The Brittas Empire - Episode Guide (LONG)
Matthew Kenneth Sharp
THE BRITTAS EMPIRE
By Matthew K. Sharp (917...@edna.cc.swin.edu.au)
Version 1.0 Current as of 15 December 1994.
------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks to:
Peter Tatchell (comedy historian extraordinaire):
for the loan of Radio Times to get the
titles for series 2 and 3, and the
synopsis for 3-3.
Larry Hancock (Larry_...@tvo.org):
for the details for series 5, episodes 1
to 6.
Murray C Park (mp...@mpark.demon.co.uk):
for the details for series 5, episodes
7 & 8 and X94.
NB. The titles for series 1 and 2-7 in "" are titles which
I have invented in lieu of the correct ones, which
were unavailable at the time of publication. This
will hopefully be corrected in future editions. If
you have any info, please send it to the address
above.
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BRIEF SYNOPSIS: Superior British farce series set in the
Whitbury Newtown Leisure Centre, detailing the trials and
tribulations of its over-zealous manager, Gordon Brittas,
and his staff.
Series written by Richard Fegen & Andrew Norriss.
(Who also wrote Chance In A Million -
episode guide coming soon!)
MAIN CHARACTERS:
Gordon Wellsley Brittas (Chris Barrie): The manager of the
leisure centre; he has a dream to bring to world
together through sports. He is always terribly
eager to see that things are done by the rule
book; however, it is an awfully complicated rule-
book, and this tends to lead him to disaster. But
he means well. Despite what happens, he never
sets out with malice in his heart.
Helen Brittas (Pippa Haywood): His wife. Living with
Gordon for ten years has turned Helen into a
nervous wreck, forever popping pills. She
occasionally visits "Uncle" Simon in London to do
for him, and has been known to indulge in
kleptomania. Why she stays married to Brittas is
an utter mystery.
Laura Lancing (Julia St. John): Deputy Manager, Dry.
Efficient, practical, understanding; everything
Brittas is not. Was previously married to a rich
American, but things didn't work out.
Occasionally seems to have some sort of attraction
to Brittas; if only he weren't so irritating.
Colin Weatherby (Michael Burns): Deputy Manager, Wet. Not
so much a walking wounded as a walking wound,
Colin is often found injured, hurt, or in some way
oozing. A great believer in homeopathy, although
it never seems to work. Is dim enough to follow
Brittas and be his willing lackey in schemes which
usually end in him being further damaged.
Carole Parkinson (Harriet Thorpe): Receptionist. Has had
rather a spell of bad luck - her husband left her
with a three week old baby and an unpaid mortgage
before running off with another woman. Can
usually be found crying at the reception desk, in
a drawer of which she keeps her son Ben.
Subsequently had twins (Tom and Emily - fathered
by Brittas), also kept in drawers. The children
have since become acclimatised to small spaces,
and Ben went on to use the whole of the
ventilation system as a playground.
Linda Perkin (Jill Greenacre): Eager employee of the
leisure centre - too young and innocent to realise
she should get out while she can.
Tim Whistler (Russell Porter) and
Gavin Featherleigh (Tim Marriot): In all the time Brittas
has been at the centre, he has never really
tumbled to the fact that this pair are in fact
lovers, although he did once ask Gavin to see if
he could spot any behaviour which might suggest
Tim was a "left footer". Tim is the more forceful
of the pair, although he seems more insecure, as
he's always jumping to conclusions whenever
Gavin's name is linked with that of a lady's -
which, with Brittas around, happens more often
than you'd think.
Angie (Andree Bernard): Brittas' secretary (first series
only). Obviously got sick of Brittas very
quickly, since before very long she was replaced
by...
Julie (Judy Flynn): Brittas' secretary (second series
onward). Gets great pleasure from constantly
disobeying Brittas or ignoring his requests
completely. And let's face it, who wouldn't?
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WHITBURY NEWTOWN LEISURE CENTRE
"Semper Omnibus Facultas"
Water Temperature:
Main Pool 72 F
Small Pool 80 F
Has had the boiler room flooded, several doors removed (one
of which had Gavin nailed to it), caught fire twice,
attacked by Roman centurions and blown to smithereens.
