SNL reruns this week (Jun 30 - Jul 6)
Frank Serpas III
along with episode summaries taken from the SNL Episode Guide, which
is available at SATURDAY NET (http://www.io.com/~serpas/snl.html).
To receive this information weekly via e-mail, send the message
subscribe snlreruns
to majo...@lists.io.com (leave the "subject" line blank).
~~~
This Saturday night's episode is a rerun...
*******************************************************************************
00o Julia Stiles / Aerosmith
...............................................................................
cold Martha Stewart (ANG) Living- homey tips class up St. Patrick's Day
mono TRM hopes he & host can reprise interracial kiss from Save The Last Dance
COMM Homocil {rerun}
show Wake Up Wakefield!- Megan (MAR) & Sheldon (RAD) emcee middle school show
skit (host) gives attitudinal postal worker Jackie a taste of her own medicine
song musical guest performs "Jaded"
news Arnold Schwarzenegger (DAH) tells why he should be California's governor
news David Copperfield [real] magically makes words appear on cue cards
skit in the 1920's, movie director Suel Forrester bewilders his cast & crew
skit immigrant janitor Beppi (RAD) trumps woes of office workers (ANG) & (MAR)
FILM "The Doberman!" by Adam McKay- (WIF) receives house call from vicious dog
skit whitebread (host) plies cheerleader moves at Apollo Theater amateur night
comm Willy Sluggs (JEM) pushes magic tricks in lame self-produced infomercial
song musical guest performs "Big Ten Inch Record"
show Der Lacheln Beherrscht- German "smile masters" populate scary kids show
misc for St. Patrick's Day, Van Morrison (JIF) sings & overimbibes Guinness
In some markets, it will be followed by a "classic" episode.
~~~
The Comedy Network (available in Canada) is showing...
90-minute versions of episodes from the '75-'76 season on weekends &
60-minute versions of episodes from the '93-'94 season on weekdays.
~~~
Comedy Central will air 60-minute versions of the following (all times EDT)...
Sa 30-Jun-01
noon 99n Joshua Jackson / 'N Sync
6:00pm 94k David Hyde Pierce / Live
8:00pm 99k Alan Cumming / Jennifer Lopez
9:00pm 99p Christopher Walken / Christina Aguilera
Su 01-Jul-01
11:00am 96o Sting / Veruca Salt
3:00am 89t Candice Bergen / The Notting Hillbillies
Mo 02-Jul-01
noon 97e JOL / Jane's Addiction
1:00pm 97n Garth Brooks
6:00pm 93r Emilio Estevez / Pearl Jam
11:30pm 91b Jeff Daniels / Color Me Badd
2:00am 90b Susan Lucci / Hothouse Flowers
3:00am 90g John Goodman / Faith No More
Tu 03-Jul-01
noon 97o Scott Wolf / Natalie Imbruglia
1:00pm 97q Steve Buscemi / Third Eye Blind
6:00pm 96i Rosie O'Donnell / Whitney Houston
11:30pm 90p Jeremy Irons / Fishbone
2:00am 90j Joe Mantegna / Vanilla Ice
3:00am 90k Sting
We 04-Jul-01
11:30pm 93n Martin Lawrence / Crash Test Dummies
2:00am 90l Kevin Bacon / INXS
3:00am 90m Roseanne Barr / Deee-Lite with Bootsy Collins & The Rubber Band
Th 05-Jul-01
noon 97t David Duchovny / Puff Daddy & Jimmy Page
1:00pm 98b Kelsey Grammer / Sheryl Crow
6:00pm 99g Christina Ricci / Beck
11:30pm 95a Mariel Hemingway / Blues Traveler
2:00am 90n Alec Baldwin / Whitney Houston
3:00am 86o Charlton Heston / Wynton Marsalis
Fr 06-Jul-01
noon 98h Vince Vaughn / Lauryn Hill
1:00pm 95j Christopher Walken / Joan Osborne
6:00pm 99a Jerry Seinfeld / David Bowie
11:00pm 96b Lisa Kudrow / Sheryl Crow
3:00am 86p John Lithgow / Anita Baker
*******************************************************************************
86o Charlton Heston / Wynton Marsalis
...............................................................................
cold: God (host) shows up in Oral Roberts' (PHH) office looking for his money
COMM The Fruiting- a horror movie about a house under siege by citrus
skit: The New Paper Chase- a professor (host) teaches future croupiers at UNLV
show: Church Chat- Jim (PHH) & Tammy Faye (JAH) Bakker discuss their troubles
song musical guest performs "J Mood"
comm: The President (host) Has Mustard On His Chin- sloppy leader in miniseries
news VIJ lies on the newsdesk & recites her poem "The Life Of A Rug"
skit: Sweeneys sing a medley to celebrate the opening of a new primate house
COMM: The Hustler Of Money- a movie about flamboyant young bowler Wince (BES)
skit The Slave Drivers- (host) debriefs the guys after the pyramid is complete
song musical guest performs "One Mustaad"
misc KEN clarifies- UNLV not a good school, Rebel cagers not good students
*******************************************************************************
86p John Lithgow / Anita Baker
...............................................................................
