it happen!
ALL: Steve made it happen.
SM: Now it is time. Live from New York... (pause) Line!...
It's Saturday Night!
(transcribed by: Michelle Wetherholt)
(corrections by: Arnold LS <arno...@aol.com>
------------------------------
Subject: Girl
Girl
Performed by Dana Carvey, Jason Preistly, Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider,
and David Spade on 15 Feb 1992
Arsenio (Chris Rock): Now don't leave us hanging with just that.
JP: Yeah, I hear that, Arsenio.
Yo guys, lets kick it!
(Music starts playing)
Yo now, before we start singing,
You also want to know in addition to writing our own songs,
we also do our own choreography.
JP: Girl, I can't stop thinking of you girl,
Y-O-U, spells girl.
Woke up this morning, put on my own clothes,
cause the ladys' not here, to help us no more.
Went down to the store, I got myself some juice,
its tasted good and fresh and I love you.
All: Girl, you are wicked awesome.
DC: I buttoned up my own shirt, whew!
All: Because, you girl...
RS: Whenever I make my own plane reservations...
All: I think of you girl, cause girl you are wicked awesome!
AS: My name is Donny, and I'm here to say
They call me Donny, cause that's my name.
Banana's are good in every way,
An apple a day, keeps the doctor away,
Purina Cat Chow -
All: Chow, chow, chow.
AS: If my friends could only see me now,
I'm walking, I'm talking, McCauly Caukin,
Roger Clemmons was called for walking.
Word, Sister!
All: 1, 2, Dosey dow, dosey dow.
All: You are... wicked awesome!
AS: Peace.
(transcribed by Michelle Wetherholt)
------------------------------
Subject: The Boulevard of Broken Balls
The Boulevard of Broken Balls
Performed by Christopher Walken on 24 Oct 1992
Temptation lingers in the lamplight,
Upon her lips a shadow falls.
She loves to flirt, she loves to tease,
Beneath her skirt, some new disease.
The Boulevard of Broken Balls.
Her lovers lurk in every doorway
With prices written on the walls
So if you're rich and have the cash,
You'll get an itch, you'll get a rash.
The Boulevard of Broken Balls.
You hear the whispers in the darkness
The laughter echoes and enthralls
They're taking bets you'll never know,
Your gigalette's a gigolo,
The Boulevard of Broken Balls
She leaves a token of your romance,
A souvenir that hops and crawls.
You bring the crabs home to your wife,
She stabs you with a butcher knife.
The Boulevard of Broken Balls.
(transcribed by Cristobal Joseevich Junta <gri...@athena.mit.edu>)
(corrections by Bob <bam...@jpmorgan.com>)
(corrections by C. J. Burke <cjb...@io.com>)
------------------------------
Subject: Red Hooded Sweatshirt
Red Hooded Sweatshirt
Performed by Adam Sandler on 13 Feb 1993
My mom bought you when I was just 13,
the brightest red sweatshirt I ever seen.
She got an extra large so I wouldn't grow out,
"That's too big for you!" the other kids would shout.
But we stuck together, we didn't quit,
and now the children say, "What a perfect fit."
I love you sweeeeatshirt
red hooded
sweeeeatshirt
dip dip dip
sweeeeatshirt
shama lama ding dong
sweeeeatshirt.
I like to rest my hands in your kangaroo pouch,
it makes them feel comfy like a big soft couch.
And I don't care if the weather's no good,
I say "See you later rain" as I pull up my hood.
Remember that long bus trip when I needed a nap?,
I used you as a pillow on that Spanish lady's lap.
I love you sweeeeatshirt
red hooded
sweeeeatshirt
dip dip dip
sweeeeatshirt
shama lama ding dong
sweeeeatshirt.
Oh what is it about you that makes me so jolly?,
Is it your fifty cotton or your fifty poly?
I don't knoooooooww
ohh ohh hoo hoo hoo.
Oh red hooded sweatshirt we been through a lot together
like that time I played in that shirts and skins basketball game
and I had to take you off and throw you in the corner of the gym.
I was midway through the game and then I saw you looking at me.
You were staring as if to say "Adam, you suck at basketball,
you dribble like a damn woman." I was so mad I challenged you
to a game of one on one and you know sweatshirt, even though I
beat you 11 to 9, deep in my soul I know you missed those lay-ups
on purpose. You let me win and that why (Kevin, please help
me out)
I love you sweeeeatshirt
red hooded <kevin nealon>
sweeeeatshirt
dip dip dip <kevin nealon>
sweeeeatshirt
shama lama ding dong <kevin nealon>
sweeeeatshirt.