On a good day, attendance figures average above zero.
WHAT HAPPENED AT (TO?) ALDERSHOT?
Well, that's a good question. All we know is that Brittas
caused three and a half millions pounds worth of damage,
that he had to dig people out, and that he was promoted and
given a bravery medal for his efforts. He received a number
of excellent references from Aldershot, and some kind of
gift, the details of which have temporarily slipped my mind.
------------------------------------------------------------
SERIES ONE.
1-1 3 Jan 1991 "The New Manager"
Gordon: I think I'll just pop out and tell [the
children] I'm off.
Helen: Oh, do you have to? They seem to be
enjoying themselves.
Gordon Brittas has been appointed as the new
manager of the Whitbury Newtown Leisure Centre,
and his first day, before the centre is even open,
manages to provoke the builders to strike and
annoy most of his new staff - one wires himself
into the emergency lighting system, while another
attacks Brittas ninja-style with sharpened table-
tennis bats.
Pam's Son.....................Zander Ward
Pam...........................Frances Low
Mrs Dapping...................Jo Kendall
Neil..........................Gary Whitaker
Damien........................Rory Murray
Mrs Delgaro...................Ruth Silverstre
Foreman.......................Ian Bleasdale
1-2 10 Jan 1991 "Opening Day"
Helen: Has he given his talk to the staff yet?
Laura: Yes.
Helen: Did anyone walk out?
Laura: Three.
Helen: Oh. It was fourteen at Aldershot.
It's opening day, and the doors keep jamming open,
the heating isn't working and the pool's leaking.
Brittas intervenes. Now the doors won't open and
the place is like a hothouse thanks the the loony
stoker and his flooding boiler room. Will the
entire staff faint before they can escape? And is
there any way to stop Colin from shaking hands
with the Duchess of Kent?
Boilerman Barnes..............Declan Mulholland
Foreman.......................Ian Bleasdale
Workman.......................Felix Bowness
Electrician...................David Webber
Michael.......................Davidson Knight
Boy Scout.....................Ross McCall
1-3 17 Jan 1991 "Bye-Bye Baby"
Laura: You know what Brittas said - if he found
it in here again, he'd confiscate it.
Brittas finally finds out about Carole keeping her
baby in the desk drawers, and in the subsequent
removal of Carole and the baby, the baby goes
missing. Carole thinks Brittas has taken it and
goes berserk with an axe. Brittas also manages to
bank up dozens of customers in the foyer and
destroy a relaxation lecturer while he's at it.
Peter Philips.................David Dexter
Woman In Queue................Maureen Morris
Ken Owen......................Tony Millan
Mrs Walsh.....................Jo Martin
Derrick.......................Brian Stephens
Rev Philips...................Tony Kirwood
Mrs Philips...................Veronica Doran
1-4 24 Jan 1991 "Underwater Wedding"
Helen: I don't think God called Gordon at all - I
think he just overheard a message for
someone else.
An underwater wedding in the main pool with the
best man stuck on the bottom; a drunkard in a
electric wheelchair speeding through the
corridors; Gavin gets shot through the arm with a
harpoon; and the centre is filled with poison gas.
It's just a normal day, really.
Beverley......................Karan Bidmead
Vicar.........................Geoffrey Banks
Groom.........................Richard Lumsden
Pam...........................Frances Low
Mr Appleby....................Roy Alon
Teacher.......................Charlotte Kasner
1-5 7 Feb 1991 "Stop Thief!"
Dr Grey: Tell me, did he really train for the
Samaritans?
Helen: Oh yes.
Dr Grey: And they let him in?
Helen: Just the one evening - Black Friday they
call it. They lost four people in an
hour and a half. One of them was just a
wrong number.
The centre is closed, as Brittas is intent on
finding out which of the staff is a petty
pilferer. So it's out with the questionnaires,
the UV sensitive powder in Brittas' wallet, and
the ultimate solution, hiding Colin in a locker to
spy on the staff room.