cold: stupid Marines (DAC) & (KEN) let spies into the USA embassy in Moscow
mono: a too-low boom mike blows the show's chances of winning a Benchley award
show: Laramie Vice- Crockett (host) & Tubbs (KEN) smell drugs in the Wild West
show: Reverend Dwight Henderson (host) is World's Meanest Methodist Minister
show: The Pat Stevens Show- Halston's (PHH) name doesn't mean what it used to
song musical guest performs "Sweet Love"
news KEN's editorial on surrogate motherhood is sprinkled with cliches
news AWB questions the values underlying the Baby M case
skit: Master Thespian- Baudelaire teaches his protege how to replace Olivier
show Discover- Peter Graves (PHH) doesn't really comprehend bacteria
skit: cab driver (host) gets (JOL) from New York to San Francisco in 9 minutes
song musical guest performs "Same Ole Love"
skit The Fighter- wealthy (PHH) hires washed-up boxer (host) to hit son (DAC)
*******************************************************************************
89t Candice Bergen / The Notting Hillbillies
...............................................................................
cold: in light of the budget deficit, Bush (DAC) now says "no huge new taxes"
mono: host is the focus of a Las Vegas-style production number praising "Candy"
skit: jealous Toonces abducts & impersonates (host)'s gifted driving cat Spunky
comm loser Craig Talbert (JOL) to women in thier 30's- "lower your standards"
show: The Tonight Show- guests are Jay Leno (KEN) & a 92 year-old woman (JAH)
song: musical guest performs "Railroad Worksong"
news AWB examines why racial tension in NYC continues to be a problem
show: Wayne's World- a fantasy summer romance with Garth's mom Hillary (host)
song: musical guest performs "Love You Too Much"
show Once Upon A Time- (MIM)'s sheep turds cheer up unhappy queen (host)
skit executive (host) insists on handling all menial office tasks herself
*******************************************************************************
90b Susan Lucci / Hothouse Flowers
...............................................................................
cold: Victor Kiam (PHH) introduces Classic Bitch & Lezbo electric shavers
mono: Emmy-less host sees the statuettes everywhere in a nightmarish flashback
show: Live With Regis (DAC) & Kathie Lee (JAH)- host & martial artist (MIM)
show: All My Luggage- at the airport, (host) gets bad news about her baggage
skit: Great Love Stories- unconventional couples describe how they met
song musical guest performs "Give It Up"
news Mr. Subliminal explains the MPAA's new NC-17 rating
news CSR explains the differences between crimes committed by blacks & whites
news Grumpy Old Man complains about hair dryers, Minoxidil, condoms
show: Game Breakers- manipulative Erica Kane (host) wins; Gene Rayburn cameo
skit: (host) is proud when her 12 year-old daughter (VIJ) gets her first period
skit (MIM) vows not to cry when his office holds a going-away party for him
song musical guest performs "I Can See Clearly Now"
comm M.C. Hammer's (CSR) version of The Sound of Music is Broadway-bound
*******************************************************************************
90g John Goodman / Faith No More
...............................................................................
cold: Church Chat- Church Lady & mother (host) gang up on Saddam Hussein (PHH)
mono: host does an impression of his newborn daughter Molly
COMM: Bad Idea Jeans {rerun}
skit people in (host)'s store are referred to by their annoying traits
skit: Keith Richards (DAC) helps ease Mick Jagger's (MIM) wedding day jitters
comm Telly Savalas (PHH) touts Player-With-Yourselves-Club wanking privileges
song musical guest performs "Epic"
show: The McLaughlin (DAC) Group- the controlling moderator has all the answers
news DAS likens Iraq attacking Kuwait to his older brother picking on him
skit flow of dinner table conversation is interrupted by the need to chew food
show: Wayne's World- Madonna's Justify My Love video is on at Garth's house
song musical guest performs "From Out of Nowhere"
skit: Davy Crockett (host) doesn't know what to make of his bookish son (MIM)
skit: (KEN) tries to figure out the sex of androgynous co-worker Pat (JUS)
*******************************************************************************
90j Joe Mantegna / Vanilla Ice
...............................................................................
cold: Bush (DAC) plays Michael Corleone to Saddam Hussein's (PHH) Sollozzo
mono: host uses intimidation to avert a walkout by a kid expecting Joe Montana
skit: on a radio talk show, city employee (host) downplays NYC's crime problem
show: Nightline- a Desert Storm soldier's (host) family loves him & is proud
skit: Officer Miller (PHH) shares his wisdom with a 14 year-old smoker (CHF)
song musical guest performs "Ice Ice Baby"
news AWB shares his thoughts on the final days before the Gulf War
show: I'm Chillin'- Onski (CSR) & B Fats (CHF) broadcast from the projects
skit pipe factory owner (host) & secretary (JAH) mull verbose complaint letter
show: Bill Swerski (host) & the other Super Fans talk about the Chicago Bears
song musical guest performs "Play That Funky Music"
show: Insane Inventors- Thomas Edison (DAC) & The Wolfman (host) collaborate
skit wound closings recalled at funeral of cut-man Eddie "The Clot" O'Hanlon
*******************************************************************************
90k Sting
...............................................................................
