B&B: Rogue Updates
Stubborn Wench
Another one of those days I loathe and detest as an
updater. Too the heck much going on to be able to
concentrate on the desecration of any one particular poorly
planned planetary plotline. So I'll be brief, but the
desecration will be pointed and accurate.
Monday, May 15, 1995 ("The Ides of Mayday") on "THE
BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL (AND SALLY)"
ACAPULCO CATAPULT, or
HARD TICKET TO JALISCO
(Two intertwined plotlines here). At Spectra, Anthony
is looking cunning and cute (if you're that kind of thinker)
outside Sally's office. He hangs a puppy on his face (hang-
dog look) and goes inside. He says he has some sketches for
Sally. Sally says fine, put 'em down. Then he has a
grievance. For God's sake, we all know Ivana got skewered,
get over it, man! No, it's about Dylan taking meetings,
clients, showers, and paperclips in my office. Oh that.
Well, space is at a premium, and you weren't here. Dylan's
a player, so he needed a playpen. Your office was handy,
dandy, and furthermore, empty. AA requests that in the
future, he be consulted before any more meetings are
furthered in his palatial suite. Gotcha.
And now, he says, more pressing matters, i.e., Macy.
What's up? She's being hounded by those pressdogs. I think
she should get away -- somewhere. With hot weather so she
hardly wears any clothes. Such as, Sally says? Oh, Mexico
is nice this time of year, the temperature is less than
"barbecue". Cabo San Lucas or Cabo San Spielberg might be
nice. What about Thorne? Well, if they let him out of
jail, he can come to. No, will he approve? Well, Macy
hasn't asked him yet, but he's concerned about the press
coverage, while I'm concerned about Macy's uncoverage, er,
discouragement. So she should go. I'm not sure I can get
away, though, buyers, sellers, and orders with nary a Saul
in sight. Well, if you can't go, Sally, maybe I could go.
Me. Anthony. Mister Innocent.
Outside, Macy comes upstairs with an elevatorful of
barking pressdogs. (Hasn't Spectra ever heard of the term
"security"? Oh, Mike the Guard is at Forrester, I
Forrestergot.) She's yelling no comment, but they want her
to admit that it looks bleak, i.e., fried, not baked, for
Thorne. Darla shoos the shysters and shuts the elevator
door on 'em. After they're gone, Macy tells Darla that
she's not sure she can take it anymore. Then she goes to go
inside Sally's office.
CAN'T TAKE THE HEAT? TAKE OFF TO THE BEACH!
Inside, Macy thinks that Sally and AA are taking a
meeting, but they tell her to come in. Sally wants to talk
about break time. Only at 10:30 and 3:30, for 15 minutes.
No, about a break from this press mess. How about a brief
foray south of the border? AA and I have discussed it, and
we think you should go. But what about Thorne? He's not
going anywhere (unless he pops the joint with Slash, that
is). Just for a few days, I wouldn't even TALK to you if
that wouldn't be a good thing, AA says. Macy wavers, but
Sally pushes. Macy appears to be on the verge of going as
AA smiles demonically, devilishly, and otherwise baddily
into the camera.
MONDAY IS BIKINI DAY
At Forrester, Ridge is hard, and back at work, as three
enrobed models enter and proceed to disrobe -- unfortunately
still wearing the bikinis. Ridge eyes the merchandise with
a practiced eye, and also looks at the fit of the swimsuits.
He wants them to wriggle, dance, and prance to see about fit
and comfort. Yeah, right, and I'm a monk. The suits appear
to fit pretty good from here. Eric enters and is slightly
surprised to find #1 (and currently the only one out of
jail) back to work. Ridge says the swimsuits need a lot of
work (I should say -- not one thong in the bunch. Don't
these guys look in the Ujena and Venus swimwear catalogs?)
With his back turned, a whole bunch of swimsuited lovelies
enter, and proceed to give Ridge a hearty welcome home,
followed by a gang hug with jugs. Darn, acting is such hard
work, isn't it? Eric watches in bemusement, perhaps
thinking to himself that the "no dating the models" policy
might not be in his best interest at the moment.