Danny.........................Jake Abraham
Mandy.........................Joanne Heywood
Dr Grey.......................Steve Edwin
1-6 14 Feb 1991 "The Assassin"
Helen: It's quite an achievement, really -
filling an entire hospital intensive care
unit single handed. It's a good score
even for Gordon.
Brittas has designed some overly-complicated
special offers to help lift attendance (from 43 in
the previous weekend). But he may not be in
attendance himself much longer, as someone is out
there trying to kill him. Now who would want to do
a thing like that?
Larry Whitaker................Mike Carnell
Gerry.........................Andrew Bradley
Steve.........................David Delve
Series One Technical Crew
Title Music Frank Renton [1-6]
Costume Design Carol Lawrence [1-6]
Make-Up Designer Sally Bounden-Warren [1-6]
Janice Sewell [6]
Visual Effects Designer Steve Lucas [1-6
Andy Lazell [4]
Graphic Designer Richard Maclay [1-6]
Camera Supervisor Ken Major [1,3-6]
Chris Glass [2]
Technical Co-Ordinator Steve Lowry [1-6]
Vision Mixer Anne Stanley [1-2,4-6]
Hilary Briegel [3]
Properties Buyer Emma Mitchell [1-6]
Production Assistants Tracey Gillham [1-6]
Loretta Cocchi [1-6]
Assistant Floor Manager Cripsin Avon [1-6]
Finance Assistant Godfrey Marshall [1-6]
Sound Graham Wilkinson [1-6]
Dave Lee [1-6]
Videotape Editor Roger Martin [1-6]
Production Manager Peter R. Lovell [1-6]
Lighting Harry Bradley [1-6]
Designer John Bristow [1-6]
Produced & Directed by Mike Stephens [1-6]
(C) BBC MCMXC
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SERIES TWO.
2-1 2 Jan 1992 Back From The Dead
Helen: He's not coming back. He's dead.
Julie: I thought he was in Bulgaria.
Helen: Yes. He's dead in Bulgaria.
The leisure centre is deserted, until rumours
begin to circulate that Brittas is dead. Bookings
pick up dramatically. However, certain rumours
have exaggerated - Brittas is back! Colin thinks
it's a ghost trying to take over someone's body so
as to return to the physical plane, and Carole
goes berserk thinking that the target is her baby.
Baby Ben......................Phoebe Gilpin
John..........................David Thorpe
Woman.........................Brenda Cavendish
Man...........................Karl Moffatt
Lad...........................Martino Lazzeri
2-2 9 Jan 1992 Temple Of The Body
Julie: Of course, there is the chance that I'm
only joking. It's just possible that when
you come in, I won't have taken my clothes
off, and I'll be standing behind the door
waiting to drop a filing cabinet on your
head.
The centre is closed - again - to try and stop the
staff using it for sexual purposes after hours.
Brittas finds a den of iniquity in a cupboard, and
drills a hole on his office floor to try and catch
the offenders. Brittas thinks Gavin may be the
Casanova, which causes a rift between Gavin and
Tim.
Reporter......................Geoffrey Drew
Photographer..................Graeme Smith
Changing Room Girls...........Samantha Perkins
...........Amanda Edwards
...........Heidi Gjertsen
2-3 16 Jan 1992 An Inspector Calls
Colin: I tried creeping up on it, but they're got
eyes like hawks, pigeons. Well, more like
pigeons really, I suppose...
The centre is due for an inspection by the most
feared inspector in the Southern area. Despite
Brittas' meticulous preparations, there's an
incontinent pigeon in the gym, and Brittas has
been berated about the head with a dead Eagle.
It's also Helen's birthday, and she's rather upset
as Gordon has given her a moped. She's thinking
of leaving him, and it looks like he'll lose his
job as well.
Old Man.......................John Baker
Woman In Car Park.............Judith Pearson
Mr Wilmot.....................Patrick Monckton
Mr Kitson.....................John D. Collins
2-4 23 Jan 1992 Set In Concrete
Brittas: Colin, give him a hankerchief.
Colin: Don't worry about giving it back, Mr
Hanson, it's done its three weeks.
