Victoria Wood's Coro sketch
Pita Enriquez Harris
Since we have been discussing Victoria Wood again, I though that I would
repost my transcription of her wonderful Coronation Street sketch.
Pita
*****************************************************************************
(Voice-over) Now you can buy classic episodes from your favourite
television programmes, classic programmes which you can enjoy again and
again and keep on enjoying!
(Switches to old b/w titles for Coro. In the Rovers, Martha Longhurst,
Minnie Caldwell and Ena Sharples are sitting at a table. Ena is played
by Victoria Wood, Martha Longhurst is Julie Walters and Minnie
Caldwell by someone else whose name I don't remember -the actress who
played Kelly's mother, I think it was))
MINNIE: Oooh thank you Ena, and good health
ENA:I'll give you good ealth Minnie Caldwell!
MINNIE: Oooh Ena, I'm sure I never meant...!
ENA:No, you never do mean, Minnie Caldwell, so think on and look sharp!
MARTHA: Oooh, sup up and shut up! I've'ad enough skriking in this bug
'utch to last me from Weatherfield Viaduct to Whit-week walk!
MINNIE: Its a lovely milk stout, Ena !
ENA: By the thump, Minnie Caldwell, you take the barmcake you do!
MARTHA: Oh leave 'er be, Ena Sharples! You've a chip on your shoulder that
big, Jackson's Chippy couldn't come up wi't' vinegar!
ENA: Put a pikelet in it Martha Longhurst and you might hear something to
your advantage!
MARTHA: 'appen I might, Ena. What's to do?
MINNIE: Oohh yes, Ena, what's to do?
ENA:Well, I keep me trap shut and me lug 'oles open, unlike some folk I could
mention and you can 'ear some very interesting things if ye keep your 'air
net pressed up against t' vestry wall!
MARTHA: By 'eck Ena Sharples, you weren't be'ind t' mangle when they 'anded
out t' stir-rods!
MINNIE: Oooh, Ena, what 'ave ye 'eard?
ENA: That stuck up Ida Barlow, 'oos no better than she should be...it'll not
be too long before she falls under a bus! That Harry Hewitt 'l likely get
crushed under the axle of 'is own van! And as for Valerie Barlow...and if
this isn't judgment for setting 'erself up in 'er own front parlour as a
so-called'air stylist then my name isn't Ena Sharples, from what I 'ear its
two clogsto a threpenny bit that she'll electrocute 'erself with 'er own
'airdryer!
MINNIW: But what about the poor little twins, Ena?
MARTHA: ....their Peter and their Susan?
ENA: Off up to Scotland and back after twenty years without so much as a
Scottish accent!
MINNIE: Ooooh that is nice! I must tell my Bobby!
MARTHA: Is that all?
ENA: All, Martha Long'urst? I should think it is! I can't stand
around all day listening to gossip unlike some people! I've got clinkers
to riddle and pots to scythe!
MARTHA:Did you not 'ear nowt about me?
ENA: 'appen I did, Martha Long'urst. And 'appen I didn't. But I'll tell
you one thing... (she takes Martha's milk stout and pours it into her own
glass) You won't be wanting this!
By Victoria Wood, who after Sir John Betjeman, is probably the most
talented Coro fan ever. IMHO of course.
****************************************************************************
Dr. Pita Enriquez Harris "Ou est le singe?
Nuffield Department of Medicine Le singe est dans l'arbre"
Oxford Radcliffe Hospital Eddie Izzard
http://users.ox.ac.uk/~enriquez
****************************************************************************
Paul Calter
Yeah verily, Pita Enriquez Harris <enri...@immsvr.jr2.ox.ac.uk> said
....
>
> Since we have been discussing Victoria Wood again, I though that I would
> repost my transcription of her wonderful Coronation Street sketch.
>
> Pita
> *****************************************************************************
Abso-bloody-lutely brilliant !!!!
> ****************************************************************************
> Dr. Pita Enriquez Harris "Ou est le singe?
> Nuffield Department of Medicine Le singe est dans l'arbre"
> Oxford Radcliffe Hospital Eddie Izzard
> http://users.ox.ac.uk/~enriquez
> ****************************************************************************
Thanks ever so much, Pita. This has been copied, pasted, printed and
stapled to my wall next to my computer!
--
Regards to all
Paul Calter, Lancashire UK
<p....@zen.co.uk> http://www.zen.co.uk/home/page/p.cal
"You'd 'ave the shirt off me back if it wasn't pinned to me underpants!"