After the babes have blown, Eric and Ridge discuss
things. It's great to see you back to work with everything
normal, Eric says. Ridge says define "normal". Nothing
unexpected, clear sailing to the horizon. O.K., fine, as
long as you think so. Let's keep drawing and designing.
Ridge goes on to the sofa and looks pensive. Eric,
pencil in hand, asks why Ridge is pensive and not penciling.
Anything you need to talk about? Well, it's something Earth
shattering, mind blowing, life altering, so amazing that if
it weren't true I wouldn't believe it --- but I can't tell
you a thing. So act as if I never said anything, and maybe
some day you'll find out what happened. Eric, acting
brainless, takes Ridge's non-disclosure without question,
and takes off.
HOW TO INDUCE HEART ATTACK
Back at the apartment, Jack is by the sink when Taylor
emerges from the shadows and says "Boo!" loudly in his ears.
Jack gasps and immediately dies.
Well, he should have. Rather, he figures out quickly
that Taylor didn't depart as planned. He asks why. Taylor
says that her bags were packed and she was ready to glow,
but she realized that she couldn't do that if the light of
her life was back here in L.A. So, notwithstanding the
$2000 ticket, she decided not to go, and went to see Ridge
and reveal herself to him. Naked? Jack asks. Well, not
yet. But he was pretty darn surprised anyway. First he was
terrified, but a quick display of my abundant bazooms (in
real life, Hunter Tylo cupped the display and told Ronn Moss
"Remember these?" to aid his memory) made him realize I was
flesh and not just burnt bones. But I had to skeedaddle
before #2 wife found out. And after seeing him, his
vulnerability combined with that razor-honed chest, I
started falling in loveydovey with him all over again.
What's next? Jack asks. A quick call on the Batphone,
Alfred. OOPs, wrong movie.
FAST PLANE TO THE WEST COAST
On a Learjet with turbo, Omar is wending his westward
way, thinking about his plan of action. Blow my coming-home
party, wilt thou? We'll see about that. The captain (a new
guy, not Mustapha-of-all-trades, tells him they'll be
landing soon, so please fasten your fez.
On the ground, the Captain asks Omar if he'll be going
to grab Layla and drag her back to Morocco kicking,
screaming, and hopefully nude. Nope, though that might be
in the cards, there's somedunce I've got to see first.
SEEMS LIKE OLD CRIMES
As in bigamy. Ridge, in the office and alone, gets a
call from Taylor. He's still a bit blown away by the actual
facthood of his earthly existence. Taylor says that she
won't do anything to pressure or coerce or influence him,
but she is only wearing a push-up black bra and tiny black
lace panties right now... Ridge concentrates on the fact
that yesterday he thought his wife was deceased, and now
that's she's unleashed, he's still trying to figure out how
he can fit her in over the lunch hour on Tuesdays. Fair is
fair. To discuss these things, he offers the private dining
room. Does she remember where that is? Isn't that the
place where we attempted to achieve conception on top of the
chateaubriand? That's the one, Ridge says. But I thought
it was rack of lamb. Anyway, see you at seven.
Post-call, Ridge is doing more sketching when there's a
knock on the door. He goes to get it. On the other side is
the Man in Search of Octopussy (or any fraction thereof),
Prince Omar Rashid, Scourge of the Desert Sands and Heir
Without Harem. "Hello, Ridge Forressssstah," he says.
Tune in last week, when Prince Omar subsequently didn't
say:
"If I say "Layla", do you think of Eric Clapton or
Casablanca?"