Brittas is stuck in his office, as his feet have
been set in concrete by some irate masons. This
and other similar occurances have convined Brittas
that the centre is suffering from Sick Building
Syndrome. Brittas calls in a specialist, but
strangely enough he can't find anything wrong with
the building...
Graham Hanson.................Philip Shelley
Squash Player.................Michael Crossman
Stunt Woman...................Tracey Eddon
Stone Mason...................Peter Schofield
2-5 30 Jan 1992 Mums And Dads
Brittas: Salt of the earth, that man. Everything
I am I owe to that man.
Laura: I must remember to thank him.
Brittas' father has come to drop off an old
upright piano for Gordon; this is but the first of
two pianos, the other being a concert grand for
use by Vladimir Petrov (from Leningrad) in a
recital that evening. Can Vlad keep his fingers
intact until the evening? And can anyone stop
Brittas from playing the piano?
Jim Brittas...................Robin Parkinson
Petrov........................Damien Thomas
Pianist.......................Vanessa Latarche
2-6 13 Feb 1992 Safety First
Brittas: Colin, you are dead!
The centre is having a fire drill, Brittas style.
And since they suffered 82% casualities, they're
doing it again. Helen is trying to give up her
pills, hoping to replace them with a loving
relationship (with Brittas?). So she's prepared a
picnic lunch to have in the office, but she starts
to boil over as Brittas gets delayed dealing with
other things, not the least of which is trying to
pursuade Councillor Dapping to install a better
fire escape. She refuses, but when a fire breaks
out, she thinks otherwise.
Police Constable..............Jonathan Stratt
Victim........................Lee Fyles
Mrs Dapping...................Jo Kendall
Reporter......................Annabel Lambe
2-7 20 Feb 1992 "Labour Day"
Brittas: You're eight and a half months pregnant,
and you haven't seen a doctor?
Carole: I suppose I hoped it would go away.
A farmer has stopped in the leisure centre car
park to change a tire, and his heavily pregnant
prize-winning cow manages to snack on some labour-
inducing figwort, actually meant for the heavily
pregnant Carole. The cows begins to give birth in
a squash court (and how did it get up the spiral
staircase?), aided by a gynaecologist. Carole
follows suit in the sauna helped by a vet.
Mr Franklin...................Derek Benfield
Buttercup The Cow.............Dawn
Mr Garrick....................Ian Lindsay
Vet's Dog.....................Roger
Newcombe......................Brian Gwaspari
Squash Player.................Tim Poole
Oh yes, and Helen is pregnant with twins.
Series Two Technical Crew
Title Music by Frank Renton [1-7]
Casting Advisor Judy Loe [1-7]
Costume Design Carol Lawrence [1-7]
Make-Up Designer Denise Baron [1-7]
Visual Effects Designer Steve Lucas [1-7]
David Viallis [5]
Camera Supervisor Ken Major [1-4,6-7]
Chris Glass [5]
Resource Co-Ordinator Steve Lowry [1-7]
Vision Mixer Anne Stanley [1-5]
Sue Collins [6-7]
Properties Buyer Emma Mitchell [1-7]
Production Assistants Margaret Hulse [1-7]
Frances Mable [1-7]
Assistant Floor Manager Simone Dawson [1-7]
Sound Graham Wilkinson [1-7]
Videotape Editor Roger Martin [1-4,6-7]
Chris Wadsworth [5-6]
Dave Rixon [5]
John Sillitto [7]
Production Manager Peter R. Lovell [1-7]
Charles Garland [5]
Lighting Harry Bradley [1-7]
Designer John Bristow [1-7]
Produced & Directed by Mike Stephens [1-7]
(C) BBC MCMXCI
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SERIES THREE
3-1 7 Jan 1993 The Trial
Prosecutor: Would you describe your husband as a
wealthy man?
Helen: Well, not really. He gets a bonus on his
salary for every hundred people through
the doors.
Prosectuor: And the bonus last year?
Helen: Um, I don't think there was a bonus last
year.