Mike Plowman
Pita Enriquez Harris <enri...@immsvr.jr2.ox.ac.uk> wrote:
>Since we have been discussing Victoria Wood again, I though that I would
>repost my transcription of her wonderful Coronation Street sketch.
--------------------snip------------------------
Wonderful Pita! Thank you so much for posting this! I had forgotten
how wonderful that sketch was!
Mike Plowman
Bicester
UK
Home Page coming soon!
Tholian
Pita Enriquez Harris <enri...@immsvr.jr2.ox.ac.uk> wrote:
>Since we have been discussing Victoria Wood again, I though that I would
>repost my transcription of her wonderful Coronation Street sketch.
Am I the only person in the world who thinks Miss Wood is dreadful and
highly overrated.
Vader jobs to Yoko, there is no justice in the world
--What time is it - Vadertime
Rock - naughty by nature, Grunge - Violent by design
La de da de, we're here to party - TPE
--Tholian--
Graham Allsopp
In article <83336017...@bluenoze.demon.co.uk>,
Tho...@bluenoze.demon.co.uk wrote:
>>Since we have been discussing Victoria Wood again, I though that I would
>>repost my transcription of her wonderful Coronation Street sketch.
>
>Am I the only person in the world who thinks Miss Wood is dreadful and
>highly overrated.
Very possibly
Graham
Don
Tho...@bluenoze.demon.co.uk (Tholian) wrote:
>Am I the only person in the world who thinks Miss Wood is dreadful and
>highly overrated.
Possibly, Tholian. I have to agree with Clive James and state that she
is the finest and most important British stand up comedienne.
Some may overrate her - hey, maybe Clive and I are overrating her! But
what is 100% certain is that she is not 'dreadful.'
Fiona McCall
In article: <83336017...@bluenoze.demon.co.uk>
Tho...@bluenoze.demon.co.uk (Tholian) writes:
> Am I the only person in the world who thinks Miss Wood is dreadful and
> highly overrated.
>
Yep!
--
Fiona McCall
"""
-(o o)-
-----oOO--(_)--OOo-----
"I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning." (Stevie Smith)
Tholian
G.Al...@Sheffield.ac.uk (Graham Allsopp) wrote:
>In article <83336017...@bluenoze.demon.co.uk>,
>Tho...@bluenoze.demon.co.uk wrote:
>>>Since we have been discussing Victoria Wood again, I though that I would
>>>repost my transcription of her wonderful Coronation Street sketch.
>>
>>Am I the only person in the world who thinks Miss Wood is dreadful and
>>highly overrated.
>Very possibly
Well not the world, but very possibly ratucs.
Tholian
dbr...@cygnet.co.uk (Don) wrote:
>Tho...@bluenoze.demon.co.uk (Tholian) wrote:
>>Am I the only person in the world who thinks Miss Wood is dreadful and
>>highly overrated.
>Possibly, Tholian. I have to agree with Clive James and state that she
>is the finest and most important British stand up comedienne.
There is not alot of competition in that department though really, a
few years back it was only really Faith Brown, that Janet women (can't
remember her name, and the tragic MArti Caine. In the 80's there was
also Ellie Laine, and recently Donna Macphail and Jo Brand, both of
who'm I think are terrific. It is quite difficult to crack though,
comedy, just looka the the dreadful series offered by Emma Thompson
and Josie Lawrence in the past few years.
>Some may overrate her - hey, maybe Clive and I are overrating her! But
>what is 100% certain is that she is not 'dreadful.'
I just hate her suburban, domesticated, cosy, middle class, Terry and
June style of humour.
Helen Johns
Tholian wrote:
>
> Am I the only person in the world who thinks Miss Wood is dreadful and
> highly overrated.
>
No, you are not. I agree, despite what the others say.
She was OK when she first started, but has got stuck
in a rut, and seemingly doesn't see why she should do
anything different to the formula that has worked before.
You keep expressing your opinion and don't be put off.
I enjoy your comments, mostly. ;-)
--
Helen Johns
Gray Laboratory Cancer Research Trust
Tholian
Helen Johns <jo...@graylab.ac.uk> wrote:
>Tholian wrote:
>>
>> Am I the only person in the world who thinks Miss Wood is dreadful and
>> highly overrated.
>>
>No, you are not. I agree, despite what the others say.
>She was OK when she first started, but has got stuck
>in a rut, and seemingly doesn't see why she should do
>anything different to the formula that has worked before.
>
>You keep expressing your opinion and don't be put off.
>I enjoy your comments, mostly. ;-)
>--
Thanks for the nice words Helen. I am not one for censorship myself.
gillian.hardy
: Tholian wrote:
: > Am I the only person in the world who thinks Miss Wood is dreadful and
: > highly overrated.