cold: Wayne's World- opinions on the best & worst of Gulf War TV coverage
song: musical guest performs "All This Time"
comm British people love brushing with sugary Hedley & Wyche toothpaste
skit: during a long elevator ride, fans (KEN) & (DAC) sing host's songs to him
show: The Sinatra (PHH) Group- Sinead O'Connor (JAH) & others discuss issues
MISC: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on figuring out why clowns seem frightening
skit: Richard Laymer (ROS) bombards his co-workers with elaborate nicknames
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on the definition of cowardice
news: one-man mobile uplink unit ALF reports on the Gulf War from Baghdad
news: DAS gives his thoughts on what's in & what's out
news: DEM demonstrates the mating habits of the dancing Coke can
song: musical guest performs "Mad About You"
skit Dr. Frankenstein (host) tries to expand his monster's verbal skills
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on telling kids where rain comes from
show: Coffee Talk- Paul Baldwin (MIM) takes calls about dogs & daughters
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on the contents of a big shark's stomach
skit flashbacks show the first time (VIJ) met husband's (host) parents
song musical guest performs "Purple Haze"
skit nightclub patron (MIM) suggests (host)'s bleak poetry could be brighter
*******************************************************************************
90l Kevin Bacon / INXS
...............................................................................
cold: reporters at a Desert Storm press briefing ask for classified information
mono: host counters nervousness by controlling his pulse rate & salivary glands
MISC: due to Gulf War, SNL refrains from running fake commercial for Execu-John
skit: Richard Laymer loses his socialization facilitator when the copier breaks
show: The Dark Side- Nat X's guests are Colin Powell (TIM) & Vanilla Ice (host)
skit: members of The Sarcastic Clapping Family Of Southhampton speak their mind
MISC: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on how kids like to be tricked
song musical guest performs "Bitter Tears"
news: AWB says it's no surprise that the Gulf War happened during Bush's tenure
skit (host) has no problems with potential roommate's (DAC) strange habits
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on biting what seemed to be a nectarine
show Dance Party USA- teens boogie in support of the Gulf War effort
show SoundStage- (host) only contributes handclaps in lopsided folk duo
song musical guest performs "Suicide Blonde"
show: Daily Affirmation- insecure Stuart Smalley (ALF) teaches self-acceptance
misc: a Desert Storm soldier (host) sings "Cleaning My Rifle & Dreaming Of You"
*******************************************************************************
90m Roseanne Barr / Deee-Lite with Bootsy Collins & The Rubber Band
...............................................................................
cold: army general Mr. Subliminal briefs the press about the Gulf War
comm: MetroCard- operator (host) & customer (PHH) remember a call for help
skit: Misery II- DAC's biggest fan (host) makes him keep Church Lady alive
show Sally Jessy Raphael (JAH)- host & Tom Arnold [real] respond to TV movie
song: musical guest performs "World Clique"
news propaganda tool Iraqi Pete (ADS) spouts anti-American sentiments
skit: (host) fails to figure out whether androgynous Pat is a man or a woman
COMM lunchroom talk shows how McIntosh Jr. gives the power to crush other kids
show A Presidents' Day Remembrance- Lincoln (PHH) & Mary Todd (host) brawl
COMM: Happy Fun Ball comes with a bunch of scary-sounding disclaimers
misc Iraqi Pete further eggs on the audience; TV Guide "cheers" SNL for him
show: Comedy Killers- stand-up comics on a game show about audience turn-offs
song: musical guest performs "The Power of Love"
misc: Victoria's Secrets- VIJ tells all about her dumb blonde image
COMM Opposites Attract- movie about a millionaire (MIM) & a prostitute
misc White Trash History Minute- how tuna noodle casserole was created
*******************************************************************************
90n Alec Baldwin / Whitney Houston
...............................................................................
cold: The McLaughlin (DAC) Group- panelists don't get a chance to give answers
mono: audible thoughts of host, musical guest, others reveal moments of doubt
COMM: The Dancer- home exercise unit lets you boogie; Evander Holyfield cameo
skit on The Honest Planet, office workers dispense with tact
show: The Sinead O'Connor (JAH) Awards- materialism in music industry is marked
song musical guest performs "I'm Your Baby Tonight"
comm: host is a product of Lank Thompson's "I'm A Handsome Actor" course
comm Pan Am will let anyone who flies to Europe during Gulf War keep the plane
news DEM translates for unintelligible Bob Dylan (DAC) & Tom Petty (DAS)
skit The Godfather, Part IV- Michael Corleone (host) is the don of the future
show I'm Chillin'- Onski sends F'ed Up malt liquor to the Gulf War troops
song musical guest performs "All The Man I Need"
skit (JUS) is flustered by face-to-face confession to handsome priest (host)
skit: wide-nosed Cyrano de Bergerac (TIM) helps (host) get with Roxanne (JAH)
*******************************************************************************
90p Jeremy Irons / Fishbone
...............................................................................