Brittas is on trial for mass murder, possession of
drugs and GBH. Could he really be guilty? A tale
unfolds of a phantom super gluer, Carole's visions
of blood, toilet inspections, mafia men parading
as Bolivian squash players and an out of control
chain saw.
Clerk Of The Court............Michael Fleming
Judge.........................Harold Innocent
Prosecutor....................Terrence Hardiman
Eddie.........................Perry Fenwick
Ramirez.......................Tony Allef
Watts.........................Tim Kirby
Stunts........................Frank Enson
Bernard Barnsley
Sadie Eden
Dorothy Ford
Jazzer Jeyes
3-2 14 Jan 1993 That Creeping Feeling
Brittas: Have you any idea how long it took me to
prepare those files? My wife didn't see me
for three months. Fortunately she was very
brave and cheerful about it actually.
Brittas has received a parcel from a Lord Milbanks
in South America - a person from whom he parted on
less than ideal terms - but it appears to contain
only leaves, as the venomous spider it contained
has escaped and is roaming the centre. But will
Brittas even find out? The staff are giving him
the silent treatment after he gave them less than
flattering physical fitness programmes.
Debbie........................Lucy Hancock
Dr Matthews...................Andrew Hilton
3-3 21 Jan 1993 Laura's Leaving
[Some details currently unavailable - this episode
has not been screened in Australia]
"Gordon Brittas is about to host a conference for
leisure centre managers, and hopes to use the
occasion to spread his dream of universal
brotherhood. Laura has applied for a job
elsewhere, and Helen Brittas is convinced disaster
will befall the centre. She's not far wrong."
- from Radio Times.
Mr Jackson....................Paul Humpoletz
Youth.........................Jamie De'Ath
Minister......................Colin Pinney
3-4 28 Jan 1993 Two Little Boys
Brittas: We have the odd trouble maker, Horation,
just like anyone else. But you can't judge a
place by a couple of headlines in the
national press.
Celebrations for the leisure centre's second
birthday are under way, although the pool is a bit
cold, due to a leak in the oil tank supplying the
heater. The oil is drained off into buckets and
bottles and old margarine containers and stored in
the old weights room; the perfect place, no-one
ever uses it for anything. Except for somewhere
for the fire-eater to practice, or to put the
birthday cake with candles ablaze, or to store the
fireworks.
Meanwhile, Gordon's twin brother Horatio is
having a lack of faith in himself and his ability
to spread the dream, and has turned to his brother
for help in keeping the dream alive.
Mike..........................Andrew Barclay
Steve.........................Peter Cockett
Horatio Brittas...............Richard Braine
Wendy.........................Lucy Briers
Oil Tanker Driver.............Freddie Stuart
Welder........................Ray Burnside
3-5 4 Feb 1993 Sex, Lies And Red Tape
Michael: Anyway, you knew what I was like before
we got married.
Laura: I foolishly thought that you'd change.
The fact that you promised in a
cathedral in front of two thousand
people had something to do with it.
It's Laura's birthday, and her estranged American
husband Michael T. Farrell III has come to visit
and take her back so he can get a son and heir and
inherit millions. She's not so keen on him,
unlike the other staff members. After all, he
wants to get Carole's novel published, and he's
donated 2500 pounds to the fundraising effort,
which is more than Brittas will raise with his
sponsored silence (no matter how much it relieves
the staff).
Michael T. Farrell III........David Crean
Stunt Arranger................Steve Whyment
3-6 11 Feb 1993 The Stuff Of Dreams
Mr Johnston: I've never done anything like that
in my life. I don't know what made
me hit him.
Laura: It's not as difficult as you'd think.
Brittas has been having a dream - a sleeping type
dream - that he has a heavy burden (the running of
the centre) to pass on before he himself passes
on. Helen is close to giving birth, and wants
Laura to drive her to the hospital. She thinks
relying on Gordon is far too dangerous - she
doesn't want to give birth in the high street.
She wants to have her babies in a hospital bed
with doctors and nurses present; and she gets her
wish, in a sense.
