B&B: Rogue Update for Mon/Tue, 12/12 - 12/13

[Hai N Tang]

DISCLAIMER: Holy Cow! After reading Shameless Rogue's introductory
paragraph, I feel I must dispel the rumors that I am S.R. 8-)
On the contrary, Shameless Rogue and Hai N. Tang are not the
same person. Please do NOT send me any comments as I am only
the messenger. Please DO send your accolades, marriage
proposals, and salacious comments to Shameless Rogue at
<dbl...@umich.edu> and he will see them. 8-)

Hai N. Tang <tan...@uclink2.berkeley.edu>

* * * * * * * *

The Rogue Report, 12/12 and 12/13, 1994:

A brief introduction: Once upon a time, there was a
young turk who liked soap operas, particularly those with
young nubile daughters and blondes who were frequently found
wearing white lingerie while a fire could be viewed through
the folds of their gossamer nightgown as the enticed a hard-
bodied and hard-headed lover into some serious
entertainment, despite the fact that said blonde was married
to hardhead's Dad. But I digress... anyways, in the course
of human events, it became clear that the updates posted by
this young turk might be perceived improperly in some far
corners of the global superinformationhighway. Thus, the
young turk realized that he would now have to adopt a
persona of semi-anonymity, and as he considered this, his
dark gleaming sensual eyes beheld the Stubborn Wench. His
chiseled body, honed by aquatic exercise, realized his true
nature. He set out upon his updating quest, promising to
leave no puns unopened and no terns unstoned. Wearing a
shirt that exposed his navel, and pants that caused a
tingling sensation in his toes due to constriction of
arterial flow, he emerged Bold-Ly, dblinking with
excitement.
He was now THE SHAMELESS ROGUE!!

And a note of caution: within the twisted recesses of
the Rogue's mind it is known that there lurks a sinister
alter-persona, that which is worse than shameless and
utterly beyond redemption. When this persona appears, hide
for your lives and run the children. The persona is That
Which Can Not Be Named, and is only referred to in hushed,
fearful tones as... THE DARK SIDE!

Now, without further curfew, we bring you the
newsworthless events on Monday and Tuesday, December 12 and
13, 1994, as seen by the Shameless Rogue's assistants in
"The Bold and Beautiful" newsroom:

Dateline: ROMA, and hold the tomatoes:

Biff Boffer here in Rome. All Rome is atwitter with
rumor regarding the mistaken identity of Prince Omar Rashid
of Morocco's veiled bride, Princess Layla of the Dominoes.
Princess Layla had a noteworthy event befall her here in
Rome, notably a fall from an equine who was apparently
unbalanced to her notable superstructural female endowment.
According to unpublishable resources, Layla and Omar have
retired to their palatial hotel room, where Princess Layla
is perusing crayon drawings of her quick and dirty wedding
to the passionate Prince. Prince Omar reportedly invited
her to dinner, but Layla cast doubt on the plan due to her
cast, and the necessity for her to drink all of her meals in
public through a straw, as she cannot remove the veil.
Undaunted, the poor Prince orders room service, and after it
has been delivered, the Princess, who for some reason can't
remove her headdress even in the privacy of their hotel
room, reappears to dine. Rumors are flying that the
Princess misses the tone-deaf orphans over which she has
been given charge. A ticket agent at Rome airport confirms
that Prince Omar called late that night and chartered a
flight back to Morocco in the morning.
Ace paparazzi and pizza maker Bryan Baddington caught a
distant shot of the Prince and Princess dancing in their
room. This was a surprising development, considering the
notable distance the royals had displayed in public.
Your reporter considers that this may be a harbinger of
things to come with regard to this relationship, and we do
mean Prince Omar.

Dateline: Forrester Mansion, LaLaLand

Bertina Bertolucci here, for some reason not in Rome
instead of Bryan. We've bugged the main room in the
mansion, and we've discovered that James Warwick will not
confide therapy secrets about Sheila and ex-husband Eric to
Stephanie Forrester. But James has inquired about the exact
circumstances in which the body of Taylor Hayes Forrester
van Rashid was identified. According to Ms. Steph, the body
was burned beyond the proverbial recognition, and therefore,
all that was identified were papers and belongings that for
some reason weren't burned in the same selective
conflagration. James points out the most definite weirdness
of the Brooke-Ridge honeymoon in Vegas, aka, the Dunes (of
Morocco). That being the same place that Taylor apparently
deplaned and left behind her lecture notes. James leads
Stephanie directly to the stunning conclusion: he believes,
based on his close perusal of the wedding picture, that
Princess Layla of the Gigantic Dune Crests is in fact, the
beloved and endowed Taylor Forrester. Stephanie asks if
he's lost his Taylor-loving mind. James only reply was a
grunt.

Dateline: Nuevo Casa de Forrester

Belinda Barlisle here, reporting on the doings and
undoings at Casa de Ridge. At breakfast, Eric Jr. is being
tykish until sister Katie, with bebundled Bridget on arm,
arrives to take them out for the day. Ridge has some man-
talk with Eric Jr., i.e., "KB". Brooke, dressed in power
pink, asks Ridge post-departure if they really have to go to
work, and if a detour around Mattress Highway would be in
order. Ridge answers by attempting to make a pancake out of
Brooke's face after she says "KM" means "Kiss Me".
Prior to a sensual connection of the marital kind,
Ridge asks about the James Warwick visit. Brooke only did
it because she thought he needed it, that this continuing
fixative on Taylor needed a cure. James helped, but Ridge
was in fact worried that Brooke was feeling insecure about
his backthoughts about former wifey, now cinders, Taylor.
Want to talk about it? Brooke proceeds to talk all about
it, thus removing any chance we had of seeing her removing
anything, as she discusses her feelings about Taylor. Ridge
reassures her that he was befunked, but now he's bebetter,
thanks to her guardian angelship, that righted the listing
ship and steered him toward happiness and familial
redemption. Brooke was what he needed to get back on track.
Speaking of getting on one's back...