Come on audience members, help me out here.
I love you sweeeeatshirt
red hooded <unknown audience member>
sweeeeatshirt
dip dip dip <paul mccartney>
sweeeeatshirt
shama lama ling dong <linda mccartney>
sweeeeatshirt.
I love you sooooooooooo.
Happy Valentine's Everybody!
(transcribed by Doug Krause <di...@best.com>)
------------------------------
Subject: Mother's Day Song
Mother's Day Song
Performed by Adam Sandler on 08 May 1993
Mama was the one who reached down and tied my shoelace.
Mama spit on her fingers and used it to clean dirt off my face.
Brush your teeth, Q-tip your ear,
take off your sister's new brassiere.
Watch PBS, not Deputy Dawg,
don't you eat that Lincoln Log.
Oh mama I still don't believe
it's true: The tooth fairy was you.
No Way!
I love you maaaaaama,
more than than paaaastrama,
way more than Jeffrey Daaaahma,
even more than my NFL paaaaajamas.
Mama always calmed down dad when he got too mean.
Like the time he almost hit me for stealing his Juggs magazine.
Stop your jumping,
you'll break the bed.
Don't you fill up
on the bread.
Take those
Take those
(trying to read cue card)
Take ... carrots out of your nose,
that's not a hat that's pantyhose.
Don't play baseball in your suit,
that Magnum PI's very cute.
Don't forget Vick's Vapor-rub,
stop masturbating in the tub.
Thanks for making corn beef hash,
and putting powder on my rash.
(So much better.)
I love you maaaaaama,
more than golf with Arnold Paaaaalmaaaa,
more than yellow moons in Lucky Chaaaaamaaaas,
Def Leppard's drummer only had one aaaaaaamaaa.
Oh, Mrs. Nealon, yes it's true,
Kevin's gonna sing to you.
Come on Kevin.
I love you maaaaaama (kevin)
Come on, keep goin'.
More than films by Brian DePaaaaalmaaaa. (kevin)
Thanks for being my date to the praaaaamaaaa.
Thanks for writing that note to the draft
board that said I was gay so I got out
of Vietnaaaamaaa. (kevin)
Mom your way better than the World Trade Center baaaaamaaaa.
Who's name by the way is Mohamed Salaaaamaaa. (kevin)
I love you even more than Richard Gere loves the Dali Laaaaahmaaa.
And Richard Gere was also good in "Sommersby",
which was a melodraaaamaa. (kevin)
Oh, all you moms out there oughta know,
we kids love you so.
Have a Happy Mother's Day.
Thank you very much!
Thank you!
Adam Saaaandlaaa. (kevin)
(transcribed by Doug Krause <di...@best.com>)
------------------------------
Subject: Play On, Michael
Play On, Michael
Performed by (in order of appearance): Kevin Nealon, David Spade,
and Aerosmith on 09 Oct 1993
Oh, I've seen Magic and I've seen Bird,
I saw Kareem retire but I never said a word,
but I always thought I see you play
one more time again.
Runaway, Mike better come back,
got season tickets, can't get my money back.
Don't you know that you're so crowd pleasing,
Won't you stick around for one more season?
Play on, play one more year
play for the fans and play for the cheers.
Play the Sonics, play the Knicks too,
Even the Celtics, we'll still root for you.
I've seen you score 500 points.
Want to see you score 500 more.
Just to be a man, you should take it from a man.
Score 1,000 points on a basketball court.
Micheal Jordan, Micheal Jordan, Micheal Jordon, Micheal Jordan.
Micheal, A, Micheal, O, Micheal Jordan.
Oh, Yippe yo, yippe yay,
Keep Jordon in the muther!!! ?/&^% house.
Micheal Jordan, where you think your going
with your tongue hanging out of your bowl of chili?
Don't you know you're in a higher class,
come back before a pimp slap your ?/&^%.
Ee, Oh, yamma yamma, are you good enough,
Please don't quit yet Micheal, oh yeah.
Oh, Ah, Oh, lamma beda bota,
Your the best dribbler, oh yeah.
Oh, Ah, Oh, lamma beda bota,
Who's Pippen gonna pass to, oh yeah.
Oh, Ye, Er, Yamma dinga dungo,
It's so boring, oh yeah.
Play on, play one more year.
Play against ??? play against Laimbeer.
Take the basketball, throw it through the hoop,
Do a 360 and slam it a-la-oop.
He's out playing is as big as a whale,
Everybodys playing, everybodys saying things
Michael don't forget about your endorsement money.