And on Tuesday, May 16, 1995, we have the following
shenanigans and heynonnynonnigans on the soap opera that
it's fashionable to decry and much more opinionable to espy:
***** WAIT JUST A CORN-PICKIN' MINUTE! IT HAS COME TO
THE SHAMELESS ROGUE'S ATTENTION THAT PEOPLE ARE BAILING OUT
ON B&B JUST AT THE TIME WHEN THINGS ARE GETTING INTERESTING,
PERHAPS MORE INTERESTING AND INTRIGUING THAN THEY'VE BEEN IN
AWHILE. LET ME EXPLAIN:
Item 1. The Ivana murder. Best murder mystery they've
had in awhile. Thorne obviously didn't do it, and all
indications say that Anthony probably did. But neither of
them had blood on their clothes (a fact that I'm hoping the
writers get to in due time). I think that AA had an
uninvolved fall guy actually do the deed (which would allow
AA to stick around and stay nefariously involved with Macy
and Thorne for several more years. And I think the fall guy
is: Sly. Why was he at the wedding looking so nervous?
Item 2. Taylor's return. Yes, it's melodramatic, but
it's better than most, considering the investment Ridge has
got in the family, and the prospect of Brooke and Stephanie
allied against Taylor. And there's the wild card -- Omar.
Item 3. Sheila. Sounds like she's heading for the
exit in a fashion that would still allow her a comeback
(probably a dive from the cliffs at the seashore, but who
knows). Still, watching her exit is enough to anticipate.
It'll have to do two things: satisfy all those who want her
to get her long-awaited comeuppance, and yet still leave the
door open for her return.
Item 4. What to do with Connor and James. They've
become friends, and what better to spice up a friendship
than a romantic rivalry. And the object -- the forlorn
Taylor, left adrift by Omar and abandoned by Ridge for
Brooke. But the prospect of Connor and James making plays
for Taylor could rouse the jealous ire of Ridge. It's JUICY.
Item 5. The summer love storyline. Maybe not that
great, but the Dylan-Jessica love them stands to be affected
on the Dylan side by Darla, and on the Jessica side by Sly.
Schae Harrison (Darla) can do comedy, so her attempted
seductions of Dylan could be funny. Plus, there's the
prospect of the arrival of Jessica's white-trash mother,
played by formed Leanna Love Barbara Crampton. Could this
formerly married to Eric's brother make a play for Eric? It
would fit the pattern (i.e., Logan vs. Forrester).
So, I think the potential is there for entertainment.
It's not high art, it's B&B. That's the style.
And now on with the update:
DEPARTURES CAN BE SUCH SWEET SORROW
At the holding cell, the guard ushers in Macy to see
Thorne. Slash is directed to fold towels. Macy enters, but
gets several eye-ings by a nearby Slash. Meanwhile, Thorne
and Macy do some a-huggin' and some a-kissin'. They've only
got give minutes, so there isn't time for any lap dancing.
Anyways, Macy is worried that the company he's keeping isn't
in the same social strata, but Thorne says it's fine. How's
she doing? Well, remember that idea to take a few days away
from the hounding of the press and the cameras? I've
decided to take you up on the idea. I'm heading to Mexico.
Thorne says great, why not take Sally or Darla? Actually,
I'm taking Bachelor #3 in this dating game, sans chaperone,
a Mr. Anthony Armando. Thorne is momentarily surprised by
this plan, but takes it in stride and says a few days of
Rest and Relaxation will do them both good. As long as it's
in separate rooms at opposite ends of the hotel. After a
bit more being together, the guard takes Macy out and puts
Slash back in.
Slash comments on the fact that he can understand why
Thorne is so eager to be a free man, with that sweet treat
waiting for him. Thorne says not to comment on his fiance.
Slash says the real comment is that the D.A. has got a
Kevorkian ticket already punched for him, so if he's staying
in the joint, the way out is by way of St. Peter. Not a
good plan. Slash has got other ideas, i.e., he's busting
out. And Thorne could be helpful to him. You in? Thorne
resists the idea, but Slash points out that it wouldn't be
good for that piece of loveliness to be in a cold, hard bed
the rest of her life. Or maybe she won't wait long to get
someone to help her make it through the night. Think about
it, mon.