And that's it for a sterling example of why soap operas
are sometimes quite tedious.

Tuesday on "The Bold and the Beautiful"

DATELINE: Forrester Mansion, Take Two

First, from somewhere in the air, Eric calls Stephanie
and tells them the concert was a great success, perhaps the
groundbreaking for a Forrester/Spectra hatchet-burying
ceremony. Stephanie tells him to put the shovel on ice
until he gets back and hears the rest of the story.

At the Forrester Mansion, Stephanie is surprised to
greet Anthony "Lovelorn" Armando at the door. He seeks
entrance, which she admits. Inside, Armando says he's come
on a desperate quest -- he wants to take about Thorne.
Stephanie retorts that Thorne is none of her business, but
Jessica might be his. She wants to know what she knows
about Sally hiring Connor "Bottom Feeder" Davis for the
Dylan Shaw defense. Did you know about it? Yes, AA, says,
but I took no part in the decision. Apparently, Sally
thinks that your legal recourse is on the wrong track, so
she hired a thoroughbred lawyer to win, place, and show in
court. Stephanie retorts that she and the DA and the grand
jury and everybody that watches Court TV took part in the
decision. AA notes that this battle only confirms his
suspicions, that when Spectras and Forresters mix, trouble
follows. So, therefore, it's in your best interest to nix
the mix and fix the kicks that Macy and Thorne are having.
It only means more trouble, more heartache, more pain, and
more money for the people that write this show. Can you put
in a bad word to Thorne? Stephanie sees his point, but says
he won't interfere with a grown son. Now, as for an
immature ward, that's different. They're all meddle all I
want. (As if she hasn't meddled in everybody's business! --
sorry for that editorial guffaw.)

Dateline: Bikini Bar

Connor greets the surprising guest bartender and owner,
Sly. Speaking of statutory rape, where's Jessica? Jessica
should be here any minute now, and this is a great place for
someone who took part in underage sex to consider underage
drinking, too, isn't it? Nice venue, counselor. On venue
cue, Jessica shows up, nods to slimy Sly, and then gets down
to discuss the Department of Defense with Connor.
Connor tells Jessica that she's the key to the case.
Your briefcase? she asks, confused. No, Dylan's case. I
have to testify? she says. Yes, because you're the only
confirmation that you and Dylan did the deed for which he
has been so unjustly railroaded. You'll be called, and if
you don't answer truthfully, it's good-bye high school,
hello pokey as in perjury. So, he says, you'd better be
totally like fershure about your relationship with the
Dylster. Describe it.
Jessica says she cares for him. She's in love with
him. They did what came naturally to lovesick hormonal
teenagers. No mind-bending or mind-altering substances were
involved. No money was exchanged. It was the right thing to
do. Connor points out that from the viewpoint of the state,
it was the wrong thing for Dylan to do. So what? Jessica
asks. We both did it, we both agreed to it. And? Connor
fishes. And -- only Dylan's getting punished for it. Two
played, one pays, and that's not fair, Jessica concludes.
You got it, Connor says, and that's where the defense rests.
Both were active partners in the act under discussion, so
it's not fair that only one should get punished.
Judge Wapner is not sure if this defense will fly.

Dateline: Mid-Atlantic and mid-air

In the jet Don Navarone chartered to get the stricken
Macy back to the states, Thorne and Macy and Eric and Sally
discuss the concert. A great success! After exchanging
congrats with Thorne and promises that they'll do it again
soon, Thorne and Sally head for other parts of the plane.
Macy just needs to rest, which she's doing in this entire
sequence. First, Eric privately tells her that Sally told
her what's going on in her throat. She makes sure that
Thorne doesn't know. Eric admires her courage but questions
her decision, and Macy says she had to go through with it.
In another section of the plane, Thorne tells Sally
that he expects Macy will be as good as new as soon as she
can get some drugs to stop that sore throat. Sally decides
now is the time to confide. A mass. We're singing in
church? No, a lump. Of coal? Isn't that a couple of weeks
early? No, a tumor. Two more lumps of coal? I wasn't that
bad! Cancer. What's astrology got to do with this? Sally,
seeing that she has to draw it for him with crayon, says
that the doctor found something in her throat. It all comes
together for Thorne, finally, and he gets it. Sally assures
him that they don't know what it is, really. Expect the
best and get ready for the worst.
In a scene that shows soap operas occasionally do tug
on the old heartstrings, Thorne goes to see Macy. His
voice, sopping with sorrow, says, "Oh, Macy". Macy wants to
talk about the good things, like how they wowed them on the
Rotterdam stage, including Bradley Bell and the Bellbottoms,
the opening act. Thorne says it was just another concert,
and if he'd known, she'd have been in the hospital with no
thought of Rotterdam. No concert, right? she says, and then
she says she saw the dream in his eyes, and she couldn't
stop that dream. She screwed up so many times with lack of
communication and her drinking, she wasn't going to screw
this one up, too. Tears appear, and lips tremble. Thorne
and Macy do the emotive stare thing, and then they hug,
amidst his promise that he's going to take care of her and
be there for her no matter what.

Tune in tomorrow, when Anthony says:
"On second thought, Ivana Armando has a certain rhythm
to it."