cold: Pumping Up With Hans & Franz- they intend to liberate Kuwait atop a camel
mono: hobbies designed to keep host's mind off his Oscar nomination don't work
COMM: McIntosh Jr. {rerun}
skit: Richard Laymer gets emotional at a goodbye party for co-worker (host)
skit: Sherlock Holmes (host) spoils the fun at his own surprise party
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on stories involving sad clowns & diarrhea
misc (host) & lonesome cowboys sing about the unappealing nature of their job
song musical guest performs "Sunless Saturday"
news: DEM steps in before Razor Ruddock [real] can talk about end of Tyson bout
news: CSR gives tips on how to enjoy your trip to see New Jack City
skit (JUS), (JAH), (VIJ) love the novelty of (host)'s English accent
show: Wayne's World- the boys offer up their Oscar picks
skit Hannibal Lecter (host) psychoanalyzes rageaholic cellmate Mace
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on how to temper homicidal urges
comm Buzz Pen- shave phone messages into friends' hair; Razor Ruddock cameo
song musical guest performs "Everyday Sunshine"
comm Looney Tunes Classics- host plugs album of classical music from cartoons
FILM: "Football Days" by Jennifer Meyer- Jack Handey's gridiron career recalled
*******************************************************************************
91b Jeff Daniels / Color Me Badd
...............................................................................
cold: Tonight Show- Johnny Carson (DAC) decides to cancel his retirement
mono: DAC quickly teaches host the eight standard SNL monologue moves
COMM: seed-containing Earthies diapers are environmentally responsible
skit: Richard Laymer faces name-manipulation competition from (host)
show: Community College Bowl- students are unable to answer easy questions
show: The Chris Farley Show- CHF recalls scenes during an interview with host
song musical guest performs "I Wanna Sex You Up"
news embarrassingly rich ALF reconciles his wealth with his political leanings
NEWS announcer's call of Bobby Thompson's pennant-winning homer is low-key
skit: boss (PHH) asks novelty item creator (host) about his unconventional gags
show Simon- drawings document summer camp infirmary stay & barbecue fire
show Real Life With Jane Pauley (JUS)- (host) is much dumber than wife (SIF)
song: musical guest performs "I Adore Mi Amor"
skit (DAC), (KEN), (host) hypocritically bad-mouth their supposed buddies
*******************************************************************************
93n Martin Lawrence / Crash Test Dummies
...............................................................................
cold: Jeff Gillooly (ROS) relates his concerns about Clinton health care plan
mono: host does stand-up about penile dismemberment & feminine hygiene
COMM: McIntosh Post-it Notes {rerun}
show: Thugs- muggers (host) & (PHH) offer commentary during a night of work
show: Daily Affirmation- initially-hostile host eventually opens up to Stuart
song: musical guest performs "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm"
news: NOM says Michael Jackson may be a child molester, but he's no plagiarist
news: Hollywood Minute- DAS talks about Jim Carrey, Gerard Depardieu, others
skit Matt Foley & fellow prisoner (host) scare juvenile delinquents straight
skit bike messenger (MIM) waxes poetic about his job & talks with pedestrians
song: musical guest performs "Afternoons & Coffeespoons"
skit: during a game, New Jersey Nets benchwarmer (host) shows (TIM) the ropes
show Ricki Lake (MEH)- Joe Jackson (host) & Ike Turner (TIM) defend themselves
*******************************************************************************
93r Emilio Estevez / Pearl Jam
...............................................................................
cold: Michael Fay (host) gets his punishment from a friendly caner (KEN)
show: Geek, Dweeb, or Spazz- cool kids identify types of high school outcasts
comm The Whitewater Folder- host in latest movie based on a John Grisham book
song: musical guest performs "Not For You"
news: KEN gives a subliminal editorial about flogging in Singapore
news: Operaman sings a medley about Whitewater, Singapore, Eddie Vedder
show: How Much Ya Bench?- supposedly steroid-free weightlifters take some calls
song musical guest performs "Rearview Mirror"
comm The Herlihy Boy Grandmother Sitting Service- he wants to bathe, marry her
skit stupid Poker Billy (host) doesn't know how to play the card game
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on the earliest fly swatters
song: musical guest performs "Daughter"
*******************************************************************************
94k David Hyde Pierce / Live
...............................................................................
cold: Judge Ito (MIM) decides what evidence will be allowed in the O.J. trial
mono: host sings variant of "I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major-General"
COMM: lawn care barely taps the potential of the Amazin' Laser garden gun
skit: (CHF) & (JAG) use rock song lyrics to do well in (host)'s poetry class
skit: Tales Of Little Women- prim kids turn nasty after falling through the ice
show: Scottish Soccer Hooligan Weekly- rowdies Andy (MIM) & Ian (MAM) talk shop
song: musical guest performs "I Alone"
news: TIM & entire African American community are glad the hockey strike's over
news: JAM's Wacky Sports Bloopers consist of crudely-manipulated videotape
skit the crew of a spaceship suspects nerdy (host) of being the robot spy
skit (MMK) dislikes fellow lawyer's (host) nervous habit of sheep shearing
skit: Jersey kids' (ADS) & (DAS) fun with foreigner (host) makes instant karma
show: Perspectives- urban community programming with Lionel Osbourne (TIM)
song musical guest performs "Selling The Drama"
skit Claire (CSE) finds an unwilling Internet sex partner in Darryl (MAM)
comm Movie News- small print reveals the "show" to be a vehicle for Disney ads
*******************************************************************************
95a Mariel Hemingway / Blues Traveler
...............................................................................