Everybodys playing, everybodys saying
Won't you sleep on this.
Micheal baby, won't you sleep on it?
Won't you sleep on it, and give us an answer in the morning.
Won't you sleep on this.
Michael baby, won't you sleep on it?
Won't you sleep on it, and give us an answer in the morning.
Play on for one more year.
One thing seems very, very clear.
Play on, play on, PLAY ON, PLAY ON,
Play on Michael, Play on!
(transcribed by Michelle Wetherholt)
(corrections by Jeffrey E. Neau)
------------------------------
Subject: Santa Song
Santa Song
Performed by Adam Sandler on 11 Dec 1993
So many presents,
so little time,
Santa won't be coming around my house this year,
'cos I tried to drown my sister and I pierced my ear,
Oh mama made it perfectly clear,
Santa don't like bad boys...especially Jewish ones.
Gnip-gnop and lego blocks are all that I desire,
so why did I have to set the pizza guy's hair on fire,
I told him I was sorry,
I'm a liar,
so no toys for me...I don't deserve them.
I couldn't wait for a big wheel as the holiday neared,
but then I told my grandma that she had a beard.
Dear Santa,
I know what my problem is, why I can't be good, it's a fear of intimacy.
You see my whole life whenever I've met someone really great like you and
I keep feeling like I'm getting close to them, something inside me makes
me want to screw it up. So in a weird way the reason I'm so bad is because
I love you santa.
Rock-em Sock-em Robots is what I was hoping for,
but then I made a death threat to vice president Gore,
oh santa won't be knocking on my door,
'cos he's a big fat whore...what made me say that?
Chutes and ladders would be so good indeed,
so why'd I have to sell that cop a bag of weed,
so Santa please give me that easy bake oven,
I swear I thought billy goats we're made for lovin'.
So Santa won't you accept my apologies,
Santa can't you see I'm begging you please,
oh Santa next year I'll do you right,
Live from New York it's Saturday night...
(transribed by Neil Mackie <nm...@lamar.ColoState.EDU>)
(corrections by John J Cassidy <cas...@cps.msu.edu>)
------------------------------
Subject: Lunch Lady Land
Lunch Lady Land
Performed by Adam Sandler on 15 Jan 1994
Sandler: This is a song about the high school experience sung
through the eyes of the person who more than anyone
else puts young people on the right path. I'm not
talking about the teachers, I'm not talking about the
coaches, I'm not even talking about the guidence coun-
selors. I'm talking about a person we call.. The Lunch
Lady.
Woke up in the morning, put on my new plastic glove.
Served some reheated salsbury steak with a little slice of
love.
I got no clue what the chicken pot pie is made of..
Just know everything's doing fine down here in...
LUNCHLADY LAND
Well I wear this net on my head..cuz my red hair is fallin'
out. I wear these brown orthapedic shoes cuz I got a bad
case of the gout.
I know you want seconds on the corn dogs,
but there's no reason to shout.
Everybody gets enough food down here in the magical..
LUNCHLADY LAND.
(G. E. Smith & band joins in)
Well yesterday's meatloaf is today's sloppy joes.
And my breath reaks of tuna and there's lots of black hairs
comin' out of my nose.
AH
Hoagies and grinders, hoagies and grinders
navy beans, navy beans, navy beans, navy beans.
hoagies and grinders, hoagies and grinders
navy beans, navy beans..MEATLOAF SANDWICH.
Sloppy joe slop sloppy joe yeah
sloppy joe slop sloppy joe ooh-yeah
(with Chris Farley)
sloppy joe slop sloppy joe yeah
sloppy joe slop sloppy joe -YEAH
Then one morning that I woke up to see aw the pepperoni pizza
was lookin at me.
It screamed why do you burn me and serve me up cold,
I said a I got the spatula- just do what you're told.
And the liver and onions started joining the fight and the
chocolate pudding pushed me with all its might and the chop
suey slapped me and it kicked me in the head -it's called
revenge LunchLady said the garlic bread
I said what did I do to make you all so mad?
You got flabby arms and your breath is bad.
And the green beans said you better run and hide
but then my friend Sloppy Joe came and joined my side.
He said if it wasn't for the Lunch Lady the kids wouldn't eat ya
You should be shakin' her hand and sayin' pleased to meet ya
She gives you a purpose and she gives you a goal
You should be kissin' her feet or kissin' her mole
Now all the angry food just leave me alone,
And we all live together in our happy home a thanks to
Sloppy Joe Slop Sloppy Joe yeah
Sloppy Joe Slop Sloppy Joe ooh yeah
Sloppy Joe Slop Sloppy Joe yeah
(slower)Sloppy Joe Slop Sloppy Joe well..