Mr Johnston...................Arthur Whybrow
Medical Student...............Sean Gascoine
Little Boys...................Alexander Mallen
Jack Thorpe-Baker
Series Three Technical Crew
(Details unavailable for episode 3)
Title Music by Frank Renton [1-6]
Casting Advisor Judy Loe [1-6]
Costume Design Annie Hardinge [1-2,4-6]
Make-Up Designer Lisa Westcott [1-2,4-6]
Visual Effects Designer Steve Lucas [1-2,4-6]
Location Cameras Ken Major [1-2,4-6]
Ian Head [1-2,4-6]
Camera Supervisor Alan Bayley [1-2,4-6]
Resource Co-Ordinator Steve Lowry [1-2,4-6]
Vision Engineer Chris Cotton [6]
Vision Mixer Sue Collins [1-2,4-6]
Properties Buyer Jean Mitchell [1-2,4-6]
Assistant Floor Manager Simon Foster [1-2,4-6]
Production Assistant Christine Gernon [1-2,4-6]
Sound Graham Wilkinson [1-2,4-6]
Videotape Editor Roger Martin [1-2,4-6]
Production Manager Garrie Mallen [1-2,4-6]
Lighting Harry Bradley [1-2,4-6]
Designer John Bristow [1-2,4-6]
Produced & Directed by Mike Stephens [1-6]
(C) BBC MCMXCII
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SERIES FOUR
4-1 10 Jan 1994 Not A Good Day...
Brittas: If you want to do something useful, you
can help me find my leaflet on
bereavement. It's called "Losing a
Loved One - Ten Ways To Look On The
Bright Side".
Sebastian Coe (OBE MP) is at the leisure centre to
help promote Life Cycle Week ("I piddled for a
medal"), and ends up chained to a railing
accidentally. The real object of the chaining up
is a small boy wandering the centre, the son of
one of the Classical War Society members, who are
staging a recreation of a battle in the playing
fields. When the member discovers Brittas has
placed his son under citizen's arrest, the Society
attacks the centre. But despite all the chaos, at
least two people had a nice day.
Sebastian Coe, OBE, MP........Himself
Director......................Chris Underhill
Wendy.........................Rosie Timpson
Centurion.....................Colin Spaull
Stunts........................Roy Alon
4-2 17 Jan 1994 The Christening
Helen: Oh, I feel so awful. And today's just the
day we need them.
Brittas is arranging the christening of his twins
- with his staff doubling for about four people
each in rehearsals. Horatio Brittas, who is
conducting the ceremony, has brought along the
girl he wishes to marry: Phillipa, a woman more
irritating than both Brittases put together. She
even goes so far as to accuse Helen Brittas of
being a bad mother, which is perhaps only slightly
true; after all, she did lose the twins on the way
to the centre.
Horatio Brittas...............Richard Braine
Philippa Belmot...............Jemma Churchill
Pete..........................Roger Sloman
4-3 24 Jan 1994 Biggles Tells A Lie
Julie: I suppose he wants us to treat him the
same way we would Mr Brittas.
Laura: Or completely different in your case,
Julie, yes.
Colin is looking surprisingly nice - and clean.
He's posing as manager to impress his long-lost
daughter Stephanie, who is visiting from
Australia, and he has to live up to the image he's
created in his letters. Of course, this charade
can only be maintained as long as Brittas is still
away on his sailing holiday. But that's not the
only reason to panic when he returns, for Carole
has been keeping a kitten without permission, and
Helen discovers to her horror that a naughty photo
of her has been printed in Plaything magazine, and
it must be destroyed before Brittas sees it. Can
Gavin get it to the boiler and burn it before it's
too late?
Stephanie.....................Beth Buchanan
4-4 31 Jan 1994 Mr Brittas Changes Trains
Brittas: It's all right, my darling, he's not
going to hurt you.... All he's going to
do is send you to sleep and put secret
messages in your brain.
Brittas is applying for a new job - the British
Representative on the European Leisure Industry
Standards Committee. It's all down to being
impressive at dinner, but can Helen be cool, calm
and relaxed? Well, no, not with her jaw locked
shut from stress, with the rest of her body
following. Brittas needs to find a replacement,
and the lucky winner is Laura.