cold: O.J. Today- Johnnie Cochran (TIM) uses the race card in closing arguments
mono: while introducing the new cast, host passionately kisses the females
COMM A.M. Ale- it lets you feel OK about getting an early-morning buzz
skit: Frank (WIF) dampens cookout mood by threatening his shed-climbing kids
show: Nightline- Bob Dole (NOM) is bitter about Colin Powell's (TIM) popularity
show: Leg Up- Ann Miller (MOS), Debbie Reynolds (CHO), Elizabeth Berkley (host)
news NAW's stories about the poor state of society make you shake your head
song: musical guest performs "Run-Around"
skit: (WIF) has trouble coming up with ways to help wife (host) end phone calls
misc: Spade in America- DAS gives the Unabomber some advice about his image
show: Biography- host tells how she almost didn't get Central Park West part
MISC Jack Handey's Fuzzy Memories- of dad's reaction to a bully
song musical guest performs "Hook"
show The Chicken Lady (MAM) Show- non-judgemental program features fetishists
*******************************************************************************
95j Christopher Walken / Joan Osborne
...............................................................................
cold: Rudolph Giuliani & George Pataki [real] make apologies for tonight's SNL
mono snowdiggers NAW, MOS, CHO join host as he dances & sings about snow
skit: Rita Delvecchio tries to get neighbor (host) to clear her walk
show: The Continental once again tries to charm a female visitor
song: musical guest performs "One Of Us"
news JMB personifies relationship between the stomach & alcoholic beverages
news Jesse Jackson (DAH) explains relationship between civil rights & laughter
show Connie Stinson (host) Talks- he puts words in guests' mouths to provoke
skit: Mary Katherine Gallagher dreams of dancing with guidance counselor (host)
misc: Spade in America- without realizing he's on-air, DAS reports from outside
skit: executioner Gerald Tibbins (DAK) jokes around with condemned man (host)
*******************************************************************************
96b Lisa Kudrow / Sheryl Crow
...............................................................................
cold Bob Dole (NOM) prepares for a debate with Clinton; David L. Lander cameo
mono: host describes her fantasy one-night stand with SNL
COMM: Caribbean Essence Bath Oil literally lifts you up & takes you away
show Singled Out- Mary Katherine Gallagher looks for love amongst Generation X
skit: air traffic controller Suel Forrester "helps" stewardess (host) land
TOON: "Fun With Real Audio" by RBS- Ross Perot & Larry King ramble
news: Clinton (DAH) likes Independence Day's "dead First Lady" plot
song: musical guest performs "If It Makes You Happy"
show: Single & Loving It- joyologist Helen (MOS) claims to enjoy manlessness
skit: five-star hotel bellmen (JMB), (CHK), (WIF) destroy guests' luggage
skit: Mickey The Dyke (CHO) emcees Wymins Poetry Night at a lesbian bar
song musical guest performs "Love Is A Good Thing"
skit: ex-con waiter Gene (COQ) harasses a dining couple (host) & (MAM)
MISC Brief Histories- explosives ensured the success of George Ferris' Wheel
*******************************************************************************
96i Rosie O'Donnell / Whitney Houston
...............................................................................
cold Clinton (DAH) offers multiple cabinet posts to out-of-work Bob Dole (NOM)
mono host, musical guest, Penny Marshall [real] sing "I Got You Babe"
COMM: Darnette Disposable Toilets ensure a germ-free bathroom experience
skit: too-heavy real Spartan (host) joins Hickory Farms temps Craig & Arianna
skit: Mary Katherine Gallagher steals choir soloist's (musical guest) spotlight
skit: Margaret Jo & Terry discuss gingerbread & talk about citrus with (host)
TOON: "Don We Now... Or Never" by RBS- The Ambiguously Gay Duo saves Santa
misc: Goat Boy extends Christmas greetings by singing "Silent Night"
news Beavis & Butt-Head [real] report on the true meaning of Christmas
song: musical guest sings "I Believe In You & Me"
skit: Rita Delvecchio faces off against nativity scene rival (Penny Marshall)
comm: Russell & Tate kick butt for you at the Supreme Court with no money down
show: The Local News- Joe Blow welcomes recent widow (host) to his basement
song musical guest sings "I Go To The Rock"
misc: host & castmembers say "good night" from Rockefeller Center skating rink
*******************************************************************************
96o Sting / Veruca Salt
...............................................................................
cold: injured Clinton (DAH) points out the undesirable order of succession
mono: host helps save rain forests for the sake of animals like Mr. Peepers
skit: Juan Peron (NOM) can't fathom why Evita (ANG) breaks into song
skit: Middle Agers (WIF), (ANG), (CHK) try to sell Pope (MAM) on a nude Crusade
comm: The Laid Back Neutral MC's (TRM) & (TIM) fear gangsta rap violence
show Don West (WIF) & Eddy Lewis (CHK) put Mark Hamill [real] up for sale
skit: (JMB) dislikes white power gossip of fellow Klan members Rolf & (host)
news: during his St. Patrick's Day message, drunk COQ gets defensive & bugs NOM
news (ANG)'s assumption of Annie role drives Joanna Pacitti (CHO) batty
song: musical guest performs "Shutterbug"
show The Brendan Boyle (COQ) Show- leprechaun (host) rebukes limerick critics
skit: Mrs. Attebury's daughter's (MOS) 37 year-old boyfriend (host) gets fresh
skit: host's wife Trudie Styler [real] digs song interpreter Kyle DeMarco (CHK)
show: Race & Racism- (TIM) asks apartheid dismantler (host) about Ghostbusters
song: host performs "My One & Only Love"
*******************************************************************************
97e JOL / Jane's Addiction
...............................................................................