May your hard drive overheat and they key from your keyboard fly off and
hit you in the eye for slagging off Victoria Wood. I would agree that her
style hasn't really changed much in the last 15 years or so but is that
really such a bad thing? At least she isn't as dated and bereft of ideas
like a lot of the mid 80s so-called alternative comics.
Gillian (who is off to see Victoria Wood on Monday in Newcastle)
====================================================================
=== "If her bum was a bungalow === Gillian Hardy ===
=== she'd never get a mortgage === aa1...@zen.sund.ac.uk ===
=== on it" - Victoria Wood === http://zen.sund.ac.uk/~aa1gha/===
====================================================================
Tholian
aa1...@zen.sunderland.ac.uk (gillian.hardy) wrote:
>: Tholian wrote:
>: > Am I the only person in the world who thinks Miss Wood is dreadful and
>: > highly overrated.
>May your hard drive overheat and they key from your keyboard fly off and
>hit you in the eye
It's still under guarantee, that wouldn't give me a problem.
>for slagging off Victoria Wood.
Mild criticism surely, not a slagging off.
> I would agree that her
>style hasn't really changed much in the last 15 years or so but is that
>really such a bad thing?
I think any performer who stays with what they know becomes sterile
and barren. By and large I think a performer needs to evolve over a
period of time and develop their act. I also think Miss Woods act is
terribly bland. The only good thing I have seen her do is that play
about the two sisters, it proves she can be good and do something
original, but she is back playing safe now.
> At least she isn't as dated and bereft of ideas
>like a lot of the mid 80s so-called alternative comics.
Agreed, I watched The Thin Blue Line with Rowan Atkinson in
last year (I am fanatical about the Blackadder series), and was
appalled, it was dreadful. so devoid of ideas it was untrue. The same
goes for Red Dwarf, Bottom and so on. The trouble is if you start out
as an alternative style comic, then you gain popularity and
acceptability you are no longer alternative but mainstream.
>Gillian (who is off to see Victoria Wood on Monday in Newcastle)
Hope you enjoy it.
Paul Calter
Yeah verily, aa1...@zen.sunderland.ac.uk (gillian.hardy) said .....
> Gillian (who is off to see Victoria Wood on Monday in Newcastle)
PLEEEEEASE can I come with you ?????
One of VW's best lines was written for Julie Walters in a sketch about a
fitness centre:
"To get her to clench her buttocks would take two strong boys and a
wheelbarrow..."
--
Regards to all r.a.t.u.c.s.
Paul Calter, Lancashire, UK. http://www.zen.co.uk/home/page/p.cal
Katherine A. Burgess
Don (dbr...@cygnet.co.uk) wrote:
: Tho...@bluenoze.demon.co.uk (Tholian) wrote:
: >Am I the only person in the world who thinks Miss Wood is dreadful and
: >highly overrated.
I am not sure, Tholian, but, according to the responses you have
generated, it seems highly likely. Personally, I don't recall having seen
Victoria Wood, but, if the little sketch i read at the beginning of this
thread is any indication, then I tend to agree with the ones who think
that she is great. Sorry. :-)
TTFN
Katherine
P.S. I think that you may be used to being in the minority, though, so it
shouldn't bother you too much. :-)
Tholian
kbur...@calvin.stemnet.nf.ca (Katherine A. Burgess) wrote:
>Don (dbr...@cygnet.co.uk) wrote:
>: Tho...@bluenoze.demon.co.uk (Tholian) wrote:
>: >Am I the only person in the world who thinks Miss Wood is dreadful and
>: >highly overrated.
>I am not sure, Tholian, but, according to the responses you have
>generated, it seems highly likely. Personally, I don't recall having seen
>Victoria Wood, but, if the little sketch i read at the beginning of this
>thread is any indication, then I tend to agree with the ones who think
>that she is great. Sorry. :-)
Hey, don't apologise, if she's your cup of tea that's great.
Mike Plowman
kbur...@calvin.stemnet.nf.ca (Katherine A. Burgess) wrote:
>I am not sure, Tholian, but, according to the responses you have
>P.S. I think that you may be used to being in the minority, though, so it
>shouldn't bother you too much. :-)
ROTFL, Katherine, and hurry up with that book cover, I am in Granada's
good books at the moment it would seem!
Giles Smith
On Tuesday, 28 May 1996 at 08:00:00 UTC+1, Pita Enriquez Harris wrote:
> Since we have been discussing Victoria Wood again, I though that I would
> repost my transcription of her wonderful Coronation Street sketch.