Me and Sloppy Joe got married.
We got six kids and we're doin' just fine.
Down in Lunch Lady Land
OHH WOAH!
(transcribed by Richard Wludyga <wlu...@alleg.EDU>)
(corrections by Doug Krause <di...@best.com>)
------------------------------
Subject: The Hannukah Song
The Hannukah Song
Performed by Adam Sandler on 03 Dec 1995
Chorus:
Put on your yamukah
Here comes Hannukah
So much funnukah
To celebrate Hannukah
Hannukah is: the festival of lights
Instead of one day of presents
We have eight crazy nights
When you feel like/the only kid in town
Without a Christmas tree
Here's a list of people that are
Jewish like you and me:
David Lee Roth
lights the menorah
So do James Douglas, James Caan
and Dinah Shorah
Guess who eats together at
the Carnegie Deli?
Boscoe from Sha-Na-Na
And Arthur Fonzarelli!
Paul Newman's half Jewish
and Goldie Hawn's half, too
Put them together,
What a fine looking Jew!
You don't need to Deck the Halls
Or Jingle Bell Rock,
'Cause you can spin the dreidel
With Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock!
[Chorus}
O.J. Simpson [not a Jew]
But guess who is? Rod Carew [He converted]
We got Ann Landers and her
sister Dear Abby,
Harrison Ford's a quarter Jewish
Not too shabby
Some people think Ebenezer Scrooge is
Well, he's not, but guess who is --
All three Stooges!
[Chorus]
Merry Christmas and Happy Hannukah!
(transcribed by Michael Bauer <FAS...@prodigy.com>)
------------------------------
Subject: Recurring Characters Song
Recurring Characters Song
date performed unknown
Performers:
Cajun Man - Adam Sandler
Frankenstein - Phil Hartman
Frans - Kevin Nealon
Hollywood Min. - David Spade
Jan Brady - Melanie Hutsell
Name Guy (Rich)- Rob Schneider
Pat Riley - Julia Sweeney
Queen Shanequa - Ellen Cleghorn
Stuart Smalley - Al Franken
Super Fans - Chris Farley & ?
Wayne Campbell - Mike Myers
Queen Shanequa:
We can't be standing back child
We gotta get up our spirits and stand.
Pat:
So persons of all colors and sexes, inside we're all the same.
Super Fans:
We can't keep relying of Coach Ditka, he's just one man my friend.
?:
Let's stay calm, we will not burn, and let the fighting end.
All:
Make tomorrow's future a better day
Let's increase the peace and we'll all be glad
We're making a choice, to heal the wounds.
We're in this together:
Frankenstein: Fire, BAD!
Stuart Smalley: We musn't be rage-a-holics, we must find our inner child.
Frankenstein: Fin our inna chid!
Jan Brady:
I've got three brothers and two sisters
and we never get that wild.
Cajun Man:
Compassion, communication, we must fight descrimination.
Frans: Hear us now and believe us later
Wayne: We're in a most heinous spot
Frans: I could very easily set fire, to your puny licking store
Wayne: So lets settle this with violence - NOT!
All:
Make tomorrow's future a better day
We are our brothers and sisters and we'll all be hap
Let's increase the peace, can't we all get along?
We're making a choice:
Frankenstein: Fire, BAD!
?: We must end this racial split.
Hollywood Minute: It's called love - Look into it.
Rich:
Rodney King, the King-meister, King Rodney
The Organinator
Peace - Peace-A-Rama!
Make tomorrow's future a better day
Can we not be mad.
Like our characters have a reoccuring theme
Lets go hand in hand.
Frankenstein: Fire, BAD!
All: Fire, BAD!
Frankenstein: Fire, BAD!
All: Fire, BAD!
Frankenstein: Fire, BAD!
All: Fire, BAD!
Cajun Man: You descrimination
Jan Brady: Brotherhood, brotherhood, brotherhood.
Super Fans: The Bears!
(transcribed by Michelle Wetherholt)
------------------------------
Subject: HOW TO GET THE SNL SONG LYRICS ARCHIVE
If this document is out of date, the latest version can be
obtained from one of these sources:
ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/song-lyrics
ftp://ftp.uu.net/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/song-lyrics.Z
http://www.cis.ohio-state.edu/hypertext/faq/usenet/tv/sat-night-live/song-lyrics/faq.html
Please send any corrections or new information to di...@best.com.
--