cold: Bill Gates (CHK), Clinton (DAH), media moguls vie for control of airwaves
mono: JOL presents highlights from his self-centered one-man Broadway show
skit: Michael Vale (JOL) wants to control fate of his Dunkin' Donuts character
skit: Ross Perot (DAC) crashes Larry King's (NOM) star-filled wedding reception
skit MTV contest winner (JOL) can't stand living in a cabin with Jewel (ANG)
TOON: "Fun With Real Audio" by RBS- Clinton press conference goes awry
show: The Ladies' Man- Leon sips Courvoisier & expresses regard for Delta Burke
news: Tommy Flanagan tells what he's supposedly been up to lately
song: musical guest performs "Jane Says"
show: Late Show with David Letterman (NOM)- Marv Albert (JOL) shows home movie
MISC The Lost Deep Thoughts of Jack Handey- on the mountain's biggest secret
misc: COQ explains The New York Times by interpreting various news items
show The Robin Byrd (CHO) Show- porn actress & adult film industry guests chat
comm British pop artists aim to help au pair by singing "Set Our Nanny Free!"
*******************************************************************************
97n Garth Brooks
...............................................................................
cold: Clinton (DAH), Saddam Hussein (WIF), Monica Lewinsky (MOS) chat on phone
mono: host relives stint in psychedelic revival band with a trippy guitar solo
skit: on the range, host claims kinship with real cowboys (WIF), (JMB), (TIM)
skit: host's career goes downhill after he falls under the spell of Mango
show Oprah (TIM)- Monica Lewinsky (MOS) waffles regarding Clinton oral sex
TOON: "Fun With Real Audio" by RBS- David Brenner makes the talk show circuit
show: Old French Whore!- prostitutes & high school students team on game show
news: host is Cinder Calhoun's "Adonis in Blue Jeans," but he's not interested
show: Who's More Grizzled?!- inured (host) & (Robert Duvall) vie on game show
song: host performs "Two Pina Coladas"
show Hey, Remember the 80's- Brian Setzer (CHK) & Kevin Rowland (host)
skit trapped moviegoers try to survive endless stream of Shelly Long trailers
skit (WIF) visits (Robert Duvall)'s hospital bed to sing "Lay Lady Lay"
*******************************************************************************
97o Scott Wolf / Natalie Imbruglia
...............................................................................
cold: Larry King (NOM) Live- Clinton's (DAH) many accusers appear via satellite
mono: host & audience members (DAH), (JMB), (CHO) share New Jersey roots
skit: T.G.I.Fridays star server (host) coaches trainee Mary Katherine Gallagher
show: The Celine Dion (ANG) Show- "the best voice in the world" upstages divas
comm: Party of Five- a black guy (TRM) gets involved with Bailey (host) & clan
news: COQ gives his thoughts on how interns should be treated
news: COQ makes an analogy between Iraq diplomacy & peer group politics
news: heavy metal singer Gunner Olsen (JMB) fashions the news for young viewers
song: musical guest performs "Torn"
show The 3rd Annual Reenactment Awards- dramatic recreationists get their due
skit host & Party of Five are old news to Titanic-obsessed Craig & Arianna
show Issues- on break from BYU, Jeff's cousin (host) tokes for the first time
MISC: The Lost Deep Thoughts of Jack Handey- on King Kong walking your street
skit: coeds (CHO), (MOS), (ANG) fall for duelling troubadours (host) & (CHK)
COMM: Breath Spray Plus trades purse clutter for potential safety hazards
*******************************************************************************
97q Steve Buscemi / Third Eye Blind
...............................................................................
cold viewers choose between Lewis Lapham [real] & farcical Clinton (DAH) skit
mono: TIM, ANG, WIF unsuccessfully try to help host return to his improv roots
COMM: Xerox Assjet 790 {rerun}
skit: truly mad Hatter (host) ruins tea party of Alice (MOS) & Hare (John Hurt)
show: Morning Latte- to (host)'s dismay, Didi Conn's [real] Grease role snubbed
show: Goth Talk- the Prom of Doom is held in the high school boiler room
TOON: "Titey" by RBS- Disney's cheerful spin on Titanic uses celebrity voices
show Stuff We Made- (JMB) & (host) show their crappy & creepy constructions
news Reggie White (TRM) extends his offensive remarks to cover more groups
song: musical guest performs "How's It Going To Be"
show: Judge Judy (CHO)- (ANG) & hip-hop dance instructor (host) litigate
skit: volatile (host) interviews jobseekers (CHK) & (Natasha Henstridge)
COMM: I Took A Gay Guy To Prom- (ANG), (CHO), (MOS) remember their queer beaus
show Jim Halsey's (WIF) Truck Drivin' Museum- the Kenworth RX-40TD is profiled
MISC The Lost Deep Thoughts of Jack Handey- on crucifying via windmill
*******************************************************************************
97t David Duchovny / Puff Daddy & Jimmy Page
...............................................................................