Some of the staff members are suffering from the
effects of being used in a stage hypotist's act,
and whilst he's there to deprogramme them, he
tries to relax Helen. He fails at this, but does
manage to put Brittas under, and alters his
personality until after the dinner. But once it
wears off...
Philip Silverman..............Guy Siner
Policeman.....................Robin Yarnton
4-5 7 Feb 1994 Playing With Fire
Jenny: I mean, five years is a long time.
Brittas: And you're worried he might have found
someone else, are you?
Jenny: Well, I'd hardly blame him.
Brittas: I think we can reassure you on that
score, Jennifer. In all his years here,
Gavin has not so much as looked at a
woman. Am I right, Julie?
Julie: Spot on, Mr Brittas...
Gavin's fiancee Jenny has turned up after an
absence of five years; she's been in a mental
hospital and has supposedly been cured of her
habit of setting fire to things. Gavin isn't
particularly pleased to see her, and Tim even less
so, despite Brittas' "helpful" councilling. But
it appears that Jenny is not as cured as might
have been hoped; and Colin's methane generator
built for Energy Conservation Week is just the
kind of flammable target she's looking for.
Jennifer Pelham Young.........Helen Patrick
Taxi Driver...................Donald T. Allen
4-6 14 Feb 1994 Shall We Dance?
Laura: I wonder if anyone's got any time to mop
up a floor?
Colin: What's the problem?
Laura: Oh, just some blood on the second floor
landing, Colin. Mr Brittas has been
giving his marriage guidance classes
again.
The Southern Area Leisure Centre Gala Dance is
rapidly approaching, and it seems as though no-one
can get a suitable partner. Colin has asked his
(transvestite) milklady, Linda is inviting an old
"school friend", and Tim and Gavin want to know
why they can't just go together. Carole has put
her name in the paper to advertise her
availability, and her ad is answered by her first
boyfriend, who has become rich over the years. As
opposed to Michael T Farrell III, who has become
poor and wants to return to Laura. But Laura is
supposedly going to the dance with Brittas,
fueling rumours that there is some form of
dalliance going on whilst Helen is in Cornwall.
Is it all as innocent as it seems?
Michael T. Farrell............David Crean
Chauffeur.....................Henry Cole
Ron Sudbury...................Paul Mari
Pauline.......................Lloyd Harvey
Edward........................Hugh Dickson
4-7 21 Feb 1994 The Chop
Brittas: I'm not going to resign. I've got years
of work left in me.
Drugget: That's what frightens us.
Councillor Drugget has been looking at the income
and expenditure figues, and as the latter is three
hundred times greater than the former, decides to
sack Brittas. All he need do is find a reason,
and going through the accounts, finds one. Three
hundred pounds is missing from petty cash; Helen
has borrowed it to buy an ex-cabaret dog. But
Drugget threatens to charge Helen with theft, and
with her record she could well go to jail. It's
Brittas' choice: either resign or see his wife
imprisoned.
Jack Drugget..................Stephen Churchett
Wayne The Dog.................Punch
4-8 7 Mar 1994 High Noon
Tanker Driver: What is going on here?
Laura: Well, as far as I can tell, that elderly
gentleman in the grey suit has just had
his ignition keys confiscated until such
time as he's cleaned his windscreen
properly.
Brittas finds another job pumping petrol, until he
applies his methods to the job. He visits the
centre to give a cuckoo clock to the staff as a
going-away present, and manages to cause a gas
leak while he's there. The new manager is down at
the pub as the staff try to evacuate the building,
and comes out just in time to see the centre go up
in a fireball. Then it's discovered that Brittas
was in the basement. Is this the end for the man
who survived Aldershot?