DYL THRYL, PRIVATE DICK (EXCEPT FOR THAT NASTY COURT
CASE)
Anthony is singing "Copa Cabana" to himself and getting
out his best beach togs as he plans to hit the beach and
kiss the peach when he and Macy are down in Cabo San
Zemeckis. He's already planning to have a great ol' time
when the doorbell rings. That's not part of the scam, er,
travel plans, Macy is supposed to meet him at the
aeropuerto. He goes to get it and finds Dylan, with work
papers in tow. Anthony nixes the work details, and says
this is a week to get mind back in the groove. Get the
picture? Dylan initially thinks that Anthony is taking all
of this a bit too easy, but Anthony pleads a need for R & R
& R & R & HR (Rest and Relaxation and Rock and Roll and
Horizontal Rhumba) down Baja way. Dylan goes along with the
statement and says he'll keep the jobs on track until AA
gets back. AA also notes that Dylan shouldn't get too
comfortablay while he's away, the office he's in is only
temporaray. Comprenday, senior, or sophomore, or whatever
class you're in? Now, hasta la vista, baby.
A FIRST-CLASS JERK IN FIRST CLASS
On the plane, Anthony is awaiting takeoff and two-step
when the stewardess announces fasten all seat belts, we're
ready to roll. AA protests, saying that his traveling
companyerita is not yet aboard. He tells the stewardess to
hold the plane until she arrives, and the stewardess tells
him that the only do that for Presidential haircuts. Just
as AA is about to deflate the landing gear tires to make
sure the plane stays on the plain, Macy arrives and tells
him to chill. AA asks what took her, and she explains that
she saw Thorne before flying to make the flight. Thorne
says that this'll be a good idea. AA "admires" Thorne for
putting his lady first on first-class. Now, off to Mehico
they go.
THE OMAR PROBE
In the office, Ridge greets Omar and asks him how he
booked a camel ride to L.A. Omar explains without
explaining that he's on a business and diplomatic foray.
Ridge wants to know if he brought Layla to L.A.? Not this
trip, but it should be fun anyway, because he can see his
hummus buddies, Brooke and Ridge. Is life treating you
well? After saying that the palace panache really put the
whipped cream on their honeymoon cake, Ridge tells Omar that
his life has been full of amazing occurrences and surprises
lately. Omar, repeating the following line six or seven
times in the scene, says "Tell me more." Ridge first tells
him about the loss and then Rogaine of his hair -- no, I
mean the loss and regain of his eyesight after that pesky
lab explosion. It's good to see you, and furthermore, it's
good to SEE you. But that was just the opening eye-opening
experience. "Tell me more." Ridge can't tell Omar
specifics, but the absolutely most mind-boggling stunning
surprising confusing convoluting and consarning thing
happened to him. Maybe he can tell him about it some day.
With that, he invites Omar to invite himself over for
dinner, and Omar gets out. Outside, Omar glowers, thinking
that either Ridge saw Taylor, or the entire female casts of
_Baywatch_ AND "Friends" in sexy lingerie.
SPEAKING OF SEXY LINGERIE
AT Jack's apartment, Phyllis Diller (Gladys? I don't
remember -- the ditzy hairdresser) is doing a great job on
Taylor, commenting that she's glad she's the Real Thing, as
to put a wig on her is to draw a mustache on the Mona Lisa
(obvious A.D., but delivered with good timing). Now that
the face is fabulous, what about the fabulous bod? Gladys
offers to critique the dress selection.
The first is a green wraparound. Gladys:
Slumberville.
The second is kicky with Valley of the Dolls cleavage,
in white. Gladys: I hear "KC and the Sunshine Band."
The third is backless in black. Gladys gives a thumbs-
up to basic black, and then says go knock him dead, er,
impress him. Taylor hopes that something good will come of
this meeting.
FANCY EATING, ER, MEETING YOU HERE
Ridge, all suited up, is in the private dining room,
complete with candles. The door opens, and a glowing (she
really looked good enough to meet) Taylor shows up. Ridge
takes a long look. "Hello, Ridge," Taylor says.
Tune in tomorrow, when the next thing Taylor said
should have been:
"I'm Taylor. Fly me!"