cold Mulder (host) rebuff puts Janet Reno (WIF) in Krycek's (Nicholas Lea) arm
mono: host gets frustrated upon dropping a pick into his boyhood guitar
skit: (host) instructs Craig & Arianna at Paula Abdul [real] Cheerleading Camp
TOON: "A Hard One To Swallow" by RBS- The Ambiguously Gay Duo seeks origins
show: Jeopardy!- Sean Connery (DAH), Minnie Driver (MOS), Jeff Goldblum (host)
song: musical guest performs "Come With Me"
news Dominican Lou disregards Clinton & complains about rival super Wilfredo
news unshaven & pantyhoseless Cinder Calhoun says "Unshackle My Legs"
skit: host is enraptured by Mango; cameos by John Goodman, Matt Lauer, Al Roker
show Oprah (TIM)- Goat Boy is reunited with his brother (host)
COMM: Interbank will do much more than replace your stolen travellers' checks
show: From The Earth To The Area Around The Earth- a ho-hum Shuttle mission
FILM: Golords battle James Cameron & his army of Leonardo DiCaprio clones
MISC: The Lost Deep Thoughts of Jack Handey- on the use of baby traps
*******************************************************************************
98b Kelsey Grammer / Sheryl Crow
...............................................................................
cold: in bed, Clinton (DAH) gets an icy reception from bitter Hillary (ANG)
mono host sings rejected alternative Frasier theme songs
COMM KCF Shredders- (JIF) pitches bagged lettuce & mayonnaise to Generation X
skit: Margaret Jo & Terry talk wilderness food with naturalist-cannibal (host)
COMM: avoid sex scandals by electing eunuch Terry Ferguson (WIF) to the Senate
skit: (TRM) treats grown-up son (Shaquille O'Neal) as if he were still little
COMM: Terry Ferguson has neither Washington-insider status nor genitals
skit: a dame (MOS) turns film noir private eye's (host) thoughts to burritos
skit: (host) wets Baywatch, Hal Linden, Christine Baranksi, Patti LuPone [real]
COMM: volume 1 of The Best of Horatio Sanz doesn't quite fill the videotape
news: COQ likens the problem of debtor nations to that of tapped-out friends
news: French playboy Tropical Storm Georges (host) luxuriates in his power
song: musical guest performs "My Favorite Mistake"
skit: (host)'s socialization try proves Mr. Peepers is animal, not human being
TOON: "Maakies" by Tony Millionaire- chopped-in-half rat becomes a mermaid
show Morning Latte- Tom & Cass bug new producer (CHK); Shaquille O'Neal cameo
show Hello Dolly- personal problems pervade saccharine pitch of (host) & (ANG)
show lumberjacks blame timbersports champion (WIF) for hogging Jesus' backing
*******************************************************************************
98h Vince Vaughn / Lauryn Hill
...............................................................................
cold oral sex experts testify for Clinton-investigating Senate committee
mono: to host's relief, Alfred Hitchcock (DAH) isn't upset about Psycho remake
COMM: Oops! I Crapped My Pants {rerun}
show: Dog Show- David Larry (WIF) & Miss Colleen (MOS) prefer canine company
skit Trent Walker (host) makes a Swinger of Mr. Peepers with a Vegas road trip
skit: spoken-for (host) & (WIF) mislead engaged (JIF) about joys of marriage
COMM: Brew Dude party hat helps college students focus on beer, not books
skit: ghosts of John Lennon (JIF) & Jerry Garcia (HOS) frustrate wisdom seekers
skit gas station employees mull the future in aftermath of Mobil-Exxon merger
news: COQ marvels at Republicans' persistence in pursuing impeachment
news: tree-chained Cinder Calhoun sings "Christmas Chainsaw Massacre"
song: musical guest performs "Doo Wop"
skit cloying cheer of Norman Bates' (host) mother (CHO) precipitated murder
show: Pimp Chat- Bishop Don 'Mack' Donald (TRM) & Pimpin' Kyle (TIM) talk shop
song musical guest performs "Ex-Factor"
skit: Delco Cat Toys salesmen trade macho banter & test quality of new products
*******************************************************************************
99a Jerry Seinfeld / David Bowie
...............................................................................