Tanker Driver.................Al Hunter-Ashton
Alan Digby....................Bruce Alexander
Fireman.......................Mark Chapman
Reporter......................Adjoa Ahdoh
Ben...........................Jonathion Norriss
Series Four Technical Crew
Title Music by Frank Renton [1-8]
Incidental Music Roy Moore [8]
Casting Advisor Judy Loe [1-8]
Costume Design Annie Hardinge [1-8]
Make-Up Designer Lisa Westcott [1-8]
Visual Effects Designer Steve Lucas [1-8]
Camera Supervisor Alan Bayley [1-3,6-8]
Grips Alan Boother [2,8]
Vision Engineer Chris Cotton [2]
Location Cameras Alan Bayley [4-5]
Ian Head [4-5]
Senior Electrician Bob Dawkins [7]
Resources Co-Ordinator Steve Lowry [1-8]
Vision Mixer Sue Collins [1-8]
Properties Buyer Alison MacMillan [1-8]
Production Assistant Gail Evans [1-8]
Assitant Floor Manager Beccy Fawcett [1-8]
Sound Graham Wilkinson [1-8]
Dave Lee [8]
Videotape Editor Roger Martin [1-8]
Production Manager Garrie Mallen [1-8]
Lighting Harry Bradley [1-8]
Designer John Bristow [1-8]
Produced & Directed by Mike Stephens [1-8]
(C) BBC MCMXCIV
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SERIES FIVE
Further details on this series when they air in
Australia and/or I get my hands on the latest Radio
Times.
5-1 31 Oct 1994 ?
Gordon, now a national celebrity, prepares to
welcome the Songs of Praise film crew to the newly
refurbished Whitbury Leisure Centre.
5-2 7 Nov 1994 ?
Colin's run of bad fortune takes a further turn
for the worse as Gordon the Leisure Centre's over-
zealous manager decides on a staff shakeup.
5-3 14 Nov 1994 ?
Gordon visits Brussels for a job interview - but
his absence from the leisure centre causes
unexpected trouble.
5-4 21 Nov 1994 ?
Laura's wealthy husband mystifies everyone by
applying for a job as junior pool attendant, and
Helen is spotted in a restaurant with her lawyer.
5-5 28 Nov 1994 ?
Gordon decides to test his staff's capabilities by
letting Gavin take over as temporary manager for
the day.
5-6 5 Dec 1994 ?
Gordon insists all his staff take a compulsory
drug test - but the results are soon called into
question.
5-7 12 Dec 1994 UXB
As Brittas packs in preparation for his move to
Brussels, Helen decides she would prefer to stay
at home and look after the dog. Meanwhile, Colin
discovers a bomb at work - something he feels
should concern Mr Brittas.
5-8 19 Dec 1994 The Last Day
As Brittas prepares for his departure to Brussels
as European commissioner for sport, he decides
that an emergency water tank should be installed
as an extra fire precaution.
X94 27 Dec 1994 In The Beginning
This special episode of the comedy series is set
in 2019, and the former staff of Whitbury Newtown
Leisure Centre are paying tribute to the man who
gave them everything - Sir Gordon Brittas.
(Shades of Derek Didcot? - MKS)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
This document is copyright (C) 1994 by Matthew K. Sharp, and may
not be reproduced publicly in any manner without the permission of
the copyright owner. It may be distributed for private usage on
the condition that it is done so complete and unaltered. So there.
------------------ And we've just missed Christmas again... ------------------
Matthew K. Sharp. "I suppose you think it's terribly amusing
917...@edna.cc.swin.edu.au to say things that are funny." - Alfresco
------------------- I thought men like that shot themselves ------------------
Mad Scientist
(And nearly enough JSJ in it :)
,----------------------------------+---------------------------.
| Antigravity research department: | Colin F. Russ |
| The Higgs-Particle Conservancy | ru...@antigrav.demon.co.uk |
`----------------------------------+---------------------------'
LizBeth258
any way for me to get my hands on this series. (I'm a poor, deprived
American with only NTSC video equipment). Anyone wanna lend a hand or take
pity on me? <grin>
Liz ;)
lizbe...@aol.com
--------------------------------------------------------------
It's a point of view. To me, tragedy is if I cut my finger. That's
_tragedy_! It bleeds and I'll cry and I'll run around and I'll go into
Mount Sinai for a day and a half, I'm very nervous about it. But, to me,
_comedy_ is if you walk into an open sewer and die. What do I care? That's
_comedy_!
--Mel Brooks
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