cold: Pat Buchanan (CHP) & Donald Trump (DAH) vie to be Reform Party candidate
mono: for host, a typical day in NYC involves watching cheesy TV reruns nonstop
COMM: slow-to-get-online investment firm got stuck with clownpenis.fart domain
show: Morning Latte- Cass' husband Eli (CHP) & fruit-meat diet doctor (host)
skit: Mary Katherine Gallagher falls for Jewish basketball star (host)
comm trust Javis Home Security Systems to keep out freaks like diaperer (WIF)
show: Action8 News Watch- anchors (host) & (ANG) deliver alarmist teases
NEWS The Millennium- sharks were unaffected by the past 1000 years of history
news: host & Jerry Seinfeld (JIF) engage in a point-counterpoint about The Gap
song: musical guest performs "Thursday's Child"
SHOW: OZ- host brings Seinfeld sensibilities to a maximum security prison
skit (WIF) calls 1-800-EAT-SHIT in a futile attempt to report a bad driver
skit: TV execs give ...And A Pizza Place its own series; A.J. Benza cameo
song musical guest performs "Rebel Rebel"
skit thug (WIF) alternately interrogates (host) & nurses him back to health
*******************************************************************************
99g Christina Ricci / Beck
...............................................................................
cold: Clinton (DAH) points out the Republican presidential hopefuls' weaknesses
mono: host's twin sister Bettina (RAD) wishes they were still an acting team
skit: at holiday parade, (host) disses Craig & steals Arianna's boyfriend (JIF)
comm And So This Is Chanukah- star-packed special is vaguely Judaism-related
show: Who Wants To Eat?- Bosnian refugee (host) seeks sustenance on game show
show: Taxicab Confessions- stripper (host) distracts cabbie (TIM) with sex talk
TOON: "Fun With Real Audio" by RBS- the Friends are oblivious to the apocalypse
news WTO spokesman Jacob Silj (WIF) can't modulate the volume of his voice
song: musical guest performs "Mixed Bizness"
show Goth Talk- Circe, Baron Nocturna, (host) conduct Azrael's funeral
show: Sally Jessy Raphael (ANG) unsuccessfully tries to tame wild teen (host)
song musical guest performs "Sexx Laws"
MISC clip of Madeline Kahn's "I Feel Pretty" SNL performance marks her passing
*******************************************************************************
99k Alan Cumming / Jennifer Lopez
...............................................................................
cold: presidential candidates have breakfast after the New Hampshire primary
mono: host is besieged by Broadway-wannabes CHO, CHK, ANG, CHP, TRM, WIF
COMM Uncle Jemima's (TRM) Pure Mash Liquor is his bid to escape wife's shadow
comm: VH-1 depicts John Lennon (JIF) & Paul McCartney (host) as restauranteurs
skit: Marty & Bobby perform a medley with couples workshop organizer (host)
show: Dog Show- an intervention addresses Mr. Bojangles' drinking problem
FILM: "The Heat Is On" by Adam McKay- (BES) regrets bedding Glenn Frey (WIF)
song: musical guest performs "Feelin' So Good"
news Great Moments in Black History- TRM offers an autobiography
news Clinton (DAH) says "the next president will be boring; you'll miss me"
show Siegfried (host) & Roy's (CHK) Night of 1000 Tigers is a wildlife benefit
show: Hello Dolly- (host)'s collectible creations are a vehicle for psychoses
show musical guest performs "Waiting For Tonight"
*******************************************************************************
99n Joshua Jackson / 'N Sync
...............................................................................
cold: Ted Koppel (DAH), Tom Brokaw (CHP), Bernard Shaw (TIM) hate Bush vs. Gore
mono: host assures older generations that the show will be a good one
COMM: Hamburger Helper Antibacterial {rerun}
skit: Regis Philbin (DAH) interviews potential Kathie Lee Gifford replacements
skit: (WIF) & (HOS) ruin wedding reception by playing "Died In Your Arms"
show: 7 Degrees Celsius meets the press & unveils opening act (musical guest)
skit to frat boys' dismay, magic wish yields real-life lesbians (RAD) & (ANG)
news: Kevin Brennan [real] compares elites Al Gore & George W. Bush
song: musical guest performs "Bye Bye Bye"
show Let's Talk Books- experts consider works with naughty title-author combos
skit: Colette Reardon shows up at nephew's (host) school's Parents Day
FILM "Neil Armstrong, The Ohio Years" by Adam McKay- spaceman rests on laurels
song musical guest performs "I Thought She Knew"
skit Warren's attempt to draw lawnboy (host) into a menage-a-trois upsets Fran
*******************************************************************************
99p Christopher Walken / Christina Aguilera
...............................................................................
cold: Bush (DAC) coaches son George W. (WIF) on how to be evasive
mono: host sings "Saturday Night Is The Loneliest Night Of The Week" & dances
show: Behind The Music- cowbell dominates Blue Oyster Cult recording session
misc going to commercial, J. Mascis [real] plays guitar
comm: Elian, The Cuban Boy!- stage adaptation of international custody battle
show: The Continental gets amorous when a lady arrives to retrieve her mail
COMM: wives sarcastically thank Viagra for restoring husbands' intumescence
show Jenny Jones (RAD)- audience member (host) imparts wisdom to panelists
news: Jacob Silj bemoans being afflicted with voice immodulation
song: musical guest performs "I Turn To You"
skit census taker (TIM) records apartment dweller's (host) crazy responses
show Sally O'Malley crashes the Miss Greenwood Hills Beauty Pageant
song musical guest performs "At Last" & "What A Girl Wants"
*******************************************************************************
Frank Serpas III ser...@io.com
...............................................................................
it's SATURDAY NET- http://www.io.com/~serpas/snl.html